Discover Top Posts Tagged with #tower of learning

Nov 27, 2013

Tower of Learning: II

You can read it here, under the cut, or you can read it on FF, by clicking here. Thank you for all the wonderful comments and feedback and...it really was amazing that you guys responded to this the way you did. Here's a second part, with maybe a little more at the end for you.

I'm not sure if I'll continue...Definitely something to explore.

happy reading tc

......

.....

“Where are we going?” Maura wraps her tiny arms around Jane’s neck more securely, and peers around her head, pressing her small cheek against Jane’s, her breath coming in excited puffs.

“Where are we going, Pippin?”

Jane smiles, and bounces a little to keep the child in the right position on her back.

“We’re going to fly a kite,” she says, “and good job remembering my new name, bug.”

Maura kicks her legs out excitedly. “A kite?” she cries, “from where? Where did you find one? You don’t have it now…are we going to get it?”

Maura is so excited that Jane nearly loses her balance, but she doesn’t care. It’s worth it to hear how happy the kid is.

“You’ll see. Hey, stop wiggling or I’ll drop you.”

“I’ll try,” Maura says breathlessly, “I am very excited though, Jane. Pippin. Sorry.”

They come to a street crossing, and Jane drops Maura to the ground, reaching around to take her hand. “It’s okay,” she says, directing Maura’s attention to the blinking hand that says they can’t cross. “It’s mostly just at The Home that you have to remember. You can call me Jane when it’s just the two of us.”

Maura nods absently, all her attention focused on the crossing signal. She grips Jane’s hand and swings it idly, waiting.

She’d made the name changing a game. She is unable to put words to the feeling that arises when some kid or another makes fun of her using her name.

Jane is such a faggot

No one’s ever going to want you, Jane.

Plain, Jane.

Stain, Jane

Lame Jane.

She was unsure if that last one made her angrier because of the malice behind it, or because it didn’t actually rhyme.

So she’d given herself a new name, and then, when they moved her, a new one. Over and over she recreated herself, and when the other kids made fun of Tag, it didn’t pierce the inside of her quiet as hard. When Neen was a faggot, Jane was still safe, untouched.

So when Maura had come along, Jane had taught her the trick under the pretense of a game. She wanted to spare those bright hopeful eyes any sort of struggle and pain. She wanted to keep the little soul that lived inside Maura as untouched and clean as possible.

“Janie! Look! The man’s here!” Maura pulls on her arm happily, pointing at the changed crossing signal, and Jane smiles down at her.

“So, what do we still have to do?” She asks. She’d been behind a mother and daughter once at a crossing, and she’d seen the mother act just this way. She’d brought the knowledge back to Maura...just another way to keep the child ready for family life.

“Look both ways!” Maura cries, exaggerating her head movements as she checks for cars. When it is apparent that no vehicle is going to run the light and strike them down, Jane allows herself to be led across the street and towards the park.

“Kite, kite, kite, kite,” Maura is singing, to the tune of ‘The Ants Go Marching’ and Jane grins and hums along with her, trying to keep away the fear that maybe she is setting the little girl up for disappointment. True, she’d seen the kite get stuck in the tree. True, she’d seen the boys throw rocks and sticks and shoes at it, trying to knock it down, all unsuccessful. They’d then resorted to kicking and punching at each other, each yelling that the other one was to blame. And then (and isn’t that always the way with spoiled rich kids) they’d lost interest, and wandered away.

But they could have returned, Jane thinks as they near the entrance to the park, and Maura tugs on her sleeve, asking to ride on her back again. The tree that was holding their kite prisoner was full of branches and did not look difficult to climb. They could have come back with an older sibling and retrieved the kite from the tree this morning. Or they could have done it themselves.

“Oh, Jay Jay I’m so excited,” Maura squeals in her ear.

Jane takes a deep breath. The next corner will reveal the tree. With Maura bouncing excitedly on her back, she speeds up and rounds the corner. She takes a deep breath and looks up.

Yes.

There it is, blue and gold and blowing in the wind, still caught in the upper most branches of the tree in the middle of the park. Jane feels like crying, and then she feels like laughing, and then, more strongly than the other two emotions, she feels like howling.

So she does, a long dog cry to the sunny Saturday morning. And on her back, caught up in her protector’s sudden joy, Maura howls too, a light, high pitched sound that blends with Jane’s deep voice, and when they get to the park, Jane sets Maura down and they start to run.

Jane still howling, and Maura laughing and running behind her, trying to keep up, and it is Saturday and they are the kings of the city.

They are exultant.

Jane hadn’t meant to take Maura under her wing. She’d been in the system since she could remember, and she found that looking out for herself was tough enough in itself. A string of bad luck and mean people made her distrustful and wary, so when she descended the stairs that morning to find a clump of kids, all crowded around something, she hadn’t paid much attention.

New toys went to the younger kids, Jane didn’t care, and the clothes that came in never fit, so she didn’t want them.

But as she’d passed by the group of kids, she’d noticed that the form they were all huddled around was…moving.

“Hey, hey, hey kid. What’s your name, kid? Where you from, kid?” One little boy, close enough to the form was poking it with his index finger and Jane had realized, with a jolt, that this was child. A new addition to The Home.

“Look at her hair,” another little girl drawled, pulling on one blonde lock within reach. “Goldilocks. Is that your name?”

Jane was eight. One of the oldest, and she’d pushed her way to the middle of the group before she really knew what she was doing.

“Lay off,” she’d said, shoving the closest boy hard enough to show the others she meant business.

“New Kid, Trigger,” the boy had said, rubbing his shoulder. “We didn’t mean anything by it.”

She’d made her face as hostile as she could. “And I won’t mean anything by my fist in your throat if you don’t clear out.”

The group had dissipated quickly then, and Jane had turned to the child, a little girl, knees pulled up to her chin and hands over her eyes.

She’d knelt down and studied her for a moment. She was small then, even for three, with pale skin and perfect blonde ringlets. Jane had found it odd that such a child, one so pretty and young, still bursting with potential, should end up here, in the throw away bin.

“Hey,” she’d said quietly, reached out to pull the little girl’s hands away from her face. “Hey...are you okay?”

Wide green eyes stared up at her, scared and confused. Disoriented. Jane had tried a smile, which felt weird and uncomfortable on her face. The girl had not reciprocated.

“Did those other kids scare you?”

No response.

Jane sat back on her heels, pulling her hand away from the girl’s, and the green eyes had followed her every movement.

“I’m Jane,” She’d smiled again. “I’m sorry those other kids scared you. They’re not so bad...well, not most of them anyway. They’re just loud. You don’t have anything to be afraid of.”

The eyes blinked and filled up with tears, and Jane had felt something in her chest tighten. She’d been this age once. Everything had seemed scary and large and too bright.

No one had helped her.

“Hey,” Jane had held out her arms tentatively, and immediately the little girl had scrambled forward, settling in.

Jane made her mind up right then. “Don’t worry,” she’d said fiercely.

“I’ll look after you.”

At first, Jane thinks she won’t be able to get the kite into the air. Maura watches her with bright, expectant eyes, as she runs back and forth, trailing the kite behind her. She thinks she might not get it up, but she puts on a burst of speed, and she thinks please please please and to her utter amazement, the kite rises up. It is ten feet off the ground, fifteen, twenty, and Maura’s shrieks with delight, and comes running to where Jane stands.

“I knew you could, I knew you could!” she cries, and Jane smiles through her panting, and hands the little girl the string so she can feel the way the kite weaves and tugs and weaves and tugs at its tether.

Maura is six years old today. It is the age Jane was when she realized that she would be very, very lucky to get adopted.

“You did it, Jane!”

Jane grins, “Of course I did,” she says. “Good birthday present?”

Maura blinks up at the kite, sparkling against the sky. “The best,” she says quietly.

“There’s more,” Jane replies. “When we get back.”

“Is it a teddy? Did you get me a teddy, Jane?”

Jane pretends to look disinterested, “I dunno, I guess you’re going to have to wait and see.” She looks across the park to where a group of kids and adults have all gathered around a picnic table, laughing and jostling.

“You want…something to eat?” she asks, eyeing the party.

“Yes,” Maura says, because Jane has taught her that pretending not to be hungry will get her killed.

“Okay,” she says, glancing up at the kite again, steeling herself. “I’ll be right back.”

……

“Hey mister how much for these things?”

“The bear is ten, the coat is seven and those little shoes…I’ll give ‘em to you for five.”

“Ten for the bear? It’s second hand!”

“It’s still got the tag on it, kid. It could be sold at the store for nineteen ninety nine.”

“I’ve only got fifteen.”

“Then I guess you’re gonna have to put something back, aren’t ya?”

“Will the coat go on sale?”

“It’s September, kid…the coat’s gonna get more expensive.”

“Can you hold it for me?”

“Does this look like Macy’s to you?”

“…I need all three.”

“Then you need to give me twenty two dollars.”

“…Okay…I…just the bear and the shoes then…Thanks…”

“Hey, kid.”

“yeah?”

“You come in with that little blonde girl the other week…that was you?”

“Yeah. That was me.”

“The bear and the shoes…for her?”

“Yes, sir.”

“…I can’t give you that coat for free. Is that all you got to wear this winter?”

“I got another sweater to go on top of this one.”

“Shit…look…try the consignment down on the back end of Boylston. They got cheap coats…your size and the little kid’s size too.”

“Thanks…I’ll take a look.”

“Kid!”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna buy her somethin bigger than she needs now. So she’s got some room to grow in it…alright?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“How old are you? What’s your name?”

“J.J., sir. I’m..uh…ten.”

“Ten? Shit…Look I can’t give you the coat for free.”

“I know, sir. I’ll try Boylston.”

“Ten…look, you get a little older, then you come and you ask me for a job. Okay?”

“A job? Yes, sir! Thank you.”

“Twelve, J.J…Thirteen. And not during school hours.”

“Okay! Okay I will! Thank you!”

“Try Boylston!”

……

She follows them.

She’s leaning against the side of the building, watching couples go in and out, judging them by the cars they drive up in, or if the man helps the woman out of the cab when it stops out front. But this couple is not dropped off by a cab, but a dark unmarked car, whose driver springs out and jogs around to open the back door. Jane watches as the man and woman step out and onto the curb, watches as the woman pulls her coat tight around her, and then takes the man’s proffered forearm. She holds her breath and crosses her fingers, and a moment later they are walking towards her, walking up to her building.

The woman smiles at her, and Jane takes a deep breath.

“Spare some change, ma’am?”

The woman stops to look at her, brow creasing as she takes in Jane’s torn jeans and tangled hair. The man has continued a few steps on, and now he looks back at his wife.

“Connie?” he asks.

“Richard,” she says, beckoning him back without taking her eyes off Jane. “Richard come here,” He walks back to them, and she reaches into his breast pocket, pulling out his wallet.

“Oh,” he says disapprovingly, “Constance, don’t-”

But the woman shushes him and pulls out a clean crisp fifty dollar bill.

“Here,” she says, holding it out, and Jane looks behind her, sure that she’s just accidentally walked into the middle of a business deal. “Constance,” the man sounds disgruntled, “don’t…she wouldn’t even know what to-”

But Constance puts her hand up and he falls silent.

“This is for you, girl,” she says more firmly. “The whole thing. Take it.”

Jane stares at it a moment longer before reaching out and taking it, making sure her dirty fingernails do not come in contact with the woman’s perfectly manicured ones.

Constance seems satisfied, and she turns back to her husband, who gestures her forward, and holds the door to the office open for her.

“Honestly,” he says, though he sounds more affectionate than cross, “we’d better find you a child soon, or you’ll abduct one off the streets. I’m not sure that was wise, Connie…”

The door swings shut on them and Jane stares at the money in her hand.

It all seems much too good to be true. That this family should be looking for a child, that they should choose this Boston office to inquire about one.

Jane shoves the money deep into the pocket of her jeans that does not contain a hole, and then she pulls the manila folder out from the back of her pants and holds it up in front of her.

For a moment, she thinks of the Petersons, and her vision gets blurry with tears of anger. She pushes them away.

That had been a mistake. Choosing them had been a mistake, and she wouldn’t make it again. For a moment, all she can think of is the way it had felt when Maura had told her what was happening, and the hard, seething, tidal wave of anger that she’d worked hard to keep at bay as she leaned down to the little girl and said, I’m coming for you…tonight.

It had been a mistake, but she could learn from it…she had learned from it. So she moves off, away from the office door and around the corner, and when she sees the man and woman, Constance and Richard come out of the building, her arms tight around a little stack of manila folders, she follows them.

“Ma’am,” she calls, holding Maura’s out in front of her, “Excuse me, ma’am!” Only when she is close enough to reach out and grab the man’s coat does the couple turn around to look at her.

She holds out Maura’s folder, and she knows that it will be the last time she ever has to do it. This is the one that will stick.

“I’m sorry,” she says, holding the folder out to the woman.

“You dropped this.”

……

“Jane!”

“Shhh.”

“Jane, Jane…Jane.”

“I’m here. I got you. You’re okay.”

“How did you find me? How did you get here? Jane? Where did you come from?”

“They have us split by age…so I’m upstairs with the teenagers and- OW.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine. Just don’t press there.”

“You are hurt…what happened?”

“Nothing that you have to worry about. I took care of it. Are you okay?”

“I’m scared. I was scared. Can you stay with me?”

“Yes.”

“Is it allowed?”

“I don’t really care.”

“Okay…Jane?”

“Mmm.”

“Who am I?”

“You’re Maura. You’re Maura, and you’re a good, smart, bright kid, okay?”

“No...”

“Yes! I keep telling you that just because that fucking bastard of a-”

“No…I mean here. Who am I here, Jane? Who are you?”

“Oh…um…You’re Pointdexter…I’m…I’m Tag.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay…Jane?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to be here a long, long time?”

“No. You’re not. I’m gonna find you the best place. You’ll see.”

“You too, right?”

“…Yeah. Go to sleep.”

“I love you, Jane.”

“…Go to sleep, Maur.”

……

“Earth to Jane? Earth to Jane Rizzoli…”

“Huh?” Jane turns towards the voice, and is greeted by the half playful, half concerned eyes of Gabby Vega.

“Woah, you were really gone there for a second, Jane,” she says, leaning towards concerned, “where’d you go?”

Where had she gone? She looks down and surprised for a moment to see the sign she’s holding. Lazy Dog Books. “I…was just remembering this place…before we bought it.”

“Yeah? You knew Lazy Dog Books well?”

Jane smiles, “I knew the guy who owned it. Before a bookstore it was a pawn shop…then when the neighborhood changed, he chose to change too, rather than leave.”

“Where is he now?” Gabby asks, coming to stand next to Jane and look down at the sign too.

“He died,” Jane says quietly, “a while ago…When I saw this place was up for sale, I just thought…you know…”

“Why not add to your already hectic life as a detective and take on the task of building a children’s home?” Gabby jokes, but seeing that the usually game detective doesn’t crack a smile, she sobers again.

“You know…we’ve been working on this project for five years now. I see more of you than I do my husband, and yet I feel like I don’t know you at all.”

Jane shrugs, setting the sign down, and turning towards the little building, her children’s home. A place where kids will feel safe and warm and full. A place where no one will be scared.

“What do you want to know?” she asks now, “You know I was a system kid.”

“Yeah…but your mothers and brothers…they’re biological right?”

Jane nods, sighing, “Yeah…Ma gave me up when she had me…she was just a kid. Then she came looking for me when she was stable. I was nearly aged out by then…”

“Shit,” Gabby says, and Jane nods. It’s one of the things she likes about Gabby: She can give the factual information on something, and the woman will hear the emotional current underneath. It’s the reason Jane hired her to be the director of the Essex Street Children’s Home in the first place.

“So…I’ll save the sign, yeah?”

No. It’s stupid to save the sign. It’s stupid to hold onto the past. It’s stupid to hold onto something that isn’t holding onto her anymore.

Someone.

“Jane?”

“Nah…you don’t have to. You can throw it…I guess.”

Gabby is silent for a time, watching the detective, and Jane can feel her sharp eyes on the back of her head, reading her.

“It means something special to you?”

Jane turns back, rolling her shoulders. “Girl I used to know…we came up together…she was a little younger and I…watched out for her, I guess.”

“The terrible Jane Rizzoli had a soft spot? Be still my heart.”

Jane rolls her eyes, but continues. “I told her if she ever got in trouble…she could come here, and Hector, that was the guy’s name. He would take care of her til I came.”

“She never showed up?”

“She was adopted by a really nice, really rich couple…I guess she was never in trouble.”

Gabby picks up the sign, looking hard at it for a moment before saying.

“We’ll keep it. It has a good message,” she tilts the sign to Jane again.

“Not all who wonder are lost.”

…

“Say ma’am and sir when you talk to them.”

“Okay, Jane.”

“Don’t fidget.”

“Okay, Jane.”

“Look them in the eye…and smile.”

“Okay, Jane!”

“Don’t giggle, Maura this is serious. These people are here just for you!”

“How do you know?”

“I just…I just know.”

“How?”

“I…heard them talking. Look, Maura…I…I’m gonna…I really…”

“I’ll have my meeting and be right back, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

“…yeah. Yeah…okay.”

“Bye, Jane.”

“…Bye.”

……

The text from Gabby came twenty minutes ago, and she still can’t make her heart stop racing.

Just put a blonde, immaculately dressed woman in a cab to your location…Definitely from out of town…definitely recognized the sign.

Jane can hear herself yelling at Tom, can hear his grudging tone giving into her demands…but her mind is a million miles away.

It can’t be.

It’ can’t be, can it?

She tries to remain calm. She tries to go about her business as though it is just another day. It is just another day. The woman who arrives to see her will be a prospective parent…a woman looking to adopt a child and no one else.

It will not be Maura Doyle…Isles. Isles?

Doesn’t matter. Jane shakes herself. It won’t be her.

She’d googled Maura Isles a while ago, her curiosity getting the better of her one night after a particularly hard case that had revolved around the murder of three innocent children.

She’d found her, or rather, an article she’d written for London Science Publishing that had been featured. So Jane knew she was successful, and brilliant, and okay.

“She’s okay,” she remembers telling her dog that night, reaching for her beer and flopping back onto her couch. “She’s okay.”

Now, she sees Tom turn away from her, still looking grumpy, and she turns too, determined to go back to the precinct and get on with her day…

And there she is.

Maura is standing there, on the curb, looking at her with wide, amazed, green eyes, her mouth slightly ajar. She’s dressed in a pair of pants, and a blouse that look more expensive than Jane ever imagined clothes could be. They stare at each other, and Maura’s eyes well up with tears, slowly, slowly, until they spill over onto her cheeks.

She makes a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh, she’s smiling and staring at Jane and crying…but neither of them move.

Is Jane smiling? Her entire face seems to have gone numb.

This might be a dream, part of her whispers. This might not be real. But she knows it is…she knows it is.

The wind catches Maura’s hair and whips it out behind her, and she puts both her hands to her head, trying to keep it under control. The movement seems to awaken something in Jane. She seems to understand that they can move, that if she doesn’t move, Maura might move…away.

“Dex,” she says, and her throat is so constricted that the word doesn’t come out right. So she swallows hard and she says it again.

“Dex.”

Maura is crying steadily now, even though she’s still smiling.

“Tag,” she whispers.

And then she is running. She is running and she has thrown her arms around Jane’s neck, and she is crying. She is laughing sobbing hyperventilating into Jane’s chest, and Jane’s arms are around her.

She is there.

“Jane,” she says, between her hears and her laughter and her breath. “Jane.”

The brunette closes her eyes.

“Maura.”

#rizzles #kid rizzles #Tower of Learning #Happy Thanksgiving!

colormetheworld