The Baggage We Carry
One of the long-term problems often discovered during therapy is that we are “carrying too much baggage” around with us. Too much baggage overwhelm us. This causes life to feel complex and sets our emotions into a frenzy. It is even worse when things don’t get better no matter what we do. Some baggage are the result of terrible trauma in our lives and are often what therapists look for as the culprit. But, the harder issues to uncover and understand are those that happen when people encounter a steady diet of The Box. Typically, unless there is outright physical or emotional abuse, The Box at any given moment seems easy and straight-forward to deal with. It’s simple really to listen carefully to what someone tells us what to do, judge the rewards, punishment, and enjoyment associated with doing it. But, there is an additive effect when more and more people use The Box on us constantly. Eventually, we either conclude that “this is life”, or decide to “stand up for ourselves”. We face conscious or unconscious submission or rebellion. It is as though we are brainwashed into one or the other. Then, to make matters more confusing, we find friends who support us and the way we deal with things. Unawareness of the Box as the Cause of Baggage Unfortunately, if we do not know it is The Box that is causing us trouble, we often point at people. We can always find others who are tired of parents, teachers or bosses who try to control us all the time. Even though we never suffer one particular traumatic event, the culmination of many controlling events can cause too much baggage and advice such as “get over it” or “move on” just doesn’t help. It is far too complicated to begin discounting our authority figures. The overly sympathetic friends might even invite us to simply “party it all away”, and introduce “alcohol or drugs” as a way of calming our emotions. Unfortunately, sympathetic friends, parties, alcohol, and drugs can Box Us In, too. In the book, Living Beyond The Box, it suggests that one of the most common ways of dealing with The Box is to just Trade Boxes. This type of trading is what also adds to the complexity and emotionality associated with The Box. Eventually, if we don’t find a better way, we just become part of the problem with a solution too far away to be found. Taken too far, we actually become The Box That Controls Us. Talk about living in a complex world … So, whenever we consistently feel helpless, hopeless and/or worthless, we should consider seeing a competent therapist – a professional dedicated to getting to the bottom of our anger or fear. A simple single event is seldom the “core cause” of feeling over-controlled – be prepared to spend the time necessary to unravel the complexities of your situation. Read the full article