#thymia

[filenesdebasement]

I AM VERY ANXIOUS!!!! I DON'T WANT A NEW AIDE!!!! I DON'T WANT TO END UP COMPULSIVELY CO-TEACHING THIS CHEMISTRY CLASS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID EVERYONE INCL ME WILL FAIL OTHERWISE!!!! i don't want to help aggressively meal prep high calorie per dollar foods because we no longer have ebt!!!! i want to listen to faux nu-00s pop and boil wash my dolls' hair and watch the x files and look at pathophysiology for fun!!!!! BAD!!!!!!!! i don't know how to ask a new person to change my bedsheets!!!!!!!

[allegrabanner]

Ouni from Children of the Whales (shading on the arm’s a bit dodgy but eh)

[saltwaterwells]

I did some outfit concepts for my dnd character! Tag ur fave

[kurisu7777777-blog]

When you see bae Ouni getting fired up

[filenesdebasement]

don’t feel particularly like tumbling, don’t feel ‘allowed’ to rb post abt anything important. kind of hope i can keep it up. would prefer to disentangle my brain from here a little. 2 of my weakest skills are ‘sift through information’ and ‘weigh/rank importance’ [prioritize?] so i can’t handle the extra input of constant online chatter. i get lost in it and can’t tell what matters. there’s already so much with basic life + emotions + school.

i’m back in chicago, it was snowing lightly last night. i remember my boyfriend but barely remembered the apartment.

[filenesdebasement]

i think lrb is the only real reason i wish my communication and social skills weren’t so límited/erratic. like, otherwise i don’t care. i often have very low social drive. but i DO want a lot of people to stay alive and ok, and it sucks when i can’t even type a few words to point to that goal. or say really bad counteractive ones.

[filenesdebasement]

None of the things i have worked for that i thought would make me happy have made me as happy as postponing death by 5-15 minutes by carving out a moment of autonomy in my misery. Looking at sunlight on leaves, walk around the block, setting up my desk, can of seltzer or cigarette on the porch. Maybe it’s because of the contrast. Maybe bad memory for bedrock of death. But i struggle with this.

[filenesdebasement]

im so overstimulated by basic shit rn lol kill me

the problem is it builds up on the timeline of weeks (not hours or days as i more commonly see ppl describe) so it’s like week1 i’m fine why was i ever bothered by this level of stimulus. week3 i can barely understand most speech and the tv is trying to attack me.