Okay, since I had a really... bad day and this prompt was the saddest thing I could write, I, well.. wrote it. A really huge THANK YOU and a tight HUG goes out to my cutie patootie @cosmic-otacake , who read over it, extinguished my mistakes and put a proper end to it.
The song that was send to me by the lovely @dickuandcockchan (It’s all your fault here) is Blue Lips by Regina Spektor. It just served as inspiration though
Warning: Character death ahead. Don’t read it if you aren’t comfortable with it or don’t like it at all.
Blue- the most human colour.
Blue.
We call our earth 'The Blue Planet'.
Blue is the colour of sadness.
Our planet is blue.
Our planet is filled with sadness.
Not only the water and the sky are blue. Our veins and our lips -when the blood stops running through our body -are blue.
When we're dead- we are blue.
And the sadness will fill up the minds of those we left behind.
Blue.
"Izuku, dear. You need to come out. We have to go in a few minutes."
Inko was standing in front of the door of his old room, knocking softly.
Izuku knew that he had to get up. Of course he had to, but he was not ready for what was going to happen. He laid on his bed in a black suit with two pictures in his hands. He didn't want to get up--he couldn't face all the people who would be there, crying.
He even left the apartment he, Kirishima, Ochako and Katsuki had all lived in since they graduated and became heroes. He just couldn't stand to be in his room and he especially couldn’t stand to look into Kirishima's eyes.
Izuku wasn't able to cry anymore. He hadn't left his old bedroom for days, his mother knew that he needed the time to himself and to accept what had happened.
His gaze moved to the clock on his nightstand, just to make sure that he really needed to stand up. Slowly, he sat up, the pictures disappeared into his pocket.
When he finally left the room, his mother stood in front of him. She was wearing a black dress and Izuku saw the irritated skin around her eyes. It was all his fault. He was the reason why everybody had cried for the last days and he would see them again.
He would have to see them cry again.
Without a word, Inko took two steps forward and hugged her son. He gladly accepted the contact. He could feel the soft touch of her hands on his shoulder blades and he could smell the perfume she always used. The flowery scent had a calming effect on him since he was little and Izuku closed his eyes and wrapped his hands around his mother’s waist.
"I know what you're going through. But just remember that you're not alone and that this is not your fault, dear."
The grip of her arms got a little stronger and the green haired boy let out a shaky breath.
"Mom, this is ... my fault."
__
"What the fuck is even happening here?" Katsuki's eyes grew wide with terror when he saw the extent of the disaster. People were running through the streets, crying and screaming. Cars were burning and Izuku closed his eyes as one of the villains ate the flesh of one of the corpses.
"Be careful. We still don't know what these villains are, but it seems that they're some kind of monster, that just want to kill. To rescue the civilians is top priority."
Kirishima's voice trailed off with a last 'Fuck' and Katsuki and Izuku started to evacuate the people that were still trying to get away from the scene.
"Deku."
Izuku just nodded.They both carried a person to get them to the medical station that was built a safe distance away. He knew that Katsuki was looking at him.
"Be careful. I don't want to sleep alone tonight."
His voice was completely serious and the absence of his usual anguage was the proof. Katsuki was scared.
It was the same tone he used when he confessed to Izuku in their third year of high school. He lost his usual frown and the anger left his voice.
Izuku hated it.
The green haired boy went to answer something at least, when they heard Kirishima's voice again.
"You need to hurry up. The evacuation is finished, we just need to get rid of these monsters now and we definitely need you here."
They hadn't lost a second, the people they'd carried got the medical treatment they needed, and they both rushed into the course of action again.
Izuku was running as fast as he could, when he heard Katsuki screaming his name.
It all happened too fast for him.
He was pushed aside and he noticed too late that it was Katsuki who did it. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Himiko standing about ten metres away from him.
With her hand through Katsuki's chest.
The last thing he could see, before he passed out, was the knife that came out between the shoulder blades and Kirishima, who grabbed her throat.
____
He never wanted this to happen. Izuku knew that being a hero meant to fight. To fight, to win, to lose and to... sacrifice.
But he never wanted to witness the so called self-sacrifice.
He never wanted to be the reason for someone's death.
But now he was on his way to the funeral ceremony of his childhood friend--his lover.
And he was the reason.
After Kirishima captured Himiko, they found out that this attack was a plan to get Izuku. It wasn't their intention to kill him, but when she heard Katsuki screaming his name and saw him instead of Izuku in front of her, her brain got from 'take captive' to 'kill' in the matter of a second.
When they arrived at the Bakugou household, they were greeted by Katsuki’s mother. Izuku bowed politely and opened his mouth to speak, but before a single word could leave his throat, he felt arms embrace him with a tight hold and he heard small sobs from the woman.
"Izu, I know that you think that this was all your fault. But I beg you to forget that. I always knew that Katsuki would die-" she stopped for a second to regain her compassion. Izuku felt his chest tighten and the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. "I always knew he would die for the sake of another person. He always wanted to be a hero and he was. That you're standing here is the proof. I don't blame you. My son wanted you to live on--he knew what he did. So please- just...just grant him his last wish for you to live."
The only thing he could do was to nod and when she finally let him go, she lead them into the big living room, where Katsuki's body was displayed. Surrounded by white lilies--his favourite flowers.
It didn't take long for Izuku to be noticed. Their whole class was there, as well as All Might, Aizawa, and Best Jeanist, who stood together at a table--staring at him with pity in their eyes.
The only one who approached him directly, was Kirishima, who did the same as Katsuki's mother. He hugged Izuku closely and just whispered "I'm sorry," before he made his way to his place again.
After Izuku and Inko sat down, the monk started speaking, but the green haired boy couldn't hear a thing. He only started listening when he heard Kirishima speaking.
"I was asked to speak the prayer for the family and tell something about Katsuki. We all knew him and his filthy mouth, I guess--" he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Izuku's heart felt heavy. It was normally the duty of the oldest brother to hold the prayer for the deceased one and that it was Kirishima, who knelt in front of everybody, just showed how deeply Katsuki and his parents trusted him. Kirishima and Katsuki always referred to one another as brother.
Izuku was the reason he lost his best friend.
"--but he was much more than that." A small smile appeared on his face "He was a great person. I know, that it doesn't seem like it when you remember our first year in high school. He was a bit harsh in his behavior and definitely wasn't nice the whole time, but we always saw how he fighted for the right thing. He got the offer to become a member of the LOV a dozen times and always declined more or less politely. He died for a loved one. And I don't want anyone else to think any less about him. He had his failures and I always told him that he was manly, but he wasn't only the bravest man I knew. He was a great friend and he will be remembered as a great hero."
Izuku could hear the crying of the other people in the room. Some cried almost in hysteria, from some other he could only hear quiet sobs. But he knew, everyone was crying.
Everyone except him.
He wasn't able to, he only stared blankly at the distance and after Kirishima spoke the prayer, with tears streaming down his face, they could give something to Katsuki for the last time. Something, that would get cremated along with his body. He saw how people stood up and went to leave the things they thought, Katsuki would need on his way to the afterlife.
One after another left the room to leave him alone with his thoughts. Nobody said a word and even his mother went outside without a single word coming from her lips. When he was finally alone, he slowly stood up and made his way to Katsuki.
Izuku stopped in front of the body and closed his eyes. The tears came back again, but he didn't wanted to cry in front of Katsuki--he always told him how much he hated to see the smaller one cry.
He carefully took the two pictures out of his pocket.
They showed Katsuki and him--one was taken when they were about four years old and slept next to each other at a sleepover. The other showed both of them, after they fought against villains for the first time officially as heroes. Katsuki had an arm wrapped around his waist and actually smiled. It wasn't his usual grin--it was an honest and real smile and he looked at Izuku out of the corner of his eyes. Izuku himself had just leaned against the taller one and grinned brightly in the direction of the camera.
He laid the pictures down on the place where Katsuki's heart was and then took a closer look at the boy in front of him.
The ash-blond male wore a white, traditional gown and his eyes were closed. It seemed like he was just sleeping. You couldn't see the hole anymore and if he wasn’t that pale, you wouldn’t even be able to tell... he would've been just... sleeping.
His lips were blue, his face white and you could see the veins in which the blood has stopped flowing through.
Izuku flinched when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, but he already knew who it was.
"You know that it's okay to cry."
His head turned around to face Kirishima. The sadness and the guilt laid heavy in his stomach and he bit his lip. Was he really allowed to cry? Was he really allowed to cry, when he was the reason his partner laid there, dead?
Again, Kirishima hugged him tightly and began to speak.
"Just cry Izuku!"
He never called him by his first name.
"It's okay. It's not your fault. If--if I would've been there just a minute sooner, Katsuki would still be alive. It wasn't your fault, it was mine!"
Kirishima's body began to shake and his grip got stronger.
"Katsuki pushed you away. You couldn't do anything! I--I saw her rushing over to get you, but I wasn't fast enough. It--It's my fault Katsuki died."
That was the moment Izuku began to cry and return the hug as strongly. He didn't wanted to make anyone cry and apologise to him. Especially not Kirishima. Not the person who tried to rescue Katsuki.
They stood there for a while, bodies pressed against each other and crying. Izuku raised his voice, broken and trembling. "I should've seen her coming. The--the last thing he told me was, that he didn't want to sleep alone. I couldn't say anything back, and...I wished I could've told him that I love him one last time. I just want to look into his red eyes again. I want to hear his voice and feel his touch. I--I miss him so much." He trailed off, crying hysterically with his face pressed against Kirishima's shoulder.
"Oh my g-god. It hurts so much. Pl-please make this pain go a-away. I ca-can't breathe. Please make it sto-stop."
With this, he sunk down on his knees, Kirishima following, without letting go of him.
It was a blue day.
I KILLED MY ANGRY SON, NOOOOO.
But seriously, don’t kill me for this. I first just wanted to show how Izuku suffers and then ... Kirishima followed. Oh my god, what have I done?!?!
I’m really sorry for this emotional mess here, but I really hope you guys like it?! There was actually pretty Much research necessary for this. This funeral ceremony, what Katsuki was wearing... and the meaning of different colours.
For example: blue is the colour of sadness, red the colour of love and revenge (Katsuki’s eyes are read), green the colour of guilt (Izuku’s eyes are green)
I wanted to put this details in it, but TOO MUCH.
The ambiguousintensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feelsimultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
„Thefuck should that help?!“ Katsuki was sitting on a chair across fromIzuku. Aizawa and All Might were standing beside them, waiting forthe two students to settle themselves.
„It’ssaid that this method can solve any argument and misunderstanding.The only thing you have to do, young Bakugou, is to look into youngMidoriya’s eyes. We’re gonna go outside and when we hear you fightingor something, we get back in.“
Thiswas the last thing All Might said, before leaving the room, Aizawajust a few steps behind him.
Thedoor closed and Izuku shrinked back in his seat as Katsuki sent himhis usual death glare.
„So, I just have to look in yourugly eyes for some time and I can go?“ He crossed his arms andfixed his gaze on the green haired boy, who looked like a scaredpuppy. Hands pressed together between his legs and an unsure smile onhis lips.
„I- Iguess.“ His green eyes finally settled and he looked into Katsuki’sred eyes. „But- but If you don’t want to, you can just looksomewhere else, I mean-“
“Shutup, fuckface. I’m gonna look you in the eyes for as long asScarf-face and All Might want.“
It wasquiet after that and they both just sat there, looking in eachother’s eyes. Izuku knew, that Katsuki was one of the few people whoalways did the tasks that he was assigned to do, but it surprisedhim, that he would just sit still and look at him. The only person hecompletey despised.
All wassilent for about a minute, ‘til the ash-blond male just couldn’thandle it anymore. „How should that help? After I’ll have leavedthis room, you’ll still be the shitty Deku you’ve always been.“ Heclicked his tongue, but his eyes were still looking straight ahead,not faltering.
Thiswas something that actually hurt Izuku. He really thought that theyhad took one step further to rehabilitate theirrelationship, but apparently, he was wrong.
AndKatsuki knew.
Hisface morphed into a surprised expression and he bit his lower lip, tohold in the growl that formed in his throat.
Heactually felt guilty.
Izuku’seyes – his whole posture – showed, that he was terribly hurt byhis words.
Afterthat, it was silent. Nobody said anything and Katsuki began to feeluncomfortable. He thought he was in the best position, Izuku wasstill afraid of him, but it seemed like these green eyes lookedstraight into his soul. As he was looking for answers – forthe truth – why he still called himnames and tried to crush his self-esteem. He didn’t know what to do.Averting his gaze wasn’t an option, he couldn’t loose this fight.
Izukushouldn’t know why he did these things.
Itwasn’t because he hated the smaller boy; it was the completeopposite.
“Don’tlook at me like that, fuckmunch.”
Katsuki was desperate. He wantedthis to stop. Izuku’s eyes were still fixed on his and he noticed howthe green haired boy got to the point, where he was on the verge oftears. He got it. He saw it in Katsuki’s expression – His facewasn’t his usually grumpy look anymore – he actually lookedvulnerable and the ash- blonde male never felt so frail. He bit hislip again.
Hedidn’t want Deku to know. Not Deku.
Asmall and broken whisper finally got rid of their silence and Katsukiwanted to scream.
“I-falling in love with you, was wrong.”
Itwas Izuku’s typical mumbeling. It wasn’t supposed to be heard byanyone but himself, but Katsuki did.Katsuki heard exactly what he said andit scared him.
“What?”
Thatwas the only thing he could say at this moment. Izuku just confessedto him, but his heart hurt. It was wrong? To fall in love with himwas … apparently wrong.
„Isaid that falling in love with you was wrong. You don’t hate me, butyou behave like you do and I can’t picture that I did anything wrong.I was always the one who defended you, when you got picked on.But instead of thanking me, you pushed me away. Every single time. Ijust want to know, what you actually think of me.“
Katsuki’seyes widened and he felt how the anger started to boil inside him.Izuku knew that he didn’t hate him. He fucking knew it.
Heclenched his fist and it took him a lot of self-control tokeep his voice at a low level. The other students were on thetraining grounds, while they were being held captive in a small room,but this was something, that even All Might and Aizawa shouldn’thear.
“Youwant to know why? You really want to know why I’ve been like this forover ten fucking years?” Katsuki needed a break. He wanted to bequiet, but it was so hard not to grab the collar of the smaller boy’suniform and screaming at his face.
Theface that now was covered in tears.
Helet out a long breath, gritting his teeth. “I did this because Iknew that you would be someone I can’t live without. You were alwaysthere from the beginning and I realised-” he looked away. The wayIzuku was trying to hold back, even though he was already a cryingmess, made his eyes water.
“Fuck.”
Katsuki’shead was facing the wall and he covered his eyes with his arm. Heshouldn’t, he couldn’t cry in front of the person that was the reasonfor years and years of heartache, because he was so much better than himself.
Butafter he heard this desperate and totally broken whimper, the tearsstarted to flow; getting cought by his sleeve.
Hereally cried, sobs were leaving his throat and he just wanted to runaway, but when he would’ve walked out, everyone would’ve known.
Ittook him a while to regain compassion and when he faced Izuku again,the skin around his eyes was red and he laughed bitterly.
“Irealised way to early, that you would be the person, I would fall inlove with and it scared me. So I pushed you away and tried to makeyou feel as bad as I felt. I wanted you to be someone like me,because if you’re the way you were and are now … yeah, then lovingme is wrong.”
(Okay, this took a turn for the worse, I wanted them to confess and kiss, but instead Katsuki got like this?!?!?! Oh my god it’s all your fault @ramabear and @cosmic-otacake , I hope you’re happy this.)
Katsuki: "I'm going to punch you in the mouth! With my own mouth!"
„Fuckyou, Deku.“
„Youknow, it’s not my fault.“
Theywere at it again. Everyone in their dorm building knew what was goingto happen, but nobody dared to get between them. Aizawa had assignedthem to some special training, so they could finally learn to worktogether and Katsuki learned that he wouldn’t be the one giving thecommands every time they got a mission.
Katsukiand Izuku had both got their Pro Visional Hero Licenses, as well asTodoroki, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima and Kaminari (no one knew how he gotit, but yeah, he did). And after Aizawa told them, they should neveract alone, he formed teams.
Sincethen, they both fought every day after they came back from thetraining grounds. Normally it lasted for about ten minutes ‘til theash-blond male had enough and locked himself inhis room; destroying something of his own belongings.
Thatwas some process, because when they fought for the first three tofour times, he barged in in Izukus’ room and destroyed almosteverything he got his hands on.
Thanksto Todoroki he stopped. Katsuki just didn’t want to be freezed upagain.
Izukumade his way to the elevator, Katsuki two steps behind him andcursing like an idiot. “Who’s fault was it then, huh fuckmunch?! Ididn’t tripped over my own feet while fighting Midnight.” They bothstanding next to each other, waiting for the door to open.
“Yeah,I tripped, but you know why I tripped? Because of you.I followed your orders for this reckless plan to win, but you totallymissed her and the ground got shaken up. It’s not my fault that shegot me with her quirk.”
Afterthe doors opened, they both got in and Izuku pressed the button forthe second floor. He was surprised when Katsuki just stood besidehim, carrying on their argument. His room was at the fourth floor,when he hasn’t pressed the button, it means this fight was going tobe one of their longer ones and he’s still sleepy from Midnight’sattack.
“Yeah,but at least I had a plan. You were just overwhelmed by the fact,that we had to fight her and stood still, when the fight began, youshitfuck.”
Izukuignored the insult and it didn’t took long, until the doors openedagain and they walked down the hallway to Izuku’s room.
Afterthe door was closed, shit went down.
Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari, Iidaand Ochako sat in Aoyama’s room right next to Izuku’s, carefullylistening to all the screams, insults and the sound of furniturebeing destroyed. “Todoroki went to train with Momo, right? So hecan’t stop them. Should we do anything?” Kirishima shoved one ofthe fancy pralines in his mouth that Aoyama put on the table andwaited for the others to reply.
BeforeOchako could answer, they heard something slamming against the wall.
“COULDYOU PLEASE JUST STOP THROWING MY STUFF AROUND, KACCHAN?! YOU MAY NOTKNOW IT, BUT I NEED IT!”
Somethingwas crashed on the floor.
“YEAH,YOU NEED IT?! TAKE THIS, FUCKMUNCH!”
Bookswere hitting the ground.
“DON’TYOU DARETO BLOW THEM UP.”
Again,something was slamming against the ground, followed by a insanescream that could just belong to Katsuki.
Ochakoand Kirishima looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders. Theycouldn’t do anything at this moment. If they would’ve walked in atthem fighting, Katsuki would definitely send an explosion their wayand they had a desire to live. Not like Izuku, who willingly agreedto have Katsuki as his team partner.
“YOU’REA RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL PERSON, KACCHAN. AND-”
“SHUTUP FUCKFACE.”
“MAKEME!”
Suddenlyall went silent. They hold their breaths, waiting for the fight tocontinue, but after a solid minute, all they could hear wasgiggling?!It was faint and quiet, but it was definitely Izuku’s giggling.
“What’shappening in there?” Aoyama went pale and pressed a hand againsthis stomach. So much stress always made him want to puke. Kirishima’seyes were settled on the wall that separated the two rooms, his facecovered in disbelief. “Tobe honest, I don’t want to know.”
Andthen… the screaming continued.
“FUCKYOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME ! IT JUST SLIPPED OUT…YOU- YOU LITTLE FUCK STOP LAUGHING! OR I’M GONNA DO, WHAT I JUSTSAID.”
“I’MNOT GONNA STOP YOU!”
That’swhen the six other teens decided to ignore them and start chattingabout something completely irrelevant. Maybe, they should’ve listened ‘til the end.
“The fuck did you just say?” Katsuki was standing just a few inches away fromIzuku, his gaze fixed on the smaller boy, who was playing with thehem of Katsuki’s shirt. “You- you screamed ‘I’m going to punch youin the mouth, with my own mouth’ and I said, that I’m not gonna stopyou?!” He looked down to his hand that held onto the shirt of theolder one. A nervous smile was placed on his lips, his heart beatingfast in his chest while his face got more red with every second thatwent past. He felt Katsuki’s staring at him and it sent shivers down his spine, but couldn’t bring upthe courage to look up.
“You-you stupid little piece of trash.”
Deku’shead snapped up when he felt a soft touch at his cheek. SeeingKatsuki’s face up close had his heart speed up again and he let out agasp, when the lightly chapped lips where pressed against his.
Buthe gave in to the light kiss, closed his eyes and smiled. If every oftheir arguments would end up like this, he would definitely start tolook forward to it.
Oh my god, that’s so sappy, but I hope you like it. *goes and buries myself under my sins*
