‘!!’ -Thundercracker (@thunderxwings)
Send ‘!!’ and I’ll write a para description of your muse from mine’s perspective
Regret. There was nothing else that he felt at times. One might believe it to be guilt but he never felt guilty on doing something but he always acted in ways that he knew were terrible so that guilt wouldn't ever get in the way of his feelings. Guilt wasn't something to feel as a Decepticon and he was one to learn that quickly.
For more than a decade that regret was deeply rooted in him. Hell, it still was. Some nights he couldn't get out of his mind that he'd still have things that he once had before that day in New York City. Skywarp told himself time and time again he deserved it--he still thinks that way--but deep down with it being a decade later, he would say and think otherwise. To be shared to no one--at least of his own kind. Those words and feelings had only been said in confidence to a human of all beings. Funny, isn't it? Only Rock knew that Skywarp was lonely most of the time, along with his feelings that he usually bottled up and pushed deep down in him.
Most cycles he didn't understand why Thundercracker never sought him out, whether it be for revenge or what have you, especially after briefly seeing him when he was being toyed with Galvatron. Though on the other end of it, he never did either and that was because he didn't know how to approach it and decided that it was better to ignore and move on even if his spark protested most cycles.
Thundercracker seemed happy per what he'd heard from Marissa from time to time and his own name was even mentioned from Thundercracker per what Marissa had told him. But so much had changed within that decade, he wasn't the same as he was before. A little more crazy and stubborn, cocky as hell, a little more quiet and cautious, more observant but very much blunt if not worse than he was before. His Joe buddies try to tell him when he’s being awful but Skywarp could care less about what he blurts out now.
Truthfully, he never wanted Thundercracker gone but his feelings had gotten the best of him without even taking a second to think about it. The overwhelming feelings of being all alone had ravaged his mind to the very point it blinded him that just about anything would make him snap. That's what happened. As soon as Thundercracker diverted the bomb, it was his last straw and his processor blanked out; the only feelings he'd felt was betrayal, rage, and loneliness.
Though one cannot change the past and he was very much aware of this even if he wished that one cycle they could be like old times. All he hopes for with Thundercracker is that he is happy and in a better place than before even if Skywarp might or might not be a part of his old companions life anymore because well, his very own emotions were the ones that screwed his entire life up.
