Agony.
The physical pain of these cramps is awful. The emotional pain of not being pregnant? Twice as bad.
No matter how many months this happens, it doesn’t get easier. You don’t get used to the feeling of seeing a negative pregnancy test sitting on your counter. Especially when you know that you ovulated this month, and that you probably had more sex than you’ve ever had, and that you and your husband are both otherwise “healthy.”
This “unexplained infertility” diagnosis is so much worse than it sounds, and honestly there are days that I WISH I could say “I have (PCOS, Endo, hormonal instability, etc.)” so I could actually have a definitive *reason* that I can’t get pregnant. Maybe that’s horrible. Maybe other people do it, too. And I’m sorry if that’s completely offensive to anyone who suffers from PCOS or endo or anything of the like. I don’t wish that struggle on myself or you or anyone. I’m just BEGGING for a reason to explain this to myself and to make me understand that something is wrong with me biologically. Because hearing my doctors say “you look great” every fucking month is exhausting, because deep down I know that there is no possible way I could be “normal.”
