#thoguts

[sixteen-strikes]

Prelate Lir'i'c, the leader of Orpheus' honor guard:

She is beauty, she is grace, she spent 20 minuted punching me in the face while I was not attacking and healing her🤕

Rant incoming cause I did some experiments with this sequence, but first I thought to take a moment to appreciate that Orpheus and his honor guard all look ready to hit the gay clubs.

Tight leather, tits out, matching tattoos, multicolored hair, over the top beards, dramatic jewlery and capes; they're all just so...*chef kiss*. And I'm stuck working with Squidward's dumb cousin in law😒.

[smiledip]

Whever u guys are. Whoever you are. Ilu. Okay? You're awesome. And you're valid. nd I love you. That is all.

[risingnebulaoracle]

Brood with me

W.S

[chiral-spiral]

leeeet mee showw you the looooove of the warmest machiiiiiiiiine

[swarovskinipples]

whispers "reiharu"

we are so thirsty for this ship we should be embarrassed

Who’s the messiest one: haru. it’s not even like he’s doing it on purpose, he just neglects things because they don’t demand his attention right away. you don’t even really notice it happening because haru lives kind of ascetically anyway, he doesn’t really have or need a ton of stuff to leave laying around. so it’s just like one week he forgets a bowl is in the sink, the next week a pair of wet jammers are draped over the rim of the bathtub, and when it finally occurs to rei to notice things are in the mild state of disarray it takes to aggravate him, he can’t even be mad. (mostly it’s the bathroom that gets messy)

Who feels the most uncomfortable about PDA: i can’t imagine either of them being strongly inclined toward pda but if the urge struck either of them rei would resist it. haru would heed the impulse freely. rei would just be like “buT I DON’T HAVE A SCRIPT FOR THIS I DIDN’T STUDY THE THEORY”

Who’s the funniest drunk: rei. rei is the worst(best) kind of rambly drunk. but haru is a giggly drunk and it’s cute

Who texts the most: rei is the concerned texter always asking after haru when he’s out late. there’s no reason for him to bother though because haru never carries his phone with him. (dat canon lol)

Who has the most embarrassing taste in music: both of them are disgraces lbr. but my instinctive answer on this is “rei” because you couldn’t call the ocean recordings haru exclusively listens to music. (meanwhile rei has a collection of hair metal love ballads tucked away amid his math rock and classical music cds. he’s not allowed to listen to his music in the car)

Who reads the most: rei, natch.

Who’s better with kids: haru, for sure. neither of them plan on actually having kids but haru still shows some papa-bear traits from hanging out with ren and ran all the time. (i like to think haru coaches a new elementary school swim club in iwatobi after graduating… vuv)

Who’s the one that fixes things around the house: haru’s good with his hands and sort of naturally intuits how to fix stuff. rei intently studies how the gadgets work but the moment he touches something everything goes to shit. he flooded the whole kitchen one time. (tbh when it gets that bad they just call in a repair guy)

Who’s got the weirdest hobby: haru probably still does that thing where he soaks in the tub in his jammers for hours on end. mostly in fall and winter. when he is in a good mood rei is invited to join him but only if he keeps his swimsuit on.

Who cooks and who cleans up: haru cooks exclusively. he has tried to teach rei but every attempt he has made so far has ended in misery for both of them. rei cleans up, it’s the least he can do

[swarovskinipples]

for that shipping meme: reiharu :)

you know me too well….

when i started shipping or if i ship it: i have no idea where or how this terrible curse started. i want to say it was around episode 8? where i started noticing rei caring about haru when he was so worried for haru that one time… by the time episode 9 rolled around i was sold. (somebody on tumblr pointed out “did anyone else notice that haru wasn’t sold on going to the festival until makoto mentioned that rei really wanted him to come?” and i was like “yes the gay has arrived”…….) but man on a rewatch i got to about episode 3 and was like “how did i not notice rei’s raging boner for haru in this episode wtf”

my thoughts: HARU YOU NOTICE YOUR KOUHAI THIS INSTANT

what makes me happy about them: everything?? i love the complete contrast of their temperaments and worldviews and how (on rei’s end) that doesn’t turn into distrust or resentment but instead into admiration. i love rei’s senpai worship that doesn’t turn creepy. i love the slow build of their developing friendship when haru regards rei really warily at first then slowly accepts him into the fold, and the understated way they develop.

what makes me sad about them: the whole episode 12 thing, probably. mainly the fact that haru doesn’t seem to really give a care for rei on a personal level. even if he embraces rei as part of his team it’s very obvious he prioritizes makoto and rin over rei, and it would take a lot to shake him out of that status quo. rei is not passive by any means but since he prioritizes The Team and haru’s happiness over his own, he would probably continue to let that happen as long as haru was happier and more stimulated that way. and wow i made myself really sad :(

things done in art/fic that annoy me: idk for some reason i read some fanfics (well, what few fanfics exist for this ship) that 1. kick off with rei and haru already shacked up (the buildup is what makes the ship, hello) and 2. have haru doing fuckall with swimming, like, it’s just not even mentioned (idk man i can’t see him being happy living that way. makoto or rei or nagisa or aiichirou maybe but not him).

things i look for in art/fic: slow buildups and enough fluff to rot your teeth out.

my kinks: awkward sex. so much awkward sex. rei would be the most awkward person in bed ever and haru would be of absolutely no help to him and i would laugh my ass off.

who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: rei could shack up with rin and i’d be a happy camper. or nagisa even. haru could go with makoto, or rin if rei didn’t call dibs, i’m not picky. (what they really need to do, though, is both boink rin.) (and makoto. and nagisa. and aiichirou.) (one true orgy)

my happily ever after for them: idk man where they stand right now i would just be happy if haru were to give rei the time of day. at all. and let things work themselves out from there. (one day senpai will notice you rei. one day.)

[swarovskinipples]

jakedirk

when i started shipping or if i ship it: not even gonna lie i shipped it before dirk even had a name. remember “brojake” haha. at that time i held no delusions of it ever being remotely hinted at as canon but LO AND BEHOLD IT DID in pretty much the worst way possible. moral of the story: never wish for anything out of homestuck

my thoughts: theyre so fucking gay it should be illegal

what makes me happy about them: they’re best friends and have been best friends for like ever. and they’re so awkward. they’re awkward teens awkwardly loving each other and being nerdy about their respective interests and being wary to open up to each other but at the same time adoring each other so much because they see in each other all the wonderful things they can’t see in themselves i JUST! HNNG

what makes me sad about them: …. pretty much the entirety of canon. ive retreated into this headspace where the dirkjake i ship (or any of the aspects of homestuck that i consider worth salvaging) are divorced from the trainwreck the comic has turned into. i ship dirkjake in an au where homestuck isn’t written by andrew hussie. just Fuck That Guy

things done in art/fic that annoy me: i hate when dirk is seme’ized, just because it has extra sketchy implications when it’s a character like him. and i hate those “weeabro” jokes people STILL MAKE FOR SOME REASON.

things i look for in art/fic: non-masculonormative jakes are always fun (though i struggle to reconcile “non male identifying jake” with “canonically exclusively gay” dirk in a way that doesnt invalidate either of their identities… sorry to those who are fans). but trans dirks are good. yes. and brown dirks. and brown jakes. all of the!

my kinks: the size difference kink is strong in this one. jake needs to be like twice as tall as dirk at all times.

who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i dunno. canonwise i think they both need to take a break from relationships entirely for a little while. but i have a soft spot for windicuffs and dirkkat if those count? (ha not likely)

my happily ever after for them: just them talking to each other again after all is said and done and the dust has settled. i would be happy with that much. but i am not going to make the mistake of asking for things from homestuck again because WOW.

[swarovskinipples]

ok you said to give you homestuck characters for the "im going to tell you why this character sucks" thing so how about doing one for each of the alpha kids

yooooouuu slippery potato, anon :|

jane: of all the prospitkids, jane gets hit hardest with the “i, andrew hussie, do not give a day-old fuck about kids who are not from derse” syndrome; her character arc is littered with false starts and most of what’s fleshed out revolves around a boy. gross. speaking of said boy, there was really no reason for her to threaten to enslave and rape him. yes, i am aware she was only dubiously acting of her own volition at the time. but quite frankly, her entire mind-control arc in general is needless, problematic, and smacks of hussie having no clue what to do with her character/needing to impose his mind-control fetish on everything.

jake: like jane, displays heavy “prospitkids are boring” syndrome and loses out on a lot of the implied depth of his character in practice. could probably do well to jettison some of the chauvinist values that seem to come part and parcel of his “i wandered here from a silent movie” shtick. other than that jake english is flawless sorry.

roxy: oh, roxy, roxy, roxy. stop fucking picking on a gay boy to go out with you. i would also appreciate it if you/hussie didn’t place so much of your internal value on your ability to snag a man, which i’m pretty sure contributes directly to the above. and while you are at it, stop playing passive-aggressive with… pretty much all your friends? i know you think you’re the longsuffering Only Sane Man in a sea of numbnuts but that’s actually a pretty annoying shtick to put on. also, jane’s friendleader arc called, she’d like to have it back :\

dirk: /long sigh…….. where to even begin with you. well, i suppose we could begin at the beginning, with you mailing a deathbot to your incipient love interest to bludgeon him into shape? that there is pretty Not Acceptable, yeah? tbh, styling himself as the manipulative puppetmaster empowered over everyone else bespeaks some pretty intrinsically terrible things about the character, no matter how well or poorly you think he performs his ideal self-image in practice. there is no doubt in my mind that the majority of dirk’s flaws get glossed over due to strider-favoritism, though, and that he definitely accrues a majority of the screen-time he has (merited for the significance of his actions or not) also due to strider-favoritism. (by strider-favoritism i’m speaking about hussie’s favoritism, not the fandom’s, before you even start with that shit. :|)