#tractorgate

[doctorwhoarchiveofrandomness]

"God, I keep telling you. I wasn't looking at porn. I was looking at tractators."

[onisionhurtspeople]

You have got to be fucking kidding me. 

[onisionhurtspeople]

Here’s what Greg’s GoFundMe says, in case anybody is curious. 

Onision's Wetlands, Make Them Better Than Ever

When you show concern for what someone does to the environment and they ask you for help (not to repair it, but instead make it better than ever before after they separately repair it), you happily assist them because you know what's important is not what was done (and is resolved separately), but the greater good of the world. You are a good person who not only shows concern, but proves the concern is authentic by contributing to a healthier environment and the cause you clearly care so much about. Your contribution will for a fact make the Earth a healthier environment, we both know this is true, so please match your words with your actions, and help truly change the world for the better. Thank you for being incredible!

The Initial Work

About half a year ago my yard was consumed by plants that either stung, poked or even stabbed my little children. For my children's safety I cleared out many of these plants and as a result my kids are safer than ever.

Additionally my housing community has repeatedly instructed me to remove trees that cause problems &/or clear vegetation that are dead or otherwise could easily cause a fire. On top of this, my neighbor told me before I did any work, that years ago his yard looked like mine, and he took a bobcat and cleared out all the noxious weeds and other obstructions to make what he has now, a massive green yard. I followed the guidance of the housing community, my neighbor (who is now living in Montana) & my own parental inclination as well as the local landscaping companies approval, and removed the weeds/brush, much of which is not native to the state of Washington.

The Compensating

Not long after the work was done, to prevent erosion I covered up any significant exposed dirt with new vegetation. I also planted numerous blueberry bushes and multiple trees. In all I planted about 10 trees/bushes and ensured nearly the whole yard was covered/protected.

The Aftermath I got a call from the county that a neighbor had reported me for my work. They filmed me instead of simply knocking on my door, and submitted the video to the county (I only found out it was in fact my neighbors days ago). As a result of negotiations with the county, I do not have to restore the noxious weeds or any of the otherwise dangerous plants I removed. Instead they are allowing me to plant pretty much whatever I want, which is a wonderful conclusion.

Additionally, the county is being amazing to me in general by working with me to make my yard the best it has ever been. Since the county and I have come to an agreement, people have made YouTube videos showing great concern for my back yard. They have shown so much concern that I have come to realize people really want to help improve not just the world, but my yard specifically. I want to thank you guys so much for how much you care about my yard, and with my limited finances, I know what I can do to make this place amazing is not good enough by the internet's standards, so I wanted to give the internet the amazing opportunity to not just make my yard better, but better than ever. The Result of Your Donation

Trees & Bushes (approx. $32,000): The more money this GoFundMe gets, the more we can plant. Full size trees cost a lot of money, but nature is worth it!

Fence (approx. $20,000): Fences reduce soil erosion, they protect fragile environments, they help reduce pollution & protect small animals from larger predators. This fence however will also be used to help support plant growth/stability, the plants will be able to grow easier with the support of a fence, protecting them from the wind, and also giving them something to hold on to as they climb toward the sun. (list of benefits here: http://www.fbfencing.com.au/environmental-benefits-fence-building/)

Dock (approx. $30,000): A dock will be installed at the edge of the water to prevent any interaction between and the more shallow fragile water/soil. A dock also provides a place for ducks and other animals to find safety during bad weather and even make a home during some points in the year. A dock is absolutely essential to ensure the point of water to land remains unimpacted and free to grow naturally without any footprint whatsoever upon it. Drainage System (approx. $8,000): An effective drainage system could benefit the entire yard, focusing water through a specific rout would greatly improve the year around ecological balance of the yard. The drainage system I'm installing is separate, and this advanced system will make it even better. As described below, I'm covering everything necessary on my end, but I know you guys want even better, so while I have already repaired so much, you guys will take it beyond my highest hopes. Thank you so much. Additional Funds: The remaining amounts will go to GoFundMe, taxes and other misc. expenses entirely related to this project. None of it will be absorbed by me. This entire GoFundMe has one sole purpose, make the wetland, the most amazing it has ever been, ever.

Separate Fees, Not Funded By This Campaign: The county has separate fees for me, to pay for my own obligations which are separate from this campaign. I am taking care of my own financial end. This campaign however is entirely separate as while I am personally bringing everything up to standard, you guys are pushing it beyond, and making it far better than ever, which I cannot thank you enough for.

Perks To Contributing

$5,000: Donors of this level and above may visit the site/take pictures or video once a year to document the progress.

$3,000: Donors of this level can have any tree named whatever they like and have an Earth-friendly label applied to a tree planted in their honor.

$2,000: Personal thank you video from myself featuring updated yard once a year for three years.

$1,000: Your name will be engraved in the dock (Earth-friendly/safe)

$750: Your name will be engraved in the fence (Earth-friendly/safe) $500: Donors of this level can have any bush named whatever they like and have an Earth-friendly label applied to the bush planted in their honor.

$250: Every year for three years you will be sent video of the progress of all the growth.

$100: Every year for three years you will be sent pictures of the progress of all the growth. What Your Donation Means

Contributing means you truly care about the environment. When you show concern for what others do, it's real and you are willing to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk. If you ever wanted to contribute to a legitimate cause that offers real world results, this is it. You can do this! Thank you so very much for genuinely caring about the environment! Is This Really A Project By Onision?

Yes, it is absolutely 100% run by me, please refer to the OnisionSpeaks channel on YouTube: http://youtube.com/OnisionSpeaks or confirm on my Twitter: http://twitter.com/onision As described above, for three years many donors will receive video and/or photo proof of these improvements to the wetland. Some will even physically visit the site to ensure all is as described.

Thank you again for being so incredible to nature. You are truly a hero.

(Source)

This is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever seen and I have so much second-hand embarrassment from watching this. 

Also, lol:

[onisionhurtspeople]

[onisionhurtspeople]

Calling it now, Greg is gonna make a video about his backyard after he restores the wetlands and then try to write off the yard work on his taxes.