#tidbitsofmylife

[meadowmabel]

Lukewarm

Push and pull hot and cold I don't know where to turn I think you're ready to be here with me fully committed to a flourishing future and then you disappear into a dark, frigid corner that I can't seem to thaw. You pull me close And whisper sweet nothings then push me, keeping me at arms length I don't know where to go Maybe you still have so much to undo to unlearn, to forget Maybe you haven't quite moved on Should I sit here, enduring all the temperaments Or is it my time to leave to save my own soul...

[meadowmabel]

Trapped

I was fooled again Walking up your front steps Greeting your parents Seeing your sister again after such a long time Because you swore this time it would work I felt the dread Deep in my stomach As you explained to them I was here to stay And I thought Why am I here? I want to run away... Far and fast And I did because I woke up in my bed Far from that dream What a sense of relief...

[meadowmabel]

Don't forget

Don't forget How you couldn't be yourself How the anger lingered Because you could't speak Don't forget How you feared being seen As stupid As inadequate As a mistake Don't forget How slow it was to get out of the front door How the house had to be filled with smoke Before interacting with others Don't forget That place was a museum full of untouchables where you had to keep your hands to yourself Don't forget The times where you were disregarded where you were forgotten where inequality was blatantly obvious Don't forget you're destined for so much more then a room full of smoke with little to no clothes Don't forget you want to strive for success and late nights after late nights of pleasure Isn't the answer you're looking for.

[meadowmabel]

We weren’t moving forward

We were stuck

In a comfortable rut

But that can only last so long

[meadowmabel]

"Life is a lot like a sewer We get out of it what we put in" -Another Man's Grave

[meadowmabel]

Tantrum

still thinking about what happened that day 

it made my family hate you 

i can’t wrap my mind around it 

it was MY day MY time 

and you threw it all away 

for a tantrum 

because you lacked attention 

wanting me to cater to you  as though it were YOUR day 

inconsiderate asshole 

I hated your guts for a long time 

and then i forgot 

until the next big moment 

of MY first day as an aunt 

and you threw it all away 

for a tantrum 

because you lacked attention

wanting me to cater to you 

as though it was a normal day 

I hated your guts for a long time 

and then I forgot 

until another big moment 

my moment to shine after all my hard work 

at my sisters birthday party 

and you threw it away 

for a tantrum 

because you lacked attention 

I hated your guts for a long time 

and then i forgot 

Until another small moment and another small moment and another small moment  where nights and days and nights and days were ruined 

thrown away 

for a tantrum 

because you lacked attention 

i had no energy to hate your guts 

but now i always remember 

I can’t be myself because that isn’t enough 

attention 

and you’ll throw weeks away 

if I don’t prevent your tantrum 

[meadowmabel]

I'll wait

I won't beg

I do it every time

But not this time

I go to the ends of the earth for you

time and time again

It's as though you forget

the basis of respect

I won't beg

I'll wait

As long as it takes

for you to take responsibility for your words

Because I'm not here to take

the brunt of your emotions

You're entitled to your feelings

But I'm not entitled

to your treatment

So I'll wait

[meadowmabel]

I can't wait around forever for a forever I'm ready to settle d o w n I want to be with you the right way but what if these are the words you use to lure in your prey How do I know if you're genuine? Is it a risk I'm willing to take or Should I just run away from everything here And start from the b o t t o m again?