Tim knew he was a man for a long time. Really, ever since him and Jay met, he seemed sure of it. Jay never asked how or why he knew, but it crossed his mind every so often. How did you figure out those kinds of things? Was asking about it rude? How do you even go about that?
Worry clouded his mind. Was asking too much? Would it make him look stupid or like he wanted a specific answer? He chews on his thumbnail softly, just soft enough to avoid biting straight through it. This whole thing was pretty stupid, anyways.
Tim came through the door of their shared hotel room; a paper bag of cheap groceries gripped at his side. His knuckles were white, if he wasn't as strong as he was, Jay would've been convinced Tim was struggling. He scowled a little, walking to the TV's stand and setting down the bag. It was cold enough out and he was stuck in the shitty jacket he always said he hated, that reminded him of his mask.
He turns to Jay, at first focused on sitting down to take off his boots and take weight off of his leg. His expression shifts though as he watches his friend's face carefully. Jay seemed upset. Or, well, the nervous look in his eyes, more nervous than paranoid for once, said a lot.
"You alright?" He coughed out. It was an awkward statement, it wasn't really often that Tim checked in on Jay when he didn't seem hurt.
Jay looked at him in confusion, and Tim's expression faltered. It was weird to ask that, to check up on him. Neither of them paid much attention to the other's feelings. Really, it wasn't like they felt the need to, nor expected it from the other. So, it was oddly placed when it did happen.
"I'm. Fine?" Jay responds, confusion stuck to his voice like a plastic seat to bare thighs on a hot day.
They both stared at the other in silence for a moment. More than a moment. The air felt stale and silence clung to it. It was. Odd.
"..How did you figure it out?" Jay mumbles quietly, but loud enough for the other to hear him. It broke the silence. "That you're. A man. I know we don't talk about it but. I was curious."
Tim laughs a little, awkwardly, and Jay clams up. His face turns red and nervous expression turns to a worried, embarrassed look.
"Nevermind, that's fucking. Stupid." Jay spits out, looking away from Tim.
"No, no it's not." Tim mutters softly, quietly. Just loud enough to hear him. "It's not a stupid question, you're just curious."
You could still hear the roughness of his voice. The frustration that usually came through loudly. It was just softer. Calmer. Like soft waves after a huge storm. The calm rocking of a ship as it moved through water as the sky cleared. It was kind, oddly enough.
And Jay looked at Tim, his face changing again, big doe eyes looking at him intently. The worry slowly fell away like meat off of the bone. It was calm for once. For this moment.
"Really?" The lankier man asked, and the sturdier one took Jay's hand to play with it a bit. It wasn't romantic. It was just calm. Just soft enough to feel it. He nodded a little in response.
"Yeah, it's not stupid at all, really." Tim smiles a little, head moving to the side a bit as he talked. Fingers brushing against Jay's in circles as he calmly fidgeted. "It's kind of hard. To explain? I don't know if you'd get it."
Tim's smile was soft. A lot of things about him could be soft, could be calm, could be quiet. Just quiet enough to see, feel, hear. Just enough.
"A lot of people say you have to be uncomfortable with the gender you were raised with. What society expected from you." Tim explains a little, softly. He exhaled a little, before looking up at Jay, dark eyes meeting his. "I never really got that. I was just happy to be seen as a man. It wasn't like being anything else made me upset or uncomfortable. Being a man made me happier than anything else."
Jay's eyes softened. Softened just enough to be noticed. He smiled a bit, and Tim noticed it immediately. It wasn't even something he had to ask really, but he could tell. They could both be soft in that moment.
Something clicked for both of them, in that very moment. It wasn't even a question if you really thought about it.
"So?" Tim asks, and Jay seems confused, or shocked even. Like it was surprising. It really wasn't. "You want to try something out?"
Jay smiles, chuckling a little. Just soft enough to be heard. His face creases a little, a smile more than genuine. Like nothing could keep him from smiling. He nods a bit, clearing his throat a little in an attempt to calm down.
"She/Her." She responds timidly, and Tim nods in understanding.
"Good to know."
And he pulls her up to him in a short, gentle hug. Firm, all the while. It was a new understanding for the both of them.
