TPOF Headcanons and Character Analysis: Survivors Guilt
NOTE: I'm only going to be talking about Tom. More on that at the end.
I believe Tom and Jacqueline would both experience heavy survivors guilt despite barely seeing nor knowing Chamomile. I feel like this is kinda obvious?? I wanted to talk about it anyways though because I find it interesting to think about. I also enjoy delving into their characters outside of their actual source. This follows the " you escaped with friends " ending and has no preference to whether or not they're actively getting psychological help.
For Tom, I believe most of his guilt would stem from the fact he and Chamomile were abducted from the same college. It would also come from a stance of heavy self-loathing.
Tom has a pretty good understanding about his fear and weaknesses (He admits to M/C about not being able to fight the group). He also knows he's at a disadvantage when in the desert, and he lets that hold him back too. Due to this, I believe he'd be more worried about the fact he didn't try to prevent the abduction in the first place, that he should've seen the signs ahead of time. He'd feel guilty that, because of how late it was while walking home, he didn't look out for himself nor the possible people around him as much as he could've. (Tom talks about how he saw Dragon and Komodo dragging Chamomile along with him but doesnt say where or when. It's likely it was in the desert though, because Tom states how he didnt know what happened after he was walking home. I personally believe he was quietly and quickly knocked out then dragged off campus while unconscious.) A lot of his stress would be focused on how he could've prevented the situation from happening in the first place.
Regarding the actual experience in the desert, Tom would feel cowardly and ashamed in himself for not having the strength or guts to fight the group like M/C and Jaqueline did. Overtime and without a proper support group, I think he may even lose his understanding of how important his role as a distraction actually was. Tom would give into his self-hatred and let it break him down. The fact he was the one to survive and not Chamomile would not help this mindset in the slightest. He's 26 and spent a lot of time after highschool unsure of what he wanted to make of his life, when most people expect you to know much sooner or at least figure it out through college. That combined with their familiarity of circumstance is likely to spark a "Why me? Why did I get to survive, yet she didnt?" type of mindset.
Because of this all, I believe he would form a habit of comparing himself to a seperate ideal version of himself where he's "aware enough to stop these thing before they happen" as well as being brave enough to "actually help." The only thing this mindset would do for him is serve to drag him down and make him feel worse about himself.
Finally, how he'd cope with it all. He brings up Chamomile a few times in-game compared to Jaqueline. This along with who he is as a character leads me to believe he'd need to verbally get it out: venting, rambling, casual conversation, or even just mentions of her in passing. He can't bottle it up without feeling like he's going to burst, so he eventually turns towards people he trusts to help him through it. If he's around people he doesn't know or trust, he's more likely to just go quiet. At the same time though, I do believe he tries to keep his feelings completely to himself. He just simply cannot. His self-hatred and worry that he talks about everything to much makes him want to bottle it all up. He'll eventually cave from the emotional turmoil though and reach out to somebody for assistance.
I wanted to do both Jacqueline and Tom in the same post, but I havent been motivated to actually finish Jacquelines experience of it all. My headcanons kinda been rotting in my drafts bc of it, which I don't want. If I get around to doing Jacquline great! but theres no promises that I actually will.
teleporting to dereks route just to crack tom only to become gross and sweaty while i start dying of dehydration , then i hear dragon say " just dont mess around with the center yet . you have to go slowly . " so now i gotta lock in bc i realize this isnt all fun and games anymore 🥀🥀
