Social Lives Online: Are We More Alone Or More Connected?
We live in a world where everybody you know is connected in one way or another. We have the comfort of knowing that social media lets us communicate with people on the other side of the globe, build support groups, and give voices to those who have none. However, social media is often cited as the reason why we feel more alone. In his article “Social Networking Is Making Us Less Social”, author Atanu Roy explains that “we are forgetting the value of face-to-face interactions to create more important and sustainable relationships. If we continue to be constantly plugged into the virtual world, then we will miss out all the wonderful things happening right before our eyes.” https://www.todayonline.com/voices/social-networking-making-us-less-social
Once there was a time, long, long ago...called the 70′s. According to my mother, this was a time where social interactions for kids were calling people on the phone, meeting up, hanging out, talking and comparing roller skates. People understood the need for good conversation skills, eye contact, turn-taking and negotiations. People had REAL social interactions. Sure they experienced periods of time “alone” but with that time they could read, draw, listen to music and just do whatever. These same activities are deemed as “mindfulness exercises” and need to be carefully planned for and scheduled. What was once a way to pass the time is now promoted as “self care” in an age where our minds are constantly going because they are connected to some device or another.
Fast forward to 2020. People are never alone “online”. With a swipe or a tap they can immediately contact people for a chat. The depth and social benefit of that chat is questionable at best. Most of these communications are superficial, quick and easy. They require minimal effort and not a lot of time. Take those communications off line and watch to see how people fare. Social skills are weak, eye contact is poor, and true interactions are rare. And don’t even mention their lack of attention span. Everyone is more comfortable being alone in a physical sense but connected in a digital bubble.
So if it’s easy to always be connected, why do people feel alone?
According to Marshall McLuhan, all media constructs reality. You may chat online with your friend, but the words you exchange are often less meaningful and more difficult to interpret true meaning in comparison to face to face, spoken word interactions. In a tragic case of irony, that excessive use of a platform designed for social interaction is causing some people to feel more isolated than ever. There are many reasons for this.The online presence of others and the belief that people gain more social interaction by chatting to each other through social media is what reinforces people to spend more time interacting online than in the real world. As a result, it becomes impossible to connect on deeper levels with the people we talk to, which in turn leads to some of us not feeling seen or heard.
Using social media is actually the opposite of a cure for loneliness. However, most people cannot grasp this unless they make the choice to unplug and understand what they truly enjoy, which takes time and effort.
I don’t have any social media accounts, aside from the one I’m currently using for school. (I created this blog two years ago for another media project, and afterwards I almost never posted anything on it.) I have 11 followers, none of whom I know or care about. People think I’m alone because I’m not connected in the hypersensitive world of social media. I don’t want to gain a false sense of joy when my fourth grade teacher likes my photo of fireworks. I prefer talking to my friends face-to-face instead of showing a photo that waters down what happened. I won’t lie—my lack of accounts is somewhat hindering the interactions I have. At lunch, when my friends are bored, they’ll “talk” to each other on social media. Their fingers will speak for them, and they’ll fully engage in a conversation about memes or a photo they took of themselves . This is treated like a conversation because they feel as if they have just connected. I feel a twinge of loneliness inside.
So, am I left with no other choice then to join the masses on social media in order to feel connected? Or will taking this step result in me feeling like I’m now part of this new, exclusive network where the quality of the connections is measured in likes, comments and shared messages rather than the face to face interactions I value most?