I moved to the city for a new job and a new season. I was desperately wanting to close up an old season of loss. I guess I hoped that moving somewhere new might be a chance to move on.
Almost every night after moving to the new place, I would go out. I would see friends after friends, try a new Bible study, visit a random prayer group, hang out with cousins in the city, drive out to the country to see a cousin’s football game. It was so unconscious, but there was such a drive in me to outrun the darkness, to keep my life busy to keep from feeling.
One of my housemates realized how full my introverted life had been, and she lovingly challenged it, suggesting I call off my Saturday plans and just rest. That sounded so good.
I drove off to a coffee shop late morning, and I sat there for hours. Journaling, reading, processing. It started out feeling like relief, but then I moved past the surface, and because I was finally allowing myself to experience silence, I began to tap into the darkness. To be continued.