criticism of veil of shadows (3/4 critical, 1/4 simpfest)
i waited for more than a year for veil of shadows after falling in love with FoF, and was eagerly awaiting the first watch, but now i'm so confused and disappointed with wtf is going on. the aesthetics are typically GJM style but the plot is in shambles
(in this longpost, i will typically use fangs of fortune as a comparative example because they are both gjm works based off the shanhaijing)
I've broken this down into a few key sections bc i luv making lists
screen time and order of appearances of main characters
worldbuilding (or lack thereof)
power scaling
ost music
character designs
LOADS OF SPOILERS BEWARE
screen time and order of appearances of main characters is off
i went back to ep 1 to rewatch specifically so i could get the facts right in this section.
this is the order of characters appearing for the first time:
lu wuyi -> you chi -> wu shi guang -> four NAMED case-related side characters -> wu wangyan -> ji ling & li jie
why tf is our main ML the 9TH named character we are introduced to??? because of this messed up screen time allowance and introductry scenes, our ji ling literally never crosses my mind as the main ML until…i think it was the first instance that 'chi wen' displayed his dragon powers. in fact, wu shiguang and wu wangyan's story seem better established as a leading couple.
compared to ep 1 of FoF:
e shou → wen xiao → zhao yuanzhou → zhuo yichen → fan ying (wen xiao's adopted father) → one unnamed character of chongwu camp
or look at ep 1 of love game in eastern fantasy (a recent watch of mine):
miaomiao (1st FL) → xiao wan (servant) → liu fuyi (2nd ML) → mirror demon → mu yao (2nd FL) → mu sheng (1st ML, arriving in a GOLDEN METEROID EXPLOSION)
worldbuilding
shilin sect
shilin sect is housed in the dragon temple, and the sect is supposedly lead by a dragon god personally (embodiment of protection and general good things happening), which is what gives shilin sect such authority and credibility in the story ignoring the fact we don't hear names of other sects at all as if shilin sect has a monopoly over all demon hunting which we all know how well that goes.
we have two characters introduced in the middle of the show (white haired guy with hilarious black haired guy, jin zheng and hua qi) whose introductory name cards list 'beidou…' and 'nandou...' as part of shilin sect titles. wu wangyan's special friend is also from one of these departments of shilin sect, implying a specific structure to shilin sect which proceeds to, once again, never be discussed in detail even though our lu wuyi (our main FL, and an established spy character) spends a considerable bit of time staying in shilin sect and spars with multiple cultivators in there, and has the perfect opportunity to learn about how this sect works.
formless moon
we have a special cult of 7-ish nine-tailed hulijing from qingqiu (a different class of fox compared to regular foxes like bby ji ling) that share memories every month and serve the fox emperor, and later on a oracle rock. very creepy but cool concept + stylisation and unique from other qingqiu hulijing appearances in other shows!! (i take wins where i can :D)
power scaling
shilin sect
single flower cultivator? double flower? TRIPLE flower? the show never explains what this flower symbol is supposed to represent. mo yuntan's first appearance made me think it was his unique character design, but then another 3-4 shilin sect cultivators show up with them, implying it's some sort of rank that comes with levels of spiritual power. there is no explaination of what the difference in rank is or what a 'normal' cultivator looks like, because everyone who shows up in this show is extraordinary. there are no 'regular' guys here, so we have no baseline to reference and therefore it's difficult to understand how unique all our main characters are.
ALSO the additional triple flower reveal in ep 23 + explaination in ep 24 was incredibly strange. yuan wuhuo says that li jie already had the triple flower mark level power but didn't have 法力 to reveal it. but in the first ep battle, ji ling is specifically singled out as a shilin sect member that doesn't possess 法力, implying that cultivators going around without 法力 is a unique occurence to wu shiguang. and li jie only ever got his iconic sword because of how naturally powerful he is. how can yuan wuhuo then say that li jie has no 法力?
demons
FoF comparison: FoF opens with the E Shou rabbit girl and Zhu Yan. we see clearly the difference in power and how significant zhu yan's power and authority is (besides the whole massacre flashback). our baby rabbit girl can do nothing but pull simple escape tricks and run, whereas zhu yan can perform telekinesis wordlessly/wordfully, counter a highly trained cultivator with his glowing sword, and easily escape a prison designed specifically to hold demons.
VoS demon introductions: lu wuyi (nine tailed hulijing) appears with mind control powers. you chi (weasel) has a FLAMING SWORD. wu shiguang (son of the DRAGON KING??) can manipulate water powers and has a cool bead braclet thats apparently made with the blood of sinners?? wtf?? very cool, but not something we see everyday. wu wangyan, xiao wei, yuan wuhuo are incredibly old and experienced demons. bai ze is all-knowing. chi ba's single word kickstarts drought!! im sure the everyday demon isn't like this, but we don't know that!! we don't see 'normal' levels of power, so these awe inspiring vfx displays get cheap and exhausting to watch after a while. pretty for sure, but worth nothing to the viewer.
this point is most evident in ep 25 (battle between yuan wuhuo and baize). baize thus far has been chi wen/ji ling's greatest supporter and aid, but is established as a scholar-esque non-combatant compared to figures like mo yuntan and li jie. we know from 'chi wen' that baize has purple lighting powers, but up till now we don't actually see him use it. yuan wuhuo we know is basically li jie on steroids so he's a powerful fighter with all his memories and skills intact. when these two characters confront each other, i don't feel any tension of a fierce battle between equals. it's like baize is taking his last stand in defence of his people and yuan wuhuo holds the advantage. but then. suddenly. PURPPLEEE LIGHTNINNGGGG!!! INFINITEEE POWERRRRR!!!
wtf idk what's going on anymore ;-;
ost music
i've already made a previous post about my thoughts on how similar the ost songs of FoF and VoS are in terms of lyrics and themes, which another user commented about how FoF and VoS are thematically very similar stories and would have similar concepts being explored in story and song.
but still the FoF songs have a very distinctive flavour which stands out against other xianxia/supernatural mystery shows and i enjoyed it a lot (haunts me day and night), whereas from my pov VoS comes in trying to replicate the themes but without it's own distinctive spine. the lyrical themes are similar to FoF but the melody is unmemorable, doesn't match the vibes of the actual plot, and borderline grating against the amazing bgm effects they've created.
the good thing is that the bgm such as the fox sisters and the battle chanting are quite unique and I'd love to hear more of this kind of creative bgms in xianxia/wuxia works.
character designs
ngl the most badass character designs in this show is mo yuntan and ji can (the white glowy embodiment of loneliness). mo yuntan with his double flower mark and a brush that rips a flower petal shaped hole through space and time is so visually OP and i love him so much. for such a powerful guy, he gets disappeared from the story so fast and it's a disappointment.
the aesthetic of this formless moon fox cult (it is a cult the more you think abt it, the constant privacy invasion, blind obedience and worship of a single higher being, everyone wears the same clothes, everyone looks the same, the moon themed names) is so cool. i enjoyed the overdramatically large fox tails in That scene. its visually striking and very different from what we normally see, and the flexibility and softness of the foxes carries into wu wangyan's soft sword (MLC li xiangyi's wenjing sword reference anybody??) which i find blends in very well with the aesthetic of formlessness. of their cult.
wu shiguang's buddhist beads made of sinners blood that can turn into magical restriants and a spear that can always be recalled to him is SO COOL aksjaksjaksjakjs 10/10 we should start inventing more cool weaponry besides swords.
you chi gets a FLAMING SWORD MUAHAHAH last time i saw a flaming sword was with wangquan fugui (cheng yi) in fox spirit matchmaker: sword and beloved. i wonder how his family came to acquire such a special heirloom.
yuan wuhuo's butterfly mask transition will haunt me and all my future generations. like whattttt this man spends eight hours a day perfecting his drip i bet. im staring at his mouth VERY POLITELY at all times. y'know. in case he decides to repeat that move and steal my heart again. his spiritual divination tool is also a very unique weapon which shows should totally create more of.
bai ze and his purple lightning was a design im not sure what I think of. thinking of the gentle baize goddess of FoF, we get similar vibes until this dude unleashes DIVINE LIGHTNING and DUAL WIELDING LIGHTNING SWORDS. like wtf bro is secretly ripped.
ANYWAY i would love to hear if anyone had similar/different analysis or thoughts of the show? i acknowledge by ep 17 i'd completely lost the plot and was hatewatching but the story managed to redeem itself in the later halves once ji ling's true identity was revealed.
Okay, since I am in a terribly good mood. Imma ramble once more about TimeHealsTale (THT) again right here and for Eagle too. Maybe have a bit of a revamp too. Maybee.
Trigger Warning: Dark topics of war, abuse, inhumane experimentations, genocide, marriage for benefits, etc. not really safe and fluffy. I made and carved this story during covid lockdown. It is not a cosy story. But hey there is the power of friendships and hope in here too.
TimeHealsTale is an AU set in an IRL situation where Undertale's plotline takes place but it is only a small narrative over the entire history of the AU's creation. See, the story starts all the way from the beginning from the creation of the AU. From Nothing to Something.
Oblivion or any other name it can be referred by as it was nothing decided to create something. It controls nothing but basically gets the ball rolling for everything. Doesn't really gives a crap of Anything happening in their sandbox because nothing was only an audience. It saw the threat of a random entity entering its domain and making a mess on his creation. Hates it. Obliterates it.
The entity Changing something (ie gaster's development) in the narrative and threw the entire thing off course from the Undertale plotline to TimeHealsTale plotline instead. Like ya know how a butterfly flaps its wings and change the entire course of history. It is like that.
Nothing didn't do anything to gaster because Nothing recognises Gaster as one of their even if... Changed. It just shrugs and moved on. Keeps watching. Oblivion recognise no concept of Time. They/It are just glad to have Something to hold on. For it was theirs. Even if Gaster/Gesu/ Wind Chimes of Slaves was kinda ripping apart his creation at the seams with high goals to rewrite history to his liking. They/It do not see him as a threat.
Nothing very VERY JEALOUSLY guards it from Outside entities. Absolutely rejects their very presence. Ink, Error, Fresh, Dream SwapSans and any other AUs. There is a reason why this AU is hardly known by others. Sitting right in the corner, hidden away and more. It is very young yet the AU itself is rich with its own history. Filled with entire galaxies, planets and unique ecosystems.
Not merely a game.
It is life that this particular part of nothingness adores.
Really a walking contradiction like all life.
Doesn’t gives a shit but actually give a shit.
Now onto the THT Plotline.
The Entity having given Gesu a mind of his own.
Okay, let’s rewind a bit. Monsters exist here. From the beginning of the planet Earth. The first Monster to be created was a plasma Monster made of pure energy that formed under the wishes of many MANY creations dying in a tsunami or some form of cataclysmic event. Their SOULs wishing or hoping for a saviour, for light, for warmth and lo behold they got their saviour.
Albeit, a bit late as they were all dead to get help.
This pure energy of a Monster was mindless, aimless but with a single goal. To help, to give light and warmth, to GIVE HOPE. Reshaping the planet as we speak. It in records of history was recognised as the first Monster. Compared to as the sun on cave carvings. Having life flourish on this harsh environment. An Ancient being that formed a mind of its own after centuries and carved the earth to be as it was now. Before “dying” and becoming the moon.
A floating ball of congregated dust in space pulling the tides for earth.
Ya gotta know, a Monster’s lifespan in this au is effin long as heck.
Humans with such a short lifespan easily accepts them as deities at times before forgetting and the cycle repeats.
So basically, Monsters are made of wishes from a living things’s dying will. Like that. And at times there will be multiple all over the planet. Gotta keep in mind that these exist outside of the galaxy too. So these means Monsters exist universally as well in space XDc. Moreover, if two Monsters or more get together, yes they can have offsprings and thus begins the group of Monsters going around with settlements of their own.
And now there is a whole generation of Monsters. Born instead of made thus, they also forget if their Ancient Monster Ancestors refused to goshdarn explain their origins to their kids. I mean who wanna tells em. “I was made by HUNDRED IF NOT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DYING to form me.” Yeah? Yeap .
Sooo, Gesu. In the period time of the year 1300 ish formed under on accident with the rest of his batchmates of two Ancient beings duking it out, who were created PURPOSELY by the warring Human clans for WAR. Specifically, Gashodokuro and a floating demon mask, Oni Mask. He, Gesu not named yet or it back then, lives underground, a creature who works in the coal mines put to work by humans, cause it was mindless an animal so why not? Humans says.
BUT, it encountered the ENTITY who says wow that is suppose to be a Monster what da hell. Then used its power to form Gesu’s soul. A Soul that held no hope, compassion or anything that resembles resolved itself to give a fuck for another person. It was formed too early, unnaturally developed to quick by the entity’s ignorant act. HIS savior, gave him a mind to think, to speak, to walk on two instead to swim in the dirt or walk on fours rattling like a horror creature. Mask slips on to hide sharp sharp teeth, laughing laughing in silence at nothing and form eyelights to look at the flaming darkness that was the entity in the dark darker yet darker cave he was slaving away getting coal for ungrateful walking flesh.
So unnatural to him.
It seems very, very interesting.
“Gesu (Slave), what will you do now?”
“I will follow you, my Master.” For he knows not nothing else.
“Oh fuck.”
So this begins Gesu borderline yandere obsession with the Entity that once nothing removed the random Entity Gesu wanted to rewrite history to turn back time to get the Entity.
This all took a span of 500 hundred plus years. Holy hell muffin.
He uh, kinda researched the creation of Monsters, the history of Awakened Humans which is another story to tell that is mainly about Humans awakening their latent ability to wield magic of their own if they spend enough amount of time in a Monster settlement. Happens to very few special people that will be attached to a specific ‘thing’ that their awakened abilities will have to be conducted with. Because apparently Humans are much more solid and volatile concentration of energy than a regular Monster that feels more natural and in tune easily with everything.
A Human’s abilities are limited but powerful.
A Monster’s abilities are limitless but weak.
Ie, Humans are limited to their colour and conduit, like I can heal by cooking food in my frying pan, so green magic but colours are relative that’s another whole ass story.
A Monster can freaking use any colour of Magic but do have inclinations to be stronger in one kind of colour magic suited their subspecies like Goat Monsters/Ram demon from hell So cool. Suit Fire Magic! Skeletons, Gravity Magic!. But goshdarn they are weak physically than the humans in these au and attacks on Humans are so hard for them too. But Monsters can absolutely kill Humans here just as easily. Humans are just more sturdy.
Now imagine, Gesu going around doing research. He does burn a few towns and Monster settlements not gonna lie. But when he heard that there was an entire clan of Monsters just sitting ducks after getting excommunicated to some island and sealed underground at that. He was like GOLD. I STRUCK GOLD. It was a Skeleton Monster Clan of Course.
He gets arrested, gets thrown there, blends in, works hard to not seem suspicious. But was suspicious as hell. But he was very useful so that negates clearly everything he does.
Goddamit this is so long. Imma continue it when I am not irritated by my own story anymore. Geez.
But long story short.
Gesu or Gesuto or Gaster now, ochrestrated Komi’s life cause she is his daughter, borned of him. Brought up to be immune to DT or what is the centre core of a Human’s SOUL that has in abundance of. Something that CREATES Ancient Monsters upon death of the many. He wishes to posses her body like a puppet once she develops the ability to rewind Time. Because ya know that’s a thing here XDc, A Monster’s or Komi’s fineness in manipulating Magic and Frisk’s raw energy of DT. He wants to possess them both. The greedy bastard.
Shit life Komi lead, brought up as a pig for slaughter in a pen house that Gaster effin murdered all her family for, testing DT magic on every one of them till they haemorrhage on it, choking to death died in a pile of sludge and planned keeping Papyrus around because he detest her short stature. Like rude.
Wanna know how he got the DT?
He farmed Humans travelling into the prison Underground cave. He sealead ALL Entrances, keeping them for himself, put traps for Humans wanting to brave the cave lines. HE IS GOOD AT CAVE LINES. Then he keeps them barely alive in his dungeon. This goes on for 500 hunderd years. Underground Monsters should have been freed by at the latest the 20th year of imprisonment but because he didn’t want that, of course not.
Komi found the dungeon and fucking vomits.
Komi found out that the sealed “dust” of her mom’s that passed away when she was eight was actual sludge and she hurls again.
It was a horror show.
She lived her life dependent on someone she believed loved her and would do anything to heal her of her ailment. A “terminal disease” that she was born with only to realize, he was the cause of it. Marrying her mother, only to use her to create the perfect tool to his reach his dream. (DT proximity radiation on the mother’s wedding necklace, right above her SOUL, cause of death)
This entire story is a horror mystery.
Where Komi and her gang of friends unravels everything one by one.
But it is actually more of a, her friends deprogramming her abuse and subtle brainwashing by Gesu. Slowly, as the story is arching over the her life growing up into an adult. With friends around her starting to notice the harm Gesu is doing and discrepancies in her life.
Doggo, her childhood friend and brother in all but blood.
Found the dungeon first.
Dude there is so many side characters in this. Side villains, side plots, side everything, oh my cheesepuffs sticks. I love it.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for Doggo rooting for her to be a kid just like him and ALphys teaching the power of friendship through anime. She be so dead. If Papyrus wasn’t there for her to look after and be looked after in return she be double or triple dead.
The entire STORY IS TOO DANG LONG.,
There is the childhood arc.
The dead family arc + Papyrus Enter Stage Arc
The Doggo Friend Arc.
The Terrible Terrors of Waterfall Arc.
The I am Your Father and You Will Listen to Me Arc.
The Rebellion Arc. Or Snowdin Fiasco Muscle Boy Free from Dungeon /Komi Ignites Green to Push her limit and Save 4 year old Papyrus / Papyrus witness brutal human death by a grinning Gaster and Komi crashing down with a wide gaping cracked skull hella traumatized.
The Quashing of the Rebellion Arc/Next step to getting the Soul he wanted Arc. / Forced to Go Green Komi
Komi is a child Villain? No! I am 14! I am an adult and you will obey me Alphys (insert last name here)! Alphys : Okay, here have an orange and some anime. Arc Plus, gain some confidence Arc by Alphys due to being passionate about the injustice that was “shouting about I am evil and entitled you are all beneath me, Komi” as the kid spews clearly repeated lines adorably at her in overalls and boots, cackling MUAHAHAHAHHA like a classic anime villain.
Alphys wants an autograph and a therapist.
Komi realizing that she doesn’t approve of the people living the life they have now. Promised the Terrible Terrors of Waterfall better living situations in the name of her fallen skeleton clan people that had once nobly lead the people of Monsterkind. Realized she doesn’t have to do it alone. That she needs power too.
Que, breaking into the King’s Castle Arc.
Asgore: (hobo dazed in grief still after orange muscle child human died) Lucida? Is that you? Komi: NAY, I AM COMIC SANS DU FONT AND I CHALLENGE YOU FOR THE THRONE!
She is fucking adorable.
She did not get the throne but she got biscuits and a listening ear and a signature and a promise to visit his castle whenever
She visits because the King’s place is a terrible dump and she is wee bit neurotic about clean environment to live in. Plus, the King made somewhat decent pies and amazing golden flower tea.
Insert the Lost Judgement Chambers Arc, stuck in a void in the in between where uncle by 5 years older is stuck in a limbo also died at 5 years old. A clue to who did it. Sike. Also named Comic Sans Du Font) A room where she and the King needs to cross in yet only she could see it through the film of darkness. And a garden that would lead to a Greenery to solve the food shortage in the next few years.
Insert Papyrus jealousy Arc that spans in between story and accumulates until he got a frying pan to the head only for her sister to come in between him and Gaster. … But she still try to make excuses for the bastard that that was just dad. Papyrus finally sees it for what it truly was a growing six year old and understand that holy fuck Gaster was hella mean for a dad. Being jealous of a sister who always been there for him, picking him up from school and giving him hugs to scare away nightmares and for her to have a shitty father was absolutely hella shit.
Insert I’m gonna die and I accept it Arc by Komi, who made a will for Papyrus, prepares a house for him far away in Snowdin away from Gaster because she knows that Papyrus is not safe from him. But oh, SHE DEFINITELY WAS SAFE WITH HIM. THE EFFIN IDIOT. The will and the house was an entire Arc that involves Doggo and his uncle and aunt Dogamy and Dogressa who took away Doggo from waterfall from his original family that declared him the weakest runt of the litter and deserved to die all because he was blind and with him colluding with the Waterfall’s Terrors that was just bad influence. Dogamy and Dogaressa claims these three in a heartbeat as family. Screw it if they were skeletons and they were dogs. The children were theirs. Stupid laws stating that 14 year olds were competent adults is dumb as fuck and would not stop them from howling to the sky and having the kids follow along. Better yet if the skeleton children did it too, even if in embarrassment.
FREEEDOM (AWOOO)
ASDGJAFKLNA (AWOOOOO) gibberish – Komi and Papyrus/Ru
Yeah they helped a lot and inspired Papyrus to join the Snowdin brigade.
Next Arc is the heartwrenching tale where she feels death creeping up at her, the medicine that she took daily was no longer working on her. Green Magic that runs throughout her body no longer feels sustainable and Gravity Magic making her bones attached to one another no longer feels enough to hold her together. Arc she died and got stuck in a coma for 1 year and half after Papyrus’s birthday and giftmas. Papyrus 8th bday gift is a house in Snowdin she worked and didn’t manage to pay for but supplymented by Dogamy and Dogaressa and adoption papers to the dog family that will ensure he gets everthing to the skeleton family because apparently the laws are tight that no outsiders married to the family will get an inch of inheritance in here.
Papyrus, I don’t want a house, I want my sister back. The stupid I am off to die letter was not enough. Trauma MORE TRAUMA. Eigth year old abandoned feels the pain of Eight year old Komi abandoned. WHAT A MIRROR.
Arc The Rescue. Doggo and Alphys who her parents got blackmailed by gaster made a daring rescue attempt after finding where Komi went to after a year of research. But, no it was actually Gaster dropping clues to them. He was airtight. Gaster had nothing incriminating on him.
He was just healing his daughter after all from a terminal illness that killed off all the skeleton clan people. (cough chemical genocide cough) Look, his daughter is right there on the bed all healed up just stuck in a coma. Please take care of her for him. He did no wrong of course. Not at all.
Doggo can smell the lies on him and growls.
Gaster: Such a good loyal mutt you are.
Alphys: Let’s retreat. We got what we came here for.
Gaster: Ever the practical one, Doctor.
Alphys: (Hiss in dinosaur lizard language)
Doggo carries unmoving Komi home to Snowdin to an even more traumatized Papyrus who now has an unmoving Komi iunder the basement for 6 months. The poor kid.
I just love making these pair of siblings life a pain. I know. Covid was a bad time for me.
Papyrus kinda fills up the time with training and getting stronger to kick his not dad’d coccyx because he knows HE DID THIS. He’ll protect his sister if he had to die for it. (Obsession is strong)
Grows stronger when he failed again and again and again.
Dude he needs a therapist so bad. Komi you should stop throwing yourself into dangerous situation where you keep dying in front of him or put yourself in danger of dying. It is unhealthy. Doggo is the glue to their tumultuous relationship.
Arc Komi wakes up and is crippled Arc. Can’t move her body. She is entirely calm in front of Papyrus who she asks gently to get Doggo. She broke down in front of Doggo. Hella she felt useless for being alive right now. Papyrus, 9, was behind the door gritting his teeth.
Komi: I can’t move. How am I going to protect anyone if I can’t move?! I can’t protect Papyrus like this. I am scared. I am so scared. Doggo. Dad can help. I want Dad.
…
Can you please help keep Papyrus in aunt and uncle’s house. Just for a bit. I don’t think…. He’d like Papyrus around for this.
Doggo remains valiantly stone faced in the face of it. Even if he wants to whoooo boy shout and scream at the unfairness of the world. His sister by bond is in pain and she doesn’t even know she’s swallowing the poison herself.
Doggo: (breaths in and out) How about I’ll go get Al instead, she’s the closest. Later, … I’ll go get Dr. Wing Dings.
Komi: Thanks, Brugo. You’ve always helped me out… Thank you. And, I am sorry.
Doggo: Don’t apologize, Coco. You didn’t ask for this. You should rest.
Komi: Yeah.. Hey, why are you calling dad. Dr. Wing Dings now.
Oops went on a tangent,
So Arc. Komi feels like she’s fucking useless and gains mobility of her arms but not her legs yet. So useless she wants to die but she needs to get to dad first. Because she is a literal walking Time Bomb now. Explodes in a power of rewinding everything around her dramatically. Doesn’t understand why everyone is stopping her from seeing him. Additionally wasn’t aware for when Gaster actually came into her room crushed her SOUL in front of Papyrus who screams fucking bloody murder. She stayed not awake for two weeks.
But oh ya know, Dad came to pick her up at the frontdoor and the Arc he jumped himself into the CORE of the machine. Saying random stuff that tugged at heartstrings and honestly Komi was heartbroken again and really was at the lowest point in that moment. Even if it went all according to his plan.
She really wanted to die alone in the forest of Snowdin, if it wasn’t for grillby going out taking wood to burn later. Granpa Grill Arc. It is an adorable sweet scene of Gran Grill hefting her on his back holding her crutches and then giving her tea. Before gently pointing out the things she has to live for. It takes awhile to get through her head a bit. Like a long whle
Arc of Change and development happening. Greenery in Snowdin, more jobs opening. Alphys mentioning they couldn’t have done it without her. The leader of the Terrible Terrors decking her in the face for her close call action before she hugged the stuffing out of her. There she was surrounded by family and was fucking blind to it. Papyrus gets a new mentor from Waterfall. The honoured Captain Undyne, the one to bring down the Waterfall Terrors at the age of 14.
Arc Time Bombed. She blew up in the Snowdin forest. Hauntingly shouting desperately Papyrus to run. To not get rewinded out of existence. He couldn’t make it. But Gerson visiting his student’s student did and threw Papyrus away out of range in time to get hit by the blast and yeah. Time rewinded for him along with the forest that grew luscious green leaves and turned old Gerson to the youthful in body yet luckily not in mind. A seven feet towering height muscular Commander of the Monsterkind that joyously laughs at his regained youth.
Flexing his muscles that he had once in his prime.
Picked up a befuddled Komi and Papyrus and head for his old friend Grillby.
Grillby: What the fuck.
Gerson and Gran Grill had a shouting match about child soldiers and what constitutes as one for Papyrus. Papyrus stand his ground in front of adults that he WILL BE A ROYAL GUARD. HE WILL LEARN TO PROTECT. Komi breaks internally.
Further breaks as the truth comes out about her father in lieu of Doggo and Alphys investigation now with the help of Undyne who has a crush on the hot and assertive passionate Alphys.
Komi didn’t know what to believe anymore.
What didn’t help was the Flowey Arc. Alphys did the same thing but this time at least she had Komi’s help. Having learned to control her rewind abilities that she knows enough to use it in occasions now to avoid the accumulation of the DT energy in her SOUL. Alphys not telling that she had tested on the King’s personal flower so holy shite. Because why would that be important? The worst part is Komi is aware of everything looping like groundhog day and the apathy grew and grew until damn she pushed away a worried Papyrus who, saw her dead dead eyelights, from her door and walked out without a word because why bother talking.
She had a gun to get from Catty and Bratty to modify into a sniping rifle and weed to pull from its roots.
Disabled Komi walking with one crutch learned to blow herself up with her unstable white magic called Bomber Snappers, modelling it after her father’s Gaster Blasters and Bratty’s head. Bomber Snappers that can sink into the ground to get the weed out of the earth and crush him to bits. Snipping for Flowey’s Flowey Omega’s eye. Before she learned to grow bones straight from the monster’s eyes and body. Giving in to her own medical knowledge that she has and been taught by good old dad to do a macabre scene of Flowy bursting with bone attacks coming from the inside.
Even her apathy twinged with regret at the sight of him screaming like the permanently 11 years old he was.
So she gave up.
Flowey’s constant repeats had actually aided Gaster’s design.
He planned for a Human’s … but this would do.
Komi’s SOUL had developed its next stage but she was falling down as a Monster.
Flowey who now can see the eerie Gaster standing in the void where he makes his RESETS. Recoils in fear and horror once he realized that he won’t be able to RESET anymore. Because’s Komi’s SOUL is overlapping his. He should’ve realized she was gaining more power in each attack, in each reset. Komi also hardly reaslising that fact as she laid on her bed. Willing her self to just shut down and die there.
But flowey who had been upset in the last few resets where Komi didn’t even bother with him nor getting up from the bed to deal with his shenanigans and murdered her friends and family before her.
Flip his lid and dragged out her melting body off the bed to meet his mother who was a stupidly good healer.
Toriel can probably heal her crumbling mind. Hopefully.
Cue Arc putting a ducktape over a depression which was the desire to be useful to others other than themselves. Komi becomes a Healer and smiles a bit. Adores, feels fond of her siblings who breaksdown Toriel’s door to get to her. Panicking about a kidnapping, traces of leaves drag marks, sludge dust and sled tracks. Flowey getting the stink eye from Papyrus.
Flowey does indeed get along with Papyrus in the coming story. Flowey calls him the most insane I don’t want to get on his bad side genius, mastermind Papyrus.
Komi having high functioning depression. Smiles, waves works as a Healer for the Underground. Give and gives. Stupidly popular which works in her favour to fulfil Toriel’s promise she made (to save the Humans that comes through. She fully supports this.) with much to Undyne eternal chargin. Because after she became a Healer, prison time for her rule breaking was limited to less than a week even then Komi was summoned to Heal in between that time all over the Underground so that was useless.
Friends but with different belief’s yes.
Doesn’t help she has the King’s ear. Oh, look is that the Judge I hear? Nah, that’s just the Healer who kinda sticks around the unseeable Judgement Chambers sealed in void. Where she can breathe just a bit and see a small shadow of her five year old Uncle sticking around waving her hello.
Her mentality is that of a glass cannon at that point. Without her friends checking on her. There would not be any pieces of her left to glue together with gold like the Kintsugi method.
Advenstures with Frisk plus friendship growing soft fluffly sweet yadda yadda. Before guilt in Frisk cause them to admit in the Judgment Chambers that they accidentally killed a Froggit initially before they came here on accident.
They RESET the Sealed Underground much to Komi’s desperate shout of No getting unheard. Warning from Flowey ringing in her mind after that weed decided the Monsterkind was worth his time. And he amazingly befriended Papyrus of all people.
Arc kick gaster’s butt after he possessed Frisk body Arc before hand it kinda overlaps , preparation for THE DAY and a bunch of quick thinking from everyone. Because luck and hope and resolve is on their side.
Komi realizing she freaking cannot die or give up if she doesn’t want Gaster to win.
Special Void room plays a crucial role.
Arc Secret Lab and DT extracter that Al(Alphys) and Dyno lover (Undnye) prepared. Komi killing her father off to save Frisk.
But goshdarn he wasn’t even dead then but just vibing in the void waiting patiently for Frisk or his daughter to determinedly desire a RESET of the world with SOUL shards floating in his centre for SOUL.
Arc, Komi tattling happening on the time loop because she is not the one to keep anything from her family anymore. Because look at where that led to. Hugged both her brothers who died in the Gaster Possession Route. Everyone in Toriel’s house. Undyne did not have the same desperate camaderie develop with Komi in the GP Route but she tries even as Komi smiles at her and calls her brave as fuck. Al is in good hands.
Undyne: I WON”T GIVE UP!
Komi the hypocrite: (Dragging a rewinded unsludgified Undyne from her Last Defence Form Away from Possesed!Frisk.) GIVING UP IS NOT WEAK! RETREATING TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY IS NOT WEAK! FIGHTING ANOTHER DAY IS MORE AWESOME THAN DYING HERE AND NOW. ALPHYS IS WATCHING YOU DUMBASS. YOU WANT HER TO SEE YOU DIE? WE NEED YOU! SHE NEEDS YOU.
Very nice heart to heart moment in Arc Secret Lab where Komi becomes bait leading Gaster away to Void Room and Undyne and Al prepares the DT extractor. Where Undyne says sorry for her loss to Komi when she remembers Doggo and Paps did not make it. It sucked.
Gerson the cool old man died in place of Undyne. Sacrficing for the youngins he says its easy. No parents wants to see their young leave them first.
Gaster; How admirable. I’ll give you an honourable death o disgraced commander.
Arc Ending. Hug an ugly crying twelve year old frisk that says they are sorry for killing people. They are having a hard time computing that Komi is a child of that bastard as what the fuck? Seriously? Frisk gets hot cocoa feels awkward bunch of already close knit individuals but was warmly welcomed only Komi giving green lit card for time travelling shenanigans and flowey’s input. Still keeping a one eye open though.
Now with Undyne entourage and proof of too specific things details by Komi. Frisk can walk too easily up to the King’s Castle. Moreso when Al and Komi whispers of things that they discovered on accident of things that would make everything so much better. Excitedly talking of possibilities. .
That leaves Frisk slightly a bit traumatized even if Komi explains the step by step process of what she plans on doing with their help.
Arc Komi in a coma again collapsing in front of spooked Frisk. Papyrus breezing through citing not too worry. This happens all the time. Very much aware of his trembling phalanges and arms. Doggo at his side helping to calm both of them. With all cast members in place.
It ends here.
(There is so much more I skipped over or summarized too much)
Next series starts with
Komi in a court before a Human Judge, accused of aiding her Father with criminal activities as a minor
Komi: What?
Arc evil side villains tries to ambush and attack the gang in Arc Ending. Failed but Doggo earns a new cool scar over his eye that was ruined gauge out. Then he got a cyberkinetic one which is cool asf.
Witches that waited for generation for the power of the Ebbot Island Seal to be theirs was shattered and they cursed to the sky for the one that did it. Cough Komi RUN cough. Government approaching the site with a bat to whack the witches away and welcome new neighbours cause holy muffins 500 years of residents in their land. Well ahem, natives hidden away sealed underground land.
Military Commander having tea with Queen Toriel as Asgore is stuck in a political prison of a Royal House Arrest. Parliament in session. Organizing a group of Humans to intergrate into the Underground and bringing some Monsters up to intergrate on the Surface of Ebbot Island. New Act was pass to accept the Underground residents as recognized citizens and free rehoming will be given.
Komi wakes up 3 months after all that happens.
In a random ass human hospital.
When it rains and thunders.
And she hides under the bed thinking it was a cave in shouting about an earthquake. Yeap.
Okay I should stop. Surface story is another long tangent I’ll get into later or whenever. It is 17 pages already and close to 3 am damnn.
Bestie. how are you? I hope your fine. I realize your busy and I don’t want to be selfish but pleaseeeeee can you write another human Lucien and fae Elain fic I read that yesterday night and I loved it so much. No pressure though, thank you.
Hi anon!
I wanted to answer this because it lets me update EVERYONE. As we all know, ya girl is BEHIND. I did exactly nothing over the last week and now am playing an elaborate game of catchup.
For January, A Christmas Prince & No One Likes A Mad Woman will be finishing (YAY), ideally this week but NOLAMW is probably next if I'm being honest with myself. I'm like, 10 pages away from finishing and so much still needs to happen.
January should also see IKP conclude which leaves Exile, my sweet toxic baby. I have some WIPs that I'm interested in putting into the world, MAYBE in a particular order? Like, for example, how badly to people want to see Evil Elain again IF she's in a Star Wars AU? There is also more toxic Elucien in Spring Court (Fae Lucien/Human Elain sorry anon!).
And there is the modern AU of teenage pregnancy Elucien where he doesn't know and she never tells him and they reconnect later on.
I think if I were going to write human Lucien/Fae Elain, it would happen later in the year and I don't know if i would be more than a one-shot. Maybe a long one shot? We could rearrange depending if people were like, really passionate about something.
On their way out of the bar and to the Astravars, Illidan can’t help with turning to look behind his shoulder, wide-eyed; Silgryn Stareye’s figure going smaller and ever so still, a calm yet resolute look narrowing his lavender face before he disappears completely behind the cerulean trees of Suramar’s outskirts.
His breath catches between his teeth as he turns to face the road. Just what on Elune’s sake did he agree on?
I mean, logically, we know that stories are eternal. They begin before the first page and go on long after the last. We’re only putting words to certain parts, and usually that’s for a reason.
There’s a couple reasons that I can think of that would cause something to be labelled as having “too much plot.”
1. It’s beating a dead horse: Think about a season in a TV show. There are the stories that happen in each individual episode, there are character arcs throughout the entire story, and there are story arcs that go throughout the season. Sometimes, there are even story arcs that go throughout the entire show. But also think about this- each time a villain gets defeated at the end of the season, and a new season gets approved due to the show’s popularity, the show makers have to come up with a better villain, with more at stake than ever before. just to keep things interesting. Your story is the same way. At some point, a resolution has to remain a resolution. Are you renewing too many seasons?
This just means that the creators are dragging it on past where they probably should have. This I find is quite often done for commercial purposes- the story is popular, producing new content brings in more material for people to consume, consumerism = profit. The end of a story is sort of a big moment. Most writers know when it is occurring. I know it’s hard to let go sometimes, but it’s disrespectful to the story to push it on and on.
2. The balance is off. Aka, the more common and less problematic- obviously, it’s still a problem to have too much plot, but the beating-a-dead-horse thing requires a level of intent, while problems like balance are a natural part of the writing process, like struggling with word choice or characters.
So what are we balancing, and how might it be off?
Well, lots of things. That’s why it’s so easy to get thrown off. Writers have a lot to juggle overall, and plot is not a small thing to keep track of. The plot has to relate to characters, to the pace, to the length, and to itself.
Plot v. Pace: This is one of the most common balance problems. Pacing is a pretty common struggle on it’s own, and often that is because of it’s relationship with plot. If there is too much going on, the pace could be going way too fast for the reader to keep up. Or, if the pace is too fast, you move through the entire plot too fast, and end up with a must shorter work than anticipated. The pace could also be too slow, with not enough going on at all, but that’s closer to Not Enough Plot. (If you are having trouble with your plot, try to connect specific events in your story to the Hero’s Journey and find out what elements you might be missing that might help you.)
Plot v. Character: Another way in which a story could have “too much plot” is by over-layering it with Character Arcs. Your main characters definitely need to have arcs, that’s a given. But as you go down the ladder, it gets a little confusing sometimes. There is a layer of characters that could probably merit a reduced arc, but that’s going to be very few, and in the end, not every character needs an arc. If you give every character an arc, things will go on and on for the reader, and honestly, readers aren’t even going to like every character, so if they’re only really interested in a few, then the rest of those arcs are wasted page space to them. Not to mention the difficulty on the writer- it’s incredibly difficult to keep track of all those arcs, how they interact with each other, and how they interact with the narrative as a whole.
Plot v. Length: This is really sort of a subset of Plot v. Pace. Rushing through the plot you have laid out can make a short work. Taking way too much time stretching out the plot makes it long but full of unnecessary word space. Or, you could be rushing through a lot of plot, making a long word count that is so active, it gives the reader a headache. You may also need to ask yourself if you are bordering onto the Dead Horse’s territory at some point.
3. There is no conflict, or too many conflicts: This can also happen a lot when you have too many characters or too many arcs. As far as external plot, there is usually an outside conflict. And if each individual character with an arc also has an internal conflict, then things become confusing. What’s the real antagonist? How will we know when they’ve been defeated? Compare to the TV example above. What is the season’s overarching plot? You can have different things going on, the other episodes, but if you can’t sort out the overarching conflict from the rest, you have a Too Much Plot problem.
My short answer is that yes, “too much plot” is a thing, and there are a couple of different causes, definitely more than I listed. One consistent tip that I have read from other writers and bloggers is to find someone who isn’t a reader or a writer and try to explain the plot to them as quickly as possible. If they get confused, you might have a plot problem.
These articles also have some great viewpoints, examples, and questions to use to help you determine if you have too much plot going on and what to do about it.
7 Ways to Tell If You Have Too Much Plot in Your Story
8 Practical Tips to Avoid Too Much Plot in Your Novel
Too Much of a Good Thing: Overplotting Your Novel
Again, yes there is. But if you diagnose the cause, you can usually sort it out. If you aren’t sure yourself, it only takes a little outside perspective to determine the answer. If you yourself are worried about overplotting, it’s probably smart to double check your story. I’m not saying it’s likely that there is a problem, but it’s okay to follow your instincts. It may just be a little bit of writer’s paranoia, but if one more look reassures you, then take it.
