#thoughtfulstarstuff

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

Sometimes I would rather stay home than show up to be ignored and alone.

| Sara Kays- Chosen Last |

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

I looked up, and the stars weren't there.

They landed on the sand. Just beneath my feet, I could feel their glow. "You don't belong here," I thought. So, I picked them up and threw them into the sky, but they flew back to me and stayed inside the little locket I wore as a necklace.

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

A conversation between little me and 19-year-old me

I was writing in my notebook by the beach when a little girl with a familiar face approached me.

"That looks so tedious! Do you really love writing that much?" The little girl asked me. "This pen and notebook are the reasons why I'm here with you now. So yes, I do love writing very much." "Even if no one understands the words? Even if no one else reads them?" she asks again with a curious smile. "Yes, even if no one understands, and even if only you can read them. That's all that matters because I do it for you," I replied. "That's lovely. I feel safe being here with you now." Her face was radiant and hopeful, so different from the person in front of her. I nearly cried because I forgot how cute her little warrior face looked with those squinted eyes, furrowed eyebrows, and that playful smile. It's a shame that I've left her alone in the dark for too long, yet she still looks at me with love even if I cannot look her in the eyes. I am ashamed. She takes my hand and leads me forward. "From now on, we walk together."

The sun was starting to set. And for the first time again, I am terrified by what lies ahead but will do anything to protect this little hand in mine.

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

I am terrified of this fondness

But I cannot pull away any longer

The farther I go

The more I gravitate back towards you

I tried to run away as fast as I could

So that we never collide

Only to realize in the end

I've been running in circles

Orbiting you

Like Enceladus on Saturn

Helplessly, but devotionally

Never fazed by your greatness

Will you let me stay?

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

Walang paraiso.

Napadpad ako sa isang isla. Hinintay kong tumila ang ulan at kumalma ang mga alon para makapunta sa kanila, ngunit hindi ito nangyari. Nandoon sila sa kabila, nagsisiyahan. Sinubukan kong sumigaw, maghintay, at magdasal ngunit walang nangyari, walang sumagot. Mabuti na siguro 'yon sapagkat baka 'pag sinubukan nilang lumangoy papunta sa'kin ay malunod lang sila. Kaya natuto akong sumayaw sa ulan, tumakbo, lumangoy at lumayag nang mag- isa. Nagawang tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa; mula sa sarili kong lakas na hindi ko hiningi sa iba. Nais kong marating ang malayang himpapawid kahit na mag-isa. Ayoko nang magmakaawa pa sa mga taong nagbubulag-bulagan lamang.

At kapag may sumigaw at humingi ng tulong mula sa nag-iisang isla, hindi ako matatakot na tumungo sa kanila dahil natuto na akong lumangoy sa kabila ng takot kong malunod. Pinagtatawanan ako ng mga taong nagsisiyahan sa kabila at tinatanong kung bakit ko raw kailangang gawin ito.

Para raw akong tanga.

Ngunit mas mabuti na siguro ang tanga

kaysa sa mapagkunwari.

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

The curse of being an empath...

Why do I weep easily for others but not myself?

As I rest my head on my pillow, the pain washes over me once more. Scratching and leaving marks on every part of my body. I cannot cry. My thoughts drift to the countless individuals who always have to endure these demons day and night. We pass by many shattered souls on a daily basis, yet why do we still feel so alone by the end of every day?

It saddens me to think that many of them are just little ones longing for reassurance that tomorrow will be okay. I then cry for them. If only I could hug all the lonely children in the world so that they never grow up to be adults they hate. Even though I cannot cure my own sadness, maybe I can help others ease their own.

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

"How to Be a Better Adult and Promote Generational Healing Instead of Trauma: From the Perspective of a Child"

Some older people would probably tell me I should just shut up. They'd say I'm too young and idealistic and that the 'world hasn't hit me that hard yet' for me to say things. I think you should hear what I have to say. Not despite my youth, but because I am young. Youth is a reminder of the important things we forget as we age.

"You don't have the right to hurt people just because you're in pain", especially those that you want to love and who had nothing to do with your misery. Tough love is not the same as ABUSIVE and NEGLIGENT "love." Tough love allows you to feel and express yourself to be strong. Tough love teaches you that vulnerability is not a weakness. Abuse and neglect, in whatever form they may take, are not love. They leave scars that we may never even notice are a part of us until we're adults, and they reveal themselves in how we handle our current selves and relationships.

I think we can learn to work through ourselves better, no matter our age. Of course, it will never be easy. It might even take a lifetime. Our pain may not be our fault, but the love we give is all in our hands. We just have to learn how and to whom we ought to give it.

If you say, "Children today are too sensitive," I urge you to think again. Are we too sensitive? Or are you just incapable of vulnerability? Are we too soft? Or has your pain hardened you so much that you cannot allow an ounce of empathy or love to enter your life and change your mind?

Children may not understand everything, but they can listen, and we hope you can too. As we grow older, we may also believe we understand everything better and tend to diminish or underestimate what our youth have to say. That "their problems are nothing compared to what we've gone through". We have gone through bad things that made us 'tough', and so do we want them to experience the same or worse? Of course not. Our intention is to teach them to be tough because, surely, the world is tough. But we must also take into consideration that using the same approach and experiences we had to impose our idea of "strength" on them is not always the answer. We are all different people living on different timelines. What works for you may not work for another. Through healthy communication and enabling safe avenues for it, we can be able to understand and foster respect for each other to make things work on both sides.

In reality, pain is not a competition; we just tend to make it one. The fact that we experience it as humans in various forms and intensities is valid enough for us to listen to and tend to it so we do not pass it on to others, especially children. Our strength is not entirely measured by how much pain we endure; instead, it is also measured by how we sit with them and handle them so they do not attack, consciously or unconsciously, the innocent ones and people we love, as well as ourselves.

As a young adult who is learning to listen to their inner child, no, I am not "too sensitive". I am merely capable of expressing and showing my feelings and opinions with care, just as a human being should. I may appear to be idealistic, but I know the world isn't perfect. It can be cruel, so cruel, and unfair, because, believe it or not, I too have seen and experienced it. I have been caused pain by people who couldn't work through it themselves, and I don't want to blame them. I just know I never deserved it, and I have the right to feel and talk about it. I too have had instances where I hurt people I love and care about just because I couldn't face the mirror and look myself in the eye. I'm sorry. I will do better.

At such a young age, I am learning to process these things to avoid being the conflict in relationships I want to nurture in the future. I want to work through my issues to be a better adult. To be part of a generation that knows how to face their shadows so that they don't go around throwing their pain into the world and diminishing the light that remains in it.

With love,

S

🫂words and art by me

image text translation: mom, dad, please let down your weapon for I am not your enemy

[thoughtfulstarstuff]

I never make promises. It all started when I was a child. I don't trust myself or other people enough to believe in something like that anymore. I know my limitations and weaknesses well enough to stop myself from making such a strong decision. But I do say, "I'll try," and sometimes these words are more powerful than an "I promise." Because it is the best someone can do, but they still choose to do it anyway for you because they care.

"I'm sorry I can't promise you, but I will try my best." I know this may not be enough. I hope you understand.