I've heard the phrase "consent is sexy" a lot.
I've gone over the phrase "Token resistance" in my human sexuality class.
And to both of those, I just want to say:
Token resistance is not token.
Sexy is knowing that your consent, your lack of consent, and your boundaries will be respected.
Sexy is feeling control over the situation, and having the other person who you're choosing to involve in your sexuality and sexcapades listen to you and let you guide through what you're both comfortable with.
Token resistance is still resistance. It is not something to be ignored, or that should be even a thing in our current society. If we stopped the slut-shaming, stopped the need for people to put on façades of innocence, purity, inexperience, then there would be no need for this false denial.
It's so incredibly freeing to have someone listen to what you say is okay, or to back off until you can figure out for yourself what you want to happen, when and where. Feeling in control, or at least not feeling out of control when your resistance (token or otherwise) is being ignored or overcome, is empowering.
That feeling of empowerment is what leads to mutually satisfying relations.
It's not about working through the other person saying no just because their body language says yes.
It's not about obtaining a verbal yes (although that is very important).
It's about respecting the other person involved in your experience.
It's about two people, not one.
It's about moving at the pace of the least comfortable, not pushing boundaries until they get to where you are.
Listen to what they're saying.
Exploring will involve being vulnerable.
But vulnerability =/= discomfort.
