Sorry I don't have a valentine's thing to post I wasn't motivated enough </3 you know what I DID make though?!?! My original characters as things I'm currently into :] Playing dress-up with them is always fun :3 I matched their characters with their personalities!
(funny thing is, I could make parallels with a different IEYTD group with the first four guys. I might make that one too.)
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below cut
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This chapter is split into two parts, make sure to read 11B before you go onto chapter 11!
Jungkook had seen the venue that morning. He was wearing a tux. He’d been along for the ride emotionally for the whole planning over the last year. It wasn’t like he didn’t know going into it that this wedding was the fanciest thing he would ever be at. But still, there was something overpowering about the event when it was finally time.
Or maybe he was nervous about other things.
No. No, it was the wedding, that was all.
He fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt in his jacket sleeves as he, Jimin, and the other groomsmen waited in a lavishly decorated hallway for In’am to descend so Jimin could walk her into the ceremony, one of the customs In’am had wanted to preserve of Egyptian weddings.
They had already taken pictures a couple of hours ago, already caught on film when Jimin had seen In’am in her wedding dress for the first time looking like a goddamn princess, that was the truth. The white and gold, the diamonds, the elegant fit, the graceful way In’am always had of moving, it left Jungkook wondering not for the first time if he’d been casually chilling with a true princess all this time. Jimin cried. Jungkook almost cried because his friend was crying. In’am glowed. It was nice to see your friends so happy.
Because of that, Jungkook had expected her appearance this time to be unremarkable. It was not. Jimin teared up again. He accused In’am of getting more beautiful in the last hour. In’am smiled and tenderly touched his face.
Jungkook cleared his throat and looked away at the intimate gesture. His whole body felt like a bag of bees. Nerves. He better not fuck up the wedding. That was all he was worried about. Seriously. Nothing else. That’s why it felt like he was moving through water with every wedding thing they did today, the ticking echo of a countdown clock in the background making the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He just didn’t want to fuck up their wedding. Honest to god truth.
There was nothing else to be nervous about.
The wedding event had control of two giant ballrooms, one for the ceremony and one for the reception. Jungkook offered his arm to Ina’m’s younger sister –whom he had not slept with, just to be crystal clear– and followed along behind Jimin’s brother and In’am’s older sister down the central aisle. The sea of quiet chatter disappeared as a string quartet played something Jungkook couldn’t recognize now. He was focused on not stepping on his partner’s dress, but also he was scanning the faces.
She was here. She’d been at In’am’s henna night. He’d checked her instagram feed earlier because she was posting again but it was still just random cats and a fat squirrel terrorizing her dad’s bird feeder –which he sympathized with Baba more about now that he and Namjoon had their own squirrel problem. Nothing had been more gratifying than when he’d greased the pole and they’d watched through the window as the fuckers slid helplessly back down to the ground.
Greased the pole as in he put crisco on the bird feeder hanger, not… not that pole… that had nothing to do with squirrels obviously…
His thoughts were scrambled. He wasn’t seeing her but there were so many people. Hundreds of people. And it was hard to see everyone because the lighting was all fancy, shining a spotlight on the wedding party as they paraded down the aisle between the birch branches strung with fairy lights. Yes, he knew they were birch branches because there had been a whole thing about it. There had been a whole thing about every single detail of this wedding. If he ever got married, he did not want it to be this way.
But Jimin and In’am seemed happy despite all the battles with their family and that’s what mattered. It was easy to smile at them as they took their positions in front of the officiant. His work was done for now except to stand there and look handsome and happy for them, so he went back to scanning the elaborately decorated room for a single face while trying not to look like he was doing exactly that.
She was here. She had to be here.
He saw May first actually, next to Minxi who had brought her as her +1, and Rebekah, and then Alex! Wedged in between Rebekah and Sabina, a dip between her two taller friends. She was having to lean this way and that to see in front of the taller people in front of her. She was short! She should have sat close to the front, or on the aisle! He almost didn’t recognize her at first because she had a haircut. Bangs. Other than that, he couldn’t make out much about her from this distance but she was here and relief settled around him.
Now he could relax and enjoy the wedding. The wedding was going on, and Alex was here, so everything was fine. He just hadn’t seen her in so long! Not since the arcade, except when he had waved as she she drove away for Thanksgiving with Hoseok’s family.
Where, rumor had it, she had broken up with her boyfriend.
A whole ass two and a half weeks ago during which Jungkook hadn’t heard from her, and had been too chicken to ask anyone else to confirm what he thought May’s texts meant. No one else had said anything, but maybe no one else knew anything yet? Or they just weren’t telling him? It was fucked up, people should tell him that kind of thing without him having to embarrass himself by asking!
It wasn’t like Jungkook was just sitting around waiting for gossip though, he really had been busy, thank fuck. It kept him from being able to just sit around waiting for her call –not that he would have! Obviously! Just for her to say what? If he had anything to do with the breakup? Or if the end of that relationship at least meant they could be friends again, even if the breakup had been nothing to do with him, even if she just didn’t return his feelings? He felt like being humble about the possibility rather than admitting his hopes might make it more likely to be true. If he was humble about it, maybe that would make the better thing true.
She hadn’t dumped another guy for him, had she?
Had she?!
Was he just her go-to excuse for getting out of tough situations? She’d used the her grandma dying and her dog dying too many times, so ‘My friend is in love with me’ was her backup?
So no, no he had not just been sitting around waiting for her, even if his brain had found plenty of time to wonder and worry and panic in between.
Work had been busy for the holiday shopping season. He and Namjoon had tried to do some late fall house things instead of paying someone else to do it, like cleaning the gutters. There had been lots of last minute wedding things to do, and emotional support to lend Jimin and In’am, and a bachelor party last weekend that had taken two days to recover from. Plus he was an uncle now! Jinhyung’s baby was small and kinda weird looking but cute too, and he’d gone by a few times to visit or drop things off because his mom asked him to.
See! So much going on! He had not just sat around thinking about Alex and if she was okay, and if the breakup had been really upsetting, and who was buying her ice cream, and whether he had anything to do with it. May wouldn’t tell him shit except for her cryptic out of the blue text: bye hoseok barely knew ye
Jimin and In’am shuffled around to sing the contract –a sweet one they had written together and read out now like personal vows, meshing wedding traditions in a way that Jungkook admired partly because they did it despite their families. Families shouldn’t have a final say.
Although maybe sometimes families should step the fuck up and say something if they noticed their son was in love with his friend; they could like, give him a nudge or something and help him figure it out sooner–
Whatever. His smile was sincere as he watched two people he loved take a moment to celebrate this official, legal, spiritual, and familial merging of their lives in front of hundreds of people, many of whom they barely knew. But they were happy. Different people liked different things. Different people took different paths in life.
His gaze drifted out to the audience again. Would Alex cry at something like this? She hadn’t cried at Namjoon’s wedding but that was a long time ago and she hadn’t liked the bride. He didn’t think she looked like she was crying. He couldn’t tell from the distance. Was she looking at him?! Or the couple getting married in front of him? He straightened his shoulders and stretched his neck and smoldered, just in case.
His attention returned to Jimin and In’am as they exchanged the rings, simple gold bands, their eyes shining brighter than any diamonds. In’am glowed when she looked at Jimin. He couldn’t see Jimin’s face but he could feel the same glow emanating from his posture. They loved each other deeply, exactly the kind of love you hoped for your friend. Jimin deserved that, and so did In’am. They were two of the best people he’d ever met.
Oh fuck he was crying! So much for looking cool. In’am noticed and smiled, which made him laugh awkwardly and lift a hand to wipe a tear, at which point he heard a sob from Taehyung in front of him.
“Are they crying?” Jimin asked and looked over his shoulder and laughed through his own tears. The bridesmaids were fine, but the groomsmen were crumbling as In’am’s brother took a deep gasping breath amid a stream of tears. In’am’s father, a big burly man with a stern face at all times, coughed and then loudly blew his nose. It earned a laugh at least in the near vicinity.
“Why aren’t you crying yet?” Jimin jokingly asked his brother.
“I’m in shock she married you,” JImin’s brother answered and In’am laughed, Jimin laughed. Jungkook thought the laughter in the ceremony was one of the most important parts. The joy made the ceremony even more personal. Who cared that there were hundreds of semi-strangers watching you, if you could embrace laughter even in the height of an emotional moment like this? That’s the only way he’d ever make it through something formal like this. Only with someone he could laugh with.
Ahem.
The ceremony continued despite the brief pause. It felt simultaneously an eternity and too short.
Jimin and In’am walked back down the aisle to cheers. Jungkook escorted In’am’s sister back, trying not to make it obvious he was looking at Alex when he passed but May had a shit-eating smile anyway.
Jungkook was glad now that they’d already taken the wedding party photos and he didn’t have to roll right into that, but Jimin and In’am had some to take with their parents and immediately family so there was still a break before they’d do their grand entrance to the wedding party.
“Want to go sneak and say hello?” Taehyung asked with an elbow in his ribs.
“Double entrance?”
“You got something against DP?”
Jungkook snorted. How strange to not be in the gutter with Taehyung right now! The event organizer shouted after them not to wander off but Taehyung just kep walking; Jungkook promised her they were just going to get drinks and would be back before Jimin and In’am. She ran this thing with an iron fist and he was afraid of landing on the wrong side of her.
Jungkook would not have known where to go in the mob of guests moving from ceremony ballroom to the bigger reception room, but Taehyung seemed to know exactly where he was going. So Jungkook stuck close as they wound their way through the crowd, around the gloved waiters circling with hors d'oeuvres on silver platters, past the open bars opening under the judgmental glares of the contingent of In’am’s family who had lost the bid for a dry wedding. Jimin and In’am were pretending to pay for it so as not to start a war between the families but secretly it was Jimin’s parents who had insisted wines, beers, and champagnes must be available or it wasn’t a proper celebration.
Their group had curled around a standing table in the “mingling” area of the ballroom, packed in among big vases of more birch trees so that it was a bit dangerous to get anywhere without running face-first into a sharp stick.
Alex had her back to him, the table awkwardly high in front of her, which May seemed to be mocking her about. They all had drinks; Jungkook didn’t understand how they had escaped the ceremony hall so fast but his sense of time was all fucked up today. She had something in a martini glass and lifted it delicately from the too-high table but he couldn’t see her sip it. Even if she’d been facing him, he might have been too distracted by the way her burgundy dress clung to her body. Was that fucking velvet?! Her hair was down but curled, an unusual look for her; she always complained it didn’t hold curl and he wondered if she’d had it professionally done. She’d clearly dressed up. Damn, the dress was so fitted to her body–
On second thought, he grabbed Taehyung’s arm and said, “Hey, I’m going to get a drink, want anything?”
“Nah, line is too long.”
Jungkook didn’t care. Velvet, was she really wearing velvet? Had he seen that right? Did he care about velvet? Apparently he did.
He turned tail and ran towards the bar in the far corner, but Taehyung was right that the lines were too long and now he didn’t want to actually be gone that long. So when a waiter walked by with white wine on a tray, he took one of those and doubled back and this time made himself continue forward towards the cluster of his friends even as he felt his heart start to race.
Maybe joining the table next to Alex was a stupid move, but it was the natural entrypoint to the group, so he tried to keep his attention instead on May and Minxi. They looked fine, casual, but not really close so if you didn’t know they were girlfriends you might not guess it. Was that on purpose or were they just not big on PDA? This was the first time Minxi had brought May to something; he hadn’t been around to hear her introduce May as her girlfriend. He wondered what had been more surprising, the girlfriend or that the girlfriend was Alex’s sister–
Yeah, who cared about them. Alex looked up at him with a little squeak, because of course she did, he was suddenly right beside her, and when he looked down at her he did first notice that she was wearing makeup and looked really pretty nice, he noticed that first. Her eyelashes looked really big. But something else also big caught his eyes, right down the low v of her cleavage; she even had a gold necklace with lots of little dangly things to make sure your eye went right down the front of her dress. As if you wouldn’t notice it on your own.
“You look like plum wine,” he blurted out in an attempt to not say something worse. “Your eyelashes are nice.”
Alex stared for an eternity (one second) and then snorted right into a laugh. An Alex laugh. The most familiar laugh to him in the whole world and something inside of him healed just a smidge. She was laughing at him. Fuck, he’d missed her laughing at him. Endeared by the idiot she knew he was. Accepting of it.
Was he reading too much into a laugh? Maybe.
“Hey, babe, your eyelashes look great too,” May said to Minxi. “Best eyelashes in the room.”
“Yours are ok,” Minxi returned, to May’s gasp, and Alex explaining to Jungkook, “The best part of this whole coming out thing is watching someone finally give May the shit she deserves. Boys were always too afraid of her, it was boring.” She sounded so casual that for a second Jungkook could believe the last six months hadn’t ever happened. It was just Alex, the same Alex as before except really fucking fancy right now. Fancy Alex. He wanted to pet her. Old Jungkook would definitely have pet her like a dog and she’d have pushed him away probably and he’d have teased her because why did she wear a dress like that if she didn’t want people stroking her–
Damn, it was going to be really hard not to touch that dress. It was begging to be touched. Right down her back, right over her ass–
Alex caught his stair and grinned, “You like the sleeves?” She raised an arm and flapped it, showing how the fabric fluttered.
“Um… yeah, it’s nice.”
That seemed to have been the wrong answer; she glanced at him and looked a little sad, he thought? He couldn’t fucking tell. He couldn’t pretend to tell. Never in his life had he felt both so eager to understand what she was thinking and so hopelessly disconnected from her. Looks, gestures, words might all mean different things now than they used to. Or maybe they’d always meant different things than he’d understood because he’d always just been stupid and wrong and believed it was true when she would say for the hundredth time that obviously she was not in love with him.
A tray of food appeared briefly in front of them and Jungkook grabbed whatever it was without looking and popped it in his mouth. Chewing gave him an obvious excuse to not say something; now he worried he looked weird to be in a conversation with just these three instead of the whole table, like he’d specifically come here for Alex’s attention. He hadn’t! (He had.)
“For our wedding, I think we’ll give some people a Minus One,” Taehyung said, gesturing to Sabina, to whom he had proposed a week ago. “So like five people get to choose someone to disinvite from the wedding.”
Sabina covered her face and sighed, “You stole that joke from Twitter, babe…”
“What?! I would never!”
The awkwardness of it made everyone laugh but Taehyung didn’t look bothered at getting caught, just sipped the champagne Sabina must have already snagged for him. Namjoon booed Taehyung and then looked at something on Rebekah’s phone, and then nudged Yoongi’s shoulder to get him to look as well.
So Alex had been hanging out with Yoongi at the table. Maybe they’d even been sitting near each other at the ceremony. Jungkook hadn’t bothered to look for anyone but her. He glanced at her, curious how that had gone, if she was as bothered as she had expected to be to attend without a date… as she seemed to be missing… He scanned the room just in case Hoseok actually was here, just getting Alex a drink or something. But she already had a drink, which she lifted and sipped again. And spilled a little on her chest. Jungkook pretended not to notice as she dabbed at it with a cocktail napkin. He’d do it for free….
“Um, how’s work?” she asked. It took him a second to realize she was talking to him, but she had to be because Minxi and May were suddenly whispering about something else and then May dragged Minxi off towards something and it was just the two of them standing there now on this side of the table.
“Yeah. Uh, yeah, it’s good, it’s busy. Holiday season. How’s your um, phone plan working for you?”
She snickered, “It’s, you know, a little more expensive than I was paying before.” He smiled too and looked away.
“Yeah, well… it’s uh… sixteen full price frappuccinos a month?”
“Please tell me you aren’t drinking sixteen frappuccinos a month–”
“Without a discount? Are you insane?”
They shared a smile. Uncomfortable but trying. Namjoon and Taehyung laughed loudly at something and they both glanced over but Jungkook hadn’t heard what it was and didn’t really care.
“My brother had his baby,” Jungkook contributed, worried that because she had turned, Alex would say something to pull herself into that other conversation and free herself from him.
“Yeah, I know! He’s so little!”
“Oh, you knew?”
“I haven’t gone to see him yet but mom did and took a lot of pictures.”
“Yeah he’s really little… I mean, he doesn’t do much yet.”
“He’s like two weeks old,” Alex pointed out.
“Yeah, I know! But you said you hadn’t met him yet, so I just thought I’d uh, tell you.”
Alex was grinning and he felt like she might be laughing at him. Her question felt too polite, “Do you like being an uncle?”
“No, that’s what I’m saying, he doesn’t know I’m cool yet. He kind of just thinks I’m another person to puke on.”
“I was going to say you have to wait twenty-one years before you can be the cool uncle and puke together but you’ll be like fifty so maybe that’s not really the cool uncle anymore–”
“I won’t be fifty. I’ll be forty-seven, thanks,” he corrected. “Don’t age me up, old lady.”
“Listen here, when I was your age I was…” Her eyes rolled to the high ceiling as she pondered. “I don’t know, eating ice cream and ragging on my sister for dating my friend without telling me?” She always did that when he called her old, say whatever she’d been doing ‘when she was his age’ two weeks ago. Some things never changed apparently.
It gave him a dose of hope.
“Oh yeah. Yeah.”
“Heard you knew about that before me,” she prodded.
“Yeah but um… we weren’t talking and anyway I think that’s the kind of secret you keep… I’m actually really good at keeping secrets.”
“Yeah even from yourself I guess?”
“I… guess… yeah…” Was she jokingly referencing his feelings? Right here? Before they’d even drank alcohol?!
But he couldn’t be sure, because instead she asked, “How did you find out? She wouldn’t tell me.”
“Oh, I ran into her in a gay club.”
“Oh, you frequent gay clubs now?”
“Uh, not for me,” he quickly assured her. She looked like she wanted to ask more, but Taehyung leaned across the table and said, “Jimin called me, we gotta go back.” Which annoyed Jungkook because he was kinda in the middle of something– but obviously he had to go. Obviously his friend’s wedding was more important than him slowly thawing the ice between him and Alex. Obviously.
Maybe it was better. He didn’t feel on his game. He was flustered in a way he hadn’t expected, even though she was laughing at his jokes, but he wasn’t sure he really trusted it. Maybe she was just being polite. Or if she thought he was funny but just in the haha you’re my dopey friend way. Which he would accept, if that was it! If she just was going to ease back to being his friend again, all right! That was better than nothing! Maybe it had to be that because despite seducing a hundred women (ok it was nowhere near a hundred but a guy had a reputation to uphold), he didn’t have any real idea about how to seduce Alex.
Not that he was trying to seduce her! Or, well, sorta. If she was single. And into that. Into him. If she wanted to be seduced. By him.
Fuck, he felt so awkward because she just looked at him like she was waiting for him to say something –or, worse, waiting for him to fuck off! He couldn’t tell! Was he interfering–
Oh shit, was Alex here cruising to pick someone up?! A not him someone? That could explain the dress! She never wore something that long and form-hugging and tit-attention-grabbing! Ever!
But even if she’d been wearing a grocery bag, he’d probably be this nervous because A.) a grocery bag could rip and then she’d just be naked right in front of him and more honestly B.) for the first time in their lives she knew he was into her at the same time she might be single.
A cold ball of dread rotated in his gut as he followed Taehyung back to join the rest of the wedding party in front of the ceremony room again.
He didn’t appreciate it when Taehyung nudged him, “Eh?”
“Eh what?”
“You two looked like dweeby college kids checking each other out at a party.”
“Shut up,” Jungkook scoffed and shoved his shoulder but it just made Taehyung laugh and Jungkook wished Taehyung knew something he didn’t. Like his friend was comfortable teasing him because he already knew things would work out ok. Jungkook didn’t know that. He didn’t know fucking anything right now except that Alex looked really pretty and he wanted to pet her dress.
On second thought, he asked, “She broke up with Hoseok, right?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t there, you should ask her.”
Jungkook narrowed his eyes at Taehyung’s smug grin. But still, it made him a little hopeful, because yeah, he didn’t think Taehyung would be teasing about that if he knew for sure Jungkook had no chance. Though why Taehyung would know if Jungkook had a chance escaped him, so probably Taehyung was just being a smug shit because his love life was already settled. Lucky him.
“Why did you call us back so soon?” Jungkook asked as they reached Jimin and In’am.
“She wants some more pictures,” Jimin tattled.
“He wants some more pictures,” In’am corrected and Jimin’s shit-eating grin made that clearly the truth.
Taehyung joked, “Yeah you pulled us away just as Jungkook was starting to twirl his hair and flutter his eyelashes at–”
“Fuck off, I was not.”
“Language,” In’am scolded, tossing her head towards her younger sister, who rolled her eyes nearly out of her skull.
“I know how to say ‘fuck’, In’am.”
“You better not!”
Jimin just backhanded Jungkook playfully in the stomach and suggested, “Hey maybe don’t wait so long this time? Someone might move in.”
“Yeah, I know, she looks really nice tonight.”
“So tell her that–”
“Hey I don’t need anyone’s help seducing anyone,” he lied. “I don’t need the advice of anyone here–”
“Ah, I didn’t realize you were just going for quick seduction. I thought you were wanting more longterm, like uh…” Jimin playfully gestured between himself and Taehyung, and Jungkook got the message. The married guy. The engaged guy.
He just scoffed, “Focus on your own wedding, my man, you haven’t even made it through the dinner yet.”
“OK but we are legally married so we could just run away if we want to,” In’am suggested, which made Jimin laugh and wrap his arms around her.
“We’re not running away.” At her frown, he grew a little more serious and said, “Well, if you need to, signal to me and we’ll go.”
“Yeah?”
“Promise.”
It was kinda fucking romantic and Jungkook felt like maybe he should be taking notes…
The music started down the hall and even though he knew it was coming, it startled Jungkook out of his fluster about Alex. Various drums and a horn started first, and he could see the saxophonist though not hear it over the pounding of the drums. He wondered if hotel guests could hear this all the way into the main reception area and would wonder what was going on, though it felt obvious to him something joyous was happening.
A woman’s voice ululated, the distinct sound instantly capturing Jungkook’s attention as she beckoned them all to follow her down the center of the musicians towards the reception hall as four belly dancers took up place ahead of her to lead the way. Their costumes were sparse and shiny and tasseled and the way they moved their bodies was mesmerizing. They were working, probably off limits to a scoundrel like him, but maybe in another timeline Jungkook would have tried his luck with one of them. Probably one of the younger ones but hey, the two older ones might be cool too.
But tonight Jungkook’s thoughts were held by one woman in particular, and the suggestion of the same softer, fonder, longer-lasting thing that glowed in Jimin’s and In’am’s faces. She looked like a queen again as she began to slow dance forward, swaying, moving her arms, flower bouquet raised like a beacon. Beside her, Jimin looked like a fucker in love, eyes all sparkly, what you could see of them above his wide, besotted grin as he held In’am’s other hand and danced with her along the procession. It helped that Jimin had always been a good dancer with a natural grace. He looked right at home with In’am in this procession, surrounded by voices singing in a language Jungkook couldn’t understand.
Taehyung shrugged and grinned at Jungkook as they doubled up with the bridesmaids again to follow, but the movement was slow, and there was nothing so formal as holding hands or dancing in doubles. Everyone roamed this way and that along the slow progress, joining the singing or shouting at times. The music moved through his arms and legs, so Jungkook felt pretty in tune with it –only for a moment did he feel self conscious when they entered the reception hall with all the music and shouting and dancing and he immediately spotted Alex, right where he’d left her, watching the whole thing.
She turned away when she saw him, but it was just to take Rebekah’s hand and dance with her, like most of the guests were doing. In a way it made him feel like they were dancing together. At least they were in the same party, the same celebration. Did she think this was cool? Would she want this much noise and attention made about–
OK, he was not going to think about Alex and weddings before he’d even gotten to really talk to her! Besides, he didn’t think she would want that much attention. But maybe she did? Turned out there were a lot of things he didn’t know.
Well, he’d know long before they got to that point. If they got to that point! Oh god, marriage?! He just wanted to rub her velvet ass!
Ok, no, he wanted more than that. A lot more than that. Inclusive of that.
Thank god the drums were loud enough to drown out his panic again. He had an image to uphold. Just because he was nervous seeing Alex again for the first time in so long didn’t mean he needed to get ahead of himself. Step one was just to convince her to let him back into her life. That was the goal for this evening. Be Alex and JK: Friends Forever again.
*
Alex had prepared to feel bad for Jungkook and Taehyung that they’d be stuck sitting up at tables near the front, but then it turned out they were at the same table as her after all. Not next to her though; her seat had her between Namjoon and Sabina. She wondered if that was reflective of when she and Jungkook had not been talking. They’d separated them. And sure they could have just ignored the seating chart but for some reason no one did. They sat at their assigned seats at their round table and fidgeted with the water glasses and silverware and little cardstock nametags. They caused a ruckus at their table as they got situated with their drinks and appetizers, fighting over whose knife was whose, and damn it felt good to be back among her friends, even if her dumb sister was there too. They cheered the loudest at Taehyung’s best man speech, and the additions Jungkook made when he crashed it, that set both of them and Jimin off crying just like they had in the ceremony.
Jungkook looked so cute when he cried. His nose and eyes got so red and his pout gained strength. The contrast of it was just so funny because he obviously looked handsome as shit in his tuxedo but then his little baby eyes were flooding his pout like he hadn’t got the color milk cup he wanted.
Damn he cleaned up well. So well. So well he looked like he belonged in this kind of high-dollar, elegant, sophisticated world that Jimin and In’am had invited them into for their wedding. Alex had known In’am came from money but she did not realize Jimin did as well, and honestly the whole wedding was fucking bonkers. Alex had felt overdressed until she got here and now worried she was underdressed. Her dress was simple, floor-length, a-line, faux-wrap, flutter sleeves, honestly the fanciest fucking thing she’d ever worn, but not elaborate the way so many of the other women were dressed with their bright colors and sparkling jewels. There was so much gold in this room right now but her only gold was the little necklace her mom had given her for her birthday a few years ago and earrings she had borrowed from May. Her dress wasn’t actually an expensive one. She’d taken a chance on one of those online websites that seemed too good to be true, but the thing had fucking delivered. She felt pretty.
Pretty enough to get noticed? Maybe so…
Maybe it was just the glow carrying over from In’am’s henna night, which she had danced her face off at, and stayed up all night talking with more of In’am’s friends and sisters and cousins than she had met before, and just basked in the joy and love and cultural tradition. It made her a little sad her own family wasn’t more traditional. She’d said as much to her mom, who had threatened to whack her with the newspaper after apparently complaining a little too much growing up about the ways in which they were. But Egyptian traditions were so cool! Her mom had whacked her on the arm.
She just found the wedding magical and overwhelming, way more than she had expected to, since her visibility into the planning of it had been all the stress and drama. She hadn’t understood the true scale of it, even after the engagement party. The one where she had asked Jungkook to come as her date and he’d so emphatically turned her down.
And here he was, dateless, just like he had wanted.
And here she was dateless too, but actually it wasn’t so bad. It left her free to snicker into her napkin every time Namjoon made a quiet, bitter comment under his breath during the speeches that accompanied dinner. He wasn’t serious; clearly he was doing it for laughs, and it was working, earning him lots of laughs from her and Rebekah on his other side and Yoongi on the other side of her. Yoongi who was oddly here without his fiance.
Ok, maybe Alex was exaggerating her laughter a little. Because Jungkook kept glancing over when she laughed, and also she just wanted to be clear to everyone that she didn’t have a date because of her own choice. She’d had a wonderful boyfriend who had been fully prepared to escort her to this wedding.
And then she’d dumped him in the airport. Not her best moment. But so it happened, and now she was single at this wedding.
And here was Jungkook too, without a date, not yet latched onto anyone else.
She didn’t want to seem as pathetically eager for his attention as she was. She leaned on her friends for strength. It led her to do other stupid things besides laughing too loud and drinking too much champaign too early in the evening and accidentally, in a moment of messing around with Namjoon, flinging a spoonful of rice onto the floor. Not her fault! Namjoon’s! He seemed unusually playful too. It was his fault.
She worried she was being too loud and annoying.
She needed to do something less obvious. Less desperate-seeming. Less Jungkook-attention-seeking.
So in a fit of bold stupidity, after a truly fascinating performance by the quartet of bellydancers who had led the procession in, when they ran through the tables passing out jingly scarves to encourage guests to come dance with them and Sabina grabbed Alex’s arm, she went. Why not? Get away from the table, away from trying not to make eye contact with Jungkook, look bold and brave and single ready to mingle just in case, you know, anyone was watching or something.
Alex tied a jingly scarf around her hips and attempted to bellydance in the middle of the dance floor.
“I can’t move my hips like this,” Alex giggled to Sabina, clutching her arm as the bellydancers tried to lead them.
“You can,” Sabina insisted, taking her arms so they danced facing each other, which helped Alex drown out the knowledge she was bellydancing in the middle of a wedding where most people were not. Granted, it was a crowd on the dancefloor doing this, and others were dancing at their tables, and she didn’t feel like there was really anyone paying attention to her but still. “Wiggle like you are getting fucked!”
The laughter from Alex was nearly a shout as she gave Sabina a playful shove, “That’s not right! That’s what you look like?” Despite Sabina’s elegance and beauty, these movements didn’t come natural to her either; she was sort of cute and stiff with her gyrations. Alex watched one of the bellydancers –who was actually very close to her own body type! That was cool!-- and tried to move her hips and shoulders the way the professionals did. All sizes could look good belly dancing. Theoretically.
She was sure it wasn’t working. But actually it was really fun and playful to try, and the jingle of the scarf did make her feel a little sexy about her attempts. And even if she looked silly, all right, who fucking cared? She didn’t have to dance to the beat or impress anyone, it wasn’t about that. This was new Alex, Alex 3.0, Alex who did what she wanted and enjoyed herself and celebrated the love of her friends unabashedly and tried new things with limited fear and didn’t give a shit what other people thought about her and what she wanted, Alex who went after the things she wanted in life. Alex who surrounded herself with people and things and goals that let her feel like enough.
Alex who was actually kind of digging this belly dancing thing. Maybe she should take a class or something? She was kind of feeling this! When the dancers moved through all of them and she found herself surrounded by happy, joyful, beautiful women, she felt that same tidal wave lifting her as she had at the henna night.
Yeah. This was going to be a good night. She could feel it through the drumbeat echoing in her bones.
Catch me if you can, she thought in Jungkook’s direction, trying not to look over at him. But also she wouldn’t make it hard. But also she wanted to feel the effort.
“I’m going to tie this on Namjoon,” Alex said to Sabina. “Let’s get everyone up now?”
“I refuse to give this to Tae, he will keep it!”
Alex wished she felt confident yet to go up to Jungkook and tie the scarf around him. Soon, she thought. I hope. She glanced at her phone as they sauntered back to the table. Barely 6pm. But not yet, she grinned, because the night was just beginning, and Alex had come dressed to party, so party she would.
“Namjoon! Dance!”
“Whaa? No… I’m finishing my food.”
“Get up, you oaf, your turn to shake your hips. It’s your friend’s wedding, don’t be a spoilsport.”
He sighed and stood up as if he didn’t have a choice. Most people were done eating now. The dinner music was still going as people finished their meals, but the belly dancing seemed to signal a transition to the dancing part of the evening.
“Hey, when’s the cake?” Taehyung asked. “I want to make Jimin laugh when he cuts it with the sword.”
Rebekah gave him a look and prodded, “Shouldn’t you know? Aren’t you one of the groomsmen running this thing?”
“Oh shit, no, they don’t tell us anything,” Taehyung laughed. “They just tell us to stand places, look pretty, and make sure Jimin doesn’t break his nose again.”
“He feels guilty, it was his fault,” Yoongi explained to all with a snicker.
“It was not!”
Taehyung wrestled the scarf out of Sabina’s hands despite her protests and insisted as he shoved it against Jungkook’s scarf, “It was. Now dance your penance. Let’s see how many fish you catch.”
“Nah, man, I’m not fishing tonight,” Jungkook said with the air of a designated driver. Alex’s head tilted. What… did that mean? Was that good or bad? Related to her or not? Was he thinking of a +1 he didn’t get to bring or… had he sworn off sex or something?! This might complicate things…
May leaned around and stole the scarf and turned to Minxi with a gleam in her eyes, despite Minxi’s adamant shake of her head and announcement, “I don’t dance.”
“For me?”
“Privately.”
“Yeah, me too, I only dance privately these days,” Jungkook agreed as if their conversations were connected.
“Oh yeah? For who?” Taehyung demanded.
“You snails are too slow, I’m going to dance, goodbye!” Alex shouted, and grabbed Rebekah’s hand, and fled to the crowd of the dance floor to escape. Even though she’d eaten so much at dinner she felt like puking. Better not to do that right in front of Jungkook, yeah?
*
Jungkook had lost sight of Alex. Easy to do since she was so short. He ought to have tied a balloon to her wrist –a joke he had made many times over the years, at concerts and amusement parks. She had reacted about as you’d expected: offended but also demanding he buy her a balloon.
He sighed. After she’d run off to dance with Rebekah earlier, he’d had a hard time engineering their paths crossing. He’d try to dance near her and then she’d be gone for cake. He’d try to meet up with her for cake but she’d be getting a new drink. He’d try to grab wine from a tray to save her the line but then she’d be back on the dance floor. And then just as he’d get close to her, the damn event planner would be flagging him down for some other groomsman duty: joining a traditional dance, carting the gifts out to In’am’s brother’s car so he could take them home before anything got lost, helping Jimin’s grandmother out to her ride because she was ready to go home very early.
He was frustrated. The evening was rushing by and he wasn’t getting any time in Alex’s orbit. Everything was in the way. Everything was fucking interfering–
A hand touched his arm and then quickly pulled back; he stepped to the side, assuming someone was trying to squeeze past him to the dance floor he’d been surveying for any sight of her.
But it was Alex who looked up at him now from beneath the fringe of her hair.
“Hey,” he greeted, realizing he sounded more surprised than cool. He sounded like he’d been looking for her. He didn’t want to be that obvious.
“Hey, um… do you… want to dance? With me?” She blink at him, owlish in her ask. She shouldn’t be owlish. His heart thudded heavily in his chest at the question. No lead up. No prep. She’d just asked him outright. So straightforward. He would have fumbled for a while probably.
“Oh. Uh yeah, sure.”
“I still suck, just to be clear.”
“Ok–”
“I don’t want to mess up your game or anything–” She broke off when he touched her shoulder, nudging her to the dance floor. Her whole posture went rigid, like she was being marched to the principal’s office. Jungkook would have liked to reassure her but was too busy holding himself back from touching her more; he let his hand fall away from her shoulder in an attempt not to just wrap his arms around her and confess: whatever you want, yes, all you have to do is ask, I’ve been looking for you all night, don’t wander off again.
The anticipation of touching her again made him jumpy. When she suddenly turned and stopped, he plowed into her and grabbed her shoulders to keep them both from falling, which pulled them close together. Just as quickly they sprang apart.
He wasn’t prepared for her laugh, “You aren’t nearly as smooth as I always thought.”
“Shut up,” he grumbled. “I’m just nervous.”
“Bout what?” Her eyebrows lifted up behind her bangs. Teasing him. Taunting him. Fuck he had missed this.
“It looks like you don’t have eyebrows anymore.”
She huffed and swiped at them, brushing them to a slant so he could see a little more forehead and one eyebrow.
“There, better?” She lifted her hands to his shoulders, reaching high, but it felt too middleschool to him, even though he liked that it pulled her close. But shit in looking down at her face it was impossible not to be drawn deep into the line of her cleavage just beneath her chin, like the view was just perfect and he didn’t want that to show on his face, so he tugged her hand into his for a more proper dance position. He admired more than her tits, they were just so there tonight! Taunting him too! Everything about her taunted him tonight. Why had she worn this dress, damn!
The music was faster but they just swayed at their own pace, shuffling a little with each step. Jungkook focused at first on making sure he didn’t step on her toes or the hem of her dress or bump her into anyone else –anything to try and distract him from the reality he was dancing this close with Alex, that her body was very close to pressing against his and her hand was in his, until he could handle that knowledge. Her hand was sweaty but so was his so maybe she couldn’t tell about him.
“So…” Her lips pursed into a duck pout. He wanted to kiss her.
“Can’t believe you got bangs,” he teased. There. Easy. Simple. She’d always said bangs would make her look like a fifth grader.
Her smile was immediate, a little bashful as she admitted, “Yeah, it wasn’t a great decision but–”
“--I think they look nice–”
“Bangs are like the thing you do after a break up, I guess? It’s a rule. It’s in the handbook. I finally got my copy..”
“Ah.” Break up. Break up. She mentioned they broke up. She just put it out there. She just said it. “Um, I’m sorry to hear you uh–”
“Are you?”
“No,” he admitted. He was relieved she laughed too. Was it like Yoongi? He wanted to ask but didn’t. Just used his fingers on her back to pull her a little closer. “Sorry I wasn’t there to buy you ice cream this time.”
“It’s ok. Raincheck.”
“For… after your next breakup?”
“I hope not.”
His skin was tingling. He felt like she might be having a different conversation or he might be misunderstanding and reading too much into the things she said so he shut his mouth for a moment and just enjoyed swaying with her. He looked around at the other couples and groups dancing. It felt like they were in a different place, dancing to different music. There were loud groups of people still clustered around tables, some drinking, some just loudly talking. The dimmed overheads and fairy lights actually made everything feel a little like prom. And he was just here, drifting in the middle of it all. With Alex. Perfectly, finally at peace.
He realized his fingers were stroking the fabric at her shoulder and, to hide this gaf, said, “Your dress is really nice. Really soft.”
“You like it? I worried it was a little low cut but–”
“Nah, it’s perfect–”
“Might seem too aggressive.”
“Aggressive?”
“You know, like… too obvious.”
“Too obviously… hot?”
“Is that what you think it is?” she asked him, looking up, bangs hiding her brows again. They did make her look younger but it wasn’t a bad thing either way.
“Yeah, it’s hot as fuck.” Shit, maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “I mean, you look really pretty,” he hurried to add, even though that felt nauseatingly vulnerable for some reason. What, he couldn’t tell Alex she looked pretty? Yeah, he couldn’t. He always felt like a compliment like that to her would say too much. Show too much genuine interest. Or she wouldn’t believe him. Or she wouldn’t want that kind of attention from him.
“You clean up pretty nice,” she countered. “I liked your speech.”
“I liked your belly dancing–”
“Hey, be nice.”
“I’m serious!”
“You know I can’t dance.”
“I really liked it.”
“Are you being gross?” she demanded, a spark of their old relationship, and he felt great joy in admitting, “Yes.” But then worried it was too much, too quick, they hadn’t been comfortable in so long and corrected, “No, but I mean–”
“Uh huh.”
“Ah, Alex…” he sighed and didn’t know what else to say, just looked away and was grateful she was short so it was easy not to look in her face. He wondered if she’d know if he wiped his sweaty hand off on her dress. He was really sweating. It was going to soak through his shirt.
“I guess your– Anita hasn’t been keeping up with you?”
It was the most awkward and blatant fishing attempt he’d ever seen. Alex didn’t have grace for that kind of game, a thing he loved about her.
“Well, funny story–”
“That starts with a threesome?”
“What?”
“Ooh, are you starting to squirm?” she giggled, looking actually gleeful. “You’ll look like an asshole if you run away and leave me mid-song.” It was the second song but he didn’t point that out because obviously he wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m not running away, I just– what are you–” His eyes narrowed. “Who’s been telling you what?”
“Just a little bird–”
“Aleeeeex,” he leaned a little closer to sound serious and insisted, “Just ask me what you want to know.”
“You aren’t dating Anita, right?”
He snorted, “No, I’m not dating Anita.” Her eyes looked so dark and sparkly when she looked up at him from this angle, and he thought she might be a little serious right now too. “I’m not dating anyone, if anyone wants to know.”
“Right, you don’t date.”
“I–”
“You don’t go to a party or a wedding with someone, but you always leave with one. Or two, if it’s your birthday!”
“Ok, that’s not quite what you think.”
“What do I think?” she asked, and duck-lip pouted again, and looked up at him with challenge. He started to feel nervous for other reasons now, like this was rocky and whatever this was might be about to break apart. He couldn’t tell if she was seriously amused or not because all these years he’d always thought she was amused but maybe she hadn’t been if she had secret romantic feelings for him. Actually maybe Alex was really good at hiding things from him.
“Are you mad?”
“No, you’re a free man to do whatever you want.”
“Our birthday party… ah,” he sighed, and looked away again and shuffled her to the side so they could move further from the speakers and hear each other better without having to talk so loudly anyone else could overhear. “I was really sad and got too drunk because you weren’t there. Maybe I did um… ask Anita and Seychelle to go home with me… I was drunk enough to shoot my shot.” He grimaced. “They took me home and put my drunkass right to bed and then fucked on our couch.”
“What?!” Alex gasped and pulled away and let out a cackle of a laugh. “No!”
“Yeah…. I guess I cried and then fell asleep in the car or something…” He hated admitting the pathetic truth but felt like maybe it was better that she understood ok, maybe he had tried to have a threesome on his birthday, but it was because he’d wanted something wild to soothe his broken heart, not because his feelings about her weren’t true.
“No, we said no sex on the couch!” she laughed and hit him on the arm as if he’d done the deed.
“Well I didn’t have sex on the couch! They did it without me!”
They were too loud and people looked over at them but her laughter was a relief.
“Oh my god that is so embarrassing for you… I was going to tease you about finally getting the threesome of your dreams but this is way better! I mean, not the part about you drunk crying, but…”
“Yeah yeah… as long as you’re happy about it…” he grumbled.
“But damn, Seashell’s really moving through our group, huh? What do you think, would she like me in this dress? She didn’t seem interested in me when I–”
She held her arms up in dance position again, a childish wordless request to resume dancing, and he nearly tripped in his haste, sliding into her space again.
“Don’t talk to Seashell,” he interrupted.
“Ahhh, are you jealous because she outfucked you?”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, are you feeling competitive? She’s getting more sex than you from your own friends–”
“I don’t want sex with my friends,” he snorted. “Uh… most of them…” Shit, was it better to say that or not say that?
“I knew you and Taehyung were a little too close–”
“Alex,” he whined and laughed and pinched her shoulder. “Don’t spread rumors about me.”
“Yeah, I know, you hate attention, huh?” He scowled. She returned his stare. He loved her so deeply it made him want to laugh and slap his own face. How had he not understood what this feeling was in moments like this? Because these moments weren’t new.
She was the one to continue, “Well, I suspected you weren’t dating Anita, but I did think you got your threesome. I’m both relieved and sad for you.”
“Relieved, huh? Why, jealous? You were getting railed plenty–”
“Ok, let’s not quite say it like that,” she rolled her eyes.
“But would you be? Jealous?” he pressed, desperate for her to say yes.
She shrugged, “I don’t know. I had just turned you down.”
“Yeah. Broke my heart,” he joked though it wasn’t a joke.
She retaliated, “Besides, if I let myself get jealous every time you fucked a girl…”
“But did you? Feel that way every time?” The question was too serious. Oops. It had rolled off his tongue without him thinking it through. Before she could answer, he teased, “Whatever, I had a bunch of swings and misses in a row. And yet here you are, alone at the wedding you wanted a date for.”
Her voice had the same wistful, teasing tone to it when she added, “Dancing badly with you in front of everyone even though you wanted to be left alone so you could find a bridesmaid to fuck.”
“Ah, shit, you really know how to punch a guy in the nuts.”
“I just said the truth!”
“No,” he insisted. “The truth is I’m right where I want to be right now.”
“That’s not what you said back then,” she sang. She was still trying to keep it light. He appreciated that. He could also appreciate there was some fair muscle behind these jabs as they circled each other and tried to suss out the updates, the truths, the right nows.
“Yeah, but I was an asshole back then,” he said. “I’m a changed man now.”
“Mm-hm.”
“Turns out I don’t like you leaving me alone.”
“Yeah,” she snorted. He wasn’t actually sure what she meant by that, but she was still in his arms and didn’t actually seem mad so he’d take it. Actually, what he didn’t want to say was that he was thrilled other people were seeing them dance together for going on a third song now. He was psyched that people passed them or glanced over at them and in their minds saw a more permanent connection between him and Alex, the kind that didn’t end with after a single song. Maybe they were thinking oh, they’re together, that’s cute. Maybe they were thinking damn that’s an attractive couple.
“Jungkook.”
“Yes,” he responded to the summons from his drifting thoughts. Her bangs had fallen down again and without thinking about it, he brushed them back to the side. She caught his hand and twisted the other so she had both hands in her grasp, commanding his attention.
“I broke up with my boyfriend two and a half weeks ago and I still feel kind of shitty about it.”
“Oh.”
“We don’t have to talk about it. It just sucks to know I wasn’t my best self and I was kind of selfish and shitty in the end and… it’s really embarrassing when someone sees the bad parts of you, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I mean, he was a great boyfriend. He did everything right and he was kind and thoughtful and–”
“Ok, I know. He was the best guy to ever walk the earth. I got it. I saw it–”
“Yeah and I keep breaking up with these great guys and just for…”
For me. Say for me, he pleaded in his mind. But the new song was louder and people started jumping behind her. He tugged her close and spun so she was on the outside of the dance floor, safe from being bumped or nudged. It was harder to hear though over the louder music. He leaned down to hear whatever she might say next but he must have leaned too close because she blinked at him in surprise.
And then she lifted onto her toes and took hold of his shoulders and kissed him. Rushed and clumsy, full of uncertainty, and obvious impulse . Her lips just pressed to his, hurried, without any plan.
It was the best kind of kiss Jungkook hadn’t even hoped for.
A kiss!
She kissed him!
He slid his arms quickly around her to keep her steady as she teetered, maybe trying to pull away too quickly.
Impulse kiss? He wouldn’t leave her wondering if it was welcome.
“Get back here,” he murmured and chased her mouth, the only action his brain could handle right now as bright lights and warmth flooded his consciousness. Soft, full, sweet-tasting glossy lips against his and he’d never felt so inexperienced in his life. Her hands pressed to either side of his neck, little electric shocks at every point of contact between their bodies, at the touch of her fingers, of her lips, of her nose squashed against his.
She pulled away and he couldn’t have said for his life how long the kiss lasted. An hour? A second? Someone jostled against his back but Alex was staring at his face as if searching for something so he remained rooted to the spot in case she was going to kiss him again.
No, she was really studying him, and it made him nervous now.
“What?” he asked, eyes narrowing to hide how naked that stare made him feel.
“No regrets? No puking? Did that feel like kissing your sister?”
He was shocked by her bluntness. God, he loved Alex’s bluntness. After so many months of the confusion and disappointment and feeling like a fucking idiot to have realized his own feelings too late and worrying he’d been hurting her all along if she had allegedly loved him for so long, the way she poked at the painful parts just felt so comforting and familiar. It brought the important things right into focus. They joked about things. They could joke. And he knew her well enough to see the serious part of the joke. Because they did know each other, they shared a language and an understanding that went way back, that was true even if they were still learning new things about each other and themselves.
“I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking about that, let me see again,” he said, and leaned in. There was a laugh in the kiss this time though; he swallowed her giggles as her fingers brushed his cheek, and she sort of curled away but not really. It was like the kiss tickled her but she didn’t actually want to escape, that’s what it was like. Her lips were slower this time, more comfortable against his, he thought. He kept his face near hers even though he had to hunch and admitted lowly, “I don’t have a sister but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t kiss one like this.”
“No? It seems to work in Game of Thrones–”
“Have you even watched that show?”
“No! I’m not paying for HBO!”
Jungkook started laughing and couldn’t stop. It was embarrassing but joy and relief just suddenly bubbled over and he couldn’t stop it. Kissing her left him giddy. High. He had no choice but to drag her in for a hug, or maybe she stepped closer on her own, and he just molded around her, tucking her into his body. So many months of brokenness and the absence of her and uncertainty about whether he’d ever even get to laugh with her again healed as she stepped right back into the Alex-shaped hole in his heart. He closed his eyes and let the wedding fade even further into the background and just existed in this moment with his cheek pressed to the top of her head.
“I really missed you,” he thought she said against his chest.
He let out a long, slow breath, and then, “I know.”
She laughed and punched him in the back, “‘I know?’ Ok Han Solo! That’s not what you say!”
“No, I did too! I mean I know because I did too!”
“Uh huh.”
He squeezed her so tight and breathed in the scent of her shampoo even though it was different than the one she used before and he wondered if that was permanent or temporary. He didn’t know. He still didn’t really know anything except that kissing her was a Good Thing.
Sometimes it was fun to joke but sometimes they needed to be serious, he was learning that, so he pulled away enough to cradle her face and kiss her forehead through her messy bangs and breathed, “I really missed you, Alex.”
Her hands circled his wrists and he felt the pressure of her leaning into the kiss. Another Good Thing.
Then she quickly leaned away and laughed, “Ok, well good, I’m glad you didn’t forget me.” All jokes again, her whole demeanor as though they hadn’t just shared the kind of kisses that changed everything about a day, a relationship, a life trajectory. Ah, fuck, he wanted to just brush the bangs back from her face and kiss her again and tickle her so she’d kick him and he could twist her around to protect himself and wrap her up tighter in his arms and whisper things at her ear to make her yell at him–
“Uh, I think we should go– to our friends over– um–” She grabbed his wrist and took off, weaving through the crowd of dancers. He didn’t even understand where they were going, still too flustered by his own thoughts, by the briefest glimpse of that roaring want for Alex that had cracked open now because she’d kissed him. On purpose. She had initiated all of that!
Did she regret it now? Was she trying to escape? But she was holding his wrist, dragging him along with her. If she was escaping, she was taking him too. That was cute.
Somehow despite the limits of her height, she found her way to the group of their friends dancing on the far side of the dance floor. They didn’t seem to think anything was off but Jungkook could feel Alex’s energy even from behind; she squeezed his wrist and released him, walked straight through their group, and made a beeline for the open bar.
Halfway there she stopped and turned and caught his eye –easily because he’d been watching her still, trying to decide if she was fleeing a mistake or just feeling as overwhelmed as he was right now. She pointed at the bar and at him, a question on her face. He nodded and shrugged to answer that he knew she’d think next what do you want? Should he go with her? Probably, right? Or he should offer to get the drinks?
But she wanted a breath, he felt like that was true. She’d fled, but not completely, just for a moment.
Ah, had he kissed her really good? He grinned at the possibility that he was better at it than she’d expected. Wait, had she doubted him?! That hadn’t even been his best. He would kiss her breathless next time, until he felt her wobbling in his arms. He’d kiss her until she gasped or moaned or whimpered –which kind of noise would she make? He’d find out!
Though in fairness, she was way way way better at kissing than he had expected. Way better. Wow. Damn. He hadn’t expected Alex to give the kind of kisses that lingered on your lips for this long; he could still feel the tingles. It all felt a little fake with her gone and it wasn’t like he understood all that had just happened but at least it seemed like Alex was back in his life and he was along for whatever that ride was. Apparently it would involve kisses.
Single. Single Alex. Only a couple weeks single so maybe she wasn’t wanting to jump right into something. Ok. Ok, but she had kissed him so… he was on her mind. That was a good place to be. Hands on her body was good. Lips on hers was good–
Fuck, he was grinning too big and his friends were looking at him suspiciously. He knew that look, like they thought he’d wandered off and fucked someone in a closet. This was better!
His dance moves weren’t cool, they were mindless and distracted. He couldn’t help it. He let the joy run through his body, braided with nerves, anticipation of whatever was to come with Alex. He had no fucking clue! But maybe something! Maybe? Unless he’d scared her off?
She came back with drinks –plum wine for them each. He felt his ego swell when she handed him his glass. She was going to taste so good to kiss again– he choked on a too-big gulp of his wine as she slid past him, her own wine glass in hand, and leapt into the center of their friends with a shout. All bright, happy, fun Alex. Alex letting loose. Alex who caught his gaze again because he didn’t want to look anywhere but her and then covered her face and turned shyly away.
Shit he loved her a lot, and it didn’t feel painful anymore. Just warm and eager and hopeful. Was he making her shy? Should he flirt with her and see if he could make her really shy?
He knocked back the rest of his wine, too fast, so he’d have his hands free as he rejoined the circle of his friends to show off his own moves. If their friends noticed anything different about either one of them… so what?
***
Well shit. Shit shit shit. Shit fucking shit.
Alex’s plans were derailed almost as soon as she’d set them into motion.
Because what the fuck was up with that forehead kiss? And the way he’d pulled her into his arms and just held her?
Fuck!
And the way he’d kissed her, all soft lips and gentle hands and this little rushed warm breath that she’d felt more than heard because of the loud music.
Why was he so earnest suddenly? So different? It was terrifying! What if Jungkook was actually a very sweet, loving, sincere boyfriend?! Obviously that didn’t come from experience, what if that was just who he was when it came down to it? Would she actually be surprised? But he’d just been such a fuckboy for so long…
She just hadn’t expected the warmth. She hadn’t expected him to be so serious. She hadn’t expected to get so instantly wrapped up in him and so yeah, she needed some air, and some wine, and then some more air, and then some running around with just Rebekah, avoiding her sister who would probably say something just to set her off, and Jungkook off at a safe distance.
She was afraid Jungkook would kiss her again. She was afraid he’d ask her a blunt question she wasn’t ready to answer yet. She was afraid he wouldn’t ask her anything at all and she’d be disappointed.
She just needed to figure out a few things first. She’d had a couple weeks now both to process the sadness about ending her relationship with Hoseok and think honestly about what she needed before attempting anything more with Jungkook: She needed some answers she could be sure weren’t lies. She needed to see if the feelings were there and authentic –not just companionship and comfort and familiarity, but romance, desire. Lust.
She just wanted to be lusted after, ok? Specifically by Jungkook.
She wanted a sense of how hard she’d have to work to shape her previous friendship with Jungkook into something that more resembled the kind of relationship she wanted with a romantic partner.
And yeah she had not expected kisses like that, just right there in front of everyone! Her kiss had been impulsive but he’d pushed it further! Good luck fucking a bridesmaid now! (hehe) And she had not expected him to just hold her like that. Or sweetly kiss her forehead.
Fuck, she was melting and they hadn’t even talked about whether there was the possibility of something between them. Her plans were wavering –because yes, she’d come with plans. She’d dressed for plans. She had really uncomfortable underwear on for plans!
“Ah, my handsome sexy man,” Sabina cooed, spotting Taehyung across the ballroom. It was getting late, though the party was still going in full swing. Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin had their hands on each other's shoulders, dancing in a little circle, kicking their feet. After a moment, she realized Jimin wasn’t actually on the ground; Taehyung and Jungkook were holding him up. It was ridiculous. They were so ridiculous. But hearing Sabina so affectionately claim Taehyung, Alex felt that tug in her chest towards Jungkook. My handsome sexy man?
No. That couldn’t be right. It sounded impossible that she could ever claim Jungkook as hers. Well, in a way she’d always claimed him as hers, while also knowing that possessiveness she felt about him wasn’t an actual romantic claim. She’d never been an option. When all eyes in the room noticed him, his scanned for the hottest woman around and off he went with her, and that woman was never Alex.
“Let’s go dance again,” Sabina suggested, grabbing Alex’s arm. The woman had eternal stamina. Alex’s own was flagging, and she cast about for Rebekah to hold her back, but her traitor friend had wandered off somewhere else. The roadbump of her own sulky thoughts prickled her skin as she and Sabina drew closer –as she saw a woman lean in close to ask Jungkook something and he laughed and waved her off. Had it been a proposition?! Just out of the blue! Probably, right? Jungkook was that kind of hot…
See, the jealousy was going to be a problem. If Alex didn’t have confidence, if she didn’t feel like she could trust Jungkook’s attention was sincere, it wasn’t going to work, and that was part of the test. She was tired of being jealous.
He yawned, and then saw her and covered his mouth, nodding his head as he tried to laugh at himself. She had to yell to be heard over the music as she got close,
“Long day?”
“I’m rallying,” he said, sliding his hand around to her back. It felt… assertive? Possessive? Predatory? But in a good way, attentive, like–
Like he was putting on moves and she was the target.
She leaned into that same energy, or tried to, and slid her hand up to his chest as she asked, “Care for another dance?”
“You like dancing with me, huh?” he grinned. She must have seemed as cool as she didn’t feel on the inside. She nodded. He didn’t even look back at their friends as he tugged her a few steps away and against him, sliding his fingers up her arm to take her hand in his. It was so casually, familiarly done, as if they’d been dancing together like this for years. He just seemed so cool about it all, much cooler than earlier.
“Are you drunk?” she guessed.
“Me? No. Are you?”
“Nope.”
He began to lead her in steps, just small, easy, totally off beat at first but a slower song started and it was easier to move at that pace. She kept looking up at him and then away, embarrassed to make eye contact, afraid he’d read her plan too easily.
Alex was going to see if he’d take her home and have sex with her.
Because she’d know right away this last part that she wasn’t so sure about: can he desire me? Or am I just a challenge, a novelty, and he’ll be done with me once he’s gotten what he wants?
Right now, he was single and hot and in a position of visibility at this wedding. There were tons of gorgeous women here. If he didn’t want to take her home from a public place where hot women would see them leave together, well that was that then. And she’d be taking a piece of advice from Jungkook’s own book, right? Have sex early, see if he means it.
Was it good advice? Bad? Honestly, that didn’t matter. Maybe it was a stupid idea. Could Jungkook be with her even when she did dumb things? Could she be embarrassingly herself with him? Could she feel comfortable admitting this insecurity to him and feel genuinely reassured, if he wanted her to be?
But also.
But also: Could Alex be the woman Jungkook Jeon chose to take him with him? Could he want to fuck her?
He was smiling about something, she noticed. She didn’t ask but he leaned down closer to her ear and mused,
“You’re thinking really hard about something.”
“Maybe.”
“What’s up? What are you so serious about? It doesn’t matter if we get off beat–”
“No, not that.”
“Ok.”
She hesitated. No, it was pathetic. The rejection would be brutal. She shouldn’t say anything, she should just enjoy whatever dances she could have with him. Maybe she could steal another kiss later. That was still progress. That was still incredible. This wedding was magical and over the top and exhausting and she could carry away those precious moments they had together earlier as her souvenir and figure out the rest another day. Or maybe he’d ask her later to go home with him? That’s what she really would have preferred… but what if he didn’t? She did realize he might not, just out of kindness or respect, even if he wanted to. He might be trying to keep giving her the space she had asked him for months ago, even though he knew she was single now, even though she’d kissed him.
“Alex, what is it?” he asked, and this time brushed her hair back over her shoulder. The feathery touch and the soft gesture made her shudder.
Ok but… couldn’t she be the girl who got railed after a wedding for once? Couldn’t the hottest guy here take her home? This hot guy? Who kept looking at her so closely and smelled so nice and had his hands firm against her back and around her fingers?
Fuck, he was so beautiful to look at. She’d kissed him now and she wanted more. She wanted him. She wanted him to want her. She wanted so badly for this specific dream to come true, tonight, and worried she had only set herself up for failure. The want left her breathless. It seemed impossible they’d already kissed, and even more impossible they’d ever kiss again.
Could he ever feel this way when he looked at her?
In a poor attempt at self restraint, she avoided blurting out will you take me home and fuck me, substituted instead for the almost worse request,
“Will you kiss me here?” Followed by her hand lifting off his arm and tapping the side of her neck.
Fucking hell, what had gotten into her?!
And worst/best/worst of all, he did it. He didn’t even ask what the fuck she was on about. Without any hesitation, he leaned all the way down to press his warm mouth against the skin she had tapped. His lips lingered. In all seriousness, Alex felt like she nearly orgasmed alongside the full body shudder that such a blatantly intimate gesture caused. Thank fuck the music was too loud for him to hear the noise that stuck in her throat. She shivered and shirked her shoulders, squirming at the pure overload of pleasure, too much, too too much, it was so ticklish she’d scream, but the kind of too much you kind of wanted more of.
Instead of pulling away when she scrunched her shoulders, his arms just wrapped tightly around her and he chuckled against that sensitive skin and murmured criminally close to her ear, “Yeah, I thought that would be too much, you’re so ticklish.”
Damn he knew her so well.
And since his face was right there anyway, she turned hers, seeking his mouth. He seemed to realize immediately what she wanted because she didn’t have to ask. He brushed her hair back again, wringing another shiver from her that she tried to hide behind running her hands up his chest.
But shit, they were in public! The kiss had only just started but Alex suddenly felt like they were getting wildly out of control and pulled away. Jungkook looked confused and it embarrassed her, the way she ached. So quickly! Tonight was the first night she’d seen him in so long, since the arcade really –but memories of that night at the arcade fed the ache, they didn’t soothe it even a little.
“You’re not drunk?” he asked, brushing his hands against her face like he was checking for a fever.
“I’m not,” she huffed and brushed his hand defensively away. “I just…” She stared at him. He stared at her. Celebratory shouts somewhere else startled her and his small smile couldn’t be anything but endeared.
But suddenly his face took a serious look again and he leaned close, hand firm but careful on her arm as he insisted, “There’s nothing to be worried about with me, ok? I know you uh… you know how I feel about you. And I don’t know if you um– but I know you just broke up with your boyfriend and maybe you need time before you can think about what you want with me– if you even want anything! And that’s ok too, so don’t worry, I’m not going to pressure you for answers or–”
“I want to go home with you.”
“Huh?” His lips didn’t even part for the noise of surprise but his eyebrows went up and his eyes got wide.
Well shit that didn’t sound cool.
“I want…” God, it wasn’t even a test at this point. She saw what she wanted clearly. “I want to be the girl you take home from the wedding.”
“I’m not taking anyone home–”
“I want you to choose me,” she said. “I want you to take me home with you tonight.”
“Take you home with me and…” She couldn’t tell if he was in disbelief, or horrified, or genuinely not following what she was asking for.
“Take me home and fuck me, Jungkook, that’s what I mean–”
“Jesus, Alex–”
The sharp pain she felt in that moment stole her breath. She was so proud of herself for being bold and direct about what she wanted but his response felt like a rejection and she knew she sounded far less cool as she admitted,
“I thought you said you want that with me–”
“Oh, I do,” he said with an unexpected chuckle. “I do want to do that but I want more than that with you, Alex, and I don’t want to ruin the chance of more just because I got horny and impatient–”
“No, but I asked you to.”
“I know but–”
“Ok,” she said, and made to step back because this was mortifying. He caught hold of her quickly, pulling her close and saying near her ear,
“Please don’t look like that, it’s not that I don’t–”
“It’s ok if you don’t want–”
“Alex I can’t say the things I want to do to you because it’ll freak you out and I won’t risk my chance with you when I’m not even sure yet that you’re giving me a chance and we’re at this nice wedding and people will overhear and I’ll get kicked out and Jimin will never forgive me.” She could feel his lips brushing the edge of her ear as he spoke, his warm breath ghosting across the shell of her ear and the side of her neck. She felt completely consumed by him for just a moment, just like she wanted. His hands tightened on her body. She felt the intensity in his words. “Trust me, the way you look tonight is driving me fucking crazy and if you weren’t you I’d already have you over– but not because I don’t want you like that–” Obvious panic broke through the sexual heat of what he was saying as he overthought his own words. Alex hadn’t even been thinking he meant that. She was having a hard time breathing as all the blood rushed down her body and her heartbeat pounded painfully between her legs.
She kissed him, afraid she’d say something pathetic. She just wanted him to touch her right now. She’d take the closet or the backseat of the car or whatever, no wonder Jungkook got any woman he wanted saying things like this in that way, his gaze so dark and sparkly like that. She felt wild with want. And he was looking at her like that, which felt wild too. She felt like they were practically fucking on the dance floor, just right in front of everyone, standing so still and wrapped around and whispering to each other like this, lost in each other. Someone was going to complain about public indecency and kick them out.
“You’d already have me what? What would you do if I wasn’t me?” she prodded, keeping her face hidden by his shoulder so she could try and catch his breath. What had she been thinking, asking a question like that to try and catch her breath to?
“I want more than that with you.”
“More than what?”
“More than…” She felt him lick his lips. “More than finding some coat closet and dragging that dress of yours up and– don’t ask me these questions, it’s mean.”
“Why is it mean?!”
“Yah, you’re driving me crazy. We’re at a wedding, in front of everyone, our friends are looking for us–”
“Oh, you’re feeling shy?” she teased.
Instead of laughing, he paused before pulling away to look into her face as he admitted, “I want more than a wedding night one night stand with you but is that all you want from me?”
Fuck. What a tragic question. She saw it all written there on his face. He might as well have thrown a bucket of ice water over her head.
“I want both,” she answered as honestly as she could. “I want you to want to take me home for the night and do all those crazy things to me that have the instagram girls lining up to suck your dick and I want to wake up in your shirt the next morning and kick you in the butt until you make me breakfast and–”
“I want that too,” he said and took hold of her arms. “I want all of that too, Alex. I want all of that with you too. Everything we had before but also with the fucking and sucking and–”
“Seriously with your mouth?” she started to laugh. Because Jesus he was such a fuckboy with that mouth of his! He started laughing too and they curled together and she could still feel her heart pounding in various places throughout her body but she could breathe through it now, relieved that he was not actually rejecting her yet. The deepest sigh of relief rushed out but she wasn’t actually sure if it came from her body or his.
He was trying to be sweet. And thoughtful. And careful.
And now this confession was out in the open, in the very small space between their bodies.
In that moment, it was impossible not to look at his behavior, how he had been in the last few months, and not see how clearly different he had always treated her compared to other women as a good thing. This wasn’t the thought or effort or emotion he put into those women. This wasn’t a desperate grab for controlling a co-dependent friend’s time. This was a side of Jungkook he was showing only to her, that she had always seen some element of. Alex was special to him. She felt special to him.
Test passed. Even without the fucking.
“Ok,” she said. “I won’t sexually harass you anymore–”
“Wait no!”
“I mean I won’t pressure you into taking me home, just because it was my fantasy–”
“Wait no,” he said again, grinning at her giggles as he took her hands. “What do you mean it was your fantasy?”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the music!”
“Alex!”
She began to walk away and he, as she had predicted, dove after her, and wrapped his arms around her in a burst of old playful closeness. He laughed at her shoulder, forearms digging into her stomach, and while she noticed the softness, she didn’t feel self conscious about it at all.
Jungkook wanted to fuck her in a coat closet. Her. That was cool. He wasn’t doing it but he said he wanted to, and instead he was wrestling with her on the dance floor in the middle of a very expensive wedding, so that still counted for something.
“Ok ok ok you two,” Namjoon said, clapping his hands. “You’re making the grandmas clutch their pearls.”
Alex escaped from Jungkook’s grasp with a victory shout and spun a circle around Namjoon. As if he’d actually read her mind, Jungkook caged Namjoon in on the other side and they both started to grind and booty-bump their much taller friend.
“Hey. Guys. Guys! Ok, very funny!” He looked like he was going to flee this embarrassing display, but suddenly In’am and Jimin ran up to join and it wasn’t like Namjoon could flee them, they were the guests of honor!
Alex just felt so happy and free. When she caught Jungkook’s eye as he danced and laughed and rough-housed with his friends, she felt like a connection she had always depended on too much was in fact now real and safe and recognized. It wasn’t like they were even a thing yet but they were going to be, right? That’s what all this meant? That had just been a confession, right? They both wanted each other and short of giving it a try and realizing they were very wrong or very incompatible or something right away–
He wouldn’t let her down. Probably they’d both fuck up a lot but yeah, that’s how it went, right? If he kept crinkling his nose at her like that though she could forgive a lot of fuck ups.
Rebekah nudged her arm and wiggled her eyebrows. Just that was enough to make Alex cover her face, overwhelmed and embarrassing and giddy. She shirked her shoulders and held her hands out and grimaced.
“Good for you,” Rebekah smiled and flung her arm around Alex’s shoulder. “He better treat you right.”
“What!”
“You heard me. I may not seem like much but I can fight–”
“Rebekahhhh, are you drunk?” Alex giggled.
“A little bit.”
“Thanks for telling me things even if you weren’t sure if I’d want to hear them. I appreciate your honesty.”
“Oh yes, uh huh. I’m a pretty good friend.”
“And thanks for not trying to fuck my best friend.”
“Well, to be fair, he wouldn’t have gone for it anyway,” Rebekah admitted.
“No, that’s not true! You’re a vixen! The only thing that kept him safe was your loyalty to me, I know that–”
“Yes, that’s it! I barely even noticed he was hot.”
“I think you’re hanging out with May and Minxi too much, you get sassy when you drink now,” Alex laughed, swinging her around. Actually, the past six months had given her the chance to get closer with Rebekah too. There were lots of good things happening in her life. She was very loving and grateful for everything right now.
“Thanks for reminding me I’m still single.”
“Hey, I am too!”
“For like fifteen more minutes.”
Alex just laughed because she didn’t know what else to say. No, that wasn’t it. They weren’t talking about that! Yet! Damn, she felt drunk, but the only thing she knew to do to comfort Rebekah was dance until her friend was laughing again. Did she know anyone she could introduce Rebekah to? No, she’d be a terrible matchmaker. Wait, but Jungkook knew so many people. Ok. A nice little project for them to do together…
Alex glanced over and happened to notice Yoongi sitting at the table by himself, gaze trained on his phone. This was notable for several reasons. The first of course being that Alex had initially been so worried about showing up dateless to a wedding Yoongi would be at and now instead she didn’t care at all, but Yoongi had also shown up dateless and allegedly fiance-less now. The second being, if he was so bored, why was he still here?
She needed a break from the dancing and the noise and the whirlwind of emotions that wrapped her and Jungkook up everytime they were on the dance floor, so she wove her way through the chairs and collapsed in the seat beside Yoongi.
“Hey.”
“Oh, hey,” he greeted and lowered his phone. Then jerked his head towards the dancefloor and joked, “Good to see some progress after… how many years has it been?”
“Aish, come on,” she laughed.
“Never knew you could be so handsy but I guess it just had to be with the right guy,” he added. There was nothing mean or hurt in his voice though, more just relaxed. Teasing. Casual.
She nodded and shrugged, “Maybe. Maybe I’m just affected by the wedding. What’s gong on with you lately? Heard you’re around a lot more these days.”
“That a problem?”
“For me? No, of course not. We’re cool. I mean, you’re the one who might still be pining over me–”
“Nah, I’m over it.”
“Ok you could act a little more nostalgic for me,” she laughed.
“Sorry. Guess I’m a little…” He just waved his hand, a meaningless gesture.
Her sympathy was sincere as she offered, “Yeah, I heard you went through a recent breakup too but… bigger magnitude. Engaged.”
“Yeah, I’m aware.”
“Sorry,” she grimaced. Maybe she shouldn’t have repeated what Sabina told her.
“Eh. It was mutual, I guess. You know… sometimes other people can put a name on your feelings before you can do it yourself, you know?”
Her eyes narrowed as she said slowly, “.... Yes…” She followed his line of sight, easy to trace: to Namjoon. “Oh my god,” she gasped and grabbed his arm. “Are you in love with Namjoon?! Does he know?!”
“Maybe tomorrow morning? See you at breakfast?” Alex giggled. She wasn’t even embarrassed by her bawdry joke; she laughed at Yoongi’s surprised face. “Come on, that was objectively funny.”
“Eh.”
“It was! Me? With that kind of an ego? Us, exes, winding up with roommates? Oooh that would be so good, you’re such a good cook, just like Seokjin was–”
“Goodbye, Alex,” he said bluntly, but he was laughing at his phone as she stood up and looked around, feeling all her energy restored. Ready for another round of wedding. She could go all night at this rate. This was fun! Even unexpected closure and friendliness with Yoongi? What a great fucking night!
*
Where was Alex? Refrain of his night. If she wasn’t right against him, Jungkook was looking for her. He wanted to know where she was. He wanted to be able to reach her at any moment. Every kiss, every dance, every touch left him desperate for more.
The relief that came from being able to ground himself with her again was shockingly normal. He’d expected to feel awkward with her longer. A little nervous still, sure. But for all the anticipation he’d felt in the last few months at the thought of interacting with the girl he had a crush on, that girl was still Alex. Who made inappropriate jokes and kicked him when he teased her and scrunched her shoulders up exactly like he’d expected to when he kissed her neck after she’d asked him to. Alex who he could communicate with in a glance, and who made him laugh with a look, and swung between being the life of the party and then sneaking off for some alone time because it was too much.
Alex who had fucking shocked him to the core asking to go home with him.
And he’d said no!?!??
What the fuck was wrong with him?!
He was just in shock. He had hoped just to be near her tonight and instead they’d kissed and danced together and kissed more and then she brought up that and it just seemed like asking for too much. It made the evening veer into the unrealistic; this had to just be a dream, right?
Fuck, her little gasp when he’d kissed her neck. What had compelled her to ask for that? Of course he’d done it. God he wanted to hold her down and do it again, really make her gasp and squirm and cry out and cum–
Ok, he had not expected her to be so open and straightforward and just break his brain like this tonight. He was barely handling the dress! Be nicer to me, Alex. When did you get so mean?!
He ought to step back. He kept trying to put space so he could think rationally about the right thing to do. No short term thinking with Alex. He wanted the whole thing, the long term, the big picture with her. No just giving in to what he wanted to do when he had her in his grasp right now. He wanted to show he was mature and serious and respectful. She’d just had a breakup. He didn’t want to be a rebound.
Was she just on the prowl? Was that why she’d dressed so good and had so much confidence? She danced without abandon. She joined anything she was called to. She was clearly having a fantastic night and she had admitted she wanted to get taken home by someone and–
No, but she hadn’t said someone, she’d asked him to take her home and…
And, you know, fuck her. Alex. His best friend. Who he’d been longing to do just that to for months now.
Who even needed alcohol when a sexy woman in a velvet dress had you by the balls and you were standing there trying to decide whether to just let her or resist for some higher thinking…
Both? Could they really have both? She said she wanted both…
Fuck, this woman was driving him crazy!
Jimin’s brother and Taehyung had snagged him to get all the bags of eco-friendly confetti ready for people to chuck at Jimin and Ina’m to cap off the night. It was after two in the morning, and Jungkook was shocked at how many of the guests were still here. Even older guests! He overheard talk about moving the party somewhere else. Party to sunrise, apparently! Jungkook was exhausted after the work and emotions and and just everything of the day.
But as he shepherded guests past the table to grab the baggies and out to the circle drive where the limousine waited for In’am and Jimin’s ceremonial departure (they were staying at this hotel and would circle back after a drive around the city), Jungkook realized the night was coming to an end. Soon the wedding would be wrapped and he’d be free of groomsmen duties, free to go home, time to say goodbye to Alex and what, just hope all this stuck? That the next time they saw each other, she still wanted to kiss him? Was this his one opportunity and if he didn’t seize it, she’d be onto someone new tomorrow? It didn’t sound like Alex but neither did kissing him in the middle of the dance floor, neither did asking him to take her home and fuck her, neither did– this was just uncharted territory here. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what he was doing here! He just knew he couldn’t let her leave without some assurance that this had not all been a dream. He didn’t want the night to end ever.
“Everyone’s ready!” Taehyung called up the line from the circle drive to Jungkook, standing in the center of the path. Jungkook waved a thumb’s up to the hotel entrance to pass along to the newlyweds. He’d been looking for Alex to stand next to but couldn’t find her.
The shouting started and people began to throw the heart-shaped white confetti and shout and music played as In’am and Jimin came out of the hotel, hand in hand. Jungkook had to wedge himself in at the end of the sidewalk. He ripped his own cone of confetti open to toss, and in doing so, glanced directly across the path, where Alex stood with Sabina and Rebekah and Namjoon and Yoongi and maybe more of their friends, all shouting and throwing confetti but Jungkook really only saw Alex. It was like magic, seeing her big smile as confetti floated down between them and camera flashes went off and people shouted. He really thought time slowed down.
Yeah, there was no way he was going to remember Jimin’s wedding as the night he didn’t take Alex home. They didn’t have to have sex! They could eat junk food and play video games until the sun came up. They could pass out the second they got to his bedroom. He could sleep on the couch if she changed her mind. But he was going to drag tonight out for every second he could.
Alex had a fantasy of being the woman he took home? He’d be a fucking idiot not to make that come true.
So as soon as Jimin and In’am were in the limo, Jungkook darted across the path and grabbed her hand and dragged her back from the line of partygoers.
“It’s all in my hair!” she laughed, shaking her head, brushing it off her shoulders.
Jungkook brushed it out of her bangs and asked as casually and no-pressure as he could, “Hey, want to come home with me?”
Her eyebrows raised and he felt a moment of panic. Hadn’t she said that’s what she wanted earlier?! Shit! Shit shit shit!
“Really?” she asked, and crossed her arms –under her tits. “That’s how Jungkook Jeon gets women to go home with him? That’s your game? You sound so–”
“Huh? Wha– well but– yeah but I’m not putting moves on you,” he defended.
“Um, ouch.”
“You want me to put moves on you– but– but I already told you that you’re more than that–”
“Damn. How did you ever get laid?”
“I’m just trying to tell you that there’s no pressure to have sex or anything, you can just come over and we can get fries on the way home or something– stop making that face!” he laughed and covered his.
She shook her head and admitted, “My whole world is changing right now. Your instagram is nothing but lies! This is what your game was like in high school! I thought you turned into some superstar fuckboy since then–”
“Fine!” he huffed and turned away from her. His friends were making a point of not noticing them, he could tell. Other people were heading back into the venue to get their things, or going straight out to their cars.
He turned back, ready to say something good he’d think of on the spot.
Alex was gone. She had misunderstood! FUCK. She’d started to walk back inside. He ran after her, already laughing at his own stupidity. She must have expected he’d follow though because it was easy once he caught her hand to get her to stop walking, and easy to back her up against one of the columns lining the hotel walkway. She was so short, it was easy to rest his elbow above her head and lean in close and trace his fingers down the side of her face to tilt her jaw up.
“Oh,” she said.
“It’s time to go, babe,” he said. Her lips twitched. She was trying not to laugh. But that felt ok because she admitted,
“Damn, that’s pretty good…” And something about the way she swallowed made it seem more like she was nervous than that she thought he was ridiculous.
But then he started to laugh as he realized, “So uh, you got wheels we can use, babe?” The laughter erupted from her. She doubled forward, hands to his chest; he dropped his hands to her arms.
“You don’t have your car!”
“Jimin picked me up this morning!”
“So we can ride back with Namjoon!’
“He’ll get pissy if I’m fingering you in the back of his– shit, too much?”
“Oh.” Her eyes went very big.
“Uh… sorry, I don’t know what’s too much or what you think is funny–”
“I don’t either,” she admitted and he was so fucking endeared by her in the moment. He loved the glimpse of her honesty and uncertainty. It made him feel better about his own. “Just… as long as you aren’t like making fun of me–”
“No no, I’m not. Shit, I fucked it up–”
“No,” she said, grabbing his arm. “It’s good then. Um… treat me like one of your insta girls–”
“Absolutely not, I actually care about seeing you again,” he laughed. “But I will take you home with me and we can just see what uh, what happens.”
“I don’t have my car either though. I was planning to go home with someone.”
“Who?” he asked, obviously thinking she meant like Rebekah or something. She just raised her eyebrows. “Wha? Who? You better mean me…”
“Hm…”
“Alex…” He slid his arms around her and tried to drop his mouth to her neck but she was too quick lifting her shoulders with a squeal.
“Say it was me,” he demanded.
“Actually I was hoping Seychelle would be here–”
“Absolutely not.” He couldn’t suppress his laughter, “Can’t risk her converting you.”
“Exactly. I’m ready and willing–”
“Don’t say that in public,” he interrupted. “Wait until we’re home.” He winked at her, meaning it playful. But he saw the flicker across her face, where she wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.
Goddamnit. If Alex really wanted that, was he really going to tell her no? Especially when she’d just admitted she basically planned this. This wasn’t a drunk spur of the moment mistake. She’d come here so hopeful of him– really? This was really all on purpose? So then had she really dumped Hoseok for him? She left her car at home for him? Obviously she wouldn’t have been stranded completely if things hadn’t gone well but… but her hope in him made him bolder.
“So… you wore this dress for me too?” he asked, reaching out to finger the sleeve.
She made a face, “Um, I wore this dress because I look amazing in it.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“But maybe I was hoping someone would notice me in it.”
“Just anybody, huh?”
“Yeah, just anybody,” she grinned and giggled. It was the girliest he’d ever heard Alex giggle. If he’d been watching her act like this with anyone else, he’d known instantly she had a crush, it was so obvious. Her flirting was just so cute. “You know, going to a wedding alone, you never know who might be there, maybe you want to celebrate with someone afterwards.”
“Well then you’re lucky I noticed you before some other guy who uh, doesn’t know how to make eggs in the morning… or something… god, why do you keep laughing at me?!”
“I’m just nervous!” she laughed and hit his arm. “I’m not used to being on the receiving end of your game when you’re being serious about it! Well, I mean, you used to try to pull this kind of shit when you wanted something from me but… but it didn’t make me feel like this before!”
“Oh yeah? What do you think changed then?” He let go of her sleeve but realized she must be cold now, still standing outside without her coat.
“I don’t know! I guess… just… because it could go somewhere um different this time… I mean different than you just crying because I beat you in Smash again–”
“Don’t get too excited, I have been playing a lot of video games lately,” he warned. And slid his arm around her to pull her into his jacket and herded her towards the door.
“Yeah but I’m just innately better at it than you.”
“Uh huh. We’ll see… hey. You know even before all of this,” he mused, “you were always my favorite woman to leave with.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I don’t know, it’s kind of weird to hear you call me a woman instead of just girl or shrimp. Oh my god, does that mean you really have realized I’m a woman after all these years?!” She was teasing him, the teasing felt so good, he felt giddy all over again. And apparently when he got giddy he wanted to say raunchy things to get a rise out of her.
So he assured her quietly, “Oh I know you’re a woman, and whether it’s tonight or another night, I will be more than happy to wring every single orgasm from your little shrimp body–”
“There’s no way this is how you seduce women.”
“Yeah but it’s working with you, huh?”
She glared. He was too giddy to even take the kiss he wanted, just tapped her nose because she’d hate it and ordered, “Go get your coat, babygirl, I’ll get my things and– wait, how are we getting home again? Hey, Namjoon!”
He had to walk away quickly because calling Alex babygirl didn’t feel jokey, it felt new and exciting and yes still jokey but also heavy and intentional and now there was no reason he couldn’t call her baby anymore and he was just really excited and ready to get her home. If Namjoon wouldn’t stop for fries, maybe he could doordash some on the way…
Guess what this chapter is too long to fit in a single post so go here for Part B!
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go
Read on AO3 here or below cut
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Read Epilogue
Note: I did it again, the chapter is too long for tumblr so I have to split it into three parts. Make sure you read A first!!!
Jungkook wasn’t nervous for his date with Alex. Why would he be nervous? It was Alex. He knew everything Alex liked. He knew how to have a good time with her. He knew how to make her laugh until she’d yell she was going to pee herself and go waddling to the bathroom while he shouted things after her to try and make it happen. He knew what food she liked and how long she could tolerate standing in line for an attraction and that she didn’t mind the cold but she didn’t like to get wet in the rain because she didn’t like her hair and clothes sticking to her skin.
Once he had wanted to test that, run naked through the rain with her. She had of course refused and punched him in the stomach for the suggestion. He wondered if now he had a better chance of convincing her… for science, obviously! Did she still mind the rain if her hair was in a bun and she was totally naked in it? What if he was on top of her, blocking some of it?
But in all seriousness, he might not really date other than an occasional activity preceding a good fuck but if he was ever going to go on a date, Alex was the easiest partner for it. They could have fun –and had!-- anywhere: the grocery store, a furniture store, CVS to get their flu shots, McDonald’s at 2am, urgent care that time his ears were stopped up so badly and his fever was so high he started to cry and she forced him to go and kept referring to him as “my son” to the nurses and he couldn’t stop laughing despite the pain.
So yeah, why would he be nervous about a date? He had no doubts about success. He was going to take her to minigolf, school her ass, then tacos from the best truck in town which he had confirmed would be at Hoff Memorial Park; they’d eat sitting in the cold on a picnic bench and then he’d take her home to his bed before the rain started around nine and he’d, you know. Spaghetti her. He’d put a lot of thought into what positions he’d use too. A lot. Needed to be sure he’d maximize her pleasure and not bend or twist her in a way that hurt her. Stroke her just right. He wanted to win a scream! Leave her a trembling melted mess in his arms. Ah, it’d be so good… she’d be all fuck, Koo, I finally get it now, you’re really fucking good at this. Make her eat her words alongside his dick, that thing she’d always said with a laugh, damn, if the insta-girls could see the real you they’d be heartbroken.
He needed to show her what’s good.
He had a plan.
And then the comments started.
Nate: “Oh damn, you actually have a date with her? Wasn’t that last guy really good at dates? Good luck, my man.”
Namjoon: “Oh. That’s the date you planned? Isn’t that just… what you guys normally do?”
Taehyung: “Yeah this is the time, you can really show her that you’re serious and mature and want to do this, so like, whole nine yards, something big and– oh. Minigolf? Um…”
Sabina: “Don’t take her to minigolf. She deserves more than minigolf.”
Anita: “Hm, I think minigolf just seems a little easy and impersonal. But you know her best! If you think that’s the kind of date she likes, then…”
Jimin: “You messaged me on my honeymoon for this? It’s fine, Alex will think it’s funny.”
Fuck. Fuck! As Jungkook paced his apartment the afternoon before the date, he realized his plan was no good. He didn’t want Alex to think their date was funny. He wanted her to think it was romantic. He wanted her to be awed by his charm and suaveness… suavity…. State of being suave. He wanted her to be swept off her feet. He wanted her to forget Hobi was ever a guy she dated and it sucked because Nate was right, Hobi was good at dates. He showed up and showed out and Alex was always all flustered and bubbly after their dates. Jungkook wanted Alex to be like that afterwards. Not just like “yep that was an ok time hanging out with my good buddy JK.” He wanted blushes and giggles and then bam, spaghetti!
This called for a fucking re-plan. And fast.
He showered so he’d smell fresh and lotioned and not like the mall, slapping on cologne and spot-fixing his acne in between looking things up on his laptop perched precariously on the bathroom counter. A few google searches and phone calls later and he’d completely redone their plans for the night, pulling out all the stops. Was it going to hurt his bank account? Yes. Was she worth it? Also yes.
Much more at ease about the whole thing, Jungkook took one more look at himself in the mirror, snapped a selfie, and posted it to his socials for the pep talk he needed.
[TheJK.1997]: look good feel good treat her good, ready for the surf and turf. Best wine recs for Hollyoak Vineyard go
He checked himself one last time, ran over a spot he missed shaving real quick, and was out the door in plenty of time to pick her up early, just to really surprise her. Definitely not because he was getting a stomachache from nerves and needed to do something other than pace from living room to kitchen and pick at his lips.
She wasn’t ready. There he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers even though it made him feel like a fucking idiot because Hoseok gave her flowers so it would look like he was copying but obviously he couldn’t not show up with flowers –there he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers, sitting in a living room he’d been in at least one thousand times since he’d known Alex, while her dad sat in the chair and watched a Planet Earth documentary and her mom made tea in the kitchen even though he had assured her he didn’t want any. They had said hello to him and not much else, both like this was any other time that he’d come over and also like it wasn’t and they weren’t supposed to acknowledge his presence as he just sat there on the couch in slacks and a button up with fucking flowers to give their fucking daughter who was fucking late. It was mortifying. Jungkook wished he could melt into the cracks between the couch cushions. He wished Dilong would come running out and scratch his throat or piss on him or something so he had an excuse to just leave.
“How’s work?” Baba Song asked him over the sound of flamingos feeding.
“It’s good. Busy at the holidays.”
“How is your dad’s– ah, I will just ask him, I’ll see him tomorrow.”
Jungkook nodded. He wasn’t actually sure what about his father was unwell right now, so he should ask. He pulled out his phone and saw they were going to have to hurry to make their dinner reservation.
“AHh I had better check on her–” Jungkook mumbled, starting to stand. Mama Song was just setting tea in front of him and took it upon herself to shout for Alex followed by Chinese. Alex answered in short Chinese, then came down the hall.
“I’m ready, ok? What’s the rush? I was doing my makeup– oh?” She stopped in front of him and her eyes went right to the flowers. “You brought me flowers?”
Jungkook was instantly mortified. She was probably comparing them to the ones Hoseok had bought her.
“They’re for your mom,” he quickly corrected, thrusting them towards Mama Song.
Who let out a cackle of a laugh and said, “I will put them in water for Alex. I have a perfect vase. They are beautiful.”
“Wait, I want to see them,” Alex cried, leaping after her mother. She bent down to look close and Jungkook felt like she might as well be examining his limp dick, he was so embarrassed. They were supposed to be nice. He’d bought really nice ones at the standalone shop next to the Starbucks –not the one she worked at, not the one Hoseok worked at, a different one! He didn’t know what kinds of flowers they were but there was lots of color and some spiky looking ones because they looked fun and he thought spiky flowers made sense for her.
“They’re really pretty,” she said.
“You’re really pretty,” he countered automatically, an old way they had of teasing each other except this time he’d accidentally been nice. Baba Song coughed on the couch and Jungkook thought it had to be related. Cool, he already felt like he was dying anyway as Alex grinned wide and looked him up and down and he was sure she was laughing at him. Baba Song laughing at him too was exactly what he didn’t need.
“You look like you’re going on a date,” Alex mused.
“Uh…” The panic was instant. “Aren’t I?”
“Koopa,” she laughed and hit him on the arm. “You’d better be! Let’s go, weren’t you in a rush a minute ago? You know it takes time to do my makeup without you to help.”
“It looks good,” he said, though the points weren’t quite even which he only noticed because sometimes it took her ten tries before she’d give up and ask him to do it. He started to offer to fix it now but she was already headed towards the door and it didn’t matter.
“Goodbye Mr. Song. Mrs. Song,” he called. Should he promise to have her home at a certain time? Even addressing them that way felt weird but like, he was taking their daughter out on a date, he had to seem sort of respectful and responsible, right? “Thank you for the tea!” He hadn’t even touched it.
Alex’s skirt was very short, he noticed as they went to his car. She had fancy green tights on underneath it so he couldn’t see skin or anything but it did occur to him that if she bent over, he might not even need to hike it up. Not that he was just thinking about fucking! It really felt more like a nervous impulse to think about it, because he was way more nervous about the not-fucking parts right now as he hurried around and slid into the driver’s seat. He wasn’t even trying to fuck her tonight! He just wanted to hit it out of the park, this whole “date with the goal of earning another date” thing.
“So where are we going?” she asked as he started the car. It was cold and he wished he had thought to run out and start it early so she wouldn’t have to sit in it; she was wearing a new coat, not her usual bulky one that made her look like a burnt marshmallow. You know, in a cute way!
“Um… you know that steakhouse over on–”
“Steakhouse,” she repeated, eyes going wide. “You can’t afford steak!”
“You don’t know what I can’t afford. I’m taking you to a steakhouse!”
“Ok ok geez.” She wiggled in her seat to get comfortable. “I figured you’d just take me for tacos or something. Steak is fine.”
He scoffed, “Come on. I’m a better date than that.”
“All right James Bond or whatever…” she mumbled. “Didn’t know you had something you were trying to prove or whatever.”
“Yeah well…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, of course he had something to prove. “Is it warm enough for you?” He made it warmer, just in case, even though he was starting to sweat.
They lapsed into silence. The roads were icy so he didn’t want to be too distracted but it made him nervous for her to just be sitting there staring out the window. Silence was bad on a date, that was something everyone knew. Silence was definitely not going to leave her starry-eyed and weak in the knees.
“So uh, how’s work?”
“Ugh, next question,” she snorted, and reached for the radio dial.
“No, don’t turn music on. Let’s just… talk.”
“O…k….”
He started talking just to fill the silence. He told her about his own work, and about Appa thinking he wanted to do Christmas lights and throwing one lit net over a bush and calling it a day, and about his new nephew who was still pretty useless but starting to look cuter now. He realized they had seen each other a few days ago so these life updates weren’t necessary but he wanted some sort of connection.
“Uh… well, there’s not much going on with me… well, Hobi brought a box of my stuff to work today, so that kind of sucked–”
“He brought it to your work?!”
“Well he waited in the parking lot but yeah… I mean we agreed to do that today but still that sucked in the morning and then I got home and Dilong puked on my bed and I stubbed my toe while I was getting ready… but you brought me flowers, so that’s the best part of my day so far,” she smiled.
“They were for your mom…”
“Oh yeah? For Mrs. Song?” she teased.
But he didn’t feel like being teased because this was a date and they were supposed to be getting to know each other and charming each other, so instead he suggested, “Ok let’s not talk about Hobi or uh, other exes or anything tonight.”
“Um… ok… Geez, sensitive much?’
“It’s my date with you.”
“You just asked me how my day was and I told you.”
“Ok so now I know and I’m just saying we can talk about other things now.”
“Ok like what?”
“Um…” Jungkook wracked his brain, but everything that came to mind wasn’t the kind of thing he wanted to talk about on their first date. Funny but inappropriate memes, friend gossip, political outrage, bemoaning the economy, a really bloody anime he’d started and thought she might like too, none of it was the way he wanted to represent himself right now as a respectable and respectful guy. Boyfriend material.
“We’re here,” he announced. Saved by the drive time. He pulled into a spot near the water’s edge –just a pond, but definitely something the steakhouse capitalized on for atmosphere. Fairy lights hung above the walkway through a little windy garden to reach the front of the restaurant.
“Woah, this place is nice,” Alex murmured, bumping into him as she looked around. “Are you sure about this? It’s really fancy… I didn’t dress for something this fancy…”
“I’m sure.” He took her hand and looped it through his arm. “You deserve something like this. It’s our first date. Right?” He looked eagerly down at her, needing to hear her agree that it was in fact their first date and that was in fact a big deal to her too.
“I guess but you really didn’t have to go to so much trouble. You know me, I’m easy–”
“I don’t know you. This is our chance to get to know each other,” he corrected. “As –you know, this new way of seeing each other.” As romantic partners, he couldn’t bring himself to say.
He thought her smile looked unconvinced but at least she was smiling. They reached the front door –and now he saw a side ramp they could have taken right to the front door instead of wandering through the garden. Uh well. He opened the door for her and they walked in to easily the nicest restaurant Jungkook had ever been to in his life. The host was wearing a tux.
Shit this place was going to be expensive.
“Good evening,” the host greeted them as Jungkook shirked his coat off.
“Hi. Um, Jungkook Jeon, table for two. I have reservations for 6:00.”
“Ah, yes, Jeon, hm…” The host didn’t move as his gaze trailed down Jungkook and then slid to Alex. “My apologies, Mr. Jeon, but were you aware that there is a dress code for dining here?”
Jungkook glanced down at his slacks and dark blue button up and nodded, “Yeah. We dressed nicely.” He glanced at Alex and realized he hadn’t told her to dress nicely but yeah, she looked great: short red skirt, dark green legs, a fluffy white sweater with… pearls? Had she really worn a sweater with pearls all across the chest to their date– ok, but she hadn’t meant anything filthy by it, he was sure of that. Just because his mind went there didn’t mean hers did.
“I’m sorry, the dress code is formal. That means at least a tie and jacket for the gentleman and formal evening dress or pantsuit for the lady.”
“Uh…” Jungkook glanced at their outfits again. “Well this is what we have on so…”
The host looked performatively apologetic as he said, “I’m sorry, I cannot seat you.”
“But… but I made a reservation,” Jungkook argued. “No one’s going to die because I’m not wearing a jacket.”
“Neither of you is dressed appropriately for the restaurant, I’m afraid–”
It was embarrassing, sure, but he also didn’t want Alex to hear someone insinuate she wasn’t dressed nicely, so he ignored that she was grabbing his arm and argued, “Ok but she looks like a million bucks so I don’t– you just need me to put on a jacket and a tie–”
“Jungkook, let’s just go,” she said, trying to push him back towards the door.
“But I made reservations. This isn’t the ‘50s. No one under 50 has a jacket and tie for dinner at a shitty suburban steakhouse on the swamp–”
“Koo, let’s go,” she grunted, and managed to push him back against the door. He pushed it and stepped back out into the cold and felt the anger flare up freely now.
“What the fuck kind of place– am I crazy? Who fucking cares whether I have a jacket and a tie on for–”
“Well they care, it’s their rule!”
“It’s discrimination against young people!”
“Yeah, did you see the people eating in the restaurant?” she laughed. “I don’t think they want young people eating there. They want like rich uppercrust people.”
“Those people don’t live here.”
“Well this place is kind of famous, isn’t it? Maybe they drive in…”
“Is it?”
“I think it was on a TV show,” Alex admitted, before pointing to a plaque beside the door. Apparently it had, and won a bunch of awards. No wonder they cared about the way they looked or whatever.
“Yeah well showing all that by the door is tacky,” Jungkook scowled. Waves of anger and embarrassment rolled over him. “My money is as good as the next guy’s.”
“Ok but who cares, we don’t have to eat at a place like this. Let’s just pick somewhere else,” Alex said, nudging him towards the ramp.
Ugh, Hoseok would definitely have worn the suit and tie.
“Maybe we can just run back to my place and I can grab the suit I wore to the wedding–”
“No, I’m not dressed like that either and I don’t want to change. I spent way longer than I want to admit figuring out what to wear that would be cute and comfy,” she protested.
“But I want to take you to this nice place–”
“I don’t care about the nice place!” she snapped. He really did think she snapped at him, and it shut him up. They marched in silence down the ramp back towards his car. They got into the car. They buckled their seatbelts.
Bad start to the date.
“We can go to Taco Bell for all I care,” Alex suggested.
“That’s a shitty date,” Jungkook sulked. “That’s the kind of date you think I am?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Taco Bell…”
“I’m not taking you to fucking Taco Bell,” he groaned and pulled out his phone and began scrolling again. What was close, and nice, and not a fucking Taco Bell, and not going to turn them away at the door because they weren’t dressed in some shitty elitist outdated formal dining attire. Fuck, he was so angry about it! Even if that was a rule, they couldn’t bend it? They couldn’t seat them somewhere private or something? He was trying to impress a girl here!
“We could do Italian… is that too much wine though? We’re going to a wine tasting afterwards.”
“A wine tasting?” Alex repeated. “Um…”
“You don’t like a wine tasting?”
“No no it’s fine!” Alex assured him. “That’s cute. You really… yeah, it’ll be great,” she smiled at him. “And sure, Italian is fine! Let’s do Italian. What place are you thinking?”
“Tomasso Trattoria and Enoteca,” Jungkook read, and handed her the phone as he started to drive so she could look at it.
“Woah… this place is still really nice though… I was thinking like Olive Garden–”
“Alex, can you please let me take this date seriously? I realize maybe you don’t care but–”
“I care! Care about this being our date? I care!”
“I want it to be a special date!”
“I get it! This place looks very special,” she told him, setting his phone in the cradle with the GPS up.
He knew his frustration was a wall between them but she didn’t break it down this time. Usually she was good at that. He didn’t know what it meant, that she didn’t try. He wasn’t sure how to do it on his own, because if this was a date with someone else he wouldn’t care, he’d just change the subject and move on and vent about it to Alex later, or invent an excuse to take the girl home and go home. To Alex. Obviously she knew how he was, inside and out, but as he drove in the silence he started to feel a deeper embarrassment, like she’d seen him do something wrong. It wasn’t wrong for him to be annoyed with the restaurant for not letting them in! They had told him formal dress when he made the reservation sure but they didn’t explain that meant anything other than just looking your best! He looked his best! Alex looked her best! What, were they going to wear their wedding clothes or something?
“You know I was thinking about how crazy it is that just everything is Christmas this time of year,” Alex mused. “It’s not like I didn’t know everything is too Christmas and that there are lots of people who doesn’t celebrate who have to deal with it but I guess because we celebrate without being Christian, I didn’t really think about how fucking annoying it is for people who really don’t celebrate. Rebekah was telling me people always act like they’re sorry for her…” She continued to talk about it and he took the moment to breathe deeply. Ok. Change in plans. But Alex wasn’t demanding he take her home, so it would be ok. Even if he didn’t know why the fuck this was what she decided to ramble about, at least it was something.
The Italian place was busier, smaller, not on the water, but still nice and they didn’t get turned away at the door. The host took their coats for them. The tables had real candles, which Jungkook didn’t realize he cared about until they sat down and he saw the actual flicker from the breeze of their motions. The menus were short, which a Reddit thread had taught him meant it was a sign of a good restaurant. Their waiter had a bowtie and a black vest and offered to call over a sommelier to guide their wine selection.
“We’re going to a wine tasting after this,” Alex informed the waiter. “So I’ll wait on the wine.”
“We can have a glass or something here,” Jungkook argued.
Alex shook her head and tapped the wine menu, maybe trying to show him that the cheapest wine was $15/glass at a glance. But he had brought her to an Italian restaurant! For a fancy dinner! Wine was part of a fancy dinner!
“You don’t have to, but I’ll have a glass of something, send the sommelier over,” Jungkook insisted.
Alex decided she’d have the glass too. They had to show their cards and mused as they always did about how old they would have to be before the stopped getting carded. The waiter brought them bread and promised their calamari appetizer would be out quickly.
“Wow, it’s so romantic here,” Alex murmured. Jungkook felt the sigh of relief radiate from his chest. The candle light danced across her skin as she studied the elaborate murals on the walls, partially obscured by heavy red curtains. Elegant music played over the low din of dining. They were towards the edge of a large room, tucked into a little booth by the window with a view of nothing but trees. A grand piano stood in the center of what looked like a dance floor, tables sparse on the wooden floor.
“I feel bad,” she continued. “I didn’t realize you wanted to do such fancy things, I would have dressed nicer.”
“I think you dressed nice.”
“I did too until I saw you,” she laughed. “I guess I forgot…”
“Forgot what?” he asked, not following.
“What you look like.”
“Whaaaat?” he grinned, warmed by the flattery. The compliments from her felt sincere in a way they hadn’t before. He was used to teasing, so he almost didn’t trust it, but she didn’t look like she was teasing him. Now he found himself hungry for more. Did she really think he was hot? Not just aware that other people thought so, but she thought so? She liked the way he looked? She liked the way he dressed?
“Oh my god,” she snickered and rolled her eyes. “Do you always take your ego on dates with you?”
“No, I left it at home tonight with my jacket and tie,” he joked. She smiled and looked so pretty in the candlelight. He draped his hand across the table, palm down, to see if she’d take the hint and put hers on it. Would they be the kind of couple that held hands at dinner? Obviously not on a first date, but someday would they sit on the same side of the booth? Well, in a more serious way than when they did that at Wendy’s so they could both put their feet up on the other bench, that was different.
“The mood lighting is so… romantic,” she said again. “I feel like I should have worn high heels.”
“Your boots have heels.”
“Yeah but you know what I mean…’
“Do you want to dance until our food gets here?” The question was impulsive. No one else was dancing. But that could mean she wouldn’t have to feel nervous or pressured about dancing on beat with him. They could just hold onto each other and sway, here by the table or over on the dance floor. Maybe other people could join. He had enjoyed dancing with her so much, it would be a nice thing to add tonight.
But her eyes went wide as she cried, “Hey, don’t make fun of me!”
“What–”
“Oh god, don’t joke about it,” she laughed and covered her face. “How fucking humiliating…”
Jungkook hadn’t meant it as a joke. He thought it would be romantic. He certainly hadn’t meant to embarrass her just by the suggestion of dancing together. Unsure what else to say, he racked his brain trying to think of topics. The problem was that the lists of things to talk about on your first date were things like ask about where they grew up and ask about their hobbies and ask them what makes them unique? And ask them where their favorite place in the world is. But Jungkook knew all of these things about her! He wanted to learn something new about her. He wanted to seem new to her.
“Uh… what’s your favorite place in the world?” he asked as she untangled the little legs of their calamari appetizer.
“Mine? I don’t know… my parents’ house? I guess it was our old apartment.”
“Oh. Really?” he frowned.
“Why are you frowning?!”
“That’s just kind of sad.”
“Ok. Ouch.”
“No! I mean because we don’t live there anymore.”
“Oh. Yeah. How annoying,” she sighed. “So what’s Namjoon like as a roommate?”
“He’s a good roommate,” Jungkook said because he didn’t want to gossip or vent or seem complainy. Namjoon was a good roommate! Sure, he had a household aesthetic and a lot of Jungkook’s stuff didn’t meet the mark so he was kind of crowded into his room.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Come on, you complained about living with me all the time.”
“Ah, yeah, sorry about that…”
“Huh?”
Embarrassed that she’d bring that up, he sipped his $15/glass wine. Yeah, he was worried about that. Alex was his best friend and he’d always treated her like a best friend but that wasn’t the same way you wanted to treat a girlfriend. He had a lot of things to undo. Actually, that was it, their first date wasn’t about learning, it was about unlearning all the things he would never have let a girl see about him.
“You’re being so weird,” she laughed, and nudged his foot under the table. “Is something wrong?”
“Hm? No, why would something be wrong?”
“Don’t let that other place bother you. I like this place a lot better anyway, this calamari is really good! I hope you still like me when I’m bloated from too much fettuccine…”
Instantly he assured her, “Of course I do. I mean, not that you’ll be bloaty or– I mean, obviously the body naturally looks different after a big dinner but it’s not– I won’t notice that kind of– it’s just normal…”
“It was a joke,” she said. “I’m wearing a bulky sweater, you won’t be able to tell anyway. Unless you get me naked.” She arched her eyebrow.
“We, um– tonight it’s um… were you thinking that? I thought we’d just have a nice date–”
“Oh. That’s not… nice? OK, I mean I’m half joking, I didn’t realize you had such a tight schedule for tonight!”
Jungkook had never felt so awkward and weird around Alex in his life. The only thing he knew to do was try and get the conversation back on track to Impressive Date Approved topics:
“Hey, so I was watching a really interesting show the other day. It was about the brain and all the changes it goes through from like a baby to a dead person– an old person.”
“The brain does very much still change after you die,” she pointed out. Yeah, dead people and rotting brains was definitely not on the approved list. No girl went home from a date and was like oh boy he was so handsome and charming and funny and we talked about decaying brains. I’m so in love.
She had not said that to him yet. That she loved him. There hadn’t been any real confession or labeling and he was obviously fine with that, he didn’t need labels, but still, it would be cool to get her to say something he could be sure of.
“No, don’t be like that, it was really cool to see– oh thank Christ the food is here.”
“You in a hurry or something?” she laughed. Which reminded him that they did have a scheduled start time for the wine tasting. He checked his phone as the waiter set their food down.
“Our wine tasting is at 7:30.”
“What?! Then yeah we don’t have much time!”
“Yeah.” Hm, he hadn’t really done the math right– or well he had when he’d made reservations for six at the other place, he just hadn’t counted on needing to change restaurants. Actually they have very little time. “Uh, well, ok, let’s eat fast then…” Eating fast was not romantic. “Or we can miss it. It’s fine.”
But she waved her hand, already twirling pasta around her fork, “No way, we’ll make it. You worked so hard planning all of this! I can eat fast. Damn this is good pasta…. You want to try this?”
He did, but he already envisioned the noodles swinging down and getting on his dark shirt. And then she’d want to try his, which was spaghetti and meatballs (it was one of the cheapest things on the menu, ok?!) and he’d drop one and it would bounce onto her white sweater. It wasn’t worth the risk.
“Nah, we can just eat our own food,” he assured her.
And promptly knocked his glass of wine to the ground, shattering it.
**
Alex had never seen Jungkook acting so weird in her life. He swung back and forth between distracted and too intense. One moment she’d think he was bored and the next he’d ignore whatever she just said and start telling her a play by play of some brain documentary he watched! He was clearly pissed about the first restaurant turning them away but then didn’t seem to care about the next place even though it was really nice; they had to leave so quickly to get to the wine tasting that they didn’t even get dessert.
He wasn’t acting like himself at all. Honestly, she felt like another day he might have still been able to sweet talk them into that first restaurant –though she was glad he hadn’t because she wasn’t really comfortable in a place like that anyway. It was bad enough being at the Italian restaurant where Jungkook insisted on paying and the waiter gave her a menu without prices so she didn’t even know how much damage she was doing to Jungkook’s bank account. He didn’t want to talk about any of the things they normally talked about. He didn’t respond to any of her jokes.
She couldn’t figure it out. Did he just not want to be here? But that didn’t make sense, because if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be! Jungkook had no problem peacing out of a situation he didn’t want to be in. He’d bailed on her plenty of times, that wasn’t hard for him.
They rushed across town to get to Hollyoak Vineyards for this wine tasting Jungkook had booked them for –and she was confused, because they couldn’t do a vineyard tour in the cold and dark or anything– and made it just in the nick of time. He kept saying over and over that it was fine if they missed it, which seemed to mean it wasn’t fine.
And then, checking in, winded by the sprint from the car, Alex made a terrible discovery: she had left her wallet and ID at the Italian restaurant. Which might have been fine if Jungkook wasn’t with her, because often she didn’t get carded on her own. But Jungkook made her look younger with that charming babyface of his. The woman asked to see their IDs before they could join the tour and tasting.
“I left it at the restaurant,” she admitted quietly, turning to Jungkook.
For a moment he just looked at her.
“You don’t have your ID?”
“It’s at the restaurant.”
“Uh…”
He froze. He looked between her and the employee and Alex knew that look: somebody fix this for me because I don’t know what to do now. Usually she didn’t see that look unless he was drunk or in emotional crisis. Neither was true now, except that he still wasn’t saying anything.
“Is there another tasting tonight?” Alex asked the employee.
“No, I’m sorry. I can reschedule you for another day?”
“Could he start the tasting now and I’ll go and come back–”
“No, you’ll miss the whole thing,” Jungkook said, reanimated. He pulled his ID off the counter and tucked it back into his wallet. “Ok, we’ll go. Thanks anyway.”
“I’m sorry, I guess it fell out of my purse under the table,” she explained as they left the place. He didn’t say anything. She couldn’t tell if he was pissed or disappointed, but she felt bad either way. “I’m really sorry, Jungkook.”
“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. “Uh…” They reached the car and he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She didn’t know what he was thinking about or if he was just trying to control his emotions or what. “You want me just to take you home? This is all kind of a bust, huh?”
“Wha? No, don’t take me home yet!”
“You sure? ‘Cause this a pretty fail date so–”
“Oh my god are you serious right now?” she laughed. “It’s fine! Things go wrong sometimes, it’s not that serious. Can’t we just find something else to do?”
He let out a deep, heavy sigh.
“Hey look, I’m sorry I fucked up the wine tasting. We can just do that on another date, I’ll book it.”
“Yeah but…”
“Let’s just go to minigolf or something–”
“I’m not taking you to minigolf,” he huffed, and crossed his arms and leaned against the car, and rolled his eyes.
And frankly, Alex had had enough.
“Why the fuck not? What’s wrong with minigolf? What’s wrong with Taco Bell? I don’t want to be a bitch because I know you put all this effort into planning all of these things but why are you acting like we’re suddenly too good to– ok, we tried this fancy stuff and things went wrong so let’s just do something else! It doesn’t have to be a big deal!”
“It does have to be a big deal, Alex! It’s our first fucking date!”
“So?!” she shouted, throwing her arms up.
“What do you mean ‘so’?! It’s our first date! The first date we ever go on!” he shouted back.
“Yeah I know that! But it doesn’t have to be like some big…” She couldn’t think of the right words. Her shouting fizzled a bit as she thought through what he’d just said, and how actually very sweet that was.
“I wanted it to be big,” he insisted. “Hoseok always took you on these big fancy dates, right? Yeah, I can do that too!”
“Oh, Jungkook,” she sighed. And walked around and grabbed his coat and headbutted his chest and let her head rest there. “You dummy.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry about what Hoseok did. Who cares?”
“You cared.”
“Past tense,” she pointed out, craning her neck to look up at him from so close. “Now I’m out on a date with you. I don’t have this like high expectation of–”
“Of a good date? You should. That’s shitty, I don’t–”
“We can do anything and it’s a good date. I just wanted to spend time with you. We already know all kinds of things we like doing together.”
“Yeah but this isn’t just hanging out, Alex. It’s a date date. I wanted it to be special.”
“It is special, you idiot.” She hit him on the arm several times to try and make him smile. “It’s us. Obviously it’s special.”
“No, we’ve always been just friends. This needs to be big so you know it’s different–”
“Do you think I’m a stupid little baby? Is that why you were telling me about baby brains? I know this is different! You brought me flowers and looked all nervous and awkward on my couch!” It was more fun to tease him than admit her own nerves as she’d dressed and redressed and then redressed again. But the excitement for her had been a thousand times louder than the nerves. Nervous-excited, not nervous-afraid.
He sounded nervous-afraid.
“Yeah but–”
“I put on sexy underwear and eyeliner! The pointy way you said looks good!”
“I know that– I mean not about the underwear but–”
“So why are you being so weird about our date? There’s no point if you don’t actually enjoy spending time with me.”
“What are you talking about?” he demanded, eyebrows furrowing into the little V she had predicted. “Of course I like spending time with you.”
“Yeah? What do you like doing with me?”
“I don’t know, just… stuff. Like… but it’s just been friend stuff before–”
“I’m no expert, but I think dating is kind of just doing the same things we always did except we say it’s a date now,” she pointed out. “You don’t think so? Or are you worried you don’t actually like me or something?”
“I like you, Alex, that’s why I’m nervous. Pretty sure I used a word stronger than ‘like’ before too.”
She let that sit for a moment. Hearing Jungkook admit he was nervous was a completely different lens to look at the whole evening. Hearing Jungkook reiterate that he liked her was like, nauseatingly unbelievable.
Ok, now she was having a harder time not being nervous-afraid because yeah, this was pretty crazy, being on a date date with Jungkook that he was taking so seriously because he liked her and she liked him too. Oh god.
“Are you… are you just cranky because you’re worried about having a bad first date?” she fumbled out.
“Yeah! Obviously! Jesus, it’s like you– are you fucking with me right now?!”
“Oh my god, you are so high strung right now,” she sighed and pulled on his jacket. “Jungkook! Chill! Are you serious?”
“I just…”
“Baby,” she said, and reached up to grab his face in a burst of confidence fueled by all of his nonsense. “Baby Koo.”
“Shut up,” he grumbled.
“No, don’t be grumpy. Look at me.” He begrudgingly did so; he didn’t have much of a choice with her holding his head. “Thank you for a wonderful dinner and for scheduling the wine tasting I fucked up. This whole evening is really special to me. The fact you worked so hard to make it special makes me feel really special. I don’t want to say goodnight yet, so I’d really like ice cream and minigolf with you.”
“Why are you so obsessed with minigolf?” he mumbled.
“I don’t know, I just think it’s a cute date idea and I like doing dumb things like that with you,” she shrugged, letting her hands fall away. He caught hold of them though and held. His fingers were cold. “I’m still allowed to like it, even when it’s a date date.”
“Yeah, well…” His mouth twisted in thought, so cute. “My original plan was to do minigolf,” he confessed. “And the taco truck. But then everyone acted like that was really lame and low effort so I wanted to do something bigger so you would know–”
“Fuck that!” Alex cried. “And fuck them! I like minigolf and tacos!”
“I know you like that but I wanted to like… I want you to be all giddy and stuff, you know? No one gets giddy over minigolf.”
“They do when they win,” she beamed. “You wouldn’t know about that. Since you never win.”
His eyes narrowed. “Uh, pretty sure I always beat your ass. I can’t let you win, just because it’s a date.”
“Who said anything about let?”
“Ugggh but see? I can’t beat your ass, that’ll be a bad date.”
“Then let me win.”
“You’d hate me forever.”
“I wouldn’t hate you! I’d just be shocked you were down that bad for me– I don’t think your ego could let someone–”
“Hey, I let girls win that shit all the time,” he interrupted. “I don’t let you win because I respect you so much.”
“Yeah or because you aren’t trying to get into my pants.”
“No, but I do want into your pants now.”
“Well… sounds like you know what to do then…” She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows and felt full body relief. Everything made so much more sense now. She should have figured it out sooner that Jungkook was just nervous and frustrated that things weren’t going to his plan when he was trying so hard! But how could she have guessed he was this worked up about impressing her? It was just her!
“Alex,” he whined her name. She started to walk around the car but he was still holding her wrist and pulled her back. “We can’t play minigolf. Forty years from now we’ll be talking about our first date and I’m going to say I took you to play fucking minigolf?”
Damn. Damn that sounded serious.
“Um, well,” she stammered, distracted at the casual way in which he’d basically just been like yeah we’re going to be together forever. “Well first you’ll probably tease me about forgetting my wallet and then you’ll probably tease me about being easy or childish because I wanted to play minigolf.”
“Ah, that’s true… you asked for it. I’m just giving you what you wanted.” His voice lowered as he said it, as he pulled her closer, no secret about the innuendo.
“Giving me what I want is always the right move,” she agreed, and lifted her face so he wouldn’t have to crouch too far for the kiss she thought he was leading into. There was only a moment of hesitation during which she worried she’d read him wrong. Maybe this just wasn’t normal yet, but they wanted it. He smiled into the kiss, giving too much teeth against hers, but she tilted her face and the kiss softened and Alex forgot to breathe. You know, just Jungkook, kissing her in the parking lot, nose pressed against hers, warm breath and saliva mingling with hers.
She overbalanced on her toes and they fell back against his car but he caught his own weight and towered over her.
“Maybe you should go back to being pissy and mean,” she breathed.
“Huh?”
“You’re making me dizzy,” she admitted with a laugh. “I know we kissed the other night but–”
Jungkook cut her off with another kiss that made her toes curl and her heart stutter.
“Yeah?” he murmured, sounding a bit breathless himself as his nose gently nudged hers. “Am I giving you butterflies kissing you in the parking lot of the wine tasting we didn’t get to do?”
“Yeah.”
He sighed, wine-scented breath warm across her face. “Can you please be a little more high maintenance? I’m giving you permission to be demanding!”
“Oh, I will be, without your permission,” she assured him with a cheeky grin. “You seem to be forgetting– well, I won’t remind you. You just keep those rose-tinted glasses on for a while. At least until I make you cry at minigolf.”
“Ok, are you just forgetting that you’re really bad at minigolf? Because I have not forgotten it–”
“That’s not true! I’ve won before!”
“Yeah, by sabotaging me,” he pointed out.
“Mm-hm and now I can sabotage you even more, right? Like… oops I dropped my ball!” she joked and slid from his arms to bend over and pick it up. So he had a nice profile of just how high her skirt would go. She was wearing tights, it wasn’t going to show anything but look, she’d learned a few things over the years about what Jungkook liked. He liked the tease. The suggestion. Maybe he liked it more than the real thing.
She hoped he didn’t like the idea of her more than the real thing.
Also he really liked ass, so at least that was a safe bet.
He grumbled and demanded, “How many dates do we have to go on before I’m allowed to spank when you do something like that?”
Oh god be cool she begged herself because, you know, Jungkook had basically just asked to spank her. Jungkook. Spanking her. Just… spanking her. Cool. Cool cool.
“Um… three.”
He looked unhappy about it but nodded, “Ok. So you’re just going to tease me a lot tonight then?”
“Yeah, probably. But if you cry when you lose, I’ll comfort you. I’m not totally mean.”
“Yeah, I’ll give you a hug when you lose,” he promised. “I’m a caring date.”
“You’re a nice guy.”
“Yeah, I’m a nice guy,” he laughed, then tried to tickle and poke her through her coat. “I am. Sorry if I was weird or whatever tonight.”
“Hey, why are you talking like the night is over? You are still on a date,” she argued.
“Right right, I have to make your dreams come true. Minigolf and ice cream.”
“And you,” she added, sort of without meaning to. At least the vulnerability of it hit her after she’d said the words. She just had meant to specify he was an important part of why she would like those things on a date!
But the thing was, she didn’t really feel vulnerable tonight in a bad way. She didn’t feel as nervous or impostery as she had feared. This was Jungkook! She didn’t think there was anyone in the world she was safer with and all his efforts and overthinking seemed to prove that. He’d taken on all the nerves for her. What a great guy.
He smiled, that goofy crooked toothy grin of her best friend, and said, “Well call me a dreamboy, baby, because I’m about to make all your dreams come true–”
“Ok you did not get laid with lines like that,” Alex said with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah, sure I did!”
“No.”
“I did! Are you saying that did not make you cream your panties? What kind of panties did you say again–”
“Oh my god, just get in the car.”
“Fine, what date can I ask about your panties? Because I thought that one was ok since we talked about it the other night.”
“My panties?”
“Yeah.”
“You mean because you’ve been hoarding my underwear at your–”
“Woah woah I did not– I told you they were just mixed in with–”
“They?! How many of my underwear do you have?!”
“Get in the car, Song.”
She giggled and continued to taunt him as the car heated up and he looked up places. There was an indoor one at the mall they were familiar with but Alex wanted the outside one which was still open through the end of the month and served ice cream.
“You sure you’re ok with outside?”
“I’ll be fine! I have a coat and sweater tights.”
“Oh is that why they look fancy?”
“Yeah, they’re textured. Want to feel them?” she teased as he drove. But he took the advantage, letting his hand slide across her thigh. She got very quiet. His hand just looked so familiar and comfortable there, like that was his thigh.
“Yeah, I like these,” he nodded. “Your whole outfit.”
She waited, then sighed, “You noticed I couldn’t get my eyeliner straight, didn’t you?”
“Well, that’s why you have me now,” he laughed. “I can help next time.”
“Look you weren’t the only one nervous, ok?”
“Yeah? What were you nervous about, baby?” he asked, still rubbing her thigh. He might as well have been rubbing somewhere else with that firm grip. The devil part of her wanted to just ask him to let his hand run higher, maybe a sequel to the other night…
“Yeah don’t act all cocky now. I know your secret!” she retorted and adjusted her skirt.
“What’s my secret?”
“You like me.”
“You’re right, that is a very well kept secret,” he laughed. “Please don’t spread that around. There might still be a couple people in town I didn’t drunkenly blab that to in the last few months.”
She sighed happily at his expense. Maybe the craziest thing wasn’t being on a date with ex-best-turned-best-friend-again Jungkook. Maybe the craziest thing was that being on an actual date with him didn’t feel as crazy as she’d always expected it to. Would that come later? She hadn’t felt mismatched on his arm walking into either restaurant like she’d expected to. Yes, he was the hottest guy in any room. And he wanted to put his face between her legs, so what did that make her?
Ok, that part was still a little wild and crazy. Not only that he’d wanted to but she’d let him. Maybe she’d even let him do it for real next time.
“You ok?”
“Hm?”
“Is it too hot in here now?” he asked.
“Yeah, way too hot,” she agreed, reaching forward to crank the heat down. Jungkook cracked the windows. She drank the cool air in and pushed back against the warm tingling starting to build up.
“So what did your parents say when you told them I was picking you up for a date tonight?” he asked, throat clearing. It made her suspicious in two directions.
“Why, what did they say to you?” she asked, the safer question than: why you clearing your throat, boo? Whatcha thinking about?
“Nothing, they were just acting kind of weird…”
“I told them we were going on a date date and they were just like ‘oh really? That’s nice.’ I don’t think they believed me!”
“Well I was dressed up with flowers.”
“Plus you were acting super weird too,” Alex pointed out.
“Thanks, babe.”
His hand left her thigh as he took a sharp turn and Alex wished he’d read her mind and put it back, but he did not.
“Let’s get your wallet, dummy.”
Fifteen minutes and one returned wallet later, he pulled into the minigolf parking lot and pressed, “You sure you want to do this?”
“Why? You scared?”
“No, I meant because it’s cold–”
“You’re scared.”
“I’m not scared, Alex. You golf like a toddler.”
“It’s minigolf, that’s the point!”
“That’s not the… whatever, ice cream before or after?”
“During. I’m ready to doublefist a cone and a club.”
It really was fucking cold outside, but the course was lit and they weren’t the only ones. The snack bar served them the ice cream, the employee giving them a raised eyebrow but handing the cones over. Jungkook hit his first ball straight into a pond and Alex got a scathing look from a mom when she shouted what are you the fucking hulk? It’s minigolf! While he shouted accusations at her That was your fault! Why are you bending over like that to tie your shoe? Your boots don’t even have laces!
The truth was they were both pretty bad at minigolf tonight. Their teeth chattered and they huddled together from one hole to the next. They fucked with each other every single turn –dirty jokes, terrible impersonations, quoting memes and movies they knew would get a rise out of each other. Jungkook tried the same move she’d done in the beginning, even pulling his coat up to make sure she could see his ass, sulked when it didn’t work, and pretended like he was going to do a full on striptease –which would definitely have led to Alex’s premature death. Later she offered to suck his fingers to warm them up and he fell to the ground claiming he’d sprained his dick.
And then it started to rain.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jungkook shouted as Alex grabbed his hand and ran with him into the mountain tunnel in the center of the course. “It wasn’t supposed to rain until 9!”
“The weather does what it wants.”
“Yeah but it’s fucking with my date. You don’t like getting rained on! Unless today is the day we try the naked thing–”
She laughed and pulled him down closer to kiss his wet face. His skin was so cold. Their lips and noses were stiff. The sweetness of his mint choco ice cream lingered on his tongue. Alex stood on the railing for height and lost herself in the taste. She thought she’d be taking this dumb fantasy to her grave and yet here they were, making out in the minigolf mountain like the horny teenages they hadn’t gotten to be with each other.
After several long, lazy, uncounted minutes had passed, they huddled together at the exit to survey the remaining distance. The rain was not letting up.
“Did you make it rain?” he demanded. “You’re that upset I’m beating you?”
“Uh… you aren’t beating me.”
“Alex, I’m totally beating you.”
“You totally aren’t.”
“Then what’s the score?”
“I don’t know but you don’t know either!”
“7-11.”
“You liar!” she laughed and tried to hit his ass. “Fine, we’ll count for real now.”
“Wait, what for real now? It’s raining!”
“It’s not raining that hard.”
“It’s hard enough!” he cried, then instantly laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, then groaned, “But I’m not, I’m freezing!”
“All right, let’s golf fast! Orrrr you could admit defeat.”
“Never,” he glared and grabbed his putter and took off.
The cheating was flagrant and largely futile. Putters were traded for kicking, rolling, and eventually just dropping the ball in the hole. They shouted numbers to make each other lose count. They were laughing so hard, doubled over at times as the rain grew heavier and colder. She really did hate the way her clothes and hair clung to her wet skin, but it was worth it to endure. This was a special night.
“We’re idiots!” Alex laughed, then shrieked as she slipped on a little bridge. Jungkook dove forward and rammed his elbow on the metal railing, didn’t help her, and sank to the ground like he’d been knocked out. “Get up! Get up! You’ll get hypothermia!”
Instead he took her putter and shouted, “Good luck winning now!” and limped forward, clutching his elbow. Alex ran ahead of him and managed to shove her ball into the final return hole just as he tried to kick his in. Instead he kicked her in the shoulder and shouted in horror. She tried to stand, he tried to crouch.
“Fuck!”
“Up up we have to get back to the car, we’re going to freeze to death!” Jungkook shouted at her, grabbing her arm. They half-limped, half-ran back to the parking lot, tossing their putters in the return rack without stopping.
“We’re such idiots, we’re going to get sick and die,” Alex wailed as they stripped their wet coats off and shoved them in the backseat. Jungkook cranked the heat up. “Fuck, I hate my bangs!” she laughed, swiping at the hair plastered to her face, poking her in the eyes. “At least I wore my contacts.”
Jungkook’s hands replaced hers, pushing them back, followed by his cold lips against her forehead, her nose and then her mouth, all one smooth motion that completely overwhelmed her. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders in surprise as he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer, like the laughter and running and cheating had turned into raw energy that he now funneled into a hard, desperate kiss. The joy in that kiss made the world spin around her. The windows were fogging up and she felt that desperation again. Touch me, taste me, take me, do anything to me, let me be the girl you want.
“Alex.”
“Koo.”
His breath warmed her frozen nose and stung her frozen cheeks.
“Was this the worst date ever?”
She glared. “No! It was good because it was with me, right?”
“We’re both going to get the flu.”
“Stop complaining and just kiss me again,” she ordered, pulling him across the console this time. He pressed her into the seat, contorted, mouth getting hotter against hers by the second.
“God I can’t believe this was the best date of my life,” he completely contradicted himself.
The giggles burst out of her, “Damn. Really? That’s sad–”
He shoved icy fingers under her sweater to tickle and she screamed and kicked the dashboard in her attempts to flee. He just wrapped his arms around her and pressed his frozen nose into her neck, squeezing tighter.
“You asshole, let me go!”
“Never.”
“Jungkook!”
“You said you wanted outdoor minigolf, you suffer the consequences! I’m warming my nose up.”
“I’m so uncomfortably wet!”
“Yeah baby–”
“No, in a bad way!”
“Love leaving a girl wet in a bad way on our first date–” She couldn’t hear what else he said, drowned out by her laughter. Someone was going to think they were fucking in here with the way windows had fogged up so quickly and they were shaking the car. She pushed him away and adjusted the heat and wiped at the condensation on her window. Now it was uncomfortably hot, and also her clothing really felt disgusting like this. The fluffy sweater was scratchy and gross. She pulled it away from her skin but it just clung right back.
Jungkook shook his head.
“What?”
“I tried so hard to make this date nice,” he laughed.
“Oh my god you’re so hung up on this. I’m having a great time!”
But perfectionist Jungkook. She should have known he’d have some specific idea in mind! He struggled when things didn’t go the way he planned, if he wanted them a certain way. Usually he’d insist he didn’t care and overcompensate in his frustration, make too much of a joke about things in an effort to be cool that was always obvious and annoying. He hadn’t done that! But she knew frustration lingered with him and she didn’t want that to be what overshadowed their date!
“Seriously. Please don’t remember our first date as a failure. Ok, how about this, what if we decide this was just a trial run.”
“Uh huh.”
“Our next date is our first date,” she explained, twisting in the seat. It was gross, her tights and skirt squished. “We’ll just keep having first dates until you’re happy.”
“Wait, but I’m happy. Don’t make it sound like I’m not.”
“Uh, you aren’t though, you’re the only one in this car who’s unhappy.”
“I’m happy,” he insisted, eyebrows going up, lips pouting. “It’s just not as good as I wanted to do for you, but I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m on a date with Alex Song!”
“Oh please…”
“I meant that seriously.”
“You said it like a joke.”
“I meant it seriously,” he insisted. “I want to impress you, you know? You’ve seen the worst of me for so long, I want you to see the best of me too. Like that I can take you on a really fun, nice date, not that I’m just some lazy, sex-obsessed asshole–.”
“I see the best of you all the time too, or I wouldn’t be on a date with you in the first place. I already know we can have a great time even when things go wrong. This date was genuinely great but even if it was actually awful, I’d still have fun with you, it’s one of the things I’ve always… liked about you.” Loved about you.
She didn’t say it.
She balked.
She didn’t know why she didn’t say it. She had expected the words to just roll right off her tongue. Because she did, she knew she loved him, and not too long ago she could have said it without any hesitation.
But it meant something more now, and the words tangled up behind her cold teeth.
She hurried to add, “I know that you can be both a really sweet, thoughtful guy and a lazy, sex-obsessed–”
“Ok ok,” he huffed, pouting he’d set her up for a zinger like that. He turned on the headlights and sighed. “I’d better get you home so you can put on your jammies. I’ll feel like an asshole if I really do get you sick right before Christmas.”
“I’m the one who insisted on minigolf.”
“Ok, it’s your fault then.”
“Jungkook!”
“Hey don’t hit me, I’m driving! That’s just what we need tonight, a car wreck!”
“Fine, you’re safe for now…”
She curled up in her seat and tried not to make it obvious she was staring at him. The streetlights flickering through the rain on the windshield cast spotted shadows on his wet face but she could tell his nose was still red and sniffly.
He was cute. And sweet. It was endearing he’d been so serious and competitive about their date. She’d known him for so long but still she had learned something new about him tonight: he was not confident on a date. She had always known he had a gooey soft interior but he was so suave with women, she had assumed he would be all confidence and charm on a date. Instead he was a grumpy sulky baby when things weren’t going the way he planned.
Her grumpy sulky baby. Just like she’d always wanted. Hot as shit on the outside, sulky baby on the inside.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, glancing nervously her way at a red light.
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“Nothing!”
He reached out and sank his fingers into her thigh like a claw.
“NO! Don’t tickle me, you’re driving!” she shrieked and tried to fend him off. Fortunately the light turned green, saving her. “Rude!”
“I just want to know what you're thinking. I’m on pins and needles here.”
She decided to tease him more. “Well… I’m thinking I’d like to see you again.”
“Oh? Yeah?”
“Yeah. Maybe at our joint family dinner on Christmas Eve?”
“Booo,” he scowled. “Before that. That’s not a date, that’s a duty.”
“You want another date before that?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow, I’m a really good date, huh?” she grinned.
“Yeah, you’re cute.”
“I was joking!”
“I’m not.”
“Fine. How about I’ll plan the next date. When are you free, is it on the calendar?”
“Yeah, it’s on the calendar. Any time I’m not working is yours.”
She didn’t comment. She couldn’t comment on any of these things. Because this was just mundane, joky conversation, but the fact they casually making more plans together hit her like a bus. Part of her brain was like yeah, making plans with Jungkook, totally normal while the other part reminded you’re dating Jungkook.
He pulled to a stop in front of her house and started to get out.
“No don’t walk me to the door, it’s still pouring.”
“Yeah, but–”
“No, seriously. My parents might be watching the door anyway.”
“Yeah but…”
“Hey,” she said. “Save it for the first date. I’ll walk you to your front door at the end of the night.”
“Oh you’re driving?”
“Yeah, babygirl, we are equals,” she grinned.
“Did you just… just ‘babygirl’ me?”
“Yesssss,” she started to laugh before his fingers even tried to wedge under her shirt again. He kissed her before she caught her breath; she laughed and squirmed and it made their lips slide, the messiest kiss.
“K, get out of my car, I need to get home and shower before I get sick,” he said.
“Hold on, Jesus, I’m dizzy.”
“Huh?”
“You can’t just kiss a girl like that and then kick her out of your car, I’ll trip and die–”
“Ok, I’m walking you in.”
“No, stay put.”
“You said you’re dizzy!”
She squeezed his face so full of concern, and shook her head, “Goodnight. Thanks for the amazing date, I had a lot of fun despite your whining about it.”
“Hey!”
His shouted protests were swallowed quickly by the rain as she held her coat over her head and ran into her house. She was right that Baba had been watching the door and swung it open to let her in quickly.
“Alex, you’re wet! Did you get caught in the rain?”
“Thanks, Baba, goodnight!” Alex sang as she yanked her boots off, tossed her coat, and floated to her room.
There in the privacy of her bedroom, she covered her face and let out a silent scream.
He tried so hard!
He cared so much!
He was so handsome!
He was so awkward about their date and god, she loved him for it. Didn’t he understand how perfect it was? It was exactly what she had hoped for. The effort. The attention. All for her.
She looked forward to teasing him about it for forty years.
Especially the photo he posted to his Snap and Insta story of him with a towel around his shoulders, shirt clinging to his body, hair damp and tousled, giving a thumbs-up with the caption yeah everything went wrong but I got a second date so… Followed by a text only post on insta lol she ain’t on here fam she deleted insta a while ago
So he wasn’t talking about their date on insta as some kind of game or lure or to signal to her that he wasn’t still trying to hook up with women? He did it just to… share? Brag? Signal to women on instagram he wasn’t looking? Was he just excited about his date and used to sharing things on social media and didn’t think through the impact on his free sex life because that wasn’t a priority to him?
“Grrrr why are you so fucking cute,” she grumbled. “I’m supposed to be the cute one. Stay in your hot lane. ”
She DMed him a kissy face emoji in response to the story to give him a heart attack and went to shower. And afterwards had a good laugh when the stories and the pre-date photo were gone.
[AlandPals]: 😘
[TheJK.97]: 😎
[AlandPals]: take off the sunglasses
[TheJK.97]: 😵🪦
[TheJK.97]: so uh when did you dl insta?
[AlandPals]: night bunny
[TheJK.97]: that is NOT my petname
[TheJK.97]: night earwig
[AlandPals]: night weevil
[TheJK.97]: night shrimp cocktail
[AlandPals]: night nutter butter
[TheJK.97]: night cheeto finger
[AlandPals]: night kookie crisp
[TheJK.97]: night booberry
[TheJK.97]: night pistachio
[TheJK.97]: night titmouse (that’s a bird look it up)
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, language, sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below
Part One (word count 18,561)
Part Two (word count 22,573)
Part Three (word count 17,993)
Part Four (word count 14,805)
Part Five (word count 14,935)
Part Six (word count 26,439)
Part Seven (word count 21,171)
Part Eight (word count 24,460)
Part Nine (word count 19,060)
Part Ten (word count 29,670; split in 2 posts)
Part Eleven (word count 36,762; split in 3 posts)
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below cut
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter
Jungkook could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade. It brought him joy. Peace. He had never felt more confident in the truth that he loved Alex than he had the moment she ran up to him in front of the arcade. The moment she cried her way into his arms. The joy on her face when he convinced Tyler to let them back in. The way she dragged out the game.
And all because he’d waited. Even when she hadn’t shown up by the time the place closed, he’d been unable to make himself leave, so he’d just sat there in the cool night for a while, torn between feeling sorry for himself and wondering if she still might show up super late… and then she’d run across the parking lot into his arms!
Ok. He’d wait. No problem. For whatever it was she came around to, maybe just friendship again? Ok. Fine. He’d take whatever she would give him.
“Did you lose weight?” Jimin asked with a frown as he circled.
“No?” Jungkook looked down just as Jimin reached out and tugged at his waistband. He gestured to the tailor who came over and did the same. “I didn’t.”
“You’ve been working out a lot,” Namjoon said.
“No more than I used to.”
“Maybe it’s the stress.”
“I’m not stressed,” Jungkook assured them. “Are you stressed?” he asked Jimin.
“Yeah, I’m stressed as shit, don’t ask me that,” Jimin laughed. He looked at the tailor, who assured him, “He can tighten his belt, the pants don’t need to be taken in.”
“It was a joke,” Jungkook argued. Stressed was an understatement. Every minute of the wedding so far seemed to have been a battle Jimin and In’am fought against their parents. Honestly it was sad to see, not at all what Jungkook wanted for his friend around a thing he was so excited about. Jimin’s family was well off but not enough to pay for the caliber of wedding In’am’s parents wanted for their daughter. It wasn’t what In’am wanted either, so Jimin had suggested they elope, but she didn’t want that either. The last year of arguments between both families and the couple had covered everything from location, venue, food, guest list and size, style of dress, whether to serve alcohol, what sort of flowers, what time the whole thing should take place, and what sword Jimin would use to cut the cake since that wasn’t a Korean tradition and he didn’t just have a sword. Her family had not been amused when he asked if he could use his shinai from when he did Kendo. The arguments boiled down to whether the wedding was Egyptian or Korean until In’am apparently took all four parents to task (“it was really something to see; I feared for their lives and I think they did too”) that it was their wedding and they didn’t want any of their money if there were conditions attached to it.
Who was actually getting what they wanted, Jungkook couldn’t say. Weddings in general seemed like a lot of expensive fuss to him, though he was honored Jimin had asked him to be a groomsman along with Taehyung, his own brother, and one of In’am’s. And also happy just to do what he was told and when.
Jungkook shared a look with Taehyung as Jimin finally decided Jungkook’s pants were fine. When he turned away to worry about something else, Jungkook followed around him and began massaging his shoulders.
“Everything’s going to be fine, man.”
“One month left. People are flying in from Korea and Egypt and I don’t even know where else for this. Yesterday In’am’s father called me because he hasn’t seen a draft of the Moa’khar.”
“Ooh, what’s that?” Taehyung asked.
“Egyptians do these big marriage contracts, and that part is how much money I’d give her in the event of a divorce,” Jimin said. Practically shouted. “We have a prenup but he doesn’t need to see it! In’am had told him no Mahr –that’s the part of the dowry I pay to In’am, or maybe it’s both that and what I'd pay to her family? I get confused… Anyway, she said no Mahr, no Moa’khar and they agreed to that. Our pre-nup is separate, the contract we sign during the ceremony is more… spiritual,” Jimin explained. “Poetic. But then he starts asking me questions again, I think he was trying to trip me up. So In’am calls her mom, and get this, apparently In’s mom and my mom have been talking by themselves, because then Eomma calls me and wants to know if we should book belly dancers as a make-good with In’am’s family.”
With a sigh, he sank down onto the platform the tailor had put him on earlier to check the hem of his pants again.
“Make good for what?” Jungkook asked, looking at himself in the mirror. Had he lost weight? He didn’t think so. He wasn’t trying to and didn’t want to; actually he’d rather bulk up more. Maybe he really wasn’t eating enough, now that he spent less time cooking now that there was only himself to eat it. Before living with Namjoon, he’d never realized how many hours a week the guy worked. No wonder he had money, but when did he plan on spending it?
“For them not getting a lot of the things they wanted with this wedding, I guess,” Jimin shrugged. “Actually In’am’s brothers hired belly dancers for the reception. I told her because I didn’t think she’d appreciate any surprises and she was excited so that’ll be fun. Her bridesmaids got a bunch of scarves to give people to tie around their hips.”
“Belly dancers, huh?” Jungkook grinned. Taehyung snickered and threw a wadded up sock at him, but Jungkook wasn’t being creepy about random women, he was being creepy thinking about Alex belly dancing. She’d be cute. Sometimes it was hard to predict when she’d let go and when she’d be shy, but either way would be cute. He wondered what she was going to wear and if it would show off her tits. Black tie affair and all that.
“Hey, Alex didn’t change her RSVP, right?” he asked. He didn’t care that it was transparent to his friends at this point; they didn’t even raise eyebrows anymore, which he suspected meant they’d all just started to think he was a little pathetic but were too nice to say anything about it. He wasn’t sure he preferred that to when his friends thought he was stupid and in denial.
Jimin stood at the tailor's beckon and answered, “Nope, she’s good, I just talked to her yesterday.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, uh… she and Hoseok came over for dinner.”
“Ah. I didn’t realize you did that.”
“We haven’t much but In’am has invited them a few times and Alex always said no, but I guess she felt guilty about it because when they came over the first thing she said was ‘I swear I’m not avoiding you guys!’”
“She kinda was for a while though,” Taehyung insisted. Not only had she missed Jungkook’s birthday party, but also Namjoon’s and Jimin’s, though both were smaller celebrations. People had split up and done their own things, if anything, at Halloween, but she and Hoseok had done something else for that too.
“Yeah but don’t hold that against her,” Jungkook defended. “I think she just felt bad about…”
“That was business with you though, not with us,” Taehyung argued.
“I know but she used to worry that you guys were only friends with her because of me,” Jungkook ratted her out.
“What?!”
“That’s insane,” Taehyung gasped. “We like her way more than we like you.”
“Yeah, I know, thanks!” Jungkook laughed. “And you know, she runs away from conflict sometimes. A lot of times. But that’s good she was hanging out with you again. It was good to see her at the arcade so maybe that means things are, you know, calming down.” He shrugged to look indifferent.
Taehyung snickered, “Yah, he’s told us about the arcade how many times now?”
“I’ve seen the picture at least three times.”
“No! I did not. Shut up.”
The tailor left Jimin alone to change, but first Jimin came to Jungkook and put his hand on his shoulder and said more gently, “They’re still together though, you know.”
“No, I know. It’s fine. I’m glad she’s happy. That’s fine, it just sucks that our friend group got all fucked up so it’ll be good if we can go back to the way things were. I mean, in some ways,” Jungkook assured them.
A beat, and then: “It’s weird how differently he talks about things now, huh?” Taehyung asked and Jungkook realized belatedly the question was aimed at Jimin, as if Jungkook wasn’t even there. “I think our baby Jungkookie is growing up.”
“Yeah, I think so too! It’s crazy to see.”
“Hey now. No I didn’t! Don’t call me boring! I’ll embarrass you at the wedding.”
“You better fucking not! Get it all out at the bachelor party.”
“But what about all these beautiful women who will be at the wedding?”
“You’ve met them all,” Jimin insisted.
“Have I though? Not all of them,” Jungkook insisted, wiggling his eyebrows. Jimin and Taehyung laughed. But it all sounded hollow to Jungkook, even his own jokes. It was like they knew he was not likely to pick up any women at the wedding. Maybe he would. Why not? Maybe he should. Especially if Alex was there with Hoseok. Did waiting mean not having sex in case that made her think he had lost interest? Or was it better for him to go back to picking up women because it could distract him, especially if she might not ever decide to give him a chance?
Well, whatever. He’d play it by ear. Maybe that bridesmaid would be down again, she’d been fine. He’d see how bad it hurt to watch Alex all dressed up dancing with Hoseok. Would he get a dance with her again like that night at salsa? No, probably not…
Suit fitting done, they packed up and headed back to Jimin’s car.
“Let’s go do something,” Jungkook suggested.
“Uh… right now? Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Taehyung and Jimin both looked at him like he was crazy. “Come on, we’re always so busy, let’s go… do…”
“Ooh wanna go to the indoor golf–”
“No,” Jungkook and Jimin said together, and then laughed at Taehyung’s pout.
“Jimin chooses, he’s the one with the wedding in a month,” Jungkook suggested.
“Let’s get some food,” Jimin suggested, which Jungkook was glad to hear, because the wedding diet talk had seemed a little too much to him lately. “And then we can shoot some hoops? You want to?”
“Yeah!”
“I’ll do it for you,” Taehyung conceded, pressing his hand to his chest.
“I’m glad you’re feeling up for it,” Jimin said to Jungkook as they carefully placed their suits in the trunk. “You stopped hanging out almost as much as Alex did for a while there…”
“I hung out sometimes!”
“Yeah sometimes but not like you used to,” Taehyung pointed out. “We almost thought you had a girlfriend. I didn’t because you play way too many video games with me but–”
“How do you know I just don’t have a really cool girlfriend who likes video games?”
They both laughed at him.
“Ok fine. No girlfriend. I just took some time to chill. It’s good. You should try it sometime,” he nudged Jimin.
“Yeah, on my honeymoon.”
“Noooo that’s not what a honeymoon is for!” Taehyung cried. “You’re supposed to be fucking!”
“Yeah, we’ll sleep after.”
“You sleep after?! I just go all night,” Taehyung grinned.
Jimin grimaced, “Ooh, you must not be doing it right then. It ought to put you out.”
Their banter made Jungkook smile and he was grateful for the spotlight to leave him again. He knew his friends had worried about him and offered whatever comfort they could in their own ways, and that he’d been mostly numb to it. He hadn’t wanted to admit how badly he was hurting. He was embarrassed he’d told everyone about getting rejected. And mostly he was just really sad. Really sad. A kind of sadness he didn’t really know to deal with.
But that evening at the arcade had changed something. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt it, so he wasn’t surprised that Jimin and Taehyung were noticing something different in him. He thought they might be misunderstanding and thinking he was “over it” now or something. He wasn’t! But he felt like his and Alex’s souls had connected just during that short time hanging out in a way they hadn’t for a long time. The mixture of regret and grief and longing wasn’t gone, but it was easier to co-exist with suddenly. He needed at least occasional contact with Alex for nourishment, and maybe this meant they could ease back into that now. He’d see her at the wedding. Maybe they could be friends again. That was healing. He had hope for that.
Plus Mama Song had said his dream probably meant –not a dream about Alex, but she’d been at Eomma’s when he went home a few days ago and she’d asked him if had any interesting dreams lately and then said it sounded like he was dreaming about springtime and rebirth of something lost. He liked that. He also found it really weird that their parents didn’t seem to think anything was weird about Alex moving out of the apartment and them not coming over for family dinner at the same time anymore but no one was asking him about it. So he was just going to do what he did best for now and play dumb.
“Where are we going to shoot hoops?”
“Yoongi knows a place, I’ll call him while we eat,” JImin said. “Can we really do this? Just play for an afternoon?”
Taehyung glanced back at Jungkook and agreed, “Yeah, we have to do this, you’re right. Between the divorce and wedding, we’re all boring and worn out.”
“Namjoon’s divorce was years ago,” Jungkook pointed out.
“Your divorce, dumbass.”
“Ohhhhh hey let’s not call it my divorce…” He suspected that would not go over well with Alex. Even if it felt kind of right.
“Do you think being divorced improves or damages your game?”
“Seems to be doing ok for Namjoon.”
“Yeah I can’t believe he asked for a +1 this close to the wedding. In’am told him yes but there was murder in her eyes,” Jimin snickered. “I think we’ll be doing great if we get through this wedding without my wife committing homicide.”
“See? This is why me and Sabina are going to elope.”
“Are you?!” Jimin gasped.
Taehyung gasped too, “No no not yet! Don’t slam on the breaks, you’ll get butt-bumped!”
“Read ended,” Jungkook laughed. “Butt-bumped?”
“We’ve just talked about it and agreed. Not yet though. Promise I won’t propose at your wedding, it’s not my style.”
Jimin’s phone buzzed as he pulled into the parking lot of a lunch place, “Ah, good, we’re on for hoops with Yoongi after this. Good idea, Jungkook. It’s been a stressful few months, it’ll be fun just to do something like that.”
And of that was the set up for Jimin breaking his nose four weeks before his wedding.
Alex could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade.
The fight with Hoseok had been unpleasant, but they’d made their apologies and moved past it. That was fine. She felt like she’d shown him something ugly in herself but he didn’t seem to think so, so ok, they were good again. Neither of them wanted to dwell on it so they didn’t. They’d had plenty of sex, snuggles, and pleasant times in the two weeks since then. They’d gone to dinner with Jimin and In’am. They’d done karaoke with Taehyung, Sabina, and Seokjin.
Hoseok had invited her to go home with him for Thanksgiving and she had agreed! Why not! He’d met her family! That was the sort of thing you did when things were going well with your boyfriend!
She had tried to blame the residual thinkies on Hoseok at first, and fear for her relationship after such a rough day and her own exposed lies but no, that couldn’t be it. Everything there was once again smooth. She wasn’t even that stressed about meeting his family! Maybe it was naivety because everything had gone so well so far, and he was confident that would go well, so why shouldn’t she be?
There was something sad always on her shoulder now, knowing the arcade was closed. She’d tried blaming it on that. She drove past the mall on her way to work from her parents’ house now and so she constantly saw the aged outline of the sign that had been ripped off the exterior. No more arcade, just the ghost of one, and all those memories tucked into a past she’d tried to close herself off from in an attempt to…
To what?
It wasn’t that she couldn’t answer. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to think about her time with Jungkook at the arcade because every time she did, something inside her fractured. She didn’t want to remember that his smile had been for her when she’d come running up; he’d waited without even knowing if she was still coming! And that haunted her, that he waited. She didn’t want to remember how cool it was when he got them one last game. She didn’t want to remember their last game, and the lazy click of the puck as neither of them tried to end the game. Of course it felt like they were the only two people in the world. The arcade was closed! They were the only ones!
“My parents don’t mind for us to stay in the same room,” Hoseok was telling her. “So we’ll just stay at their house and save on the hotel since the flights were expensive. Sorry about that… I don’t usually go home for Thanksgiving so I didn’t think about it.”
“It’s fine,” she assured him. “I’m not paying rent right now so I’m just rolling in dough.” He grinned and continued on about what they’d do while they were there. His parents had only gotten into American Thanksgiving in a big way in the last few years as they got more involved in a local church, and the collection of food wouldn’t be only American Thanksgiving dishes, and Hoseok had actually only been once, but he said it was a nice time with his family, who were fun and festive people. They were big on Black Friday shopping so they joked it was a nourishment ceremony before the next day and an excuse to get the family together. Hoseok’s mom was the sort of woman who said “We are very fortunate; we should celebrate every day of thanks in any culture.”
They sounded wonderful. Alex recognized how grown up it was that she’d be getting on a plane and flying home with her boyfriend to meet his family. And while she knew she ought to be nervous, she honestly wasn’t. Hoseok’s family sounded great. Probably she’d get along with them just fine since Hoseok thought so. Or maybe she was nervous and that’s why she felt so weird lately and she just didn’t understand her own feelings! It wouldn’t be the first time that was true!
“I’m really excited,” he beamed, the truth of it shining through his smile. Alex returned his smile and hoped he didn’t notice the slight hollowness to it. He didn’t seem to. He pulled to a stop in front of her parent’s house and leaned in to kiss her; she pressed her fingers to his cheek to keep him from lingering in case her parents or neighbors were watching.
“Me too,” she belatedly assured him, then poked his dimples. He was cute. He was so fucking cute and nice and handsome and sweet and thoughtful.
She slammed the door a little too hard and waved as he pulled away, then took her time stomping across the yard. Baba was slow on the leaves this year and her brother wasn’t here to help. Mama had said they should just hire someone this year but Baba was being stubborn.
She needed to pack.
She sat in the middle of her bed, clothes spilled around her all over the room. She always hated packing for things, even things she looked forward to. And she was looking forward to this! She was! Meeting Hoseok’s family was the next step in her perfect relationship with an amazing guy, it was romantic, it was so fucking great!
Baba walked past her room with his sweatpants and sweatshirt on and Alex leapt up.
“Baba! Are you going for a walk? Wait for me, I’ll come too!”
“Oh, Alex, yes, ok.” He looked surprised but also like it was faked; she suspected he had hoped she would join but didn’t want to ask. Two peas in a pod, they’d been called. Copy paste. She wasn’t sure that was always flattering, but could admit to herself it was true. She minded less as she got older. She didn’t care about waiting to be asked right now though, she was psyched for a reason to delay packing, and grabbed her coat and met him at the front door.
“The leaves are out of control, Baba,” she complained as they hiked through them to get to the sidewalk.
“Yes… your brother isn’t here to help me this year, you know. Maybe I will ask Jungkook and Jin-hyun to help an old man. Should I?”
“Why don’t you just hire someone?” Alex countered. “They’ll come through with their leaf blowers and big tarps and have the whole yard spotless in like an hour.” She shoved her hands into her pockets as a nippy wind blew right through the curtain of her hair, no protection at all. At least she had a hat but she should have bought a scarf. Baba was tougher against the cold than she was, clearly, but looked cute and serious about his walk with his matching sweatsuit and the Packers hat with a bright pompom on the top.
But Baba made a face, “No, I don’t want every leaf gone. Where will the bees and butterflies sleep in the winter? They need some of the leaves, I read it.”
“Uh huh.”
“And to have a yard… it’s my yard, it’s my job. It is a blessing to have a yard you can break your back working in.”
“Don’t break your back, Baba! It’s a blessing to have money to pay someone else to do it.”
“I won’t break my back, I’m not that old,” he teased. “I was being dramatic. I learned it from my daughters.”
“Sexist.”
Baba chuckled and continued, “Before this house you know we lived in a little apartment. My whole life I lived in little apartments. When we bought this house I felt like a millionaire to have so much space! I watched you three grow up in this yard with your soccer balls and your,” he gestured his hands turning over, “somersaults and your snowsuits. I take care of the yard with my own hands and say thank you to the house for all it gives us.”
“Yeah but isn’t hiring yard guys like sending the house to a fancy spa?” Alex countered which made him laugh again. Baba’s laughter was healing, always. To make him laugh again, she asked, “Why do you like the Packers, Baba? We don’t live in Green Bay. I don’t even know where Green Bay is.”
“Michigan. Didn’t I send you to school?”
“Yeah but I didn’t pay attention,” she joked.
“You paid attention. Only one of my children paid attention in school,” he chuckled. “But it’s ok.”
“Is it? Even though none of your children are lawyers or doctors or even married with children?”
Baba’s face went a little slack as he asked, “Did I teach you that’s what I want? I want my children to be happy. If being a lawyer with a lot of money is happy, that’s one way. If that’s making the best drinks at the Starbucks and dating a nice man, that’s good too. If that’s riding around on a bike with the ladies in Italy– yes, I know what your brother is doing there! I am old, I’m not a fool!”
“He is very happy though,” Alex snickered.
“The world is very different to me. I think it is easy as a parent– you want the best things for your children. You think the best thing for them is the same best thing for you,” Baba said and Alex kept quiet because this felt far more profound and meaningful than what she had expected on a walk. Usually they just roasted the neighbors’ ugly ass dogs and heckled any cats peeking out of windows and fantasized about what they wanted Mama to cook for dinner.
“Very long ago I realized I can want one thing for them or I can let my children tell me what they want. Maybe I worry that they are choosing something that isn’t what is the best thing for them, but is my choice better? Maybe it is better here, you have more money, you have insurance and you can buy a house, but is it better over there? Are you happy? Maybe my children will resent me in old age because we did not push more this way or that. It’s nice to do this though. My parents did not act like this for me. I know they loved me but I did not go on walks with them because I wanted to.” He smiled at her, and his roundabout way of saying how much he enjoyed their walks together made her tear up a little.
“I think you did everything really good,” Alex insisted. “And I really appreciate that you let me move back home. I know it’s a burden to be feeding me and–”
“My children are never a burden,” Baba corrected. “So say the same thing when I am old and feeble.” Alex laughed and nodded. “We worked very hard all the time to make a home our children can return to. You know in China, sometimes you live together as a family forever. I think that’s nice! Hoseok can move in too!”
“Um… probably not,” she giggled.
“Ok… maybe someday,” he winked. “I think we are happy.”
“Yeah.”
“Also none of my children had the grades for medical school.”
“Baba!”
“Can you see anyone doing the bar test for law? Not me! Do not try to climb a mountain that is not for you to climb, that’s the secret to happy,” Baba laughed, loud and proud of his teasing.
“But what if it’s not always obvious what the right mountain to climb is,” Alex demanded. “Then what?”
“Ah.”
“You’re an old man, it’s easy for you to look back at all the mountains you climbed and say which ones were right and which you should have skipped, but I’m young and stupid, Baba. if you know the mountains to climb to be happy, I’m ready for you to tell me now.”
“You are not happy?” He didn’t look at her when he said it, so it didn’t feel like a real question. It felt like one he already knew the answer to.
“I am.”
“Ok then.”
“And I’m also not.”
He nodded and looked over when a neighbor’s dog barked but didn’t interrupt to point out they’d given the dog a very stupid haircut. Alex would have appreciated the distraction because honestly she wasn’t sure what to say about her personal unsettled state. She couldn’t even speak honestly with herself about anything right now, she thought that was a core problem. And as much as she loved her parents, she didn’t usually go to them with personal problems of this sort. Not that she’d had many boy problems in the past. But that wasn’t the sort of thing you talked to your Dad about!
“I should be happy,” she said, vaguely. “Literally everything is going so well for me right now. I’m saving up money living at home. I have a great boyfriend and I'm going to meet his family in a couple of days. I love my job and I just got a small raise.”
“You did! Alex, I am so proud of you, they don’t pay you enough, you are the best worker they have,” he gloated, clapping her on the shoulder.
“Ok I mean it was like another quarter an hour, but thanks, Baba.”
“And you do not feel happy? That’s ok. Maybe it is hard to go home when you live free and partied for years.”
Alex’s mouth twitched as she debated what to say, then decided, “It’s definitely different. Not that I was partying all the time! But it’s kind of weird figuring out how to act because I’m under your roof but I’m also a grown up… but it’s not even really that. I mean I do miss living with Jungkook. A lot. We had a lot of fun living together but…”
“Sometimes things change,” Baba offered when she trailed off.
“Yeah. Things changed. I met this amazing guy and Hoseok is just great and dating him is easy and wonderful. I feel like I’m moving forward in life. But sometimes things don’t change, or people don’t change– or how do you know they’ve changed just because they say so? Do you trust your experience or what they’re saying?”
Baba raised his eyebrows like this was a question above his pay grade. She realized she was being too vague to probably get any useful advice, if Baba even had any to give. Mama had been his first and only love as far as Alex knew. They’re married young and while she didn’t have any delusion that life had always been easy for them, they were still happy and together after all this time, close, romantic, supportive. Best friends. So clearly they had chosen the right mountain to climb. Or the right person to climb the mountain with. Or whatever.
She sighed and decided not to say anything more. It would just be weird and confusing even if she could figure out how to articulate it. But how could she explain the feelings to Baba when she didn’t even understand them herself?
No. Worse than that.
She did understand them.
She just didn’t want to.
She didn’t want to look at how fucked up it was that she’d been ready to tear her boyfriend to shreds because she had wanted to spend time with her ex-best friend so badly. That in fact she’d lied about it.
She didn’t want to look at the red flag planted in how fast her heart had raced when she’d seen Jungkook stand up from that curb, still waiting for her. And how instantly she’d been soothed by his arms around her. And how blissfully content she had been idly knocking a puck back and forth with him in an empty arcade. She didn’t want to think about how she always hoped she and Baba would run into him visiting his parents and what it meant to want his attention so badly –not just as a victory that finally he realized she was a women just like all the other ones he fucked, but because she, pathetically, wanted his attention just as much as they did. The same kind of attention and more. Because she wanted all the other things with him too: the closeness, the grossness, the teasing and bickering and competing, the comfort. Life with him had been so close to perfect except for that whole part where he had no romantic or sexual interest in her. She wanted romantic and sexual interest– no, she needed that! She deserved that! And Hoseok gave her that! How could she truly tell if Jungkook suddenly said he did have those feelings? It wasn't like he’d been secretly thinking dirty thoughts about her all these years they’d been friends, she would have known!
She didn’t want to admit how badly she wished it was true. All of Jungkook? She could have all of him? She could be everything for him? He wanted that? It was hard to imagine and yet she had worked hard not to imagine it many times before. At times it had been a real struggle to enforce that friendship boundary and not read too much into every little interaction but over time she’d gotten so good at rejecting that longing that it finally shut up. All the women he fucked had made it easier in some ways. It was easier to box up the longing when constantly reminded that it was a dead end. You were never an option.
And now what? Jungkook was many things, but he’d never been a liar, not to her. She’d always known when he was lying. It didn’t feel to her like he had been lying. Even if he was dating Anita now, which she had been too chicken shit to ask for confirmation from him or any of their friends, even if that was true, it didn’t mean he was lying. People dated someone even when someone else had their heart all the time.
It could happen to anyone.
But it couldn’t be true.
But he had risked and lost everything, he wouldn’t have done that if he meant it. Unless he really didn’t care about her at all!
But Jungokok moved quickly from loss to victory; he wouldn’t linger at the site of a failure for no reason.
But he had dragged that air hockey game out too. He was lingering. Wasn’t he? She had tried not to linger. She never wanted to linger in her life over a guy who didn’t linger back; she’d made that rule for herself very young while watching her friends lose their fucking heads over idiot boys. She wouldn’t be one of them! And Jungkook was such an idiot boy!
God, he was so stupid. His timing was so bad. If he had said these things to her six months ago, then what? Would she have believed him then…?
But it hadn’t been true!
It was too much to look at. She couldn’t. Looking at that was like looking at the sun; she was perpetually drawn to it and yet it burned her eyes so she should not.
What if when she had asked him to go to the wedding with her, he had said yes?
But he hadn’t! He had said an emphatic no! He had launched her into someone else’s arms and then suddenly regretted it? It was possible but fucked up! So stupid! And then what, he expected her to just drop her happiness because he changed his band? He’d said go find someone else and then no wait not like that!
Ok that really did seem like something stupid Jungkook would do…
The timing didn’t matter. Maybe the timing was the gift of all this, that she had not had to make this decision before she understood that someone else wonderful was out there who could recognize her and love her much faster, who didn’t make her work for his attention, who presented a clear and stable and happy future. Hoseok was a man! Jungkook was a child! They had been children together and now she wanted to grow up and–
But maybe he wanted to grow up with her too? Maybe he would? He was changing too. She’d felt that at the arcade. She’d felt that at the phone store. Honestly, she felt it in the way he hadn’t been texting her, harassing her to come back, drunk-dialing her, going out of his way to make sure she knew he was still getting mad pussy. When she moved out, he’d given her that shockingly mature speech, and dinner, and left her alone. He had changed.
But was it permanent? Was it enough? Was it what was best for her?
“You are very quiet,” Baba mused. “Are you tired already?”
“It’s just that there’s a cozy and familiar mountain that I care about a lot but I understood a long time ago it didn’t have a path for me,” Alex said. “And maybe that mountain doesn’t go anywhere anyway. It may not even be a very tall mountain, I don’t know! And this other mountain is perfect, it’s paradise, the path is easy and wonderful. But now maybe that other mountain does have a path… but I don’t know what that path is like and I’m already on a really nice easy happy path…”
Baba didn’t say anything. Probably this didn’t even make sense to him. Metaphors weren’t her strong point and this was an awkward thing to talk to your dad about.
“But I can’t stop looking back at the other mountain,” she murmured. “And wondering where that path goes… But it would be so stupid to leave this perfect, beautiful, wonderful adult mountain for a mountain that didn’t even think of letting me climb until I was on another mountain.”
She interrupted herself with a sigh and decided to stop rambling about this to her dad who likely did not want to think about his daughters having boy problems to begin with, much less climbing boy mountains.
Shortly after her father gave a similar sigh, “Ah, I want the easy life for my children. Didn’t you listen to my nice speech? I was a good father saying all those things! I told you easy is not necessarily happy. You can choose which you want. Only you choose the right mountain for you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks looking at the mountains. You think your mama is Mount Tai? No. But to me she is the only mountain worth the climb.”
“So you do know I’m talking about boys.”
“I know you are talking about the boys.”
“I had hoped my metaphor was confusing enough.”
“Yes it’s confusing but I know your mind sometimes,” he teased.
“So then tell me what to do.”
“Hm…. no.” He grinned.
“Babaaaa.”
“Ask Mama, she will tell you what to do.”
“I don’t really want someone to tell me what to do,” she admitted. “I just want to see into the future. I want to know for sure how it all turns out.”
“Yes, it’s easy to take the risk if you already know everything!” he laughed.
“There’s risk no matter what I do,” she complained. “No matter what I do, I lose something.”
Baba nodded, “Yes that is true. You lose this, you gain that.”
“But how do I decide which risk is worth it? I could risk everything and wind up with nothing,” she pointed out. There wasn’t actually any guarantee she and Hoseok would last a lifetime. Just like there was no certainty that Jungkook really meant what he thought he meant.
“You will always have something,” he corrected gently. “You have me and Mama. You have your brother and sister. You have a home you can come to. If no mountains you see right now are right, you can walk with me until you see a mountain that is. Maybe you don’t even like mountains.”
“Baba! Do you mean I’m gay?!”
“No no! I mean maybe you want to die alone!”
“Baba!”
“In a happy way!”
“BABA!”
She was laughing too hard the more flustered he got trying to explain himself. It was hysterical. Finally he calmed down enough to clarify,
“You don’t need a boy, Alex. Boys are too much trouble. Even your brother is trouble. It’s ok to live at home forever, I don’t mind.”
“Thank you, Baba. But I hope I don’t die alone. I want what you and Mama have.”
“Really? You think we are cool?”
“Not at all,” she teased. “But you’re happy and in love even though you’ve been together for a hundred years.”
“Yes,” he grinned. His face always lit up when he talked about her mom. The words didn’t even matter, they were always infused with so much love. She wanted that. A lifetime of that. One of these trouble boys had treated her that same way since the moment they met. The answer was so obvious!
Hoseok!
And yet.
Would it just take time for that ‘and yet’ to settle down and for her to accept the mountain was behind her and the path likely unstable and possibly not very long and also probably full of stinging nettles and bears and vultures and–
Ok she might have lost the metaphor now.
Suddenly Baba laughed and pointed, “Look at those ugly twins, all they do is yap. Why do you get those dogs?”
“Baba, you’re so mean,” she laughed. “You should get a dog!”
“Not like that one!”
“Ok what kind of dog do you want. Let’s talk about that now. Dogs are better than mountains.”
“Dogs are better than mountains,” Baba agreed. “I want a big dog. Big. He can sit in the window and scare people away. Mama will say no…”
It was pure coincidence he saw them leaving. He had agreed to help Appa with the leaves in their yard since another layer had fallen on top of the ones he’d already mulched. Jin-hyun had declined to help since Claudia was now a week overdue. The baby was getting evicted on Friday “whether he likes it or not” apparently. Because of that, they’d all decided not to drive to visit his grandparents and the rest of his family this year and would just crash the celebration the Songs hosted. Alex’s parents invited basically anyone who looked unattached to a big pot luck and it was lots of fun. The couple of years his family joined instead of traveling, he’d thought it was more fun than his own family’s celebration; they didn’t really “celebrate” so much as take advantage of the time off from work to get together and hang out, which was fine but not quite as cinematic.
As he raked leaves into a pile to bag, Hoseok’s nice blue car drove past with Alex in the passenger’s seat. He waved but they must not have seen him and they continued on.
When he and Appa finally went inside to take a break, Eomma had cool water waiting for him in the kitchen and a tray of snacks. Appa took his and went to sit in the living room but Jungkook lingered in the kitchen to see if his mom would volunteer any gossip.
She never disappointed.
“How is the yardwork going?”
“It’s good. We’re almost done I think.”
“Good, when you’re done with that you should go see if Mr. Song wants any help. He still needs to do his yard before the party Thursday.”
“What, Alex isn’t helping him?” he joked.
“No she can’t I guess. She’s flying away today.”
“Wha? Flying?”
“Yes, Hoseok is taking her home with him. His family is in… hm…”
“San Francisco.”
“Yes, San Francisco.”
He sipped his water and tried to look like he didn’t care.
So Hoseok was taking her home? She’d bought a plane ticket to go. Things must be going well for them then. He wondered if Hoseok had paid for her ticket. She must be excited to do that; she’d always wanted to go to San Francisco.
“Yes? Do you feel fine about that?” Eomma asked. “You forgot to stop drinking. Don’t choke on the ice!”
Jungkook gave a noisy satisfied sound like he’d just been really thirsty and set the glass down, “Yes, thanks Eomma. That’s some good water.”
“Gukka?”
“Eomma?”
“Everything is all right?”
“Yes, why? What do you mean?”
Eomma shrugged and went back to shaving the potatoes. He thought she was making kimchi pancakes for dinner and felt happy about that. Those were all the feelings he needed.
So she hadn’t felt any particular way then about the arcade. He’d imagined that connection. Or it was just friendly to her. Or it was really nothing.
“I may just stay home with Namjoon on Thursday, so don’t say I’m going to the dinner,” he decided.
“You don’t go just because Alex won’t be there?”
“Why does that matter? She has a boyfriend.”
Eomma’s eyebrows raised, “Oh you only want to see her when she doesn’t have a boyfriend? Are you still jealous to share her attention?” The casual teasing was a little too pointed for his comfort.
“Nah, it’s fine.”
“What happened then? She moved home, her parents say they don’t know why. I don’t know why. You and Alex aren’t saying anything so I guess it’s something serious.”
Jungkook frowned, “No, don’t ask questions about it.”
“Then why did she move home?”
“Our lease was up.”
“Gukka,” she scowled, then lifted her hand and pressed it to his cheek, holding him in place while she looked at him. He hated the scrutiny of her stare but could never leave when she did that. “Ah. I see.”
“What do you see?” he glared and crossed his arms and leaned against the counter after stealing a carrot. He didn’t actually want the carrot but he wanted something in his hand, something between his teeth.
“You realized you love her too late.”
“Damn.”
“Ha, yes?”
He sighed and nodded and chewed the carrot with all the strength of his jaw.
“A mother always knows these things,” she said.
“You could have told me.”
“I tried! But you never want to listen to your eomma, either one of you! You have a big heart and a big brain, Gukka, but they never work together. I’m glad to hear this though. It’s good; she’s a good girl. She’s good for you. If I was going to choose your wife, I would choose her.”
“Really?” Jungkook asked around the masticated carrot. It was all he could choke out, and choke he did, because the reference to marriage was something he hadn’t been prepared for.
“Yes! Smart, funny, beautiful, she takes care of you, she makes you slow down, sometimes you even listen to her! She’s stubborn though, that is her flaw.”
“Yeah, she is that,” Jungkook chuckled.
“Both of you! So headstrong, so sure you’re right. You can take the punches with each other but I always wondered, which of them will say something first? Too much pride, ego…”
“Say something about…”
“Love. But then years went by and you were both too comfortable. Nobody was going to say it. Something had to change or you two would be like that forever and maybe that’s ok but maybe it wasn’t enough.”
“It was enough for me,” he insisted. “I would have been happy–”
“It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for her and it wasn’t enough for you. All the women you chase, Gukka…”
“Eomma! What do you know about that,” he scowled.
“Yes, a mother knows! My son is popular, that’s good but it’s not enough.”
“It had to be enough. She’s not interested in more than that with me, so, fine. That’s all. That’s why she moved out, because I told her how I felt and let her choose and she chose the other guy.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. He would have felt less defeated by this conversation a day ago, but the knowledge she was off to see Hoseok’s family dragged him down. He felt what little hope had flickered to life now snuffed out.
“You know what I think?” she asked.
He didn’t want to hear it actually but wouldn’t be rude and pressed, “What?”
“I think you are impatient. You took so long to figure it out? Now you have to be patient. You love a stubborn woman and she has to realize you are the best man she could have.”
“If that’s true,” he mumbled.
“It is true.” Eomma set everything down and he knew he was in for it. “You are smart, you are funny, you are kind. You make everyone smile, all the way back when you were a little boy. You are good at everything you try, it was very hard on your brother! You work hard, you try to help everyone. You are such a good son, you come here and help your father with the leaves. You are strong and handsome and you have good hair and good skin now, you will age well like your father.”
“Thanks, Eomma,” he said, trying to let the compliments brush off him because they embarrassed him. She was his mom, of course she saw the best in him. But he was selfish too, short-sighted, overly competitive, blunt when he should be soft, soft when he should be strong. He took jokes too far and struggled to be serious about things he didn’t care about, especially if caring about it inconvenienced him. He worked hard but then he was lazy. He was thoughtful until he forgot stuff. She was right that he was stubborn and impatient. He was good at lots of things but not great at anything and he wasn’t sure that working at a phone store was that impressive although he made ok money and was a good employee. He was dedicated to his hobbies, though good luck finding a girl impressed with his gaming skills. Although Alex was.
“You are a good man,” Eomma said, taking hold of his arms. “I raised the best men with the best hearts and the best minds. Alex knows you are the best but it’s hard for a girl when the boy they like doesn’t notice them. You have to give her time to decide if she can forgive you.”
“I won’t hold my breath. Hoseok is everything she wants so I think she’s good now,” he shrugged her off, then decided to hug her instead, “But thanks, Eomma.”
“Hoseok is a nice boy but he is not you so, we will see. I know what I think will happen but ok, you don’t want to listen to me. Tell Appa dinner will be ready at six. He already knows, but tell him anyway. Sometimes you have to be like that with people.”
Jungkook took the hint but knew also that it was too late. He was fucking bummed now. Even his own mom knew he was an idiot, and while her blind devotion was sweet, it didn’t change the painful words he’d just said out loud: Hoseok was everything Alex wanted and he didn’t need to be forgiven for anything. Apparently she was happier with the changes she’d made for him, and good for her. He was glad she was happy. He would have been gladder if it was with him. But it wasn’t.
Ok. Time to let her go now? Wait a little longer? How long? Rebound? Fuck around? Find out? Maybe he ought to shock everyone and actually give dating a try. He didn’t believe for a second there was another Alex out there, she was one in seven billion, but there must be a second banana somewhere, right? Was he ready for that? He wasn’t so sure. He thought Alex was the only woman worth the effort of a relationship, but maybe he should try. Maybe he’d just aimed too high with Alex. Maybe this heartbreak was the thing that changed him into a better person.
Was he doing an ok job seeming like he was ok? Was he hiding that the loss of Alex ripped him apart right down to the core? He felt like he’d overslept and missed the flight that would take him to a happy life and now he was stuck with this one. And without Alex, it was lonely, sad, and lacking in purpose. He felt like he was slowly bleeding to death.
And people did this over and over? Lots of relationships? Insane. People were insane. Or maybe people just didn’t connect as deeply as he had with Alex. They’d fused together. She’d taken half his blood, half his oxygen, half his heart, and more than her half of the braincell they shared. Unfair!
Jokes. Jokes were all he had right now. Jungkook was the biggest joke of all.
He went to finish the leaves and then go see if Baba Song needed help with his before he went home to listen to sad songs and have a little cry.
“... please close tray tables and return your seats to their upright position…”
Alex pushed the button but had to tug the back of her seat to get it upright. Her actions were too sharp; she must have seemed frustrated because Hoseok laughed and helped her while shoving the magazine he’d been reading back in the seat pocket. He was the kind of guy who did that –not perusing through Sky Mall, which was the kinda guy Alex was, but buying magazines in the airport he could perch in his seat and flip through, commenting on skincare products and bag adverts and showing her salacious write-in advice columnists.
Alex felt sick. She’d felt sick the whole flight. Hoseok had asked if she got air sick and delicately passed a barf bag to her, but it wasn’t that. She’d wrestled to get the air vent to nail her in the head with a stream of arctic air but then it kept rustling her hair which made her want to scream so she had to move it off and just sweat.
Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong this was wrong.
Hoseok grinned and learned around her to see out the window as the plane began its descent and pressed his hand over hers on the arm rest between them. It felt like a metal claw to her, trapping her there. Handcuffing her in place. The flimsy plane seatbelt felt like an iron chain. She closed her eyes as the adjustment in altitude made her head spin, and wished that was all that was making her stomach twist in knots. She wished she got air sick.
They were near the back of the plane because they’d bought their tickets late. The wait to deplane was excruciating. Alex couldn’t even fidget looking at her phone. Her palms were so sweaty and when Hoseok took her hand, she flinched. He must feel the clamminess but he didn’t pull away because of course he didn’t. He was such a fucking great guy. He’d hold your hand even when you were sick and sweaty.
Alas, he was the sort of guy who called his parents to loudly let them know they’d landed even though they were still on the plane, but sure, he had to have some flaws. She wasn’t sure which annoyed her more, that he’d made the call, or that he sounded so cheerful and excited. Of course he was! He hadn’t been home for Thanksgiving in years, he’d told her. It hadn’t seemed worth the cost of the flight when he could go home for Christmastime instead, so usually he just worked. He had intended to do that too. But then, despite her laughable earlier fears that he might put his career above all, he had placed her first and decided to take the time off so he could take her home and introduce her to his family. A girl’s dream come true!
Finally the aisle cleared enough and they could get their things out of the overhead compartment. She pulled her bag too hard and it landed on her face, which seemed exactly right.
“Wait, let me help,” Hoseok laughed. “There’s no rush, we’re at the end! Let me help you, baby.”
Alex’s toes curled in her sneakers.
He followed behind her up the aisle and off the plane. She awkwardly thanked the pilot while Hoseok had a more cheerful greeting, like he and the pilot and attendants were old friends and it had been so good to see them again. The skybridge was deliciously cold and Alex lifted her hair off her neck and decided to bun it up after all. She had wanted to leave it down and look more dignified while meeting Hoseok’s parents, who would be picking them up from baggage claim, but…
“Hey I need to use the toilet,” she said, stumbling over the words in a way that probably made her sound like she was having a medical episode. She didn’t even wait for Hoseok’s confirmation, just made a beeline for the nearest restroom and locked herself in a stall so she could breathe. She did in fact need to piss because she’d chugged ginger ale on the plane and refused to use the plane toilet and it really felt like her bladder was going to erupt. But it had served as a distraction so she had appreciated the pain. Couldn’t meet his parents if she pissed herself, right?
A distraction from…
Alex closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to ground herself in this pleasant, peaceful location of the airport restroom. Banging seats, swinging doors, the loudest flushes known to man kind, jetway engine hand dryers, kids yelling for their moms, it wrapped around her and made her want to scream.
And yet nothing could drown out what was actually going on in her head:
Alex was very far up the wrong mountain.
Alex was going to meet the family of a man whom she adored, but who was not and would never be first in her heart because her heart was stupid.
Alex did not want to be here. It was wrong that she was here. Because Hoseok deserved to be someone’s everything and she wanted so badly for him to be her everything because he was wonderful! Just perfect enough to be actually perfect!
And yet when they had driven past Jungkook’s parent’s house and he waved at them from where he was raking leaves in the yards, Alex just felt that squidgy feeling down deep that told her she was going the wrong direction. That feeling had not quieted down as they’d checked in, or boarded their flight, or settled down in their seats. What should have been stressful and exciting in a good way was dreadful because Alex knew what was wrong, and denying it only made it louder and more certain in her mind.
Alex was stupidly, annoyingly, undeniably in love with her asshole ex-best friend.
FUCK.
The timing was terrible.
She could not stay in a relationship with Hoseok. It wasn’t fair to him, it wasn’t fair to her, it was making her someone she didn’t want to be. Not when her feelings for Jungkook were driving her to lie. Not when moving out and moving on didn’t remove Jungkook even a little bit from her thoughts. Not when seeing him gave her that rush that seeing Hoseok should have but no longer did. Not when the thought of seeing Jungkook flooded her with warmth and joy and comfort. And terror. And relief. It wasn’t even just about Hoseok deserving to be with someone better than she could be for him, it was about what she wanted too.
What she wanted was Jungkook.
Objectively the worse choice! Which made her want to laugh and slam her head against the bathroom stall wall. He was dumb and messy and selfish and gross and lazy and hardworking and funny and warm and sincere and reliable when it mattered and he was hers. He was supposed to be! And if he had finally realized that and she didn’t give it at least a try… even if it cost her Hoseok… she’d never forgive herself. She’d always wonder if she could have truly had what she wanted. And if it all went to shit, at least she would know she tried.
She couldn’t stay with Hoseok.
How long had she known this? She didn’t even know! At any point in the last few weeks she should have stopped this. Why hadn’t she? Because she wanted ot want this more, Hoseok was so kind and wonderful and good and loving him was easy but it wasn’t the thing she wanted most.
She never should have gotten on that plane.
But she had and she was here and the panic of being on a ride she couldn’t get off of was making her queasy. She’d gone too far the wrong direction. This was wrong! She was drowning! And it was going to keep getting worse if she didn’t do something. Things were going to be really bad for a while but then there might be Jungkook. Or she could keep doing this and there would never be Jungkook again, and that sounded so much worse.
That thought gave her some comfort. Some strength. It might feel terrible and shitty and too late but maybe, maybe he would be there waiting for her again.
She walked out of the stall because things had quieted down and looked at herself in the mirror. The way she saw it she had several choices. And they all sucked balls. And they were all going to be terrible. There was no good path here.
Option One. She could push through Thanksgiving with Hobi’s family and pretend to be happy and in love and charm his family but secretly feel like a monster and then break up with him in the near future.
Option Two. She could lie and say there was a family emergency she needed to turn around immediately and go home for. She did not think Hoseok would believe this and also she’d probably go to hell forever for lying to a great guy again.
Option Three. She could break up with Hoseok right now and send him heartbroken to meet his parents alone while she went to book a flight back home.
“Oh god,” she murmured and leaned heavily against the sink, feeling like she was going to be sick. There was no way out of it though. His parents were waiting in baggage claim! She literally had to decide this moment –no, not decide, because the decision was already made. There was peace in that decision. Somewhere deep beneath all the bullshit she was about to nosedive into.
The timing was so bad. It was so bad! And she’d done this to herself by dragging her feet and not wanting to look at the truth. Even if things with Jungkook crashed in flames, even if he’d changed his mind, she wasn’t willing to lie to Hoseok anymore. She wasn’t ready to settle for second in her heart yet. She understood people could do that! Make do and push through and never regret it. Who could regret a life with Hoseok?
But this didn’t feel right to her. This wasn’t what Alex wanted.
She splashed water on her face and wrists to cool down, then drew a deep breath and walked out.
Hoseok had grown bored waiting for her and sat in an empty row of chairs at the nearest gate. He was on his phone but hung up when he saw her and jumped up.
“Great! My mom and dad are here now, they’re at the baggage carousel–”
“Hobi, we need to talk.”
“Hm? Ah,” he grinned and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulder, “Are you nervous? Don’t be, they’re going to–”
“We need to talk right now, please?”
“Uh… right now?”
She bit her lips and settled down in the chair, needing their height to be more equal. He slowly sat as well, looking confused as shit, which was awful.
“Hobi.” Shit. Shit shit shit she did not know what to say. “Um…” She wished Hoseok would just figure out what she was hinting at. He did not. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I realize this is crazy, and terrible timing, and I’m really sorry. But I can’t meet your family. I want to break up.”
“Wha?” The word didn’t even totally register. His eyes got really big, mouth opening into a circle. That made her feel so much worse, that he wasn’t just like oh I kind of saw this coming. She could see it there on his face: he had truly believed her every time she had insisted she was all in on this. She had meant it! Until she didn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. Don’t cry don’t cry this isn’t your turn to cry. “I was so stupid to get on the plane but I just didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t want to hurt you and I love you, I really do.”
“Then… what… but– Alex, are you just scared? This was too soon to meet my family? It’s ok! They’ll love you–”
“No, Hobi, it’s not that. I’m sure your family is wonderful and I am so stupid that I– I’m so sorry. I really thought– it has nothing to do with you. You are wonderful, you are the perfect boyfriend and you have been amazing every minute of our relationship.” Oh my god what am I doing?! She wanted to scream at herself. How? How could she break up with this angel man whose attention she had yearned for?
“I don’t understand then. Why now? Right now? I thought everything was good–”
“It was but… and I’ve been crazy about you, please don’t think that was ever fake or insincere. But…”
He took several short breaths, nostrils flaring, and Alex knew if he started to cry she’d be done for. A boarding call started nearby and that nearly tipped her over the edge. She’d completely forgotten they were in public. Everything in the world had faded away to the man she was dumping in a fucking airport because his family was waiting outside to meet her.
“But… but Jungkook?” he guessed slowly, with a sniffle and a nod. She almost didn’t even hear it beneath the boarding noise.
And she couldn’t even fucking deny it. She expected him to start cursing her. She expected to have to listen to him trash them both, and call her a liar, and all sorts of things. She wouldn’t stop him. She deserved it. Maybe it would be nice to hear him say those things right now.
“I wasn’t cheating on you or anything,” she said. “When I said I was all in with you, I meant it. When I chose you, I meant it. I mean, you’re amazing. You’re incredible.”
“Ok…”
She didn’t know whether to keep talking or to stop. She wanted him to tell her it was ok and that he understood. She wanted him to say she had made the right decision. Or she wanted him to say something really shitty and terrible so she could hate him.
He just looked so sad and she felt the desperate urge to comfort him. She needed to! Her boyfriend was sad! She wanted to take his face and kiss that frown away, kiss that wrinkle between his brows. Take back whatever she did to make him sad. She was mean, she was so mean to break up with him! And right now! With his parents waiting outside to meet his terrible girlfriend!
“I’m so sorry, Hobi. I’m so sorry I’m hurting you.”
“You have to do this right now? How long– how long ago did you decide this?” he asked. “You came with me and now suddenly–”
“I wanted so badly to stay with you and I just have been lying to myself that I could forget him. I really wanted to– you’re so amazing.”
“So you came here knowing–”
“No, no, I really wanted to do this with you and be your girlfriend and–”
“Then what changed? Suddenly, on the plane? Suddenly you were sitting beside me and decided…”
She bit back the sob lodged in her throat and murmured, “I’m sorry. But it’s… it’s the truth of me now and I can’t pretend it’s not. You deserved better than this, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Hobi.” She reached for his hand but was not surprised he pulled it away. His face was so serious. It looked like he was just unhappy, bored, watching people walk quickly through the terminal to catch their flights. A loud family with lots of rolling bags went past. An old lady in a wheelchair. Hoseok’s phone rang and he just looked at it.
“I’m so sorry,” she said again, not sure what else to say.
“Are you sure you aren’t going to regret this?” he asked with a crooked smile and the tears in his eyes broke her heart.
“No,” she admitted. “I think I may always regret it in some ways. You’re such a dreamboy, Hobi.” He gave a sad smile that she returned. A tear snuck away and she quickly flicked it away. If even he wasn’t crying right now, she couldn’t.
“But not your dreamboy.”
“You were. And then I just…”
“Did I do something to make your feelings change or–”
“No, Hobi. You really didn’t. This is really really not your fault. And I’m so sorry I didn’t do this before getting on the plane. I’m sorry, I made this so stupid… I know your family is waiting there to meet me and– but I couldn’t meet them and then–”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I get it.” He shook his head and dabbed his eye with the back of his hand. “Shit.”
“I’m so sorry, Hobi–”
“I know. I know Alex. But hey, you um, you have to do what your heart wants, right?” She knew he didn’t mean that to hit as brutally as it did. She wished he meant it as mean as possible. She felt so awful. “What are you going to do?”
“See about getting a flight home.”
“Just turn right around? You don’t want to, um…” He laughed, realizing he had nothing to suggest. She laughed too. They were on the verge of tears, both of them, and she thought how awful this felt, how wrong it felt to end a perfectly good relationship with a perfectly good guy. Why was she doing this? On the off chance Jungkook still wanted to be with her? Even though there were no guarantees he did, or that it would work, or that they would be compatible in a romantic way. Even though there was a perfectly wonderful man right here, offering kindly after she’d just dumped him,
“Ok, let’s go see about your flight.”
“No, you’re not going back to?”
“No, I’ll stay with my family. Maybe… um, I need to call them–”
“No, just go to them,” she insisted. “I’ll get my own flight.”
“And just leave you here in the airport? No way–”
“Yes way,” she said. “I appreciate that you are the kindest soul and of course you’d still want to take care of me after I did this and failed you but–”
“You didn’t fail me, Alex. You were a really good girlfriend. I really loved you.”
“Ok don’t say that,” she pleaded, laughing at her own tears baaaarely hanging on to her waterline. “Oh god, Hobi, I’m so fucking sorry.” She covered her mouth and he put a hand on her shoulder and she laughed, “You don’t need to comfort me!”
“Ah, I’m just… I wish this wasn’t happening.”
She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t say anything else or she was definitely going to start sobbing. She hated this.
Still, she tried, taking his hand, “I probably am going to regret this and miss you for the rest of my life and you’re allowed to tell me ‘I told you so.’”
“I’ll never say that.”
“Even though you’re thinking it right now.”
“Maybe,” he laughed again, and brushed at his eyes. “Ah, Alex. I really thought…”
“I did too…”
He nodded and stood up, then sat back down, “Ok, but I’ll help you get your flight–”
“No, Hobi. Please just go and be with your family and tell them I said they have the most wonderful son.”
“I can’t just leave you.”
“Yes, you can. I’m a grown up and I can handle the consequences of my own bullshit. I’ll be ok. I think I’ll go cry in the bathroom for a little bit and then take care of it so just… I’m so sorry, Hobi. You are a dream come true and I know you are going to get snatched up so fast my head will spin.”
“You’re a tough act to follow.”
She wished that was true but didn’t think so. Instead she stood to encourage him to do so, but when he pulled her into a hug, it was hard not to break down.
“Text me that you have your flight, ok? That you get home ok. Promise?”
“Fine, fine, I promise. Now go! I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He nodded, and turned away, nostrils flaring. She wondered if he would make it to his parents without crying, or if he had the sort of relationship with them where he would cry on their shoulders, or if he’d pretend to be ok in front of his family.
Alex fled back to the bathroom. She had to wait to go get her bag from baggage claim and then turn around to ticketing until she knew Hobi and his family were gone anyway. Gone without her, off to celebrate without her lying, betraying ass in the middle of them.
This felt wrong again. It felt wrong to hurt a perfectly wonderful man whom she adored. Why had she done this?! And he’d been such a gentleman about it! Of course he had, he was amazing! This had to be the wrong choice because if it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so bad?
She sat on the edge of the toilet and quietly cried. She had hoped to feel instant relief, but she just kept thinking of Hoseok’s back walking away. Maybe she was only ever going to make the wrong decisions. Maybe she was going to regret this every bit as much as she had mourned the loss of Jungkook. Maybe she was the stupidest person to ever walk the earth! Hoseok probably hated her now and she respected him so much, that was devastating.
But she was right, right? She couldn’t be with Hoseok and meet his family and pretend like this was her future when driving away from Jungkook raking leaves, all she had felt was deep and solid certainty in her heart: I belong there with him and I will never be truly happy without him.
Namjoon had caught him crying. He was pretty sure that was why a Friendsgiving suddenly materialized where no Friendsgiving had existed before. Suddenly there was a group text and dates were debated and Namjoon was offering up their place so Jungkook couldn’t even get out of it. One minute Namjoon found Jungkook crying a little too hard at My Best Friend’s Wedding and exactly one day later Jungkook was wedged into the middle of the couch with twenty people cavorting around, offering him wine or bruschetta –or something a little stronger, if he felt like sitting in the backyard with Yoongi and Ash to smoke it. He didn’t.
He wanted to welcome anything that could help him ease into chill right now but worried it would just make him cranky and antisocial. He had taken for granted that he and Alex never hosted things like this, but living with Namjoon taught him just how much they had inconvenienced him every time they took over his place to party. At least now he would be around to help clean up tomorrow, which might take a long time, because Jimin had dropped and shattered a bottle of red wine the second he walked into the kitchen and that was just the beginning of the night.
Jungkook had always been so good at parties before. But he’d always had Alex to retreat to when he wanted a break. At least this party wasn’t as big and rowdy as they used to be, and it was all people he knew. He didn’t feel like performing. The photo he posted to his instagram in the beginning of the party showed him in a blue cableknit sweater with his arms around Taehyung and Namjoon, eight people crammed into the frame, all smiling and happy.
The absence of Alex was like a hole in his chest.
He felt it like the twinge of a phantom limb every time he started to enjoy himself too much. His friends were funny, it was impossible to completely block out the laugh when Jimin and Taehyung started sword fighting with garlic sticks (which Taehyung had brought but not bothered to even thaw beforehand), or when Sabina teased Namjoon about the stacks of books he had everywhere (“are they decoration? Are these new? These aren’t Jungkook’s. Do you actually read them or just collect them??), or when In’am, after three glasses of wine and all the wedding stress, started doing impersonations of everyone that were uncanny. A bird flew into the house at one point –like a whole ass bird from outside, where Yoongi and his fiance had gone with Ash to smoke– and the chaos that ensued had Jungkook laughing so hard he nearly pissed his pants. He and Taehyung and Sabina managed to chase it back out using pillowcases as Yoongi shouted directions at them and Namjoon acted like a goalie trying to protect the statues he had on shelves in the dining room.
Alex should be here enjoying everything. Hoseok, much as Jungkook hated to admit it, fit in well too. And since Alex was so over Yoongi these days, it wouldn’t be awkward that Jimin had invited him and Raquel. The greater friend group was healing and growing. Minxi couldn’t make it but Jungkook hoped she’d feel comfortable bringing May one of these days, even if he suspected Alex would have a hard time adjusting to her sister being around more. Anita made it and was busy asking Rebekah all kinds of nosy questions about the food she’d brought for herself, as if she’d never heard of kosher food restrictions before. Obviously Jungkook did because he’d looked them up before so he wouldn’t look like an idiot. Ash and Gwen and Devi and Robert, a whole roster of friends connected to the core of them –to Jungkook and Taehyung and Jimin and Namjoon and Alex. Except Alex wasn’t here. Even fucking Seychelle was here! And the sheer relief Jungkook felt to see she’d been telling the truth that she and Namjoon were friendly but not familiar anymore gave him a few years of his life back. When he’d nudged Anita and asked if she was going to make a move, Anita had hissed at him shut up and don’t fuck this up for me!
He flitted between the groups. Without Alex as an anchor or getting laid as a lure, it was easy to feel lost. He drank a little too quickly in the beginning too; it left him feeling like a silly little kid at a grown up’s party just poking his head in, trying to understand what everyone was talking about. But the buzz wore off and he didn’t replace it and the party came into crisper detail around him.
“Jungkook and I found these at a garage sale,” Namjoon explained to Yoongi, showing him the vinyl collection.
“Hey how much longer does this turkey need to reheat, Lori?”
“Is someone at the door? Oh, it’s Tony!” Pizza, Jungkook muttered under his breath, even though he’d misheard and it was actually Stone, who he hadn’t seen in months.
“Should we set the table? I brought more dishes.”
“So then I told them if they’re just going to do a round of layoffs, put me on the list! I’ll take the severance and get out, I fucking hate it there.”
“Taehyung was such a gentleman and my mother was so pleasant to meet him but afterwards she told me ‘I think he dresses too nice for you, you need to look nicer than your husband!’ Were you wondering why I left home?”
“No! Mothers can be so… You dress well! That’s unhinged to say.”
“I got an estimate but my dental doesn’t cover, so it’ll be like $1700 out of pocket! That’s insane. They don’t hurt yet so I think I’m going to wait.”
“Oh my god you really need to not wait. Go to the dental school, it’s a little cheaper there.”
Jungkook felt like the conversations rocked him steadily; was he imagining it, or did people keep touching his arm and shoulder as he passed. To comfort him? Had he suddenly gotten so pathetic? He wanted to believe everyone was just like that, and he’d been too busy in the past ricocheting around, drunk and playful and looking for someone to go home with, to slow down and enjoy it. Until sometimes towards the end of the night, when he’d flop around Alex and whine for her to take him home.
“Food’s ready!”
The cheer went up and Jungkook happily jostled in between Jimin and Taehyung as they scrambled around the kitchen counters to pile up their plates with the assortment of foods everyone had brought. Since he’d bailed on the Song’s Thanksgiving dinner, the food tasted extra good, even the ones that were just reheated from other celebrations.
“We need to get more chairs,” he told Namjoon as they all wedged themselves in around the dining room table and overflow into the living room and kitchen, perching wherever there was an available space to rest a plate.
“We aren’t usually all sitting down to eat at the same time,” Sabina pointed out. “It won’t happen a lot.”
Namjoon considered this though and argued, “Everyone seems calmer when I have chairs to put your asses in. Maybe our other parties would be tamer if I have a collection of chairs I can drag in from the garage.”
“Do you want them tamer?” Taehyung challenged, leaning on the table.
“Yes,” Namjoon answered easily.
“Ooh ooh should we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for–”
“Noooo,” the suggestion was met with groans and complaints so the idea was dropped. Jungkook would have been embarrassed to answer anyway. I’m thankful Namjoon let me move in with him. I’m thankful I have so many friends who can get together for something like this.
“Some of you folks are really good cooks,” Raquel, Yoongi’s fiance, mused, which led to a dissection of every dish, who made it, what was store bought.
“The funny thing I’m thinking is, what if Alex is why we’re so loud? She’s the one who’s not here–”
“No no don’t put that on her, there’s no way she’s the instigator.”
“She’s totally an instigator,” Jimin laughed. “And she’s loud. And–” He broke off and Jungkook lifted his beer to his mouth, afraid for confirmation that this party had really come together because he was such a sad sack.
“I think it’s fair to blame her,” Jungkook insisted loudly. “For too long her true nature has been hidden from all of you. Her greatest talent is she gets everyone around her to be loud and they take the blame while she skitters away.”
“Skitters!”
Jungkook could feel the tension from a few of them –but only a few of them. The rest seemed to take him joking about Alex at face value, same as it had always been. It made him glad if actually his failure and rejection were not truly common knowledge. He’d try not to get so drunk he ruined that.
He would have liked to make more jokes. Talking about her recreated a little of the anchor he was missing without her, but conversation blasted past him and he didn’t get the chance.
He kept looking for it though. When eating slowed, he was one of the first to leave the table to set up video games in the living room. That felt like it brought a little of her spirit too; she’d be right there with him after a big meal, shoving him to try and throw him off his game if he pulled ahead of her.
Damnit, he really needed to stop thinking about her. It was pathetic at this point. Creepy. Why did he feel so much worse about it this week than he had before? He thought the rejection was supposed to get better over time but it seemed to be getting worse and he didn’t get it.
He didn’t feel like playing video games anymore. No one here could beat him anyways, though Taehyung came close. He left others to it and went in search of another group to bunker down with and found Namjoon and Yoongi back at the record player.
“What’s up, buddy, how you doing?” Namjoon asked him when he drew close.
“Damn, am I that tragic?” he laughed, because even the way Namjoon held his hand out to beckon him closer seemed sad.
“Huh?” At least he seemed genuinely confused, face pinched in confusion before he just gestured, “Come on, dig through, what should we put on next?”
“Hey, Namjoon? Where is the, uh, vacuum cleaner?” Jimin asked, leaning into the doorway. They hadn’t heard anything spill or fall, but could see through to the kitchen where In’am and Raquel both looked nervously down on something while Anita was unwinding paper towels.
“What now…” Namjoon grumbled and pushed up to go see what it was. Jungkook craned his neck to see if he ought to go help, but Namjoon hadn’t asked him to, so he stayed put. He’d been relieved to learn that Namjoon wasn’t actually anal about cleaning after all except during a party, so he suspected Namjoon just got nervous people were going to ruin or break something important, which he could understand. Or expensive. Houses were expensive! So he got it. Especially now that he lived here and would need to help fix whatever it was.
“Did you pick this one out?” Yoongi asked, showing an album –that in fact Jungkook had picked out: Florence and the Machine.
“Yeah, why?”
“Figures,” Yoongi laughed.
“What does that mean? Real men know she’s great.”
“Yeah, I know. Great songwriting,” Yoongi agreed. “Just not what Namjoon has been in to lately.” Jungkook wondered suddenly if Yoongi knew Alex liked them. Was that why he’d asked about that album? It made him think of Alex.
“Hey, did you just stop hanging out with most of us because of breaking up with Alex?” Jungkook asked because apparently his filter wasn’t working today.
“Uh. Yeah, in the beginning. Who wants to hang out with the girl who dumped them and her friends? But I had other friends anyway so it wasn’t a big deal. I still stayed tight with Jimin and Namjoon and it’s no hard feelings now.”
“I know but you never came to the guy stuff she wouldn’t have been at. You could have gone to shows or whatever with us even if– Wait, what did you say?” Jungkook belatedly caught. The girl who dumped them…
But Yoongi was shaking his head, “Yeah well I didn’t want to be around you either.”
“Uh…” The inside of Jungkook’s brain ground to a halt. He made a face that apparently amused Yoongi.
“Yeah, it was weird watching nothing happen from a distance.”
“Wait, uh…” Too many questions.
“Yeah?”
“She dumped you?!” The inside of Jungkook’s mind was blindingly bright right now at this revelation.
Yoongi grinned, “I know, I’m a catch. Raquel thinks so at least.”
“No but I thought– she was so upset. I thought you dumped her.”
“Did she say that? Because that is definitely not what happened.”
“Uh… I don’t remember… but I thought– she definitely made it seem like that. She definitely didn’t tell me she’s the one who ended it. So then why was she always so cagey? When we saw you at Jimin’s engagement party– before that she…” He was trying to connect the dots in his head but it wasn’t working yet. “And what do you mean you didn’t want to be around me? I mean, yeah, I thought you dumped her so I probably would have been a shit–”
“Yeah you were a shit to me,” Yoongi snickered. “Makes more sense now to hear you thought I dumped her. At the time it was like what the fuck, why are you being shitty to me? It should be the other way!”
“Why would it be the other way?!”
“Yeah cause you’re the guy she dumped me for? And then she didn’t even start dating you,” Yoongi snorted and shook his head, looking like this was something he had long ago made peace with but still felt a shadow of annoyance about.
But he’d just flipped the table on Jungkook. How could this be true? Had Alex said the words ‘Yoongi dumped me’ or had he gotten it all wrong? He couldn’t remember! But she’d acted so upset… like when you got dumped, not when you did the dumping.
“That’s not true,” he assured Yoongi. “She didn’t dump you for–”
Yoongi clearly thought this was funny and mused, “Damn, you guys really never– Jimin and Namjoon would tell me about it but it’s been amusing to see. Kinda sad I guess. I mean I am happy with Raquel and in the long run it was better, I met a great woman, so I say this without any malice: you’re both kinda stupid, right?”
“We were just friends. And sure now it’s all gone to shit but…we were definitely only friends then. If she dumped you, it didn’t have anything to do with me.”
“She told me ‘I’m really sorry you are great but I am in love with someone else.’ So…” Yoongi gave him a look, then laughed and went back to trading the vinyl on the record player.
“What? No. She… she meant someone else? She wasn’t in love with anyone. Probably she was just lying to try and make it easier. She was crazy about you. And really nervous so probably she just said that because she was too chickenshit to break up with you… but why would she break up with you?”
Yoongi snorted through his nose and suggested, “When women tell me something, I tend to believe them, especially when I kind of already knew so I wasn’t really surprised.”
“I don’t think it was true though. I think she was just making it up and now she’s happy with her new boyfriend and… ah,” he sighed, no point in skirting around it. “I confessed to her but she stayed with her boyfriend. So you see? She didn’t love me.”
“Ah. Well, now you know, if she dumps him it’ll be the second time she dumped a guy for you.”
Jungkook was dumbfounded. Yoongi just seemed so sure about this and Jungkook couldn’t honestly remember if Alex had ever said Yoongi dumped her. But she’d been so upset! But…
Ugh, he just wanted to ask Alex. Not that it mattered but… but if she’d dumped her boyfriend for him… No, that couldn’t be right! She never said anything to Jungkook about being in love with him –always the opposite, she was always offended when people suggested it! And he just kept fucking whoever he liked– but he would have stopped if she had given him any indication she was into him! She hadn’t! He couldn’t read her mind! If she had wanted to start something with him, if she had just said that, it would have changed everything. Maybe he didn’t realize until a few months ago how much he loved her but if at any point Alex had seemed into him, he would have embraced that way earlier rather than just boxing it up as a not gonna happen and shoving it to the back of the closet.
Jungkook sat there as the new album played and just sank into the shock that once again, he may have been so wrong. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Alex! And now, when he felt most separate from her, he realized he may never have known her as completely as he had thought. He’d set her apart as not a conquest, not an option, and in doing so, made up his own truths about a whole part of her life.
And maybe really, really hurt her in the process.
Yoongi hadn’t hurt her. Hoseok wasn’t hurting her. Had he done it? Could it be true? Why hadn’t they dated if she broke up with Yoongi for him… had she said something he missed? She must have thought there was hope if she’d dumped her boyfriend! No, it made way more sense that she just did the Alex thing of lying when put on the spot. She’d told him her dog died when she and Yoongi broke up, after all, so there had definitely been a lot of lies flying around at that point.
But which was the lie: had she loved him or not?
He just wanted to ask her about it and finally hear her truth about everything. But he couldn’t. She was off meeting her boyfriend’s family. What was he going to say about any of it now anyway? Sorry I didn’t notice you were in love with me. But she’d said she wasn’t so. Many. times! Was it really so wrong he’d believed her?! He’d been so nice comforting her after Yoongi dumped her, except apparently he was comforting her after she dumped her boyfriend? And never once while she was falling asleep on his chest watching a movie had she said–
That was just a normal friend thing though. Right? Snuggling didn’t mean you were in love. Jungkook would gladly snuggle any of his friends. Alex just happened to be snugglier than the rest. The tits helped.
Damn, he wished Alex was here to help him make sense of things. He wished Alex was here because she’d enjoy this low-key Thanksgiving party. He wished Alex was here because life was just better with her close. He wished Alex was here and if she was, he’d make sure to listen better this time, even to the things she didn’t say.
He sighed deeply and, to vent his feelings, tried to joke, “Well, it doesn’t matter now anyway. Too late. You should have told me, picked a fight or something.”
“Is it too late?”
“Yeah, I tried.”
“Maybe you just need to suffer for a little bit,” Yoongi suggested. “She clearly thought it was too late if she got a new boyfriend and then you came around, huh? I don’t know. Not my concern anymore but that’s funny she didn’t even tell you she dumped me. I really resented you, you know! Alex was a sweet girlfriend.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” Jungkook said, and resisted appending all the other things he would typically call her. Turtle, slug bug, shrimpy, skrunkle baby, Pop Tart, bed bug, gremlin, Snarflepuss when she was grumpy. Those were too intimate to be shared now.
“Well. I wish you luck. What do you think about this one? Namjoon said you’ve got good music taste, let’s see what else we have in common.”
Alex’s legs ached. She’d collapsed on the bed backwards about twenty minutes ago and not yet found the motivation to move again. The mattress was cheap and the comforter was scratchy as shit. She kept throwing it on the ground after too many horror stories about how they never got washed but housekeeping kept putting it back on. She had no interest in warring with housekeeping, though it was a nice personal touch to her stay, evidence of life when otherwise this was the loneliest four days of her life.
But also not quite the worst! Well, right up there. But in some ways not so bad. Maybe not as bad as she deserved…
Her phone lit up and it happened to be within reach so she grabbed it to look.
[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: you are breaking mama and baba’s hearts
[Alex meimei]: fuck off
She didn’t know what her sister had meant by that but was not in the mood for any more guilt piled onto her chest.
[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: wow
[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: what’s up with you? Hobi’s family realize what a creature you are too fast?
Alex didn’t answer. She didn’t feel like joking with her sister right now. She needed to decide whether she was going to take a bath in the probably gross hotel tub (who was she kidding, she would) to see if that would help her shins. Was it possible to walk so much you broke your shins? She wanted a foot massage.
Hobi would have given her a foot massage.
Frowny face.
Her phone lit up again.
[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: nothing?
[Jiejie☠️🗡️]: hey everything ok for real?
It was unlike May to be “for real” in text and now Alex wondered what was going on that had made her sister text in the first place.
She didn’t have to wait long because her phone lit up with an actual call. And while she didn’t have to or want to answer it, she still did.
“Yeah what?” she grumbled, realizing she sounded way grumpier than she actually felt.
“What’s going on with you? How’s it going?”
“Fine. Why are you calling me? Nothing happened at home did it?”
“No. Thanksgiving happened, I don’t know. Mama and Baba worked their asses off and it was nice, I guess.”
“Hm,” Alex said, staring at the ceiling. “Did you bring your boyfriend home?”
“No.”
“Mama was hoping you would so maybe you’re the one who broke their hearts, not me.”
“You broke their hearts because you aren’t sending pictures,” May countered. “They think you’ve replaced them.”
“Well I haven’t.”
The call went silent for a minute and Alex wondered again why she had answered. She was desperate for contact, that was it.
“Hey so… you can say it’s stupid but I just got a big sister gut feeling something was up. Are you really ok? There’s nothing going on?”
Alex froze. The shock of this kindness and concern from May was almost as stunning as how deeply Alex felt it in her heart.
“Oh.”
“Oh? What does that mean?” May asked.
“I just…” She sat up and looked out the window, but it was just lights dotting dark buildings and her own room reflected back to her. The room was spartan but the cheapest she could find that still gave her a private bath. “No,” she admitted. “Things haven’t been ok. I did something really stupid.”
“Uh oh,” May said but did not sound surprised, Alex thought.
“Nevermind–”
“No, just tell me. What did you do?”
“You can keep a secret?”
“Yeah.”
Alex didn’t know why she was telling May this. She and May had an antagonistic relationship at best. They didn’t share secrets. Once they had been closer, and they weren’t exactly enemies now, but May was kind of a bully so Alex bullied her back, and they didn’t really do the heart to hearts or anything. So what made her do it now?
“I’m actually in a hotel,” she said.
“Oh shit, what did you–”
“I broke up with Hobi.”
Dead silence on the line.
Then, “Uh… why? What? When? But…”
“I know…” Alex sighed deeply.
“What did he do?” May’s voice sounded actually a little fierce.
“Nothing,” Alex admitted. “Absolutely nothing. Continued to be the wonderful guy he has always been. And I dumped him in the airport as soon as we landed while his parents were waiting to get us in baggage claim. Isn’t that fucked up?”
“This is… I’m so confused…. Unless…”
“I was going to just fly home– isn’t that so stupid? Like I flew all the way here and then broke up with him. But changing my flight was going to be crazy expensive so I got a cheap hotel room and I’ve just been wandering San Francisco–”
“Oh my god!”
“Yeah.”
“That’s… is that… are you having fun?”
“A little bit,” Alex laughed. “It’s a cool city! I saw the bridge and I went on a ferry tour and today I went to the zoo just by myself. I spent Thanksgiving Day in Chinatown and it was pretty cool. I’m so fucking tired though, I’ve never walked this much in my life.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“So you just… dumped him.”
Alex still felt the twinge of it in her chest, “Yeah.”
“How’s that feeling?”
“Really stupid,” Alex laughed. “Who does that? Who dumps someone like Hobi? Only a fucking idiot.”
“Yeah, that sounds like you.”
“May!”
May started laughing, “Fuck, I can’t believe this. You really flew all the way there and then what, he chewed too loudly on the plane or something? You were like no I can’t stand this shit a moment longer–”
“No!”
“I can’t even make it through this week for this guy to save face in front of his family–”
“I would have been just lying to everyone,” Alex argued.
“You are fucking insane,” May cackled. “You couldn’t figure that out before you got on the fucking plane?! What the fuck is it with you two?”
“Nothing anymore, we broke up.”
“Not you and Hobi, you and fucking Jungkook.”
“What– what does he have to do with anything?”
May’s noise grumble made Alex feel uncomfortably exposed.
“Isn’t he why you dumped Hobi? God I can’t believe that is a true sentence I just said–”
“He’s– no, I– what are you talking about? What do you know about anything?”
“I know so much. Way more than you.”
Alex’s stomach flipped. What did that mean?! But she hated her sister lording things over her; she didn’t want to beg for information.
“I’m not in the mood for your bullshit,” Alex sighed. “So whatever, have fun, I’m going to go soak–”
“I know you moved out because he told you he loved you,” May rushed out.
“Yeah well apparently he’s been blabbing that around.”
“So? Is that why you dumped this perfect man?”
“I didn’t say that. I just– the relationship had run its course.”
“Have you talked to Jungkook?”
“No, of course not. Why would I?”
“Have you talked to anyone? Or have you just been sulking alone in a hotel room–”
“I’m not sulking! I told you all the things I’ve been doing! Actually this is the least sulking I’ve ever done about anything! I deserved to just hole up in the hotel room and binge junk food and watch TV but I didn’t do that, I went out and tried to enjoy the city I’m spending like a thousand dollars– oh god this trip is so expensive,” Alex groaned. “Over a thousand dollars to be alone for Thanksgiving.”
“So you dumped Hobi for Jungkook but you didn’t immediately call him–”
“I didn’t say I dumped him for Jungkook!” Alex cried.
“Ok ok. Are you going to call him though? Can I tell him? He’s going to freak out–”
“No,” Alex said bluntly. “Don’t tell him any of my business. Don’t talk to any of my friends or tell mom and dad. Just… I’m just still trying to figure it out myself.”
The silence that followed lasted long enough Alex figured May had gotten bored that she wouldn’t rise to her taunts. But eventually May said instead,
“Fine. You don’t have to tell me anything and I won’t tell anyone either.”
“Thank you.”
“But I’m just saying… he’s really going through it. So if you did break up with Hobi to date Jungkook, I would really appreciate it as your sister if I could be there to see his face when you tell him–”
“Stop stop!” Alex cried. Because it was too much for her heart. She had intentionally not gone right to a hotel to call Jungkook. She didn’t want to talk to him at all right now. Because she actually wasn’t sure she was ready to just go jump right into Jungkook’s arms –as romantic and silly and giddy and terrifying as that sounded.
Would he be happy? Would he be really happy if she called Jungkook and told him she wanted to see him as soon as she landed, that she’d broken up with Hobi, that she wanted to be with him? The idea he would be happy about that felt like a fever dream. Impossible. What if he was upset she’d called his bluff? What if he’d already moved on? What if they tried and her fears that this was the wrong path came true? What if despite their intentions they couldn’t get past the hurdle of friendship and he really couldn’t feel romantic or sexual towards her–
“Apparently he was moping around so hard at home that your friends threw a–”
“I don’t want to know!”
“Ok… geez.”
“How do you even know what’s going on with my friends? Bug off!”
May sighed, “Alex I’m just trying to help you.”
“Since when?”
“Since I’m your older sister and it brings me great joy to–”
“Thwart me.”
“No no, only sometimes.”
“All the time.”
“Believe it or not, I do actually want you to be happy,” May insisted. “And, personally, I like Jungkook as a brother in law better than Hoseok.”
“What! Why– why would you say that? Don’t say that…”
“You were only ever trailing after Hoseok. Jungkook is right down in the trashcan with you. I think that’s sweet.”
Alex sighed noisily.
“I think you know I’m right.”
“I wasn’t choosing between two guys,” Alex corrected. “I didn’t dump Hobi for Jungkook. I just couldn’t meet his family and stay in a relationship with someone when I wasn’t all in anymore. That’s not fair.”
“Yoongi all over.”
“Shut up,” Alex scowled. Damn did she regret ever telling her sister about that. The teasing had gone too far and she’d vowed never to tell May anything ever again and yet here she was telling her things. “I don’t… I don’t even know if I trust the things Jungkook said. It just seems too sudden. So I broke up with Hoseok for me and I’m here in San Francisco enjoying some me time–”
“Sudden? You think Jungkook’s feelings are sudden? God, you two are perfect for each other, you’re both so stupid.”
“May! You’re such a bitch!”
“Yeah better than being so fucking stupid! Do you have any idea how nauseating it was watching him crumble to bits when you got a boyfriend? He’s clearly been in love with you for years without doing anything about it and you were in love with him for years too, obviously.”
“Why obviously?! Everyone just always assumes I’m in love with him just because he’s hot–”
“No, because you two are always touching and teasing each other and ganging up on me. You act like a little stupid love unit– and if you say you were just friends I’m going to reach through the phone and strangle you. Nothing you guys did was what normal friends do. That’s just not what friends are like, Alex. Like, it’s not normal. It’s been disgusting to watch–”
“You’re exaggerating. He wasn’t in any way in love with me until I suddenly had a boyfriend–”
“Alex, he’s stupid.”
“Don’t be mean. He’s not.”
“I’m sorry but you love a stupid man and you have to accept the consequences of that, like him not realizing his own feelings until too late.”
“Uh huh. And all the women he fucked while he was supposedly heartbroken–”
“You mean since he had his epiphany? None. At least I don’t think so–”
“Rebekah told me about Anita. I guess he’s, like, dating or–”
“Oh my god. Please. Please be the smarter one,” May begged. “He’s not dating Anita.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know. Nothing else. But hey if you don’t want him or you want time to yourself– do that too, that’s ok. You don’t have to rush into anything.” The shift in her tone was suspicious; she couldn’t see Alex’s narrowed eyes but maybe she felt it through the line. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m pushing you to run to Jungkook.”
“I think I just need some time.” Alex admitted. “I mean…” She trailed off in thought and for once May didn’t stomp into the silence. “It sucks. Breaking up with Hobi sucks. It hurts even though I’m feeling more like it was the right choice. Maybe. But when I get home and we have to like trade stuff back and tell people at work and stuff– I think it’s going to hurt all over again. I have to face him again. Maybe I ruined his Thanksgiving. Maybe he’ll hate me… it just sucks. I broke up with Hobi because it’s not fair to be with one person when I’m so… anchored to another one. But that’s true the other way too. It doesn’t feel real yet. I don’t want to call Jungkook and say something stupid, do something too stupid and fast and still be all wrapped up in this.”
“I get it,” May said. Gently. Gently. Who was this on the phone and could they permanently body-snatch May? Did she have to get her real sister back?
“If… if I do talk to Jungkook and decide to um… see if he still wants to try that… I can’t even say it,” Alex laughed at herself. “I just feel like it needs to be new and fresh and not messy with this. So I think I’m just going to take some time right now and see… see what feels right to do…”
A beat of silence was followed by May, “That’s really mature, Alex. I’m surprised.” She didn’t even say it meanly, even if the words were a little mean.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“I mean it. You’ve grown up a lot. And for what it’s worth, I think Jungkook has too. I think you’re smart to want to be clean and clear. And hey, no matter what happens, whether you stay on your own or try with Jungkook or that doesn’t work out or whatever…”
“...Yes?” Alex prodded. “Is this where you’re going to say something really nice and sisterly and unlike you?”
“You’ll always be an idiot to me anyway, so don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah, thanks so much May,” she laughed but that felt kinda good too. She felt love in what her sister said. “I guess your boyfriend isn’t an idiot, huh?”
May got really stuffy as she insisted, “Oh, I’m dating the smartest person you can possibly think of. No competition. Don’t worry–”
“Can’t be too smart if he’s dating you.”
“I am a great girlfriend!”
“Are you though?”
“Yeah. I can give you some pointers–”
“UH, did you miss where I had two guys fighting over me?”
“Allegedly,” May quickly corrected. “You don’t believe Jungkook, you said.”
“I’ll believe him if it means holding it over your head.”
“Whatever, two boys? You can keep ‘em.”
“Yeah? You sure you aren’t a little in love with Jungkook yourself? You seemed awful quick to push me towards him–”
“I just think he’s a good guy,” May interrupted. “Never tell him I said that. And I think you’re ok too. And also Edgar and I made a bet years ago–”
“What?!?”
“Yeah our brother is an idiot too but just to be clear, I get $500 if you and Jungkook start dating so I do have an ulterior motive here.”
“May,” Alex gasped. “You… you were willing to put odds in my favor that Jungkook would date me?”
“Jungkook didn’t make me hesitate, it was always obvious you’re the only love in his eyes. I figured you were the one who’d have to decide. And you’re proving me right! I know all things and feel really good about myself now.” Everything May was saying was like pouring sugar and honey down her throat. She shivered at the intoxication of it. It couldn’t be true but it felt so scandalous to imagine.
Alex sighed, “Well glad one of us does, I don’t know shit.”
“Hey.” Alex braced herself for whatever was coming next. “When you get home, let’s spend some time together. Maybe I’ll tell you some secrets too.”
“Ooooooh? Like what?”
“You’ve gotta come home to find out.”
“You think I’m just going to stay here? I can’t afford this place! We can hang out but you’ve gotta pay for me, San Francisco is expensive as shit.”
“Yeah whatever we’ll see. Just enjoy the rest of your solo trip. Get a massage or something.”
“I fly home tomorrow.”
“Fine, don’t get a massage! Just take care of yourself.”
“Thanks May. Oddly nice of you.”
“I know, I’m feeling generous. Now I gotta go, bye.” She promptly hung up. But Alex was left with a warm and fuzzy feeling that things were going to turn out all right. Her sister’s unusual kindness meant a lot to hear. Learning that May thought Jungkook was the one who would fall for her first, that meant a lot to her.
Alex stretched out on the bed and closed her eyes –just for a minute!-- and decided she was doing the right thing. She could take her time. She didn’t have to decide anything now. When she got home, she’d deal with the fallout of her breakup, and decide whether she wanted to jump right in with Jungkook or ease back into friendship or what. She’d figure it out. She’d survived so many painful parts by now, surely the next part could be easier?
For right now, it was kind of cool to be a girl on an adventure by herself. She pushed up from the bed and grabbed her shoes and decided to go out just for a little bit longer and enjoy herself. Maybe she was in the eye of the hurricane right now, but at least she was her own best company.
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below
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“We should be swing dancing to this,” Jungkook said low near Alex’s ear, his thumb pressing in to reduce the noise so she could hear his voice through the music.
She did not return the trick, just laughed as she pushed him away and shouted, “You don’t fucking know how to swing dance!” He scowled, frustrated he couldn’t grab her hand and push and pull her away to somehow prove he was in fact a swing master. He wasn’t; he knew the same three steps she did, which they’d exhausted at school dances when they were younger. She was the perfect height for spinning because he didn’t elbow her in the face like he did with every other girl he tried it with. He always ruined it by pretending he was going to lift and toss her and then she’d screech and grab onto his arm like a cat you were trying to put in a bathtub.
“Son of a bitch!” they shouted along with the music. “Get me a drink!” They didn’t know this opener band, Nathaniel Rateliffe and the Night Sweats, but the hook was easy to pick up, and the music had that upbeat dancy feel that got the job done at getting the audience pepped for the headliner. The next song was slower but Jungkook still felt his heart locked in, swaying his shoulders, bumping into Alex on one side and Jimin on the other. He didn’t even know this band and yet the guitar riffs and steady bass had the effect live music always did, making it feel like the world shrank away to him right here, right now, inside himself. Alex there with him.
And Hoseok on her other side, his hand tucked into hers. And their friends and Alex’s sister having their own feelings further down the row –but they were out of sight, out of mind for the time being, partly thanks to the assigned seating that created some order to the energy, all of them in their spaces like ducks in a row. Even Jimin faded in and out, sometimes bumping against Jungkook’s arm, other times leaning against In’am who looked bemused by the whole show.
Once upon a time they would have been down in the pit, but these days Jungkook wasn’t any more interested in it than Alex and it hadn’t even been considered for the show. Balcony all the way. They’d done their time down there when they were younger, working out a system for survival. For years Jungkook had taken up position behind her at shows, chest to back, arms poised to ward off any infringing on her space whether it came from the left or right. He threw a mean elbow when someone threatened Alex’s personal space. Sometimes it was a little fun when someone got pushy and he got to push him back; they’d glare at him as if he was the threatening one and then Alex would go off on them about being such an invasive asshole. Jungkook didn’t love having people crushed on him either, but Alex could literally get crushed! He’d liked the energy of the pit in high school but he was grown now, mature. It was cool to be able to sit whenever you felt like it even if he’d never do it while a band was playing, out of respect if nothing else.
Besides, even if they’d been in the pit, it wouldn’t have been Jungkook’s job anymore. Hoseok would have been her guard. Jungkook wondered how he would have done at it. He was too polite! Jungkook was an asshole, the perfect guard. But Hoseok would probably do his best, and maybe he had secret reserves to pull out… or something. Probably in some more mature way than throwing elbows or flexing his jaw threateningly. He’d like, befriend people or something, throw his arm around them and the whole pit would just sway together.
Hoseok had bent down to whisper something into Alex’s ear, so Jungkook leaned the other way to see what everyone else was doing. Their friends seemed mixed on the opener. Jimin and In’am were standing, nodding along, calmly listening like they were making a study of the audience. Rebekah looked into it. Namjoon did not, face reflecting the light of his phone. Minxi, on the other side of Rebekah, was hard to tell, but she seemed to be humoring whatever May was saying beside her. May had invited herself along but since she’d been the one to tell Alex about the concert in the first place, they hadn’t felt like she could say no –Alex had told Jungkook all about it when they’d been buying the tickets, back before May and Hoseok had even met. Jungkook didn’t really care either way but Alex had been pissed it meant introducing Hoseok before she wanted to, and Jungkook felt a little smug about the fact she had any hesitation whatsoever. Jungkook was desperate to know what May thought, but knew he was unlikely to get a serious answer.
Besides, what opinion could she formulate from the opposite end of the row? Jungkook was only two people down and not sure he’d be able to pull off his own secret operation: prove to Hoseok he was non-threatening. He’d even considered sitting on the other side of Hoseok for the show but couldn’t bring himself to do it. At a concert, Alex was who he wanted to be standing and dancing and singing along next to.
Shit. Did that mean he’d already failed? How was he supposed to convince Hoseok he wasn’t any threat to their relationship when he wanted nothing more than to take Alex all for himself? When secretly, deep down, he was hoping they’d hurry up and break up already, even if it hurt her in the short term…
But he wouldn’t be the one who caused it, he was certain of that. That was why he wasn’t a threat, because he wasn’t willing to risk losing what he still had of her on the slim chance she reciprocated his feelings –but not enough to break up with her boyfriend. Like, that sucked. He’d still take that, being her second choice, but he didn’t think he even had a shot at that. It was clear she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he hadn’t realized his feelings until too late, but Alex had only started dating Hoseok a few months ago, if she’d harbored anything for Jungkook, he would have known, and probably it would have helped him realize his own feelings sooner. She hadn’t. So all he could accomplish by trying to come between them would be Alex hating him. That was the worst result; they’d both be hurting. At least this way…
At least this way, Alex was happy because she had her best friend and her boyfriend on either side of her as she sang her heart out –endearingly badly but Jungkook loved that about her– to the bands playing. At least this way, only he was hurting. And not that bad, right? Nothing was really different right now except that he had to overthink everything he did with her to make sure it wasn’t something that was going to threaten her apparently easily-threatened boyfriend. The only thing that sucked was that he had to watch someone else get to do all the things he wanted to do with her.
Like last time they went to a concert, he had thrown his arm around her shoulder and they’d sung together. Hoseok did that this time, though he wasn’t singing, just swaying and smiling because Alex was so into it. He didn’t seem as quick to figure out the lyrics as Jungkook and Alex were, and he wasn’t familiar with the headliner band which was kind of a shame, that he hadn’t studied up, but at least he’d come to support Alex. That was… nice. But like who the fuck didn’t know Kings of Leon!?
This was the new normal. And Jungkook needed to prove he could be cool about the new normal. He had to lock himself into the new normal because it’s not like the old normal would work anymore anyway. Maybe, he considered, this was actually better that if Alex wasn’t going to hold his wrist while he was the one with his arm draped around her shoulder and his nose stuck into her hair (ok, maybe Hoseok gave her a kiss? Jungkook used to do that just to smell her shampoo), she at least was happy doing that with someone else. Maybe this was actually better than if Alex let Jungkook do those things but they meant nothing to her even in the absence of someone else doing them for her. It would be pathetic for him to secretly pine for his best friend who didn’t have any interest in him like that. He’d never do that! He wouldn’t do that now. He had to work on getting over it, and her having a boyfriend who kissed her nose before he went to piss was a good tool to help him get over whatever his silly little stupid love feelings were for her.
Or at least it would be.
Someday.
Eventually he’d figure out how to see her smile after a nose kiss and not feel a grumble in his chest because obviously he would just chomp her whole nose to make her wrinkle it up and hit him in the stomach and then he’d steal a real kiss while he was hunched over coughing for breath and then maybe she’d feel bad and caress his face–
Ah. No she wouldn’t. The problem with fantasizing about your best friend when she didn’t want you that way was that it ran the risk of breaking your heart. And Jungkook was not into that idea. No heartbreak here! Yeah, it sucked he was in love with Alex and it wasn’t returned, and he had realized it too late to even try and convince her to give it a try. But… it’s not like he would have done that anyway. He fucked, he didn’t feel. Usually relationships didn’t work out and he’d seen enough of his friends go through heartbreak to know he wasn’t interested in it. And it would have the added risk of losing him his best friend? Nah, man, keep it.
Honestly, he thought he was being incredibly mature about the whole thing. Yes, he was watching to make sure Hoseok deserved her and as soon as he saw proof that the guy didn’t, he’d be quick to do… something. Not sure what, and for now it didn’t seem to matter because Hoseok just continued to seem mostly annoyingly awesome. And Alex continued to seem mostly annoyingly happy. And the most annoying thing was that Jungkook was being conservative with that “mostly.”
Alex was happy. And he loved her enough to be glad she was happy. Especially when there was zero indication she wanted him to be the one to make her even happier. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe this was the only thing he could do to contribute to her happiness. Just stay the fuck out of the way.
Fuck. He was glad the opener started a feeler-song at the right moment to distract him from that path of dark wallowy thoughts he refused to look at. Wallowy wasn’t hot. Pussy game was definitely going to take a hit if he seemed like he was pining for some girl– wait, but would chicks find it endearing? Could it get him more pussy?
He felt kind of numb to the idea though. He didn’t want pussy right now, shockingly. He wanted to close his eyes and smile at the swell of music. And since he couldn’t take Alex’s hand, he reached out and ruffled her hair instead.
She, predictably, punched him on the arm, and laughed, “It’s so good!” Energy matching his. Of course it did. Because they matched!
Hoseok reached out to fix the strands of her hair that Jungkook had mussed.
Was he crazy to feel like there was something intentional to that? Hoseok had seemed casual when they’d arrived, polite, but Jungkook felt watched. Shouldn’t he at least trust Alex that things were fine, even if he didn’t trust Jungkook?
Jungkook wanted to ask Jimin if he got that feeling too, but worried that would mean explaining the whole incident to him. He had told no one. He didn’t want to ask Alex either in case it upset her. So instead, when the opener stopped and they had the awkward amount of time to hang, Jungkook reached over Alex’s head and asked nudged Hoseok to ask,
“Hey, wanna go get some beers?”
“We should go pee before Kings start,” Alex suggested, completely ruining his plan. He should have known though, that pea-sized bladder of hers. He’d had to whisper-catch her up in movies how many times when she couldn’t hold it any longer and had to waddle-run to piss? Sometimes he jokingly did it at concerts too, just long enough to annoy her as he sang the wrong song over the one currently being played to catch her up on the songs she’d missed.
“Are you going to the restroom?” In’am asked, leaning around Jimin and Jungkook both. Further down the line, Jungkook could hear this echoed like birds on a telephone wire.
So they all went. The whole fucking line of their friends, kindergartners on a fieldtrip to the restrooms, weaving through the crowds of people doing the same. Sometimes at shows, depending who they were seeing, the women’s bathroom had a much shorter line and Alex was almost through the snack line by the time Jungkook finished up and went to find her, but this time the audience was pretty even and Jungkook was through the bathroom in a breeze.
Hoseok conveniently beside him.
Before anyone else could join them, Jungkook elbowed him, “Hey, let’s get some beers before we head back. We won’t want to leave again once the band starts.”
Hoseok looked confused but followed Jungkook away from the restrooms, only mentioning once they were in line, “Alex said she didn’t want a drink.”
“What, telepathically?” Jungkook laughed.
“No, before we came here. She doesn’t want to have to leave the show for a bio-break.”
Bio-break. Jungkook briefly saw red. Bio break. Fuck, what a corporate goon– and the insinuation that Jungkook didn’t know all about her biological need! He’d been going to shows with her since Hoseok was in business school or whatever impressive thing he’d done for college.
“Yeah, bladder the size of a pea, amiright?” Jungkook laughed. He didn’t like the way Hoseok’s brow furrowed and his head tilted so he instinctively hunched his shoulders and lifted his hands to shadowbox the moment into a more playful one but just as quickly realized that if things were already awkward he might as well cut to the chase.
“Hey–” He began just as the crowds behind Hoseok jostled him right into Jungkook. He stepped fully on Jungkook’s Docs, the very ones he’d found thrifting with Alex when they were hunting for things for their apartment. They weren’t the Prada ones he’d had his eye on for years but you couldn’t go wrong with Docs. These things would outlive everything, even Hoseok stomping on them.
“Ah, sorry sorry,” Hoseok said, looking flustered as he righted himself. “It’s so crowded!”
“You don’t go to shows often?”
“Ah, no, not really… the last one I went to was Lady Gaga.”
Jungkook just nodded and refrained from commenting. Not that there was anything wrong with liking Lady Gaga! Would Alex have fun at a Lady Gaga show? Probably, as long as there were seats and she didn’t get crushed. Lady Gaga was fine. He could go to a Lady Gaga show with Alex if she really wanted to–
Off track. The line shuffled forward and Jungkook saw the heads of their friends in the distance, so it was now or never.
“Hey, just want to level with you,” he rushed out, leaning close so as not to attract eavesdroppers around them in line. “I already worked it out with Alex but I know she told you about uh, the stupid thing I did while I was drunk.” Hoseok’s eyebrows lifted. Jungkook didn’t know what that meant but it annoyed him anyway. Quickly he added, “It was a mistake, it’s never happened before, it won’t happen again. Don’t want you to think I’m trying to steal her away or anything.”
“Ah, I see.” Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded.
“Yeah. So… yeah, that’s all. You don’t need to worry about me. I get plenty of tail, Alex isn’t like that.”
Hoseok looked up like he was trying to make sense of the very normal thing Jungkook had said. That annoyed him too. But he swallowed that down and smiled and clapped Hoseok on the shoulder.
“OK? Cool. Sorry I kissed your girlfriend, man.” He grinned, even laughed as he said it, to seem casual. “Congrats on that, though!” Damn it was getting hot in this crowd of bodies. A cold beer was sounding really good now.
“On… Alex’s kissing technique?”
Jungkook swiped the hair back beneath his bucket hat and shrugged, “Yeah or whatever, on dating her. I meant it like good for you, not for me, you know? Things don’t need to be awkward between us because I’m not competition. She’s basically my sister.”
“I know.” Hoseok smiled as he said it. Jungkook bristled. Wait, was Hoseok a total dick?! The impulse to grab Hoseok’s shoulders and shout actually I know everything about Alex, more than you can ever hope to catch up to; I love her better and more and longer than you are capable of; the only thing that keeps me from being your competition is that I respect her choice, even if I don’t like it was hard to resist. But no, even that monologue wouldn’t satisfy; what it really made him want to do was prove he was steep competition. He wanted to prove he could steal Alex with one hand tied. He wanted to make Hoseok regret saying that.
But this was one challenge Jungkook would not rise to. It’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, he repeated to himself. Alex wasn’t a Ninja blender or a Slushie machine or a fuzzy slingshot monkey he could win with tickets. Alex was a person and his best friend.
Now if Hoseok wanted to turn out to be an asshole and crash and burn on his own and Jungkook could just sweep up the pieces from his moral high ground, he would jump at the opportunity!
But Hoseok might beat him at that game too, because he now clapped Jungkook on the shoulder and insisted, “I’m glad you two worked it out. She said everything is good and she’s a strong woman with her own mind, right? She tells it like it is! I know she’d be sad to lose you as a friend. Ah, here, let me buy your beer.”
“No man you don’t have to do that,” Jungkook insisted as they reached the counter.
“Hey, why didn’t you wait for us?” Jimin called up the line from where he stood near the back.
Jungkook laughed and waved his hand like there was some joke Jimin should understand, hoping to pass it off. Scrambling to think of a cover for why he’d gone off with Hoseok, it confused him at the point of ordering, which meant Hoseok wound up paying for his beer, and a soda for Alex, and a glass of wine for himself.
Jungkook found that an interesting beverage choice for a concert but all right. He didn’t say anything because apparently Hoseok thought Alex had meant she just didn’t want beer, when Jungkook knew she would have meant she didn’t want anything to drink. She was going to end up with a UTI, dehydrating herself like that. But if Hoseok brought her a soda she might feel compelled to drink it and– ah, ok, he might very cleverly be doing a kind boyfriend thing, even if she fussed about having to run to piss at least once during the set.
They headed back, Jungkook swinging by to tease the others about taking too long to piss. It meant he walked alone back to his seat to find Hoseok and Alex already there, talking and laughing with May and Minxi. He hesitated because Minxi was in his seat. He could move to another one but then they’d get permanently stuck in those seats for the show and that was his seat. He wanted to sit by Alex. He’d really worked to engineer that seating arrangement.
So he cleared his throat and grinned at Minxi, “Hey that’s my chair but if you get up for a sec you can sit in my lap. It’s a lot more comfortable.”
“Really?” May snickered. “Your bony lap?”
Jungkook gasped, “Jesus, I don’t have a boner! That’s not what I said!”
“Bo-ny. Bony! I’m talking about boners, gross boy!”
“I was just being nice. May. What the fuck. Indecent. You’re sick.”
Minxi covered her eyes and shook her head, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, JK, I think I’ll just move down…”
“Wow,” Alex teased as he sat in his reclaimed chair. “Haven’t seen you that lacking in game since you were twenty-one? Twenty?” She had somehow procured Nachos at lightning speed.
“I’m not trying to use game on Minxi, I just wanted my seat back.”
“Oh! Right right, no game, just sulky baby.”
“I’ll give you sulky baby with your little baby snack,” he taunted without thinking about it, reaching down to try and pinch the side of her neck. “Need to stand on your chair so you’ll be able to see the band, crispy shrimp?”
She scrunched her shoulders up and teased right back, “Sounds like someone regret choosing beer over Nachos. Get your own, you fucking raccoon.”
“How dare– no, now I am obligated to steal yours.” He reached out to grab one and she twisted and lifted to try and keep them away from him.
Unfortunately, the rough-housing jostled Hoseok’s arm, knocking his red wine all over his shirt and jacket. Alex yelled and tried to somehow stop the liquid by grabbing Hoseok’s arm, but it just sent the rest of the wine splashing across Jungkook’s gray shirt too.
“Oh my fuck,” Alex gasped, looking back and forth between them. “Oh my god I’m so sorry–”
“Yeah, real childish,” Jungkook laughed and tugged her hair. Damn, no way to really get the wine out right now. The lights dimmed and a roar went around the stadium as the band prepared to come out, so Jungkook instantly forgot about it.
But Hoseok was still standing with his arms out, staring down in horror. His shirt was yellow and he had a light denim jacket on for some ungodly reason, both now coated in bright red wine.
“I’m so sorry,” Alex said again. “I’ll replace them– I can pay to replace them. Napkins… hey does anyone have napkins?”
At this rate Alex was going to miss the opening moment. It annoyed Jungkook that Hoseok looked like that. It was just some fucking wine. They were at a concert. You had to dress assuming someone was going to spill something on you.
“I’m uh– I’m going to go see if I can find something to buy and try to rinse this in the sink,” Hoseok said, setting the empty plastic cup down beneath his seat.
Alex grabbed his arm, “Ok, I’ll go with you, I’m so sorry–”
“You’ll miss the band.”
“Ok, you’re sure?”
Alex might not be able to see it from her height but Jungkook could, the flicker across Hoseok’s face. He had expected her to insist on going.
“Hey, anyone got a Tide to go pen or whatever?” Jungkook called down the line. “Alex is getting wild down here!”
In’am was already asking the question too, and a moment later Rebekah passed one down, which Jungkook handed over Alex’s head, as if the little pen would be enough against the sea of red. Mostly Jungkook just wanted Hoseok to hurry up and go because any second now the music was going to start and that first moment was always so good and he didn’t want Alex to miss it.
“I’m so sorry, Hobi–”
“Yeah, I’ll be back…” He gave her a weak-ass smile and hurried away.
Jungkook didn’t mean to look any particular way, but Alex still scolded him, “Don’t look like that! I get it. No one wants to sit around covered in wine for a whole show… it’s going to stain his clothes and he dresses so nicely…”
“Yah, what am I? Chopped liver?” Jungkook demanded, motioning down to his sleeve, side, and chest speckled with large red splotches. Her eyes widened even more and he realized he’d pushed too far. She was genuinely distressed, almost to the point of tears. Did Hoseok make her like that? Had he reacted badly in the past when she’d spilled or dropped something? Messed something of his up? He didn’t have to make such a big deal. Yeah it sucked to get wine on your clothes but obviously Alex felt bad, he didn’t need to make her feel worse than she already would. It was an accident.
He threw his arm around her and squeezed, “Hey, spills happen. With you it happens a lot, has he not learned that yet?”
She punched him right in the gut–
And left behind several smudges of yellow nacho cheese.
“I’m a mess!” she wailed.
“What the fuck is going on over there?” Jimin demanded, peering around; In’am was doing the same, and passed down a packet of wet wipes someone had dug out of their bag. Rebekah again. The only prepared adult among them, apparently.
But the lights went down, the roar went up, an opening chord played and Jungkook grabbed the wet wipes and shoved them into his pocket so he could take her hand with his free one and ordered,
“Who the fuck cares, stop worrying about it. Just close your eyes…it’s starting…” He shouldn’t have had to tell her, that’s always how they started. He’d taught her that. So they could fully, for those opening notes, just take it in and live in the music. That wasn’t an exclusive thing with Alex; he lifted his arm to balance it on Jimin’s shoulder too, who also had his eyes closed, holding In’am’s hand, so maybe he’d passed the importance of that moment along to his fiance as well. Jimin had been to almost as many shows with Jungkook as Alex had and this moment was important and hey, it hadn’t been on purpose or his fault or anything but he was kinda glad Hoseok was gone for just this minute. In five minutes or ten he’d be back wearing a Kings of Leon shirt and hopefully he wouldn’t be a dick about it if it wasn’t his style and he could soak his clothes when he got home and maybe they’d be ok. In five, ten minutes Alex would be Hoseok’s again but for just these few minutes, Alex was his.
That would have to be enough.
And for those couple of minutes, it was.
One more night, one more night will you stay here?
Ooh when you see yourself are you far away?
Is it night or day?
When it comes to you, if you reach the moon,
Can I be there too?
“Pickles?”
“Ok I’m starting to feel like you only like me for my pickle,” Alex called from the kitchen.
“No no, that’s your new nickname,” Rebekah assured her, coming to lend a hand this time with the carrying of the food. Which was good because Alex was definitely about to balance too many plates, cups, and bowls on her arms and probably spill them everywhere. She prematurely cringed about it, even though she hadn’t done it yet, but because now it recalled another instance in which she had spilled shit on or around Hoseok and he’d given her that endeared but also dissatisfied smile and gently scolded her about being more patient and asking for help. AS IF he had somehow already figured out in the scant few months they had dated that those were the things she struggled with. What, was he paying attention to her or something? Ghastly. He should stop that.
“All right, what’s an acceptable thing I can call you back?”
“Rebekah. Bekah if you’re feeling bold.”
Alex snickered and pressed, “I’ve always thought it’s funny how you hate ‘Becky.’”
“Ok Al.”
“But see, that doesn’t bother me. Why would it? I’ve been called so much worse–”
As if cued, the front door swung open just as Rebekah and Alex walked past it, hands full, and Jungkook shouted, “Yo Tony! Help a Broseph out?”
“Tony?” Rebekah repeated, confused.
Alex rolled her eyes and lifted her hands as she passed the front door, “Sorry, Broey, hands are– what the fuck is all that?” She stopped walking and stared as he tackled his way through the door, arms overflowing. “Are those… pillows?!”
“I dunno they were on sale at Target,” he said from somewhere behind the pile of bags in his arms. “Move your ass, slothface, I can’t see around this.”
She had to dive out of the way as he nearly knocked the food out of her hands.
“Why didn’t you take more than one trip?!”
“Uh, because I didn’t need to? I can’t– you really can’t help me? Fucking useless…”
“Hey asshole!”
“I’m kidding, you’re a snack,” he huffed, then swore as he stumbled on his own fucking boots tumbled beside the door and slammed into the wall trying not to drop everything.
“Jesus,” Alex gasped, rushing to set her food down on the laundry basket. They really needed to get a coffee table.
Rebekah beat her to it though and was the one to actually ease two of the bags out of Jungkook’s arms.
“Gee thanks for the late assist– ohhh, Rebekah,” he smiled, voice changing. “Shit, so sorry. Uh, thanks. Sorry, I’d never talk to you like that, you deserve so much better.”
Rebekah had that smile she always reserved for Jungkook as she assured him, “No, it’s fine. What is all this though?” Alex was left without anything to grab as Jungkook and Rebekah dumped everything down on the sofa; Alex dragged the laundry basket away so nothing would get spilled.
“Just some things,” Jungkook said. “You know, Target was having a sale and whatever, end of summer or whatever…”
“Target sale?” Alex asked, face screwed up because Jungkook only ever went to Target for electronics or because she made him. Despite the fact he had a blast every time they did because he always found some stupid thing he was excited about, like his Yoda fleece blanket or the retro Etch-a-sketch he’d left Alex infuratiating messages on by the bathroom for weeks. He had been obnoxiously good at it. “Why were you in Target?”
“Uh, yeah, they had a uh– I needed some new sheets and I was out of deodorant and batteries and uh– and you know you complain when I steal your shampoo. I had a coupon for toothpaste–”
“Jungkook,” Alex warned, because this was exactly what he did when he tried to lie to her. Overexplain without actually explaining, refusing to make eye contact because he knew he’d crumble, breaking off sentences as his little scrambled egg brain tried to find a way to change the subject but failed. He scratched the side of his nose and noisily crinkled one of the bags with his other hand the gig was up.
But Rebekah, dear sweet Rebekah, saved him by pulling FIVE pillows out of two of the bags as she gasped, “Oh, they’re really soft! Are they for your bed?”
The laughter bubbled out of Alex. Jungkook hated pillows. He thought decorative pillows were stupid. He thought bed pillows were an annoying necessity. He kept exactly two, one of which was distressingly flat. He’d told Alex it was the result of fucking so many girls onto it, that their asses wore it down, but he’d had that twinkle in his eye that could also mean he was exaggerating. It might have just been a shitty pillow. She suspected it might be like twenty years old. The other pillow was fine but also the one he let the occasional girl who spent the night use, so Alex usually brought her own when she crashed in his bed.
Not that she did that anymore. The horror of the idea of Hoseok having to ask her not to sleep in her male friend’s bed was enough of a deterrent that she just made that a rule on her own. She’d be jealous if Hobi was sleeping in some girl’s bed, even Amy’s. Too often she woke up all tangled up with Jungkook, sometimes hands up shirts or legs twisted together; Jungkook liked to spoon. She had this mental movie of Hoseok walking in and not believing her explanation that it was innocent. One night after heavy drinking she’d woken up with no pants on, only panties and her shirt up around her tits. Thank fuck she’d been the first awake so Jungkook hadn’t seen that!
Rebekah held up a dusty rose velvet pillow and a white square pillow with a blue octopus stitched into the fabric. A third shaggy white square looked like something dead. The fourth dark blue one had tassels and the words This is home in cursive. The last peeked from the bag: light pink, round, with big pink balls sewn all around the edge.
“That looks like a diseased boob,” Alex blurted out, lifting it. It jostled the bag, revealing two soft velvety blankets inside, the kind you snuggled down with on a couch. If you were like a rich or fashionable person, or had something against Jungkook’s baby Yoda blanket. It looked like him, and Alex couldn’t point it out to him because he wouldn’t get it, but she laughed every time she saw him wrapped up in it.
Jungkook pointed, big dark eyes as wide as could be as he demanded, “You see a boob? Hey, Alex, have you considered you might be… ah, sorry Rebekah. I didn’t buy it because it looks like a…”
“You totally did.” Alex rolled her eyes.
“Uh, I have them too,” Rebekah scoffed. “You can talk about boobs in front of me. I don’t mind! It’s not like I’m some…” Alex and Jungkook waited but now Rebekah looked embarrassed and just pointed at another bag, “What’s in there?”
“Clock.”
“Cock?” Alex gasped, knowing full well that wasn’t what Jungkook had said. She just wanted to see if she could make them both feel more awkward.
“Sorry, was that you trying to sound straight? It’s too late,” Jungkook returned as he lifted a round faced black and white clock, the cheapy ones like you saw in college dorms or elementary school classrooms.
“Why did you buy that– oh, time management for your fucks? You’re stacking them now?”
He rolled his eyes, “No, to hang up in here so we can know what time it is.”
“Phone. I have a phone.”
“If you can’t reach your phone,” he argued. “Or the electricity goes out so the stove and microwave are wrong.”
“Wouldn’t affect our phones…”
“This is a normal thing to have on a wall!” he insisted, suddenly flustered, and turned to lean it against the wall. Alex wondered how long it was going to just sit there before he got rid of it; she couldn’t imagine him hunting down a hammer to hang it.
But then, lo and behold, he pulled out a cheap tool kit and tossed it onto the floor beside the clock.
“Tools,” Alex snorted. “Who are you?”
“I can fix things!”
“We have a tool kit… somewhere…” They did. They used it when they moved in and had to build all their furniture. And then Alex never saw it again.
“I gave that away,” Jungkook waved his hand.
“To… who? Why?”
“This girl– I had to fix something at her place and– it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t go back for it.”
“You fixed something at some girl’s place? What the fuck? Fix something here!”
“I am!” he frowned. “Yeah, I can fix things! I’m not incompetent. Just show me what’s broken and I’ll do it!”
Alex stopped talking, mouth open, confused by his defensiveness outburst. She glanced at Rebekah, whose eyebrows raised as she turned away to set the pillows on the couch. Was he trying to impress Rebekah? Was he annoyed about how he’d look in front of her? That didn’t make sense, but also why did Alex feel compelled to name something broken? She wasn’t sure whether that was to taunt him or soothe him.
“Uh… I don’t think… anything?”
“Yeah,” he said, as if he’d won some argument, as if he was the reason nothing was broken right now. More like because Alex was willing to draw blood with their landlord to get things fixed. “Well we’ve got tools now so let me know.”
“Ok…”
He was being weird. He looked angry as he pulled the blankets out of the bag and threw them onto the couch.
“You bought couch blankets?” Alex asked gently. “...Why?”
“Sale.”
“Ok…. um… anything else good?” she asked, trying to smile and seem casual and push past whatever his sudden grumpy mood was. “Oh… babe,” she realized –and slipped on the petname in her teasing– “was this a comfort shop? Did a pussy appointment cancel on you last minute?”
His face scrunched up into a fist, “No! I told you I needed some things! No one canceled on me.”
“Oh, so you’re going out? Ok great we can crank our movie up. There’s a really raunchy sex scene apparently–”
“You didn’t tell me that!” Rebekah gasped.
“Why, you nervous?” Alex teased.
Rebekah huffed and hugged the shaggy pillow, “No, I just– what kind of movie is this? How raunchy?”
“It’s fine–”
“I’m not going out,” Jungkook said, tugging up one bag tight and slinging it over his shoulder. “I bought snacks.”
“Snacks?”
“Ah, now your eyes perk up…” he mumbled as she looked in another bag.
“These are… you bought new dishes?”
“We have like three cups.”
“We have more than that,” Alex argued.
“Yah, how many are in your room right now?” he teased. “I’m not touching those until you wash them.”
“Only a couple! I clean them out before Hobi comes over…” she admitted with a laugh at her own expense. Actually these days she kept her room cleaner than she ever had in her life. It was exhausting. Hobi did not understand how cozy it was to take a nap on clean laundry scattered across your bed that you were going to fold eventually. Hobi folded his clothes as he took them out of the dryer. A lot of his clothes he hung up to dry. It was impressive and insane.
Rebekah too had returned to the remaining bags. They dug through the snacks Jungkook had indeed bought; clearly he’d gone on a rampage down the snack aisle. Also in the bags were other odds and ends he’d bought during this “sale” –refills for the scent diffuser; a giant wooden cup she wasn’t sure what he meant to use for; a farmhouse decor style pair of wooden wall hangings for the kitchen, one which read “Tasty Kitchen” and the other which just said “Kitchen” but had a giant rooster and chicken on it. A purple vase.
“Why did you buy all this stuff?” Alex asked as he returned. She showed him the kitchen signs, “Is this a joke?”
“Um…” He froze and looked at her like he was almost hurt. Like he was panicking. It was weird. She’d thought for sure he picked these signs as a dirty joke. Cock and hen kitchen? Tasty kitchen, like his cum or something? But she could tell in an instant by his expression that he hadn’t thought of those things at all, that apparently these were sincere purchases. An exploration of his… style? No, that didn’t make sense. Farmhouse chic or Tuscany or whatever this was?! They weren’t his style at all!
“Oh a Brita! Finally!” Rebekah gasped, pulling out the box in the last bag. “I’ll go set it up…” She whisked away to the kitchen and that was the last straw for Alex.
“A Brita? Too good for tap water now, huh?”
Jungkook crossed his arms and drew a deep breath and let it out like he was bracing himself for battle.
And then pointed out, “Your boyfriend doesn’t like the tap water here.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed.
“Yeah? I know that. That’s why I was trying to keep bottled water–”
“Don’t waste money on bottled fucking water,” he rolled his eyes. “I got this so we can just refill it and now he won’t get dehydrated.”
Alex watched his back as he went to dig around the snack bag. He pulled a few things out, then seemed to change his mind and just pulled the whole bag up.
“That’s… thoughtful,” Alex said slowly. “But why waste your money on it? Why did you buy all this stuff for our place?”
“I told you, there was a sale. Now what’s this movie we’re watching? Let me change into something comfier first.” He gave her a charming grin before he set off for the kitchen.
“What do you mean ‘we’?”
But sure enough, once they’d unloaded the snacks and Jungkook made his own dinner and put on sweats, he settled right down on the couch.
Between them.
“So what’s this movie?” he asked around a mouthful of sandwich. It formed a massive ball in his cheek; it made his eyes look especially cartoonish as he glanced between them.
“You’re being weird,” Alex told him.
“Because I want to watch a movie with you?!”
“Yeah, why is that weird?” Rebekah asked. “I thought you two watched movies together all the time.”
“Yeah but…” Alex couldn’t explain it. Jungkook watching a movie wasn’t that weird, sure. But it was a Friday night. And he’d just spent a bunch of his money on stuff he always thought was stupid. And he’d bought a Brita water purifier as a favor to her and her boyfriend?? Major sus!
She glanced at Rebekah, who was also waiting for this grand reveal; there was no way for a moment of privacy, so Alex just lowered her voice to ask Jungkook sincerely, “Are you… ok?”
“No,” he said, face falling. “I’m actually dying, Alex. That’s why I bought decorative pillows, so you’d have something– ow ow! Hey!” He broke off, leaning against Rebekah as Alex punched his arm. “Save me, Becky!” he cried, and pressed his face into Rebekah’s shoulder.
Rebekah laughed and flapped her hand at Alex, completely unbothered apparently that Jungkook had called her Becky, and called, “Ok ok, ceasefire! I think the pillows are nice.”
“He bought five.”
“Should we start the movie?” Rebekah suggested without further comment.
To be honest, it pissed Alex off. She knew Rebekah and Jungkook were joking but, for a brief moment she felt a flash of blinding rage that Rebekah would playfully defend Jungkook against her. That Jungkook would turn to Rebekah. That she was the outsider in this moment rather than the literal connection.
“Aw, Grumple Skrunkle,” Jungkook teased, and pinched Alex’s nose shut to make her sputter. “Yeah, hit it,” he told Rebekah, but then leaned forward himself to push play on the PlayStation controller balanced among their things on the laundry basket. “Oh I found a coffee table on craigslist,” he added, pointing at her, wagging his finger exactly like his mother did. “It needs to be restained but it’s free, I’m picking it up first thing tomorrow but I need your car, your trunk is bigger than mine.” Then he tried to wink as he added, “It’s one of your best assets.” He’d never quite mastered winking though, he always closed the other eye too, but insisted he didn’t do it even when Alex showed him photographic evidence, and insisted she was just racist, at which point she usually tried to choke him or kick the back of his knees.
Instead of commenting on the wink, she got stuck on, “Uh… we don’t know how to restain something.”
“I found a YouTube video, it’s fine.”
“What the fuck…”
“Shhh,” he said, because the opening credits were rolling, as if he was the one who’d been looking forward to this all week. He didn’t even know what movie they were watching until five minutes ago. It was a Friday night! Usually he’d be out fucking things and doing people!
She held off asking again until they’d finished eating, but when Jungkook paused the movie to load all their dishes into the laundry basket and take them to the kitchen, Alex began to wonder. She wasn’t anything unusual here. This was just a normal Friday night for her. But Rebekah wasn’t always here on a Friday night. Was that the difference? Was Jungkook trying to impress Rebekah?!
She grabbed her phone, ready to text Jungkook: remember the rule no fucking my friends. But he got back too quickly, and probably if she texted him right now, Rebekah would see it. And if that was what Jungkook was getting at here, Alex’s text might accidentally be the thing that made Jungkook and Rebekah talk about it! And decide to go for it! Friendship be damned!!!!
Jungkook plopped down again between them, hit play on the controller –now on the ground– with his big toe, and then flipped one of the blankets open across all three of their laps. The next move felt like the obvious farcical step; he let out a deep sigh and lifted his arms over their heads and stretched them along the back of the couch, pressed against both of their backs, hands hooked around their shoulders. Not even subtle.
Rebekah giggled as Alex sighed, “Kookoo…”
“Oh right sorry, you have a boyfriend…” He lifted his arm away from her, which put him a little closer to Rebekah. “Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked Rebekah.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s nice to snuggle while we watch a movie.”
Alex made a retching noise in her lap that almost went too far.
“Yeah, don’t make yourself puke for real!” Jungkook cried, knowing. She hated that he knew! She hated that he’d seen it happen before. She just had a suggestible gag reflex, ok?!
Now flustered and annoyed and not sure how else to remind Jungkook he was not allowed to fuck her friends, Alex grabbed his arm and yanked it back around her shoulder and huffed,
“Don’t be such a fucking weirdo, either of you, it’s just a movie. And stop doing things with your toes, it’ll weird my friend out!” He’d been using his toe to tug the blanket a little bit lower to cover his feet. It wasn’t quite big enough for everyone to spread out but with his arms around their shoulders anyway, they were almost tucked close enough. It was really only meant for two.
“It’s fine,” Rebekah assured her. “It’s kind of impressive.”
“It’s not impressive when he pinches you, trust me, it’s like a fucking lobster, especially if he hasn’t cut his–”
“I keep my nails short!” he interrupted, scowling at her. “Don’t say shit like that.”
“You do. It’s really impressive. So many men don’t seem to care about how their feet or hands look but your nails are always nice,” Rebekah complimented him.
“Can you turn the movie up? I can’t hear,” Alex spoke over whatever appreciative bullshit Jungkook was about to say. He tried to hit it with his toe but the TV remote was harder to control that way. He had to bend down to pick it up once he’d dragged it closer with his foot; he let go of Rebekah’s shoulders to do it, keeping his arm around Alex. That was a little soothing, if her request managed to get between them in more ways than one.
“The snuggling is going to get real awkward when we get to the sex scenes,” she joked.
“Maybe for you,” Jungkook shrugged.
“Uh, no? I’m not the one who will be weird about it.”
“Who, me?!” Rebekah gasped. “Ok let’s be clear about something, I have a sexual history–”
“I meant JK,” Alex laughed.
“Oh… ok…’
“Are you kidding? Two hot girls and me–”
“Ok stop talking,” Alex said and covered his mouth. She expected him to lick her hand. Instead he just opened his mouth and breathed warm breath against her palm, which was way weirder. “God you’re weird.”
“Yeah, hey can you put the balled tit pillow behind my head?”
“So you admit it!”
“I’m never admitting anything and you can’t make me,” he said, and squeezed her shoulder. “Now stop making noise and watch the movie.”
“I thought you liked noise,” she said, trying to joke, trying to draw out Jungkook acting the way he ought to. Not that he wasn’t. But his arms around them both felt weird even though they snuggled plenty of times while watching movies. It wasn’t a big deal! But was it a big deal for Rebekah? Alex thought she seemed a little too happy. And Jungkook looked smug.
Suddenly he turned his face down to hers and whispered, “I know I’m hot but the screen is that way, Song.”
“Fuck, your ego is just… it’s so big it’s blocking the screen.”
“Oh, baby, that’s not my ego, that’s–”
“A lame joke, try again.”
“No, there’s a movie on, shush.”
The ‘shush’ did her in. She glared, but he just grinned at her, and for some reason that exchange soothed her. Their little quips were just like they’d always been and it was comforting. Silent communication, that was a thing they could do, they could have a moment like that and understand each other, and Rebekah wasn’t a part of that at all.
And also… Jungkook wouldn’t. He had messed up so big with the whole kissing her thing a while ago, he wouldn’t just throw another rule out the window to get his dick wet with Rebekah. He had no problem getting his dick wet, he didn’t need to fish in Alex’s pond for that.
Unless… unless he actually liked Rebekah?
But no, that wasn’t a Jungkook thing to do. He didn’t like girls like that. And if he did– Rebekah was great, she really was, but their personality types were all wrong together! They weren’t similar enough or opposite enough for it to make sense!
She would remind him of the rule though, just to be safe. Later. Once she wasn’t busy pinching his thigh and ribs and nipples every time he squeezed her shoulder and tickled her neck to try and make the jump scares worse.
It was disorienting to wake up with Alex in bed with him. He rolled towards her, legs curling around, arms flopping across her lap. Dream and reality fused together, and everything smelled like her, and she was always so warm to sleep next to. He missed that. It’d been so long since she’d crashed in his bed. He liked rolling into the warm space she left behind when she got up first, and breathing in the scent of her shampoo where she’d leave it on her pillow because she always forgot it and had to come retrieve it later. He never put it back for her.
“No, Jungkook, wake up.” Her voice was raspy and sharp in the quiet of early morning. She was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, I need a favor…”
“Huh?” He squinted at her, one eye barely open as his brain started to drag itself out of that foggy warm happy half-asleep place. He pushed himself up and rubbed at his face before he was awake enough to stop his hands, afraid he’d give himself pimples.
“Alex?” He turned towards his phone on the nightstand but didn’t move to touch it. “What time is it?”
“A little before five,” she said. “I’m so sorry to wake you up… my car won’t start but I have to be at work in ten minutes and I’m kind of freaking out and there aren’t any Lyfts available right now… fucking suburbs…”
She was talking too fast. He pressed his fingers to her mouth and blinked, trying to clear his head. He didn’t remember any particular dream but thought it had been nice and he regretted being pulled from it. Or maybe it wasn’t a dream, maybe it was just that hazy nice space of being curled around her in bed, thinking of other times he’d been like that–
“Can you just… just ride in the car and wake up on the way and then drive yourself back afterwards?” she asked.
He yawned and blinked at her again, still confused. Why was she sitting on the side of his bed dressed for work? Why was his brain doing this? Oh shit was he about to have a sex dream about her in her uniform?! She wasn’t wearing her apron though, but maybe he could put that on after her clothes were off… he looked down but he wasn’t wearing his work uniform, so this wasn’t a joint uniform dream–
“Jungkook, wake up,” she said, taking hold of his face and squishing his cheeks. “I’m sorry but can I have a ride to work? My car won’t start.”
“Yeah? You need um… oh you need a ride to work?”
Not a sex dream.
“Yes.”
“Ok. Yeah. Yeah of course, let’s go.” His body wasn’t quite obeying yet but his brain propelled him forward, out of bed –suddenly Alex shot up and called out that she’d meet him at the front door and please to hurry, she’d drive there. He was on his feet before sensation caught up with him and he realized he might have bumped his semi against her arm or something… No, he didn’t think it was that noticeable. Maybe she was just in a rush to get to work.
Oh shit, yeah, she was late, he realized as he looked at the clock on his phone. So he pushed himself to wake up faster, slipping on his sliders by the front door and grabbing his keys and wallet.
“I really appreciate it,” she said. “Sorry I woke you up so early.”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with your car?” he asked, following her down the stairs.
“I don’t know! It just keeps turning over. I don’t know if the battery is dead or it’s out of um… oil or something? Here, give me your keys, I’ll drive while you keep waking up.”
“I’m ok to drive.”
“Just give me the keys,” she insisted, and honestly she was probably right so he slid into his own passenger’s seat while she got behind the wheel. She’d be breathing down his neck probably if he didn’t drive fast enough anyway.
He yawned and turned the radio off when it blasted too loud on starting, and suggested, “I’m not working today, I can take your car in. Did you leave your keys upstairs?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Eh, it’s fine,” he shrugged. It was weird to see the world as bright as it was so early in the morning. He was never up this early unless he’d just stayed up from the night before. It was further disorienting right now as he dragged his brain out of sleep. Part of him still felt curled up in bed with Alex and her long soft hair and her fluffy pillow. Even though he hadn’t actually been, he realized. A dream. A wish.
“No, don’t, why would you do that? I’ll just figure it out when I’m off today.”
“We’ve got dinner with–”
“Yeah, I know!” she laughed. “What are you the family calendar keeper now?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe you forgot now that you have another family.”
“Oh stop.” She hit his arm but only lightly. “Fuck, I can’t believe my car– shit, my phone is ringing, can you–” She lifted off the seat just enough for Jungkook to dig her phone out of her back pocket and glanced at the screen.
“Chesley,” Jungkook read.
“Yeah can you answer, tell him I’m there in like six minutes…”
“Hey. Alex’s car wasn’t working this morning, she’s on her way now,” he said as he answered. He vaguely knew who Chesley was.
“Who is this?”
“Her roommate.”
“Ohhhh ok that confused me, you don’t sound like Hobi. Did she forget her phone too?”
“No, she’s driving right now and struggles with multitasking outside of work.”
“Uh… ok, is she ok?”
“Yeah. Five minutes she’ll be there, bye.”
“Fuck fuck fuck,” Alex mumbled under her breath, radiating stress.
“It’s fine,” he insisted. “You’re like eleven minutes late. What’s going to happen, someone gets their coffee five minutes late?”
“People don’t handle their coffee being late very well.”
“Well they can go fuck themselves, it’s just coffee. It’s not like you broke your car on purpose.”
“Yeah but people don’t care…”
It took him until she zipped into the parking lot to really wake up, but by then he teased her, “Hey do I get free coffee now?”
“There’s nothing made but if you want to hang out while it brews, sure.” She barely put the car into park before she threw her door open, clearly not engaged with his little joke.
“Hey, it’s fine. You’re here now–” he started as he too got out of the car to walk around.
“Thank you for the ride–”
“Yeah, is your deed and everything in your glove compartment?”
She froze as he reached the driver’s side, and demanded, “Why are you insisting on that? I’ll take it in later, it’s not a big deal.”
“Do you have roadside assistance?”
“No that costs money…”
“Yeah, I’ll deal with it, it’s fine,” he shrugged. “Go work.” He jerked his head towards the front door where two of her coworkers leaned, waiting for her with the keys.
“That’s weird. Why are you being so weirdly nice?”
“I’m just nice, Jesus Fuck. Talk about people who need their coffee,” he huffed. “Get out of my car and go to work!” He backhanded her ass as she darted away without thinking about it; belatedly he blamed his sleep deprived brain. He’d even had to bend down to reach, there wasn’t a way to play it off as an accident.
He sank back into his seat but didn’t pull out of the space right away.
There had been something in Chesley’s voice when Jungkook had answered. Maybe he was imagining things, but he thought Alex’s coworker at first thought he’d just caught her in bed with someone else. Or was that just Jungkook daydreaming? Wishful thinking? He was sure of it though and that it changed instantly once Jungkook said who he was, as if the threat was obviously nullified. Of course, just the roommate, not someone Alex was at all tempted by romantically. Not when she was dating Hoseok, who everyone loved. Guess Hoseok would be the next face of Starbucks or whatever, since everyone loved him so much. They’d replace the mermaid on the cup with his face. Hobucks. Yeah, fucking Hobucks.
Jungkook had to adjust the seat and mirrors in his car before he could drive again. Alex was such a shrimp. He wasn’t even that tall but his knees were in the steering wheel. It was like a Minion driving his car, except grumpier. A cute grumpy pre-coffee stressed-about-running-late Minion.
There was something intimate to him about her driving his car, even for just nine minutes. They drove each other's cars sometimes, it happened. She was a careful driver and he knew she’d be careful with his car. One time when they were much younger, she’d bumped a parking post in his car. Barely scratched the bumper but she’d had a total meltdown over it, and he’d actually felt like an asshole, if she’d expected him to be that worked up about his car. Yeah, he took care of his car as best as he could, but he knew it was an accident. He wouldn’t have torn her to shreds over an accident or anything, and so he’d always made a point after that of being chill if something got broken or ripped or stained because at the end of the day people were always more important than things.
Besides, it was cute watching her drive his car, the way she had to sit up so high and peer over the wheel because his seat didn’t go as high as hers. He had to keep special pads around the seatbelts because they hit her collarbone weird and gave her cuts and rashes. Actually he’d learned all about that, how cars weren’t really designed for women’s bodies. That had definitely gotten him laid in the backseat of this thing more than once, though his days of backseat hookups were long behind him because he was a fucking adult now with a bed in his own room.
Not for the first time, Jungkook found himself wondering if Hoseok ever evolved that way as a person or if he still thought everyone existed to be managed and tidy. He was very particular about his Elantra; Alex had told Jungkook how immaculate it was kept, not a single straw-wrapper left inside. Would he have let Alex drive his car? He still thought sometimes about how Hoseok had reacted when the food got spilled at that Kings concert; he’d come back in a new shirt and seemed kinda tetchy to Jungkook for the rest of the night, like he wasn’t having fun and didn’t want to be there and couldn’t even phone it in for Alex to have a good time. She worried about Hoseok having a good time more than she ought to. She cared too much about people around her.
Well, Jungkook was trying to return the favor. He’d added a few things to their apartment in an attempt to make it a nicer place to be, so maybe she would stop just going to Hoseok’s place all the time. He was afraid she’d start to resent their apartment. He wanted her to enjoy coming home to it. He was going to restain the coffee table; Appa had agreed to help, he just needed to buy the stuff and find a time. Appa even had the sander they could use. Maybe he’d do it today–
No, he was going to get her car fixed today. Because she hated going to the car place and he knew a little bit (very little) more than she did about cars. She’d be so grateful when he gave it back to her later, and what could Hoseok say about it? It was just a nice thing to do! If Hoseok had a problem with it, he’d look like the asshole for suggesting that other people couldn’t do nice things for Alex. Would he have offered to take her car in if she’d woken up at Hoseok’s place with a car that wouldn’t start?
Ugh, probably.
But maybe not. Maybe Alex wasn’t close enough to rely on him for things like that yet. Well Jungkook would be so fucking reliable. He was a great roommate. Alex benefits from living with him.
He decided it was true and it left him smug instead of pathetic feeling as he tried and failed to fall back asleep and went to the gym instead, and then kindly did not steal Alex’s shampoo when he showered and– ok, fine, used some of her conditioner to jack off with but only because it was right there and he was up earlier than he’d wanted to be. A favor for a favor! It just made the steamy shower smell so fucking good and he liked pleasant smells when he jacked off and it’s not like he was imagining Alex or anything. He didn’t. He firmly resisted those thoughts, which sometimes delayed his release as his brain struggled to fight off the mental image of her in whatever filthy position he was trying to play out in his head. Filthy. So fucking filthy, the dirtier the better, because Alex would never be in that position and–
Ah, his brain always tried to trick him like that. What position, this one? She would never do this? Why, because she’d be shy about it or because you’re worried about her straining a muscle? Which muscle? You’d need to help her rub it out? That would be nice, right? How nice?
It wasn’t that he thought jacking off to your best friend was some deep evil sin. He’d jacked off to the image of plenty of women he was attracted to but would never get a chance with. It’s not like she could read his mind. It’s not like she’d know. And how many times in his life had he insisted to friends that inside your head was a free, lawless place?
But ah, he wasn’t sure that was true in this instance. He was afraid of what would happen if he just gave into those thoughts. He was afraid it would make him awkward around her. He was afraid it would make him desperate. He was afraid it would rip to shreds this very careful net wall he had tried to put up as a compromise between what he wanted and what she wanted. He was afraid that if he let himself fantasize about all the things he wanted to do to her and do with her, it would start filthy and then turn serious and then turn sweet and then probably filthy again and soon his mind would lose its grip on reality and he wouldn’t be able to sit across from her at the table anymore and be casual and chill and convince them both that this was fine.
Because it was fine. It was fine! Being in love with your best friend was a breeze when you had the self control he did. And one thing he knew about maintaining that self control was this: no cheats. No sweets when he was dieting. No minor indulgences when he was saving money for something. No sitting down for breaks when he was at the gym, only active breaks. Young Jungkook, Jungkook 1.0, had terrible self control and what had it gotten him? No girlfriends, no game, no date to prom, and mediocre grades. Jungkook 2.0 had it figured out. Don’t make rules unless they matter, and if they matter, never break them.
Like kissing Alex. Bad idea. And as a consequence, he was now in love with his best friend and watching her fall in love with someone else. He was working to push through all of that, but cheating the rules would just make it worse. He didn’t want to know what might come pouring out. He didn’t want to see how pathetic he might be. He didn’t want her to have to put up a thicker wall between them.
So this was fine. It was fine! For now, he was the one she shook awake to give her a ride to work at five in the morning. Maybe he could even outlast Hoseok and it would always get to be him…
NO. No cheats. No cheat thoughts, no cheat fantasies, no indulging that part of his body that wanted to react in ways it shouldn’t when he got to spend time with Alex. His heart! Not his dick. Although that too! But yeah he had a heart and he was not interested in some big tragic heartbreak, which he was afraid this could become if he let it. So he just wouldn’t let it!
Getting her car fixed took the better part of his morning. She was going to freak about the $600 cost but when the guy replacing the battery (Jungkook had guessed that right! He’d had to jump her car to get it to the shop and couldn’t wait to brag to her about the fact he’d done this! And met a very hot neighbor who’d recently moved in and told him to give her a buzz sometime–) –but when the guy had mentioned her break pads were worn, he couldn’t tell the guy not to fix those. Breaks were important! Whatever, if she didn’t have the money right now she could take her time paying him back. He’d get by.
She’d put on their shared Google calendar that her shift ended at 12:30. Yes, they had a shared google calendar; no that wasn’t as weird as their friends made it seem like. They both put their work things on there so they could remind each other back in the days where they kind of sucked at being adults. They were better now but the habit of the calendar stuck, and it was convenient to keep things like friends' parties on there, or to be able to quickly see what the other's work schedule was when trying to plan something, or when bills were due, or when someone was traveling.
So at 12:30 he rolled into the parking lot at her work in her newly fixed car and strolled in tossing her keys in his hand.
The ‘hey babe, your wheels are ready, let’s roll’ died on his lips as Alex called the goodbye to her co-workers and turned away from the counter, nudged by Hoseok’s hand on her shoulder. It meant they saw him at the same moment, with equally as surprised expressions.
“Oh! Jungkook? Uh… you didn’t have to come pick me up,” she said, stepping towards him. “Or did you want that free coffee now for the lift?”
Lest Hoseok think Jungkook was the kind of guy who only did a favor for a favor, he quickly assured her, “No, no coffee, I’m taking a nap after this. Spent the morning getting your car fixed.” Oops, was there something in his voice? He didn’t realize he felt annoyed until he heard it in his terse tone. He twirled her keys around his finger. “Battery was dead dead and also your breaks were worn.”
She grimaced, “Oh shit, sounds expensive…”
“Like six hundred… you can take your time paying me back if you need to,” he insisted at her hiss.
Beside her, Hoseok suggested, “Huh, I wonder if my guy could have done it for less… where did you take her car? My guy is really good, I was just telling her–”
“Matt’s great. Best in the business,” Jungkook insisted. He had no fucking clue what the auto shop guy’s name was. He barely recalled the name of the place, either, he just knew where it was and always went there because Appa went there.
“I really appreciate it,” Alex said, reaching for his hand to take the keys. “You didn’t have to do that. I know it’s a boring errand and it wasn’t even your car–”
“Yeah but you need your car working.”
“Oh yeah sorry didn’t mean to disturb your beauty sleep,” she teased.
“You can disturb it any– uh, I mean it’s not a big deal or anything,” he said, shifting tone mid-sentence. Goddamnit talking to her in front of Hoseok and trying not to push any buttons was annoying. He never thought about these things before because things were so casual and easy and fun with Alex but now having to second guess everything he said to her was exhausting. “It’s fine, I’m your roommate, that’s what we’re good for.”
Hoseok butted in again, “She was telling me how hard you are to wake up,” he laughed. “I told her she should have called me! I was already up and getting ready for my shift anyway, I could have swung by and picked her up.”
“Nah, no need to go out of your way, I was right there.” He hadn’t released her keys, still holding them above her head to see if she’d jump, or if he could taunt her into punching him. Would she do that in front of her boyfriend?
She did. Right in the stomach, though not enough to do any damage. He doubled over in mock pain just so he could grab her hand for a second, then let her wrestle the keys out of his fingers as he laughed.
“What happens if an employee assaults a customer in here?” he joked.
Hoseok laughed, “Sorry, you know, I don’t work in corporate anymore and this isn’t my shop…” He seemed so nice and friendly when he said it, but Jungkook wasn’t sure whether to trust that or not. Honestly, were the roles reversed right now, he’d be seething with jealousy, having a hot guy like Jungkook grab his girlfriend’s fist into his stomach and knot their fingers together when she stole the keys from him–
Look, Jungkook had never claimed not to be an asshole.
“This is my shop,” Alex insisted. “I make the law here.”
“Ooh scary. I’m so threatened.” Jungkook took her keys right out of her hand again and held it above her head.
“Whatever,” she scoffed, “You have to use it to get home anyway.”
His head tilted and he lowered the keys, “Oh, you aren’t coming?”
“Well my plan was to head to Hoseok’s place to nap until dinner time.”
“Yeah same– I mean, not at Hoseok’s,” Jungkook corrected.
“You’re welcome to join,” Hoseok suggested. He thought Hoseok’s smile was a little forced. But so was his as he realized now that he’d come here not only for nothing, but that he was supposed to awkwardly leave alone. In Alex’s car. So he could go home and nap alone in his bed while Alex went and probably fucked Hobi and then took a nap afterwards. And he’d meet them for dinner and be the one at the table who knew they’d both worked that morning and then had a little afternoon fuck’and’nap. And he was the one who’d spent the morning at the car shop with her car –not for a sexual favor or anything but still! Still.
Alex must have realized it too, how pathetic he was, because she looked guilty as she rushed out, “Shit, I feel bad you came all the way here to get me… I didn’t ask you to!”
“Yeah, you didn’t say you were calling Hoseok, I didn’t want to leave you stranded since i had your car–”
“And I told you not to do that! You really didn’t have to, it’s so nice but you didn’t have to–”
“Uh, that’s what friends do. Why are you being weird about it?” he demanded because she was making him seem weird about it.
“No I know, I really appreciate it.”
“Yeah, sounds like it,” he frowned. “K, I’ll take your car home. See you tonight. Guess you have a ride to that too–”
“Jungkook, why are you sulking–”
“I’m not sulking. I’m tired and I’m going home now.”
“Jungkook…”
He didn’t like the way she sighed his name and this was embarrassing, there was no graceful way to exit the situation. Anything made him look either dopey or dumb. It didn’t help that they followed him out of the store, and that Alex bumped into him playfully on the way to Hoseok’s car.
“Seriously, I appreciate it. I owe you a big inconvenient errand too now. And you can wake me up at an ungodly hour, I won’t even be mad. And I can give you the money, show me the exact amount and I’ll transfer it to you today.”
“Yeah, you’ve got it?”
She whispered, “Yeah it’s been a little easier to save since Hoseok pays for a lot of stuff, you know? Plus you shouldn’t be out for my car. I’ll give you a tip too, I’ll pay you extra!”
“Don’t give me a tip,” he quickly frowned. “I don’t work for you.”
“I know, but–”
“I’m just your friend. You don’t have to make it weird. I was just trying to be nice when you asked me for a favor.”
“You are nice. I know. Now go nap, I’ll see you tonight, ok? Don’t bail on me!”
I’m not the one who bails he mumbled to himself, and got into her car alone and drove himself home alone.
***
“So there’s Jimin three plates in–”
“Samples. Samples! Not plates!”
“And me and the baker come out of the back where she was showing me the kitchen, and the girl working is so confused why Jimin is sitting at this table eating all this cake–”
“I thought those were our samples!” Jimin complained, covering his face.
“You thought you’d just sit at a table and help yourself to a bunch of cake sitting on it?” In’am laughed. “You didn’t think it mattered what I thought about each flavor?”
“I left you some of each one…”
“So what were the cakes actually for?” Luisa asked.
“Taste test for the new menu,” Jimin sighed. “But I gave the baker my feedback so… so no harm done!”
In’am snickered, “Except for the massive stomach ache you got after we finished the tasting.”
“Yeah, I never eat that much sugar. Only for you!”
“Such a sacrifice, duly noted,” Alex offered by way of keeping things moving along.
Dinner was not what she had expected, to say the least. Jungkook had shown up, so that was at least one good surprise, because he’d sulked home so hard earlier she thought he might have locked himself in his bedroom. Then Taehyung and Sabina canceled at the last second, and Namjoon kept saying he was on his way but was running majorly late. Seokjin had brought Luisa, which was another good surprise –Hoseok explained Seokjin was so nervous about meeting new people he needed more of a teddy bear to cling to than Hoseok could be since he’d be by Alex’s side, and Alex had wanted to ask why he felt like he had to choose, but she liked Luisa so it wasn’t a problem! And Luisa was the one to suggest the backup restaurant when they’d shown up to the first –to the sushi place the guys had fallen in love with while Alex was out of town with Hoseok– only to find it unexpectedly shut down for healthcode violations. Yikes.
People bailing on dinner wouldn’t have been such a problem except that bringing Seokjin along felt to Alex like a further step in merging her friend groups, and she wanted a good showing. She had hoped Hoseok and Seokjin would like the sushi place though thank fuck she hadn’t given them food poisoning. Luisa’s backup tapas place was fun though, the food was great, and they didn’t even have to wait too long for a table on a Saturday night. There was a coin fountain and Alex got the hostess to turn a dollar into pennies and then convinced Jungkook to do trick shots with her at the fountain until their nails hurt. Everyone wound up giving it a try and Jungkook had looked predictably smug when he’d been able to land a good shot, though Seokjin had the clinch flick, apparently, and Luisa had made a joke about it that made Seokjin cover his face.
And the food was great, the sangria was greater. Everything was fine. Why did Alex feel like it wasn’t? She felt so on edge, like there was some expectation on her to make this go perfectly. This was always how it felt after there was any kind of awkward moment with Hoseok or Jungkook, even just a mixup about who was picking her up after work, and it was exhausting. But she recognized that it didn’t mean it was actually a problem. Everyone was fine now. It wasn’t her job to make things perfect!
“But what I want to know,” she said, “Why didn’t the girl working the counter say something when you just started eating all that cake?”
Hoseok waved his hand to answer first, “Ah, I read a study about that! If you pretend you know what you’re doing, people believe you and they won’t interfere.”
“Or she just wanted to see what would happen,” Jungkook suggested.
“Ah, I couldn’t do that,” Hoseok laughed. “You have to keep an eye on people! I’ve had people –we give out samples at work sometimes and they’ll just come pick up the entire tray. Or they grab ten of the little cups. That’s more than a whole croissant!”
“We have to watch people too. If someone comes in and starts lifting merchandise, I have to stop them,” Jungkook argued. He sounded defensive and Alex didn’t know why. Maybe because he definitely took multiple samples if given the chance.
“Well there’s mall security,” Alex pointed out. “They don’t expect you to intervene in a robbery, right?”
“Oh, do phone stores get robbed?!” Luisa gasped. Alex watched the conflict on Jungkook’s face because it was pretty funny. His fuckboy instincts told him to say yes and lean into the admiration this could bring, but he also clearly marked Luisa as Seokjin’s girlfriend (they were not, at least not yet) and he seemed to want to get along well with Seokjin. Which she appreciated. Although it was weird to watch Jungkook try not to shamelessly flirt with someone. The loss of entertainment was tragic so that she almost clarified Luisa’s single status to grease the wheels but something stopped her. Maybe they’d actually gone official. Maybe Jungkook was picking up on something she was oblivious to.
Instead he turned it on the poor waitress, who seemed to be tripping over herself to make his meal a good one, always talking to him as if he was the head of their group. When he asked her lowly for another drink, just water this time, she leaned in and asked him to repeat it. Alex did not think it needed to be repeated.
“You didn’t like the sangria?” Jimin asked him, because obviously the whole table had been able to hear his order. “It’s so good. It’s better than that shit you guys made in the sink.”
“Hey! That was… drinkable!” Alex defended.
“In the sink?!” Luisa repeated. “You don’t have a bowl?!”
“Not as big as a sink!”
“I saw this TikTok, they made sangria in the bathtub–” Seokjin began, which Jungkook picked up with, “Yeah, the one where the guy gets in it naked?”
“Gross!!”
“I don’t think anyone drank it but the guy,” Seokjin laughed. “Still…”
“That was always a rule my mom taught me, don’t drink anything your butt has been in,” Hoseok joked. Alex could just envision it; she hadn’t met his mother yet but she’d heard plenty of stories and seen pictures by now. His mom seemed kind and fun and no-nonsense in a way she hoped she would be able to get along well with. Assuming they met, of course. But they probably would. Eventually. Oh god. Soon Hoseok would meet her mother for her birthday dinner with her family.
Oh god it already made her nervous… her mom could be so nosy!
Namjoon interrupted her premature panic with his sudden arrival, even though the food was almost gone; he appeared out of nowhere and slid into the empty chair at the foot of the table.
“Shit, sorry I’m so late, that was…”
“What happened?” Jimin asked.
“Oh, hi I’m Namjoon…” he paused to introduce himself before sighing, “I was going to bring this girl I’ve gone on a couple dates with now, but a pipe burst in my house, so I was there trying to mop it up and she’s sitting on her phone and starts asking me all these questions about hey, do I know a Jungkook Jeon–”
All eyes turned to Jungkook, whose own eyes went very wide, mouth open wide for the bite of chorizo on toasted bread he was about to shovel in.
Namjoon nodded, “Uh huh. Happen to know a Seychelle?”
“Not Seashell!” Alex gasped. “You’ve been dating her?!”
“Um…” Jungkook looked like he was starting to sweat. “Yeah…” He kicked Alex under the table.
“Yeah, turns out she didn’t realize we know each other –which I don’t fucking understand how because I’m on your Instagram, and how many Namjoons does she think live around here?! But she was like ‘oh wait that was your bathroom!’ when I brought her into my house to deal with the flood and I didn’t know what she was talking about…”
Jungkook hastily swallowed his massive bite, choking a little; Alex handed him her own water because his was empty and he chugged the lump down before insisting, “I’m not dating her though. You can still date her if you want.”
“Kind of you, man, thanks for your permission–”
“No! I mean, it doesn’t have to be weird just because I uh… know her in the biblical sense– I mean, she’s good, right? SO yeah man, get it! Good for you! She’s uh… a nice girl!”
“Oh my god,” Jimin cackled and covered his face as Alex let hers slump into the crook of her elbow on the table.
“No, not good for me.”
In’am arched her eyebrow and asked, “Why, you have a problem with a woman with history?”
“What? No!” Namjoon defended. “I don’t care about that… I mean… it’s not like it’s a competition between us,” he said, gesturing to Jungkook.
“Yeah I’m sure you’re ok in bed,” Jungkook assured him. He looked delighted. Alex thought he was probably eager for Namjoon to not be mad at him, though Alex felt like it wouldn’t have been fair. It wasn’t Jungkook’s fault he’d fucked a lot of women– ok, well, that was his fault, but being fucked (past tense) by Jungkook shouldn’t exclude a woman from a datable list for anyone else. Especially because uh, that list was pretty long. There might not be a lot of single women left in the tri-city area if you had to filter that list out…
For a brief moment Alex wondered how many women he had actually fucked. Like what was the actual real number, not just the joking numbers they talked about? Fifty? Eighty? Over a hundred? Two hundred?!
It made her stomach twist, which was embarrassing because she didn’t want to be slut shamy of Jungkook. She wasn’t! She admired and supported his slutty behavior. Sometimes he got free stuff because of it and she got to benefit! Good for him! She wasn’t sure why it made her feel a little sick, but decided it was more about her own lack of experience. It made her feel insufficient. Lacking. She knew that didn’t make any sense but she glanced at him and just thought he knows things about sex and bodies I will never be able to keep up with. Not that it was a competition or anything but just… he was on such a whole different level. He probably knows more about a woman’s body than I ever will and I HAVE a woman’s body…
“I’m incredible in bed,” Namjoon glowered. “But Seychelle won’t get to experience it again –which she will regret, believe me– because suddenly she had all these questions about you.”
Jungkook’s brow scrunched up as he demanded, “What questions?”
“Wanted to know why you dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently you haven’t updated your instagram in a month and haven’t been posting on snap chat and whatever else, I don’t know, she was just clearly more interested in knowing what you were up to than focusing on– man, I went on like three dates with her and thought she was cool,” Namjoon sighed and let his head hang.
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said. “That sucks. If it helps, um… well maybe you can just tell me who you’re going on a date with first and I can let you know if I’ve ever uh met them before, if it matters to you.”
“It doesn’t matter to me as long as they aren’t comparing us or thinking of you the whole time or whatever. It’s fucked up! Sorry,” he said to Luisa.
Luisa quickly insisted, “I think you have dodged a blade, if she is so concerned about someone else and instagram. She goes on three dates with you and is still asking about another man? It sounds like you aren’t looking for the same thing I think?”
“Dodged a blade,” Alex repeated. “That is so much cooler sounding than dodged a bullet.”
Suddenly Jungkook added, “Also hey if you want help meeting women, I can help you out. I helped Alex, you know.”
“What?! You did not!” Alex guffawed.
“Uh, I did. I tried at least. You kept shitting on everyone I showed you.”
“Yeah, he’s not good, don’t let him help you,” Alex said to Namjoon. “I found Hoseok on my own, hands down better than anyone Jungkook showed me.”
“You don’t know that because you didn’t date any of them.”
Jimin grinned and rested his chin on his hand, urging, “Tell us more about your great taste in men, JK.”
“Well, no, I just mean… I have a lot of contacts. I can make introductions. Honestly. It’s the least I can do for uh, interfering… even though I don’t think I actually did anything wrong here…”
“Maybe you should fuck less good and then women will be relieved to meet Namjoon since he’s clearly better boyfriend material,” Alex suggested without thinking.
“Ah, thanks babe,” Jungkook winked at her and clicked his tongue. Then froze, eyes going wide as he noticed Hoseok, and stammered, “Uh, I mean…”
“I didn’t mean that as a compliment!” Alex cried, realizing her own mistake. “I mean, I don’t even know how you are, maybe you’re bad and Seychelle just–”
“I’m not bad,” Jungkook defended.
“--wanted to know if Namjoon would be bad by association.”
“She already knew I was good,” Namjoon argued, reaching forward to take uneaten food from plates.
“Wow, really? By date three? Ah, I’m so glad you’re slower to move like me,” Hoseok said to Alex, which meant he missed Namjoon’s facial reaction. It was not pleased.
Seokjin quickly suggested, “I think he meant just that if you move quickly maybe she thought it was casual sex and that’s why she could ask about Jungkook… were you exclusive?”
“No, not after three dates but…”
“Three dates isn’t too soon to fuck,” Jimin argued, earning a look of amused disbelief from In’am. “Come on, how long did we wait? It felt like an eternity but…”
“Five dates.”
“Yeah, an eternity. Would have been two if I’d had my way…”
“Yes, that’s all I meant,” Hoseok quickly insisted. “You waited until she was ready because you were serious. We did the same. I don’t know, maybe I’m too slow! I’m slow about things like that…”
Alex took his hand beneath the table and grinned at him, “That’s ok though, I am too. Glacially slow.”
“Yes but you just need to find someone who is compatible with you,” Luisa advised. “If you’re both fast or you’re both slow, it’s all right. No one is confused.”
“Well but fast and slow can work together,” Jungkook argued. “A relationship involves compromise. The fast person can slow down and be reassured in other ways that the other person is serious about them even if they want to go slow. That’s not a problem.”
Alex stared at him, baffled, and demanded, “Who have you gone slow for? Who are you and what have you done with Jungkook?!”
“I’m just saying I could and would go slow. For the right person! Jimin, Namjoon, any of us, right? You’d have to be a piece of shit to rush a woman who didn’t want to be rushed–”
“But you move too fast to figure out if a woman is the right person,” Jimin laughed. “You’re fucking her so quickly, maybe afterwards you’re like oh shit, she was the one but I already blew it…”
Jungkook’s smile had a degree of shyness to it as he laughed, “No no that hasn’t happened.”
“Yes, our resident relationship expert,” Namjoon muttered. “I hate when you give decent advice.”
“Oh god, Joon, don’t take relationship advice from him!” Alex gasped. “Talk to literally anyone else in our friend group.”
“Hey, I give good advice,” Jungkook scowled at her.
“About getting laid, not about falling in love. If I had taken your advice…”
He looked genuinely upset now and pressed, “What bad advice did I give you?”
“You told me to have sex fast and stop thinking so much about it!”
At the groans around the table, Jungkook defended, “Ok wait wait that’s out of context, I didn’t say that. Don’t say that, that makes me sound bad! I only give you good and careful advice and look, now you have a boyfriend you’re happy with so why are you blaming me?”
“I’m just saying.”
“The purple thing, right? I told you just to wear anything that would make you comfortable and he’d like it. I encouraged you! I was right about that too, right?”
“Purple thing?” Hoseok repeated, eyebrow arching, and Alex wanted to crawl under the table. Oops. Oops oops fucking oops, this was not where she’d meant the conversation to go.
“Ok ok you’re right, I’m just joking,” she insisted. “You gave me good advice. I know. You can listen to him, Joon.”
“Maybe you should get relationship advice from people in successful relationships,” Jimin suggested.
“Or just follow your own heart,” In’am countered.
“Ask a woman,” Luisa added. “Oh, unless you also date men?”
“I– why? Do I give off those vibes?” Namjoon asked her skeptically. Luisa shrugged.
Jimin snickered, “Why, Joon? Someone else say that to you recently?” Namjoon sighed and rolled his eyes as Jimin happily shared, “He’s been getting hit on men a lot. Apparently I’m a pretty good wingman…”
“I know men! I can introduce you,” Jungkook tried, like he had something to prove here.
“I’m not paying for any of this food,” Namjoon announced and continued to stuff his face.
Hoseok suddenly leaned in close to Alex’s ear and asked, “What purple thing?”
“Oh, it’s… it’s nothing… a thing I bought to wear on our trip but I wound up not needing it.” She beamed at him, remembering how easy and comfortable she had felt with him… eventually. “Something fun for another day.”
“And your roommate saw this purple thing? Is it the kind of purple thing I think you mean…”
Alex froze. Obviously she should not admit to her boyfriend –post kiss– that Jungkook had in fact seen her in the lingerie she had bought to wear for Hoseok. But she also didn’t want to lie to her boyfriend.
“Lingerie,” she whispered back. “It’s just something nice I ordered because a girl he was with had something like it and recommended– I can show you–”
Liar liar liar!
She broke off as Hoseok suddenly sat taller, his face lighting up as the live band across the restaurant suddenly made a comment about salsa dancing taking place in the building behind the restaurant.
“No,” Seokjin sighed, looking instantly between Luisa and Hoseok.
“You dance?” In’am asked, then waved her hand at Hoseok, “Of course, Alex told us all about you used to dance.”
“Let’s go,” Jimin agreed. “Finish eating, quick.”
“We have to pay!”
“The dancing is just starting, there’s no rush.”
Alex let out a deep sigh. Hoseok seemed to have instantly forgotten the question and she could avoid answering it for now, at least until more time was between that kiss and now. It had been over a month now and yet she still felt like she was a matador when Jungkook and Hoseok were in the same place.
She was tired of that. Both had said they would be simple and good. Why didn’t it feel simple and good yet? She wanted that to stop now, thanks.
In fact, it was going to. Enough was enough! She wasn’t going to stretch herself awkwardly like this. Tightrope walker? She wasn’t born for that. They were going to have to sort their own shit because everything was fine and she was not going to enable awkwardness a moment longer!
So she clapped her hands on the table and agreed, “Yeah, let’s dance! I can’t dance for shit but let’s do it and I hope my boyfriend doesn’t dump me over it!”
“Noooo don’t even joke like that, of course you have my heart no matter how badly you dance.”
She felt an instant flush. His words left her briefly speechless, they were so sweet, leaving her to scramble to throw her card down when it came time to pay and finish drinks and avoid looking at anyone so she wouldn’t burst into flames.
Hoseok put his hands on her shoulder to steer her forward and leaned in close to whisper, “Don’t worry, I mean it. I’ll teach you all I know. Maybe later you can show me something purple.”
*
Honestly, Alex thought Hoseok might have gone out of his way to fluster her the rest of the evening. His dancing was intimidating to witness. He made it look so easy to move in ways her body simply couldn’t keep up with. He was sweet and encouraging as he taught her steps, and laughed with her when she’d feel awkward sliding her hands down her body or up into the air, or when he did it for her. But it was worth the slight embarrassment to watch him move.
At one point she sat out for a while; she pleaded with him to dance with Luisa instead so she could rehydrate with Seokjin at the edge of the dance floor. Hoseok was reluctant at first but Alex insisted, swore it wasn’t a jealousy thing, begged to just watch him dance for a while, and she didn’t regret that even if the awe was definitely mixed with envy. Luisa was as graceful and natural as he was, and their bodies seemed to roll and spin and bend together.
It kind of felt like grief, honestly. Her body wouldn’t look or move like Luisa’s, even if she dedicated all her time to trying, and usually that didn’t bother her but right now the dream of being able to move like that kind of got to her. It was one thing not to want something because you didn’t care. It was another to feel like it was beyond your reach. Hoseok clearly loved dancing and Alex sucked. She would never be able to keep up with him.
“Why are you sitting out?” Jungkook asked, suddenly at her other elbow.
“Why are you sitting out?” she countered. “Notice you haven’t been short a partner.”
He feigned sheepishness, “Well, you know, there’s always more women than men at these things…”
“Collecting phone numbers as souvenirs?”
“Why is he dancing without you though?” he asked, gaze fixated, like hers was, on Hoseok and Luisa.
“I wanted a break. I can’t keep up with him! And I wanted to see what it looks like to really watch him go… isn’t he beautiful?”
“If you say so,” Jungkook shrugged.
“Come on, objectively speaking.”
“Objectively speaking, he fucked up letting you out of his sight. Come dance with me now.”
“What? Wait, no, this is my break– Kookieeee,” she whined to be as annoying as possible as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out.
She looked back to Seokjin for help but he just laughed, “I’ll guard your water!”
“How come he gets to sit down?”
“Fine, I’ll dance with him next,” Jungkook joked, then turned to face her. She didn’t like how smoothly he did it, lower lip taught, a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Don’t do fancy things, I can’t keep up.”
“I don’t know fancy things.”
She scowled at him, “That’s not true, I saw you dancing.”
“Oh you were watching me, huh?” he arched his eyebrow. “Come on, hand up,” he said, reclaiming one of her hands and lifting the other to his ribs.
“I’m tired–”
“One dance, Alex. He already taught you the step. Back two three, forward two three–”
“I’m not that fast,” she complained because unfortunately Jungkook, just like Hoseok, made it look easy. She knew he could dance well but really? Even salsa? He moved so fluidly, hips swaying attractively as he dragged her forward and backwards. What had happened to the awkward stiff way he moved as a teenager? This sucked. He’d changed and she hadn’t. Everything was stupid.
“That’s ok. One two three, two two three. Back two three, front two three–”
“Don’t count, it doesn’t actually help me it just stresses me out–”
“Ok ok no counting,” he assured her. Hoseok had been counting and she hadn’t realized it bothered her but Jungkook doing it now brought back that same insistent, disappointed voice in her ear –which was a horrible way to think about your boyfriend trying to teach you how to dance!! But she couldn’t keep up and as patient and sweet as Hoseok was about it, she knew she was holding him back. She didn’t like feeling like she was holding someone back. She’d rather watch from the sidelines. But then Jungkook had stolen her from there.
Suddenly Jungkook nudged her side to side instead of back and forth.
“I look like a Barbie doll trying to do this,” she joked. “It’s the only time in my life I look like a barbie doll. My legs are like –you know the way their legs don’t really bend.”
“You’re doing great,” he insisted. She could tell by his vacant look he was counting in his head.
“You know I have no rhythm.”
“Just–”
“If you tell me to ‘just feel the rhythm’ I will punch you in the nuts.”
“Ah did Hoseok– he’s very good.”
“I know, I told you.”
“But you’re good too. It’s just supposed to be fun–”
“You can’t even say that with a straight face,” she glowered.
He leaned a little lower and kept an intentionally straight face as he repeated, “It’s just supposed to be fun.”
“Dancing is fun for people like you who can do it.”
“It’s not that different than swing,” he said, and suddenly lifted her hand and spun her in a circle. As he returned his hand to her ribs, he accidentally brushed her tit. “Oops. Sorry.” He didn’t look sorry.
“Did you learn to dance just so you can cop a feel with girls on the dance floor?”
“Not girls with boyfriends,” he promised. Then, “Hey. Stop trying to count in your head, you’re getting confused.”
“How can you tell?”
He laughed, “Your face goes blank.”
“No yours does! Stop talking, I’m hopeless at keeping up then–”
“Alex.” He stopped her, just made them both stand still right there in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of all the people swaying and spinning and gyrating around them. It felt terrible. It was so wrong to be standing still and awkward in the middle of that. She felt like a rock, like a big slow solitary rock. “See?”
“See what?! This is so awkward,” she said, and pushed him to try to get him to dance.
“Nothing happens if you dance wrong. It’s only awkward if you’re worried about the other people. Who gives a fuck? It doesn’t matter if you’re on time with the music or look like a professional or whatever it is you’re so afraid of.”
“I don’t care what other people think. Stop being weird–”
“Then stop counting and just have fun. We look stupid at home, we can look stupid here, it doesn’t matter.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“That it doesn’t matter?”
“You don’t look stupid,” she pouted.
“And no one who matters thinks you look stupid either. Except when you make that ugly face while you count in your head–”
“Shut up!” she laughed and stopped counting to prove a point. Her moves were off the beat, she could tell. She was clumsy following his lead, even though he was just nudging her forward and back and side to side with an embarrassing predictability –except nowhere near the beat. Totally of it it. Just a mess. But as soon as she’d start to get uncomfortable dancing wrong, he’d spin her and that was fun; for a second she felt like a dainty lady, though she wished she had a nice swirly skirt on or heels or something besides white jeans and sneakers. Yeah, she was wearing white jeans! And she hadn’t dumped anything on them yet! Hallelujah, it was a miracle –as miraculous as the fact that she was laughing as Jungkook spun her out and then back in, his arms wrapped around her from behind.
“Oops, your toe.”
“That’s ok, don’t need ‘em.”
“No?”
“Conversation starter,” he joked. “Women love to pity a man.”
“Well men don’t love a dance partner who looks like a fucking Nutcracker.”
“It’s a unique style– hey are you going to puke on me if I dip you?”
“Why would I puke on you– but no don’t!”
“Ok ok.” He pretended like he was going to anyway and she grabbed onto his upper arms so tight that she had to actually disengage her finger muscles. “I wouldn’t drop you, kitten,” he complained.
“I’m not a cat.” She swallowed. Kitten should be on the list of unapproved nicknames for sure.
“You are such a cat.”
“I’ll just land on my head and crack my head open–”
“I would never allow that to happen.”
“Accidents happen, I go down hard–”
“Oops, this way,” he suddenly said, and practically lifted her from the floor to turn her away from where they’d almost bumped into another couple. They were probably hard to predict because they were so off rhythm. She couldn’t believe Jungkook would tolerate looking this clunky on the dance floor when there were possible lays watching, but he seemed to be having a great time.
And honestly, she was too. As long as she didn’t look at anyone else or think about them looking at her, it was fun to play with Jungkook. It was fun to have his attention. It was fun for those brief moments where the stars aligned and he managed to push or pull or spin her in a way that made her feel like she looked cool. She looked cool with one of the most attractive guys in the room. For the moment, she was the chosen one.
Jungkook’s voice threatened to pull her out as he interrupted her Star Moment to say, “Hey, you know it’s ok to follow your own rhythm, right? You don’t have to match someone else’s if you don’t want to.”
It was so strange it made her pause and look up at him, fumbling the step so that she stayed put and he stepped into her, pressing her race right into that musclebunny chest of his. It sounded like a line from a movie. Scripted. It didn’t sound like Jungkook at all and yet it… did? An older, more mature, less recognizable Jungkook?
What the fuck was going on with him, giving fortunte cookie advice like that?!
“I turn my back for two minutes,” Hoseok laughed, coming up to them. “I didn’t mean to leave you bored! You said you wanted a break!”
Jungkook stepped backwards and was immediately separated from them by other dancing couples. It was dramatic and unnecessary. It wasn’t like Hoseok was mad or could be mad just because she danced with a friend. She could dance with Jimin and Namjoon and Seokjin too, it was fine. Jungkook wasn’t in trouble!
But she felt a little in trouble too. A little guilty over being so winded from dancing and laughing and spinning. It was less stressful to dance with Jungkook. Because she wasn’t as worried about impressing him! Or keeping up! Would Hoseok notice she’d had more fun with her friend? Oops. It’s just that it felt like dancing with her was less of a sacrifice to Jungkook… or something…
To banish the guilt, she danced with Hoseok again even though she was really feeling done. She did her best to keep up. She tried to match her counting to his. But her body was just always a little too slow and stiff; she was always a beat behind and her hips didn’t sway so wiggly like that and she didn’t have the confidence to smolder the way you were supposed to when you danced salsa. She wanted to look at Hoseok with sexy bedroom eyes, so he would know, and so anyone watching would know, that they had great sex and he enjoyed being with her, even though her dancing didn’t come close to his. She didn’t want the people who watched him dance with such obvious admiration to then see them dance together and wonder what he was thinking. They probably were thinking that. Why wouldn’t they be?
But Hoseok, to his credit, didn’t seem to be thinking it. He got a little tense during the dancing itself, but when they decided to call it a night –long after Jungkook had left after taking some pictures ‘for Seychelle’, after Namjoon got lost in conversation with some new woman he met and disappeared, long after Alex begged to be set free and made herself comfortable at the table with Seokjin and refused to budge– when finally it was time to go, Hoseok threw his arm around her shoulder all smiles, kissed the top of her head, and deemed,
“That was fun, right?”
“So fun.”
“You coming home with me now?”
“I sure hope so but I am definitely going to want to use your shower.”
“Can’t handle a little more sweat first….?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she caved in theory… but when they got to his place, insisted on showering first anyway, pointing out that she didn’t want to get into his bed all sweaty. See, she could get her way too, she just needed to speak Hoseok’s language! Nothing wrong with a shower before and a shower after sex! Being clean and orgasmed was as nice as the way his hands rubbed her tight calves afterwards.
“I’m not a dancer,” she laughed, embarrassed by his caretaking but not enough to ask him to stop. It was sweet and domestic, curled up in bed with him, both of them freshly (separately!) showered, his fingers pressing out the sore spots from her legs.
“Ah well I’m happy you danced so much with me even if you don’t like it.”
“I like it! I’m just not very good. I feel bad I can’t keep up with you yet.”
“That’s ok, I just like dancing with you,” he insisted and she blossomed at the reassurance. He was sweet. Why had she let herself get so self conscious about holding angel Hobi back? He didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t like he’d dump her for being bad at salsa! She looked down and felt glad she had just shaved that day; the smoothness of her legs really only lasted twenty-four hours.
“Hey,” he said. At first she thought he was about to tell her she missed a spot shaving, but his voice sounded more serious than that. “Did you see Jungkook’s instagram tonight?”
“Huh? No, why? He post something thirsty?”
Hoseok looked to the side and she flinched at her own joke because he didn’t seem to be very amused.
“I don’t want to cause problems,” he said. “I’m trying to ignore ah… I know you said you talked to him, and he had that awkward talk with me too…” Right, the thing at the concert was crazy awkward. She couldn’t believe it when Hoseok had told her about it, that Jungkook had done that. And yet it had also greatly endeared him to her. He’d been willing to do that motifying thing to try and not cause problems between her and her boyfriend? It was sweet. It was such a real Jungkook thing to do.
Now she worried what the latest “real Jungkook” thing was though and grabbed her phone to see for herself. She hadn’t been looking at other people’s social media much lately, mostly just posting happy pictures of her own relationship, excited to be part of that lifestyle for once.
Sure enough, Seychelle’s comment that Jungkook hadn’t been posting lately was true; he had nothing for nearly a month before his most recent post: a photo Alex thought was harmless other than being a weird fit for his page. The aesthetic was all wrong. Jungkook had a rule about never posting a photo of just himself with another woman; said it blocked his game, whereas group photos of him with attractive groups of people made women speculate and reach out about if he was still single or not.
So then what the fuck was up with this photo, which was just the two of them? Not anyone else in the group, just Jungkook and Alex, him behind her with an arm around her upper chest and a big grin on his face, her winking and pointing at the camera.
“Oh that’s a cute picture of… um… me,” she blurted out, barely saving it halfway through.
“It is,” Hoseok agreed, eyes closed like he couldn’t believe she’d said that.
“Sorry, I meant… well, I’m cute in it.”
“You are,” he agreed. But she was distracted now by the caption.
Salsa night: no gochu left behind.
“It’s a joke about–”
“I’m Korean, Alex, I know what gochu means.”
“Yeah but it’s not about his dick, it’s about– he used to call me um, gochu-noona because–”
“Alex.”
“Because our families compete about who makes the spiciest food and my family always wins and I’m like a week older than him,” she said. “Seriously.”
“What are you doing,” she sighed, looking through the list. Honestly she had no clue how that might look to someone else, because it was a lot of inside jokes, or nonsense, or generic. Or whatever. She didn’t know! Honestly if Hoseok wasn’t looking at her like that she might not have thought anything of it on her own.
But yeah. It was kind of a weird post when it completely broke the careful aesthetic of his page. And the tags were less mocking than they should have been.
And beneath it:
Avettegrace: awww looking good is that your little sister?
TheJK.97: definitely not
Definitely not?? What did that mean? In this context?
“I don’t know, he’s being weird,” she said. “Maybe he was jealous I only danced with him the one time.”
Hoseok’s mouth turned down as he nodded and pulled his hands off her legs.
“Oh no, the unhappy frown…”
“I just think…” He sighed and wouldn’t look at her. “It feels like he’s baiting me.”
“For why?”
“Alex… don’t make me say it again…”
“Come on, he’s not…”
“He’s in love with you,” Hoseok said. “He’s so obvious about it. He’s not even trying to hide it anymore. ‘We look good af, no ego just truth?’ ‘Fav with my fav?’ Did you even notice the way he grabbed you when I walked over when you were dancing?”
“He didn’t grab me, I just stopped dancing and he ran into me.”
“He was all over you–”
“He wasn’t and stop saying that,” she snapped. “That’s not fair. I’m allowed to dance with my friend.”
Hoseok gestured with his hands, “Yeah you are but I’m worried if you still don’t think it’s obvious.”
“It’s not obvious because I’m telling you it doesn’t mean that. We’re just friends. I’m sorry if it’s upsetting you or making you jealous, I’m trying so hard not to do that, but I don’t think it’s fair if you’re telling me I can’t–”
“I haven’t said you can’t do anything,” Hoseok interrupted. “Have I? I think I’m being really understanding. You live with this guy! You keep saying he’s your best friend, but if that’s true, where’s his respect for your relationship? I think he’s trying to make me look like a jealous asshole so you’ll run right to him.”
“Hobi. He can’t lie his way out of a paper bag, there’s no way he can pull off a manipulation of that level.”
“He’s a total fuckboy!”
“Ok that’s the second time tonight you’ve been kind of Puritan,” Alex said.
He looked sincerely chastised at least, “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that… I just mean… his whole thing is manipulating women.”
“It’s not. He’s very upfront with what he wants, and a lot of women want that too. He wouldn’t last a day if he tried to lie to women.”
“But you thought this was off when you read it just a minute ago,” Hoseok insisted.
“I…” She looked at the photo and the caption again, at the comments gathering beneath.
Is this like a sponsored post for noom or something? Who tf is this girl?
As quickly as she saw it, suddenly the comment was gone. Jungkook or someone else was actively looking at the comments right now and deleting them. But that didn’t mean Alex didn’t know they were there. Was it stupid that for a moment she’d lived in a world where it was just a cute picture of her and her friend and the world was not shitty and he had not cultivated a gathering of shitty shallow people who’d immediately point out the non-aesthetic addition to his page? Maybe people thought the same thing when they saw her with Hoseok, but he cultivated a circle of sunshine and love and support and she felt safe in it. Accepted. Except for a night like tonight when she was clearly an anchor on Hoseok’s beautifully dancing ankle, she was beginning to feel like she could look right with him. Yes, the dancing had been a step backwards, but honestly dancing with Jungkook had soothed her wounded ego in a way she couldn’t have articulated at the time.
“Look,” she tried, “Maybe he posted this tonight trying to be a good friend… he knew I was feeling a little um… just kinda down on myself because I can’t dance the way you do.”
Hoseok’s tone change was instant, expression too as he reached for her hand, “Wait, what?”
“You’re a beautiful dancer, and I love watching you! But it’s stressful and hard trying to keep up and you kept trying to count but it didn’t really help, it just made me more stressed… so that’s why Jungkook was dancing with me, because he saw I felt kind of… bad about myself.”
“Alex,” he frowned, and scooted closer. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself! I love dancing, but I really love dancing with you, no matter how experienced you are.”
“I don’t think experience is the issue,” she snorted.
“That’s fine. I don’t need you to be a star dancer. I just really enjoyed dancing with you!”
It was sweet. He was saying the right thing.
And yet it just wasn’t quite as comforting as Jungkook taking her hand and saying stop worrying about the beat, stop worrying about other people, just do some little spins with me, see? Fun!
It was fun.
“OK. I know. I had a lot of fun too.”
“If I’m doing anything to make you feel bad, please tell me right away! I want to know and fix it!”
Alex didn’t want to be overwhelmed with him trying to belatedly soothe her. Jungkook had already done that, and it was fine. Hoseok didn’t understand what it was like to be on this side of the relationship; he didn’t know what it was like to be the Alex. Jungkook didn’t either recently but he sort of did in the past and anyway, he just knew her better. He noticed. He cheered her up.
Although she didn’t really think the instagram post could be for or about her. It couldn’t be. What did he expect her to take away from this? What was he trying to say or prove or had he not thought at all about it? For all he knew she wouldn’t even see it.
Did that count as another lie to Hoseok? Fuck! In trying not to look at him, Alex looked back at her phone.
AshriAngel: Omg new gf debut? She’s so cute! You two are adorable together!
That comment had been left up, Alex noticed. No response.
Oh, wait.
TheJK.97 likes this.
“I’ll talk to him,” she said as her stomach flipped with dread.
Maybe it was an accident. Maybe his reading comprehension was low. He didn’t have his contacts or glasses on. He was drunk. He was half asleep. Maybe he was actively fucking someone right now with his phone one in hand because he wasn’t totally into it but enough into it that it made it hard to read. Maybe he just meant to like it because someone was calling her cute instead of being an asshole.
Although, honestly, there were a few comments saying she was cute or pretty, which was a few more than she had expected on a page like Jungkook’s, full of people so focused on appearances when she was definitely not that and it showed. In the grid of Jungkook’s photos, it started to look less like a good picture of her…
AnitaLove: saw this coming from a mile away. Congrats!
“Sorry, ok, let me message him–”
“It can wait until tomorrow. Let’s just sleep.”
“No no people are running away with this, and I have a wonderful actual boyfriend, I don’t want the internet being confused for a single hot second.”
“I don’t care about what the internet thinks,” Hoseok insisted. “I care about what the guy you live with thinks your status is.”
“I know, hold on… he’s just dumb, Hobi. He just has a shriveled pea brain sometimes and doesn’t think things through… like a pea that rolled under the counter and you didn’t notice it for a week…”
[Alex]: come on with this instagram post what is this?
[JK]: its a cute photo!
[Alex]: some of your followers agree and the others are assholes
[JK]: eh they’re just jealous enjoy it
[Alex]: yeah guess who else is jealous that you made it look like Im your gf?
[Alex]: why would you do that?
[JK]: I didn’t do anything its just a pic
[JK]: I can’t help if people jump to conclusions
[Alex]: it’s not cool bro, it’s a good pic of us but it doesn’t need to be on your insta
[JK]: you want me to delete it??
[JK]: :( :( :(
[JK]: we never take good pictures together you’re always making a face
[Alex]: YOU are always making a face!
[Alex]: I don’t care about the picture it just needs to not seem like you’re saying I’m your gf
[Alex]: I dont get why you want to keep it up so bad
[JK]: fine your loss 🤪 lotta girls would kill for that position
[Alex]: i’m going to strangle you
[JK]: 🥴 ok if you insist
[Alex]: omg get laid, will you??
[JK]: oh I am don’t worry about me 😜
She immediately stopped responding to him. She felt like she’d licked a battery and didn’t really want to know more.
Anyway, it didn’t matter; within two minutes there was a new picture posted, Jungkook standing at a mirror that was not in their apartment, wearing a tank top and his sweatpants hanging low enough you could see the band of his underwear and a glimpse of skin. Alex couldn’t tell if it was just taken or an older one, nothing about his appearance was different enough to confirm.
Caption: ah I see, I scared some of you. Didn’t think I have friends? Fucked up. I’m still a lone wolf when it comes to love … but you won’t catch me crying about it. Life is too short to waste time so let’s get it /// Ladies where you at?
“Ugh, is that better? So gross, he sounds like a fucking cretin…” She thrust her phone at Hoseok. He was staring at his own and glanced at it only briefly. “What are you frowning about?”
“Some of the commenters on this photo are just assholes. I’m reporting them.”
“Reporting who?? Oh, the people saying– forget it. Have you been sitting there doing that the whole time?” She thought of that deleted comment. It was Hoseok then, not Jungkook who was watching out for her? No, Hoseok hadn’t been on his phone then.
“No! I just thought I’d check.”
“To see if anyone was being an asshole about the way I look?”
“What? No! To see if I was right that other people thought it looked like a post saying you’re his girlfriend. And they do!”
“Well now he’s posted this new one clarifying, and I’ll have a talk with him about it and–”
“How far will you let him go before you stop making excuses for him?” Hoseok demanded.
Alex leaned away, taken aback.
“I’m sorry,” Hoseok said. “I don’t mean to sound like that. But you’re so close and you care so much about him, how hard is he going to have to work to steal you–”
“He can’t steal me because I’m not a thing,” she interrupted. “And what he wants doesn’t matter because I’m where I want to be. I’m sorry he’s making you feel insecure but that’s crazy to me because I thought I’m so obvious about how happy I am to be with you? Do you doubt me?”
“No. No, I don’t…”
“Then trust me. I’ll talk to him again. But I need you to not look for proof of something when it’s not there. I’m telling you the pictures or comments or teasing don’t mean what you’re afraid they mean. He doesn’t realize how it sounds because nothing has ever been serious about me before. Like it doesn’t occur to him before posting that someone would ever think he’d date me.”
“All right… I do trust you, Alex. I’m just afraid this is heading for disaster and you’re going to get hurt in this and I don’t want to be the one who hurts you. I don’t think it’s going to be me and I’m worried about you–”
“You think he’s going to hurt me? How?!”
“I don’t know. I just worry. I just care about you.”
“Well if it’s him then your worries are solved, huh?”
Hoseok frowned and took her hand and pulled her into a hug, “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t want to be jealous. I trust you and I feel secure with you. I’m just not sure I trust him…”
“Please try?”
He sighed, “Yes, I’ll try.”
“Oh, it’s that easy? I just ask and–”
“Yeah it’s that easy,” he sighed, more loudly, smiling a little now. “It’s because I’m weak to you. I can’t say no when you look at me so cute… and I do trust you. I don’t want you to think I’m jealous or possessive… I just…”
“I know. It’s ok. I’ll talk to him.”
There wasn’t much left to say about it. With the new post up and the women of instagram rejoicing, Alex put her phone away and stretched out beside Hoseok in bed. It was a relief to talk of other things instead –of dancing, and whether Seokjin and Luisa were going to become a thing for real, and whether Hoseok was going to go visit his parents for Chuseok next month, and whether Hoseok should bring a gift when he met Alex’s parents soon.
“No, don’t,” she begged.
“I’m going to,” he said. “I have to.”
“No, it’s my birthday, they don’t get a gift. I’m their gift, me being their daughter.”
“My parents will actually disown me if I meet yours without a gift. I have to make a good first impression!”
“Are you capable of making a bad one? I can’t picture it.”
“I want to amaze them,” he insisted.
“You will.” She gave him a kiss. “If nothing else, I know they’ll be amazed by you. Who could resist?”
He seemed pleased by her confidence. She was pleased he seemed pleased. She was glad he was happy, and she was happy, and Jungkook…
Hoseok couldn’t be right. The people reacting on instagram were just misunderstanding a post lacking in context. Jungkook’s intentions were good but he didn’t always think things through, like what a sudden post like that might lead people to believe. He definitely didn’t have the brainpower for the type of manipulation Hoseok was accusing him of. He was her sweet, charming, smart but also kinda dumb BFF. His heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasn’t always. And that place for his heart was right there in his own chest, definitely not in her possession. There was no way Jungkook was in love with her, just because he seemed kind of odd sometimes, and done strange things like this more frequently in the past month. But hey, for all she knew he was still trying to start something with Rebekah! Or… no, that didn’t seem quite right either…
Maybe he’d just always been this weird and she hadn’t noticed until she had a foot on more stable ground? But that made her sad. She wanted to be right there in the weirdness with him. Not to make her boyfriend jealous but because that was home. That was safe and comfortable and she was pretty weird too. Couldn’t people just understand that they were weird, not in love? They were not that. They had been friends forever and they would be friends forever and they did not look cute together the way AshriAngel apparently thought. What the fuck was Anita talking about, “saw that coming from a mile away”??
Alex fell asleep trying to avoid thinking about an interesting dilemma her brain posed at the nudge of those comments: that as much as she loved being seen on the dance floor as Hoseok’s chosen partner, with Jungkook she had stopped thinking about anyone else at all…
But of course there was no dilemma. There was no debate. It was just an interesting juxtaposition, that was all! One she was not interested in thinking about a moment longer!
So of course her brain decided to keep her up with it for as long as possible, until she finally managed to fall asleep, and then her brain wove it into her dreams too, of dancing with Jungkook: the beat was erratic, their kigurumi were wrong, the music the wrong genre, they weren’t even on a dance floor she didn’t think, and the world didn’t really have definition or make sense. But still, they danced.
“Reload. Alex… Alex, reload!” Jungkook shouted at her, nudging her with his elbow. She shook her head and did but it was too late, she’d already been taken out. That was a thing that sucked about this particular game –or most of the games, honestly, that you couldn’t do any real kind of cover for your friend when they temporarily spaced out. Usually that was more of a Jungkook thing anyway, but Alex was spacing out a lot tonight.
“Ok, fuck this game,” he said, figuring it wasn’t holding her interest. “What do you want to do, hockey? Basketball?”
“Hm…” She pursed her lips into a duck pout as she looked around the arcade. And apparently failed to see anything that really drew her.
“Need me to boost you up so you can see your options?” he teased, reaching for her arms as if he would just haul her up.
“No no don’t pick me up,” she cried, predictably flapping her hands at him. That felt better. More like her. Jungkook felt a tension in his stomach ease as he pointed in a direction and hoped she would follow.
She did. At least physically. But her mind continued to be far away and Jungkook wasn’t sure why. His initial fear (hope) that she was fighting with Hoseok had been regrettably shot down as soon as he suggested it. He asked about work but she said it was normal and turned the question on him, asking if any milfs had picked him up recently. He’d spun a story that was mostly lies and she’d nodded along as if she either believed it or didn’t care.
“You ok? Upset stomach or something?” he asked to distract her as they passed that shittyass lightning game her boyfriend had been suspiciously so lucky at.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Would you rather head home and watch a movie or something?” he asked. He stopped and she crashed into him and was slow to push away. “I can make ramen or something. Too much for your tummy? Rice?”
“Huh?”
“Uh… your stomach– come on, what’s up with you tonight?”
“Nothing, how about skeet ball?”
“Skeet ball,” he repeated under his breath. He’d noticed she didn’t call it that around her boyfriend. “Yeah ok you just want to throw something?”
“Kinda yeah, why not? How’s your ticket collection coming?”
“Ah, good question… let’s play and then go take a look, I was getting close…” He bounded around her, hoping his energy would transfer and she would perk up. No luck. He’d already offered candy and pizza but she’d barely picked at either and, truth be told, he was starting to panic. He didn’t really even know why, it just felt like something heavy was about to land on him unless he could distract her long enough until it passed.
They set up in adjacent lanes for skee ball and timed their throws to alternate so they wouldn’t mess each other up. Sometimes the fun was in messing each other up, but he didn’t today, instead focused on maximizing his tickets. Maybe he should go ahead and buy something no matter what it was; that could be exciting. Sure, he was saving up for the big stuff but what was the point if Alex wasn’t having fun with him along the way?
“Woah, holy shit Alex,” he snorted as her second ball hit the ramp way too hard and popped up into his lane. “The fuck are you doing here, pitching for the Majors?”
“Oops!”
“Shit why do I feel like you just aimed that at my head….”
She gave him a wild look, “No! Why would I do that?”
“Ok She-Hulk, nice and easy–”
“Don’t mansplain skee ball to me,” she scoffed and glared but her heart wasn’t in it. And the fact she hadn’t made some crude joke about him being an expert at sinking his ball into holes hurt, it really did.
So when skee ball was done, he nudged her towards the ticket machine, deciding it was time to break his no cheat rule. Today was the day. Time to cheat. Right? Right, he wouldn’t regret it? Fuck, what if he regretted it and just felt angry with himself later for giving in– he had rules for a reason!
He tapped his card at the reader and looked at the total: 18,731. He needed 21,500 to get both the Slushie machine and the Rottweiler, and his goal had always been to save up for both at the same time. But looking at her now, that sense of dread nudged him forward.
“Ok, slug bug, it’s time,” he said, drumming briefly on her head. Her squawk of complaint was music to his ears as she batted his hand away.
“Time for what?”
“Slushie machine or puppy, which are we bringing home?”
“What?”
“That’s right, it’s time.”
“But I thought you were saving up for both–”
“Yeah but why? Anyway, the place could close down in a week and then I lose everything,” he pointed out. “Sometimes you gotta cash in early.”
She shrugged, “Nah, I’d help you break in and claim what’s yours.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah, we could pull it off.”
“Unless the employees ransack the prizes,” he countered, but the idea of casing the joint with her was a breath of fresh air. “How would we do it?”
“Uh… well… picking a lock would be the easiest, otherwise we’d need to break into the mall at night and break the padlock on the metal grate thing. Mall cameras would probably notice us.”
He nodded, eager for the fantasy as they walked to the counter, “Yeah sure but we should use someone else’s computer to watch videos about how to pick locks so it’s not in our history. Maybe my brother’s. Ah, we should put on uniforms and insist we’re supposed to be in here, just in case we get caught.”
“Right, ok. And then either the shit you want is just sitting out in the open on the shelves.”
“No no,” he said, “It can’t be that easy.”
“Why not? Why can’t it be easy?” she demanded. “Why does everything have to be hard?!”
“Um…” He looked at her, feeling like there was something else behind what she just said but also a little afraid to push. Was she fighting with Hoseok?! Ok. Ok, he needed to not get too excited. A single fight didn’t mean they were going to break up –it was just really rare, they didn’t seem to fight often, so it could mean that. But if he seemed too eager about it, Alex would get defensive and clam up like the little hedgehog she could be and he wouldn’t get to be there for her during this emotional and difficult but overall good transition. There would be life after Hoseok. Good life after Hoseok. He’d still be there!
At the counter, they had to wait for some little kids to spend their tickets, and it gave him time to continue the fantasy, “Uh, because we’ll look amazing in catsuits. Is that what they call the all black? Like with the harnesses?”
“Maybe you will,” she scoffed.
“Seriously? You’d look banging,” he said. “You need one that’s got pistol holsters like right here so when you cross your arms over your chest when you’re being all pouty, you can also just grab your guns and unload on–”
He was thrilled when she acted this out, even made a fake firing sound, and admitted, “Ok, that’s pretty cool. But those outfits are unforgiving.”
“What do you need forgiveness for?”
“I mean they show everything–”
“Exactly,” he grinned.
“You’re sick.”
Jungkook couldn’t help the happy future film that began to play in his head: teasing Alex, her saying he was sick, him agreeing and leaning in to kiss and grope her– ah!! Even just those two seconds flustered him. He didn’t let these fantasies play out because it felt like getting into water that was too hot or too cold, something; it made him shiver and it felt like it wasn’t time yet, like he needed to let the water reach a better temperature. If he could just be patient, hold onto that self control…
She might still not choose him. She might never have feelings for him like that. But maybe there was something they could work out… honestly anything would be better than this right now…
“Ok which do you think would be better?” Jungkook asked, meaning ‘to comfort you during your heartbreak.’ “Slushie machine or we finally bring home our baby?”
“I think we should wait on both,” she admitted.
“What? No! Why?”
“I just… I don’t know… you had a plan, you should stick to it.”
“No, I’m tired of waiting. Yes, hi! I want that dog!” he stepped boldly forward and slapped his card down on the counter so he could point.
Tyler, the college kid they had seen almost every Thursday for months now, grinned, “Yeah, man? Really? You’ve finally got enough?”
“Oh I’ve got way more than enough. I’m coming for that Slushie machine next. But today, the lady needs a puppy.”
“I’m not a lady and I don’t need a puppy,” Alex said, pressing up against the counter.
He had never been so sure in his life that he needed to bring this dog home right now. There was the perfect place for it in the living room now, in full sight of the front door. The thing was so big and huggable. They could use a baby in their lives right now.
“She’s kidding,” Jungkook said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “Oh shit, I should make a video!” He yanked his phone out, and when Alex was a poor sport and again insisted they shouldn’t get the dog today, he shushed her and recorded Tyler dragging out the ladder, climbing up, and carting down the 3-foot stuffed dog.
“Our baby!” Jungkook cried as Tyler set the dog on the counter. He panned to Alex’s unamused glare, though her eyeroll and the twitch at the edge of her lips showed hidden amusement. She was playing along now, he thought.
He felt no sense of regret as Tyler scanned the 6500 tickets off his card, just grabbed Alex in close so they could take a selfie with the dog’s head tucked into the picture.
“What are we going to name him?” Jungkook asked, giving the dog a kiss on the nose and scratching behind his ears. “Oh I think he likes that–”
“You’re unhinged,” she snickered.
“Come oooon, our apartment doesn’t allow pets, this is the closest I can get.”
“You name him, he’s your dog,” Alex shrugged, grabbing his card off the counter as he was just about to walk away without it. His arms were full when he lifted the pup.
“What about… Bruce, no. Tiny? Eh. Um…”
“Are we going home now?” Alex asked.
Jungkook gasped, “Oh should we keep playing some games with him? Let’s play air hockey, he can be on my team. We can take pictures of him playing all the games here before we take him home, just like his mom and dad–”
“Please don’t post pictures of him on instagram and call me his mom.”
“Alex,” Jungkook whined. “Don’t reject our baby.”
“I’m… not, I just–”
“Ok, you need a hug right now, I get it. Here, hug him and help me think of a name,” Jungkook said, thrusting it against her chest. The thing was fucking huge next to her. It was the most endearing thing ever. She was nearly hidden when she hugged the thing. It made him laugh as he wrapped his arms around them both.
“Ok. See? Everything is going to be ok. You can get hugs from either of us whenever you want, or we can just sit next to you on the couch and watch movies and eat ice cream or– you know, whatever helps!”
“Helps?” Alex repeated.
“Yeah. Your um hard time,” he said vaguely. Shit, he shouldn’t have mentioned it in case it was going to make her feel worse right now. When she pulled away, he took the dog so it wouldn’t crush her and added, “Just, I mean, just let me know what you need. You want to keep playing or go home?”
“What I need for what?”
“Uh, you know…”
“I’m not on my period, is that what you’re accusing me of? Just because–”
“No!” he quickly defended, knowing full well Alex did not like if you made even the slightest hint her emotionality might be related to that. It was so bad, it tricked him into saying the slightly worse, “I mean if you’re um ending things with…”
For a second she just blinked at him, and then said evenly, “I’m not ending things with– you think I’m breaking up with Hobi?”
“Uh…” Uh oh. Uh oh, not the response he’d expected. He reached up with one arm and pinched at his neck, the dog awkwardly held in a chokehold in his other elbow. “No? I thought… I thought maybe that’s why you’re in a bad mood tonight…”
“No. No things are fine between me and Hobi,” she said, and he saw her eyes sharpen in a way that made him nervous. “Except for the part where every few days I have to reassure him that my best friend isn’t trying to break us up and to be honest, I’m not so sure anymore!”
“No no no Alex, that’s not what– I wasn’t trying to break you up! I thought you were having a fight with him, that’s all I meant–”
“Yeah but you looked happy about it?! That’s so fucked up!”
“Hey. Can you guys uh take that outside?” Tyler called over. “There are… kids and… stuff…” He trailed off under the heat of Alex’s gaze.
But she did take off at an angry clip, and Jungkook followed after her, desperately explaining, “Ok, well uh, great then! You’re still together and still happy and–”
“I told you not to buy that dog today,” she said. “This is exactly why.”
“Why is why?”
“Because I have to talk to you about– about the way you’re being lately and I’m afraid it’s not going to go the way it needs to go!”
“What does that mean?!”
She held her tongue until they were outside, face to face on a sidewalk under the parking lot lights. Then she whirled on him,
“You’re still being weird. About everything. You’re posting pictures that make it seem like we’re a couple. You’re weird to Hobi. You’re possessive of me.”
“I’m not! I’m not those things!”
“I have a boyfriend, Jungkook, and it’s not you!”
He recoiled. He had been prepared to say something else, but whatever it was, it was lost at the instant shame and hurt hearing her shout that at him.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I know. Why are you–”
“No, so why are you? Am I crazy? You– you’re decorating our house, you’re buying us a baby, you’re posting to Instagram and totally ruining your aesthetic–”
“I– that’s just– you’re the one who’s being weird about it,” he tried.
“Are you trying to fuck Rebekah? Do you like her?”
The question was so fucking insane that he spluttered, “The fuck are you even talking about? Rebekah?! No.”
“Then why? Why all this–”
“It’s nothing!”
“When you kissed me, was that nothing? Was it really nothing?”
Jungkook froze. Her question confused him. His panic caught and he went completely still and stared at her. Was she… was she asking because it wasn’t nothing to her? Or was that crazy? Was she not fighting with Hoseok because she was instead fighting with herself? All these things she’d noticed, why? He’d tried to be really objective about his own behavior and honestly didn’t think he was acting any different than he ever had before, except being a little more hands off, fewer pet names, that kind of thing. But if she was noticing those things more now, why?
It couldn’t– did it mean– did she– it could be that she was having the same–
No.
No, it wasn’t possible.
But.
Unless?
This was a harder situation for Alex. She was the one in a relationship. His feelings were already confusing but at least he didn’t have anyone else making him question or wonder. Hoseok was a great guy and Jungkook knew his relationship with Alex was a lot of good things. He could totally understand why she wouldn’t want to just throw that away over confusion about how she felt for her best friend who she’d not thought about like that ever before. But maybe she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss either.
He could make this easier for her. She needed proof he was brave and strong and serious? Fine!
He set the dog down.
“Jungkook,” she said and took a step back.
He held up his hands and said, “The kiss was an accident but I don’t regret it.”
“Ju–”
“I think about it all the time. I want to kiss you again.”
“Jungkook, stop–”
He stepped forward but stopped himself from grabbing her arms, knowing she wouldn’t like that, not wanting to ruin the moment as he confessed, “I am not trying to get in between you and your boyfriend. But I am in love with you and if you’re having doubts right now about your relationship and–”
“Jungkook no–”
“--maybe you just need to know how I feel to help you understand that– that I feel that way about you and–”
“No, fuck, stop!” she said, hands lifting to her face. “Stop stop stop just stop talking!”
“But–”
“Just stop! Please!”
“Alex–”
“I said stop!”
He’d reached for her, but she flailed and he took a step back. He felt like he’d ripped his chest open, ripped his skin off, dumped his guts at her feet, and now he was frantic for a response from her. A real one. He needed her to help him put his skin back on right away because this, this was awful, this was terrifying, this was the scariest most dangerous thing he’d ever done and he couldn’t tell by her face what she was thinking. Always he felt like he could read her mind but not right now when it mattered most and oh god oh fuck, what if she was going to say–
“Stop saying that. You are not in love with me.”
“I definitely am–”
“You aren’t,” she said. Was she angry? No. No, but she looked angry… He had not expected her to look angry. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “You aren’t! You don’t know anything about being in love! You don’t– you’re not in love with me, Jungkook–”
“Yes I am!”
“You can’t be.”
“I am!”
It was like he’d flipped a switch; she got all red and sputtered, “What the fuck? Mr. Fuckboy Jeon? Who plows through women from his instagram like it’s a fucking Denny’s menu–”
“Hey now–”
“And me!? You get ‘mad pussy’,” she said, air quotes, not a good sign. “And you’re going to turn around and say you’re in love with me. You’re not even a little attracted to me but–”
“Yes I am!”
“--Uh huh, so what is it, romantic love? What, soulmate love?” Fuck she could be so mean. He hadn’t had her anger aimed at him like this in a long long time.
“Yes!” he cried, trying to combat her anger with earnestness.
“No. You’re not in love with me, you’re just throwing a tantrum because I’ve met someone wonderful and you didn’t, and you can’t just keep me as a fucking housewife–”
“You were never a housewife! What are you talking about–”
“No I was your buddy. For years! For so many fucking years! And there was never even a hint of feelings you had for me and then suddenly–”
“That’s not entirely true but–”
“It’s true! What, the joke about us getting married when we were fourteen because I was the only girl you were brave enough to talk to? Yeah, real romantic! Just what I dream of, being someone’s safety, just slightly better than dying alone! And now you’re losing that safety and acting out–”
“I’m not a fucking toddler!” he shouted, needled into it. “Stop talking about me like that! So maybe it takes me a long time to figure out my feelings but you don’t get to tell me they aren’t true–”
“I do when I have to show you that you’re– you’re ruining everything!”
“What?” He took another step back. No, no, this felt all wrong. The flood of regret warred with his desperate hope that this was still Alex putting up a front. He was bad at feelings, but she was too! And she had more to lose right now. More to be afraid of. Sometimes he asked what she wanted to eat and she said nothing but then if he didn’t make her something she’d wind up stealing all his food anyway. Maybe this was just that, except about love instead of food.
“I’m not ruining anything,” he insisted, stepping forward again, determined to make her understand. “I–”
“Yeah you love me, you said that. Suddenly. Out of the blue. After how many years of not even noticing I’m a fucking woman now you’re suddenly pining for me? Bullshit! It would be one thing if I believed you right now and you're throwing our friendship away in some misguided attempt to confess but– but you don’t love me and so this is fucking cruel!”
“I do! Alex! I would never be that to you, ever. Why would I lie about this? This is fucking humiliating! You aren’t saying it back, you’re just telling me I’m wrong about my own– you don’t know what I think! You don’t know how I feel!”
“I’ve known everything you think and feel for our entire friendship and there was never any interest in me. So tell me what the fuck suddenly changed–”
“I don’t know! I’m growing up! I’m figuring it out! I thought you didn’t want a relationship with anyone so I– I thought you were happy with me before–”
“You thought I wanted to be someone’s housewife while they’re just off fucking everyone who slides into their DMs?”
“You weren’t my housewife. I don’t know why you keep saying that–”
“You thought I liked always being alone and left behind? You couldn’t even calm your dick enough to go to Jimin’s fucking wedding with me as a friend–”
“Well I want to go with you now!”
“Oh yeah? Now? So suddenly?”
“It just changed, ok?!” he shouted.
“I’ll tell you what changed,” she said, practically spit the words at his face. “Now when I have someone who loves me and who I love and I’m happy and my world doesn’t revolve around you anymore, so you suddenly–”
“You love him?”
“Suddenly you want to say whatever it takes to keep me–”
“Yes! Yes, I do. I want to keep you to myself. I want you to be mine, not his. That doesn’t mean what I’m saying is a lie!”
His head was spinning. She loved Hoseok. She couldn’t tell Jungkook she loved him, but she just dropped that like it was the easiest thing in the world to say. She’d known Jungkook for years and couldn’t say it to him anymore; she’d been dating Hoseok for like four months and could already say that. His throat hurt from yelling and his skin tingled and he wanted to cry.
She was right.
He hadn’t waited to make sure the water was the right temperature.
He hadn’t waited until he had all the tickets.
He’d just ruined everything.
“If you don’t feel the same way, just say so,” he said, quietly, feeling smaller by the second and unable to grab at anger the way she seemed to. He wasn’t angry with her except for not believing him. He didn’t know how he felt after a rejected confession. He refused to name this feeling and make it real. He’d never been good at feelings. He wished he could have remained oblivious a little longer.
“I’m sorry, Koo. It’s too late. I’m happy and I won’t let you ruin this for me too.”
“Too?”
“You’re making me choose–”
“I’m not,” he said, realizing his final and fatal mistake. “I’m not making you choose. Ok, you don’t love me back. Ok, I’ll deal with that–”
“Like you’ve been dealing with it?”
“Better. I’ll deal with it better.”
“Koo…” The way her voice cracked nearly broke him. It was another weight added to his chest, another clue as to what he’d just done. He’d risked it all and lost it all.
“I can back off. Now I know– ok, you don’t feel that way about me, so friends, we’ll go back to being friends and–”
She nodded. She nodded even though her face was twisting up into that ugly cry she did at the saddest of movies.
He desperately loved that ugly cry.
“Ok,” she said. “Yep. Everything will be ok, we’re still friends.”
“Right?”
“I’m uh— I’m going to take a walk and get another ride home–”
“Wait, what? No–”
“I need some space for a little bit,” she said and sniffled even though she wasn’t crying yet and he felt like he could have lifted from the ground at the rate his heart was thrumming.
“Then you take the car,” he said. “I’ll catch–”
“No, it’s your car–”
“Yeah but–”
“Just go home, ok? Please? Please please please–”
“Ok, ok I’ll go,” he said, giving in at her begging because she was starting to cry and this was going to kill him. “I’m going. But go inside… um… you need a ride–”
“It’s fine, just–”
“Ok but don’t tell Hoseok–”
“Go.”
The shame of her dismissal was the end of it. Obviously she was going to tell her boyfriend.
He grabbed the dog by the head and hauled ass away from her, though not without checking to make sure she didn’t stay alone in the parking lot. She went back into the mall through a side entrance as quickly as Jungkook headed down the row to his car, two magnets repelling now that they weren’t being forced together by a stubborn hand.
His. His stubborn hand.
Because Alex didn’t love him. She loved Hoseok. And he was making things uncomfortable for them. He was getting in the way.
And the way she cried when she said they were still friends made it sound like a lie.
Jungkook shoved the stupid dog into the backseat and threw himself into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt and started the car and leaned against the steering wheel and broke another one of his rules: for the first time in his life, he cried over a girl.
