Dear Princess Celestia, do you know the feeling when you hear a story, and you feel connected to it, somehow? As if it could have been your own, if not for some circumstance? You're very old, and very wise, so I'm assuming that you do. Well, I just finished watching an anime, and I feel exactly like that. I feel like I've been crying for days, even though it's barely been half an hour. And, of course, like I mentioned earlier: I can't actually cry. I still cannot find any tears in me. But this story... It made me feel alive. It made me laugh, as I haven't laughed in a long time. It made me hope, and beg, and cheer, because I saw myself in it. In all the twists and turns, all the stupid mistakes, and all the witty banter and wise council, I found a piece of my soul, right there on the screen. It could have been my story, except this one had a happy end. In the end, they found each other, and sorted out their issues. In the end, she ran away to live with her family, and when she came back, he was waiting for her. In the end, they made it all work, and they did it together. In the end, I just chased everyone away. In the end, I'm sitting lonely and broken in a tangle of friendships and crushes that have been broken and mended and broken over and over again. I'm lying at the center of my web of half-truths and evasions and deceits, and I remember what it was like to feel alive. Do you feel alive? I sometimes wonder if it will come back to me in time, if I will learn again. I can remember that feeling, and now I want it back more than ever. Somehow, I want to do what she did. Run away. Take a time out, to fix it all, to face my problems head on and solve them one by one. But I'm too scared. Scared that I'll fail, and scared that I'll leave people behind. But mostly, I'm scared that there won't be anyone waiting for me. I guess I've found out something about myself. I'm no Tiger, and I'm no Dragon. Maybe next time I'll find out what I actually am. Your insecure subject Johnny.
