Revenge
another random tickletober fic, and a serious throw back.
~~~~
"Anthony Edward Stark!" The words rang out through all the speakers in the tower. "You are dead." Years of experience was the only thing that stopped the soldering iron from slipping through Tony's suddenly limp grip.
"What did you do?" It spoke volumes about the team's dynamic that Bruce looked amused by Natasha's death threat, seemingly unconcerned for his best friend's well-being.
"I don't know." Tony carefully sat the soldering iron on it's stand so he could lean back in his chair and ponder why Natasha wanted to kill him this time.
If it were anyone else threatening him he would have Jarvis put the lab in lockdown mode, but he knew from past experience that that would just piss Natasha off and she’d bust in through the vents anyway. It was best to just wait for her to come looking for him and ask what why she was out for his blood. For once he felt his chances were high that he would make it out of this encounter alive, since he had no idea why she had it out for him.
~~
“He’s lucky I noticed before I got dressed.” Natasha was seething as she filled a laundry basket with the content of her underwear drawer. She was wearing gloves and taking care not to let any of the itching powder spill on the floor.
“Are you sure it was Tony?” Contrary to popular belief, Steve Rogers was no blushing virgin and could stand to be in the same room as one of his best friends while she ranted and disposed of her underwear.
“Who else would be stupid enough to do this?”
“Clint?” It was the obvious answer in Steve’s opinion.
Natasha mulled it over on the short walk to the washing machine. “Fine.” She decided, dumping her basket of tainted clothes into the washer. “You deal with your idiot, I’ll deal with mine.”
Steve didn’t even bother protesting that Tony was not his to deal with, knowing it would just fall on deaf ears.
“And Steve...make him regret it, or I’ll kill you both.”
~~~
Steve was pleasantly surprised when the doors to the lab opened for him on the first try; he thought he would have to sweet-talk Tony and/or Jarvis into granting him entry. Tony and Bruce were both working at their respective stations, seemingly unconcerned for the death threats a literal assassin was making over the intercoms.
“Capsicle, what brings you down to our humble abode?” Tony was just finishing up on the section of gauntlet he was soldering. With one final hiss of melting metal he set the soldering iron down on it’s stand and pulled the protective glasses off his face.
“He’s probably here to protect you from Nat.” Bruce snickered, eyes never leaving his computer--that is, until Tony goosed his sides and made him jump about a foot in the air. He whirled around, hands in front of himself to fend off any future attacks. “I hope she puts bleach in your shampoo.”
“Actually,” Steve loudly interrupted before the two so-called Science Bros could get into it. “I’m here on Nat’s behalf.” The wiped the smile off Tony’s face, and put a real smug smile onto Bruce’s. “Bruce, if you’ll excuse us.”
“Oh, it would be my pleasure.”
“Bruce, no! What happened to Science Bros before hoes.”
“I’ll be sure to tell Tasha you said that.” Bruce smirked as he tidied up the papers scattered on his desk before making his way to the exit.
“Are you actually trying to get me killed?!” Tony made to follow Bruce out, hoping he could casually slip out before Steve realized what he was doing. He forgets sometimes that Steve is a tactician and was stopped by a large hand clamping down on his shoulder before he even made it two steps. “For the record, Steve is the hoe in that sentence.”
“Tony, quit while you’re ahead.” Bruce advised. “Try not to do any permanent damage. I have grown rather fond of him.”
“Gee, thanks.” Tony muttered as the doors slid shut. “So, what exactly are you going to do to me?” He knew Steve wouldn’t actually hurt him, but if Natasha sent him then he knew he wasn’t going to like whatever was about to happen. “Wait, better question. What does Tasha think I did to her?”
“She thinks you put itching powder in her pan---er--underwear drawer.”
Normally Tony would be delighted that Captain America nearly said the word panties, but he was too busy being horrified by that information. “I did not!” God, the retaliation for that would be brutal, and rightfully so.
“Really?” Steve’s face gave nothing away.
“Yes, really. Are you crazy!? I don’t actually have a death wish Cap.” Not anymore, anyway. “Barton’s the only one crazy enough to pull something like that.” Seriously, why wasn’t he Natasha’s first suspect. Although, maybe he was and that’s why she sent Steve here. “You have to tell her that wasn’t me, before she actually kills me.”
“Alright, I believe you.” Steve waited a beat, letting the relief sink in before dropping another bomb on Tony. “But I’m still under strict instructions to make you regret it.” Anyone that truly knew Steve knew that smile never meant anything good. He could be a terror when he was in the right mood.
“But I didn’t do anything!” Tony squawked while stepping out of Steve’s immediate reach. “Wait, what did you plan on doing?” He asked warily, eyes going to Steve’s thankfully empty hands. He wouldn’t put it past Natasha to retaliate in kind if she thought he put itching powder into her underwear, but he didn’t think Steve could be that cruel.
“Funny you ask that.” Tony didn’t find it funny at all as Steve slowly advanced on him with an impish smile. “If you really did do it, I was going to bring you to Tasha and let her have her way with you, which would serve you right.” Tony agreed that it’d be a fair punishment, and he was thanking all the Gods he could think of that he didn’t do it. “But I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to you if you didn’t do it--”
“How about nothing, since I’m innocent.”
“And face Tasha’s wrath when she found out?” Steve asked, eyebrows raised. “But then you actually gave me a great idea for your punishment.”
“Well, I do have the best ideas.” Tony couldn’t keep his mouth shut even when he was nervous and actively backing away from his doom.
“Let me ask you something Tony.” Tony’s knees bumped into the back of the couch and he cursed himself for not looking where he was going. “Are you ticklish?”
Tony froze, eyes going wide and mouth going dry. That was all the conformation Steve needed before he was tackling Tony onto the couch.
“Steve, wait!” Tony yelped, struggling against the Supersoldier straddling his waist that was hellbent on pinning his arms down. “Let’s talk about this!” He pleaded, cursing when Steve gathered both of wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head.
“Oh, I’d love to.” Steve’s smile was all dimples and sunshine as he brought his free hand down to hover over Tony’s stomach. “Let’s talk about where you’re most ticklish. Is it here?” He asked, wiggling his fingers over Tony’s ribcage. His reaction was immediate, head thrown back as laughter started pouring out of him. Steve had been expecting him to put up a front, act like it didn’t bother him, but he broke immediately. “Or maybe here?” He walked his fingers up to Tony’s exposed armpit and squirmed them into the concave.
Tony shook his head back and forth, frenzied laughter pouring out his mouth as Steve switched between his underarms at random. “nonononono” He laughed, feet drumming on the arm of the couch as he tried in vein to yank his arms down.
“No?” Steve asked, teasing the muscle just below the armpit and causing Tony’s laughter to kick up a notch. “That’s not where you’re most ticklish? Then where?”
“Fu-huhuhuhuhu-uck you Rogers.”
“Buy me dinner first.” Tony was probably furious that he couldn’t stop laughing long enough to comment on Steve making sexual jokes, which was part of the reason why he did it. “You know, if you’re not going to tell me then I’m just going to have to try everywhere.”
Tony didn’t answer, and Steve took that as permission to try some more spots. ”Here?” He asked, dancing his fingers over Tony’s stomach. Tony’s body jerked forward, and if Steve wasn’t straddling him he probably would have curled into a ball to protect himself. “Ladies and Gentleman, I think we have a winner.”
“Oh my God.” Tony cackled, trying to twitch away from the wandering fingers. “Shut ahaha up!”
“Language!” Steve mock-gasped. “I think that deserves two hands.”
“No!” Tony yelped, his now free hands coming down to latch onto Steve’s wrists as he attacked his stomach with vigor. “Steheheheheve!” He giggled, trying in vein to push the Super soldier away.
“Are you sorry for putting itching powder in Tasha’s underwear drawer?”
“I di-hihihihihihi-dn’t!” Tony insisted, squealing when Steve attacked his neck with gently fluttering fingers. “I di-hihihihihihihihi-dn’t do anyth-hihihihihi-ng!”
“I know that,” Steve was now tickling spots at random, causing Tony to jump each time a new area was targeted. “And you know that, but Tasha wants revenge so she’s getting revenge.”
“How is--steheheheheheve--ohmygod--hahaha” Steve eased up to let Tony speak. “She’s not even getting revenge!” He pointed out, white knuckled grip useless as Steve poked and prodded his torso at random.
“You really are a genius, aren’t you.” Steve was having way too much fun with this. “Jarvis, send Natasha down here please.”
“Steve!” Tony shrieked, trying to scramble out from under him with renewed effort, but to the same affect.
“I’m already here, you doofus.”
Steve stopped tickling Tony to look over at the redhead that neither of them noticed enter the lab. Tony groaned and dropped his head back onto the couch cushions, his face blushing a bright red color. Natasha was never going to let him live this down. Oh God, Natasha was here. She was going to kill him.
“I didn’t do it!” Tony insisted, hands hovering as though to protect himself. “I swear!”
“I know.” Natasha was smiling, and that was even scarier than if she looked mad. “I had Jarvis show me the footage. Clint’s been dealt with.” Tony and Steve both winced at the implications of that. “I just wanted to see what Steve would do when I told him to deal with you. Interesting take, Captain.”
“I..” Steve realized he was still straddling Tony and now it was his turn to blush as he scrambled to get off. “I didn’t want to actually hurt him.”
“No, you just bruised my ego.” Tony’s dramatic sigh turn into a startled laugh when Steve reach down and tickled his stomach quickly.
“Your lucky it wasn’t Tony, or I’d be forced to punish you for flirting with the enemy.”
“I wasn’t flirting.” Steve replied much too quickly, ears and neck bright red. He missed the momentary disappointed look on Tony’s face.
“Right. And Tony just lets anyone tickle the crap out of him without asking for them to stop.” Tony sat up at that, face impossible to read as he studiously avoided Steve’s gaze. “Tony, he’s really ticklish on his knees and neck.” Steve looked indignant, but Tony looked like Christmas had come early. “Steve, I’ve tried tickling Tony before and he had no reaction at all.” And now he was back to blushing furiously. “Do with that information what you will.” With those last parting words, Natasha turned and left the lab.
“So,” Tony sidled up next to Steve. “Your neck, huh?”
