#toself

[lebensmoode]

Pengen dicintai.

Sekalinya ada yang mencintai, ngerasa gak layak. Gak nyata. Takut cuma mimpi. Cuma sementara.

Alah tay hidup aja di gorong²

:(

[fatphobia-is-stupid]

Using a calorie counter...Mainly to myself not really anyone else. 😅 7/9/25

So, past binger here who is still trying to keep it at bay. With this eating disorder I have had it for a long time, and it became more prominent when I was in High School. Had a lot of stressors along with a shit ton of emotions that could not be expressed freely. Had a little bit of a spicy childhood along with being in the low socio-economic class with a single parent.

So, This post is pertaining to calorie counting app. (My Fitness Pal) I have had an off and on relationship with this site/app, because when I first started it was in 2011, and I did well to be consistent though had no idea with what the hell I was doing... Then reup it in 2017 when I began keto and have somewhat dealt with the mental bs that I neglected to confront. Dropped again then picked up 2019...This pattern was a non consistent, and it could be that due to not tackling my mental bs I got triggered often.

So, yes I am reupping it once again, and kinda intimidated by it. Pretty much unsure with how I will be tackling it now. I have tackled alot of my mental bs, figuring out my traumas, dealt with loss of my mom, and now am in a more settled situation. As for vaping have stopped since oct 24', and been better to not just keep eating an abundance of sweets. Because when you quit you tend to have a fixation on something else, so you don't go back to nicotine or smoking.

So, this is a post mainly to myself on I got this and will treat it as just a tool and not a lifeline like I did in the past. I will still intuitive eat and just enjoy eating without stress, and eat more veggies while drinking lots of water as per usual. So, I will not stress on consistence if I miss a day or so. lol