My Aralas fic is getting to me again
I try not to treat Legolas as a self insert in my fic, but at times I can't help it. We have so much in common, we're both coming of age into a world clouded by a shadow of evil, we have complicated relationships with our family, we have complicated relationships with our gender identity and our sexuality, we both struggle to walk the line between what our family and society expects from us and what we actually want. I can't help but relate to him at times.
I decided that I was going to make Legolas transmasc for a number of reasons, there's nothing in cannon that directly goes against it, elves canonically have different relationships with gender than other races, and it just makes sense within the cannon of my fic.
Because Legolas is trans though, there is a part towards the end where he could be pregnant and he has to figure out how he feels about that. I also might be pregnant right now. I haven't told anyone and it's too early to test, I haven't even missed a period, but I've had to think so much about what I'm going to do if I am pregnant. Best case scenario would be that I'm not pregnant, that way I don't have to make a decision, but at the same time through writing Legolas's reaction, I've learned that maybe I do want a baby.
When I write his reaction, his fears, his desires, I'm writing from my heart, I'm processing my feelings through him, and it's sorta therapeutic in a way but at the same time it's very emotional.