Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold live in front of her or will she be able to change what was already written?
Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 6.1k
Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, PTSD, Depression, Zombies, character death, swearing, angst, fluff, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE MIGHT BE WRONG, plot holes, rusty writing, alternate universe
A/N: I write?? Kind of?? Tbh, this self-indulgent for sure! We love maladaptive daydreaming :) Anyways, English isn’t my first language so please forgive me for any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes! Tbh I was just gonna write one chapter per episode but I got too excited :p
Song: doomsday by Lizzy McAlpine
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YOUR OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE – 2023
It’s been three years since the pandemic, COVID-19 has taken a toll on many people. Millions have died over the past few years and you were one of the lucky ones who got by, survived, and received the vaccine as soon it was available. The world slowly begins to open up and awake from its slumber during those years of uncertainty.
So what do you do now?
You work, continue with your quantum physics research and try and make sense of your life. Someday you’ll be able to be under the mercy of light to choose your fate and your need to find certainties and concrete science. For now, you enjoy the comforting sounds of characters conversing with each other.
Immediately as the show credits show, you fold your laptop close and prepare for bed. Episode 3 of the Last of Us was the most emotional so far, Bill and Frank’s story reminds you that love will transverse in every universe. With these tired eyes, you’ve seen enough for tonight. Your eyes slowly droop down and close, luring you into a deep sleep in a state of wishful thinking, hoping that you would have that kind of love in your life. But for now, the watercolor vivid dreams will suffice.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
You groggily wake up and find yourself on the floor. Slowly as you sit up, you use one of your hands to rub away the sleep, “What the hell,” you mumble. The anxiety begins to creep in, you recognize the coloring of the walls and the type of flooring used.
You look down at yourself to check what you’re wearing, no longer in your sleep clothes but traded away for cargo pants, a shirt, socks, and black boots. What’s more concerning was the familiar voices just outside the tattered room you were in.
“There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”
A gruff response comes, “Just you.”
“Oh, funny.”
No. God, no way. This is not happening. This isn’t possible. You must be dreaming, right? You quickly stand up, and as soft footsteps come closer, you see Ellie staring at you with complete shock, “Holy shit!” she screams.
The thundering thumps of footsteps quickly make their way into the room as you stand there in complete shock. Your eyes widen in shock as you are now face to face with the characters you’ve grown to love from last night through your laptop screen right in front of you. This feels like a very cruel joke.
Dark brown eyes, salt and pepper hair, tan skin, and lines that appear as Joel frowns at you, unimpressed and suspicious. While Tess is completely covering Ellie, she narrows her eyes at you and says, “Raise your hands.”
Slowly you follow her command and raise both your hands, not wanting to increase the tension between you and them. Then you try your best to steady the trembling voice that wants to escape from you and directly look at Joel to say, “I’m not infected.”
“Show us your arm and neck.” He replies with his thick southern accent, and you bring your hand to the collar of your shirt to show them your neck and then lift the sleeves of your jacket to prove that you are being truthful.
The tension between the four of you still hadn’t dissipated despite proving that you didn’t have Cordyceps. “You got any weapons?” Tess asks and you shake your head, “No.”
Ellie groans in frustration, “Guys, I need to pee.” And you bite back a smile, her attitude, and unintentional humor. You clear your throat and say, “Um, you two could interrogate me in the other room so she can, uh, relieve herself.”
Ellie’s two protectors give each other a knowing side glance and proceed to lower their weapons that were aimed at you. You take a deep breath and then follow Joel as he first leaves the room while Tess watches and follows you from behind, making sure you don’t try anything funny.
You stand in the center of the room, with lush green grass, and flowers, you tilt your head up to look at the stream of daylight hitting your face. You take note of the overgrown plants and trees, mother nature taking back what’s hers. Eco-brutalists would be ecstatic about all of this, minus the fungi zombies.
Tess breaks the silence and asks, “What’s your name?” You give them your name and ask for theirs, even though you didn’t need to however, it is the polite and fair thing to do. You turn your head to look at both of them. They reluctantly tell you to give them their names as you try and manage to swallow away the fear and secretly hope this was all a dream or maybe a fucked up prank. Tess raises one eyebrow at you, “Where are you from?”
You purse your lips to a thin line and wonder how the hell you were gonna answer that question, you then settle for a, “It’s complicated.”
“Complicated how?” Joel gruffly asks you and you give him a light shrug in response and he scoffs.
Your shoulders sag at his reaction to your words, “I’m not trying to be difficult, I swear. It is complicated and hard to explain, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. And to be honest, I’m trying my best to wrap my head around this and find a way to explain it without sounding completely insane.”
Joel all but frowns at you but continues to ask, “You tryin’ to get to the QZ?” And without even thinking about it you shook your head in disagreement, and immediately followed your response with suspicion growing on their faces and a frown.
Tess looks at you in disbelief and says, “So, what the hell are you doing out in the city with all the infected running around? Going for a stroll?”
Not wanting to answer the question, you pivot to looking at his fractured hand and give him a light nod, gesturing to it, “Does it hurt?”
Tess glances at his hand and pushes Joel to sit on his chair, his hands shaking as he looks at his bloody knuckles. You also choose to sit on the plush cool green grass, the smell of earth fills your nostrils, and then watch the scene play out in front of you.
“Broken.” Tess states that Joel avoids eye contact with his partner in crime, “Maybe a hairline. It’ll heal fast.”
Tess looks down at the grimy floor and folded her hands in an attempt to calm herself, then raises her head as she whispers, “She made it through the fucking night, Joel.” He shakes his head at her, “It doesn’t matter. It’s gonna happen sooner or later. All right? We’re still close to the wall. We sneak both of them back into the QZ. We find a different way to get the battery.”
“This is our best shot,” Tess says unwaveringly with her decision while Joel scoffs, you watch them both like a tennis match and are surprised by the fact they didn’t even acknowledge your presence.
“We take her back into the QZ, someone’s gonna notice her arm. They’re gonna scan her then they’ll kill her.”
He harshly whispers back at Tess, “Well, better them than us. You need to stop talking about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her.”
It felt like extreme deja vu watching Joel and Tess argue, and on queue, Ellie walks back in and throws the magazine on the floor, and slides towards Tess. The kid plops down to sit next to you on the lush grass and you look at her with a small smile.
“You hungry?” Tess asks the both of you as she rummages through her backpack to find the energy bars, “You can share some of ours.”
“Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie says and takes out a chicken sandwich from her bag pocket. Tess looks at you, offering some and you politely decline, the older woman tilts her head and says, “When was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday.” You say without a thought.
“You wanna try to explain’ how you got here? Cause when we checked, you sure as hell weren’t here. Or how the fuck did you manage to survive this long with nothing?” Tess says as she chews on the bark this world now calls food. You feel your palms sweat and pulse slightly increase, you take a deep breath and say, “This is gonna sound extremely bazaar and completely impossible but try to keep an open mind because literal infected are roaming around the streets so believe anything is now within the realm of possibility. Okay?”
You got a couple of hums with curious gazes and listened as you began to speak, “I’m possibly from a different universe or world where this is all just fiction and you’re characters based on a video game-made television series. No, I have zero ideas how I got here. I went to bed and fell asleep, and next thing I know, I woke up with this painful migraine and fatigue, different clothes and you three suddenly existing.”
You paused as you took in the group gaping at you and you sigh, “From where I came from, we had a similar thing happen, a pandemic. However, it was a virus, not Cordyceps. We called it COVID-19, it could be transmitted through an infected person's mouth or nose in small liquid particles when they cough, sneeze, speak or breathe. The outbreak started in December 2019 and 6.84 million people died in the last three years during that time. We were able to make a vaccine at a rapid rate since our technology had advanced, and we were able to distribute it globally, so in the current year which we both share, which is 2023, we’re slowly trying to find our footing again as the world opens up.”
You feel your eyes glaze over, and you then shut them as you continued, “I know it sounds fucking impossible, trust me, a lot thought so too. My scientific hypothesis is that the multiverse does exist and somehow sleep or dreaming is connected to it. I really don’t know, it was all just theoretical.”
“Prove it.”
You open your eyes and look at Joel, completely surprised he spoke, “What?”
Joel’s baritone voice and defensive stare felt like electricity through your bones, “I said, prove it.”
If there’s anything you were good at, it was reading a ton of books in a short period and memorizing the important details and plot points. Visual memory paired with the love you had for these characters had you rewatching the three episodes over and over again. Quietly, you thank the younger you for being so nerdy.
You look Joel dead in the eye and turn to the kid beside you quietly looking at you while eating her sandwich, “Your name is Ellie, you got bitten by an infected while you snuck into the mall and then Marlene found you soon afterward. Those two,” you point your thumb in their direction, “need to get you to the state house in exchange for a battery so they can go find Tommy who has been missing for almost a month.”
“Holy shit. She knows my name.” Ellie said with her mouth full of her food.
You turn back to look at Joel and Tess, and then glance at his broken wristwatch, “And, um, Joel, I know how your watch broke, I’m so– .”
“Stop.” Joel lowly says, his stare as cold as ice and distrusting of you. You avert your gaze, and a blanket of silence covers the room. Shakily Joel eats his bark of food and Tess stares at you and Ellie as she chews and swallows, “Is that chicken?”
“Yup. Marlene said they get it from smugglers.” Ellie then thoughtfully tilts her head, “Guess not you guys.”
That does it for Tess and stands up to walk towards you and the kid, “Hey, hey!” Joel says as he stands up after her but Tess holds her hand out to stop him and to signal it’s fine, “Why are you so important to Marlene? And don’t lie to me, or we’ll take you back.”
“Like she said,” the kid gestures to you, “If you take me back, you don’t get your battery.” Tess scoffs, “You heard that?” and Ellie shrugs at her, the older woman mock laughs, “Then you must’ve heard he wants to shoot you.”
Ellie looks toward Joel and he doesn’t deny it, he simply stares back at her.
“If you do that, it would be the dumbest shit you’ll ever do.” You mumble while frowning, Tess turns to you and harshly says, “Zip it, this doesn’t concern you.” And you take what she said in stride and don’t push it any further.
She then crouches down to talk to Ellie, “I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult. Okay?” She then takes Ellie’s silence as consent to continue, “Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doing this for us because apparently, you’re worth something. But we don’t know what you’re worth if we don’t know what we have. So answer my question.”
Ellie rolls her eyes, rubs her face, and mumbles to herself, “She told me not to tell anybody and now I’m telling the first people that I…” She lets out a sigh and reluctantly speaks, “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”
Joel immediately groans in frustration, “I’ve heard this before.” Ellie continues, “And whatever happened to me,” and at the same time she and Joel say, “is the key to finding the vaccine.”
He sighs in exasperation, “That’s what this is? We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None of it works. Ever.”
Ellie stands up, “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”
“You and me both.” The grouch turns to his partner and says, “This isn’t gonna end well, Tess. We need to go back.”
You then remember after all those essays and news articles about your pandemic, the time when everything felt so hopeless and scary. You look at Joel and you see a reflection of your own, his fear and panic, “It’s possible.”
They both turn to you and you continue, “Theoretically, it’s possible to create a fungi vaccine, however, I’m not even sure you have the technology to produce it. And it would take finding out what Ellie truly is. Either Ellie’s immune system mutated and created antibodies to fight against the Cordyceps or something else… But either way, a vaccine or maybe a cure could be possible now because of her.”
Tess stands up, as do you, and looks at Ellie for a moment, then to Joel to say, “Let’s just finish it. It doesn’t matter if she is what the Fireflies or what an alien says.”
“I’m human.” You grumble and Tess ignores you, “If they believe that she is then we get what we want.”
Joel gives a glare at Ellie and then shifts his gaze to you, he sighs and shakes his head, “If she so much as twitches.”
Ellie proceeds to make gurgling noises and movements to pretend as if she’s turning into an infected. Tess turns to look at her and scolds in a motherly fashion, “Don’t.” You try and hold in your laugh and the young girl clears her throat, scratches the back of her neck, and mumbles, “Yeah… okay.”
Tess then turns to Joel, “Okay?”
Defeated, Joel swings his arms open and whispers, “Okay.”
The foreshadowing of the fact it will not be okay in the next few moments had you feeling nauseous. The churning fear begins to bubble inside of you, Tess is going to die, albeit a noble and honorable death, but it still would hurt Joel, and Ellie as she slowly grows more fond of the older woman. Then, it hit you, is it possible to change what already was written? Could you save them all? Well, you’re already here, might as well try.
The three of them begin to pack their belongings as you awkwardly stand there with your hands in your pockets and watch as they prepare for the journey to the State House. The sound of Joel picking up his gun catches Ellie’s interest, “Can I have a gun?”
“Absolutely not.”
“No.”
“Okay. Fine. Jesus. I’ll have to throw a fucking sandwich at them.” Ellie then shoves the leftover sandwich into her bag and Joel goes to the giant bookshelf, which is blocking the door, to the side, then peaks out of the door to check if it’s safe. You hear the sound of birds chirping and feel the warmth of the light flood in the abandoned building.
“It’s clear.”
Following Ellie from behind, you begin walking slowly toward the light and into the apocalyptic city. Your eyes take in the sight of tilted, destroyed, buildings, overgrown plants, trees, abandoned cars, and trucks. A hauntingly beautiful sight if you were being honest.
Ellie gasps in wonder as she takes it all in, “Woah.” Tess looks over at her and says, “Yeah, looks different in the daylight, huh?” Joel quickly scans the area, “We should get moving.” Tess begins to take the lead, followed by Ellie then you, while Joel trails from behind.
“It’s like a fucked up moon.” Ellie moves towards a crater and peers over it, “Is this where they bombed?”
“Yeah, they hit most of the big cities like this. They had to slow the spread somehow.” Tess says and Joel continues to walk past it, ignoring the crater and any kind of conversation. “Worked here, but it didn’t in most places.”
Unconsciously, you begin humming to the tune of a Linda Ronstadt song. The last song you ever heard before sleeping. Continuing up to a ruined building, with debris blocking your path, “So the State House is across there. It’s about a ten-minute walk if you could go straight.”
Ellie looks at both of them and you wonder how the fuck you were gonna defeat the clickers later on with no weapon, “So…”
“Long way or short way?” Joel asks Tess, she holds the straps of her backpack and the wind blows through her hair, “I mean, it’s a long way or the we’re-fucking-dead way.”
“Well, I vote a long way just based on that limited information,” Ellie says dryly, and Joel stares at her, a puzzled expression on his face, then his eyes lands on you, waiting for your input.
You frown at him, “No, don’t look at me like that. I’m not giving you any spoilers.” Joel clenches his jaw and turns to Tess, “We have to check it from the hotel first.” She begins to walk away, “Okay.”
You walk along the highway in somewhat comfortable silence, you carefully look to the ground and see a giraffe plushie, the symbolism doesn’t escape you, knowing all too well what it meant. Moss and different kinds of plants grow over the cracks of the road, you spot branches atop abandoned cars and dust covers the windows of each door.
Tess and Ellie begin conversing in front of the group, while you and Joel follow from a distance. You look at Joel and say, “I’m sorry if I overstepped a while ago. I couldn’t prove it unless I told you something only you knew.”
He looks at you in an emotion you can’t quite understand, but still responds in his grumpy demeanor, “Just don’t bring it up again.” You quickly nod, “Mhm, noted.”
It was quiet for a bit until, to your surprise, he asks you, “What did you do for work?” The smile was so difficult to hold back, you chuckle and raise your eyebrows, “I’m… well, was a Quantum physicist. You were a carpenter right?”
“It kinda’ freaks me out how you know that off the top of your head.” His Texan accent heavy as he spoke, you knew that it would take time to build his trust. His reserved and security-oriented nature would prove to be a challenge, but something you wholeheartedly would take on, “I’ll try not to do it as much, I’m sorry.”
“You apologize too much.”
“It’s a habit I’m trying to break, to be honest.” You chuckle nervously, putting your hands in the pockets of your cargo pants, and continue to walk, watching and hearing bits of conversation from Tess and Ellie.
“I thought you were some sort of’ performer, a singer maybe, with all that hummin’ you were doin’ awhile ago.”
That catches you off guard and you feel the confusion form on your face and you begin to feel your face feel warm, “What?” Joel continues, “You were hummin’ to Linda Ronstadt, right? Haven’t heard that song in a while.” You stared at him in complete disbelief, “You heard me humming?”
As he was about to reply, you and him managed to catch up to Ellie and Tess to overhear their conversation, “How old are you?” Ellie replies, “Fourteen.” Tess hums and smirks at the kid, “Wow. Well, I mean you got some balls on you, sister.”
“Thanks,” Ellies says and follows after Tess, climbing over the flipped rusted car. You follow their movements and Joel does too.
Tess curiously looks over her shoulder at Ellie and continues her walk forward, “Nobody is gonna come after you, right? Like Mom, Dad, boyfriend?”
“I’m an orphan, and, uh, no.” Ellie takes a look around her surroundings and lets her hand brush on the tall grass growing from the cracks of the pavement, “Everyone said the open city was crazy. Like, swarms of infected running around everywhere.”
Joel humors her, “Not exactly like that.” Tess smiles, “You know people like to tell stories.”
“So there aren’t super-infected that explode fungus spores on you?” Ellie curiously asks with a somewhat happy tone, as if all of this doesn’t scare her. Fearless is what you conclude, a trait that could be good when at its best but dangerous and reckless at its worse. “Shit, I hope not,” Tess says.
“Or ones with split-open heads that see in the dark like bats?” Ellie asks and that causes a shift in Tess, Joel, and your demeanor. Fucking clickers. And on queue, you hear the screeching of the devil’s spawn in the distance. The whole group stills and Ellie shakily asks, “What was that?”
Joel doesn’t reply, instead, he just says, “Let’s keep movin’.”
Joel pushes the doors of the hotel open, loudly shrieking as he does, and all three of you are greeted with the sight of the flooded hotel. It was almost swamp-like due to the green water, lily pads floating, and the ducks and frogs swimming.
Ellie takes a spin and looks at the view with a childlike wonder you wish you still had, “You’ve got to be kidding me! You ever stay in a place like this?”
“Uh, no, a little out of our league.” Tess says and Joel looks at Ellie and asks, “How do you even know what this is?” Being the smartass that she throws him a look and says, “Have you heard of books?”
You chuckle as Joel shakes his head and walks down into the murky water, “Wait we’re going in there?” Ellie asks, and Tess nods, “Yeah, we gotta get to the stairwell on the other side.” The kid takes a step back, “Well, I don’t… I don’t know how to swim.” Joel lifts an eyebrow, “Seriously?”
“Do you think we have pools in the QZ?” Ellie says with narrowed eyes. “No, smart-ass. I mean…”, Joel does a little jump into the water, it does a small splash when he does. “I don’t know how I was supposed to know that,” Ellie says as she walks down the steps and into the water, you follow behind her and Tess.
You four wade through the green murky water, “This is so gross.” Ellie says with a huge smile on her face and you can’t help but laugh, “This is disgusting.” The fourteen-year-old spots the concierge desk and makes her way over, “Oh, check it out!”
You place both of your hands on your hips and watch her mess with the call bell, “Ding, ding.” She begins to do her form of roleplay for her entertainment and to cure her boredom, “Yes sir. I would like your finest suite, please.”
“Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”, she proceeds to answer her own question and pushes the hotel bell cart through the water, “Yes, ma’am. Right away ma’am…”
“You’re a weird kid.” Joel states, Ellie turns her head to look at him, “You’re a weird kid.” Something falls over, a sloshing sound indicating that it had fallen in front of Ellie causing her to jump back and bang the piano behind her and yelp, “Oh, fuck!”
You and Joel are quick to come to her side to see what it was. A skeleton lay there unmoving and rotten, your eyes raise to look at Ellie panting and clutching onto the hotel bell cart, “Oh, my god.” Joel kicks the skull and the kid mumbles, “Uh, sorry.”
Joel offers his hand to help Ellie back up and the sound of the honky-tonk piano creates sharp notes as she stands, Joel pulls back his hand once Ellie can manage on her own and begins to walk away.
You look to Joel, “How’s the hand?” He looks down at it as it shakes again, “It’ll heal.” Your face forms a frown and you shake your head, “That doesn’t answer my question.” Joel doesn’t respond and decides to continue and you simply follow.
“You okay?” Tess asks Ellie, and the young girl wades through the water like nothing happened, “Yep. Fucking Fabulous.”
After ten flights of stairs you finally made it to the top floor, Joel goes through the doorway first, while Tess takes a moment to catch her breath, “Fuck. Holy shit.”
You’re a little breathless, but not as much as Tess since you were a bit younger than her. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” Ellie says teasingly and Tess shoots her a look, “You try climbing ten fuckin’ floors with our knees. See how you feel.”
You turn right to a hallway, to see a giant obstruction made out of the rubble, “Well, when the fuck did that happen?” Tess tries to push the door to her right, only to be blocked. You try to check the door to the left to find the same outcome, you sigh “No.”
“All right, well, I mean, maybe I could climb up there. Work my way around and open it from the inside?” Ellie peers around the rocks, “Uh, no. Well, I’m the smallest, so it’d be easier for me to get through.” Tess hums, “But you die and we get nothing. You stay.”
“I could help.” You say a little meek, Tess is a little intimidating and you feel so out of place like you’re intruding. Technically, you aren’t supposed to be in this mess. She takes a good look at you and says, “Yeah, no.”
You deflate a little and avoid trying to argue, Tess turns to Joel and asks for help, “Can you give me a hand?” Joel pulls back Ellie with the strap of her backpack and she sighs, then Joel tugs your jacket sleeve to do the same. Your face warms a little bit, it’s the first time he’s ever touched you.
Joel boosts up Tess over the pile of rubble and she climbs over, “You good up there?” Tess analyzes the mess she needs to clean up and replies, “Yeah. It’s a bit of a mess, so I’m gonna need a few minutes.”
Joel turns around to face you and Ellie, he adjusts his gun and lets his back slide against the wall to sit down across from both of you. Ellie has her arms resting on her knees while you decide to sit comfortably cross-legged.
Ellie takes out her knife and decides to play with it, tossing it in her hands as if it were just a pen and not something that could easily cut her if she commits a mistake. You watch everything play out just like it did in the episode—character development.
“Nice knife,” Joel says as his eyes follow the movement of Ellie’s tossing. She only glances at him with acknowledgment. “Where’d you learn to do that?” he asks, you gotta hand it to him for trying to make an effort.
She replies with a monotone voice, “The circus.”
Joel looks away exasperated and completely done with her bullshit. You try and hide your smile, but the slight crease in your eyes gives away your amusement. Ellie folds her knife, and as Joel sighs, the kid decides to give an olive branch, “Where are you from?”
“Texas.” He replies, and Ellie continues, “What about Tess?”
“Detroit. It’s in Michigan.”
If there’s anything she hated most, was the fact people underestimate her intelligence, she rolls her eyes and Ellie’s reply comes out harsh, “I go to school. I know where Detroit is.”
Her response causes a wave of silence between the three of you. Your eyes drift from Joel to Ellie, she then decides it’s your turn to be interrogated, “Are you from the future?”
Your mouth twists a little to the right before deciding on a good enough answer, “Sort of? Your technology stopped advancing in 2003, so, I guess I am?” This piques her interest, “So, what’s it like over there?”
You pick the dirt off the underside of your fingernails, a little nervous, or if not nervous then cautious, as you respond, “Almost the same. Our technology is way different though.”
“Different how?” She asks.
You give her a soft smile and respond, “Well, for starters, we have touch screens for phones, laptops, tablets, you name it, it probably has a touch screen.”
“No way,” Ellie says with her eyes full of amazement and wonder, “What else?”
You give a hum as you teasingly tell her, “I don’t know… it might blow your tiny little mind.” She blows a raspberry in your face and you stick your tongue out in retaliation.
“Come on! Wait, you said we were just characters in some kind of story?” She says dramatically and tugs the sleeve of your jacket and continues, “What did you mean by that?”
Your eyes shift to look at Joel, who has his full attention on you; simply waiting. You blink owlishly at him, once, then twice before settling on a response, “Yeah, um, it recently aired.”
“So, do you know the future? Like our future? What’s about to happen? Will we be able to make a cure or a vaccine?” You couldn’t keep up with her rapid questions, and your mouth slightly parts open. Should you tell them?
Can you change the fact Tess is practically minutes away from death? That Joel is about to make the worst mistake of his life? That Bill and Frank are… that they…
Luckily, you didn’t need to answer Ellie, Joel who senses your unease, steps in for you, “Ellie, stop askin’ her about her life, she doesn’t wanna give anythin’ up.” You look at him apologetically and shut your eyes for a while. This migraine keeps bothering you, a sharp, heavy, thump in the side of your brain hasn’t gone away. You tell yourself that it eventually will. Maybe.
Ellie focuses her attention back to Joel, “So you two like a…”
“Pass.” He says.
Ellie continues, “How’d you end up in Boston?”
“Pass. No more questions about me.” Ellie rolls her eyes at him and racks her brain for a different question, “How long do infected live?” Joel mocks Ellie in reply, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”
“It’s a really shitty one.” She snarkily replies. You smile at their banter with your eyes closed, enjoying the conversation that they have going on. Joel thinks for a moment before answering her, “Well, some last about a month or two. But there’s other’s been walkin’ about 20 years.”
Ellie fidgets with her knife again, “You ever kill one?”
You hear the slight sorrow in his voice, “Yeah, I’ve killed lots of them.” Ellie asks the most human question as she looks at the older man, “Was it hard? Like, knowing they were people once?”
You open your eyes to watch his gaze look away from the kid, memories come back to him, what he’s done and will continue to do, and he nods, “Sometimes.”
“What about that guy last night?” She asks, and you frown while he gives Ellie a stern look. You knew Ellie liked the fact Joel hurt the FEDRA guard to protect her. She loved it. Luckily Joel doesn’t have to respond, you could hear the sound of something approaching you. The loyalist immediately stands up, and you and Ellie get up to stand next to Joel, he puts his finger to the trigger of his gun, ready to protect you both from whatever is out there.
“You can put the gun down, Joel,” Tess calls out from a distance, and a tingle of jealousy moves through your bones like electricity. She knew him so well, to the point where she knew what he was going to do before doing it. They both loved each other without admitting it, and it hurts you. They never stood a chance.
You hear the quiet rumble of Tess pushing away the debris to open the door, the loud creak of metal reveals her face, and it’s full of worry. Joel reads her like a book, “What now?” Then Tess nods her head, signaling to follow her.
As you make your way upstairs, you take notice of the abandoned wine glass and dishes, the dust that coats every inch of the hotel, and the fallen chairs. Tess pulls back a plastic curtain for you and Ellie to walk through, only to be greeted by the view of hundreds of infected down below.
“There’s so many,” Ellie comments in disbelief, you can hear the cries and wailing of each Runner as they roll and crawl. The young girl leans a little forward to get a better view. Tess nods, “The last time we were here they were still deep inside the buildings. Then I guess enough people came through looking for the QZ they went inside seeking shelter, and that’s how they get more and more of the city bit by city year after year.”
As the clouds pass by, the sun shines through a little, overwhelming light shines over the infected, they screech and roll away, like a domino effect. “They’re connected,” Ellie says, and Tess nods in confirmation, “More than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers like wires, some of them stretching over a mile.”
If you weren’t so focused on listening to Tess explain the cordyceps, you would have felt Joel staring at you the whole time, observing how you were taking all of the information being shared. You were surprisingly calm, despite the fact zombies are now real and you could die. And possibly a little worried like you were anticipating something bad was going to happen.
Tess continues, “Now you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place and you can wake a dozen infected from somewhere else. Now they know where you are, now they come. You’re not immune from being ripped apart. You understand? It’s important. I’m trying to keep you alive.”
Ellie nods and you do too, even if the question wasn’t directed at you. “So we’re not going that way.” She states, and Tess agrees, “No.”
“What do we do then? Short way?” Ellie asks and Joel looks at Tess, and speaks the dreaded words you’ve heard before, “Museum.”
A/N: Trust me, I’m working double time on the next one if this is received well :,) Thank you for reading! See ya in the next chapter <3
Based off - Episode One
Pairing - Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings - General violence, language, a good bit of angst
Words - 6.3k
A/n - Hello! Welcome to my the last of us rewrite! I wasn’t sure whether or not I was going to write this as I’ve never tried to start a rewrite without having watched the full series first. I’m hopping everything I’ve planned for the reader’s character works out and I hope you enjoy it!
⇨ Next Chapter
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Masterlist
There was a hasher side to having the job Y/n did. But, the bad things were lucky they didn't weigh out the good. She had a job that not many could replace. At least, not yet. She may not occupy the great muscle that soldiers did but she held knowledge above a college level. Without, any sort of school system left standing, Y/n was a rarity many had fought over. Though, she found herself settled in Boston for the last ten years.
A very long, a very complicated ten years.
She wiped the used needle, putting it back in its box of the remaining free that they had no choice but to keep using over and over. The woman turned, halted by the figure standing in the doorway between the hall and her makeshift office. She shifted and her expression turned sour as a huff fell from her lips, "I thought you were avoiding me."
Joel was leant against the door frame, hands in his pockets ever so lazily. "Apparently Doctor Davis is unavailable." He informed as his gaze guided along her. "And I'm in need of pharmaceutical resources."
She shook her head, "Doctor Davis was demoted because he failed inventory. Lost some painkillers and couldn't explain it. We came to the conclusion a smuggler was behind it." The man tensed. "Whatever it is you want Joel, I'm not helping you."
"What about a check-up?" He pressed.
"You want a check-up?" She gestured to a group behind him, analysing some lab work, yet they lacked the lab coat that hung around Y/n's shoulders. "Get one of the junior doctors to do it for you."
Joel glanced back at them and scoffed, "You mean your little science projects?" He raised a brow which seemed to taunt the woman.
She walked from the middle of the room towards the door. And even with him towering over her, her stern expression didn't dare to break. "I'm not giving you anything, I'm not helping you. So whatever has brought you here after a year, I can't do-"
"It's Tommy." He interjected, his gaze falling down to meet hers. Her lips shut. "Its been three weeks. He hasn't responded."
Y/n thought on it for a moment but the second her eyes met with Joel's, he knew it was a lost cause. "That's got nothing to do with me anymore, just like you don't."
He peered behind him, catching sight of the working group once again. He looked back and leaned in slightly, his words only a hushed whisper, "I know you don't owe me anything, but-"
"You're right." She cut him off like her tongue were a knife. "I don't owe you anything. I'm sure you or Tess will figure something out." It took Y/n a lot, but she looked him in the eye and she swore all she could see was a flicker of a memory she had forced herself to forget. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got somewhere to be."
But Joel nodded and took the rejection in his stride as he turned his back to her and exited the building.
Y/n wasn't lying. She had somewhere to be. Somewhere she needed to be desperately in fact. She left the building with a bag of her usual medical supplies. This was her third time sneaking around in the last week; she was surprised no guards had started to catch on. Then again, as Joel had once put, the white lab coat she wore seemed to open every door and drew any attention away from her.
She took the same route. Though, as organised with Marlene, never the same time. Y/n's lab coat couldn't quite hide her from everything, she still had to be smart. She slipped into the Fireflies building, unnoticed and, seemingly, safely.
There were a few people dotted around, all of them tightly focused on their individual tasks.Y/n didn't have to walk far until coming across Marlene, likely planning within the space of her own head. "Hey," The woman greeted, wandering around the table where maps were laid out. She jolted a little, only settling when her gazed settled on Y/n. "Jesus, what's up with you?"
Marlene huffed as she looked back to the papers scattered beneath her, "Got some new resources coming in before we move." She informed.
"Since when did that put you on edge?" The other girl questioned.
She finally pulled her gaze from her maps, finding her palms settling on her hips. "Since it's a new smuggler whose delivering."
Y/n nodded her head in realisation, "Ah, right." She uttered before her eyes pulled to a door situated across from them. "You spoke to her yet?"
Marlene looked to the door too, "Yeah. Once we get this stuff, we're gone." Y/n met the gaze of her friend and found a glint of regret surged through her pupils. "You can still come if you want."
She flashed an apathetic smile, "You know I can't." As much as she may have wished she could. "I'm the only doctor they've got left in this zone."
"What happened to Davis?"
Y/n could have laughed. In fact, she almost did, "Helping Joel smuggle painkillers." By the expression Marlene wore, she wasn't all that surprised by such. "I'd go with you if I could, but you can get her out of here and you keep her safe better than anyone else ever could."
Marlene shifted in her stance, her expression softening, "You can still come with us. We'll find somewhere with better medical supplies, somewhere that's safe-"
"Marlene," The girl cut in. "Nowhere is 100% safe, I think here is the best place for me." She went on, taking a cautious step forward as her voice lowered, suddenly aware of the ears which could be listening in. "There will be other scientists, other medics, whatever you need will be out there to maybe do something." She assured.
"We'll miss you." She sent a smile which was easily returned.
"I know." Y/n was already walking out the room as she continued, "How long have I got to do vitals?"
"Dealer should be here in five."
Y/n nodded in understanding and fully turned, heading for the room Ellie was still stuck in. As she had been doing for two weeks now, the girl entered the room with her bag of medical supplies and a smile she hoped would comfort the kidnapped girl. Ellie wore the same clothes she came in. Yet, now, she was freed from the chain which once kept her here, along with having her bag returned to her.
At the sound of the door opening, Ellie stood, relaxing only a little when Y/n walked further into the room. "You're still here." She observed with knitted brows as if she hadn't expected it.
Y/n unzipped her bag, pulling out the damaged and remaining supplies she had. "What? You miss me?"
"That lady-" She gestured her head towards the doorway.
"Marlene?" Y/n questioned.
To which, Ellie nodded and continued, "Said I was leaving. I wasn't expecting the FEDRA doctor to come with me."
"I'm not coming with you." She broke to the younger girl.
Something of which seemed to insight panic, "You're not?"
Still, with that comforting smile which wasn't doing a brilliant job, Y/n shook her head. "I can't." She started walking further into the room. "Come on, sit, I still need to check your vitals before you go."
Ellie wasn't certain but she took to the floor as Y/n did. The woman reached for the blood pressure machine and as she always did, she turned to find Ellie had already rolled up her sleeve. "What will you do now then?" Inquired the girl.
Y/n didn't look away as she strapped the machine around her arm, turning it on as it started to squeeze against her skin. "Nothing different." She answered mindlessly.
She waited until the machine relaxed around her arm before continuing, "You know they tell stories about you at military school."
The older woman barely looked up from jotting down the results as she answered, "And do you bother to believe them?"
Ellie shrugged, "Some are a bit far-fetched." She thought aloud with a hum as Y/n reached for a thermometer. And, as had become routine, Ellie looked to the side as Y/n scanned her ear. "Mainly the ones that call you a murderer."
She chuckled, "And what are they becoming in military school I wonder." The thermometer beeped and Y/n pulled it back. Once again, noting down the results. "I wish I could come with you, you know." She admitted.
"Then why don't you?"
Y/n thought on it for a moment. She thought about avoiding the answer all together but that curious glint in Ellie's eyes seemed to insight her. "Because them stories you've heard, they travel further then your little military school."
The younger girl was about to give a reply when the mutterings from outside the door got louder. At first, Y/n wasn't going to pay much attention to them. That was until she caught the words woven between the sudden sharp tones. "This wasn't what we agreed." Yelled Marlene.
A sickening scoff was sounded, "Oh, was it not?" Taunted another voice. Y/n wasn't certain, but she made an assumption it was the new smuggler. Obviously not one to be trusted by the sound of things.
She glanced back to Ellie who was listening just as intently as she were. "Stay here." Y/n instructed.
Ellie watched with wide eyes as the woman slowly crept closer to the doorway, keeping low to the floor as to not give away her location. Well, more importantly, as to not give away Ellie's location. She peered her head around the doorway, lucky to find most backs faced her. The smuggler and his fellow guard dogs were talking to Marlene and a few other loitering fireflies.
"Look, I don't know what your plan is here, but either you're going to get what we actually agreed on or we're gonna have a problem." Said Marlene.
She scanned the various smugglers. Their ripped and ragged clothes. And then the pistols which hung from their belts, accompanied with shivs and other blades. A part of her worried for the woman who was facing the group, but Y/n knew Marlene could handle herself. And while she was certain Ellie could too, she took the decision to protect her.
With a sharp inhale, Y/n delicately pressed the door shut, holding her back against it. She met Ellie who had still yet to move from her spot. "You got a gun in that backpack of yours?" She questioned, quietly, gesturing to the bag which was near the girl.
The girl didn't speak. Instead, she rummaged through the bag and pulled out a very small pocket knife. Not a gun, not a dagger, just a small, blunt pocket knife. Y/n could have sworn they were dead there and then.
"I don't think that's how this is gonna work!" Snapped the male voice, immediately followed by the sound of gunshots.
Y/n stiffed and her gaze jumped to Ellie. She gestured her head for the girl to come next to her. She followed, scurrying across the wooden floor as her back leant aginst the door like Y/n's did. The sounds of bodies getting hit and thrown jumbled with groans of pain. Y/n reached out her palm as Ellie passed the only thing they had to protect themselves. She had no plan on moving from this room. She would wait it out. The only problem which plagued her was if they dared to look in the locked room.
Alas, long moments passed of holding their breath before the gun shots dwindled out. The sound of movement was limited to the sound of body's dropping and suddenly, the only noise from outside their room was the mumbles and groans that Y/n struggled to make out. "Is it over?" Whispered Ellie from her side.
The younger girl was looking up at her for assurance that she was unable to give. So Y/n kept her gaze to the floor as she focused on every sound she could catch. "I don't know yet."
The groaning continued and Y/n thought about escaping the comfort of the room which was keeping them hidden. Then came the footsteps. More than just a pair and that was enough to keep her body and Ellie's behind the door. "Shit," She heard Marlene curse. Another voice replied in a soothing tone which told her the girl was safe.
"It's Marlene." Ellie noted, worry glazing her pupils as the two looked to one another.
"I know." Y/n huffed.
"Well, aren't we going to do something?"
The expression written over the woman's face gave Ellie her answer. She wasn't going to do something. Not yet, anyway. So in an act of desperation, Ellie snatched her pocket knife back and busted the door open.
"Ellie, don't!" Her voice screeched. Y/n scurried to her feet, attempting to grasp the young girl, but she had slipped from her fingers.
Though by the time the words had slipped from her tongue, Ellie had been thrown to the floor again and Y/n found herself faced with the barrel of a gun. A gun that was held by Joel Miller. "Y/n?" Questioned Joel as if he didn't quite believe it.
And, in a similar fashion, she did the same, "Joel?" Their eyes both snapped to the end of the hallway where Marlene was stumbling with a gunshot wound, held in a steady position by Kim.
Then Y/n's eyes jumped to Ellie and her expression simply read: Told you so. Y/n looked passed the gun that was still held at her head, "Ellie? You okay?" She asked, glancing between the weapon and the teenage girl.
She hummed something along the lines of a, "Yeah." before reaching out for the pocket knife, almost bruising her fingers as Joel stepped on it, keeping it from use.
"Ellie." Called Marlene. At first, the girl seemed too captivated with sending a death glare to Joel that she hadn't dared to turn away. "Ellie." Marlene repeated, more stern and forceful than before, prompting her to finally look away.
Her eyes found Marlene's face first, then they jolted to the blood which was drowning her t-shirt. "Oh, shit!"
Marlene hovered a hand in front of her as if silently saying it was okay. "No, it's okay. I'll be alright." She lowered her gun. "You can't be stupid like this."
"Trust me," Y/n spoke up. "I'd tried to stop her." The two were like scolding parents with a disruptive child.
Y/n only caught a glance, but a glance was enough to process the puzzled, tender emotion that was painted over Joel's face. Even if he had yet to move that gun from her. "So this is who Robert screwed us over with?" Came another voice as they rounded the corner: Tess. "The Che Guevara of Boston and the FEDRA medic turned firefly?" She scoffed as if it were laughable. "War must be going pretty shitty for you to buying from scumbags like him."
Y/n found her eyes rolled but her lips stayed tied shut while Marlene replied, "Yeah, it kinda has been. Merch was bad and he didn't take fuck off for an answer." Which would explain the voices her and Ellie had overheard before the gunshot started.
"What about you?" Y/n's gaze jumped between Joel and Tess. "The hell are you doing here?"
Tess snapped back before Joel could, "None of your business."
"Give me my knife." Demanded the voice from below.
The voice of which had been ignored. "What do you need a car battery for?" Joel interrogated.
Ellie moved when she shouldn't have. Maybe the fact she was ignored had prompted her on as she reached for her knife anyway. Thus, leading to the gun once pointed at Y/n to point at her. Marlene and Kim both raised their weapons. And with nothing else, Y/n swiftly pulled the shiv from Joel's belt, swinging it around his throat.
It hovered over his skin just as the gun hovered over Ellie's forehead. "Don't point it at her." She stated in a slow, firm tone which had seemed to send a shiver down Joel's spine.
He didn't dare move. So he gave a harsh whisper in reply, "Then where the fuck am I meant to point it?"
"I don't care." She said. "Just not at her."
So, with that, Joel's hand moved. Rather than point to Marlene or Kim, Y/n felt it prod below her ribs. Sharp and prominent that it made the thought of breathing fearsome. "Why do you need the car battery?" He asked again.
This time, Y/n felt obliged to answer, "For a much better reason than you do." He pushed the gun further into her skin and she tensed.
Luckily, Marlene swept in to continue, "Tommy's just one man." She felt the gun relax slightly at the mention of Joel's brother. "It's our business to know things."
"To know things." The man reiterated. "You're the cause of it. You turned my own brother against me."
"Not the only reason." Y/n mumbled, expecting that to cause Joel to push the gun against her skin again. Alas, it seemed to just keep his lips sewn shut.
Within the silence, Kim brought everyone back to current matters at hand, "That was a lot of gun fire. FEDRA's gonna be on their way." As if they didn't already have enough to deal with.
"I know." Marlene nodded.
Y/n looked over Joel's shoulder, "What do we do now?" It was obvious Marlene was stuck in a thought. A thought of which she didn't seemed to like. "Marlene?"
She sighed but let on such thought, "We were going to move Ellie out of the zone tonight. But we won't make it anywhere like this. Not for a while." She explained. "So now I'm thinking, you're gonna do it."
The shock from both parties encouraged them to pull away as the shiv left Joel's neck and the gun left Y/n's ribs. Spontaneously, together, there came a chorus of negative responses:
"What? Marlene-"
"I'm not going with them!"
"The hell we are."
Glances were shared between the three of them; all of which opposed this very stupid idea. "Who is she?" Tess inquired, considering this deal.
"To you, she's cargo." Suppose that was how they were sure to look at this.
"We don't smuggle people." Said Joel.
Kim looked over at Marlene and offered, "I can do it."
That was instantly shut down by the wounded woman, "Kim you don't have a fucking ear on your fucking head." And that plan went out the window just as quickly as it had come in. "There's a team of fireflies waiting for her at the old State House. We were going with a whole squadron for that very reason. But now I don't have a squadron or a truck. FEDRA's five minutes away. What I do have is you."
Maybe it was practical, but it was still a stupid idea with how delicate they must handle this situation. "Why can't Y/n take me?" Ellie queried.
Tess had scoffed at the idea of that as she stared at the doctor, "Because she's got no idea how to survive without these walls which keep her precious prestige."
She could only reply to Tess with a deadly glare that did nothing. But as she looked back to Joel, she spoke up, "I know what you're both capable off." A glint passed through the man's eyes that she couldn't pinpoint. "For better or for worse."
"What are they capable of?" Came that vulnerable voice from below.
Y/n's gaze flickered to Ellie before back to Joel, "We can give you what you need to find Tommy, not just the battery."
Marlene backed that up, "Just get her to that house safely."
It seemed they were on the brink of a deal when Ellie had to throw in a curve ball. "I'm not going without one of you." She was peering over at Marlene and Y/n, that worry still lingering in her pupils which sparked guilt.
"I'll just slow you down." Marlene pointed out, still having that gushing red pool at the fabric of her shirt.
So then eyes landed to Y/n. The automatic answer of 'I can't' didn't seem to follow. Not when she was facing Ellie's desperation to feel secure with someone she could trust. And it took her a long moment before she sucked it up, "Okay, I'll go with you." She decided.
"Y/n-" Marlene was about to remind her of what she already knew, about what could be awaiting her out there if she wasn't careful.
"It's okay." Y/n assured.
"Well this will be a first." Critiqued Tess. Again, something that had earnt her a glare from Y/n as she was left with nothing else to respond with.
The couple soon met eyes, Joel nodding his head before they trailed over to have a silent conversation. Y/n took that as her chance to move over to Ellie, handing the knife back over to her. "Talk it through but please remember I'm bleeding out over here!" Yelled Marlene.
That seemed enough to draw their ever so important conversation to a close. "Alright, here's the deal." Tess started as she spun on her heels to face the group. "The three of us will get her to your crew at the state house but before we hand her over, they give us everything that we want. If not, we kill her. There and then." As in true Tess fashion.
And, almost too quickly, "Deal." Agreed Marlene.
"Really?" Ellie uttered. "That fast?"
"You are all that matters." Marlene said. "My team will not jeopardise that."
Y/n helped the girl back up to her feet, "Come on, lets get your stuff." She gave one more glance to Joel and Tess before wandering back into the room.
Ellie grabbed her backpack and Y/n stuffed her medical supplies back into her bag. By the time they exited the room, Marlene was by the doorway, offering a pistol to Y/n. "Just in case." She uttered.
She glanced between the weapon and the woman who had grown to become her friend. "Do I get one?" Ellie beamed.
In synch, they both snapped back, "No." Before Y/n took the offer, shoving it in the waistband of her jeans.
"You stay safe out there." Was the last thing Marlene said to her before her and Ellie were trailing behind the smugglers. Joel took one last stare and Y/n overheard Marlene as she practically threatened the man, "Don't fuck this up."
There came no reply from Joel. Instead, he must have nodded his head and continued on with the rest of them. They tread through the pouring rain. Pace in their step as they walked against the curfew. Ellie was smart. Any whiff of a solider and she had her face hidden. Right up until they entered an apartment complex.
Tess led the way, stopping at what Y/n assumed to be their apartment, unlocking it. She slipped in first and held the door open. Ellie wandered in first, her curious eyes translating between this new surrounding. And Y/n followed her. Which was when Tess moved. "Give us a minute." She stepped back through the doorway, and before either of them could realise what was happening, the door was slammed right in their faces.
"What the fuck!" Exclaimed the young girl, while Y/n found it to be expected. Tess had never particularly warmed to her.
Ellie huffed as her back hit the wall. Y/n took further steps into this apartment that wasn't her own, but seemed to have speckles of her memory. Most memories which had Joel attached to them. The blanket they had once shared, the old board games she had been adamant they kept, the books which words were rich, but their pages were lacking in such as they started to tear. As Y/n kept walking, her eyes fell to the paper insect that hung by the window.
The cutout butterfly glistened against the street lights, it's colours reflecting into the room. It was a haunting memory of someone Y/n was still certain came as a comfort to Joel. "Do you trust them?" Ellie questioned, finally moving from the wall she had once been leaning against.
Y/n peered away from the butterfly, "I trust Joel's need to find his brother." Their voices still lingered outside. When the girl looked to Ellie, she was sat in a deadpanned expression, urging for more information. To which, Y/n obliged. "For now, I trust them. I'll let you know if it changes."
Ellie started snooping herself. Though, not for what parts of her might still linger in this room, but for what she could use as leverage. Something better than a blunt pocket knife, she hoped. "How do you know 'em?" She wondered as her fingertips tranced a bookshelf by the window.
"Old friends." Y/n uttered and Ellie hummed in response as if she didn't quite believe her but didn't bother to pester further into the topic.
"Tess!" Yelled Joel's voice from the other side of the wall. Y/n turned, facing the door which was still closed on them. Then she looked to Ellie who was flicking through a music book. "Tess!" He repeated.
Soon after, he entered the room, clearly not in any better of a mood. He threw his bag to the side and headed for the couch without muttering a woad. "So?" Ellie spoke up. "Who's Bill and Frank?"
His eyes widened slightly before meeting Y/n who had seated herself in the armchair by the window. "Didn't I tell you she's good at eavesdropping?" The woman raised a brow.
Ellie continued on: "The radios a smuggling code, right?"
Again, Joel looked to Y/n for an answer. "Or that's she catches on quickly?"
"60s song they don't have anything new, 70s they've got new stuff." She went on, reading from a note tucked into the thick book. Joel stood from the coach. "What's 80s?"
He snatched it from her hold and threw it to the battered coffee table which was somehow still standing. Then he returned back to the coach, getting comfy against the fabric once again. Y/n was just about to turn her head to the window, when Ellie piped up again. "What are you doing?" She was standing over Joel.
"Killing time." He said without taking a peak back at her.
"Well what am I suppose to do?" She snapped.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Ellie spun, facing Y/n who didn't have any excuse for Joel's unwelcoming ways. She took the book back, dragging a chair over to where Y/n was sitting. "Your watch is broken." She pointed out as if Joel were unaware.
That time, his eyes pulled open, meeting Y/n. They both thought the same thing but neither of them made a move to voice it. Ellie huffed harshly as she sat down, "Why were you friends with him again?" She asked.
Y/n stole one more peak at the man who had shut his eyes again, though was still obviously listening, and she chose it best not to answer. Her gaze pulled to the window as she attempted to wash away the thoughts of the day. She wasn't sure yet if she had just made the worse decision she could, but leaving this zone was the biggest risk she could possibly take. Only time would tell if that risk was going to come back to haunt her.
Hours must have passed. The sun set and curfew was soon enforced. Ellie had shut the song book and joined Y/n in staring out the window like it was the most entertaining thing in the world. Somewhere along the lines, Joel stared to stir back awake. Ellie noticed first, "You mumble in your sleep."
Y/n turned her head, confused as she expected Ellie to be talking to her, only to find her eyes centred on Joel. The man pulled himself up and the young girl continued on with her words, "I've never been on the other side of the wall. Look how dark it is. You guys go out there a lot?"
"I guess." Joel answered, still in between the state of dreams and consciousness.
"When was the last time?"
His eyes flickered to Y/n before he said anything, "A year. Maybe." He shook his head, seeping into a different topic, "What's it matter?"
Ellie shrugged, "You know where to go. So were gonna be okay?"
Silence passed and neither of the adults in the room knew how to answer that question. It seemed a matter of false hope or reality. "Yeah," Y/n finally uttered. "We'll be fine." Or so she prayed they would be.
"What's the deal with you anyway?" Queried Joel. "You some kind of bigwigs daughters or something?"
Y/n replied before giving Ellie the chance, "Since when did you ask questions?" She snapped like the words meant something.
Joel shifted at that, standing from the couch in an act of opposition. "Sorry," He spat back. "I won't do it again." Y/n watched as he turned his back to her, wandering over to the kitchen tables. Suddenly, she was wishing she had given the chance for Ellie to speak first, a guiltly feeling burdened her gut that she knew wasn't going away any time soon.
"Oh, the radio came on while you were sleeping." Uttered the younger girl once tension had sizzled slightly.
Joel snapped back around as Y/n scolded her, knowing where this was going, "Ellie-"
But it was no use, "What?" The man rushed. "What was the song?"
"He kept saying like 'wake me up before you go-go'."
Joel looked down, "Shit." He muttered to himself.
And such had ever so easily given him away. A smile tugged at Ellie's lips as she said, "Gotcha." It was with that when Joel finally caught on too. "80s means trouble. Code broken."
"I did warn you." Y/n added.
The man was about to point his finger and scold the girl just like Y/n usually did when the door swung open again. Tess walked in and all three of them stayed silent. "The spot under Lancaster looks good." She informed before pointing to Ellie. "You got a jacket in your pack?" She nodded and then Tess glanced over to Y/n. "What about you, prestige? Got something other than that lab coat?" Her response was a silent one, the answer given to Tess by the expression which was written over her face. "Of course, you haven't."
Joel was already moving as he spoke, "I'll go get you one from the war-"
Some material hit her chest before he could finish. The man stopped, seeing as Tess had thrown her one from her bag anyway. No one dared to say anything. Y/n slipped from her lab coat to Tess' jacket within the matter of a moment before she announced, "Let's go." And with that, the rather dysfunctional group exited the apartment, uncertain as to when they would return.
The streets were littered more than usual. Soldiers lined the roads, their guns aimed and trucks patrolling the area. Each of them stayed clear of the light, weaving and tangling through the bodies which could easily catch sight of any of them. They were lucky to get so far. Though, once they were outside of the wall, loitering on the outskirts, it may as well not have been worth it.
Tess led the way, turning a corner they didn't realise was going screw them over. "What the hell?" They all stopped at the voice they didn't recognise as one of their own. They turned, a soldier starring at each of them, all while his zipper was undone.
"Shit," Y/n mumbled, instinctively nudging closer to Ellie.
The man scurried to make himself some-what presentable before addressing the group. "Hey, hey! Don't move!" He threatened and they are raised their hands at the sight of the rifle he grasped. And then he uncovered the front of his helmet, "You got to be shitting me."
Y/n looked to Joel; of course, she should have known. "Okay let's talk this out-"
"Turn around!" Suppose he wasn't in a talking mood. "Get on your fucking knees!" He demanded when none one of them moved.
"Now, hold on-" Joel tried again.
And again, he failed. "What did I fucking tell you man? Stay the fuck home."
Y/n glancd to the man, "Glad to know you shared that information with the group." She huffed.
"Get on your knees!" He ordered again.
This time, Tess moved. "Just get on your knees." The woman said. And they followed her, dropping to the dirt and mud. "Listen you let us do this run, we'll split the cards with you."
"Oh, will you?"
She nodded, "Yeah."
But Tesss' plan hadn't worked. He laughed and gave her the sarcastic reply of, "I'm so blessed." Which was followed by, "Put your hands on your head. Eyes forward."
"Really man?" Y/n looked across the line to Tess who was being tested.
Shit. Her eyes widened, soon to meet an equally worrisome Ellie. "Yep." Said the soldier. "We're doing this by the book." The machine beeped and Y/n knew her and Joel were all that stood between Ellie's life and the soldier.
"Alright, how about three-quarters?" Tess still nagged.
"Joel?" Y/n leaned over, her voice low in hopes to not gain the soldier's attention.
He looked between her and Tess a few times before finally listening, "What?"
"Unauthorised exit." Continued the guard.
"I didn't tell you everything." Y/n spoke up to Joel, lucky the guard was too focused on the beeping machine in front of him.
Joel's brows became knitted, struggling to follow her words in such dire situation. "They'll hang you for that." Informed the soldier as he moved behind the man.
"Fine!" Said Joel, bypassing Y/n's words for a moment. "Everything from this run and half off on the pills."
The machine beeped, followed by a scoff from the soldier. "Half of?" He reiterated like it was pitiful. He moved to behind Y/n as he responded, "All off!"
Y/n slowly brought her eyes to meet the man next to her. Her pupils empty as she knew what awaited them. And in that moment of complete uncertainty, she could only say one thing. "Joel." Her words were drowning in the type of fear he had only ever heard her say once before. And that's when he realised something was truly wrong.
The machine beeped behind her head before the soldier moved on to Ellie. Y/n couldn't take another breath. Not until she heard the soldier groan and stumble. The four stood to their feet, watching as the blunt pocket knife was soon shoved into the man's thigh. "Ellie!" Y/n snapped.
And while the girl had lept for Ellie, Joel lept for the guard. The rifle was soon pointed right at him. "Woah woah, we can fix this." Said Joel in the calmest tone he could muster in that moment.
The soldier gave one order: "Move."
And Joel didn't listen to it. He jumped forward, tackling him to the ground. The rifle was thrown to one side. Once given the upper hand, Joel started punching. And punching. He didn't stop until the breath from the guard's mouth did.
He slowed. He realised. And then he rose, turning to face what was left. Y/n was holding Ellie who seemed curious at the violence which had occurred. Not scared, just curious. He looked up and down between that sight and his bloody hand. There were thoughts plaguing his mind. Enough that it had pulled Y/n forward, as softly, she called, "Joel?"
It was more of a question, a prompt for assurance which wasn't given in return. She stepped closer to him until he was only looking at her. "Are you okay?"
He never got the chance to answer. "Joel! Joel!" Screamed a panicked voice from behind them.
Tess was showing the machine, the blinking red machine which meant infected. "I'm not sick!" Ellie claimed.
"Tess, you don't get it." Y/n went on as she jumped to protect Ellie once again.
"Look!" The younger girl yelled, rolling up her sleeve and the wound which painted her forearm. "This is three weeks old!" Tess inspected it herself. "Nobody lasts more than a day. This look a day old to you?"
Y/n went on to add, "You have to trust us Tess. Why else would the fireflies and a doctor be working together?" Tess seemed to be coming around to the idea. "Why are we all trying so hard to keep her fucking safe? Huh? We need to go, alright?"
The sirens made clear of that plan of action. Y/n took a hold of Ellie and Tess started to lead the way once again. "Joel!" Y/n yelled and the man glanced at her. "Come on, we gotta go!"
It took him a moment. He stared between the body and the girls which were already leaving before he started walking, grabbing the rifle as he did so. He joined the side of the woman he once loved as they followed the one he did love and the dead girl walking.
Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?
Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Suicide, reader in this chapter thinking of unalive, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!
Word Count: 10.8k
A/N: HELLO! WOW UM YOU GUYS ARE SO KIND AND SWEET AND AHHHHH every time I write I get so fricken nERVOUS bcs I want to do it right and I heckin’ put a lot of pressure on myself every time I create something and I want it to be good and now I’m slowly beginning to realize I’m a perfectionist AHKJFHAHA But it’s so worth it, I always look forward to your comments and feedback and warms my heart to see you all enjoying the series so far! ALRIGHT go go go go!
(P.S. UHHH THIS GIF MAKES ME GO FERAL DASKJJFHASKDGH WHY AM I SMILING SO WIDE RN PLS I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM HNGGGG)
Song: hate to be lame (feat. FINNEAS) by Lizzy McAlpine
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TLOU WORLD - 2023
KANSAS CITY – MIDNIGHT
Joel has his large frame covering your body and you’re trying to steady your breathing. His fingers are still gripping your waist tightly, feeling them pressing onto your skin. You hear Henry speak in a commanding voice, “Eyes on me. Eyes on me.” You and Joel slowly bring your eyes to him, while yours are wide with fear like Ellie’s, Joel’s eyes are narrowed in anger. He’s pissed at himself right now.
Henry has the gun pointed at Ellie, who was kneeling with her hands up, he speaks again, “You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.” Joel only utters a single word, “Okay.” Henry shifts his weight, making it clear he’s never done this before, “Okay, um…” You try and speak up, “Henry, please put down the gun–” This takes him aback and he sputters in anger, “How the fuck do you know my name?” Your body flinches at the sound of his rising voice and fear of what he would do.
Joel’s gaze darkens, it was like as if a switch had flipped, his vein is close to popping out of his neck, he is the turbulence and wrath all at once, and he shouts at Henry, “Don’t fuckin’ talk to her like that. Only talk to me.” You and Ellie look at him, mouths slightly parting and blinking up at him in shock. There is a sudden pause that fills the fair, and Henry understands that you were important to him, just like the girl who was kneeling in front of him. He shifts his weight again to his other side and speaks calmly this time, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this but if I lower my gun we didn’t hurt you so you don’t hurt us. Right?”
Joel stares at him with daggers in his eyes, and refuses to warm his tone as he replies, “That’s right.” Henry blinks twice and nervously says, “That’s a weird fucking tone, man.” Ellie is quick in trying to diffuse the situation, “That’s just the way he sounds. He has an asshole voice.” She turns to stare pointedly at him and says, “Joel, tell him he’s okay.” You softly say, “Joel, please.” A beat passes, but Joel doesn’t let up, his voice becomes colder, and stares unwaveringly as he looks at Henry, “Everything is great.”
Ellie lets out an exasperated sigh, “Dude.” While Henry lets out a curse, “Fuck!” His hands are shaking and you get to hear the rattle of the gun as he speaks, “Okay. Listen. I’m gonna trust you.” Henry lifts his arm to get Sam’s attention, the young boy turns his head to his older brother who begins to use sign language, “I’m going to trust him.” Sam signs back to him asking, “Are you sure?” And Henry reassures him, “Yes.” His voice rises again, “But if either of you guys try anything…” He points the gun closer to Ellie’s head, indicating what he means, “Yeah?”
Ellie replies with an unsteady, “Yeah.” And Sam steps off of you and Joel, no longer perched up above you. You feel his grip loosen a bit, but his presence is still there. Joel thinks for a second and asks Henry, “Can we sit up?” And he replies simply, “Yeah. Slow. Get up slow.”
You feel his hands leave your hips and slowly remove himself from you, and you and he sit up slowly, doing as you were told. Joel asks for verification, “Is your name, Henry?” He nods, “Yeah, my name’s Henry. That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now… my guess is you’re running a close second.” Henry lowers the gun from Ellie’s head, and the uneasiness of the situation dissipates a little bit. You feel your throat closing up as you stare at Sam and Henry, two characters whose futures were written with crayons and coloring books. It was misspelled and outside the lines, and you know their stories end in tragedy.
You, Joel, and Ellie sat across from Henry and Sam, in a fully formed circle. They had asked if you had any food and you nodded, grabbing the remaining packs of food from your bag. The lamp in the center illuminated the room, brushing aside the dark and making room for the bright. You were all chewing and eating quietly, discomfort hanging in the air, a scale waiting to tip off balance, this alliance that had been formed through force and tension.
While chewing, Henry decides to break the silence to ask, “Where’d you get these?” Ellie chirpily replies, “From Bill. He’s dead.” Your lips form into a frown at her words, even though you haven’t met Frank and Bill, the thought of them always causes your eyes to glaze over, your gaze now distant, over the memory of their love and how it ended. Not knowing what to say, the two brothers keep quiet at her statement.
Joel is busy glaring at Henry, unhappy and pissed at his presence, but his overwhelming sense of responsibility takes over and looks to the younger kid Sam, he crumples up the wrapper and gives his remaining food to him. He smiles and taps Henry’s shoulder, signing a thank you, and telling Joel, “He says thank you. I’m guessing you don’t have much, so this means a lot.”
Joel doesn’t say anything and he’s completely stoic, you decide to look at Sam and give him a small wave and you begin to move your hands and arms to sign and speak, “How old are you?” Everyone looks at you in surprise, not expecting what you had done, Henry raises an eyebrow, “You know ASL?” And you nod and signed as you spoke so Sam could also understand, “I’m close with my cousin, she’s deaf. I decided to take up classes early on so I could gossip to her about boys every time she came over after school without my parents finding out.”
Joel can’t take his eyes off of you, his compartmentalization is cracking and this close to shattering. He wonders how he got so lucky to have you with them, and this contrast with Joel’s abject terror at having to feel any sort of fondness or emotions towards you and Ellie. He’s trying to find a reason for him to be angry, to lash out at you for being so kind in an upside-down world, but he can’t bring himself to.
Sam smiles and signs to you, “Eight.” Ellie smiles and says “Cool. I’m Ellie.” And you sign her name for him, and he nods in understanding, you also sign your name and he smiles at you, what a beautiful kid. Ellie then wacks Joel on the knee so he could be polite and introduce himself, he looks at the girl with a frown, and she persists him, he sighs, “I’m Joel. Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other let’s call this a win-win and move on.” Henry cleans his hands and swallows the rest of his food, “Well, I’m betting that ya’ll came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun’s up I’ll show you one.”
TLOU WORLD - 2023
OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY
“Welcome to Killa City.” Henry says as you three look out the large glass window, “No FEDRA.” Joel states and Henry confirms this, “Not as of ten days ago, no.” Joel has his arms crossed over his chest, while you stand beside him, he says, “We always heard KC FEDRA was…”
“Monsters? Savages? Yeah, you heard right.” Henry said and he recounts what happened in those walls, “Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years. And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get the chance, they do it right back to you.” You shudder at the thought of that, for twenty years FEDRA raped, tortured, and murdered for sport, all because they had the opportunity and power to do as they pleased. “But your not FEDRA?” Joel asks him, Henry looks up at him, “No, worse. I’m a collaborator.”
“What’s a collaborator?” You ask, and Joel answers you, “He’s a rat. I don’t fuckin’ work with rats,” He’s turning and about to usher you away but Henry is swift as he retorts, “Yeah, you fucking do. Today you do because I live here and you don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city, and that’s how I’m gonna help you get out.” Joel’s eyes narrow in suspicion, “Why help us?”
“I saw what you did. What you both did. The way you killed those men.” His eyes shift to look at you and Joel subtly steps in front of you to block him from staring at you, his protective instinct taking over, Henry stares at Joel again, “Now, I know where to go but I don’t know how to make it through alive. Not if it’s just me and Sam.”
“You seem capable enough. You’re armed.” Joel says and Henry shakes his head, “You’re wrong and wrong. Never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at both of you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent. So that’s the deal. I show the way. You clear the way.”
A laugh from Ellie and Sam causes the three of you to bring your eyes to them. They’re reading Ellie’s pun book and giggling to themselves. Henry has made a major admission to the two of you, that their guns were not loaded. Joel faces the window again, trying to decide, and you hug yourself with both your arms and listen to Henry say, “Haven’t heard that in a long time.”
“So how are we getting out?” Joel asks reluctantly with both hands on his hips, he has no other option but to let Henry lead the way. He grabs a piece of paper, places it on the conference table, then uses a pencil and begins to draw a map of the area, he begins to explain how to cross the highway, “Highways, downtown.” He points to the center of the paper, “Us.” He circles a specific area of the map, “This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”
“She’s in charge?” Ellie questions next to you, “Leader of the resistance,” Henry confirms, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question. So how do we get across?” Henry bangs on the table, the vibrations getting caught with Sam’s senses, he looks to Henry and signs to him, “How do we get across?” The young boy nods and writes across the Woody Woodpecker doodle pad, and he holds up the board, “Tunnels.”
Henry snaps his fingers, “Boom.” And Joel is perplexed as he questions, “Kansas City has a subway?” The older brother looks down before replying, “No, but they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including… a bank building here.” He begins to draw on the sheet of paper again the graphite leaving marks on it, “So we enter the tunnels here travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential.” Joel has his mouth twisted to the side while you’re trying to process all the information being said by Henry, “There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river,” he claps his hand for emphasis, “free as a bird.”
“You’re right. That’s a great plan. So, what do you need me for?” Joel his voice was deep and stern as he asked, Henry, licks his lips nervously and takes a breath before replying, “You noticed anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen.” You’re quick to reply, “There’s no infected above ground.”
“Bingo, damn she knows ASL and she’s observant, you’re pretty smart,” Henry says and you stare wide-eyed at his compliment, not knowing how to take it. Joel, however, is clenching his fist, and scowling at him. He clears his throat, uncomfortable and intimidated, “FEDRA drove them underground fifteen years ago and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.”
“So you want us going into a tunnel?” Joel states and Henry quickly defends himself, “Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is it’s empty.” He smiles smugly and Joel is skeptical, “You’ve been down there?” Henry replies with a meek, “No,” Joel takes a deep, frustrated, breath, about to chew him out but Henry pushes on, “but the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean, completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”
“When?” Ellie asks this time, “Like three years ago.” Henry replies, and Joel tsked at him while placing both palms on the table, shaking his head in disapproval, he responds with, “Okay, maybe, there’s one or two but you handle it.” Joel looks up at him, “What if there’s more?” Ellie adds, “And one of those blind ones that sees like a bat?” Henry looks surprised, “Wait, you ran into a clicker?” The young girl acts brave, “Two of them.” He then says proving his point, “And you’re still alive. You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there we turn around and run right back out the same way we came.” Joel pushes himself off the table, puffing his chest, “That’s your great plan?” Henry shoots back, “No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan. But as far as I could tell,” he shrugs, “it’s our only shot.”
Joel sighs and you hear a thumping sound from the table, it’s coming from Sam, and he signs, “What are they saying?” Henry looks to you for an answer, and immediately your gaze is fixed on Joel, the temper in his eyes cool down and soften, this tells you all you need to know, you look to Sam as you speak and sign to the young boy, “We’re going to help you escape.”
TLOU WORLD - 2023
BANK BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – DAY
The group makes their way across the street and into the abandoned bank. The tall glass windows made you restless, if one of the rebels drove by someone could spot you easily. Joel reads your mind as he says, “We need to get out of sight.” Henry takes a look around and spots the entrance, “Uh, I think it’s this way.” Joel nods and the group breaks into a jog to the right-side hallway of the bank building. The squeak of the door fills breaks the silence and the shine of flashlights chase away the darkness. All of you enter, and Henry says to Joel, “This should be it. You ready?” Joel shifts his gaze to Ellie and then you, “Get your gun out.”
Ellie smiles and pulls it out of her jacket pocket and you do the same, Joel begins to take the lead and you trail behind him. He pushes the large metal maintenance door, shining his flashlight and making sure it’s clear. “See, it’s empty. The plan is good.” Henry says optimistically, and you shake your head, pinching the bridge of your nose. You hear Joel shush him, “The plan is good? We’ve been down here for two seconds. We don’t know anything.” Henry leans back a little, tilting his head at Ellie and you, “You’re dad’s kind of a pessimist.” And in synchronized fashion, the two of them reply, “He’s not my dad.” While Joel says, “I’m not her dad.” You nearly laugh and hide your face with one of your hands as the other was currently holding the flashlight and gun. Henry doesn’t say anything and Joel begins to give instructions, “Just point your light forward and be ready to run.”
You walk a few paces behind Joel with Ellie right behind you, the sound of footsteps echoes in the tunnel, and with every step, you hear the sound of the cement beneath your boots. After what seems like an hour, you take a left, to a section of the tunnel, and stumble across a colorful entrance, one you instantly recognize from one of the scenes in the video game. A castle is painted at the entrance of the door, and blue covers the walls representing the sky, people were drawn on them, child-like in manner. Flowers were painted, along with hills and rainbows.
Ellie lets out a quiet, “Woah,” as your lights bounced around the walls to admire and inspect them. You see Sam about to open the door but Joel stops him while shaking his head, “No.” He goes first, pushing the heavy door, taking a peek with his gun out, and finding no infected.
The rest of the group follows him inside to find chairs, tables, toys, and books scattered around the room. You see the large goal painted on the wall and find a ball right next to it. Joel looks up to find the ventilation fan and says, “I heard about places like this. People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements.”
“What happened to them?” Ellie asks, and Joel looks at the whiteboard with the written house rules, “Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and they all got infected.” Ellie hums and walks over to one of the tables, Sam plops down on one of the chairs, and she messes around with him. Joel looks at a kid’s drawing on the wall, figures representing Danny and Ish. You look over his shoulder and then approached the wall, grabbing the drawing. Joel watches you and asks, “Do you know who they are?” You nod, “Yeah, Ish’s backstory might be different though. But the summary of it is that he established a community here with another guy named Danny, and Suzan and Kyle, with their kids. And several others, but at some point, a door was left open. Just like you said, someone forgot to follow the rules.” Joel sees you frowning and your eyes sad, “What happened to them?” You look up at him, “Ish, Suzan, and the kids escaped and made it out to the suburbs, after that their fate is unknown.”
You hear Ellie and Sam find a Savage Starlight comic and hear her excitement, “No way! I love these!” They begin to converse over the comic issues that they have, you shine your light around the room, looking through books and drawings. You hear Ellie speak again, “To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and Survive.” He begins to teach her how to sign the last two words, “Endure. Survive. Fuck yeah, man!” And they giggle and high-five.
“Keep it down. We’re not out yet.” Joel says and you’re busy grabbing one of the science books that was left behind, you hear Ellie groan, “Oh, c’mon. Can we just rest here for a while? There’s like actually shit to do here.” Henry pipes in, “Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit. Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side.” You also decide to mumble, not caring if they heard or not, “And let them be kids for a bit. It wouldn’t hurt them to have a little fun.”
Ellie looks at Joel, and seemingly outnumbered, he shrugs and lets them do whatever. The three of you sit at the table, next to Joel, while he and Henry watch both of the kids play. You are busy studying the book you found, was a bit outdated, but it still held the key information you needed to review, and for some reason, you’re having a hard time remembering important memories.
You hear Ellie and Sam having the most fun that they’ve had in years. Their life is a gorgeous broken gift, with billions of people waiting to be fixed. They were just kids who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up, and suddenly it fits. They grew up too quickly, but if only they knew, that the sunlight shines a little brighter, the weight of the world’s a little lighter all because of them.
You hear Joel lowly speak, “If you were… collaboratin’ to take care of him I shouldn’t have said what I said. I don’t know you’re situation. And I’m not sayin’ they should let it go, but… All things considered, seems kinda cruel… to send a whole army after you for that.” You raise your eyes from the book, watching the two men, Henry looks down before he admits what information he was hiding, “You know, I wasn’t… exactly telling you two the truth before about me not killing someone.”
Joel turns to look at him with his mouth slightly parted while your eyes are simply waiting for him to continue, “There was a man, a great man. You know, he was never afraid, never selfish, and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that? Kind of man you’d follow anywhere.” Your leg begins to bounce up and down in anticipation while you slowly bring your eyes to Joel. He wasn’t that kind of man, and despite that, you knew deep down you follow him anywhere. Henry continues and your eyes dart back to him, “I mean, I wanted to. I would’ve. Yeah, but… Sam, he… he got sick. Leukemia.” Your leg stops bouncing after that, you completely go numb and breathing becomes a little harder. A pause between you three, a dose of reality that there were plenty of other illnesses and diseases besides the cordyceps they had to worry about. The quality and value of human lives have deteriorated over the twenty years in their world, and the decisions people have collectively made, to fight each other rather than together inevitably cause the apocalyptic world they have today. You know so little, yet fear so much. You aspire not to expire at the hand of some infectious disease. Children can no longer have proper childhoods, and no more clumsy start to adolescence, the moment they were brought into this world, they now also carry the burden of the past.
Henry continues, “Yeah, anyway… there was one drug that worked and, whoa, big shock. There wasn’t much left of it and it belonged to FEDRA. And if I wanted some it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen’s brother. Yeah, so… you still think they should take it easy on me? Or am I the bad guy?”
You rub the side of your face in exhaustion and stress, while Joel gives him a one-shoulder shrug, “I don’t know what you’re waitin’ on, man. The answer’s easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing.” You shake your head, “What was his name?” He promptly responds, “Michael.” You continue, disagreeing with his statement, “No, it will never be that easy. You made a human decision. You took a risk because of your love for Sam at the cost of an uprising that wouldn’t have even happened if you hadn’t done what you did.” Henry only looks at you with guilt then he stares at Joel, “But you get it, though. You might not be her father, but you were someone’s.” Joel doesn’t deny it and simply looks down at the table while Henry goes on, “See, I could tell.” He shifts his gaze at you again, “You weren’t a parent, but I see how hard you try to be there for everyone.”
Joel looks at you for confirmation, but you merely blink with a gaze full of denial, you turn away and stand up from your chair while grabbing your flashlight, gun, and bag, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. The sun is about to set, let’s go.” For the first time, you were the one to walk away.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
PARKING LOT OF THE BANK OF AMERICA, ON THE WAY TO THE SUBURBS, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT
The sound of the metal door opening fills your ears as you walk out of the stairwell, flashlights shine through the darkness as Joel asks, “Do you know where we are?” Henry replies with optimism, “Yep. The other side.” You begin to walk away from the parking lot and into the suburbs. You pull Joel to the side and tug on his arm, he leans down to your height before you could go on your tip toes, and you whisper, “Joel, I’m not sure Sam and Henry are gonna make it. So far it’s been good, and things might’ve changed but I’m not sure what’s going to happen next, ‘cause I can’t remember how it goes from here.”
He looks at you with great concern, “What do you mean?” Your eyebrows tense and your eyes nervously move and shift as the words spill out of your mouth, talking in circles, “Henry might kill himself, but I don’t know why, something is stopping me from fully remembering, I was gonna tell you as soon as I could, but everything was happening so fast and at first I couldn’t recognize anything until the settlement we found… but I can’t… I’m trying my hardest, I swear but–” Joel grips your shoulders and you freeze, “Look at me.” You can feel your heartbeat racing, the anxiety running through your bloodstream and crippling your ability to breathe, “Hey… Hey. Look at me. It will be fine, we’ll figure it out, together.” Your eyes slowly fix on him as the both of you stood there, you know Joel doesn’t make promises, he isn’t at that point yet, but his sense of needing to care for you, to find a way to get rid of your distress, is slowly overpowering his practicality right now. He feels it within himself as his eyes are steadily on yours, trying to keep you grounded, here with him. Slowly, you come back to yourself and take a deep breath, mimicking his breathing.
The world was brighter before you had learned to dim it down, now you call it survival, breath is borrowed and our compass within you stands still. Beneath your brave and trusting feet, all revelations come to you in recovery, you start to nod at the man in front of you, who had his hand still gripped on your shoulders, “I’m fine. I’m okay. Let’s keep going.”
You hadn’t realized that the rest of the group had stopped a few steps ahead of you to give you and Joel the privacy you needed, he lets go and you follow him forward, Ellie only gives you a reassuring smile and you gently smile back at her. There are rows of houses sound asleep, and only streetlamps notice you, while you look for signals, for a clue.
Joel continues to lead the pack and you hear Henry comment from behind you, “No one is here. No one’s gonna be here because my plan worked.” You look up to the sky in annoyance as you, “Can you not say shit like that. It’ll jinx us.” And Joel clicks his tongue at him, “So much goddamn talkin’.” Ellie smirks at both of your attitudes while Henry points out, “I’m just sayin’, I deliver.” He raises his arm and directs, “Make this right, go down the street embankment behind the last house… and we’re out.”
Ellie peers at Henry questioning him, “So we cross the river, and then what? Where ya gonna go?” He ponders for a moment, “Don’t know yet.” And Ellie can’t help herself as she says to him, “Well, we’re goin’ to Wyoming.” Joel turns his head to glare at Ellie, she shrugs at him, “What? It’s a huge state. It can fit two more people.” He looks ahead, not wanting to argue with her, Henry senses Joel doesn’t want them joining, “Yeah. Maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells.” Ellie replies, “No. He’ll change his mind. Trust me. This is how it goes.” Then she begins to mock Joel’s tone and voice, “He’s like, ‘No, Ellie. Never, ever, ever happening.’ And then I’m like, ‘I’m gonna ask you a million more times.’ And he’s like–”
The sound of a bullet piercing through one of the rusting cars on the side of the street causes all five of you to flinch and duck your heads, you hear Ellie scream, “Fuck!” You’re all confused and puzzled, looking for the source of the sound. A second shot rings out and you all fully process you’re now in a potentially life-threatening situation. Joel shouts and covers you all, “Move! Move! Go!” You all run to hide behind a car, and get low on the ground, “Where the fuck is that coming from?” Henry asks and Joel hisses at him, “Shut up.”
Joel peeks to try and identify where the sniper is positioned, he sees a muzzle flash go off at the end of the road, the highest window of the last house, and he ducks back down. The sharp sound of glass shattering behind you. You hear Henry, “Shit. All right, fuck. Let’s move. Let’s go.” And proceeds to grab Sam by the wrist, attempting to run away, Joel yells at them for their naiveness, “What are you doin’?” He replies, “Gettin’ the fuck outta here!” But another gunshot rings out, hitting the rooftop of one of the nearby cars, Henry reacts and drags Sam back to the three of you, he asks panting, “What do we do?” Joel tries to peek again and luckily the guy misses and hits the car’s trunk.
After assessing the situation, Joel tucks his revolver back in his gun holster, “All right. Stay here.” Ellie whips her head to look at him and you do the same, all at once you both say, “What?” He brings his body to fully face the both of you, “If you don’t move, he’s not gonna hit you. I’m gonna go around, try to get in the house from the back, and then I’ll take him out.” Ellie brings up her valid concern, her voice filled with worry, “But if you go out there he’s gonna kill you.” Joel responds with confidence, “It’s dark and he has shit aim. Nobody’s gonna kill me.” She tries to argue, “Then he’s gonna kill us.”
A beat passes. Then Joel looks directly at Ellie, his eyes firm and steady, with no ounce of doubt, he asks her full of conviction, “Do you trust me?” Ellie swallows down her fear, blinks, and nods. “Birdie, watch over her,” Joel commands and leaves you no room or time to argue, he gets up and proceeds to make his way over to the house down the road.
You and Ellie anxiously watch from a distance, each second you’re secretly praying and wishing that nothing happens to him. Your heart is beating so loudly, the sound of drums beating and thumping non-stop, your worry so evident that you try and stop the oncoming tears that threaten to spill off your face. How quickly did you grow attached to someone who you once believed wasn’t even real? The truth is, the chances are you are alike, against the odds and the grain. Against what better judgment writes, you both ache like children for love. You have no stakes on the ground or an anchor tied down. There are no guarantees, you know nothing but your fears of attachment and neediness.
You toss your feelings away, letting them sink deep below the ocean floor in your chest. It doesn’t matter. You remind yourself and watch him make his way to the back of the house, no longer seeing the silhouette of his figure. Two more loud pops and then the gunfire stops, the four of you sit in quiet eerie silence. You couldn’t tell if minutes or an hour had passed, but a distant gunshot could be heard, this time not directed at any of you.
You hear a revving car from a distance, and Joel distant yell but is unable to understand what he’s trying to communicate. Ellie’s ears perk up and you all stand to see lights appearing from a distance. Shit. You grab Ellie by the wrist and yell out, “Run!” You feel your whole body working; your leg muscles running warm, cold air entering your lungs and blood flowing into all your limbs. Your calves burned, and your breath formed clouds in the air. You look up at the house while sprinting, and from a distance you see Joel trying to take out the driver of the plow that was barreling through the cars. You and Ellie try to shoot while running, but it does essentially nothing to stop the truck.
The tensions heighten when Joel’s rifle jams and you three are helplessly trying to evade the plow. But this jam provides pause for Joel to collect his breath and re-aim, so the next shot he fires takes out the plow driver. The large truck crashes into a house, causing it to go ablaze and a loud explosion occurs. Ellie falls to the grown and you pick her right back up, quickly ushering her to Henry and Sam, who were hiding behind one of the old and rotting cars, you ask her, “You okay?” She replies with a small, “Yeah.” You hear a loud voice coming from a woman, assuming it’s Kathleen, “Dead end, Henry. Gonna step on out? Save us some time? No? That’s all right, it doesn’t matter.”
Henry looks at Sam, who’s terrified and shaking, he yells out, “I’ll come out! Just let the girl and the kids go!” Kathleen clicks her tongue and in a calm tone, she responds, “No. Sorry. Those two girls are with the man who killed Bryan. And Sam… Well, Sam’s with you.” Henry argues, “You don’t understand!” And the rebel leader pushes back, “But I do. I know why you did what you did. But did you ever stop to think that maybe he was supposed to die?” His voice chokes up as answered, “He’s just a fucking kid!” You can hear the way Kathleen rolls her eyes, “Well, kids die, Henry. They die all the time. You think the whole world revolves around him? That he’s worth… everything? Well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate.”
You couldn’t help yourself, the lightheadedness you feel, the built-up stress, the adrenaline within you, the gasoline that had turned into a flame, an anger that could match a bull’s, recklessly you shout at her, “I’m sorry about Michael, I am. But, Kathleen, can you fucking look past your revenge? Past your hate? Did you even fucking realize that none of this would have happened, your so-called freedom and victory over FEDRA would have never happened if your brother hadn’t died.”
“You have no idea what it’s fucking like! To be without him! He was everything!” She shrieks and you raise your voice louder, “I fucking do! To have everything you’ve known and loved taken away from you? To lose? I know it all too well. Kathleen, can’t you see? We all lost. All of us lost the day the outbreak happened.” There was a pause, and you hear the gears turning in their heads, you continue, “Will killing us bring them back from the dead, or will it just validate your anger? The world ended and all this time we’ve wasted trying to kill each other instead of working together to try and fix the obvious problem. And for what? Tell me. What good did it do?”
A collective silence fills the air, save for the only noise coming from the burning house across the street, Kathleen shakes her head and shifts her weight from one foot to the other, sealing her fate, “I don’t care.”
You shake your head in disappointment, Henry grabs you by the wrist, “Get ready to take them and run.” You start to argue but reassures you, “Yes! Do it.” You grab Ellie’s hand while she holds Sam’s, ready to run. You hear Kathleen speak again, “It’s time, Henry. Enough!” He takes a deep breath before you watch him stand up, his hands in the air, walking into their view. Kathleen shrugs, “It ends the way it ends.” The click of a gun could be heard, and you anticipate the gunshot but instead hear a loud rumbling noise.
You peek past the cars to see the plow truck has damaged the basement of the house, caving a hole into the sewers below, and then you hear the familiar sound of groans and screeching. The Infected geyser up out of the hole, all at once, sprinting towards the rebels. The sounds of gunfire rang out and more infected came up out of the hole, they seemed infinite. Henry joins back to the three of you and hides behind the truck, a Clicker chases after him and stands atop the truck only for it to get shot by Joel. Henry grabs Sam and decides to run away, you and Ellie do the same. Only for you to get separated when a Clicker grabs Ellie, and Joel shoots it from the perch. The impact causes you both to fall, this is when you and Ellie spot an open car window. Knowing you won’t fit, you tell Ellie, “Go, I’ll help clear the way and then find another way to the house.” She nods and begins to crawl, and you raise your gun and fire at the infected, trying your best to protect Ellie, doing what Joel asked of you. Hearing the more shots from above, you knew Joel was also clearing the way for Ellie.
When she crawls through the window, your mind begins to race. You need to find cover and fast. Finding another car, you duck behind it, reloading your gun as you do. You shouldn’t draw attention, and make as minimal noise as possible. The screams of rebels being attacked fill your ears as well as cars ramming over dozens of Infected. A Clicker approaches you but you push down your fear and side-step it, twisting your body and then shooting twice at its head. It falls limp to the ground, a Runner tries to grab you but you manage to hit it with the butt of your gun, shooting it straight in the head.
You hear a large growl from the crater, and turn your body to look for the noise. Motherfucker. A Bloater begins to emerge from the underground, completely covered in fungal armor plating, its belly sagging and spores popping out from each part of its body. The massive beast tears into the army like it's made of paper people. No amount of bullets will do any damage to the Bloater, and you have zero molotov cocktails, the best course of action was to get Ellie and run. You spot and see Ellie hastily crawl out of the van, a child clicker screaming from the inside of the car. You dart your eyes to see where Ellie is going and spot Henry and Sam surrounded by two Infected.
You sprint your way over there, helping Ellie get rid of the first Clicker and Joel shooting the second one from a distance. A thin layer of sweat covers the back of your neck, and you can feel the aching of your back, as you fight off another Clicker, its mouth screeching at you and trying to bite you. Another loud pop of a gunshot rings out and the Clicker goes limp, you take a large breath and grab Ellie, along with Sam and Henry. The young girl yells out, “Come on… come on! Go… Go!”
You make it out past all the chaos to the front area of the last house, as you run, you hear Kathleen shout, “Stop!” All of you turn to face her, she has a gun pointed directly at Henry. Your heart is racing, and your breathing rate rises rapidly, you bring your eyes to an infected crawling from behind the fence, and Kathleen turns to see what you’re looking at. She was too slow to react, the child Clicker shrieked and jumped on top of her, and the leader of the rebellion fell to the ground screaming. The creature thrashes and mauls her alive as she’s screeching for her life. A car crash you couldn’t turn away from, as you watched her get bit, mumbling under your breath, “Comeuppance.”
Joel makes his way downstairs and outside the house to find all of you frozen, he yells to get his group's attention, “This way now! Move!” Joel is the last to follow, ensuring everyone’s safety. Even from a large distance, you could hear the hundreds of clickers making their way into Kansas City, ready to infect and destroy the foundations they have built.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT
With the fighting over, the five manage to find a safe refuge away from the carnage. A motel suite far away from the infected in the city, for now. The stars are a choir in the symphony of the black; they are lights that sing in limitless ways. Sometimes music is needed for the eyes, and the deeper the night, the sweeter the melody.
You, Joel, and Henry sit in the musty living room area. Henry is sitting on top of a bedside table, while Joel is sitting on the floor, one leg curled up to his chest while the other is stretched out, he has his back to the radiator, and you are next to him curled into a ball, elbows almost brushing, but they don’t. You can hear the chirping of crickets, indicating the bugs have come out to play and exchange stories. The only source of light is the yellow glow from the bedroom, you watch Ellie and Sam continue to read the comic book that they found from the settlement.
“You think they’ll be okay?” Henry asks, still eating the remaining food you’ve packed. Joel nods, “Yeah, I think. It’s easier when you’re a kid anyway.” There’s an audible gulp as he swallows, “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.” Henry nods, “Well… I guess we’re doing a good job then.” Joel agrees, “What’s that comic book say? Endure and survive?” And the other man confirms it, “Endure and survive. That’s shits redundant.” Joel gives a breathy laugh, “Yeah, it’s not great.” Henry chuckles with him, “Yeah, no.”
You get up from the floor, not having the heart to tell them how they were wrong. Those kids now felt an enormous amount of responsibility for one another. And to survive means to stave off death, but to endure means to emotionally harden oneself, and tolerate the pain of survival. You begin to walk out the door of the room and Joel calls your name but you don’t turn around, he calls for you again, “Where are you goin’?” You don’t look at him as you lie through your teeth, “I’m just gonna go look at the stars for a bit. I’ll be right outside the door.” You exit the room after that, quietly shutting the door, and sitting on the pavement that faces the parking lot.
You let out a loud sigh, close your eyes, and cover them with your hands. You’re completely worn out, your mind is full but you can't speak, these tired gears, and you’re here somewhere between, drained from the events of today. You remove your hands from your face and take the gun out of your holster, letting it lay flat on the palms of your hand. The heavyweight of your decision rests on a single action.
You nervously lift the left sleeve of your jacket, the bitemarks of the infection are there, but there is no sign of it spreading, no yellowing or puss seeping out of your skin. Your mouth partially opens in shock and confusion, with only one thought in your mind. What the fuck?
You pull the sleeve of your jacket down. This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Then again, you’re in a supposed fictional world with its main cast of characters. None of it should make sense. But you figured, the rules would apply to you as well, that you could get infected. You felt ignorant, humiliated, and painfully unmagical. You are old enough to distinguish a sorceress from a lonely girl, and magic from survival. You make every effort to leave the past alone; it is the result of living in the between, the weight of your found family, and the pull of gravity.
You slowly form your hypothesis in your head as to why you’re immune. Could it be because you weren’t supposed to be here in the first place? You recall something from your previous research notes, ‘In theory, it could be possible to analyze the state of every atom in a person’s body and transmit it to a new location, where the person could be reassembled atom by atom.’
You take a large inhale and rest your head on your hand, which means needing enough information and processing power by using a quantum system, and while measuring, there are multiple possibilities, until the measurement is conducted. But that processing power would have needed an immense amount of energy.
In the tug of war between the tide, you were swept ashore like bottles holding prayers. The courage you contained, and the flutter of your earnest heart, will fill the silent seas, and it has restored a part of your memory. Radiation has become a key factor in the multiple theories you’ve read over the years. So when your atoms had been reassembled, your body must have also mutated and adapted to kill foreign infections, including the Cordyceps.
You hear the sound of the door closing and you don’t need to guess who was there behind you. With the heavy footsteps and sound of the rustling jacket, he quietly groans as he sits next to you on the pavement, the smell of ash and smoke exuding from his being. Joel notices the gun, which was now on your lap but he remains silent, not knowing what to say or do, while you’re deciding if you should share what you’ve discovered with him. You didn’t even register that you were bouncing your leg up and down again until he cautiously and slowly placed his hand on your knee, which caused you to stop the action.
You tilt your head to look at him, and he sees the clear glaze around your eyes, this moment, where you recognize you have no idea what the future holds anymore and the story you’ve been silently telling yourself about what the future is going to be like, has fallen apart in a matter of minutes. It doesn’t get replaced with any new information, it’s simply vanished, an atmospheric tumult. You find no comfort in this discovery, it's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and mistaking one stair for another. Your foot slips through the air, and you have a sickening moment of gloomy astonishment as you struggle to reset your perspective.
You are desperate for some kind of clue, this kind of fear of the unknown terrifies you, the sudden obliteration of expectation, the overwhelming feeling of frustration and fear builds up and rushes down like a rapid river stream. You bite down your lip to stop it from trembling and fold your hands to stop them from shaking. You’re trying to find the best way to avoid confrontation or conflict, but Joel still has his hand on your knee, not letting you get up and leave again without explaining yourself. You could be described as a great river, one which can carry everything along with them but with a hidden dammed-up reservoir of energy. You have very little access to it, due to feeling bad for rocking the boat. For this reason alone, you are generally tired all the time.
Take a deep breath to center yourself, willing yourself to not stutter, and you tell him word by word what you’ve discovered and the possibility of how you got into this world. He stays silent, listening to every word coming out of your mouth, even the science jargon he’s not used to. But what he does understand is, you’re immune just like Ellie. He’s still silent by the time you’re done, and you’re so nauseous that you might throw up on him. You turn away from him, waiting for him to lash out at you, scream and leave you behind. He takes his hand away from your knee, you feel the air in your lungs refusing to leave, and you shut your eyes, anticipating the warm body next to you to walk away.
Instead, he removes the gun from your lap and places it on the ground right next to him, then he holds your elbow cautiously and gently, and your eyes open in surprise, you watch him roll up your sleeve to see the bite completely faded, leaving an almost unnoticeable scar. He brings his eyes to yours and he anchors you down safely, there is rage in his eyes, and you quietly whisper, “Joel?”
You feel his hands squeezing your arm as he hissed at you, “Are you out of your goddamn mind? You should’ve known better than to go out there fightin’ all those infected. How could you be so reckless? What were you thinkin’?” You’re befuddled by his sudden lashing out, you narrow your eyes and try to uncover what he truly meant, and you try to calmly reply, “Joel, it’s okay... Next time, I’ll be more careful, and since I’m immune–” He talks over you, stern and unsmiling, “There will be no next time.” You pull back a little from him, “What? Are you serious? I’m immune and there was barely a scratch on me when the car–” He doesn’t let you finish your sentence, his voice so cold as he says, “You got hurt. Twice. Because of me. Of what I did and keep asking you to do and you would’ve ended up like–”
You frown and can’t help the questions in your mind spiral, what if your injury had gotten worse or you hadn’t been immune? You could have turned. Just like Tess. Does he believe you’re her replacement? That you could be like her? Or you could end up like her?
You blink at him, putting more distance between you two, there is a war inside of you, you are out of depth at this altitude, it’s suffocating you, and feel your walls cave in. Your throat closes up at the thought of him thinking you were like her, that you could ever be her replacement, and your voice is soft and vulnerable as you admit the words you never wanted to say, “Joel… I’m not her. I’m not Tess.” He flinches and recognizes the hurt in your tone, and his heart sinks to his stomach faster than a stone hitting the bottom of a lake. You turn away from him, not wanting to give in to his warmth and strong protective nature, “I’m not her.”
The absence of sound between you two is deafening and consuming all that it touches. In your mind, you beg for it to stop, the need to fill the gaps with a problem you both don’t need. With folded arms and tired eyes, you try your hardest not to cry. The heavy ache in his chest leaves him restless and unable to find the right words to say. Sensing that there was nothing left to say, you stand up and turn to walk away but Joel grabs your wrist and you bring yourself to look at him to see his eyes silently pleading for you to stay. You bite the inside of your cheek and sit back down, expecting Joel to let go but he doesn’t. This causes you to lift your eyes and find him with his mouth open, trying his best to communicate with you without his pride and anger getting in the way of something good.
“You’re right, you aren’t Tess.” He said with his voice low, and can’t help the tears spill out from the rim of your eyes, you whip your head away from him, trying to pull your wrist from his grasp but he doesn’t let up, “Joel, let go of me.” He doesn’t, instead, he holds you tighter and says, “You aren’t Tess, Birdie. You are so much more than that… You are one of the good in my life that I… Hummin’ bird, I don’t know what I’d do if…”
He has trouble continuing, him admitting fragments of what he said shook you to your core. You’re incredibly clever but it takes you a while to process what he meant, so you tilt your head and try to see past his defenses, with these tall invisible walls he keeps himself in. You try to understand his perspective, it is why your mouth forms an ‘o’, not a gasp but the start of, oh, of course. He doesn’t see you as her. But he is angry, yes, but not at you, at himself. He wasn’t able to fully protect you. He made the tough call of crashing the car into the laundromat and you got hurt in the process. And then specifically asked you to watch over Ellie for him and you got bitten because of what he asked you to do.
You slowly lift your other hand to rest on his cheek, and he flinches, but after a moment he allows himself to relax, unsure and clumsy, you say, “Joel. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine. I’m alive. I’m here with you. See?” You feel the want of thrill, of taking a risk. The pleasure of feeling the rush as feel yourself grow warmer. You let it happen.
The cracks begin to show, he feels his restraint slipping away, brick by brick and piece by piece. His struggle is not anymore with you, but with himself, his fears and desires, and the cognitive dissonance arising within. God, he’s so afraid, he wants so badly for his selfishness to win, and chooses to flutter his eyes close, with your hand still on his cheek, gently stroking his face, and for once, he thinks to himself, just for tonight, he leans closer to your touch, letting you become his sanctuary.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY
You had fallen asleep on the dark green carpeted floor next to Joel, using both of your jackets as pillows. Joel had moved in his sleep again and curled himself around you. His heavy warm arms wrapped around your waist and the ghost of his breath on your neck.
A loud thump and the sound of Ellie screaming jolts you and Joel awake. You sit up and see Sam tackle Ellie out the door of their bedroom. She hits the carpet, trying to fight off Sam, who’s scratching and shrieking at her, he has turned into the first stage of the infection. Ellie’s yells are piercing through your ears and you crawl to reach for the gun next to you, only for Henry to snatch it before you.
“Nope!” Henry says as he aims the gun at you and Joel, and Ellie is shrieking your names, for you and Joel to save her. You and Joel have a look of pure rage as you both try and take a step forward only for Henry to shoot at the floor, causing both of you to flinch back. Ellie tries again, wailing and crying out your names, and it only takes a second, before Henry turns the gun and shoots Sam right through the head. Blood splatters on the wall and the young superhero goes limp on the ground.
Your entire body is trembling, while Ellie is kneeling on the ground, looking at Sam’s lifeless body, you look at Henry, who is whimpering and sobbing, he blinks and watches his little brother’s blood stain the carpet, like spilling ink. Joel is heavily breathing and focuses on the young girl, “Ellie,” she turns numbly at him, “Are you okay?” He goes walk towards her, only for Henry to point the revolver at Joel’s head. Without a second thought, you step forward, protecting Joel from Henry. You raise your hands in front of you and plead, “Henry, easy, easy… Henry, please give me the gun.” His breath is shaking and erratic as he asks, “What did I do?” You try and calm him down, “Henry…” He doesn’t listen and still asks, “What did I do? What… what did I do?” He looks down at Sam’s limp and still body, the blood still pooling onto the carpet. A dark shade of maroon continued to seep out from his skull. “Sam?” He asks, lips quivering and his eyes full of fear, he looks back over to you, and you wail, “Henry, please don’t–”
He aims the pistol at his head, and you swore you saw before you blinked. There was no second thought, no going back or erasing. An avalanche now spent in white flag waking days. The loud pop, thud, and shriek follow in a sequence that will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life, a memory wielded as a weapon. Every good intention is overshadowed by the stain of the past. Death is a blindfolded, bitter kiss. It's the finger put against your lips, emphasizing how they should have lived.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED MOTEL SUITE, KANSAS CITY – DAY
You and Joel are outside, and the sound of shoveling dirt is a sound you’ve now grown to despise. The cold wind moves in only to meet the warmth of your blood, the only defense you have left. You feel it wash over your skin, again and again, only to be met by the beat of your aching heart. Fairness is a ghost, and its sightings take shape in such permanent truth. In the sullen silence, you were all taking turns shattering apart.
Ellie had gone back inside the motel room to get the rest of your things as you and Joel patted down the dirt, creating a small graveyard for the two brothers. If you could turn back the hourglass, you would. Reset every grain of sand, and give these two a proper chance at living the life they should have lived, you would. Your mind continues to spin webs of question marks and regrets as you stop your movements and stand there with instability. Ellie toses two backpacks on the ground, you watch her kneel on one knee and place the doodle pad on Sam’s grave, with ‘I’m Sorry’ written on it, the string of the pen is wrapped around the top and the pen is safely tucked in, making sure no one else will be able to write anything else.
Ellie stands up and asks Joel, “Which way’s west?” He only responds by tilting his head in the direction of it. She’s the first to walk away this time, a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury her innocence. You and Joel say nothing as you stare at the note, and hear her call for you both, “Let’s go.”
You both drop your shovels and grab your things, catching up to Ellie. Your steady true north fades, the three of you walking toward where the sun sleeps and casting your silhouettes as you do. Maybe there’s no answer here, at least neither one of you are ready to hear. No string of words will justify it or a simple equation to show you the solution and answer. In the meantime, you learn that you don’t have all the answers, just a little light to call your own, though sometimes it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows.
Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter
END NOTES:
I am a hundred percent sure this was the fastest chapter I’ve written and felt so much easier than Episode 4 ohMYGAHD
HOW ARE WE FEELING?? ARE YOU GUYS OKAY??? DRINK SOME WATER BREATHEEE
YAY YOU’RE IMMUNE CONGRATS AHHH *confetti canon*
Wait why r u not happy you’re immune- oh right, you don't know what's gonna happen to you now that you have that information and it doesn't add anything good— it just makes you feel bad lol that sucks (the sudden obliteration of expectation) cause you’ve been telling a narrative you’ve always known and it’s changed and you have no fricken clue what's next
DID I GO BACK AND FORTH WONDERING IF THE READER SHOULD BE IMMUNE: YEP, A LOT… IT KEPT ME UP TILL 4 AM AND I CHOSE THIS BCS tbh it makes sense (??) you’re already a hecking anomaly, might as well be immune too :> Also, I’d like to hope this decision helped the story progress further… I think
Did the science make sense?? I hope so, I researched a lot on quantum teleportation and its possibilities. In theory, yes it’s probable. If you can manage to send every information about the atoms in your body, then send it to a specific time and place, which would take a massive amount of energy and processing power to do, yes u can teleport hooray! I'm just gonna assume radiation plays a part in the energy aspect and then since fungal infections can’t withstand that amount of heat from the radiation and your body has adapted— yeah you get the rest. (You’re not glowing radiation, it's just your immune system can fight the fungi lol)
I know a lot of people are gonna be rolling their eyes and saying, “why am I immune, goSH, so cliCHE, Y/N? knOWS ASL TOO?? WHY AM I SO SPECIAL?? I want to get bitten and be useless and not connect with anY chAracters–” well pretty thing, you’re one of the main characters! Ofc you’re special, you freaking discovered how to get to the TLOU world, I can’t have you dying on me… yet… silly!
Joel is having internal conflict with literally with his feelings about Ellie and yOU <3 I hope I portrayed that properly and well enough. Lowkey needed to write the miscommunication part because that question of if you were just a replacement for Tess was brewing in the back of your mind. Joel being him can’t fully express his feelings properly, so you settle for the broken sentences he has to offer and piece together the shards to find clues of what he means. Later on, it will be easier for him but for now, you both take baby steps.
But God writing that part had so many revisions and played every single possible scenario in my head— constantly questioning if it was good enough. Like was the thing I was trying to do between the reader and Joel natural and seamless? Did this conflict get resolved at all? Did I do this too soon?? Idk I’m just trying my best and I’m a sucker for Joel giving in bit by bit T^T (i mean i didn't make them kiss yet so I'm assuming wasn’t so rUSHED)
This episode centered around Joel rethinking his relationship with Ellie and YOU hehe. But I did want to give Sam and Henry the spotlight they deserved as well. I tried my best to find the balance in all of this, I hope I didn’t disappoint anyone with this chapter :<<
oKAY INTO EPISODE 6 I GO, time to rewatch the pain again T^T
Chapter Four: An Orchestration of Dissonance And Innocent Surrender
Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?
Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Mention of catcalling, men being awful, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing
Word Count: 11.1k
A/N: HELLO UM! THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU AGAIN! UM AHHHH T^T I love you guys so much, thank you for all the kind words and comments. The reblogs and then PUTTING ME IN FIC RECS WHAT– O_O Thank you guys again so so so so so much! You deserve the world <3 And as always, I put my little outline and thoughts at the end notes! Mwa ilysm
Song: Bigger Than Love by Oh Wonder
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TLOU WORLD – 2023
OLD ABANDONED TRUCK STOP– DAY
You three are at an abandoned truck stop and fully aged, weathered vehicles surround the area. The sun shone on your skin as you waited for Ellie just outside the restroom door after she demanded privacy for a bit to relieve herself. You didn’t question the kid, it was the least you could do for her.
You’re secretly admiring Joel from a distance, and you watch Joel prepare the red large gas can, a clear long tube, and a siphon. Promptly, you hear the sound of the restroom door slamming open and you look at Ellie, “You good?” She nods cheerfully at you, “Yep. All good.” And then you both approach Joel, the gravel crunching beneath your feet as you did, and you slowly take notice that the asphalt has lifted from the ground strangely. You stop walking and quizzically stare at the lifted asphalt, your eyebrows knit together and you kneel down to take a better look at it, Ellie looks at you like you’ve gone insane, “Are you alright?” she asks you, and you keep your eyes focused on the ground, “Yeah, just… It’s hopefully nothing.” You say in response and push yourself upright, “Let’s go see what Joel is up to.”
Joel is currently kneeling on one knee and feeding both tubes in the tank, Ellie stands in front of him while you stand to the left of her, “We have to do this every hour?” she asked in a bored tone. Joel glances at her in acknowledgment then continues on with the siphon, “Gas breaks down over time. This stuff’s almost water.” He grabs a rag to create a seal around the tubes, “Back in the day, we’d drive 10, 12 hours on one tank. You could go anywhere.” He says as you and Ellie continue to watch him keenly, “So where’d you go?” she questioned, and he looks up at the both of you, “Pretty much nowhere.” Joel subsequently blows air into the short tube, which forces air through the short tube and increases the pressure of the air above the gas in the tank, causing it to flow through the longer tube and into the gas can. You lean your weight on one of the rusted cars and fold your arms in front of you.
“Nice! How does that work?” Ellie asks Joel and you tilt your head to the side to listen to his response, “It’s a siphon. It’s when liquid… travels against gravity because pressure…” Ellie’s lips are pressed together as she says, “You don’t know.” He stares at her before asserting, “I know it works.” She chuckles and you smirk at him, “Want me to explain it or…” He only mumbles, “Smartass,” and you roll your eyes, something truly possessed you to be bold for a moment, because you teasingly reply, “But you secretly like it.”
It earns you a look from him that causes your heartbeat to accelerate and it suddenly becomes a little harder to breathe, he only pulls away because he spots Ellie turning around to wander off, “No wanderin’.” He tells her seriously, she stops short and sighs, before saying, “Okay. This is your fault then.” She places her bag atop one of the abandoned, rusty cars, and pulls out a book with the title ‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston’, Joel watches her bewildered and perplexed as she reads out one of the puns from the book, “It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.” She gives a little laugh and you smile at her merriment as she shows Joel the book cover, “‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston.’ Volume Too. Look. You get it? ‘Too’ Like, T-O-O.” And Joel huffs and begins to stand up with a peeved look, “Oh Jesus.” But Ellie pushes on and says, “What did the mermaid wear to her math class?” You and Joel look at each other, then at Ellie, waiting for her to say the punch line, and you watch her as she slowly leans forward slowly before saying, “‘An algae bra.’ Like, algae bra.” She laughs out loud before speaking again, “I stayed up all night wondering–” To which Joel shakes his head at her, “No,” but this doesn’t deter her at all and goes on, “ where the sun went and then it dawned on me.”
Seemingly annoyed he gruffly says to her, “Feel free to wait in the truck,” and she exhales, “Okay, but just know, you can’t escape Will Livingston. He’ll be back.” Ellie puts her book in her pack and before leaving you both she says, “There’s nothing you can do to stop him.” Joel says nothing as he also leans on the old rusting car with his arms crossed, and Ellie goes to wait in the truck. You let the silence settle and give him a little bit of peace before calling out to him, “Joel.” He says nothing but he does bring his eyes to look at you. “You know it’s okay to like her. Right?” You said with the softest eyes and kind smile, and he just shakes his head, “I can’t.” You deeply exhale and push yourself off the hood of the car to stand in front of him, “You can’t or you won’t?” And he looks down at his boots, “Can’t.”
You didn’t want to put any more discomfort and decided to simply nod instead, “Okay.” He slowly brings his head up to give you a suspicious look, “Okay?” You nod, “Mhm, okay.” His eyes narrow, “That’s it? No tryin’ to change my mind?” You shrug in response, “I have a feeling you’ll do that on your own. Anyways, the gas can is full.” You raise your eyebrows, “Need any help carrying that thing?” He grumpily bends down to pick up the heavy gas can and his voice timber and low says, “I could carry you and this back to the truck if I wanted to.” You feel your brain short-circuits for a second, the warmth spreads throughout your whole body and your eyes widened in embarrassment, “Um, I’m just gonna… mhm.” And you turn to run to the truck. Joel lets out a breathy chuckle, smirking the whole time as he watches your figure run.
ON THE ROAD - NOON
The blue Chevy pulls out of the gas station and Joel has one hand on the steering wheel and his right rest on the console, while you are sitting next to him in the passenger seat, looking out at the window studying the environment, and Ellie is content in the backseat. You feel an unease settle in and create a home in your bones, not knowing what could happen terrifies you. Every possibility in your mind pops in and out, and you ponder which part of the video game did they keep or change.
“Must’ve been some truck.” Ellie says as she peers through the window glass at the back of the vehicle, Joel grunts in agreement and explains why the highways are so clear, “Yeah, they used to stick big ass plows on the back and clear the road for their tanks and such.” Ellie finds all of this very exciting and exclaims, “I wanna see a tank!” Joel looks at her from the rearview mirror and simply says, “You will.” Your eyes shift to look at Joel as he keeps talking with a wearied cynicism, “Tanks, choppers, all that stuff, but they’ll fight the wrong enemy. Just scattered around now.”
Ellie digs through the utility pocket behind the passenger seat to find another cassette tape, she raises up enthusiastic and eager, “I got something. Here. This make you all nostalgic?” She says as she pushes up to show Joel, he takes it and you peer over to look at the title cover, ‘Hank Williams, The Original Singles Collection’, Joel replies, “This is actually before my time.” And Ellie goes to sit back properly in the backseat, “Great.”
He hums appreciatively, “It’s a winner, though.” When he places the cassette tape in the player, the rattling sound of plastic can be heard before the music begins and he cranks up the volume. Joel miraculously smiles as he listens to the song, “Oh, man.” And you raise an eyebrow at him, “Of course, you’d like this, it’s cowboy music.” You said and he lets out a small but beautiful chuckle, which causes your body to heat up. The young girl continues to explore the back of the truck, digging through the other utility pocket, you hear a quiet rustling of paper as she whips out a magazine, “Got something else.”
Joel looks at the rearview mirror again to look at Ellie, while you turn to look at what she has and your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets, and so does hers. “It’s light on the reading, but it has some interesting pictures.” Your shoulders begin to shake as you try and hold in your laugh as Joel seemingly panics, “No. No, no, no. Put that back, that’s not for kids.” Ellie doesn’t listen and continues to flip through the pages, “How would he even walk around with that thing?” God, you tried to hold it in but couldn’t anymore, you’re now full-on grinning and laughing so loud and carefree, while Joel is trying his best to get Ellie to cooperate, “Please get rid of it.”
“Hold your horses. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.” Ellie says as she analyzes the magazine, while you’re practically wheezing and happy that they incorporated this part of the video game. Joel practically gives up but Ellie decides to innocently say, “Why are all these pages stuck together?” Joel has a baffled look on his face as he lets out an, “Uh… The…” Your mouth hangs wide open for a moment and you curl your hand into a fist, bringing it to your mouth to bite back from cackling again. Ellie puts him out of his misery and slaps him on the shoulder, “I’m just fucking with you.” And throws the adult magazine out the window, it flutters out into the wind and onto the side of the road, yelling out, “Bye-bye, dude!”
You smile and think to yourself, joy itself always seems to end before we want it to. Brief and ephemeral. So, this time, you decide to let go and in this moment you can breathe. It lives in your periphery. In the corner of your eyes. Suddenly, it shows up and the surprise adds to its beauty. A gratitude for all that follows
ON THE ROAD AND TO THE FOREST - CIVIL TWILIGHT
Time moves quickly as Joel continues to drive and Ellie silently watches the view from the window. You take note of the cows grazing on grass, the cars that were left to rot, and the familiar landmarks crumbling down as mother intended to take back what was hers. They must have cried themselves a hurricane because there was an earthquake and an avalanche of change. The echo, as vast as the equator, spreads across a world of bottled-up anger, and it's too late to prevent it now.
As the hours pass by and the sun slowly begins to set, you check on Ellie from the rearview, she looks fatigued from all the driving and so do you, it’s been a while since your last road trip, and you barely had time for yourself since you were stuck in the lab all day and night. Joel sees your weary eyes and frown, he also sees a similar look to Ellie, and he decides to tell you both, “All right. That’s enough for today.” He places both of his hands to turn the wheel to the right, driving off the road and into the field, straight into a thick forest filled with tall evergreen trees.
The truck comes to a stop and you all prepare to camp out for the night. You help Joel cook and prepare dinner and Ellie keeps herself occupied as she pokes around the dirt with a stick. The smell of canned ravioli fills your lungs and your mouth begins to water. Joel taps the edge of the pot, indicating that it’s cooked and you call for Ellie to sit down for dinner. The three of you sit down in a semi-circle, with you in the middle, and Joel and Ellie on each side. You gently blow on the hot ravioli before bringing the food into your mouth, chewing quietly, and amusingly watch Ellie scarf down her food quickly. Joel looks at her kind of bothered by her manners, “Slow down.” He said, and she replies with a mouthful of food, “This is slow. What am I even eating?” Joel cuts hit food using his fork and knife and answers, “That is 20-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli.” Ellie brings another piece of pasta and answers while chewing, “That guy was good.” Joel hums in agreement, “I actually agree.” And you nod appreciatively as you finish your food.
“How long are we staying out here?” Ellie asks Joel and you look to him for his response, “I figure I’d sleep tonight and drive tomorrow all day, all night get us to Wyoming by next morning.” Ellie plays with her food as she asks, “So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.” Joel gives a pointed stare, “Now why am I gonna tell you no?” She shrugs and guesses, “Because the infected will see the smoke.” He shakes his head at her, “No. Fungus isn’t that smart. This is too remote for infected, anyway.” The answer dawns on Ellie and asks, “People?” And Joel nods, his answer to her question. She continues to press for more information, “So what are they gonna do? Rob us?” And you frown, knowing exactly what people do during war or a crisis, morals are thrown out the window and everyone can do as they please. Every crime, assault, and misdemeanor is seen as means to an end, which is to take and survive. Your knuckles turn white as you grip your fork, angry at the world and the people who choose to do all forms of wrong. Joel warns her, “Well, they’ll have way more in mind than that.” Ellie nods while pouting, “Okay.”
LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – NIGHT
Your eyes are well-versed in the dark and the mind was then created to illumine the heart. And when every constellation suddenly emerged, the remote was drawn so close by telescopes and computations. You inhale, exhale, and reset. Realizing, every living creature is in a continual state of uncertainty. Even with all of your past, you’ve just scratched the surface of what it all implies. Ellie prepares her sleeping bag and so do you, placing yours in between hers and Joel’s. “Actually smells kinda good.” Ellie said as she continues to unfold the sleeping bag, you hear Joel comment, “Well, that would be Frank’s then.” She tucks herself in and you help her as you do, lightly patting the blanket as she settles comfortably. You do the same and now you’re flat on your back as you gaze at the stars illuminating the darkness and listen to the quiet rustling of the branches and leaves of the trees, the melodies sung by the chirping of crickets. Joel checks the chamber of the rifle and ensures that it’s loaded and ready just in case of an ambush, then he places it next to him. You hear Ellie take something out of her backpack and you had a sneaking suspicion it was the No Pun Intended book. The light of the lantern slowly fades away and the shadows follow the rules and the darkness expands around all of you.
Joel is facing away from the both of you and Ellie whips out her flashlight and quickly glances at her favorite book, clicks off the light, and aloud she calls out both of your names, you look at her but Joel doesn’t respond at first, you slide out a little to lean a bit forward to his side and tap him on the shoulder, “What?” he asks, and Ellie responds, “Can I ask you a serious question?” And without hesitation, he says, “Yeah.” You smile knowingly at what was about to happen as she questions, “Why did the scarecrow get an award?” A beat passes between the three of you, and you and Joel whisper simultaneously, “Because he was outstanding in his field.” Ellie rises from her sleeping bag and exclaims, “You dicks!”
A large grin spreads across your face and Joel turns around to face the other direction, Ellie begins to interrogate the two of you, “Did both of you read this?” You hear the smile in Joel’s voice as he answers, “No.” And you give an airy chuckle, “Nope.” He sighs and then tells you both, “Now go to sleep.” Ellie makes a noise of suspicion but says nothing as she tucks the book into her sleeping pouch, the hoot of an owl can be heard from above, and the howls of coyotes from a distance.
Ellie is also gazing up at the stars with you now and begins to appreciate the way they glow and shimmer. You move your head to look at Ellie and whisper, “Psst. Ellie…” She turns her head to your side, “Yeah?” And in a hushed tone, you ask, “Do you wanna learn something about constellations?” She nods enthusiastically, “Yeah!” And you begin to whisper the explanation and details, you point and trace your fingers at the stars, your rickety astrology determined to give her hope, “Orion's belt is right above the equator of the Earth. Everyone, and everywhere can see just stars in that area. A star placed above one of the poles, such as the North Star, and concealed from us in the opposing hemisphere, obstructed by Earth itself.”
She is looking at you with her eyes as big as summer tomatoes, full of admiration and awe at your intelligence like you have all the answers, and wonders if she will ever be a woman like you. She seeks an answer to her next question, “Is Orion like a place?” You smile and in a soft voice you say, “No, he’s someone from greek mythology. In the stores, he was a giant and very handsome hunter, who had many affairs and lovers. Either his assault on or admiration for a goddess named Artemis, another god named Zeus placed him amongst the stars as punishment. Stories and text sometimes get lost in translation.”
This is when she learned to wish on stars, content she hums an appreciative thank you and you give a small smile in return. After another beat passes, Ellie poses a new question, this time aimed at Joel, who had been listening to the two of you the whole time but stayed quiet, “Those people you said… there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? No one’s gonna find us.”
Her words hang in the air briefly, “No one’s gonna find us.” Joel reassures her and Ellie responds with a quiet, “Okay.” She turns in for the night and begins to fall asleep. There is a sudden weight on your chest when she asked her query, and you suddenly feel nauseous at the thought of anything happening to Ellie and Joel. You close your eyes and swallow away the urge to vomit, and with the darkness, you’ve seen, your tired eyes rest and allow yourself to sleep for a while. But if you had stayed up just a little longer, you would have heard Joel leave his sleeping bag and reach for his rifle, and his footsteps walking a distance away from you and Ellie, ensuring your safety as he watches and anticipates any sign of danger, his guilt for scaring the girl keeps him up all night and the thought of you getting hurt. He holds his rifle ready, protecting the two of you who quietly snore into the night.
LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – DAWN
The sound of chirping birds wakes you and you groggily sit up. You look to your left to see Ellie who was still sound asleep, and then you see Joel standing watch with his rifle, you have a suspicion he didn’t actually sleep and Ellie’s concern kept him up. You sigh and quietly leave your sleeping bag, down your arms, a thousand satellites discover the cool breeze in the air, causing you to shiver and wrap your arms around yourself to salvage some warmth. You stretch your arms up to the sky, trying to wake your body to begin the day, then you hear the lime-green grass rustle and shake, creating whispers of sound beneath Joel’s boots as he walks toward you, glancing over your shoulder before turning to face him.
You feel his confident presence and your heart skips a beat, he greets you with his voice thick and smooth, “Mornin’.” You warmly say good morning to him in a hushed voice, you take a good look at him to see his deep eyebags, completely exhausted, and you ask, “Did you even sleep at all?” He doesn’t deny it as he shook his head, “No, I couldn’t.” You hum in response, already confirming what you thought, next, you inquire, “Do we have any coffee that I could brew? I have a feeling we’re going to need it.”
“Did you not sleep well last night? Could hear you snorin’ from where I was standing.” Joel said with his tone straightforward and deep, you shrug, “Sometimes I wake up tired, and besides, I enjoy a good cup of coffee to start my day, it’s my morning ritual back home.” You make your way to the pouch of coffee grounds, open it, and inhale the aroma, and Joel observes you as you do.
You begin to brew both of your coffee, making enough to fit two insulated tumblers. You make your way into the forest, already telling Joel you needed to pee, and him reminding you in his thick Texan accent, “If you don’t get your ass back here in five minutes, I’m comin' to look for you.” After finding a bush and relieving yourself, you stand by one of the tall thick trees, leaning your weight against the trunk of the tree and crossing your arms as you watch Ellie and Joel from a distance.
You close your eyes for a moment to steady yourself and your breathing, trying to recall parts of the game you’ve seen, a little peek at what could be adapted. Unfortunately, you knew the ending of the first and second games, and you knew there was nothing you could do for the first, but the second one however…
Joel yells your name, telling you to come back already and you jog your way back, not wanting to make them wait. No one says anything as you pack up camp and hop in the truck, this time letting Ellie sit in the passenger seat while you sit in the back. The engine of the truck revs to life and Joel drives you out of the woods and back onto the highway.
Joel takes a loud sip of his coffee while you are still blowing away the steam, Ellie doesn’t seem to be impressed with the drink as she comments, “Is that seriously what those Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” With one hand on the steering wheel, he lowers his thermos and retorts, “Well, theirs was a lot fresher than Bill saved up but, yeah, this is what they sold.” The young girl looks at it in disgust, “Smells like… burnt shit.” Joel wanting to be slightly petty, takes a long, loud, pointed sip of his coffee, before turning to Ellie saying, “Eyes on the map, or else I’m askin’ you to switch seats with Birdie.”
Your heart flutters at the nickname but you hide your smile by sipping your own coffee, looking out the window as you do. Ellie smirks knowingly at Joel but doesn’t push any further, she begins to give directions, “76 West, and then… 70 West for, like, ever. Where in Wyoming did you say your brother was?” And to your surprise, Joel indulges her, “Last contact came through a radio tower close to Cody.” Ellie straightens the map to find the tower, “Cody. Cody… Cody. Man. That is deep up in there.” Joel glances then reply, “Yeah.” The young curious kid asks him, “And if he’s not there?” He thoughtfully sighs, “Then odds are he’ll be near a settlement probably close to another city out there. Ain’t too many of them in Wyoming.”
“Chee-Yen.” Ellie tries to pronounce it, and Joel corrects her, “Cheyenne.” She looks at him in disbelief, “Che… Really?” He nods as she goes on to trace her finger along the map, “Cheyenne, Laramie… Casper? What’s his name?” Joel then asks, “Whose name?” She throws back, “Your brother.” He grunts out, “Tommy.” You smile to yourself, knowing that tone of voice is him trying to build invisible walls around himself to protect whatever he has left of his family. “Younger or older?” Ellie persists, and he answers immediately, “Younger.”
“Why isn’t he with you?” She asked and you watch Joel try to evade her inquiry, “Long story.” Ellie never knowing when to give up, persists, “Is it longer than twenty-five hours? Because I think that’s what we got.” Joel looks at Ellie with a pointed stare, mouth slightly open ready to scold her but realizes she has a point. He glances at the rearview to see you looking back at him, waiting for his choice.
His eyes go back to the road as he speaks, “Tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. Dreams of becoming a hero. So he enlisted in the Army right out of high school. A few months later, they ship him off to Desert Storm.”
Ellie turns to him quizzically but stays silent as he carries on, “It’s what they called that war. It doesn’t matter. Point is, being in the Army didn’t make him feel much of a hero. Cut to twelve years later, outbreak happens. He convinces me to join a group making their way up to Boston which I did, mostly to keep an eye on him, keep him alive.” He glances at the rearview mirror again and this time you aren’t staring back, you’re resting your head on the window, listening intently, “It’s where we met Tess.”
He takes a swig of his coffee before continuing, “And that whole crew, we… Well, for what it was, it worked. And then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him into joining the Fireflies. Same mistake he made when he was eighteen.” Joel shakes his head in disapproval and his tone shifts into cynicism, “Wants to save the world. Pipe dream. Him, Fireflies, all of them… delusional.”
You blink blankly and frown, not agreeing with his view but understanding where he’s coming from. His world ended when Sarah died, and since she’s gone he has no reason to go back to the way things were.
“‘Course, last I heard, he quit the Fireflies too. So now he’s on his own out there and… I gotta go get him.” He states and takes a long sip of the rest of his coffee, while Ellie tries to make sense of his story, another question pops into her mind as she quietly asks him, “If you don’t think there’s hope for the world why bother going on? I mean, you gotta try, right?” A beat passes, and then he answers grimly, “You haven’t seen the world, so you don’t know. You keep going for family. That’s about it.”
Ellie moves her eyes to look at him, “I’m not family?” And he shakes his head, “No. You’re cargo.” Your form shrinks a little bit and think to yourself, and you secretly figure that Joel doesn’t mean that, but doesn’t want her treating him like a father yet.
You quietly exhale and will yourself to stop bouncing your leg up and down, grounding yourself. “And I made a promise to Tess. And she was like family.” Ellie nods before bringing up more possibilities, “What if you don’t find him?” It doesn’t take him long to reply, “I will.” She shoots back, “How do you know?” With a voice so sure and confident, he says, “I’m persistent.”
And you swore you saw him glance at you from the rearview mirror for a millisecond, but you weren’t so sure, you chalked it up to your wishful thinking. It was quiet for a bit before Joel speaks to Ellie, “You got up pretty early. If you wanna grab more sleep…” Ellie immediately replies, “Pfft. I’m not even tired.”
Ellie was in fact tired, after ten minutes of saying that, she fell into a deep sleep, and her snores echoed in the car. After two or three hours Joel pulls over at the side of the road, telling you to switch seats with Ellie since he needs help reading the map. You decided not to question it and got out of the truck as he did the same. You watched him quietly open the door, and carry Ellie from the passenger side to the back seat where he gently set her.
You climb into the passenger seat and wait for Joel to sit in the driver’s seat. The map was now on your lap and you gently traced the piece of paper, lines stretching out, with too many miles to count. Dots reminds you of where you’ve been, sometimes it feels like your inner compass breaks, and your steady true north fades. You try and reassure yourself it’ll be just fine, that whatever comes next, you’ll handle it together.
Joel quietly speaks your name so as to not disturb Ellie, you look up at him from the map, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the armrest console, “Tell me somethin’ good about your world.” He grumbles, and you stagger a bit before saying, “You actually believe what I said back then? You believe me?”
He shrugs with one shoulder and taps on the steering wheel, “There’s a fuckin’ apocalypse. My guess is that anythin’ could be possible now.” You lightly chuckle, “Yeah, I guess so.”
You stayed silent for a moment, trying to come up with an answer, any kind of answer, and you settle for the truth, “I don’t know. Besides the fact, we have no infected and our technology is more advanced, everything is still the same. Same landmarks, problems, the people hate the government but still need it, choosing the lesser of two evils and everyday people trying their damn best.”
He gruffly says to you, “Would prefer that over this shit.” You let out a huff, “Yeah, that’s valid.”
“Tell me about your home.” He says, and you raise an eyebrow, “Are you asking or demanding? Also, why are you suddenly so curious about me?” He’s unsure for a moment but he answers, “You already know stuff about me. It’s only fair.” Your lips form a line as you press them against each other, and your eyes shift to look at the map instead of him, “I thought you didn’t want to hear about any of our histories?”
“I think we broke that rule the moment Ellie kept askin’ about my life.” Your eyes wrinkle as you smile, “There isn’t much to say, and also I don’t really like talking about myself.” He harrumphs, “Why? You’re a scientist and incredibly smart.” You bring your eyes back to him and give him a look of disbelief, “Did you just say something nice?” His face sours and grumpily murmurs, “Don’t tell anyone.”
“Oh, I’m definitely telling Ellie later,” You smile teasingly at him, and he shakes his head, “So, what did you research, discover, or whatever?” And that question causes you to inhale through your nose deeply, “Um, in 2022 three scientists were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. Basically, they got awarded for their research and I took an interest in what they found. I had a theory with what they discovered with quantum teleportation.”
Joel didn’t really understand the science jargon that was spitting out of your mouth so fast like lightning, but he was intrigued, “What was your theory?” You nervously removed the dirt from your fingernails as you replied, “It’s a little complicated.” He retorts, “I’m beginning to think that’s your favorite line.” You bite the inner walls of your cheek and exhale loudly through your nose. Joel senses you didn’t want to discuss it any further and the quiet returns. Only the muffled rumbling of the engine and the sound of the tires rolling on the pavement. The only occasional noise from the two of you was asking for directions from Joel and you giving him a prompt reply.
The hours go by quickly and the sun is beginning to set, the orange glow illuminating both of your faces. The truck begins to pull up to the outskirts of Kansas City and you silently pray that this will all go smoothly.
TLOU WORLD – 2023
KANSAS CITY - SUNSET
Ellie awakens shortly after you pull up to the tunnel and Joel slowly presses on the brakes to put the truck to stop. Joel turns off the engine and turns to you both before opening the door, “Stay put.” He grabs the rifle from the back and proceeds to scout the area. Ellie kindly asks to switch with you again and for a moment you almost decline, your gut feeling telling you something is wrong, but couldn’t resist the kid and again move to the back while she moves upfront.
Joel sees the tunnel to Kansas City is blocked by a SaraLee bread truck and you watch him make his way back to the truck. He opens the back door and places the rifle beside you and goes back to the driver's seat. “Where are we?” Ellie asks and he quickly replies, “Kansas City.” Ellie gives him the map and you lean over Joel’s shoulder to analyze the map, “How far back do we have to go to get around this?” The young girl questions and you watch Joel trace his finger along the many red lines. He shakes his head and sighs in frustration before deciding, “Screw it.” And he turns the key to start the truck up again. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks and Joel answers as he performs a three-point turn, “We can jog right around this tunnel take the next ramp and we’re back on the road, minute tops.” You look out the window and see the rusting cars and burned corpses of people, shuddering, you try and remember a portion of the game for some clue of what was about to happen. You weren’t in Pittsburgh, but the way this was adapted would still have the very important elements of the original intellectual property. Fuck.
Joel enters the city and it’s eerily quiet, you take note of the empty streets and zero signs of runners. “Where the fuck is the highway?” Joel states frustrated and Ellie retorts, “I can’t tell from this. I’m all turned around.” You hear him get irritated, “Don’t look at the state map. Look at the inset.”
“I don’t know where we are in that either! It’s my second day in a fucking car, man. I mean, I think we’re heading north?” Joel continues to drive and you keenly observe your surroundings and see something unusual, you spot a pile of ash and remains of people as he drives by. “It’s gotta be right. What the fuck?” He says and you try and voice your concerns, “Joel, there’s um,” but he quickly fires back, “Not now Birdie.” And you deflate a little but keep trying, “Joel, something is–” But Ellie yells out, “Stop!” The tires shriek as he steps on the breaks, and Ellie stares at something wide-eyed and you do too, “Is that the QZ?” The gates were wide open without a single FEDRA officer in sight and completely vacated, your mouth hangs open, “Shit.” Ellie presses on, “Where the fuck is FEDRA?” As if on queue, you hear someone yell, “Hey!” All three of your heads whip to the sound of the man’s voice, he’s clutching his lower abdomen and yelling out, “Please help!”
“Put your seatbelt on,” Joel demands and you and Ellie follow, you clutch on the assist grips above the car, knowing this isn’t gonna go well. “Aren’t we gonna help him?” Ellie asks innocently, “No.” You and Joel answer quickly, he floors it and the man moves out of the way screaming, “Fuck! Go… go!”
Ellie looks above and shrieks, “Joel!” And a cylinder brick falls from the sky, crashing atop the windshield glass, cracks, and fractures are created and you hear the tires pop, and you assume they’ve laid down spikes. You gritted your teeth as Joel tries to get control of the truck, and another man tries to shoot you all down, “Fuck!” Having no other options, he crashes the truck into an old laundromat, and the impact causes you to jerk forward, hitting your head slightly in the seat in front of you.
“Are you okay?” Joel worriedly questions, “Yeah.” Ellie replies and he turns to see you slightly bleeding from your head, “Hummin’ bird, you okay?” And you quickly compose yourself, “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.” He then asks Ellie, “You’re not hurt? Nothing?” She shakes her head, “I don’t think so.”
The sound of gunfire cause the three of you to flinch and duck down for cover, Joel yells and commands, “Belts off. Fast!” And what he says goes, immediately you grab your pack and rifle from the backseat, the loud popping sounds of gunfire continue as you get out, and duck behind the truck. You toss Joel his rifle and you pull out your gun, you hear the taunts on the other side, “Let’s see you, motherfucker! Give us your shit, you’ll make it through this! We promise!”
Joel pulls off his safety and makes sure his rifle is loaded, he spots a hole in the walls of the laundromat and asks Ellie, “Hey, you see that hole? Can you squeeze through?” The gunfire doesn’t let up and she shakily nods, Joel realizes that time is running out before the enemy decides to push forward, he instructs Ellie while looking at her directly, “When I say go, you both crawl to that wall and you two squeeze through and you don’t come out until I say, okay?” You try and protest but the sound of another bullet swiftly breaks the class of the truck and all three of you flinch.
Your breathing quickens and you feel the adrenaline coursing through you, while Joel’s chest bounces up and down as he pants, “And they’re not gonna hit you.” But Ellie isn’t listening, too scared and afraid of all the chaos ensuing, Joel growls, “Look at me!” She twists her head and her wide doe eyes look at him, frightened and unsure, he reassures her, “They’re not gonna hit you. You stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet.” Ellie nods reluctantly, “Mhm.” A pause during the gunfire, and you realize they’re reloading. “Okay.” He says and Ellie parrots to him, “Okay.” Joel takes that as his signal and yells to you both, “Go!” Ellie stays low and crawls through the wall, safe and secure for now. You however help Joel and shoot at the enemies. He yells your name, “What the fuck are you doing? I can handle this now go!” You shake your head and exclaim, “No! I can help you.”
He pulls you down, both of you crouching on the ground and cups one hand to hold your face, “Right now that kid is scared shitless and shouldn’t be alone.” You try again to object, but he stops you, “No, listen to me. Go through that hole and be with Ellie, she needs you.” You feel your eyes water and give him a sincere look, your voice breathy as you reply, “We both do.” His mouth parts and his eyes dart to your soft lips for just a second, so fast you almost missed it if your faces weren’t so close to each other, and at that moment your heartbeats were synchronized, and both of your breathing unsteady. Warmth fills you both and causes both of your eyes to dilate, similar to an eclipse.
Another gunshot rings out and it hits the cement on the ground, causing you to jump, Joel wipes away some of the dust on your cheek and intently says to you, “I’ve got this. I promise, now go.”
You blink back your tears and whisper, “Give 'em hell.” He stands up again to cover you while you crawl into the hole, to be with Ellie. Both of you have your back against the wall, and you try and steady your racing heartbeat.
“What about Joel?” She asks you, full of worry and concern. Instead of answering, you hug her close to you, and she buries her face on your stomach, as you try and shield her away from the noise and gunfire. Then there is a sudden silence, and you and Ellie take a peek from the hole in the wall, the sound of footsteps stepping over broke glass fills the space and you have your gun ready in one hand just in case and shield Ellie with your body.
He steps a bit closer to your hiding place and instantly there was a gunshot, you and Ellie turn away as you also held back a scream. Stillness fills the room and you try your best to listen for Joel to tell you to come out, only hearing him try and unjam his rifle. Then, the sudden slam of a door opening, and another loud pop could be heard. You hear grunts, groans, and yelling from the intruder and Joel, and Ellie urgently whispers, “We need to help him!”
You nod, and Ellie swiftly sidesteps you and climbs out of the hiding space and you go after her. You and her quietly step out and to your surprise, she’s holding her gun out, aiming directly at the unidentified man’s head, before you could even utter a word or try and stop her, she shoots him in the spine. Joel rolls over to the side coughing and wheezing as he tries to catch his breath. You gently approach Joel as he side-eyes Ellie but continues to cough, you begin first aid, loosen any tight clothing, remove the top button of his outer shirt and place your hand on his back to try and feel his lungs, and hear Ellie step a little closer to the man, her gun still aimed at him.
The man begins to plead, “No, no, no! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over, we’re not fighting anymore.” Ellie doesn’t say anything and still has the gun pointed at him, “I’m gonna go home. I’ll tell everyone you’re good.” His face scrunches up and he begins to cry, “I don’t know what to do. My legs don’t work. My mom isn’t far if you can get me to her.”
Joel’s breathing returns to normal and you whisper, “You good?” And he only nods, angry and upset that he got caught off guard so easily. You help him up and hear the man still begging for his life, “We could trade with you guys. We could be friends. I didn’t know. I’m Bryan. I’m Bryan. What’s your name?” He continues to sob.
Joel looks at Ellie angrily, and she sniffs. He doesn’t say anything but holds out his hand and she hands him her gun which he places in his back pocket. Joel pulls out his revolver, slowly turns around, and Bryan continues to beg, “Wait… wait.” He pulls out a knife and says, “You can have it. It’s a good knife.” You stand next to Ellie and watch Joel lean down and pick up the knife. His eyes are dark with rage as he looks at you and Ellie, his voice deep and dominant that fills a warmth in your belly, “Get back behind the wall.”
Bryan instantly sobs, “No, no, no. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, we could just talk. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You slowly grab Ellie to gently coax her away, and she follows, Bryan screams for his life as you step back inside the hole. Ellie hugs your middle as she lets a single tear roll down her cheek, and you hug her right back, covering her ears from his yelling and pleading. You hear the slashing of a knife and the sound of blood splattering.
You try and calm Ellie and stroke her hair as you murmur reassuringly, “We’ll be just fine.” It was quiet for a second before you hear Joel’s booming voice calling you and Ellie, “I gotta get in there, I can’t fit through.” You wipe away her tears and gently pat her cheek, “We got this, yeah?” Ellie nods, “Mhm.”
You and her take a look around the room and Ellie yells out, “There’s some stuff against the door.” Joel is quick to reply, “Can you both move it?” You and Ellie nod at each other and work together to pull the table aside while Joel uses his arm to push the door open. He manages to get in and slams the door shut, “Let’s go. Fast.” He states and all three of you push the table back in its place. Joel looks at the both of you with concern, but Ellie quickly gets her bag and says, “I’m okay. I’m good.” You say nothing and also reach for your bag, quickly grabbing a bandaid from your first aid kit and then throwing it over your shoulder. Ellie approaches Joel and opens her pack, “I got some food in here still, and I got your light still.” He grabs it from her while you are on the side quietly and swiftly, placing a bandaid on your head, no time to disinfect it yet.
“What now?” Ellie asks, trying to be brave, and Joel observes her for a moment before saying, “We go up.” And she throws her back over her shoulders, “To get a better look?” You follow them both to a door and Joel responds, “Hopefully, we spot a clear route out.” He pushes the door open and clicks on the flashlight to check if it's safe, the only sound you could hear was the dripping of water from a leaky pipe, he turns to you both and says, “Stay close.” Ellie nods, “Got it.” Joel moves forward and Ellie and you follow him to a narrow alleyway. He has his revolver in one hand and you also have your gun out.
You three duck behind a rusted car, and you hear and spot multiple vehicles driving by. They were all armed, carrying various weapons and knives. Joel signals you two to wait and walks across to open a black door, he flicks on the flashlight and with one look, signals both of you to run across the street and into the next building.
You take cover and hide in a neglected bar, with newspapers covering the large windows. Joel peeks through the uncovered patches and watches the hunters pass by, searching different buildings. “They’re not FEDRA, and they’re not Fireflies. So who are they?” Ellie asks and Joel plainly states, “People.” You and Ellie are also looking through the small patches, she quietly asks, “Are we okay in here?”
“For a little bit, maybe. Looks like they’re checking apartment buildings first. But they’ll be coming through these places soon enough.” Joel says and walks away to stand away from the windows. And you decide to sit, choosing the floor by the door of the old bar, and tend to the wound on your head. Ellie is still looking through the small patches of glass, “There’s a really tall building, like, four blocks away.” Joel’s voice is rough as he replies, “Yeah, saw it.”
“So that’s the one?” Ellie questions him, and he immediately answers, “As soon as we don’t hear a truck, we move. Fast as we can.” Joel slowly sits down on the cushion and eyes you as you busy yourself disinfecting and cleaning up the blood on your head. Ellie sits down next to you, her knees close to her chest, and by now you’re done cleaning your wound and placing a new bandage on your head. Joel has his hand on his head, his face was expressionless and exhausted. Ellie asks you and him the same question, “Are you okay?” You nod and Joel replies with, “I’m all right.” He struggles with the debrief but he gets the question out to Ellie, “Are you all right?” And she simply replies with, “Yeah.”
You watch Joel struggle to find the words to express his emotions and feelings, his reserved nature is slowly crumbling, brick by brick. He shakes his head, “Thing is, is I didn’t hear that guy coming, and… You shouldn’t have to… You know.” Ellie brings her eyes to look at him, “Well, you’re glad I did, right?” She said. His voice falters, “You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to… It’s not like you killed him. But… shooting or… I know what it’s like the first time that you hurt someone like that.” The young girl says nothing and simply stares at him in silence. He tries again, “If you… I’m not good at this.”
“Yeah, you really aren’t.” Ellie says, and if it wasn’t so somber, if you were safely at home watching this, you would have laughed. You wonder if you should say something, but eventually figured that you needed to let them both bond and understand each other, it’s important to their story. While you believed your presence here was an accident. You push aside your feelings and stress to let them talk it out.
“I mean it was my fault. You shouldn’t have had to… and I’m sorry.” Joel sighs and looks away at Ellie, and begins to cry silently with her face turning red, you let her lean her head on your shoulder and it’s quiet. She goes to speak but her throat closes up, “It wasn’t my first time.” Joel looks at her after that to see her pure raw honesty.
Joel plays the idea in his head for a moment before coming to a decision, he reaches into his back pocket for the handgun he took from Ellie earlier, unloads the magazine, and removes the shell of the previous bullet from the chamber. The girl's head lifts from your shoulder as Joel kneels down on one knee in front of her, handing her the gun back, “Show me your grip.” Ellie does as she’s told and you watch Joel teach her the proper way to hold a firearm, “Finger off the trigger.” She holds it with one hand and Joel is unimpressed, “Now, who taught you that?” She mumbles in reply, “FEDRA school.” He nods his head, “Figures.”
Joel teaches her how to hold the gun with two hands, “Your thumb over your thumb. Left hand, squeezes down on the right. You got it?” She nods, her thumbs interlocked, which makes it harder to drop the gun when it recoils or if someone were to try and grab it. Joel holds both of her tiny hands in his calloused rough ones, “There you go. Look it.” He shakes it and the gun doesn’t budge, completely steady. She giggles as he tries again and you smile, Joel then says, “Okay?” While Ellie nods, seemingly happy, he gestures to her to give him the gun and he loads the magazine back in the gun and then hands it back to her.
Ellie takes it and as she is about to place it in her back pocket, Joel stops her, “Nuh-uh. You put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.” He groans a little as he stands up again and you give Ellie a high-five and she laughs again. Joel walks to your side and this time it’s your turn, he kneels in front of you and you’re wide-eyed. He gently brushes away some of your hair and checks on your wound, you feel his fingertips graze along the plaster of your band-aid. Lightly, you touch his wrist and say, “I’m fine. Promise.”
None of you move for a bit, but then he slowly pulls away and stands to remove the wooden planks boarded up on the door, you also get up to help him. He holds on to the door handle and sighs, “We’ll get through this.” Ellie blinks once and then nods, “I know.” A beat passes and he pulls open the door, you and Ellie following him out into the setting sun of the city.
OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT
The midnight blue covers the sky, the stars shine above you, and see the moon glimmer. You three find the side of the building but find the service door to be locked. You look above and point out a vent, Joel nods and turns to Ellie. Taking notice that Joel is this close to passing out on the ground after all the events that have happened, staying up all night to protect the both of you, driving for almost thirteen hours to get to Kansas City, and shooting a bunch of hunters. You offer to boost Ellie up to reach the vent, “Here, put your foot on my hand and then… One, two…”
“Oh shit.” She curses and you reassure her, “It’s okay, I got you.” And she manages to push open the vent and climb inside, “Okay I’m in.” And Joel decides to give out instructions, “Take a look around first. Ellie.” But she doesn’t reply, he harshly whispers, “Goddamn it.” And you say to Joel, “Just give her a second.” And a moment later, Ellie swings the door wide open, “Where would you be without me, huh?” Joel frowns, “By now, Wyoming.” You smack his shoulder, which does absolutely nothing. He glances at you and you stare back, he then walks forward into the building as Ellie takes it in stride. “Oh, yeah. Walked into that one.” The door slams closed behind you three and you take out your own flashlight to click it open.
All three of your footsteps echo around the building, while lights from your flashlights moved about the space. A minute later you see the door to a staircase that leads to the rooftop, you all walk over to it and Joel says, “All right, we’ll make our way up, and come morning, I’ll take a look at the city and find our way out.” He pushes the door open, and it squeaks as he does, shining the light in one hand and his revolver in the other, checking the dark area to make sure there’s no threat.
He walks straight while you and Ellie trail along, “We’re going up forty-two flights?” She groans, and Joel adds, “Forty-five.” The door behind you closes and you shine your flashlight to the ceiling, looking at the seemingly never-ending staircase. “But no. Not all the way.” He says, and Ellie asks, “How far?” Joel takes a breath, “As far as I can make it.” You and Ellie giggle at him and follow right behind the grump, footsteps sounding on the concrete steps of the building as you make your way up each floor.
After twenty flights of stairs, Joel is gripping the hand railing, slightly winded already, you are trying to manage your breathing with all the cardio, while Ellie is only lightly panting, she takes an opportunity to ask a question, “Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt? How did you know it was an ambush?” Joel stops before the next landing and catches his breath, “I’ve been on both sides. It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.”
“You and Tess?” She asked, and he nods, “And the people we were with. My brother too.” He looks up to check how many more to go, while Ellie can’t help herself, “Did you kill innocent people?” He turns to look at her with an unreadable expression, but doesn’t answer her question, “Come on.” But already you both already knew the answer, and still followed him anyways.
It’s a few minutes later and Joel pushes the fire exit door open and holds it out for you and Ellie to walk through. “Holy shit.” Ellie curses and Joel leans on the wall, “Yeah.” And slides down the wall completely exhausted. You are soaked with sweat and trying to catch your breath, using one hand to lean on the door as it closes by itself. “Thirty-three floors. That’s good.” The young girl comments, and you hear Joel wheeze, “It’s gonna have to be.”
Ellie makes her way over to him and kicks his boot, “Come on.” And holds out her small hand, Joel groans, “Give me a minute.” But Ellie doesn’t agree, “Get up, you lazy ass.” That does it, he grips his hand with hers and helps him up, while you finally got enough oxygen back into your system. Joel grits his teeth, “Lazy ass. Fifty-six years old, you little shit.” Ellie giggles and you smile wide and continue to trail after him.
Joel grabs a fire extinguisher to break through the glass of one of the office doors, the sharp sound of glass shattering rings throughout the room, and Joel reaches in to shake the handle open.
You and Ellie prepare to sleep, and you realize that there aren’t enough cushions for the three of you. Joel scatters glass on the ground as Ellie sits on her makeshift bed, and calls out his name as you sit cross-legged on the carpet, silently contemplating sleeping on the floor. He doesn’t hear Ellie the second time, too busy dumping out the glass.
But the third time she yells out his name he finally turned, “What?” He grudgingly says, and she asks him pointedly, “What are you doing?” And replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “I don’t want someone sneaking up on us while we’re sleeping.”
He puts the bucket down and Ellie realizes what he meant, “Oh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch…” He walks over to the couch cushions on the floor and Ellie questions him, “Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?” Joel takes offense to her asking him that, “Of course, I’ll hear it. That’s the damn point.” Ellie leans back, “Okay. Well, good night.” And he gives a small, “Yeah, goodnight.”
You prepare to sleep on top of your backpack and Joel says your name, “What are you doing?” You turn your head to him and swallow, “Um, there’s not enough cushions. It’s okay though, I’ve slept on the floor before.” His eyebrows furrow and he huffs, “You sleep on mine then.” You shake your head, “Joel, you stayed up late, floored it all the way to Kansas City, fought three hunters, and then walked up thirty-three flights of stairs. You’re literally fifty-six and wheezing. You’re exhausted, so it’s okay, you can have it.”
Joel places his hands on his hips as he stares down at your figure, “That isn’t right though, you’re equally as tired and you got injured earlier. So take the damn bed.” He argues, this was slowly going to become a full-on debate that could have lasted till the morning, but Ellie butts in, “Why don’t you guys just share?” Immediately, your eyes go wide, and feel your face grow warm. You begin to stutter as you try and explain to her why that would be inappropriate, “Um, Ellie… I don’t think that’s—”
“Fine.” You hear him say and your head quickly turns to look at Joel, almost giving you a whiplash as you did. You blink wildly at him and shakily say, “You don’t need to–” He gives you no chance to finish your sentence, “I said fine. Do you want to share or not?” Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell is happening? He didn’t just offer that, did he? Your mouth gapes open like a fish out of water, not knowing how to act or find the right words for this. You take a deep inhale and try not to stumble over your words as you stared into his dark chocolate-brown eyes, “Are you… sure?”
He nods and gestures to you to lay down, you pinch your lips and swallow away your nerves and climb atop the cushions, using your own jacket as a pillow. Joel quietly does the same and faces the opposite of you. You bring your hands to your mouth, they’re slightly trembling as you try and calm your racing heart. Ellie is looking at you with a smirk, that cheeky little shit, she’s playing matchmaker. You mouth out the words, “Fuck you.” Which causes her to grin wider, happy with what she’s accomplished.
“Hey.” Joel's voice is deep and low from behind you, and you raise your eyebrows at Ellie, she replies, “Yeah?” He proceeds to ask, “When we were talking about hurtin’ people, what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” You give Ellie a sad smile knowingly, the places may have changed, but at its core, the story stayed the same. She changes her position to lay flat on her back and stares at the ceiling, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He doesn’t push her and settles, “All right.” After a second he rolls over to his left and lifts his head up, to look at Ellie, you are now inches apart from him brushing his hand on your waist, he tells the kid, “You don’t have to. I’m just saying… it isn’t fair, your age having to deal with all of this.”
Ellie looks to the both of you, “So it gets easier when you get older?” You snort, “God, no.” And Joel shakes his head, “No. Not really. But still.” Ellie doesn’t say anything back to him for a bit, and he sighs, you feel his breath along the back of your neck, causing your spine to shiver at the sensation. “The reason I asked whether you’d hear the glass or not, is because Miss Birdie and I have noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it ‘cause you were shot there?”
“Probably more from shootin’. So if you wanna keep your hearing, you stick to that knife.” He says and lays back down again, rolling back over to his right side and closing his eyes, Ellie says both of your names and you look at her, waiting, “Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” He glances over his shoulder, “What?” And Ellie continues, “Yeah. It runs in your jeans.”
You didn’t know if your humor was broken, or if you were traumatized, or just exhausted, but you giggled with her and hear Joel whisper, “Jesus.”
He shakes his head, and you and Ellie continue to giggle, “That is so goddamn stupid.” But Ellie points out, “You laughed, motherfucker.” You hear the smile in his voice, “I didn’t laugh.” The kid throws back at him, “Yes, you did.” And you agree with her, “Yeah, you most certainly did, cowboy.”
He mumbles, “Jesus, I’m losin’ it,” and you loudly agree, “Yep, you are and so am I.”
And then his invisible walls came down and allowed himself to be vulnerable, to laugh at Ellie’s stupid joke. Finally, letting his baggage down, if he was being honest, he was so tired of being afraid, and this feeling of weightlessness felt like euphoria. Your cheeks rise to meet your eyes and lines appear as you smile, listening to both of their laughter. Though the storms will push and pull, you three are slowly beginning to form a home. The years, while they were here, haven’t been so kind, but the melody of laughter reminds you to keep your heart open wide. Slowly finding the strength and the nerve it takes to keep going because you know what lies beneath is the greatest thing you have. To trust that there will be light always waiting behind even in the darkest of nights. Somehow you will all be okay.
OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – A FEW HOURS INTO THE NIGHT
You feel something heavy and warm draped over your waist, and your head resting on something firm beneath your head. You hear Ellie yell out both of your names in urgency and blink your eyes open to find yourself wrapped up in arms, with your head on his chest. You take a deep inhale, turn your head slightly, and tap Joel awake, his eyes open, alert and confused, to see Ellie kneeling on the cushions with her hands up and Henry pointing a gun at her head. Shit.
And you both turn to look in front of you, a little boy, Sam, with orange paint on his face resembling a superhero mask, pointing a gun at you both, he brings his pointer finger to his lips, indicating for you to be quiet. Joel tries to shield you from the boy, covering your figure with his large frame, gripping your waist so tight, and breathing through his nose heavily. You feel a little paralyzed, as you can’t help but watch the train wreck about to happen right in front of you.
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END NOTES:
This was probably one of the most difficult chapters to write because of all the technicalities and this episode was definitely more centered around Ellie and Joel’s relationship so I didn’t want the reader to completely overshadow that
HHEHEHEHE ONE BED TROPE
The moment I watched that episode, I immediately thought, I’m writing a one-bed trope (idk if i got it right tho lol I tried to make it realistic??)
I had to cut a huge ass important memory from the reader but decided again it's TOO SOON also it wouldn’t add anything to the plot so I’ll add that in later
My bad for taking too long to finish this chapter, it was the most intimidating episode for me to write, the loss of innocence is also the main theme of this part of the show, and my experiences with losing innocence are WAY DIFFERENT so it proved it harder to write about
You can see Joel slowly giving in and opening up to both you and Ellie
Tbh, to me, this is one of the more mediocre chapters I’ve written thus far but I can’t seem to edit it anymore T^T
Ellie absolutely adores you and 100% looks up to you hehe (Also she definitely wants you to get with her father figure)
cAN SOMEONE UPDATE ME IF THEY WERE AT A TRUCK STOP OR GAS STATION BCS I’ve read sO MANY DAMN ARTICLES trying to figure out what it was and I just settled for a truck stop T^T
Thank you, guys, so much for all your kind questions, comments, and feedback aHHH IT TRULY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME
Lastly, this is the last call for the taglist before I close it!
OKAY BYE OFF TO EPISODE 5 I GO WRITE HNGGGG
- Grace
Chapter Three: Light Carries On Endlessly Even After Death
Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?
Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Singing, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing
Word Count: 9.7k
A/N: This chapter is inspired by a mix of quotes and songs! Super unrelated, but it occurred to me, if I was in TLOU universe, I would not survive. I need my antidepressants and immediately would call it quits LMAO. (I know dark humor sorry :,) If you want to see my thought process (idk if you want to) I’ll put it at the end notes! Thank you for your comments, reblogs, and notes! I genuinely appreciate it and it means alot to me <3
Song: Make You Feel My Love by Adele
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TLOU WORLD — 2023
TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON – DUSK
You trek your way into the forest, you hear your footsteps squishing through the mud and dirt, and the pounding of your breath. The sun is beginning to set, dusk then brings you moonlight, a time to reflect on the day that has past and look forward to the day that will be refreshed by the glow of the sun. It is the time when the birds sing farewell till the stars call them to sleep under the wings. Each color intensifies in beautiful solemnity, uniting in the darkness.
No one spoke for the entirety of the hike, the silence carries your melancholy, yet it is a permanent friend of your subconsciousness. The deafness is only broken by ragged breaths and the beating of human hearts. Joel comes to a stop, his back facing you and Ellie as he speaks, “We’ll camp here for the night. I’ll take watch.”
You look to Ellie who merely shrugs, the two of you say nothing and begin to set up camp on the forest floor. You hear the rushing water of a river nearby and realize where you’ve ended up. Placing your backpack on the floor, you raise your arms and stretch to the sky, undoing the painful knots in your back and neck. You let out a sigh of relief and prepare for the inevitable. Joel calls out your name and you turn to face him, ready to take on the brunt of his pain and rage.
His eyebrows lower slightly, and the tone of his voice goes down a pitch, “You and I need to talk.” You take an uneasy breath and nod in agreement despite the sweat coating both palms. He takes a step closer to you and asks, “Did you know?” he raises his voice a little, “Did you know about Tess?” You look down in shame and whisper, “Yes.”
It takes everything he has to keep his control, jaw clenched and narrowed eyes, “Why?” he says. A question so simple, a three-letter word holding so much weight, and so much anger towards you. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You swallow and avoid responding, choosing silence over an argument. He scoffs and shakes his head, and you cross your arms across your chest. The more he fumed, the smaller you made herself.
You shift your weight from one foot to the other, and only look up to see his broad shoulders and back facing you, he mumbles with a quiet rage, “I’m gonna go check the area and make sure it’s safe and that there aren’t any infected nearby.”
“This ain’ gonna work if you keep hidin’ secrets from me Hummin’ bird.” He turns and walks away, disappearing into the woods. “Well, that was dramatic.” You turn to find Ellie sitting comfortably, back resting against the pine tree in a crisscross position, you open your mouth to ask if she was okay but decided against it. Instead, you nod, “Yeah. I’m, um, sorry about that.” Ellie only shrugs, “He must’ve loved her or something.” Your gaze softens as you whisper into the cool navy twilight, “Or something.”
YOUR ORIGINAL OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE — JANUARY 2023, NOON
WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY, FUNDAMENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS LAB
The sleeves of your white lab coat itch your arms as you focused on typing up your report. The clacking sound of your keyboard could be heard from around the lab as you typed. You were invited to assist in a study focusing on quantum mechanics and theory. The lab wasn’t as busy today, most of them had decided to join the conference that was being held at Harvard, busy networking and connecting with possible investors or fellow researchers.
It was only you and Adam that was left in the lab, his excuse was he would rather put acid in his eyes than shake hands and give fake niceties. He’s nearby testing his new hypothesis, and decides to make conversation with you, “If we manage to prove this, then it is possible, somewhere in the many worlds, a pandemic happened earlier in a different universe.” You roll your eyes in amusement, “Yeah, I guess so.” You’re in thought for a moment before asking, “Do you think humanity won? Like, they overcame it?” He hums, “Maybe. Or maybe they lost.” You snort and throw a careless joke, “Everyone would blame our shitty government and us, the scientists. How ignorant must you be for it to happen twice?”
“Well, all disaster movies start with a scientist being ignored.” He says matter-of-factly, and you give no response, and you continue typing up your report. Silently hoping that if it were true, that humanity would still have hope, small but just enough to let the shine through, and believe that they haven’t lost yet. You look at the time and log out of your work computer, packing up your things, and asking Adam if he would like to join you for lunch he politely declines, so you bid him farewell as you head out the doors to step on the grey pavement of the campus and make your way to a nearby restaurant. It’s a beautiful day, you think to yourself, clear blue skies and a cool breeze that caresses your skin. You take notice of the blue butterfly fluttering its wings and flying right past you, you smile as it leaves an afterimage of change.
TLOU WORLD — 2023
TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON — CIVIL TWILIGHT DAWN
You wake up with a deep inhale, your eyes struggle to open, and try to understand where you were. Tired from the dream, well, a memory that replayed like a cassette tape on a player that pressed rewind. You blink a couple of times before rubbing your eyes awake and retrace your steps in your mind as you recall what happened last night, only to remember giving Ellie your jacket and waiting up for Joel to come back from scouting the area for any signs of danger.
You sit up a little straighter and crack the aching parts of your neck, you look next to yourself and see Ellie lightly snoring up against a tree, still asleep. You look at the familiar jacket draped over your body that had kept you warm during the cold night. Joel must’ve placed it on top of you when he found you barely awake and functioning.
You can’t help but smile and feel your heart flutter at the thought of him taking care of you. You feel the muscles of your cheeks tighten as you try to hide away your smile and hoist yourself up quietly, not wanting to disturb Ellie’s slumber. Letting Joel’s jacket drape off of your shoulders, you use your hands to hold the collar, creating a cape that drapes behind you.
You head towards the sound of the stream, it burbles as it travels along its bed, bubbling over rocks and branches. It was a delicate duck-egg blue, like the delicate sweep of a painter's brush. It snuck and snuck its way past all impediments, even the river's stones. Twigs spun across its murmuring surface, small messengers from the mountain trees that had brought them there. The creek rushed across the riverbed's pebbles. It sounded like a starling flock's airy, silky spin.
In the background, the mountains stood silently, a sullen presence of sky-punching glory. Snow brooches adorned their lofty peaks, which were encircled in angel-white wreaths. A weeping torrent cascaded down the granite wall. It appeared to be a silk-blue slide pouring down the mountain. It looked to be bound in silver as it carried its burden of ice crystals. It emitted a distant thrumming sound, similar to the constant rumble of a drum roll. It glowed brightly as it fed the riverbed, the forest's lifeblood. It was a breathtaking sight.
Your gaze turns to fine Joel’s figure kneeling, hunched over, and quietly picking stones from the river’s edge. You watch from a distance as he silently stacks a pile of stones to create a cairn, a memorial for Tess. You make sure your footsteps can be heard as you approach him, but he gave no acknowledgment as you decide to sit atop a large rock. It takes a while before he looks at you, and finds you staring right through him with sorrowful eyes.
You let out a huff of air before speaking in a neutral tone, “I don’t mean to keep secrets from you. If I had come here a day before the pandemic, a day before your birthday, I would have done everything to make sure this never happened.” You paused for a moment then continued, “You asked me why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you because I thought I could do it on my own. I’ve been doing this for my whole life, keeping the peace and fixing things by myself, and I got it right every time. And the one time I get it wrong it cost someone’s life.”
You feel your voice quiver as you spoke, eyes darting to look past him, afraid of the rage and grief he feels, “Someone you loved is gone. I’m sorry, Joel. But God, I know that will never be enough and no amount of apologies will bring her back. I had a chance and I fucked up. If I could… If I could press rewind and trade her life for mine I would if that would make it any better for you.”
“No.” Joel states and your eyebrows furrow in confusion, and slowly bring your eyes to look at him, “No?” And he shakes his head and picks up another rock as he says, “I accept your apology, but stop doin’ that.” You tilt your head quizzically, “Don’t do what?” He gruffly replies, “Minimize your life as if it doesn’t matter. As if it ain’t just as important.” She felt her breathing pause and peered intently at him before trying to argue, “But–” He shuts her down before she could go on, “Stop it, as you said, no amount of apologizin’ is gonna bring her back. She’s gone. I made a promise to her that I’m plannin’ on keepin’, you gonna help me or not?”
That throws you off balance, you expected him to lash out, maybe throwing a rock or two at you, not this. Slowly you nod, “Yes. Yes, I will.” Joel looks and searches for any form of malice or lies and finds none. He simply stretches his arm to you, the rock he previously took from the river’s edge, and holds it out to you like an olive branch. You slide off the rock you were sitting on and take the rock from his hand, crouching down and quietly placing it on top of the cairn.
You stare at the pile of rocks for a moment, quiet in thought, but then Joel says your name in a whisper that wouldn’t even fog the glass, you raise your eyes to look at him as he asks, “Was she, in your world, did she, um, already um…” And you already know what he’s wondering before he tries and say the words, so you save him the trouble of continuing, giving him a nod you reply solemnly, “Yes.”
“And when we get to Bill and Frank’s? What do you know about that?” He says, and you blink back your tears, flashbacks of that episode occur in your mind, remembering their love for each other and what would happen once we got there. You apologetically smile at him, “Out of respect for the both of them. It’s best to find out when you get there.”
His eyebrows arch inwards in concern, “Are they okay?” And you hesitate, thinking how to appropriately word this without lying, but then you remember, “Yes, they’re content.”
Joel’s eyes look back down at the cairn the decides to get up. You see him hold out his hand for you, and you take it to hoist yourself up. “Let’s go back and see if Ellie’s awake.” He states, then let’s go of your hand, making his way back to the kid. You stand there for a second, glancing at the pile of stones that represent her legacy, then back at Joel, you decide to walk forward toward your future beginning to unfold.
TEN MILES WEST OF BOSTON — DAY
The sound of birds chirping can be heard as you walk behind Joel, finding Ellie awake with her sitting upright with her knees pulled to her chest and your jacket still being used as a makeshift blanket. Joel goes through his pack to get a bark of food and Ellie breaks the silence to question you, “You want your jacket back?”
You nod and grab it from her as she holds it out to you, putting it on, you remove Joel’s brown jacket to place it on top of Ellie. Her face drops, “Seriously?” And you shrug to whisper, “You guys need to talk too.” You begin to pack up and wear your backpack.
Joel takes a bite from his food only to crumple the wrapper to throw it at Ellie as if she was some dog. You look at him in slight annoyance as Ellie rolls her eyes and takes picks it up from the ground to also take a bite of food. He makes himself busy as he adjusts the strap of his worn-out backpack, trying to ignore the kid, but Ellie is persistent, “I’ve never been in the woods.” She chews before continuing, “More bugs than I thought.” Joel doesn’t respond, disregarding her statement, and fidgets with the buckles and straps. Ellie huffs, her shoulders tense and her voice louder as says, “Look, I’ve been thinking about…”
Joel shoots straight up to swing his backpack over his shoulder, “I don’t want your sorries.” Your eyes swing over to Ellie as she retorts, “I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry. I was gonna say I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan.” Joel stands there as he listens to her go on, “You needed a truck battery or whatever and you made a choice.” Then her voice lowers an octave and slightly quivers, “So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”
Joel has his jaw clenched and you could see the vein in his neck preparing to burst, but all he does is give a silent nod at Ellie, then she looks away. Joel picks up his rifle and Ellie stands up to walk to him, backpack, and food, in one hand and Joel’s jacket in the other. She stretches out her arm for Joel to take it from her, a truce, as he gently grabs it and folds it. A small smile stretches across your face and you relax.
“How much longer?” Ellie asks him, and he responds calmly, “Five-hour hike.” The kid nods and states, “We can manage that.”
You take note of the trees arching and twisting from above you, the leaves creating patterns with their shadows, and not a single blade of grass out of place. It’s surprisingly quiet and almost peaceful as you follow Joel and Ellie across the wooden bridge, letting your mind wander, and quietly hum tunes that remind you of home. And when you no longer wanted to hum, you reflected on what happened on September 26, 2003. When it all fell apart on Joel’s birthday. The day seemed so normal, with clear blue skies and a celebration of life between a father and a daughter. You should have known, but now you learn, blue skies were a sight you never trusted again.
“You’ve gone this way a lot? No infected?” Ellie asks, seemingly exhausted from not talking for so long. “Not often, no,” Joel replies, steadily looking for any form of danger, “What are you looking for?” And you respond for him, “People.” Ellie hums in acknowledgment, “Are Bill and Frank nice?” Joel replies lightly, “Frank is.” Glad you’re behind the two, and maybe it’s the past that’s talking, but flashes of their love come back to you in a blur.
Ellie continues asking Joel the question, “Where’d you get that scar on your head?” You frown at that and remember exactly how he got it, he sighs at her. “What? Is it something lame? Like you fell down the stairs or something?” Ellie teasingly said, and his whiskey-deep voice gravelly replied, “I didn’t fall down any stairs.”
“I fell down the stairs a lot in high school. Every year for four years.” You mumble your input without any thought and Ellie looks over at you with concern, “How the fuck are you still alive.” And you frown slightly, “To be honest, I have no fucking clue either.” The kid turns back to Joel, “Okay, so what then?” Ellie asks and Joel vaguely replies, “Someone shot at me and missed.”
“See, that’s cool. Did you shoot back?” The young girl states and looks at Joel with so much wonder and amazement, Joel glances at her and then responds, “Yeah.” Ellie continues, “You get him?” He’s practically done with her asking so many questions but replies anyway, “No, I missed too. It happens more often than you think.”
“Because you suck at shooting or, like, in general?” You then bite back a laugh at Ellie’s comment, however, your eyes crinkle as you do. Vexed, Joel turns to look at Ellie, then away from her, “In general.” You snort at his response and this time he looks over his shoulder to look at you and you stare right back at him.
Ellie glances at Joel’s revolver gun in its holder and looks back up at Joel, “You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us, and she has a gun already, I was thinking I should pro–” Joel doesn’t hesitate with his response, “No.” Ellie only rolls her eyes at his response and keeps quiet for a bit.
The three of you step over a fallen electric pole and turn a corner, “Cumberland Farms.” Ellie reads out the sign as you pass by it, Joel hurries his pace a bit before saying to you both, “Hang back a minute. I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.”
“Stashed? Why do you have stuff stashed here?” Ellie asks still following Joel, irritated he says, “You ask a lot of goddamn questions.” She smirks, “Yes, I do.” Joel opens the door to the store, the sound of metal scraping against the floor as he does. “So, you gonna answer me or what?” Joel sighs and gives in, “We hide supplies on routes in case we find ourselves short on gear which I currently am because…”
“No way!” Ellie exclaims happily, and hurriedly makes her way to a Mortal Kombat machine, “You ever play this one?” You watch her mash buttons and mess with the joystick, while Joel lingers around, “I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones.” She sighs, “Oh man.” You look to Joel, entertained by him looking through a bunch of junk, Ellie turns to notice what you're looking at, “You forgot where you put your stuff.”
Joel shakes his head and denies, “No. I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years.” You lightly laugh, your shoulders slightly bouncing up and down as you do, “So, what? You’re using echolocation to look for it?” Joel only glances at you and sighs. Ellie smiles and says, “Okay, well, I’m gonna take a look around. See if there’s anything good.” Joel kicks something and replies, “Trust me, it’s all been picked over already.” Ellie hums thoughtfully, “Maybe, maybe not.” She makes her way to an open door and asks, “Is there anything bad in here?”
“Just you.” He retorts, and Ellie sighs, “Ah, getting funnier.”
Joel shoves something and it doesn’t budge, “Fuck.” You laugh again at his struggle, and he looks at you unimpressed, “Do you, by any chance know where it is?” You smirk, “Yep.” He raises his eyebrows at you, “Do you wanna, maybe, I dunno, help me?” You twist your mouth to the side, cross your arms across your chest, and look up, mockingly thinking, “Eventually.”
Joel sighs at you, one hand on his hip as he does, then he says your name in a low-pitched voice, and you smile innocently at him from across the store. “And why won’t you tell me where it is?” You shrug and playfully say, “I like seeing you struggle.”
Electricity fills the air and you feel the warmth on your face, his brown eyes have now turned a shade darker than usual, and you watch him breathe a little deeper. Your tongue darts out a little bit to wet your lower lip and feel your heart race wildly. He stands there confidently, you notice his salt and pepper hair, his beautiful tan skin, and how the lines under his eyes and forehead remind you of maps you wish to trace your fingers on as they stretch, and there are too many miles to count.
Wide-eyed in realization, you open your mouth, finding words to explain or excuse yourself but found none. Closing your gaping mouth, you quickly turn around to walk out of the store. Joel says your name, low and thick, you can feel the vibrations through your bones, it stops you in your tracks with your back facing him, “Where do you think your goin’? Turn around.”
You close your eyes for a second and try to quiet your beating heart, you follow his command, like a puppet on a string. “Where is it?” He asks as you feel his stare roam all over your body even from the large gap between you two, and you blink owlishly at him and out of breath, “Um, it’s at, um…” You clear your throat and try again, “It’s at the end of the aisle, underneath the newspapers.”
“Come over here and help me lift this shit.” And your feet move forward to the man who is now crouched down and waiting for you. You kneel next to him, and as you tilt your head to look at him, you are now inches apart and unknowingly even closer at heart. You shyly look down on the piece of wood hiding his stash, “You should um, probably open it.”
He says nothing in response and you watch as he pulls his knife out and slices through the wood to create a small gap to lift it off the ground. You help him move it to the side, fingertips brushing against each other, feather-light touches that ignite a fire within you. In the corner of your eye, you see him begin to dig through the supplies he had left behind. It then occurs to you that you haven’t heard from Ellie in a while, you look to Joel with a concerned look, “We haven’t heard Ellie in a while,” you whisper.
He nods and proceeds to call for her, “Ellie?” He receives no response and the worry expands in your belly. Joel gets up and so do you, this time you try to call for her, “Ellie.” Getting nothing as well. Joel pulls out his revolver and turns to you, “Wait here.” You nod and follow his request, he approaches the door, “Ellie?” and she walks out fine and unscathed, “Picked over, my ass.” She says holding up a box of tampons.
You let out a sigh of relief, even though you knew she would be fine, but the nagging voice in the back of your mind reminds you that things could change for the better or worse in any situation. Your being in this universe has an effect now, especially the fact you’re running around with the two main characters of this story. Whatever you say or choose not to say will have repercussions if you’re not careful. That’s something you learned the hard way.
Joel puts his gun away as Ellie shoves her find into her pack. He kneels down to put away the green toolbox and rifle under his stash, Ellie watches and asks, “What are you doing?” He responds, “There’s not much ammo out there for this thing. Makes it mostly useless.” You help him put the board back on and to no one’s surprise she tries to take advantage of the opportunity, “Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…” Joel stands and you follow suit, he looks at Ellie sternly, “No.”
He turns to walk out of the store and Ellie follows after him, defeated. You watch the two go-ahead before glancing at the open door, knowing exactly what Ellie had found down there. Swallowing down your fear, you force yourself to keep going.
You continue to walk along the road, the clouds march on and the trees bow down to give their leaves, to offer you some shade along your journey. Walking by you see the wreckage of an airplane atop a hill, broken parts, and pieces scattered along the field. Ellie breathes out, “Holy shit.” The three of you stop walking to gaze at it fondly, “You fly in one of those?” The kid asks you and Joel, and he replies, “Few times, sure.”
Ellie is looking up at you, searching for your answer, and you give her a nod, “Yeah, a couple of times.” She brings her focus back to the wreckage and sighs, “So lucky.” Joel disagrees, “Didn’t feel like it at the time. Get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich.”
“Dude, you got to go up in the sky,” Ellie says, and you frown, simple things that got taken for granted, you knew all too well. “Yeah, well, so did they,” Joel says with dejection in his voice, then decides to keep moving. Something all he’s ever known. Ellie mutters, “Grim.”
“So everything came crashing down in one day?” Ellie questions and Joel nods, “Pretty much.” Ellie doesn’t settle for that and chooses to follow up with a, “How? I mean, no one was infected with cordyceps. Everybody’s fine eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then, all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to get infected, then who bit the first person?” She pauses, “Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”
You huff in amusement, “If it were a monkey, this wouldn’t have happened.” Joel looks at you then turns back to Ellie and replies, “It wasn’t a monkey. I thought you went to school?” Ellie frowns, “FEDRA school. They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”
You flinch at her statement and think for a nanosecond, fuck. You hear your memories echo back to you. You snort and throw a careless joke, “Everyone would blame our shitty government and all the scientists. How ignorant must you be for it to happen twice?” Adam replies, “Well, all disaster movies start with a scientist being ignored.”
You painfully exhale and look to Ellie, parroting back the words you heard not long ago, “All disasters start with a scientist being ignored.” Joel and Ellie listen to you intently as you remember what had happened, and you continue on, “A scientist named Dr. Neuman sometime in the 1960s had feared this would happen. People laughed and brushed it off.”
You close your eyes and try and untangle the strings of memories and information about their world, “Your outbreak started in Jakarta, Indonesia on September 24, 2003. A flour and grain factory, on the west side of the city. The perfect substrate. A normal woman suddenly turned violent, attacked four of her coworkers, and bit three of them. They locked her in the bathroom and when the police arrived, she tried to attack them, and they shot her. The people she bit were taken for observation. You could imagine what happened a few hours later.”
You open your eyes to realize you had stopped walking and see Joel and Ellie analyzing the new information, you press on, “No one knows who bit her first, but there were fourteen coworkers missing. Possibly already spreading the virus. The cordyceps mutated because the world got warmer, and some of it go into the food supply. Flour was the case, and there were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere all across the country, and across the world. Bread, cereal… pancake mix.” You paused, unable to go on, so Joel picked it up from there and continued walking as he spoke, “If you eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time Thursday. People bought it ate some Thursday night or Friday morning. Day goes on, they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening… they got worse. Then they started biting. Friday night, September 26, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone.”
Ellie is quiet for a bit then nods, “It makes more sense than monkeys. Thanks.” Joel lifts a shoulder, “Sure,” while you only nod with the silence that you continue to carry. Joel raises his arm to stop you and Ellie, “What?” She asks him. He exhales, “We’ll cut across the woods here.” Ellie looks at him skeptically, “Isn’t the road easier?”
“Yeah, it’s just… There’s some stuff up there you shouldn’t see.” Joel says, the tone in his voice very fatherly. You look to Ellie expectantly, as she cheekily smiles at him and walks ahead, “Well, now I have to see.”
“I don’t want you to.” Joel comments disapprovingly, but Ellie marches on, and he grunts, “Serious. Ellie.” You follow after the two, and the young girl asks, “Can it hurt me?” Joel replies straightforwardly, “No.” She turns and walks backward as she talks to him, “You’re too honest man. Should’ve said ax murderer.” Ellie carries on walking normally, while you and Joel look at each other consciously, with full awareness.
You decide to take a risky leap, gently take his hand, and squeeze it reassuringly. His weary eyes are drawn to your linked hands, fingers interlaced like a beautiful zipper of prayer. Hands are the maps and compasses we use to navigate our lives. Some people read palms to predict the future but you read hands to predict the past. Every scar has a tale worth sharing. Each calloused palm and fractured knuckle represents a missed punch or years spent in a factory. Your eyes tell him, ‘It’s okay, let her know.’ And he seems to understand, giving you a short nod. Because, what is a girl if not a buzzing creature discovering what the world will take from her?
“Whatever it is, I think it’s gone,” Ellie yells out to you both, only to stop short moments after to look at the ditch below. Skeletons were jumbled together and littered the dirt. You and Joel reach Ellie, with hands still intertwined, she’s looking up at you both for an explanation. Joel emits a long, deep, audible breath expressing his sadness, “About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers… went through the countryside and evacuated the small towns. Told you you were going to a QZ, and you were… if there was room.” He hesitates, “If there wasn’t…”
These people were wiped clean away, leaving only a wristwatch or a blanket. The only proof that they ever existed. Ellie feels out of sorts as she mutters, “These people weren’t sick?” Joel replies fixed and controlled, “No, probably not.” The girl nods while blinking away her melancholy and frustration she asks quietly, “Why kill them? Why not just leave them be?” You take a shaky inhale before responding, “Because dead people can’t get infected.”
Joel squeezes your hand in reassurance, and it grounds you from remembering what had happened that sunny day. How easy it was for the government and military to manipulate everyone into believing everything was under control. People that you trusted and elected for a hopeful cause only for them to betray you in the end. You tip your head up to Joel and he looks at your sparkling eyes, looking up at him searching for some kind of answer. But he gazes at you, with no answers, instead, is filled with promises. Because what is an adult if not a terrified being desperate to protect something you can't save?
AMHERST COUNTY, MASSACHUSETTS, LINCOLN, – NOON
You, Joel, and Ellie approach the electric fence gate surrounding the small town of Lincoln. The site is hauntingly beautiful, a white large house can be seen from a distance, while trees dance in the wind, you can picture this neighborhood having plenty of kids playing out on the street without a care in the world. As you approach the gate, there’s a number keypad attached to the side, he glances at you and Ellie, “Stay there.” He punches in the four-digit code and there is a high pitch ring, indicating that the passcode was correct, and the metal gate unlocks.
Joel opens the gate for Ellie to walk through first, and then you. He closes the gate behind him as he follows you both inside. The environment is suspenseful and suspiciously quiet, Joel places his hand on his revolver while noticing the wilting yellow flowers outside the house. He pushes down on the door handle, surprised that it was left unlocked, he removes his revolver from the holster and cautiously walks inside. Ellie mumbles, “What the fuck?” while Joel yells out, “Bill? Frank?” Your palms begin to sweat and you discreetly wipe them down on your pants, Joel turns to look at you and Ellie, “You stay there. You hear anything… you see anything yell.”
“What if they’re gone?” Ellie asks and Joel doesn’t respond, only looking at her before turning and opening the door to the kitchen. She sighs and proceeds to look around the house. A grand piano sits in the living room, and Ellie curiously presses on a bunch of keys to listen to the notes play. And then you spot it, head tilting, you carefully take the envelope and key that sat on top of the wooden table, and feel the sense of sorrow you knew followed you around like a shadow.
You look to Ellie who was staring at you expectantly and then hand her the letter. You didn’t need to read what you already knew. Your footsteps are heavy as you pull out a seat from the dining room table, and fold your arms atop the desk before bending your head down. Your muscles were aching and exhausted, while the pounding in your head decided to return for another round. Ellie pulls out the chair next to you and opens the letter, quietly reading it.
You hear Joel from down the hall, trying to knock and unlock the door of Bill and Frank’s room, but hear the front door shut from the wind. This causes him to jump and call out for you and Ellie. None of you decide to reply. He stalks down the hall and turns right to the dining room, to find you quiet and resting your head against the dining table with Ellie reading the letter.
“It’s from Bill.” The girl says, and Joel decides to holster his revolver again. She reads aloud, “‘To whomever, but probably Joel’. I figured I fell into ‘whomever.’” And then shrugs, “It came with this,” she pushes a key across the dusty table adjacent to her and he removes his backpack before tossing it to the floor. He grabs the key to inspect it and then states, “So they’re dead?” Ellie nods, “Mhm. You wanna…” Joel shakes his head no, “Go ahead. You do it.”
Ellie clears her throat before reading out loud the words you cried over for a good week, “August 29, 2023. If you find this, please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell but it will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehehehe.” She pauses in confusion but goes on, “Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code but in reverse. Anyway, I never liked you but still, it’s like we’re friends, almost. And I respect you.”
You can already feel the flip in your stomach before you’ve even heard the part that would hit him the most, “So I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving.”
And it all comes rushing back to you, the love story of Bill and Frank, a chance meeting that would have only happened during the end of the times. You quietly tried your best to sit up straight, but your posture is still drooping and sagging. Placing your elbows on the table, and folding your hands, interlocking your fingers, you closed your eyes and let your head rest against your hands. And when your eyes closed, your guards came down, tears freely flowed down your cheeks, mentally deadened, tired, and nauseous as you listened, “That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep…” Ellie stops abruptly, not wanting to continue.
Ellie purses her lips together in a line while Joel snatches the letter to read what she could not. To keep Tess safe. He swallows down his guilt and anger, “Stay here.” You open your puffy, bloodshot eyes as you hear him storm out of the house leaving the door open behind him. Feeling out of focus and indisposed, like a single loose thread that comes all undone. You curl one leg up to your chest and let your chin rest on top of it, and you can feel the snot dripping down your nose as you do. Bring the sleeve of your jacket, to wipe it off from your face, then use the palms of your hands to wipe the tears away.
But it proves useless as the tears continue to flow, Ellie silently moves to stand next to you and then gives an unexpected, but not unwelcomed, hug. You continue to cry harder, choking on every breath you take as you do, as you wrap your arms around Ellie’s waist and silently stroke your hair. Joel comes back to the house finding the sight of you broken and sobbing uncontrollably. Ellie only looks at him with saddened eyes, and a silent plea to help you.
You’re uncomfortably shattering into pieces, stitch by stitch it tears you apart, and a stained-glass variation of the truth leaves your brokenness on display. Joel walks behind you, unsure what to do or say, but he can feel the magnetic pull of wanting and needing to help you, quietly he asks you, “What do you need?”
He wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t incredibly silent if your voice hadn’t echoed off the walls, your voice hiccuping, so small and soft as you admit, “I don’t know…” But Joel does. Without question, Ellie gently lets go of you, to be replaced by Joel’s large arms wrapped around your shaking frame.
The seasons will eventually change, and you may choose to go into them shattered and busted, with stiff souls, wounded hearts, and raggedy spirits. But the tiny part of you will continue on because hope endures the agony of sadness; it does not require your protection or defense. For now, you will allow yourself to cry, sigh, and wish for things to be different in the comfort of the two people you’ve grown close with. Later, you will discover raw, wrung-out calm when you allow yourself to be human.
After a reprieve, you willed yourself to stop crying. You take a shaky inhale and be the first one to pull away from Joel. Sweaty, puffy, and slightly dehydrated, from the amount of crying you’ve managed to do in a small amount of time. You feel drowsy, exhausted, overwhelmed, and embarrassed. Rubbing your face with both hands, you heavily exhale and try to regroup yourself as you do.
Joel gently holds your wrist to reveal your face, he’s kneeling down in front of you, “You good?” Your eyes shift uncontrollably across his face, not able to focus on him properly but you nod anyway, you have to keep going, “Mhm, yes. I’m good now,” you said. He gives you a short nod and slowly pushes himself up to face Ellie who was quietly sitting down again, “Show me your arm.”
Ellie stands up and lifts her sleeve to reveal the bite on her arm already healing. Joel nods and says, “I just finished making a truck battery. It’s charging right now.” Ellie nods back, “Okay.” He continues on, “I have a brother out in Wyoming. He’s in some kind of trouble and I’m headin’ out there to find ‘em. He used to be a Firefly.” Ellie continues to silently nod, indicating that she was listening to him as he spoke, “And my guess is he knows where some of them are out there. Maybe they can get you to wherever this lab is.”
Ellie blinks, “All right. Listen about Tess…” But Joel shuts that down pretty quickly, he lifts his hand to stop her, “If I’m taking you with me, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, you don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can keep our histories to ourselves. Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your… condition. They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three, you do what I say when I say it.”
Joel looks at you pointedly, “Rule three applies to you too Hummin’ bird.” Your face scrunches up in annoyance and exclaim, “But I’m a grown adult!” Joel only lifts his eyebrows, “Do you know exactly what happens now from here on out? You ever lived in an apocalyptic world?” You move your eyes away from him and mumble defeatedly, “No, and just a few hunches and theories, I guess.” He harrumphs and looks at you and Ellie, “Are we clear?” He says. You both respond, “Yes.”Joel’s eyes narrow and says without smiling, “Repeat it.”
“What you say goes,” Ellie says and he looks to you for the same statement, “What you say goes, Cowboy.” He lets out a huff and shifts his weight to his other foot, “Okay,” he mumbles. The kid questions aloud, “So what now?” And Joel decides it’s time to start preparing, “We grab what we can.”
Loud footsteps are heard as the three of you descend the metal stairs, Joel flicks on a switch and the lights flicker open. The sound of the 80s playlist playing can be heard filling the room. Joel goes to pause it while Ellie takes a good walk around the bunker, and looks at the wall of guns, “Holy shit. This guy was a genius.” You laugh lightly at her comment, walk over to Joel’s side to look at the playlist and security cameras, saying “Well, under normal circumstances, this would be seen as paranoid.”
Ellie snorts in amusement and acknowledgment, she turns to Joel and asks, “Why was the music on?” Joel places his hands on the table and replies contemplatively, “If he doesn’t reset the countdown every few weeks, this playlist would run over the radio.” Ellie makes her way to the side of the monitor, she peeks at it and states, “‘80s.” He glances from behind him, not wanting to dwell on it any longer, and tells the kid, “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.” She lingers a bit by the wall of guns on display and points at it saying, “Dude.” Only to be replied with Joel’s firm, “No.” Ellie exasperated, “There’s a wall of them.” He gives her one hard look and Ellie pinches her lips into a thin line, walking away to start grabbing the canned food.
Joel’s gaze turns to you, while you tilt your head to the side to look up at him, and you feel a question forming on the tip of your tongue, the way you hold your breath as you wonder if it’s even worth bringing up, you and him inches away from touching, lingering and wanting you to say something. Instead, you pull away from his malt-musing mountain gaze, away from the comfort of his warmth and inviting pull. Afraid of what this could mean, or the possibility you might wake up and find yourself alone again. To only find his ghost wandering in your kitchen, haunting you if this all turns out to be nothing.
“I’m gonna go, um, help Ellie.” You say pointing behind you with your thumb, and then stumble your way around the bunker to look for the young girl. He watches you leave his side, and if he could have one wish it would be to have more time. He’d like to stop the clock and make time stand still because this is just how he always wants to feel. To hear the way she stumbles when she answers, and just for a little bit, secretly, he forgets about his cynicism because he can't wait to see what happens next.
You three end up going through everything in Bill and Frank’s home. On the upper floor, you and Ellie look around the bedroom as Joel opens the door to a closet, pulls on the pull cord switch of the light, and grabs a box of women’s clothes in Ellie’s size and yours. You and her open the box and happily dig through the pile of clothes that had been left behind. Eventually, you settle on a basic white tee, a pair of cargo pants, new white socks, and a lovely maroon leather jacket.
All three of you decide to check on the battery, Joel turns the knob of the charger and grunts, “Needs another hour.” Ellie checks the faucet by the sink and turns it to the right and happy squeals, “They have hot water! I’m taking a shower.” She then looks to Joel who was busy sorting through the clutter, “And then you’re both showering. Because seriously…” And before walking away she makes a sound to signal you both that you reeked of sweat and more stench imaginable. She walks away to go back inside the house and leaves you both alone together.
Not knowing what to do or say, you give yourself a hug, arms folding in front of your middle, eyes darting to everything but him. Joel watches the way you shift around the bunker. He does not know what you are thinking, how you prefer your tea, if you take sugar in your coffee, or whether you like walking in the rain. He takes notice of the way you keep going just like he does, when you laugh it sounds like a melody he’s all too familiar with but there’s a different hidden note between each breath you take.
You are impossible. Impossible is admitting you came from a different universe, it’s also attempting to connect in this world, trying to hang on to others while everything around you is exploding. And yet you’re standing there in front of him, real and full of light. He does not want to believe it, he worries in his mind that he will destroy each and every part of you, engrossing darkness and bitterness he has accumulated for the past twenty years. Beginning on the day the world fell apart, when it took Sarah away from him. And the weight of the world was placed on his shoulders.
You begin to hum to yourself as you take a walk around the bunker and appreciate the lengths Bill went through to keep him and Frank safe. Joel finally gives in to the tug of war in his mind and asks, “What song were you hummin’ on the hike here, Birdie? I didn’t recognize the melody this time.” His question pulls your attention away from the wall of guns and you incline your head toward him, “Oh? Uh, just a song from my world, I guess…” He looks at you expectantly and you take it as a cue to continue, “It’s a song by Adele.” You said as you scrunched your nose a bit. A look of puzzlement crossed his face, “Who’s Adele?” he says. You slowly blink at him, “Damn, your world ended too soon and robbed you of Adele.”
The conversation continues on, it goes from books to favorite drinks, and bit by bit you’re beginning to piece together the man in front of you. It astounds you, how he kept going even when the world took away the people he loved. And later you hear Ellie yelling from the house, telling you both she’s done, you look to Joel and he tells you to use the shower first. You smile at him and give him a small thanks as you head up the stairs. The small talk you both had left him floating and hates that his mind continues to think about worse-case scenarios and look for emergency exits just in case. But is it courage or faith that he shows up every day? And maybe one day he won’t be afraid.
After the nice steaming hot shower, and changing into your new-ish clothes, you yell Joel’s name to tell him it’s his turn. He proceeds to go into the bathroom and you go downstairs to see Ellie messing with the piano keys, you gently tap her shoulder and she looks up at you with adorable eyes full of wonder, “Scoot over.” The kid moves and you sit down on the piano bench next to her, you mumble, “I’m surprised it’s still tuned after all these years.” Ellie’s ears perk up, “You know how to play?” and you tilt your head to the left, “Just enough to impress friends now and then.” She smiles, “Can you show me? Please?”
Your mouth pinches in thought, wondering which song you could play, “Hrm, I guess I could. But you might not recognize this piece of music since it was never released here.” She nods excitedly, “It’s no big deal. I need to hear you sing since you keep humming all the time.” You roll your eyes at that, “Okay, okay.”
You ready yourself, comfortably slouched, and your head down. Your fingers glide over the keys and you begin to sway as you play the starting notes of Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’. “When the rain is blowing in your face. And the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace. To make you feel my love,” You sang softly as your fingers continued to dance over the ivory keys, your spirit became virtually an allure with each small sway of your head and body. Joel silently walks down the stairs, enchanted and allured by your melodious voice. He leans on the frame of the foyer, slicked back salt and pepper hair, and currently has the softest eyes for you.
“The storms are raging on the rollin' sea. And on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free… You ain't seen nothing like me yet.” You sang and the buildup as it developed into a slow roll that shattered into the souls of everyone who listened like a tremendous tsunami. Joel and Ellie were entranced by the enticing music emanating from your voice, resulting in a tranquil silence. The lyrics soared and swelled from the depths of your spirit as if everyone in that room could sense your hope and affection. Your love became their love, and the audience and singer became one.
“I could make you happy, make your dreams come true… Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love. To make you feel my love.” You vocalized and slowly stopped playing on the ivory keys, letting out a sigh of relief you turn to Ellie who is in awe of your talent and skill. “Damn, I wish we could bring this with us.” She says and you throw your head back in laughter, your shoulder moving as you catch your breath, “Joel would break his back carrying this thing.”
“You callin’ me old, sweetheart?” Joel says smugly, you and Ellie swiftly turn to look behind you, to find him relaxed, happy, and all cleaned up. You can feel your body begin to burn in embarrassment and attraction to the pet name he called you. Including the fact, he’s pulling off the wet look pretty damn fucking well. Ellie saves you from having to explain yourself and comments on his appearance, “Well, don’t you look pretty.”
That brings him back to reality and begins to become grumpy old Joel once more, “Shut up.” He mutters and then tosses her a stick of deodorant which she catches. The kid looks at it and comments, “Nice,” then proceeds to get up from the bench with you following after the both of them.
You make your way to the blue Chevy S-10, Ellie goes to the front passenger seat but Joel clicks his tongue, “Go sit in the back, Ellie.” She groans and as she was about to walk to the back of the Chevy you shake your head, “It’s okay, you can take it for the meantime, I suspect you haven’t been in a car before.” And Ellie is practically vibrating with joy as she hops inside the car, Joel looks at you from the rearview mirror and you give a thumbs up while Ellie continues to explore parts of the car, “It’s like a spaceship,” she says and you hide a laugh while Joel mumbles, “It’s like a piece of shit Chevy S-10 but it’ll get us there.” And after a moment he adds, “I think.”
Joel begins to put on his seatbelt and he tells Ellie to do the same, but she only gives him a perplexed look, which he then shows her and she clicks it in place while smiling, “So cool.”
He turns the key and the engine rives to life, Ellie opens the glove compartment and finds a cassette tape, he glances at her, “Would you leave it?” Ellie gives him a cheeky grin to slide it into the radio. “Put it back. Ellie.” Joel states in a serious tone. Linda Ronstadt’s ‘Long Long Time’ begins to play, the first ever song you hummed a couple of days ago. You look out the window to the left, Joel and Ellie converse as you tune out the rest of the world, only listening to the music. You hear the buzzing of the gate open and Joel drives into the open road, and the lovely voice of Linda Ronstadt reminds you that love will transcend into every universe, and the thought of that lulls you to gently close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep.
Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter
End Notes: (Idk do people read this? Btw this is lengthy since lol almost 10k words o-o)
Yes, Type 9 is The Runner-away-er of Conflict… hecking I had this whole argument planned out at first, all the yelling and fighting between the reader and Joel and nearly going through with that concept, but in the end decided against it. Because to me, it felt too soon. It wouldn’t progress the story forward, it would have just taken twenty steps back lmao. Joel is the type to keep going, to keep moving cuz he has to. So him reminiscing would be out of character and the reader getting mad and confronting him wOULD ALSO BE OUT OF CHARACTER LMAO
Anyways, as you read, I ended up giving them a moment to mourn and talk it out, because I felt like you needed to hear those words too. Do not throw away your life just to make someone happy. That’s destructive.
I tried my best to write about grief this chapter, and had to rewatch Episode 3 to put myself through the torture again hooray! Towards the end, you can see my writing become somewhat poetic(?) but honest. I didn’t want to extremely exaggerate it but just enough to hopefully make u cry a bit. If you did cry pls tell me, it tells me that I wrote okay enough for you to cry)
But I also wanted it to give you some hope and to remind you that you are a light in many people's lives I promise.
Furthermore, I lowkey procrastinated on this chapter, I was hoping it would be out by Wednesday but the new Hogwarts Legacy game has me in a chokehold so I 1000% got distracted!
OFF TO EPISODE 4 I GOOOO I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING UR COMMENTS MWA ILY <3
Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?
Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, Angst, Fluff, Guns, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Swearing, Reader wants to sacrifice herself, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing
Word Count: 4.8k
A/N: Holy shit there are so many of you sjdfhgsk AHHHH thank you so much for all the notes and comments, I appreciate it! Here’s a little bit of info for you to understand a little bit of my thought process. In my outline, the reader is an Enneagram Type 9: The Peacekeeper. (This helps me add a little bit of depth to you so I don’t feel entirely lost when writing) if she seems “passive” or “complacent” it’s cause she wants everything to go smoothly and be without conflict. I’d like to believe there’s a little part of us that prefer to avoid tension, due to the fear of loss and separation from the people or things you love. I’ll go a little bit more in-depth about this in the story as it progresses. Hope you enjoy!
Song: evermore (feat. bon iver) by Taylor Swift
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TLOU WORLD – 2023
BOSTON - NOON
You walk along the ruins of a long-abandoned Boston with an overpowering sense of dread. It feels like the build-up of a song in which you know the tune, the lyrics, and the beat. Strings of violins, drums, and bells ring and thump in your mind, unwanted and uncaring of how you feel. This curse of knowledge you never asked for but which you carry follows you as the four of you approach the Bostonian Museum. Creeper vines and Cordyceps grow on the sides of the building, marked by conspicuous veins and all-consuming every red brick of this once-beautiful structure.
The four of you stand outside the entrance of the museum. Cordyceps consume every part of the foundation, Ellie tilts her head to look up at it appalled, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You stand next to Joe, using your hand to rub your right eye, and mumble, “Shit.”
“Well, there’s a way across from the top floor,” Tess says while moving to place her hands in the pockets of her pants. Ellie sarcastically replies, “Well, then I guess it’s fine.” Tess reassures her by adding, “We use to take it all the time.”
Ellie answers, “Okay.” Joel leaves your side and approaches a dry vein of the Cordyceps, removing the rifle he stole from the FEDRA guard, he crouches and touches a part of it to check if it was still active. He swings downward, hits the vein with the butt of the gun, and a puff of dust releases from the dead fungi, he stands to walk over to Tess, “It’s bone dry. It could mean they’re all finally dead in there.”
Tess nods, then they both kneel to prepare their flashlights and weapons, just in case. You and Ellie watch them both rummage through their backpacks, “Oh, man,” the kid mutters.
Joel whips out a flashlight and waves it at Ellie, “Marlene pack you one of these or just sandwiches?” She removes her backpack, “Yeah,” and pulls out her flashlight. Joel looks to you, “Catch, hummin’ bird.” That was the only warning he gave you before tossing you the flashlight, “Luckily, I have a spare.”
You’re short of breath as you hear the nickname he gave you. Miraculously, caught it with both hands, and without even thinking you wink, “Thanks, cowboy.” Thankfully, no one says anything about your quip directed at him.
“Okay, so… more ground rules.” Tess announces and turns to Ellie, “We’re gonna go slowly. If we come up against anything you get behind us and you stay there, okay?” The young girl nods and wears her backpack, “Yes.” Tess brings out her handgun and flashlight, positioning her hands in a way that she can use both. Ellie glances at the gun she’s holding, “I have a spare hand.”
Joel is unamused by what she is insinuating, dryly replies, “Congratulations.” He walks forward with determination, he pokes his head through the door to do an initial check before turning around to nod at the three of you to signal it’s clear. Reluctantly, you follow them inside, your mind has kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out a way to get past this with zero casualties. If you sacrifice yourself, would that change the ending? Would it buy Tess a little more time? This might be your grand attempt to do something right and kind without assurance, without the promise of an afterlife.
Flashlights dance and shine around the walls of the abandoned museum, you watch your step and try to calm the beating of your heart as you look at the artifacts left behind. You navigate through the hallways and come across a corpse of an infected deceased. Joel shines his flashlight on the fungi, “Yeah, cooked.” Tess exhales, “Finally, some fucking luck.” Ellie steps a little closer to investigate the remains of what was once human, Joel continues, “I guess we should’ve gone this way in the first place.”
You were so caught up in trying to ground yourself in the reality of all of this, that this is actually happening, that you forgot to at least warn them about the Clickers they were about to face in a couple of moments. Just as Ellie was about to turn a corner, you whisper loudly to her, “Ellie wait!”
Too fucking late. “Oh shit,” Ellie exclaims with wide eyes, and Joel makes a move to inspect what she found. A dead bruised, bloodied, young man slouched against the corner. Ellie’s eyes were full of shock, “What the fuck did that?”
Joel and Tess look at each other knowingly, and you finally decide to speak up, for her and theirs, “Whatever you’re about to say or hope for, don’t bother.” The three of them turn to look at you and you decide to continue in an audible whisper, “I wasn’t sure if I could or should warn you, but we need to stay quiet from now on.” You gather your courage to look directly at Joel with an unwavering stare, “It’s exactly what you suspect it is.”
“Are you saying an infected did that?” Ellie whispers to the three adults, and she resumes, “Because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Joel looks at you and he can see the way your face twists, your lips curled downwards, and your eyes show your remorse and guilt, he whispers to everyone, “Okay, from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” Ellie looks at him concerned and confused, “What?” But Joel shakes his head, “No. No questions. Just do it.”
This is it. You think to yourself as you will your feet to move, continuing, you follow Joel and Ellie up the stairs with Tess trailing behind. You remember when you could cover your eyes to the scary moments of the show, you could press pause, or fast forward, not needing to witness and feel the distress and panic.
The quiet creak of each floorboard of the steps as your boots land on the rotting wood, it groans all of your weight and dust falls from the ceiling. You all stop silently, waiting for any indication of an infected discovering that all of you were in the museum. After a moment, Joel looks back at you, a silent way of asking if it’s okay, you throw him a bone and give him a tiny spoiler, then you nod at him. And all four of you continue up the stairs.
As you make the first landing of the steps, you shine your flashlight to meet a horrifying view. Multiple corpses of people who were infected with Cordyceps lay on the wooden floors. It’s unspeakable and all-consuming, the silence overwhelms your system, there is a sudden tightness in your chest, and feel a part of your mask slip, your eyes shift and move to look at the pile of bodies. Organs and parts that were once human, were scooped out and transformed into fungi.
Your mouth opens silently, quivering as you do, and you lightly shake your head. Joel steps over the rotting fungi, just as you were about to grab Ellie and warn her about what she couldn’t see, you were too late. Again. A satisfying crunch could be heard throughout the building and you squeeze your eyes shut in fear for a moment then you reopen them. Joel whips around to look at Ellie with annoyance, the kid gives him an apologetic look.
Thankfully, you managed to make it up the steps with no more issues. Joel slowly opens the door to Independence Hall, and the wood gives a quiet creak. He quickly scans the area before deciding to nod at all of you, telling you it’s clear.
With your foresight and knowledge of events that had already happened in your time, you decide to act accordingly and give a hard shove to both Tess and Ellie inside the Hall and quickly follow after, gravity takes place and parts of the museum collapse, pieces of wood and cement block the doors. You were trapped.
Tess and Ellie push themselves off the ground, but you take a little longer to get up. You scraped your arms and hands, and the pain in your head came back. Joel quickly and quietly helps Ellie up then realizes you haven’t moved yet. He immediately makes his way to you, lightly shaking you to get up, you blink back the blurry black spots that are forming in your eyes and stand up with his help, both of his hands on the underside of your forearms.
You squint and slowly look up at him, and for what felt like a second, you see the worry that lines his face. Concern and need to protect you, even though you’re just a stranger. The moment doesn’t last long, you hear the familiar sound of screeching in the room adjacent to you. Flashlights shine in the direction of the noise and you hold your breath as all of you walk backward, keeping your eyes on the monster that emerges from the shadows. The twitchy movements are followed by the croaky noises of the infected, it tries to navigate, searching for its next prey. And on queue, the other Clicker screeches, indicating that there are two of them. This is no longer a museum, it’s a fucking horror house and all of you are in for the worst experience of your life.
You are now surrounded by predators, and prey, playing a twisted game of hide and seek. You press your back against the glass of the cabinet, Tess to your right, Ellie to your left, and Joel being the farthest left. He gestures to his eyes and ears, quietly mouthing, “They can’t see, but they can hear.”
The creature groans and croaks, clicking sounds from its throat. It’s right behind the glass, your eyes drift to the monster and see its jerky movements. You bring your eyes to look at Joel, he lifts his pointer finger to his lips, indicating to be incredibly still and silent. Fear is the darkness and the unknown, a hard-to-shake feeling, it overstays its welcome and leaves you panting.
Tess watches the monster make its way around the corner, limping and shaky. Ellie closes her eyes to try and control her breathing, and you get yourself ready for the fight you never wished for. ‘Why is it always so fucking dark?’ You wonder inside your head, The Clicker comes into view, and you hear an audible gasp come from Ellie. Shit.
The creature turns in your direction at full tilt, mouth wide open with its yellowing teeth, and gives the loudest high-pitch screech. Joel sprays bullets into the Clickers’ chest, but it fights back, he looks in your direction and yells out, “Run!”
The second clicker begins to sprint toward you and Tess shoots at it but the bullet misses. Tess grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, while you run with them. The four of you get separated, Tess trips and so do you and Ellie, she yells out to tell her, “Run… Run!”
Ellie crawls her under a table and finds her way out, while the Clicker runs after Tess. You are now at a crossroads, Joel is running at the other end of the exhibit while Tess heads in the opposite direction. You swiftly make a split-second decision and duck, right behind Ellie under the table, however, you do not crawl away, instead, you wait for the Clicker to run by you and quietly get up to follow after Tess. This is your chance to make things right, to ensure she doesn’t get bitten. Will this cost you your life?
You grab an ax hanging from the wall and run to the other side of the room, you hold it with both hands and feel the sweat coating your skin. You turn a corner and see Tess pinned up against the wall, the creature feasting on her neck, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach, and you let out a scream, “No!”
The creature quickly turns and shrieks at you, angry for interrupting its meal, now it begins sprinting towards you, and the adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream and system. The anger starts to flare in your chest, the silence grows louder along with the ringing in your ears. You stand unwavering and with the courage that has been asleep for so long, it awakens at the right time.
Aiming directly at its head, you throw the axe with everything you have. It lands on a portion of its mushroom-infected face. Yet, it only slows the creature down a second, screaming and swinging its long mutated arms, and tries to locate you, but, it hears the commotion in the other room, loud pops of a revolver can be heard and you assume it’s Joel killing the other Clicker.
The abomination of what once was human turns and screeches at Joel and Ellie, it scampers towards them and you feel the pulse in your veins like a fighter, you fight the fear and let the rush take over, you sharply glance at the handgun Tess had dropped during the chaos and without hesitation, you pick it up and pray it still has some bullets in the chamber.
This was a skill you wished you never had to use. All those days in the range were just a precaution, the world is not kind to women, and you learned to protect yourself just in case. It meant only using a gun when you or the people you loved were in danger.
Using one hand, you swiftly remove the safety with your thumb, aim, and shoot at the head of the Clicker. With three loud pops and then a fourth one for good measure, the monster falls to its knees and on the ground.
Dead.
Blood oozes from the infected’s head, and you stand there watching the crimson splatter grow larger. Tess appears from the archway and takes in the vision before her. You turn to aim the gun at her, your fight instincts kick in, still high from the adrenaline, and you stand there breathing heavily.
Joel yells out your name. You blink once, then twice. A beat passes, and you don’t register Joel approaching you in a calm slow manner, his arm stretched out with his palm facing you, treating you as if you were a frightened animal, now he places his hand on top of yours, a touch so gentle you barely register it. Carefully and steadily he takes away the gun in your hand and turns the safety on before handing it to Tess, which she slowly takes, while you let it happen.
Your vision is blurry and tries to swallow away your guilt. You were too late. You couldn’t save her. Joel says your name again, he’s in front of you now, his frame covering and protecting Tess, but he has replaced the gun you once held, with his hand. Ellie watches the events unfold from the side, not wanting to create any more noise or movement. He squeezes your hand and whispers, “It’s okay… It’s okay.”
It’s not, but his voice brings you back anyway. You look to Tess, your eyes full of sorrow, and your voice quivers as you speak, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tess nods knowingly, she swallows her pride and sadness to say, “It’s okay. You tried… um, thank you.”
Her words completely snap out of your trance, and you see the world a little clearer now. You nod back at her, then bring your eyes to Joel, who is still holding your hand. His eyes dance around, observing and taking note of every detail of your face. You’re the first to break the staring contest, realizing that Tess doesn’t have a lot of time. You step back away from him, dropping his hand, “We should get going.”
Joel turns to Tess, “You all right?” She nods, “Twisted ankle, but yeah.” She limps over to Ellie, “You all right?”
“Well, I didn’t shit my pants, so…” Ellie says and pulls up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal a bite from the infected. “You fucking kidding me?” she exclaims and turns to look at Joel, “I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.”
Tess stays silent at that, glancing at you to keep your mouth shut. You give a discreet nod in response, Tess calls out to Joel, “Hey. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Joel pushes the window up and opens, stepping out onto the roof, Ellie follows and you do too, leaving Tess for last, who plops down to rest her ankle, “Fuck.”Joel kneels and opens his pack to give Ellie a bandage, “Put this around your arm.” She takes it and says, “Thanks.” You watch as Ellie makes her way to a wooden plank, makeshift bridge, “Over there?” Joel glances over while continuing to fuss over Tess, “Yeah, I know it looks scary.”
“That was scary. This is wood.” Ellie states and proceeds to walk across the wood plank to get to the other building’s roof. Joel watches in disbelief and hollers, “Just wait there. Give us a minute.” He turns to look at you, “Can you go make sure she’s…” You only nod, knowing that Joel and Tess need to talk, you look at the wood plank they call a bridge and mumble to yourself, “If the way I die is falling from a high place, so be it.”
You walk across with no problem and catch up to Ellie, “Hey,” you say as you stand by her and take in the view. “What happened to you back there?” Ellie asks, the wind blowing strands of hair away from her face. You huff, “I don’t know. The adrenaline took over, I guess.”
You both stand in silence now, then you can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel walking up to the right of Ellie, she merely glances at him and then turns back to see the State House in the distance, glittering under the sunlight. “Is it everything you hoped for?” Joel asks her, Ellie blinks but answers him, “Jury’s still out. But, man you can’t deny that view.”
You hear Tess approaching from behind, eager to keep moving, “Come on, let’s get there before it’s dark.” She turns and then climbs a ladder down, letting out a groan of pain no one question or brings up. Joel nods at Ellie to follow Tess which he does, you look at Joel as Ellie climbs down. And you held his gaze for a moment, then look to his broken watch, before climbing down after the young kid.
Leaves crunch with every step you take, Tess lightly limping ahead, she turns to look at you, and you could only stare back. Tess looks straight ahead once more, and you can’t help but wonder about the violence of the dog days and what could get you through this. You see the State House from a distance, a hauntingly beautiful sight, creeper vines growing on the pillars and sides of the edifice.
The group decides to hide behind an abandoned car near the state house, and immediately could tell that something was very wrong, “Where the fuck are they?” Tess harshly states, Joel, shakes his head and decides to go check the truck parked outside by the steps of the ruined State House.
Joel walks over cautiously to the door of the truck, he swings it open to aim his rifle at it, only for the seats to be empty. Joel sees the blood splattered on the sides of the door, and turns to mouth at you all, “Stay back.” He rounds the side of the truck and notices a recently deceased, he continues to the back of the truck, swinging the giant blue metal doors, to confront no one.
You follow Ellie and Tess as she demands, “Joel, what the fuck is going on?” Joel shakes his head, “I don’t know.”
No longer wanting to play along, you look down to see a trail of blood up the steps and into the State House, you hear someone call your name, but say nothing as you walk up to the doors of the building. You push your way through, briskly walking to the center of the structure, and you take a good look at the multiple dead people scattered on the ground. You shake your head and close your eyes, “Fuck.”
You hear the three come in after you and they notice immediately what happened, Tess goes into a panic, “Okay. I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She proceeds to open the kit boxes that contain nothing but supplies, searching for anything that could help them win.
“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks, and you reply, “No,” you nod to the man on the ground, Joel rolls him over with his boot and you continue, “One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost.”
Joel’s nostrils flared as he stared at you, “You knew? You knew and didn’t even bother to warn us that this was all for nothin’?” You raised your chin, “They were already dead hours before we got here.” His jaw clenched while you stood, fists clenched by your sides, and rolled your shoulders back, glaring at Joel.
Joel calls out to Tess, “Tess, what are you doing?” She ignores him and approaches Ellie, “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you?” Ellie responds unsure, “Uh, I don’t know. Just west.”
“Just west. Fuck. okay. Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” Tess then goes to search one of the deceased Firefly’s pockets, “Joel, can you help me?”
“No.” He fumed, “Tess, it’s over. We are going home.”
“That’s not my fucking home!”
You let the exchange happen, while you move to one of the kits to retrieve a handgun, some ammo, and a small first-aid kit, and steal a backpack sitting on top of the chairs to shove all your supplies inside. Then, you hear Tess say the words you knew would happen, “I’m staying. I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.”
“Fuck.” Ellie whispers, “She’s infected.”
Tess sighs, and Joel’s eyes hardened and narrowed into slits, “Show me.” She takes a step forward and whispers his name, only for him to take a step back. Tess then steps back, anguish splashes across her face, then pulls the collar of her shirt and jacket, to reveal the growing infection on her neck, “Oops, right? And don’t bother taking it against her,” Tess gestures to you, “She did everything she could to save me, but I guess fate had already cut my string.”
Joel takes in a breath of disbelief while Tess looks to Ellie, “Take your bandage off.” Which she does to reveal no evidence of infection, just a new scar on her forearm to add to her collection. Tess makes her way to Ellie and holds her arm, “Look. Joel? This is real.” She drags Ellie closer to him, “Joel, she’s fucking real.” Her grip suddenly becomes twitchy and she wills her hand to stop shaking and hides it behind her back, she stares directly into the eyes of whom she once loved, “I need you to get her to Bill and Frank’s.”
Joel is shaking his head as he replies, “No.” But Tess continues to speak, “They’ll take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.”
“No… I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not gonna take her.” He says and you watch each part you knew to unfold, Tess whispers to him, “They will because you’ll convince them. Yes, you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…”
“No.” He stubbornly states, but Tess lets the tears stream down her face and exclaims, “Now, you shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.”
He grants her request and listens, “This is your chance. You get her there. You keep her alive and you set everything right. All the shit we did.” Joel shakes his head as Tess begs, “Please say yes, Joel. Please.”
Despite the somber mood, a screech from one of the corpses has come to life and taken its revenge on the living, Ellie screams out, “Oh, fuck!” But your reaction time is faster this time, and you no longer hesitate as you walk towards the parasite, remove the safety of the gun and shoot it point blank in the head. Joel comes up behind you, and takes notice of what you’re staring at, the Cordyceps patch has awakened the rest of the infected and you hear the croaks and shrieks from outside of the State House.
Joel runs up to one of the doors to check how many are on the way, he shuts the door and locks it after making out the horde approaching. “How many?” Tess asks, Joel walks past her, “All of ‘em. Maybe a minute.”
Tess takes one of the rifles off of the floor and uses the butt of the gun to remove the lid on the fuel barrels. She pushes it to the floor, and the clear yellow liquid pours out of it and coats the floor. You help and do the same to the other barrel, knowing how this will end for Tess. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks, watching you and Tess scatter grenades on the ground, “Making sure they don’t follow you.”
Tess then approaches Joel, breathless and shaking, “Joel. Save who you can save.”
He clenches his jaw and his nostrils flared, angry, confused, upset, everyone he ever loved leaves or dies. He stares at her, soaking in her image as much as he can, and then he makes his decision. He quickly grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, her protests can be heard as it fades away around the corner, she punches his arm to try and break loose but he’s much stronger, “No! We’re not leaving her! Get off me, you fucker!”
Tess says your name and you turn to face her, “You weren’t lying? About the whole different universe thing?” You can only shake your head in response, hoping she can see your heart breaking into pieces.
Tess hums and gives you a small smile, “Take care of them for me, please? Especially Joel. Stubborn as a mule but you’ll learn to love him, just like I did.” You decide to grant the woman her dying wish, you nod and whisper, “Goodbye, Tess.”
You turn to run and didn’t look back, pushing out of the wooden doors, while tears stream down your face slightly obscuring your vision. But you manage to catch up with Joel and Ellie, as you did, the blast from the State House is sudden and loud. The smell of burning kerosine fills the air and you turn to look back at the raging fire, Joel turns and points his rifle at the area, ready to shoot just in case, only to hear screeching and the infected burning on the steps of the building.
You stare and one-half of your senses silently wish Tess would walk out, but you can no longer rewind, she’s gone. Ellie pants, trying to catch her breath, tears rimming her eyes and Joel lowers his rifle to turn away from the roaring flames. You and Ellie turn to watch his lone silhouette walk away from you both.
A/N: WELL that’s the end of Episode 2! Lowkey was fighting invisible demons to get this chapter edited and out bcs I wanted to improve on describing movement, anger, sorrow, etc. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT T^T but I hope I didn’t disappoint ya’ll <3 ALSO YEP MHM TAGLIST! Send me an ask so I can add ya! It’ll stay open for a tiny period of time so send away :D
I’m proud of you for doing the right thing by trying to save Tess! Even though we all know you secretly admire Joel and would have chased after him to ensure his safety with Ellie. hehehehehe
Yes, the reader only knows everything up to Episode 3, meaning she has no clue about the rest of the show! She knows (most) parts of the video game but alas we know Television series like to change things so she’s lowkey fucked lol
I LIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS ya’ll crack me up and have the best reactions. Thank you for your support and love. I’ll try and get the next chapter out soon!
Based off - Episode Two
Pairing - Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings - Implications of sex, violence, language (let me know if I’ve missed anything)
Words - 12K
A/n - I’m planning on writing each chapter as each episode comes out. And I’m hoping to always have them posted on a Monday!
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Masterlist
2007
Sure it wasn't the squeaky clean hospital and labs she was once used to (despite the fact they were all suddenly much more aware of germs), but it was what to be expected. Y/n had what they could find or what they could make and she made due. Only problem being knowing exactly what you needed to save someone who was ill from something disconcerting the outbreak, and not having that something to hand.
Which was why she much preferred appointments like these. The less devastating ones. The ones which she could prescribe some on-demand painkillers. "Joel Miller?" She called, leant against her desk as dark-haired man stood between this office of hers and the doorway.
He flashed a grin, scanning his surroundings before his gaze fell to Y/n. "That would be me." The girl returned the smile, putting her notebook to the side which she had been reading from. When she looked back up, she found Joel walking further into the room, still seemingly amazed by what was around him. "See they brought in a load of nice, shiny supplies for the new doctor."
"Not just a doctor." Y/n spoke as she gestured to the hospital bed that was situated by the window, "Take a seat, please Joel." He did so, quietly as he observed her closely. She put on clear plastic gloves as she stood in front of the man, a grin still hanging from her lips as he looked up at her through narrowed eyes like he was trying to work something out. "I'm also a scientist."
"Scientist?" He reiterated. "But you're a doctor too right? You know how to do doctor-things?" He didn't realise until the words left his mouth how stupid he must have sounded. Especially in front of someone like her.
"Bachelor's degree in biomedical science. That's what makes me qualified enough today to treat you." Joel nodded but chose to keep his lips shut this time in case words just slipped from his tongue without intention. "Now, what exactly am I treating today?"
Joel only needed to raise his hand, displaying the bruised and bulging wound which burdened his knuckles. "I mean, I don't have a biomedic-whatever, but I'm pretty sure it's broken." Y/n delicately took a hold of the battered hand, inspecting it.
She glanced back up at him and a smile grew at her lips. "Almost." She dropped his hand and wandered over to a supply cupboard, rummaging through it as she continued on. "Your actual hand isn't broken." She started to explain before returning to the man with several supplies he didn't bother to take note of.
"Okay, then what is?" He questioned.
Once more, Y/n took his hand. And with her index finger, she pointed to the dark purple, almost black swelling that lined two of his fingers. "This here. This is broken. Small bones on your fingers which will likely repair themselves over time." She informed, always making sure she stole a glance at him. And always finding that his eyes were already trained on her. "You don't have any need to write or anything?"
He shook his head, "Not anymore, no."
"Good. It shouldn't cause you too much trouble then." She said before her finger moved down to the man's knuckles which were too littered in cuts and dark circles. "This here, this part of your knuckle, looks to be sprained. Not bruised, probably just sprained."
When she looked to him, she found his brows raised. "Probably?"
"You see an X-ray machine around here?"A lack of equipment the girl could deal with for appointments like these. "It's likely your hand will repair on its own. But, for now, I can tape your fingers up."
She was already reaching over to the supplies she had brought from the cupboard. Some cleaning wipes, a bit of cloth and tape. "And this 'll fix 'em?" Joel asked as the doctor took ahold of the two broken fingers.
Y/n placed them close together with the cloth on the back of the fingers. "It'll help your body fix them, yes." She said, tapping the two together carefully as to not harm the man more so.
A small snicker left Joel's lips, "It's a bit of tape." He thought aloud, meeting her pooling gaze that seemed to keep him trapped here with her - not that Joel was complaining.
"Trust me," She started in a hushed tone, "That's all you need."
She finished bandaging up his fingers, slowly removing her touch from his, leaving the man yearning for the feeling once again. "So, no painkillers?" He pushed his luck once her back was turned, scribbling something down that he couldn't see.
Though, his words had earnt a small laugh from the woman as she flicked her head back around at him, "No painkillers." She finished writing before finally turning to face him, a glint of curiosity in her eye. "But, if it looks to be getting infected, come right back here, alright?"
"And then you'll give me some painkillers?"
"Well, I won't be now." She replied with a grin hanging at her lips. "Could I ask you something Joel?"
The man wasn't sure where she was going with that. But, still, he hummed, nodded his head and mumbled something along the line of, "Sure."
And Y/n went with it. "How many hours of sleep are you getting?"
Truth was, Joel was expecting something more like when are you free? Or, what are you doing tonight? "Well, that depends. If the couple in the apartment next to me are feeling excitable, then 4 hours. If the roof looks like its about to crumble again, 3. And sometimes, though, only on rare occasions, 6 when none of the above takes place." He informed with a light-heartedness to his tone.
"So not enough sleep then?" She questioned.
Joel shrugged at that; he hadn't a clue how many hours people were supposed to get at the end of the world. "I mean, if you're offering to give some methods of relaxation, I wouldn't be opposed." The smirk on his lips was drooling in pride and truthfully, Y/n didn't want to break that pride.
"Not quite." The smirk faded. Y/n took a grasp of a murky bottle and wandered back over to the man. "There not painkillers, alright? But they should help with the sleeping." She advised, handing them over to Joel as he started to inspect them for himself. "I would also recommend requesting a new apartment too if it looks like the roof is about to cave in."
He didn't glance up from the bottle as he responded, "I've tried, don't you worry." The man finally stood, almost too close, shoving the pills into his back pocket. "Thanks for the check up, Doc."
"Of course." He was about turn and leave but Y/n couldn't seem to help herself. "And Joel," The man noted her hesitation. "I may not have a psychology degree, but if there's anything you want to talk about-"
He interjected before she could continue, "That's alright." A smile flashed at his lips. Though, it was one of which Y/n could tell was forced. Joel started walking, peering over as he spoke, "I'll be alright." He assured.
She never broke eye contact. Not even when she followed up with, "Just needing to find some relaxation methods?" And then, at Y/n's lips, there was that smirk. The same smirk Joel had once held.
The man stood in the door way, deabting for a long moment as to what his final words would be to this woman he already seemed to be awing over. "It'd be nice to start getting as much as my neighbours do." And like that, with one final grasp of eye contact, Joel turned his back and exited the building. With a stitched up hand, a bottle of sleeping pills and the yearning ideas of this doctor he left.
Y/n knew after that encounter that Joel Miller was someone she was going to see again.
Y/n awoke to the feeling of being watched. It took her a moment after her eyelids fluttered open to adjust to the sight looming over her. She noted the two figures. Though, it was only when she processed the rifle pointed between her eyes that she jumped. "Jesus, Joel!" She snapped, loud enough to stir the sleeping girl next to her.
Him and Tess were seated on two battered chairs, staring ever so menacingly at her and Ellie. Y/n pulled herself to sit up, Ellie doing the same as she turned to find the gun still pointed right at them. "Morning." She scoffed.
Though it wasn't until Ellie went to get up that the rifle followed her. Joel wasn't threatening Y/n, no, he was threatening Ellie, the girl with the infected bite, the girl who should be dead. Ellie sat back down nd Y/n's stare turned just as menacing as theirs. "Joel." She seethed, her gaze flickering to Tess, only to find she had no intention on helping her; what a surprise.
"Do I look like I'm infected?" Quipped the young girl who's only armour right now was Y/n's body.
"Show us your arm." Joel demanded.
Ellie looked to Y/n first as if silently asking permission. Only once the woman had nodded her head, did she roll her sleeve up, showcasing the white scar which painted her skin. It was rigid and bumpy, but it wasn't bright yellow or red, it wasn't what it should be. Both Joel and Tess suddenly took interest in the mark, "Yeah." Said Ellie. "It's not getting any worse, is it?"
Y/n tilted her head at the pair, "Why else do you think were moving her?" That question seemed to evoke thought as the two looked to another, a similar expression shared between them.
"If we're in open city, why aren't we getting swarmed?" Wondered Ellie as her innocent eyes scanned their surroundings.
"Don't worry about that." Joel snapped, determined to keep on topic.
Though, Ellie still raised a brow and said, "Well, I'm gonna." And Y/n couldn't disagree with that.
Tess looked to Y/n, hands in her pockets and settled in narrow eyes as the cogs in her brain started to turn. "What were you and Marlene doing with an infected kid?" She inquired.
With a gun still pointed at her, Y/n only felt inclined to answer. "Why do you think, Tess?" Her hand gestured to the girl. The perfectly normal, the perfectly healthy girl. "Does she look infected to you?" That didn't seem enough for either of them, still staring blankly. So Y/n huffed and continued to hand out information, "Look, Marlene found her after she got bit."
"And she didn't shoot her?" Joel uttered, harshly.
"Clearly not." Ellie answered before Y/n had the chance to.
"Marlene got a message to me when she realised Ellie was turning into one of them." Y/n went on to explain.
A scoff left Tess' lips, "And I bet FEDRA loved that their favourite doctor was working with the fireflies."
"You two aren't the only ones who know how to get around without being noticed." She replied as her expression turned stern. "I visited almost every other day to see if she was getting sick, checking her vitals, doing tests-"
Y/n was about to point out how Ellie was obviously not getting sick, but Tess cut in, "What tests?"
Her lips didn't move. A pause followed and neither Y/n or Tess looked like they were about to break. Then came Ellie's voice, "I need to pee." She voiced.
And so Tess leaned forward, not breaking her eye contact as even firmer, she asked, "What tests?"
There was no getting out this and Y/n knew it. The gun pointed at her head knew it too. "We'd get her to hold out her hand and keep it steady. Then she'd count to ten. Followed my blood pressure, temperature, every test that I could physically fit in that little bag over there." Y/n pointed to her backpack in the corner. While theirs were filled with food and weapons, all she had were basic medical supplies.
"Though," Ellie's voice rang again and Y/n knew what was about to follow was unlikely to help the current conversation. "I think what really impressed everyone was the fact I didn't turn into a fucking monster." Then she stood abruptly, the rifle following her. "Now, can I please?"
She didn't start walking until Tess said, "Fine." Then her eyes flickered to Y/n who still sat on the ground. "The adults can have a talk." She reached down, grasping a magazine which was soon thrown to the girl. "And here. Tear out a few pages."
Ellie caught in, stole one last glance before turning and wandering into another room. "There isn't gonna be anything bad in here, right?" She yelled.
"Just you." Joel commented as he and Tess stood from their seats.
A scoff came from Ellie, "Ha. Funny." And with that, she disappeared into the other room.
Y/n watched Ellie for as long as she could. Though, the woman wasn't sure if she did so in a want to protect the girl, or if she was just attempting to avoid what was about to come. Once Ellie exited the room completely, Y/n turned. And she turned slowly, finding the pair were towering over her. Lucky, Joel had ditched the rifle by now, letting it hang on the back of his chair. Not that it made his stare any less deathly.
Huffing, Y/n rose to her feet too, as if making herself known as one of the adults too. "What are you doing here, Y/n?" Joel questioned first.
"Didn't I just tell you?" She argued with a snap in her tone. "I'm here because she is." He gestured towards the room Ellie had wandered into. "And trust me," A scoff escaped her lips. "That was not apart of the plan."
"And what was the plan?" Asked Tess.
"None of your business."
"Alright," Tess shifted in her stance and Y/n grew nervous in the uncertainty of what was about to follow. "Whats actually up with her? Was she bitten?"
"Yes, but as you've both clearly just seen, she's not infected." Y/n reminded them.
But even with it right in front of them, they weren't convinced. "How do you know?" Tess pushed.
"How do I know?" A moment passed. Irritation bubbled in her gut. So much so, it urged her forward, a stern glare burning into the eyes of the other woman. "I may not be a smuggler, may not buy guns left, right and centre, but I do still have a biomedicine degree. And a forensic science honours degree and I was just about to get another one in neuroscience before the outbreak hit. I'm a certified genius whose been working as a doctor for the past 20 years. You'd think I know what the fuck I'm talking about."
This time, Tess was the one whose lips seemed sealed shut. A smile filled her expression in an attempt to fill the silence which followed. Y/n took a long exhale, letting her gaze wander, only to land on Joel's hand. The hand which was battered and bruised from killing the soldier. "Your hands broken." She soon pointed out before her eyes jumped back up to his.
Instinctively, his fist clenched. He shrugged it off in the face of Y/n, "It's just a hairline. It'll heal fast." He excused but if Y/n knew anything about Joel, it was his need to hide anyway any sign of weakness.
"Since when did you become a doctor?" She raised a brow at him and the man chose not to answer. Y/n was already walking over to her backpack as she continued on, "I didn't really have a chance to go home and pack, so all I have is this." She showcased the inside, the various machines and supplies. "If there's anything I can actually help with while were out here, it's making sure you all stay in one piece."
Joel's eyes flickered to Tess, silently asking if it were okay. She must have given an indication of permission as the man sat down and held out his palm. The girl kneeled down in front of him, grasping some wipes and tape as she started cleaning the blood which still littered his knuckles. "I think we should take her back to the QZ." Joel voiced, prompting both pairs of eyes to jolt to his. Though, Y/n found that Joel's gaze was centred on the other woman. "We find another way to get our battery."
"They'll kill her if you do that." Y/n told them.
And by the looks on their faces, that certainly wasn't a deal breaker for them. "Not really a priority for us." Joel replied.
"This is our best shot." Said Tess, leaning forward.
Y/n reached for the tape, having to cut it off with her bare teeth before applying it to Joel's fingers. "As long as you get her to that State House, I'll make sure Marlene gives you whatever you need."
Joel looked down at her, "You're talking about this kid as if she's got some kind of life in front of her."
And Y/n came with such a simple reply: "Because she does."
Timing seemed perfect as Ellie came back into the room, throwing the magazine to Tess. Y/n put her focus back to the man's hand, taping the two broken fingers together. "That should help it heal and make sure you don't do any further damage." Which, considering it was Joel, was likely to happen.
The woman shoved the supplies back into her bag, standing and walking back to where Ellie was seated. "You hungry?" Tess inquired as she sat back in her seat and rummaged through her own bag. "You can share some of ours."
"Thanks, but Marlene sent me with my own." And so Ellie pulled out a freshly baked sandwich as Joel and Tess chewed on their jerky.
With nothing but medical supplies, Ellie offered half her sandwich to Y/n. An offer of which she had accepted with much gratitude. "Is that chicken?" Tess thought aloud as the two savoured the food.
Ellie nodded, "Yeah." She seemed to look back at her sandwich to analyse it, "Marlene says she gets it from smugglers." Her eyes then jumped to the pair and her expression tightened. "Guess not you guys."
Her words only seemed to spark Tess as she stood from the chair, walking toward the two. In an act to combat whatever was about to follow, Y/n stood too. But Tess didn't look to Y/n, she just looked down at Ellie. "Why are you so important? And don't lie to me or we'll take you back." She threatened, shoving her hands into her pockets.
Not that such threat seemed to have any effect on the young girl. "You take me back, you don't get your battery."
"You heard that?"
Y/n glanced over at Joel as she reminded him once again, "I did warn you." Ellie may be young, but she was smart and definitely disliked the idea of not being in the know.
"Well then, you must have also heard that he wants to shoot you." Tess nodded her head back to the older man who didn't seem to break at such. Tess crouched down and Ellie nudged back a little, "I'm gonna talk to you like you're an adult, okay? Joel and I aren't good people like your nice doctor over here." Y/n stiffened, unsure as to where Tess was going with this lecture of her's. "We're doing this for us because apparently, you're worth something. But we don't know what you're worth if we don't know what we have. So, one of you is gonna answer my question."
The two looked to each other. Both as uncertain as each other. But Tess certainly wasn't one to give in. "She told us not to tell anybody..." Ellie whispered to herself, shaking her head.
To save the girl the torture of going against Marlene's orders, Y/n admitted it all instead. "I told Marlene about some doctors out West. They always had better supplies and lab environments than we did." She paused but Tess could read on her face there was more coming. Y/n just knew the reaction which was sure to follow. "They were able to start working on a cure-"
And that one. Just that one, four-letter word, ensured a reaction always. Whether positive and hopeful, or in the case of Joel Miller, pessimistic and dismissive. The second the word left Y/n's lips, a scoff came from his. "I've heard this before." His eyes were drawn on Y/n, referring to something only the two of them could recount.
"What happened to me-" Ellie went to start, but her words were cut short.
"Is the key to finding the cure." Joel finished for her. "That's what this? We've heard this a million times before. Vaccines. Miracle cures. None of it works." He stopped and his gaze met Y/n's again, practically stepping on that hope of hers until it faded into nothing. "Ever." He emphasised.
Ellie stood, abruptly. Even though she was much smaller, she had no trouble standing up to Joel. "Fuck you." She snapped. "I didn't ask for this."
"You and me both!"
Y/n stepped forward before the anger in the room could drown out the logic. "Look, I get that for the longest time, I had to have enough hope for the both of us. And yeah, some of it was bullshit and some of it was just a dead end. But this." She pointed back at Ellie. "This is real. And it's right in fucking front of you and you still deny it." The woman paused, suddenly aware of how close she was to Joel, how freely she was speaking and how intertwined it seemed their eyes were. So she gazed back at Tess too, "Both of you." She added, in hopes of covering up her mistake.
No one spoke. Not at first. It seemed everyone took a breath, everyone took a moment to fucking think for once instead of letting emotions guide them any which way. Y/n was awaiting their denial once more, their plans of killing Ellie or taking her back. Plans of which she knew she couldn't argue against anymore. She may be a genius, but there was no way she could protect the girl from those who held the guns and the muscle and the lack of morality when it came to hurting a young girl.
"Let's finish it." Y/n jolted around, staring at Tess in utter disbelief. A part of Y/n was convinced she had heard it wrong. "It doesn't matter if she is or isn't what the fireflies say. If they believe that she is, then we get what we want." And, in way, so did everyone else.
Joel looked between Tess, Ellie and Y/n. But he gave in, "If she so much as twitches-"
Ellie lacking such understanding of bad timing, decided it would be a good idea to do just that. Her shoulders tensed and she mustered out some croaky noises, somewhat resembling an infected. Y/n snapped her head to her, and in the most scolding mother voice she could gather, she said, "Ellie." It was a warning and a warning she listened to as she relaxed and the noises stopped.
Her head dropped and Y/n could have sworn she heard a, "Sorry." In her mumbles somewhere.
Y/n looked between Joel and Tess, brows raised as she asked, "Happy?"
It took them a moment, but Tess nodded, "Yeah."
"Then lets go."
They each disbanded, grabbing their individual bags, Joel making sure to grasp the rifle too. "Can I have a gun?" A voice queried behind Y/n.
In sync, there came multiple responses.
"Absolutely not."
"No!"
"Not happening."
All of which had done well to send Ellie a certain message. "Okay! Jesus!" She mumbled. "I'll just throw a fucking sandwich at them."
With that, they headed for the door. Everything they needed hung on their backs and once they left the room, security left them too.
They came out into the midst of fallen, rotting buildings, masked by the leaves which had littered the forgotten city. Y/n glanced back at Ellie, one hand on a bag strap as a smile came to her lips due to the amazement that fell to Ellie's expression. Y/n couldn't lie, despite all it's ugliness, there were parts of this new world that were natural in their beauty.
"Woah," Muttered Ellie as her feet dragged forward.
The other two gave the girl a look, peering between her utter stupefaction and the view settled in front of them. "Looks better in the daylight, huh?" Tess voiced.
Y/n nudged the young girl's shoulder, "Better than school?" She raised a brow.
Ellie took one last, long look at what was in front of her before nodding. "Definitely."
"We should get moving." Joel suggested. His stares around the city weren't in awe, but instead, they were stares of observation, of making sure there wasn't something lurking around the corner waiting to jump them all.
But they did as he said. Tess led the way, weaving through what was left of pavement and roads. "It's like a fucked up moon." Ellie said, bringing their gaze to the not-so-pretty part of the city. The gigantic creator hole in the middle of the road was certainly an eye-sore. "Is this where they bombed?" She questioned.
"Yeah." Tess answered as they slowed, all taking a peer over the hole. Well except, for Joel, who had just continued walking. "They hit most big cities like this. They had to slow the spread somehow." Y/n's gaze jumped back to Joel, various thoughts passed her mind. Various thoughts she didn't have the courage to voice. So rather, she started walking too. "Worked here. But it didn't in most places."
Not much further passed the hole, they came to the dead end. Two skyscrapers which had fallen in together, blocking the rest of the road. "Statehouse is across there." Y/n informed, slowly taking a glance at Tess who was already looking at her with her brows furrowed.
"Ten-minute walk if we go straight." The woman added. "If we could go straight."
"So?" Urged Ellie.
And for what seemed like the first time in the last twenty minutes, Joel added to the conversation, "Long way or short way?"
Tess tilted her head, "I mean, it's the long or the we're fucking dead way." No need to put it lightly.
"Well, I vote long way just based on that limited information." Ellie uttered.
Y/n nodded, "Looks like we all agree on something." She paused and glanced at Joel who was still silent. Though, his silence had been assumed agreement. "First time for everything."
"We have to check it from the hotel first." He planned. So it was the hotel they headed to.
Getting to the hotel meant going on the freeway. It was still littered with several cars. Many of which were nothing but junk now as they each slithered through them. Tess was still leading the way, Ellie now at her side, badgering the woman with questions. Y/n wouldn't have any complaints about such, apart from the fact that it then left her with Joel.
The two weren't side by side. Not really, close, but not side by side. They were silent. Any movements, any noise that came from either of them echoed. It was practically torture. And it didn't end until Joel finally spoke up. "Since when did you start working with the fireflies?"
There was an uncertainty to his voice. When Y/n glanced to him, there was an uncertainty in his pupils too. "I never had anything against them. If anything, I think a whole load of things would work better if we all actually worked together." She explained.
A scoff left the comfort of his lips, "And you really think that'll happen?"
Y/n kept walking, her gaze dropping to the ground, "I have hope, Joel, but I'm not delusional."
That seemed to prompt Ellie as she turned back around, walking backwards a little as a grin tugged at her lips. "Jurys still out on that one!" She giggled.
"Eyes forward you." Y/n instructed. "You don't wanna break your hand too, do you?" That seemed enough to urge the girl back around as she continued walking by Tess' side.
The pair seeped back into silence. Y/n's eyes were trained on the young girl in front of her, while Joel's kept stealing glances. It was as if they were learning new boundaries. Before now, their break up meant avoidance; couldn't avoid the woman who was living and surviving at his side now. For the first time in a long time, Y/n and Joel's goal matched. Sure, their motives for such goals were different, but it was a step.
"What happens when you go back?" Questioned Joel, breaking the suffocating quietness.
Her eyes met his, uncertain and wary. She shrugged, "I don't know." Her gaze drawn back to the road ahead. "I don't know if I can even go back." Y/n was sure there would be questions. Ones of which she probably couldn't answer, not without certain consequences.
"So what?" Joel pushed. "You've got to live somewhere."
"I know." A sigh left her lips. Between running away from that soldier and trying to survive, Y/n's future wasn't something her brain had the time to think about. "I think maybe- maybe I'll just stick by the kid."
Ellie was still stuck close by Tess' side, deep in a conversation. "I might be wrong here, but surely the certified genius should have a better role than the babysitter?" Y/n peered over at Joel and his raised brows.
"The certified genius isn't just babysitting, but protecting one of the best shots at the cure." She defended. And, as always, that word sparked a scoff from the man. "I'll be alright." Y/n said as if he must have been worried about her.
"Good." He uttered before nodding to the teenager walking in front. "She's gonna need you."
And without thinking, Y/n replied, "And you." When the words slipped from her lips, her eyes jolted to him. In a scramble to recover her slip-up, she went on, "I mean, I can fix broken bones, disease, whatever, but I'm a bit shitty at aiming a gun." Joel nodded as realisation sunk in. Though, he never replied. They didn't look back at one another, didn't say anything and instead, basked in the overwhelming silence.
Luckily enough, the silence didn't last for a prolonged time as they soon came up to the hotel.
Similar to the city, the structure of the building was still there. It was like a skeleton, with some lingering memories of what life used to be like: tables, chairs, even wine glasses still occupied parts of the hotel. But the main spectacle of this skeleton was the lobby. The lobby which was now more of a makeshift pond. A piano stuck in the middle of it, a reception desk which was surprisingly still standing and decaying walls.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Ellie exclaimed with excitement as she scanned over the view. She glanced over at Y/n, a glint of interest in her pupils. "You ever stay in a place like this?"
A grin tugged at her lips and she shrugged, "Without the pond? Sure." Her old job, before the outbreak, had been one of travel and some fancy hotels. Fancy hotels with marshmallow mattresses that were a forgotten memory by now.
"How do you even know what this is?" Joel inquired.
"Have you heard of books?" That response left the man in a scowl, listing the many reasons as to why he still wanted to shoot the young girl. With that brewing, he started walking down the stairs which led into the green pond. "Wait- are we-" She turned to look at Y/n as if she didn't quite believe it. "Are we going in there?"
"Unless you see another way across." The doctor answered before following in Joels footsteps. Neither of them made it close to the pond before Ellie spoke up again.
"There's a stairwell on the other side we need to get to." Tess added as she too started to wander towards the stairs.
But Ellie still firm in her stance. "I- I don't know how to swim."
They are looked back at her if she had just loss several brain cells in one go. "Seriously?" Joel critiqued.
Ellie was still lost at what the man was getting at. So she continued to defend herself, "You think we have pools in the QZ?"
Joel only needed to jump off from the final step, his shoes thudding against the floor. The water reached up to his knees at best. It was only then did Ellie realise, muttering, "I don't know how I was meant to know that." And then she joined the rest of them in walking towards the end of the room.
Y/n shifted through the water, weaving her way through the odd bug and patches of grass which had grown atop the pond. She looked back as she noted the water splashing behind her, checking that Ellie was in fact still alfoat. "You alright?"
The young girl's head was frantically turning from place to place. "This is so gross." She noted with a strange glea in her tone that no one else seemed to understand. Joel and Y/n were almost at the other side when Ellie shouted, "Oh, check it out!"
They turned, Joel huffing as they did so, finding Ellie by a golden trolly and the reception desk. She leaned over, pressing the bell repeatedly adding her own sounds, "Ding-ding!" She sung. Then she straighted her back and pushed out her chest as her impression went on. "Yes sir I would like your finest suite, please." And then in a lower, harsher tone, she went on, "Yes Ms Y/l/n. Like me to take your luggage?" Ellie continued by pushing the trolly forward. "Ah, thank you, yes most appreciated." Said in the squeaky tone.
Y/n had been watching with nothing but a smile, catching the girl's gaze. "That's not what I sound like."
She kept pushing the trolley, "I think it was a good impression personally."
"You're such a weird kid." Said the man next to Y/n.
At which, Ellie's glea faded and she stiffened, "You're a weird kid." She combated. And Y/n looked away for a moment, to get a glimpse of Joel. Which was when, "Oh, fuck!"
She was already moving before she had realised what was wrong. It was only when the woman turned the corner, her eyes settled on the bones that floated in the water alongside Ellie. Y/n reached out a hand that Ellie took, walking around the dead body. "Are you okay?" The question was stern and concerned.
Something which only calmed when she answered, "Yeah, yeah."
Y/n's worrisome eyes flickered to Joel, "Lets get going." They joined back with Tess and finally made it across the pond and towards the stairwell.
They climbed up towards the tenth floor where they would be able to see if this path they wanted to take would be clear or not. Joel got to the top first, Y/n by his side, Ellie lingering right behind her and Tess scurrying to keep up. The man slowed, peeking around the corner until he entered the tenth floor.
Once he deemed it safe, he started walking, Y/n following after him. "Fuck." Complained Tess once she finally made it out, a sigh stuck in her breaths.
She leant against the wall for a moment as Ellie passed her, "Oh, come on," Ellie practically sung in return. "It wasn't that bad."
"You try climbing ten fucking floors with our knees. See how you feel." The woman snapped in return.
There came no reply from the young girl as they wandered through the hallway. Joel seemed certain of the way. Well, that was right before they turned once basic corner and were met with a dead end that wasn't expected. "Well when the fuck did that happen?" Tess thought aloud.
They each stared at the many rocks which had fallen in through the floor above, crashing ontop of another and making it impossible for them all to pass. "Try the doors maybe?" Y/n suggested, twisting the door nobs and finding them locked; they were suddenly left with few options.
Tess walked forward, eyeing the rocks like they were a puzzle. "Alright, well, maybe I could climb up there, work my way around, open it up from the inside." She planned, not so certain in herself.
"Doesn't sound very safe." Y/n commented under her breath.
At which, the other woman chuckled, turning to face her. "Since when did you give a fuck about my safety?"
Y/n chose not to answer that. "What about me?" Asked the voice at the side of Y/n. "I am the smallest, surely I should go-"
"Not happening." Y/n interjected before she could take it any further.
"She's right." Uttered Tess. "You go up there, you die, we get nothing." Then her eyes were pulled to the doctor and a mischievous smile rose to her lips. "But, prestige here, I'm sure you wouldn't mind helping, right? Gonna need someone to help me move the rocks."
Y/n knew that there was no refusing this. Tess was already walking over, Joel holding his palm out as he lifted her up. Which left the doctor glaring at what was awaiting her. "Oh come on, it's a few rocks. It's nothing compared to some of the infected."
With that, the girl huffed, stepping onto Joel's non-wounded palm as he pushed her up onto the rocks too. As if in an instant, the feeling of captivation consumed her. The rocks were at every turn, suffocating her. And all she had to keep her sane was Tess. "It's a mess up here!" She called back. "We're gonna need a few minutes."
And so Tess started dissecting the rocks she wanted to move, the ones she wanted to stay and then ordered Y/n to help. "Here, this side." She gestured to one of the larger rocks.
Y/n hovered her hands over it, not daring to break the path Tess had created so far. "Like this?" Tess nodded. They each grabbed either side and started pushing until it fell. A few small pebbles fell with it but nothing to drastic.
With that moved, it made a way for them to jump down. Tess shimmied through first, grunting and huffing as she fit her body through the hole they had created. Y/n would have followed straight after if her ears hadn't pricked at the sound of name. "You know Y/n says you're just old friends." Came Ellie's voice.
The woman looked back. She had only moved a couple of meters away and well, Ellie's voice had a tendency to echo. "What do you care about it?" Responded Joel in his usual stern tone.
"Because Y/n's is shit liar, that's why." There came a pause. Y/n glanced back to Tess who was still slowly working her way down. "So what were you really?" Another pause in which Joel seemed to refuse to answer. "You were like together weren't you?"
"Pass."
"So that's a yes?"
"No!"
Y/n knew her eavesdropping was likely wrong, but she couldn't help but feel curious about how her ex-boyfriend was dealing with this situation. "What happened?" Asked Ellie, clearly having no idea about boundaries.
Again, Joel replied, "Pass."
"Are you with Tess now?"
"Pass."
"Do you not wanna be with Tess because you're still in love with Y/n?"
"Hey, Prestige!" Another, thrid voice, snapped her from listening in. Y/n turned back to face Tess who now had both feet planted on the wall. Though, by the looks of things, she hadn't heard any of what Y/n had. Or she was just really good at hiding it. "You need some help down, or?"
Y/n was already shuffling to the edge, mumbling, "No." She did the same as Tess, shifting and moving until she was able to dangle from the rocks, jumping as her feet thudded against the floor. "Least we didn't die." Y/n shrugged, but the other woman was already walking around.
"Come on," She urged.
They didn't get far before they had to stop once again. The two emerged into the balcony, the muffled, distant sound of groans met them instantly. "Is that-?" Y/n already knew the probable answer.
"I think so." Tess muttered before the two wandered to the edge. They leaned over slightly, consuming the sight below. Hundreds over them, tossing and turning as they fought to spread their rancid disease.
"Shit." One word which captured all thoughts and feelings in that moment. Y/n shook her head, parting from the wall as she turned, finding her gaze settled on a door. A door which likely led to the hallway. "Here," Y/n instructed, urging Tess to follow her as they left the balcony.
The girl dragged herself along as they headed for the room which would lead to the pair inside it. They took one step into that room when the occupants on the other side jolted. Their footsteps heavy and the sound of something familiarly metallic rattled. "You can put the gun down, Joel!" Tess yelled before unlocking the door.
None of their expressions matched. And Joel could tell within one moment, within one look, something wasn't right. "What is it?"
Tess and Y/n simply looked back at one another, a daunting sense growing between them. They chose it not wise to explain. Instead, they led the way back out to the balcony where that view was awaiting Joel and Ellie. "There's so many." That was one way to describe it, definitely.
"Last time we were here, they were still deep inside the buildings." Tess informed.
Y/n glanced over, "Guess this means long way is out the window too?" Maybe that was already assumed.
"Which way do we go then?" Questioned Ellie with concerned pupils.
The adults all looked to one another. But it was Joel who came up with the suggestion: "Museum."
A new plan set in. They went back down the ten stories and wandered the haunting streets to find this new building. And this one would hopefully reveal a safe path for them to get to the Statehouse. It was similar to the rest of the city. The museum was tangled in leaves as newly grown trees comforted the walls on either side. But the more concerning decor of the museum was the fungi that infected the stairs, travelling onto the pavement and right into the door.
They all huffed at the sight, stopping right before their feet dared to brush against such fungi. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." Complained Ellie.
Tess pointed to the roof of the building, "There's a way across from the top floor."
"Well, then I guess it's fine." Ellie quipped in response, her tone dripping in sarcasm.
"Better than hundreds of infected." Y/n commented before looking over Ellie to Tess, raising a brow, "Right?" The expression Tess gave in return was lacking any slither of hope.
"We used to take it all the time." She tried to offer some assurance, but with that look on her face, it truly wasn't working. "It used to be fine." Emphasis on 'used to'.
Even a scoff came from the youngest girl, "Awesome."
Joel walked out in front of them all, getting the closest to the fungi. He leaned down slowly as he stared at it like he was expecting something. His fingers placed some pressure against it. Nothing. So he took his rifle by the wrong end, plummeting the blunt end into the fungi. It crunched as ash splurted out. And with that, his answers were gained, and Joel stood. "It's bone dry." He informed. "It could mean they're all finally dead in there."
Y/n peered over at the man, "Could?" It didn't fill her with great security.
"It's our best bet." Tess uttered. Like that, they seemed to collectively and rather silently, decide this was what they were going with. Tess and Joel shrugged off their bags, grasping a torch each, along with Tess grabbing her own gun.
Joel was holding up his torch as he looked to the two other girls who were still stood mindlessly, "Marlene pack you one of these or just sandwiches?"
Ellie nodded, reaching for her bag. "Yeah." She mumbled before pulling out her own.
It seemed it was only Y/n who lacked her own source of light. But what she did have was still tucked into the waistband of her jeans. Her hands reached around her back, pulling out the pistol Marlene had lent her. "You don't have one?" Joel was the first to observe.
Quietly, the girl shook her head. "Alright," Said Tess as she stood to her feet. "Then you don't go anywhere without one of us."
"Wasn't planning to, don't worry." She replied.
Tess then looked over at Ellie, "And if we come up against anything, you get behind us." She instructed.
She nodded sternly, "Yes." And with that, they faced the museum that seemed to tower over them. Tess grasped her pistol with one hand, the torch with the other, prompting Ellie as she pointed out, "I have a spare hand."
"Congratulations." Joel took the lead on this one, walking to the double doors as the other three trailed behind him. He dipped his head through, scanning to then look back and give that expression of 'it's clear' before stepping through.
They switched on their torches and wandered through. Maybe it was the darkness, but Y/n noted how much she had preferred the hotel. This place, it was a simple mess. If it weren't the fungi, you were stepping over past relics which once would have been bought for millions. And now, they were just a part of rubbish that would likely never be cleared out.
Each of them kept their eyes straight and their feet light as they crept into the several rooms which led to the stairs. Joel's torch lit the other side of the wall where the fungus seemed most prominent, with a body wrapped between it. "Yeah, cooked." Said Joel.
"Oh, finally." Tess responded from behind Y/n. "Some fucking luck." Though, they all doubted that luck would last long.
"I guess we should have gone his way in the first place." The man continued, following the fungus.
They were turning the corner when, "Oh, shit!" Y/n's eyes snapped to Ellie and then the blood-soaked, lifeless corpse which was lent up against the wall. Joel and Tess soon followed as they all gathered around this body. "What the fuck did that?"
That wasn't the question that they needed answering. "How do we know it's not still in here?" Y/n spoke, her voice suddenly lowering at the thought of the creatures which could still be roaming.
"Maybe he was attacked outside." Tess assumed. "Crawled through the doors. The door was open. I don't hear anything."
"Who would you hear?" Asked Ellie, much louder than the rest of them now. At that, they all jolted, firm in their glares as they silently told her to shut the fuck up. So then her voice lowered, and in a whisper, she repeated, "Who would you hear? Are you saying an infected did that?" Y/n's pupils boiled with a concerning terror as she shushed Ellie. Not that it had stopped the young girl. "Because I've been attacked by one and it wasn't like that."
"Okay from this point forward we are silent." Joel's gaze was mainly directed at Ellie, but he sent glances to both Tess and Y/n as he went on. "Not quiet. Silent." His breath was raspy with his hushed tone, his stare in itself threatening.
"Wha-"
He didn't let Ellie finish her breath, "No. No questions." He told her. "Just do it." Ellie may not have been happy about having to shut up, but it was that or further risking their safety.
Joel started walking first, weaving through the rooms, bodies and fungus as they followed. Y/n's grip on her pistol tightened in anticipation, her paced breaths soon becoming uneven as they took the first step to the next floor. As silent as possible, they proceeded up the grand stairs. Joel was only two steps from the second floor before the roof rumbled above him. A few pebbles dripped down, followed by ash and a grumbling noise which filled the space.
Each of them stood completely still. Each of them held their breath. Once, and only once, did the grumbling noise stop did Joel continue, climbing up to the second floor and continuing towards the third and final one. Though it was here where the bodies piled high - as did the fungi. Suddenly, it seemed impossible to step over it all. But Joel took his chances and Y/n found herself analysing his every step so she could make the same ones.
She had been hoping that Ellie, the young girl behind her, was doing the same. But as they reached their fifth step, a crunch erupted. Her and Joel tensed, snapping back around to the girl who looked ever so sheepish. While Joel wore a scowl, Y/n had a moulding sympathetic look on her face, which could simply read: it's okay. Even if, maybe it wasn't so.
When nothing seemed to jump up out at them, Joel continued up the stairs. Luckily, they made it to the top without any more stepping on the fungus, or making any harsh sounds. Joel slowly pushed the double doors open. They creaked and cracked before revealing the dusty room on the other side. Like the rest of the museum, it was filled with relics. But most of them seemed intact. Suppose not many infected made it this far up.
As they each wandered through, rumble started falling from the roof above. Until a large thud was heard and it must have finally caved in. Y/n jumped for Ellie, pulling her forward as Tess slid onto the floor to avoid any of the littering rocks attacking her. It was loud. Loud enough that anything outside of the museum was likely to have heard it. And as Y/n glanced away from Ellie, she found they were barricaded in.
"Everyone okay?" She whispered. There was no bother in being silent now that had just fallen, she had thought.
Ellie caught up with her breath as she responded, "Great."
Y/n looked to Tess who was sitting back up. The woman nodded. It was once they stood to their feet, when terror kicked it. Somewhere, from someplace on the floor they were now trapped it, there came the ever familiar shriek which echoed against the walls. One was in here with them. One was here, one of which they couldn't see and they had just lost their exit.
Y/n's arm reached over, hovering over Ellie's stomach, slowly gesturing for the girl to get behind her. Her gun rose, her knuckles turning white with how tight her grip had become. The infected kept screeching as they manoeuvred their way around. They watched as through a doorway, one of them made their way into the room. They dragged themselves over as the group slowly moved backwards as silent as they had been.
It seemed fine until another screech from another part of the museum alerted them. They jolted around to another doorway. There were two of them. The other crawled through the doorway and they moved back away from it again. Suddenly, they were cornered. Their backs hit the glass of a showcase box as they watched the two infected roam the floor.
Each of them listened closely as it travelled across the other side of the glass. It's grunts were haunting as it filled the very silence the group fought to keep. It rushed across from the glass. It was right in front of them. A moment passed in which they didn't know whether it was going to spot them. Maybe one of them had let out a breath too loud or shuffled their feet too much but it knew and it roared at them all.
Joel moved first, pulling the trigger on his gun as the creature tumbled backwards, away from Ellie. "Run!" He screamed.
Tess grasped Ellie's jacket as they stumbled the other way. Y/n found most of it a blurred as she worked out what to do. She saw the two girls face the second infected. And then gun shots followed. Y/n made the assumption that Tess would keep Ellie safe as she turned, facing Joel's back as he fought single handedly against the other infected. Which, within one glance, Y/n could tell he was losing.
The woman raised her pistol, shooting a few times at the monster before it faced her. She circled around it as it stumbled closer to her. That gave Joel the chance to get one bullet in the back of it's head, securing that it slowed down. But it was still alive, still clinging on, still fighting to kill them. "Go!" Joel ordered. Not loudly at all, but stern, very stern.
Y/n did so. She went one way, Joel went the other. A few steps into a hallway and suddenly she became remind of the warning Tess had given her. Don't go anywhere without someone else. The darkness was all around her. She was quiet on her feet as she wove through the narrow hallway to find somewhere with natural light that could guide her. All while trying to listen out for the dying infected.
She heard a gun shot not too far away, followed by the sound of glass shattering. She couldn't work out whether that was Joel, the infected, or Ellie and Tess. But still, she swirled, trying to make out the shadows as she wandered into the next room where there was a window. A wave of relief passed. Though, it hadn't lasted long.
Y/n's whole body jolted at the feeling of touch on her skin. Something, someone, pulled her back. One hand around her back, the other covering the gasp she had been sure to let out. Silence followed and she settled, connecting the feeling to Joel. Y/n's gaze was drawn up at him as he still wore that stern expression. The screeches erupted from behind them. And Y/n realised that was the reason as to why Joel had grabbed her.
Delicately, Joel lowered his hand from her mouth and Y/n didn't stop him. It glided along her waist until reaching her hand. There, his palm slipped over her's, taking a grasp of the pistol. His other hand slid around her waist. And with both arms seeming to cup her body, he reloaded the pistol. Once finished, the two looked to each, ever so close yet that didn't seem to faze them.
Joel nodded, silently saying it was time to move. Y/n leaned around the glass cage that they were hidden behind, finding herself stiff when the infected was only a few feet away. She didn't make a noise. And so, it carried on, without attacking her or Joel. The girl returned back around and looked to Joel for their next move.
She first felt his touch leave her, though he still held the pistol. The man crouched down and started to head towards the further part of the room. Not wanting to be left alone again, Y/n trailed on after him. A few steps in and Ellie came into view. She was hidden behind a display case, right where the infected was about to walk around. Joel and Y/n joined her and nodded their heads for the girl to follow them.
They tiptoed around the display case as to avoid the infected. Slow and steady. So close they had almost reached it but Joel hadn't been watching his feet enough. His toes crunched against some lingering shards of glass. While it wasn't a bang or a gun shot, it was enough. In an instant, they were on their feet. Y/n was able to get ahold of Ellie but Joel tumbled to the floor. The infected hovered over him and it seemed as if he was dead already.
The woman grasped the largest piece of glass she could. It slipped against her palm, slicing her hand first in her act of panic. But, she was far to terroised to take note. Instead, she leaned forward, pushing the sharpest point of the glass into the back of the infected's head. It slowed and gave Joel enough time to recover the pistol he had taken and reloaded. With that in his grasp, his finger tip didn't leave the trigger. Not until it was lifeless. Not until there were no bullet left.
Soon enough, the creature fell and the three scurried backwards. Ellie was tightly protected in Y/n's hands as Joel stood in front, right over the body.
Their moment of peace hadn't lasted long.
Another piercing shriek boomed through the room. They all turned. Defenceless. The second infected was running right for them and they had nothing. Well, they had Tess. The woman rushed through a space between the displays, shoving a 14th-century axe right into the infected's neck.
It hadn't killed it but it had stopped it. The creature waved it's arms around, willing to grab one of them as it croaked out. Joel was the one to move. He took ahold of the rifle he had once lost, aimed and shot. And he didn't stop until it was on the floor.
A long moment passed. Everyone caught up with their breaths and several shared glances were given. Until, in a huff, Y/n spoke up, "Is it over?" Her weary eyes looked around, looking to each of them.
"I fucking hope so." Snapped Ellie, loud enough that, if there were any more infected, it would have come after them by now.
"You all right?" Joel asked Tess who had just limped back up to her feet.
The woman nodded but it was stiff like she wasn't so lucky to be alive. "Twisted ankle, but yeah." Her gaze then jumped to Y/n. Specifically her hand. "What about you? That looks nasty."
Y/n hadn't even realised. Maybe it was the panic, maybe it was the radiating pain, but the harsh cut across the centre of her palm had gone unnoticed until now. It was gushing red. So much so, it seemed to have tinted her skin, pooling over her shirt and jacket. "Shit." She muttered before swinging her bag over and grabbing some cloth.
"You alright?" Tess repeated. This time, to Ellie.
"Well, I didn't shit my pants so." She shrugged off as Y/n wrapped her bleeding palm in the cloth. A sharp inhale left her lips at the sting of the feeling. One of which didn't start easing off until she tied the cloth together, putting her supplies back in her bag.
By the time she had looked over, Ellie's jacket was rolled up, showcasing the bite from the infected. "Shit!" She said again, this time harsher and louder.
"You fucking kidding me?" Ellie swore. "I mean, if it was gonna happen to one of us..."
Suppose she made a point. "Hey," Tess spoke up as they all glanced to her. "Lets get the fuck out of here." That they could all agree with.
They were led towards one of the back windows. Joel pulled it up, slipping through first and holding it up for the other to walk through. "Thanks," Y/n uttered as she stepped onto the roof, her eyes drawn to the view set in front of her.
Ellie proceeded behind the girl, rushing next to her side to catch the view for herself. Though, Y/n turned right back around at the sound of grunting and the words, "Oh, fuck." Tess, while she may have gotten through the window, was struggling.
Her ankle had forced her to sit as Joel joined her. "I can help." The girl offered. Well, it wasn't much of an offer, more of a warning that she was about to help.
Though, such was still declined, as Joel hovered his hand out. "No, no, it's alright. I've got it." He said and the woman shut her lips. "Just give me some of that tape would you?"
Y/n nodded but said nothing. She rummaged from her bag and retrieved the tape, passing it over with a stare caught between the two. Maybe it was wrong to, but she thought back to them questions Ellie was asking Joel earlier at the hotel. Maybe such questions were echoing in her mind also.
"Over there?" Ellie inquired from behind them all. Y/n was the one turn, searching for an excuse to look away.
She was pointing to the building across from this one. The one connected by a long piece of wood. "Yeah, I know it looks scary." Answered Joel.
Ellie was already stepping onto it as she replied, "That was scary, this is wood." And without a flicker of a worry she walked across. She turned when she reached the other building, a grin spread over lips as she looked to the doctor. "You coming?"
Y/n had to look back first. Look back to the man who was patching up Tess like he probably had done a million times before. Then she flashed a smile, one forced and tricky to uphold. "Yeah." She yelled back, tiptoeing across just as Ellie had.
At this new building, she couldn't hear the conversation happening between the couple. She could only watch Joel's sincere, worrisome expression as he ever so carefully taped up that broken ankle. For a moment, and Y/n swore to herself that it was only a moment, a flicker of a memory washed through her mind. A flicker of a memory which urged on feelings of regret.
"Oh. My. God." Said Ellie, snapping the woman out of her thoughts. She jumped back around to the girl who was smiling a devilish smile. "You're in love with him too." She stated as if it were fact.
"What-?" Y/n cut herself off, eyeing the couple once more. "I've got no idea what you're getting at Ellie."
"Yes you do." She argued as Y/n walked passed her. Not that such had stopped the young girl from trailing behind. "You know exactly what I'm getting at! So I was right? You and Joel were together?"
Y/n stopped and turned around, "Well we're not anymore so what does it matter?"
"Because you both obviously still want each other."
That was something she had scoffed out. They didn't spend years avoiding each other because there was still love there. No, they avoided each because- well, because that was what you were supposed to do after a break up. "Ellie, we don't."
"I think you need a new pair of eyes." She giggled at the idea and Y/n knew this wouldn't be the last time she heard about it.
Y/n moved passed Ellie, towards the other end of the building where a view stared back at them. The rest of the city. Still decaying and covered in speckles of green, but as Y/n had gathered, it was nice to see something of natural beauty growing again.
Her gaze hadn't moved when she felt Ellie join her side. But when another figure wandered up, coming to her other side, her eyes did jump. "Is it everything you hoped for?" Joel asked. His eyes weren't on Y/n, they weren't on Ellie, they were settled on what was in front of him and what awaited him.
Ellie shrugged, "Jurys still out." She said and Y/n chose it best to tear her gaze away from Joel before he cared to notice. "But, man, you can't deny that view."
"Think it's even prettier without all the skyscrapers and road rage." Y/n thought aloud. And, as if roles had just be revered, Joel was the one staring at her as she glazed off into the distance.
The man thought about giving something in response, but that idea was broken when another voice came. "Come on, let's get there before dark." Tess prompted, breaking them from their captivated views.
The other woman gave not a second to take in the view. As if a switch had been pulled, Tess was suddenly in full survival mode, not wanting to waste a moment they had. She went down the ladder first and no matter how delicately she placed her footings, it still urged groans of pain. The other three didn't dare comment. Instead, Y/n gently pushed Ellie forward as they all trailed down the ladder too.
Tess was right about wanting to get there before dark. Even with her ankle and the pain Y/n was certain was plaguing her, she led the group, fast in her pace. It took half the time to get to the StateHouse than it usually did. But even in that short space of time, Y/n wandered to herself about this change in mood. Prior to this, she was walking at the side of Ellie, bouncing back and fourth, explaining with great enthusiasm what the world used to be like. And now it seemed she was burdened with apathy.
Y/n was towards the back of the line, though she rushed forward slightly to reach Joel. And ever so quietly, she whispered over to him, "She normally like this?"
Joel looked back with knitted brows, "Like what?"
The doctor huffed and checked off the several attributes she knew all too well: "More irritable than usual? Desperate?" She spoke carefully as she always did. Beating around the idea rather than giving it directly to him on a plate.
But Joel was used to Y/n's careful words and could see right through it. "She's not infected, Y/n." He uttered, stern in his expression that it made Y/n regret saying anything.
Yet, the girl still went on, "Just keep an eye on it, alright?" She told him. Without another second, she walked passed, joining Ellie's side.
Y/n wouldn't push it. Tess was Joel's friend and not hers. Maybe if more symptoms started showing, she might. But for now, she would keep quiet and keep her mind on the task at hand: get Ellie to safety. Which was right where they were. The state house seemed quiet. The only thing to suggest the other fireflies were here was the truck parked right outside.
The four of them crouched down by some rocks, keeping a watch on the doors and the truck. "Where the fuck are they?" Tess had queried, hushed in her tone.
Joel turned back to face her, lightly shaking his head. He took a long moment to think before he stood to his feet and started walking. The others stood but made no move to follow Joel. Instead, they watched. He slung the door to the truck open first, his rifle shaking in his grip, only to find nothing but blood-soaked metal.
Though, that seemed enough for the man to spin around, holding his hand out. "Keep back." He instructed before continuing on.
Even if they weren't the ones searching the truck, Tess and Y/n still equipped their weapons. They waited a few moments, hearing the sound of the back doors pull up. It was then that Tess nodded her head, "Come on." She said, going against what Joel had told them as they wandered around the back. "Joel?" She called. "What the fuck is going on?"
The back of the truck was empty. "I don't know." Answered the man. And while their focus was pulled to the truck, Y/n's dwindled. Her eyes were pulled to the stairs of the Statehouse, noting the splotches of red which littered the concrete.
"They went inside." Y/n informed as all eyes landed to her and then the blood.
She swirled around, facing their puzzled looks. Tess was the one to move first. She huffed and seemed to snap. "Come on." She ordered, hooking her palm around Ellie's wrist and dragging her into the state house. "Come on." She repeated.
"Tess!" Joel had yelled but the woman seemed to have no intent on stopping.
Y/n rushed up with them and without a second thought, raised her weapon. And much quieter than Joel, but much more threatening, there came the hushed order of, "Tess." The woman stiffened and slowed. She turned with glossy eyes that were mustered between feelings of fury. "Let Ellie go. We're all going to go in there but not until you take your hands off her."
It took Tess a moment before shoving Ellie out her grip. Y/n took the young girl into her hold, scanning her once over to make sure she was okay. "Lets go." Said Tess as she went on as if nothing had happened.
In that moment, Y/n met Joel's eyes, a sense of realisation seemed to have dawned on him.
The three followed Tess into the building and they all took sight of what was left. Bodies and blood and devastation. The fireflies had been taken out. "Holy shit." Cursed the young girl.
They wandered further into the building and more and more bodies emerged. It seemed as if there were no survivors. "I mean there's gonna be like a fucking radio or something." Tess rambled on aloud. She rummaged through the many boxes, scurrying through the supplies they had left.
I mean, not mentioning the bodies, this place would be a gold mine to smugglers like Tess and Joel. "Who killed them?" Y/n heard Ellie question. "FEDRA?"
"No." Joel had uttered and Y/n turned to watch as the man's boot spun one of the bodies over. "One of them got bit." And there, on the lifeless corpse was the remnants of the infected, yellow vines and a red rash surrounding it. "The healthy ones fought the sick ones. They all lost."
"God, Marlene's gonna lose it." Y/n thought, giving a scan over all the bodies once more.
"Tess!" Called Joel as he walked over to the woman. "What you doing?" She was still scavenging like her life depended on it.
Though, of course, Tess didn't give an answer to Joel. Rather, she walked right passed him to where Ellie and Y/n were roaming. "Where was Marlene taking her? Huh?"
"West." Y/n informed, tense at the very firm stance Tess was giving. "That's where the doctors are." As long as they weren't all dead either.
"That it? Just west? That all you fucking know?" Y/n had no chance to respond to her outburst as the woman turned her back and started wandering around the boxes once more. "Well one of them's gotta have a map on them right?" She leaned over one of the bodies. "Joel? Can you help me-"
"No!" The atmosphere chilled. "Tess, it's over." And it seemed they all knew that but her. He started walking over to her as she gazed up from the body. "We are going home."
"That's not my fucking home!"
Joel backed off and everything went silent. All that remained was the echo of Tess' screams. It took a second before the woman climbed to her feet, facing the man she had stuck by for years now. "I'm staying." She said with more depth than it needed. "I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later."
Y/n had already been well in the know, Joel in denial but Ellie, well Ellie had only suddenly come to the same conclusion. "Fuck. She's infected."
Now, the atmosphere wasn't just chilly, but it was as cold as fucking ice. "Show me." Joel requested in such a gentle tone.
She took a cautious step forward, "Joel-"
He took a rapid step back. The woman's fingers gripped at her shirt, pulling it down to reveal the yellow vines and the red rash. "Oops right?" She let her hand go, covering the mark. "Guessing it's not something you can save me from, right, doc?"
Y/n swallowed and wondered if maybe it had happened later, if maybe they had understood Ellie's blood and her genes, maybe Tess would have had something, some hope. Tess' gaze jumped to Ellie, "Take your bandage off."
And so, the girl followed, rolling up her sleeve and showcasing her arm. Her perfectly healthy, perfectly normal arm. No yellow vines. No red rash. Tess walked over, taking a tender hold of Ellie's hand, "Look, this is real." She uttered, knowing this was apart of her last words. "Get her to Bill and Frank's." Joel had shook his head at that plan but Tess kept going. "They'll take her off your hands."
"No, no, no." The man repeated. "I can't. They're not gonna take her-"
"They will because you're gonna convince them." Joel was quiet again. "I never- never ask you for anything, not to feel the way I felt-"
He attempted to interject, "No-"
But Tess wasn't having it. "Shut the fuck up cause I don't have time." Which would have explained the rush she was in prior to now. "This is your chance. You and Y/n. You get her there. You keep her alive. And you set everything right. All the shit we did. Please say yes, Joel, please." She was a begging, dying woman and Joel looked as if he had no choice.
A grunt came from behind them as one of the bodies started moving. They jumped out from their sentiment as Ellie, screamed, "Oh, fuck!" Both her and Y/n rushed away from it as Joel stormed forward, pistol in hand, shooting the infected right between its eyes.
But with that gunshot, further noise erupted. Noise of which they couldn't bare to ignore. Grunts and groans which echoed from outside of the State house. Joel jogged over to the front doors, getting one glance of the outside to know what was coming for them. More were coming. "How many?" Asked Tess once Joel had started walking back again.
"All of them."
A scoff slipped from Y/n's lips, "Fucking great." Her panicked pupils met Joels, "How long?"
"Maybe a minute." He rushed to the centre of the building again, terror started to consume his thoughts.
But it was Tess who made the next move. She picked up the rifle of a dead man, popping the top off one of the barrels. Kicking it down, as gasoline pooled over the floor. "What are you doing?" Ellie inquired.
The woman continued onto each of them, "Making sure they don't follow you." She replied, kicking down another.
Once all the barrels were down and the smell became intoxicating, she threw over grenades. They scattered the floor as the murmers of the infected slowly got louder and louder. With that, she walked to Joel, looking up at him with only inches between them and she whispered, "Joel, save who you can save."
He seemed to hold eye contact with Tess for as long as he could. His eyes glossy when he broke and glanced over to where Y/n was stood, holding Ellie close to her chest. But he was looking at Y/n when he said, "Go."
And she listened to him. She tightened her grasp on Ellie as they stormed out of the Statehouse. The girl cried, "No! We're not leaving her!" She screamed but it seemed just empty words now. Joel was the one who had to make the decision and it certainly was never an easy one.
And they got as far away as they could. When the statehouse inflamed, they knew apart of the many bodies of infected, there was Tess. But there was no time to mourn in the midst of an apocalypse. All they could do was run.
(Joel Miller x Fem! Reader)
Read also on: AO3 / Wattpad
After the relationship ended, Y/n had sworn complete avoidance of Joel and his risky ways. But, by her own fault, the woman finds herself in between FEDRA, the Fireflies and the troubling Ex-boyfriend. Even after ten years, the pair still find secrets to unravel - all to blame for the young girl they're meant to protect.
Chapter One: Insects
Chapter Two: Relics
Chapter Three: Hope
Chapter Four to be posted Monday 13th
