#tiredofpretending

[andy-tyson]

Date: February 14 I’m tired. Tired of pretending like I’m okay. Tired of wearing this mask every day, smiling when all I feel is guilt. It’s exhausting, but I’m scared of what’ll happen if I stop pretending. What if I can’t handle it?

[sassy911-dispatcher]

#ptsdsurvivor #controllingmychaos #tiredofpretending #myscarsmystory #iamwhoiam #bentnotbroken https://www.instagram.com/p/B0aTCSEBoNA/?igshid=pxqupwhttqgg

[cowgirlboots-n-beers]

Dirt roads tonight.. I need them so bad.

[neeshakay]

I Have.

Have you ever just looked a person who is sitting calmly and wondered how they do what they do? Have you ever just imagined everything they might and could do? Pictured and watched their imaginary life flash before your eyes?

I have.

Have you ever just wondered how a sprinter is able to coordinate all of their muscles in their body to become this power-house running machine? Everything in their body somehow working perfectly to allow them to run?

I have.

Have you ever just watched someone you know is a goalkeeper and just wondered how they can go from walking and standing to effortlessly flying through the air to snatch a ball that is being kicked through the air? Imagining everything their body is doing in slow motion as you see them do this amazing feat?

I have.

Have you ever just wondered how a person’s mind and soul is able able to process so much information and emotions? How people interpret words and thoughts? How people are able to change thoughts, or learn new things, or store more knowledge? How the mind works continually in a person who is sitting quietly? How they are able to process their emotions?

I have.

Have you ever just wondered what you can do if everything in your body works perfectly to allow you to do all the things you need to do? All of your muscles, mind, and soul working as they should—everything. Imagine everyone’s potential…

I am.

[spermwhales-and-petunias]

ready to move on

I am so tired of smiling at the people I hate. so tired of saying “I’m good” everyday after school. I’m tired of pretending to be FINE. FINE  is a word I don’t remember the definition of anymore. to me, its the verbal personification of ALL of my pain, hate and fear in one 4 letter word.

this was horrible. I was alone. bound in the internal and modern  inferno of benign neglect

I literally spent my nights crying and screaming at my god, asking for a late transfer student, a new neighbor, a store clerk. some one who would care, someone who would take my shit and give it right back to me if I needed it, a shoulder to cry on.

non came.

and for a short time I thought god had abandoned me.

for a time I resented him.

until I realized.

he was the late transfer student, the new neighbor, the store clerk

he would care, he would would take my shit and give it right back to me if I needed it, he was the shoulder to cry on.

I realized that he was my best friend, my father, my rock, creator, king. you name it.

that was when I changed schools for my first year at high school and then and only then

he answered my prayer

I’m tired of pretending, so I don’t. 

[s0mewhere-onlyw3know]

I love you...

....but I cannot trust you any further than I can throw you.