#trans ref

[trans-seraphim]

reposting this from sabre (@bottleneckloser on insta)

the article in question

[trans-seraphim]

https://www.tumblr.com/trans-seraphim/774977198785527808/if-you-want-to-understand-why-some-people-assigned?source=share

You take their explicit narratives about their transfem identity at face value, when they are really made for public-image reasons—to make their motivations appear more acceptable to us. It might be true that some claim that identity also because they felt excluded from femininity, but that's just a secondary, tertiary reason, *not* the main one. Without that main reason, they wouldn't identify as such. So it's not just a subset, because most of these 'AFAB transfems' really identify that way mainly because they are attracted to male femininity. You might feel that it's 'just a subgroup, not the majority' that is motivated by this because they are not overtly, loudly showcasing their attraction to male femininity. It's far more discreet, but it's nonetheless the reason

The BL connection is that they want to be trans women for the same reasons they want to be BL characters—they want to free themselves from female constraints. They see female femininity as a burden, a chore, bland, unappealing, as stripping away part of their personhood. They find conventional male masculinity unappealing as well, but for different reasons. It’s about rejecting gender nonconformity and embracing what they’re attracted to—their idealized version of what they wish men should be—androgyous, beautiful males, which allow them to explore femininity, masculinity, sexuality and all sorts of things from that appealing, personified perspective. It goes deeper than this.

So in short most afab transfems want to be transfem bc they find male femininity attractive, bc they want to (re)explore femininity from a male perspective.

this part parses:

"They see female femininity as a burden, a chore, bland, unappealing, as stripping away part of their personhood. They find conventional male masculinity unappealing as well, but for different reasons."

but the rest reads like a villain monologue, especially:

"... they are really made for public-image reasons- to make their motivations appear more acceptable to us."

same shit terfs say about trans women!!

I think you might be deeper down the rabbit hole on this than me. a cautionary tale about where I don't want to be! so thanks!

"So in short most afab transfems want to be transfem bc they find male femininity attractive, bc they want to (re)explore femininity from a male perspective."

doing this is based and gender as fuck honestly? i just wish they wouldn't say that makes them trans women 🤷🏼‍♀️

[trans-seraphim]

If you want to understand why some people assigned female at birth claim a transfem identity, you should look into the "boys' love" genre and the communities/academic research about it

these people fetishize male femininity, they want to be like the male characters in this genre. The reason is always the same. They see trans women as men who wear dresses

i'm actually an asian studies major with a focus on japan, and i took a class on youth culture, so i'm not unfamiliar with this.

firstly, let's not let it get away from us that the term "fetish" when discussing gender identity is common transphobic rhetoric. taking the side of trans women does not let you escape this.

while i think a fixation with male femininity does not encapsulate everyone's reasons for identifying in such a way, it feels accurate for a certain subset. i've seen certain explanations that lead me towards that understanding.

the connection to BL is, in my mind, a bit spurious, but i understand how you arrived at that. i would definitely characterize BL fans as having that fixation. additionally, i would say they have a fixation with the homoerotic, but one which still allows them to maintain the integrity of their sexuality. the BL fan is able to enjoy the taboo of queer sexuality while avoiding it "tainting" their self-understanding, as their heterosexuality means they ought to be attracted to both characters involved. trying to map that understanding onto the AFAB trans woman feels difficult, to say the least. they can enjoy the taboo of queer gender without it "tainting" their femininity, maybe? i don't really see it.

when i look at my feelings on the matter reductively, it does feel like they are seeing trans women as men in dresses. looking past that, however, it feels more like trans women are positioned as people who resist masculinity by embracing femininity. the trans woman is treated as though her masculinity is stuck to her - to have had the experience of masculinity marks her as aberrant - and it must be actively shirked, even atoned for. for someone raised under the expectation of femininity, to resist their own masculinity is not as radical an action.

however, in the context of patriarchal gender norms and liberal feminism, resisting masculinity in general is an end in and of itself, and perhaps that battle is applied internally as well. (i would also like to note that resisting masculinity and its supposedly predatory and oppressive nature was, rather famously, among michfest's justifications for excluding trans women. figuring out the exact way this connects to my previous point is left as an exercise for the reader.) for the transmasc AFAB trans woman in particular, which is an extant category, it may become an exercise in denying the privilege of masculinity they have obtained. (see michfest again, and its willingness to allow trans men.) trans women, in this sense, become a potent image - people whose masculinity is stuck to them, but who sacrifice the privilege it brings.

to me, the AFAB people i understand identifying as trans women - and i use that phrasing intentionally - have, for one reason or another, had that experience of being excluded from femininity or expected to perform masculinity. (i've seen the most reasonable takes come from intersex trans women, which should be no surprise.) i have seen them express resentment at the idea of identifying as an "AFAB trans woman" in specific, as their life experiences have already laid bare the arbitrary nature of birth assignment.

i think saying someone with an F on their birth certificate categorically cannot identify as a "trans woman" is reductive, a perspective i have come to after looking more into the topic. however, i think if one is compelled to identify as an "AFAB trans woman," they should take a deep look at the reason they have for centering their assigned gender in their identity - a thing they are very willing to accuse trans women of doing. to highlight one's AFABness is perhaps to purport a more legitimate access to the title of "woman", which is in direct opposition to any transfeminism i recognize or respect.

[notaglenuante]

i wrote this story to help my grandma understand why deadnaming and misgendering me in her memories of me as a little kid makes me upset:

imagine a kid named jade whose athletic parents insisted that she, too, was destined to be a star athlete. since birth jade was made to participate in sports. at first she didn't question it, always doing her best because she didn't know that she even *could* do anything else.

but jade grew miserable. even though she was having some success in sports, every practice grew to feel like a form of torture. it just wasn't the way she wanted to live. she always dreamed to be anything *but* an athlete. she wasn't great in school, but jade found her closest friends in art class.

jade met more and more artists as the years went on and began making her own art.

jade's parents were furious. jade was *destined* to be a great athlete! she had been successful as an athlete so far, so why squander that progress?

to her parents, jade had always been an athlete. to jade, she had always been miserable. jade was tired of misery, so jade started making art full time and practically abandoned sports.

she liked to hike or rollerskate with friends occasionally, and she did stretches-- to prevent carpal tunnel-- but jade *never* felt like an athlete.

now, even though jade's parents have grown to accept their kid as an artist, her parents still insist that she used to be an incredible athlete. but when jade hears that, she only feels her incredible misery. even though it may have looked like she was a happy athlete on the outside before. even though people used to call her an athlete all the time and she wouldn't complain. she had always just smiled and moved on.

these days, jade would really rather be stung by a bee than be referred to as an athlete. it wasn't going to kill her, but it hurt, especially with repetition.

jade likes to think of her younger self as an artist yet to be awakened, whose muse was the turmoil that she faced every day pretending to be an athlete. she never knew for sure that *art* would be her calling until it happened, but to jade it seemed only natural.

she isn't ashamed of her past. jade can comfortably talk about the people she knew and the things she did, especially when those memories aren't related to sports. but most of the time, as long as she *was* playing sports, she never really felt like herself.

when other people call jade an athlete, or even recall their memories of her "as an athlete," jade feels a little more trapped in the past, in her so-called "destiny," and she loses a little hope for her future as an artist.

however, jade is lucky to have two very good friends: sam (they/them) and desmond (he/him). all three of them grew up the same way, but they all have different boundaries.

sam really enjoyed being an athlete for a while, and settled on art later. they have no problem being referred to as a former athlete and they still enjoy playing sports sometimes, though they are definitely more of an artist now.

desmond, however, is so troubled by his past being forced into playing sports that he never even wants to talk about it, let alone ever be referred to as an athlete. for him, it's like having an intense allergic reaction to being stung by a bee.

sam and desmond deeply understand the challenges that jade has gone through. though it rarely comes up, sam and desmond always talk about jade's youth as the the harrowing beginnings of a young artist--just the way jade sees it. that always makes her feel a little safer with them and a little more confident in herself.

the past can't be changed, but we can change the way we think about the past. for jade, part of respecting who she is as an artist is for anyone who knows her to think of her present as inevitable--from the start. her real "destiny" is happening: she's an artist! and she was always meant to be one.

jade hopes that one day her parents can learn to understand, or at least respect her boundaries about her past. until then, however, she'll expect to endure getting stung whenever she comes to visit.

[trans-seraphim]

maybe this is a blistering hot take, but the fact that conservatives are so afraid of us trans people (in contrast to liberals' token acceptance) demonstrates that they understand what we represent far better than liberals do. liberals believe they can put us in the corner and largely ignore us and keep their understanding of the world the way it is. conservatives see that we represent a fundamental challenge to cisheteronormative gender.

and there are so many trans people that are like "i don't want to disrupt anything, i just want to be left alone." and i get it, i really really do. but in our world, your existence is disruptive. you have to be willing to fuck shit up even more.

[trans-seraphim]

this always drives me crazy when i see it so transfems you deserve to know that 1mg and 2mg oral estradiol are baby doses. don't ever let them give you 1mg and if they won't give you more than 2mg at first, make sure you insist on a quick follow-up.

[homiebromantic]

Hey, may not be much help, but I do take monthly injections and I may be able to help. Okay, sharps container. Any super-study plastic container can do. I use a coffee container. Some companies offer these free of charge too (ask your insurance or drug manufacturer if they have sharps supplies) Most retail shops and pharmacies carry alcohol swabs. Same with bandages. I have found reputable supply places too for hospitals, if you want. VeryWellHealth has lists of reliable sites.

Thank you so much !! I've been having trouble finding the needle gauges that match the first couple my t provider gave me in my area so i would really appreciate your recs. I'll check out VeryWellHeath asap as possible (:

[trans-seraphim]

with a resigned sigh, i begin down another pointless research rabbit hole: is the sexualization of maid outfits in the trans community because of anime?

oh fuck here we go

following is a comment i wrote, slightly edited:

I'm tempted to say it's connected to the prominence and sexualization of maids in anime, which anecdotally is a fairly common interest among transfems (the shut-in nerd to transfem pipeline is real because dysphoria's a bitch). However, maids have been sexualized for a while (see Elvgren's famous maid pinup), easily before Japanese animation had any following abroad. I believe it is possible that the increased popularity of anime contributed to a resurgence of the trend or perhaps garnered interest from people who formerly were not interested in maid outfits. It's likely that Japanese-style maid uniforms, at least, were popularized through anime.

One of my Asian Studies professors has this to say (NSFW, discussion of porn/sex ahead)

Me: [...] I feel like it has to go back further, but do you feel like anime culture intensified it?

Them: This. Sexy maids are like a French porn thing. Being able to fuck the help at will? Peak bougie aspirational fantasy. Japanese anime/manga just picked up this western fetish and morphed it/accelerated it. Maid cafes are fairly recent… maybe like mid-90s?* I’m sure there were earlier experiments but the [Akihabara] versions were in the otaku boom.

* For context, the first permanent maid cafe went up in 2001 in Akihabara

I feel like a fool for not blaming the French. I mean, one of the common ways to refer to them are as French maids. Then, traditional gender roles give you the shift from fucking the help to being the help. In a world without anime, we might get the maid fixation in trans spaces due to French maids alone, but I kinda doubt it would be nearly as prominent.

Further, as written by Patrick Galbraith: "In the 1970s, some turned to the shōjo, the woman who is not one, as a source of alternative intimacy. Novelist and critic Honda Tōru argues that at the time consumption had come to play an increasingly important role in courting in Japan, and women gravitated towards men with resources. He describes this as 'love capitalism' (renai shihon shugi), an extension of market logic also reflected in discussion of 'the love gap' (renai kakusa), roughly corresponding to the income gap. According to Honda, men marginalised by this system, especially 'otaku' types investing in hobbies rather than relationships, turned to the fictional girls (the shōjo) of manga and anime. Such characters provide 'pure love' (junai), or love free of socioeconomic concerns. Honda is all too aware that this is an impossible ideal, which is precisely why it is only possible as fiction." (Galbraith 2011)

Some familiar with the man might problematize me citing Galbraith, but his analysis of Honda is fair and succinct. If we are to believe that maids specifically and shōjo more broadly stand in as objects of affection that are free from economic concerns for men marginalized by capitalism, it seems believable that transfems marginalized by transphobia (and also capitalism) would connect to maids as a form of aspirational femininity. Women are often expected to provide emotional comfort, and so the maid might be said to be a symbol of the desire to do so - perhaps more than that, as an embodiment of the ability to do so; or, seen more negatively, as a representation of the expectation to do so. I still think this connects to sexualization; emotional comfort is not the only comfort at play here.

I also think it's important to note that the maid trope is prevalent in online trans spaces and is not something I would associate with the transfem community more broadly. Naturally, these are trans spaces most proximate to otaku culture.