#topic13

[bitalks]

BiTalks Topic #13

What are your first memories of being attracted to someone? To people of different genders?

I had both male and female crushes as far back as I can remember.  I remember liking a few girls in dance class, two girls from Girl Scouts, my dance teacher, and probably a few others.  Up until middle school, however, I didn’t realize that the feelings I had for girls were actually crushes - I thought I just really wanted to be their friend, basically.  I was young enough to not really think about sexual attraction, so my feelings of ‘oh hey she’s really pretty and I want to be close to her’ were very similar to what I thought of as friendship.  I didn’t realize I could actually have crushes on people of the same gender as me, because my parents hadn’t talked about non-straight sexualities at all until I was in middle school.  Looking back, I realize that these feelings for girls were crushes.  

Tell us about your attraction to people of different genders.  Is it the same? Different?  If so, how?

I have a bit of a preference for girls.  Other than that, it’s basically similar - my sexual and romantic preferences are the same.  

Which traits do you find attractive in different people?

As far as guys go, I do have a bit of a type - tall, dark-haired guys are usually most attractive to me.  I don’t really have physical preferences when it comes to girls and nonbinary people, to be honest.  And then, of course, there are things that I find attractive no matter the gender (tattoos, colorful hair, green eyes, etc.)  

Do you use any labels other than bi to describe the types of attraction you experience?

I’m comfortable referring to myself as queer.  If somebody called me pansexual I probably wouldn’t correct them, either, since my orientation could technically fall under both the bisexual and pansexual umbrellas.  Most of the time I just use bi, though.  

How awesome is it to be attracted to so many different people? ;)

I can’t imagine being any other way, really.  I know there are a lot of problems we bi people face in terms of representation and stereotypes and stuff, but being bi is a part of me that I wouldn’t change.  

[bitalks]

Bitalks Topic#13: Bi Attraction Spectrum

What are you first memories of being attracted to someone? To people of different genders?

I think i was in kindergarten when i had my first crush on a boy and i had a crush in like more 4 boys till sixth grade and then i had my first crush on a girl, that was from my class and barely talked to me, i remember thinking she was really beautiful and really wanting to talk to her but i was shy about my crushes so i didnt try that as much as i wanted with any of them.

Tell us about your attraction to people of different genders. Is it the same? Different? If so, how?

I think my attraction is a little complicated (both sexual and romantic), i think it kind of changes at times, but right now i would say im a little more attracted sexually to girls than other genders, but its not a huge difference. And romantically i feel inclined to have a relationship with girls/non-binary.

Which traits do you find attracted in different people?

In relation to boys im generally more attracted to boys with more feminine traits, but sometimes is not the case. Im not very specific about these things, i always find everyone beautiful lmao. I just like people who can talk about everything and have open minds.

Do you use any labels other than bi to describe the types of attraction you experience?

Yes. I like queer a lot and i identify with it almost in the same level as bi, it makes me feel safe and like im including all of my types of attraction and nuances i have (i feel like are a lot). And also im in the process of discovering if demi/grey ace fits somewhere in my identity, because i feel like im somewhere in the ace spectrum too, i just don’t quite know where yet.

[bitalks]

I figured why not

What are you first memories of being attracted to someone? To people of different genders?

The first time I was really attracted to someone was probably 6th grade, on a boy. However, I also had crushes on girls and female celebrities. I didn’t understand that they were more than the “Holy crap that person’s really cool and I wanna be friends with them” types of crushes until later, about 8th grade.

Tell us about your attraction to people of different genders. Is it the same? Different? If so, how?

It’s pretty similar, I’d say. I’m on the ace spectrum, so I really only want cuddly stuff from people. I’d say I’m initially attracted to different genders pretty equally, but I tend to have more crushes and romantic feelings for girls.

Which traits do you find attracted in different people?

I really like red headed girls, as well as really tall girls. I tend to get really overwhelmed by good looking people in general.

Do you use any labels other than bi to describe the types of attraction you experience?

I tend to use queer a lot around people who are comfortable with me using it.

How awesome is it to be attracted to be attracted to so many different people? ;)

It’s pretty rad. (Until you develop a crush on a straight person of your gender and you die a little inside)

[waterfalls-in-space]

BiTalks Attraction Experiences

What are you first memories of being attracted to someone? To people of different genders? I didn't realize it at the time, but in elementary school I had a crush on my best friend, also a girl. We were inseparable, and also each other's emotional anchors. We were both from abusive (in different ways) households and attended a dysfunctional Catholic school where a lot of horrible stuff happened. We basically lived in a fantasy world of our own creation, acting out elaborate stories to escape our daily life. Sometimes we would have minor fallings out and she would turn her back on me and hang out with other classmates, and I would be crushed. I really worshipped her, and when she left to go live with her mother several hours away my world fell apart. It was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. I don't think there was a sexual component to it at the time, but I could totally see one eventually developing as we got older. I wasn't attracted to anyone else for a while, and the next person I had a crush on was a boy at the school I transferred to after my friend left. I was mainly into boys after that, but there continued to be occasional girls I emotionally bonded with, and others that I would admire without really realizing my attraction to them. I didn't experience deep undeniable sexual attraction to a girl until I was in college. Because of my upbringing and fear of repercussions, I buried it and it never went anywhere. From then on whatever feelings of attraction I may have had towards same gender people got sublimated into other avenues of expression like deep emotional attachments and intensely devoted friendship. This is something I only realized about myself in the last year when I started actively exploring my bisexuality. Tell us about your attraction to people of different genders. Is it the same? Different? If so, how? Which traits do you find attractive in different people? This is something I'm still working out for myself. My only experience is with cisgender people, and who I am attracted to has evolved a lot over my lifetime. When I was a teenager, I was into heavy metal/thrash music and was pretty much only attracted to guys with long hair and who wore the typical stoner/thrasher "uniform" of the late 80s/early 90s. By college I had moved away from this community and was more of a deadhead, and my experience of attraction started to change as well. I was still into long-haired guys and people who presented as "alternative." The first girl I was sexually attracted to also fit this style and was a magnificent redhead, and she was also intelligent, witty, and sarcastic. I'm not sure my attraction to different genders is very different, but I think I tend to have more attraction to women based on emotional connection, and with men it's more visceral. How awesome is it to be attracted to so many different people? It's pretty awesome, but I'm currently married (to a cisgender man) and only just appreciating people from afar. My husband and I do like to compare notes on women we find hot, though, which is fun.

[bitalks]

Bitalks Topic#13: Bi Attraction Spectrum

What are you first memories of being attracted to someone? To people of different genders?

I do vaguely remember having crushes on different boys during kindergarten and primary school. To be precise I had a lot of crushes and they changed back and forth but nothing serious. All of them were very popular males. With 12 (I think) I had my first crush on a female. She was androgynous and I didn’t know her gender at first, but it didn’t bother me. After that I continued to fall for males only, until I was 17 but most of them had a feminine side. The 17 then I really fell in love with a female for the first time.

Tell us about your attraction to people of different genders. Is it the same? Different? If so, how?

So far I have only had relationships and sexual experience with males, but I would say that the emotional attraction to females is higher. I am right now in love with a (sadly for me) straight female and have been so for over two years now. The kind of commitment and attachment I feel towards a female, I have never felt towards a male. On the other hand, as a shy person I am even more afraid of flirting with females then with males. Maybe because I have more experience with them, I don’t know. Sadly I have yet to meet non-binary people.

Which traits do you find attracted in different people?

I noticed I like androgyny, for me its most beautiful. However I’m also attracted to skinny and tall males, as well as smaller and more massive ones. For the females I do prefer androgynous or rather masculine ones. Most important to me is the emotional connection. I need months to warm up to somebody and to fully trust them.

Do you use any labels other than bi to describe the types of attraction you experience?

I do believe that pansexual would be quite fitting, but I just don’t feel comfortable identifying as such.

How awesome is it to be attracted to be attracted to so many different people? ;)

It’s literally amazing! It’s freedom, at least for me. I can’t even begin to understand how it would be to be attracted to e.g. only binary males. =)