#tranquility mention

[kirkwallgirlesque]

Tagged by @john-cousland, thank you! ^u^ Doing this for Jay because I’m fretting about today’s Critical Role before I can watch the rebroadcast (when it even begins) and Jay’s always relaxing. xD

NAME: Jayden Hawke

AGE: 25 in the beginning of DA2, so canon age for a Hawke I suppose. :’), 32 or 33 by the end of it, 37-38-ish during Inquisition? -ish?

GENDER: male

ORIENTATION: Bi, demisexual

PROFESSION:  Shepherd, smuggler, ...Champion?, professional mage helper / shepherd

BACKGROUND:

Jay was born and raised in Fereldan countryside - moving from farm to farm and town to town after work. His father worked frequently in pastures, taking care of sheep, and Jay learned shepherding from him from quite early on. It was around sheep that his magic first manifested, and it was on a dying lamb that he first used spirit healing, so sheep are very important to him, and represent home and comfort. This is why he stubbornly clings to the title of ‘Shepherd’ later in life when the world would attach other titles to him - apostate, refugee, smuggler, upstart nobleman, Champion. It’s both an identity to him, and a disguise. His staff is modeled to look like a shepherd’s tool, too, and was given to him by his father.

When Jay and his family was forced to flee into Kirkwall, he was very uncomfortable with his new lot in life and missed home and the sheep and wished he could be back in Ferelden, but nevertheless resolved to make as good a life for himself and what remained of his family as possible. The change wasn’t all bad, though, because it was in Kirkwall that he found friendship pretty muh for the first time properly. In Ferelden he’d spent so much time moving from place to place, or in the pastures, that he didn’t get a lot of that sort of human interaction. He also found love in Anders, and indeed did spend a lot of his time down in the Darktown clinic learning to better use his healing, and spirit healing especially.

Eventually, after the events of DA2, Jay became a fugitive with Anders slowly gives up the title of Shepherd because he’s found a new identity that he is comfortable with and that feels like him, and feels like home, one without a clear title: mage revolutionary and fugitive, lover to the most amazing man, healer, homemaker. The two set up safe houses and a hideaway farm in Ferelden, co-operating with the Mages’ Collective and eventually the Inquisitor Eirien Trevelyan and the free mages. They set out to help the Tranquil and to find a way to use the Inquisitor’s newfound knowledge to cure them.

PHYSICAL

Body type: Tall, fat, strong. Is that a body type description? xD Jay’s got strong arms and legs from all the farmwork, and most of his weight gathers in the middle, same as his dad’s did. I am not super consistent in drawing it, and there’s some variation between DA!Jay and Fallout!Jay that idk if anyone else notices but it kinda just happens accidentally. xD

It’s evolved during his existence. I guess these are pretty close to the current idea(s):

second picture from the Fallout blog @flannelshirtandjeans

Eyes: Amber / golden brown

Hair: Red, curly, usually long unless it’s gone through disasters featuring slimes or pinesap. ^U^ Frequently worn in a half-bun, bun, or some kind of a braided updo, especially in combat when he needs it out of his face.

Skin: Freckly, burns easily in the sun

Height: 6′7′’

Weight: Who knows honestly. It’s not a static number anyway. Lighter when the times are bad, heavier when they are good. ^u^

SKILLS (S.P.E.C.I.A.L + M) I know how SPECIAL works but I’ll just throw numbers out of the window. xD

Strength- Jay’s a strong guy, honest farmwork has ensured that. In Kirkwall I think the strength shifts a little to accommodate for the different kind of physical labor (and the amount of fighting) he does, but eventually it shifts back when he and Anders move to Ferelden and onto the hideaway farm in the mountains. Even Jay’s magic-wielding in combat is more based on strength and a strong base than agile movement and speed.

Perception-  Ok, I guess? Not super good, not super bad.

Endurance- OK when he’s not recovering from stuff like nearly dying in the Arishok fight and three years of easier living afterwards! I’m convinced that at least half of his endurance comes from sheer stubbornness (and then he overdoes it). Tends to react poorly to lactose & has a bad ankle & no particular resistance to illness so I guess MMV.

Charisma- This I think varies! Mostly I think of him as a pretty charismatic guy, but like in terms that he’s friendly and tends to get along with most people who don’t actively want him or his friends or mages in general dead, and he prefers talking to fighting - BUT he isn’t a diplomat or particularly intimidating, he’s just this friendly teddy bear man. That’s useful charisma but in limited circumstances.

Intelligence- Jay is not a learned man, mostly, not in academic sense, but he’s plenty smart enough. His father taught him what he could of magical theory but learning through theory was always harder for Jay than learning through just experience. In D&D terms I’d say his Wisdom is higher than his Intelligence! :D ...But even then I feel like he’s lived in the countryside and sticking to the company of his family more than anyone else for so long that he’s just out of his element and feels less smart than he actually is in the city because he has to learn this whole new way of existing and behaving.

He can be slow to think (which some people tend to use to dismiss his wits), he can be gullible and too stubborn for his own good, he can get frustrated if someone flungs a lot of fancy words at him. But he’s also endlessly curious, learns well from just experimenting and trying things out (this is how he learned most of his magic, and Anders is ofter a little stumped about how he came to figure something out by just kinda thinking about it and maybe absently herding some sheep), has a good memory, and is good at putting his knowledge into good use. Also pretty good at the emotional side of things (when it’s not him doing the bad emotion).

Agility- Jay’s pretty firm on his feet unless his bad ankle decides to give under him, even in difficult terrain, but I wouldn’t call him agile, he just kinda unconsciously roots himself to the ground (side-effect of force magic) when he’s paying attention to staying on his feet. His combat style is more based in standing his ground and strong spells and barriers than on ducking and weaving and quick spells. It drives Anders up the wall frequently but hey, it works. xD

Luck- highly variable I think. xD

Magic- Jay specializes in ice, force magic (and some spells that are force magic in spirit if not in in-game categorization lmao), and (spirit) healing. Force magic is his best area of magic. Prior to coming to Kirkwall he’d mostly only ever healed animals and was nervous to pick up his magic and help at the clinic, but Anders was patient with him and he learned a lot from Anders and Justice both about normal healing magic, and about spirit healing. I think he only came into the spirit healing properly after leaving Kirkwall though.

LIKES

Colors – greens, browns, yellows, orange, Anders’ hair

Smells - woodfire, Anders, embrium, freshly baked bread, mints, yarrow, wool, that freezing temperature smell

Food – lamb (esp. with apples), barley porridge, blackberries, blueberries, redcurrants, apples, the forbidden milky things

Fruit – kinda listed above already. :D

Drinks - tea, water, redcurrant juice (spiced or not)

Alcoholic drinks – sima / mead, spiced ale, maybe warm apple cider

OTHER

Smoke: No

Drugs:  No

Driver’s license?: Fallout!Jay has a driver’s license!

[timesorceror]

Day 4 (January 10th) - Anders and Karl

The past romance, or the AU where Karl lives, this day is dedicated to Karl and Anders.

Apologies for the lateness of this one as well. It’s late for the same reason as the last one. ;)

For @justhanderspositive‘s challenge: [HERE].

It was dark when Anders woke, his heart thudding in his chest. He flailed and reached out, searching for something in the darkness…

“Anders?”

Gentle hands pulled at him, supporting him, bringing him against a chest and cradling him as he shivered and whimpered. A burst of magic brought a spark of magelight forth, hovering in the air above the bed. 

“Anders. It’s alright. You’re safe.”

Karl. That was Karl’s voice.

Anders swiftly turned around in the embrace that held him, his own hands reaching up when Karl’s face came into view. His fingers threaded through grey hair, first the bristly tufts of his beard, and then the wiry softness of the hair on his head. He stopped once, remembering the Tranquil brand from his nightmare, and rubbed his thumbs against the center of Karl’s forehead.

“You… you were Tranquil,” Anders sobbed, tears still falling down his face and dripping onto Karl’s robes. “I went to meet you with Hayden in the Chantry and you were Tranquil…”

Anders became insensible then, and it was all Karl could do to pull Anders tighter against his chest, rubbing his back through the threadbare cotton shirt he wore, pressing soft kisses against his hair.

“But I’m here now, Anders. I’m not Tranquil. I’m still myself.”

Anders hiccuped as he slowly calmed and his tears dried up. “…but we… we fought,” he continued. “Justice took over when I learned you’d been made Tranquil, and after the fight was over… you were yourself again. But… only for a moment. I… I had to kill you. You begged me. You said that all the music and the color in the world was gone and that you’d rather die a mage than live as a Tranquil… I–I… I held you. As you bled out. After I… I did as you asked.”

“Oh, Anders.”

Karl simply kept soothing Anders with gentle kisses and long, rhythmic strokes along the blond’s back.

“It’s alright now. It was just a dream.”

“I know,” Anders sighed, mostly calm at last. “It just felt… so real.”

Karl chuckled. “Yet another part of being a mage. Our connection to the Fade gives us a hyper-awareness in our dreams that makes them that way.”

“Yes, yes, I know.” Anders drawled. “I remember. And look at you; you’ve not even been here for a day and you’re already giving me lectures again.” Karl frowned. “I don’t… mean to… exactly.” Anders simply laughed. 

“But it’s so you. Don’t ever change, love.”

Karl hummed noncommittally. 

“Speaking of your spirit, Anders…” 

Anders tensed. “I…” He sighed. “I know what you’re going to say, and I–”

“Do you really?”

“What?”

“Do you really know what I’m going to say?”

Anders was quiet for a while. Eventually, he sighed again and, very quietly, admitted, “…no? But… I… took a spirit into my soul, Karl. If… if we’re caught, you’ll just be put into a Circle again. But me? They’ll kill me. Or worse, they’ll make me Tranquil.”

“None of that matters, Anders.” Karl insisted, running a hand through Anders’ hair. “What you did was dangerous, yes. And perhaps a little foolhardy… but I know you, at least just as much as you claim to know me. You would not have done such a thing without reason, Anders. As a Spirit Healer, you probably thought you could handle it. Yet, regardless of the how it occurred, it brought you to me. Now, let us sleep a little while longer, yes? We’ll deal with everything else in the morning.”

Anders nodded and nestled himself tightly against Karl. Anders was still as Karl remembered him, all knobby-kneed and long limbed, though he was more densely muscled now and perhaps a touch on the thin side. 

As Karl dimmed the magelight a little and listened for the distant call of the Fade to signal that Anders had returned to his dreaming, he made a note to ask either the young Hawke or their dwarf friend, Varric, about arranging some extra food deliveries for the clinic. He wasn’t about to let his little firecracker starve himself just to feed the people of Darktown.

Though… he did have to wonder a little how the slightly self-centered boy he’d first fallen in love with had become this beautiful, brilliant man who cared so much about the poor and impoverished that he would sacrifice everything for them and ask for nothing in return.

Still. That could wait until morning.

[daihell]

Thinking about it, Kath as a Circle mage would probably be a lot like Anders, constantly trying to escape and doing ridiculous things like trying to swim across the lake. Although the templars might just let him go hoping he drowns or something because he’d constantly be causing mischief, blowing stuff up and pulling pranks. How is it he hasn’t been made tranquil. I’m really gonna have to work on this lol.

[sicaacer]

thinking about before the dawn and how utterly that quest would wreck merryn--it’s bad enough seeing helisma and clemence and the other tranquil around skyhold, but this....this is a whole other level of fucked up, or at least it seems so on the surface. it’s super late in the game but i feel like this is what would trigger their companion quest? i need to do that companion meme while this is fresh in my mind but just...they’d be so fucked up if they were brought along as a companion for that which obviously means i wanna write it--as inquisitor or as a companion, with an inquisitor or a cullen or someone else just holy shit someone write this with me sweet jeesus

[draegaa]

I cannot beLIEve I just had to look at that with my own two eyes.  GOD! Untagged Sebanders with Tranquil!Anders to fuel Sebastian’s shitty manpain? Let me just go peel all my own skin off, instead.

[draegaa]

She may be more ‘progressive’ than other Divines, but Justinia still allowed Pharamond to be made tranquil again, even though he was begging for mercy.

And that’s fucked up.

[explodingchantry]

plus i know that this isn't directly related to the mage origin but cassandra says that even she was made tranquil once. about how she doesn't even know what really happened and everything. plus, the fact that instead of having to kill a tranquil in order to have them ~feel~ the fade again, you can actually become not tranquil. ugh. plus, alistair tries so hard to reassure the mage warden that he's not one of the bad templars.

Alistair also often points out that he, in fact, didn’t become a templar at all! He was formed to be one, but had no choice in the matter. Though some of his views are the ones that he is taugh by the Chantry, he actually is comprehensive toward the mages!

If you are a mage warden and die while killing the archdemon while Alistair is king, he builds a new tower under your name and gives the mages authonomy. Without even being asked! And if your warden doesn’t die, they can ask him to do so!

But yeah- Alistair is aware of the fear he must give the mage companions, as he also asks Wynne if she is uncomfortable in his presence. He probably knows how much of a threat templars are seen by mages. 

As for the thing with Cass, it’s so fucked up honestly. She didn’t even know. Like, it’s terrible that the Seekers didn’t tell her, but it’s also fucked up because you don’t even… know that they’re making you Tranquil? Either she had just no memory of the Rite or it’s something that can actually be done subtely- I think it’s the former, however.

The fact that the Seekers hid the fact that you can reverse Tranquility (even the Divine didn’t know) is so… Horrible. And heartbreaking when you think of mages like Anders and Karl. Because Anders actually had the cure for Tranquility inside of him. It makes me so sad. And upset.

Tranquility is fucked up, and doesn’t even stop mages from being possessed, it just makes it harder. The spirits see them as if they were just inanimate objects- they aren’t as drawn to them as they would be to mages, but it is still possible for them to get possessed. 

And the worst is also that there is also a way to reverse possession (we even did it, in DAO when dealing with Connor, and then in Asunder when Wynne and a group of mages dealt with Pharamond, a Tranquil who was possessed by a demon). And as much as I understand that its a complicated ritual and that it needs a lot of lyrium, that it is dangerous, it still means that death isn’t the final and only answer to possession. Because even if most abominations turn very violent and dangerous, I’m sure that if they really tried, they could save many, many possessed mages.

[explodingchantry]

here have some rather interesting dialogues of the magi origin in dao :)

so the mage prologue starts with your circle mage warden going through their harrowing. this is one of the first dialogue you have, Irving telling you this:

(”Every mage must go through this trial by fire.”)

And here is what Knight-Commander Greagoir tells him:

(”The apprentice must go trhough this test alone, first enchanter”)

Even though Irving said nothing more than “As we succeeded before you, so shall you.”. There can be no words spoken to the apprentice, no advices, nothing.

The apprentices are completely unprepared. 

Now, let’s see what a spirit (not a demon. I’m speaking of the spirit of valor that we meet in the fade) has to say about the Harrowing:

(”Your mages have devised a cowardly test. Better you were pitted against each other to prove your mettle with skill, than to be sent unarmed against a demon.”)

Now, I think it means a lot that a spirit, that has no idea of the distress and fear that apprentices going through the Harrowing feel- he only knows that it’s cowardly to send unarmed people against demons that can be too powerful to fight alone, no matter how skilled the mage is.

The spirit doesn’t even know that much about the Harrowing, but he knows this:

(”I do know that a demon has been called and told that a meal awaits. It will not -cannot leave- until one of you is dead.”)

Now that is terribly interesting, isn’t it? The demon was summoned it, and seems to be bound to this part of the fade. They are calling a demon, but more than that, forcing them to stay. The demon is going to try as hard as they can to possess you, because that’s their only way out. 

Even though mages are usually exposed to demons that simply desire power, desire to enter through the mortal world, that desire to control a mortal body. Those demons can wait, those demons are no mortal and do not desperately need to possess you.

The demon called for the Harrowing? It is desperately in need to possess you to survive.

The Harrowing is not as easy as it may seem to us players.

Remember the fade quest in DA2? I don’t have screenshots of it, but Merrill claims, if you brought her and she was tricked (I never tried with any of the others) that the demons’ words were pulling at her heart, that she felt like she had to accept it. And Merrill isn’t as naive as she seems- she actually is careful with demons. And she has been all her life.

Demons are very powerful and really difficult to deal with. So imagine a demon desperately trying to survive by possessing you? Yeah, you can guess how terrifyingly hard that must be to resist.

Now, let’s see what Mouse has to say about this. Now, before you argue: Yes, I know it is a demon, but even then, all he says actually is true, and could be said by any mage (it’s also why it was such a twist that it was actually a demon, and why it shows how Hard it is for anyone to deal with them: they are Very intelligent and can make themselves very believable.).

(”If you learn a little too much, they’ll label you a blood mage, and kill you on sight!”)

That is actually true. The codex entry called “Irving’s mistake” actually shows that they let mages learn about blood magic, and that they were even encouraged to those kind of “deviant trait”, so they could be “exposed” easier, for the “safety of all”.

And with the Jowan situation, we can see that they don’t even try to correct those mages or set them on the “right path” again. They let them be and just make them tranquil. 

They do not try, they are very quick to condemn you without giving you any chance of “redemption”.

(”Thrown to the mercy of a demon when you’re at your weakest. ‘’For tthe safety of all.’’ “)

Now, I’d like to remind you all that the Harrowing happens in the middle of the night and that mages have literally no way to prepare as they do not know what the Harrowing consists of.

And here is proof from what Jowan, and an NPC say:

(”They carried you in this morning. “I didn’t even realize you’d be gone all night.”)

Even other apprentices don’t know you are gone or that you are passing your Harrowing until you come back.

(”I’ve heard about apprentices who never come back from Harrowings.”)

Now, please remember: if you fail your Harrowing, you die. You are simply killed.  But now, please look at this NPC dialogue:

(”Did you hear about the apprentice who disappeared last week?”)

That’s it, that’s the only piece of dialogue you will hear about said apprentice. No one knows what happened to them. Did they actually run away? Or were they killed because they failed their Harrowing? Nobody knows. And nobody will know.

Now, let’s go back to mouse:

(”Magic is evil, and therefore, so are you. They’ll never change.” “They believe all magic is evil, the Fade is evil.”)

The second line is pretty funny, because they (the Chantry) do believe the Fade is so evil, yet it is also the home of the Maker. Oh my. But that is for another time.

Doesn’t it sound familiar? Anders in DA2 tells Hawke that “In the Circle, they remind you every day that magic is a curse.” (or something similar anyway.) and we can also witness that kind of thinking from one of the apprentices in the tower as well. You meet her while she is praying, and I don’t exactly remember how the conversation goes but I think you can ask her why she is praying or something similar (i took those screenshots some time ago, sorry.):

(”That maybe I’ll be forgiven, and my curse will be lifted.” “Magic causes such misery. It’s dangerous and vile and wicked. “Being born with something so terrible must be a punishment. I wish I could be rid of it.” “Imagine! No fear of becoming an abomination. Not being reviled by common folk and Chantry...”)

This kind of thinking doesn’t come alone. It is the Circle, the Chantry, the Templars that have given her this opinion. They repeat every day that magic is a curse and that it is dangerous, that all mages are possible abominations.

And you meet this apprentice later on, during the Broken Circle quest. Here is what she says:

At that point, the templars want to annul the Circle and she is aware of it as you just had a conversation about it with Wynne.

She is praying to be killed by the templars.

She thinks it would be the only way to be delivered from this curse. 

You can actually tell her that she might like to become a Tranquil, back when you are talking to her during the Magi Origin, and she actually likes the idea.

That is heartbreaking, and this is all the Circle/Templars/Chantry’s fault.

On the subject of Tranquility, however:

(”You do the Harrowing, the Rite of Tranquility... or you die.” “Apprentices can ask to be made Tranquil if they fear the Harrowing.” “But the Circle also forces Tranquility on those they feel are weak.” “And sometimes, they force it on apprentices they think might be too... dangerous as mages.”)

Now, see: the mages have no choice. It is either you pass a test that is overly difficult and dangerous, for which you have no chance to prepare and which you do not even know will happen, a test that can even be refused to you if the Circle thinks you are too weak, or you become lobotimized, or you just die.

The Circle makes mages scared, terrified of the Harrowing. The apprentices don’t know what it is, but they know its hard, they know it’s terrifying, like we can see below:

(”I just know I’ll be terrified when my time comes. Like Wendell was. He threw up every day for the next week just thinking about it...”)

The Harrowing is an extremely traumatic experience.

And the Circle can also declare that you are “too dangerous as a mage”. Meaning that if they think you might, for exemple, be too emotionally unstable to be able to resist a demon, or think you might too easily be curious about blood magic, they can force you to become Tranquil.

Tranquility is a threat to every mage, it is something they are reminded of every day when they see the Tranquils around the circle, every day when they see new Tranquils. They are living in constant fear of having everything taken away from them, as if taking their freedom wasn’t already enough.

Now, on the condition of living in the tower in general. The mages are watched 24/7 by the templars, and what can we hear about it?

(”I really hate how the templars are always staring at us.”)

Mages are made uncomfortable by this constant surveillance, they are being stared at and must be afraid of doing even a single thing that could be considered wrong. They have no privacy, to an extreme, as we can see below:

(”Gerda told me the templars watch us while we bathe. I hope that’s not true.”)

Of course, this mage has just been “told that”, but how surprising would it be, honestly?

(”This tower is too cold.”)

Now... It may seem little, but it means that the living condition aren’t best. And I know, I know, that the tower is very huge and must not be that easy to keep warm, but I think that it’s still important to point out that the living condition of mages may be very low in Circles- they aren’t comfortably living.

Aaaand I would also like to point out that there is no real window in the tower:

And I have checked at every floor: it is the same. There is no window. There is only a bit of light coming there. The mages do not see what the outside world look like.

And at last, I would look to point out this conversation, about the fraternities:

(”You can see why, don’t you? Just think of what the Chantry would do if suddenly the circles were petitioning for more independance, or even a split.” “Won’t be pretty.”)

And, well, we know from Asunder and DAI what happened when the Circles tried that, didn’t we? 

Yeah. The mages are fully aware that the Chantry would slaughter them all if they even tried peaceful to split from the Chantry, or even ask for more rights.

So, um. The Fereldan Circle wasn’t that great, at all.

No Circle is a “good” Circle. The very fact that Circles take away a mage’s freedom makes it a bad Circle. There is just Circles that are worse than others.