#transharm please interact

[beast-of-revelations]

I need a conabuse relationship what the fuckk 🫩. Stop this situationship bs I just need to get with a guy who’ll verbally abuse me (with consent) and help me transition. Tips for making this a reality ig ???? Something man

[brines-cavern]

I think being restrained in some form with care would be nice in a certain way. You're struggling to get away from them, and panicking about how trapped you feel over everything. Instead of immediately attacking, they just hold you a bit tighter, telling you that you're alright. Reassuring you that you're safe with them. Their grip is still firm, but only tightens when you start struggling again: a reminder that you're still confined.

The panic persists for a bit, while they're telling you how good you are for listening— for staying, and not fighting them. You're still on edge; conflicted from being stuck somewhere, but the praise is nice. The fact that they're still there is comforting, even if you're trapped by them. They speak so calmly while they're talking to you: You don't get to leave, but who else would treat you like this? Who else would take the time to soothe you even after you've tried running? A pointless endeavour when there's nothing and no one out there for you— not like they are. Other people are too reckless and impatient with their things. Other people can't handle you like this. "Look at what all I do for you. Look at how well I handle you. You don't have to struggle. You shouldn't be struggling".

They tell you that you're safe with them: It feels comforting to you, even when something as basic as where you get to go is no longer in your control. You don't get to leave unless they allow it. You won't get to do much of anything unless they let you. The panic of control falling out of your hands yet again is still there, but at least you know where it's landed. You'll try this again, but they'll make sure you'll regret it one way or another. It'll ease you for a while to not be chained somewhere, but the comfort will fade along with everything else they provide. No one else is going to take care of you like this. You try again, but you'll end up going back to them one way or another.

[mementohikkikomori]

ai had mwy entire in system conabuse ritual sacrifice written down , the entire process took three straight days and ai documented all of it , and ai think ai fucking lost the whole fucking thing please no dude

ai am genuinely going to have a depressive episode if that shit is lost what

[brines-cavern]

I'm thinking about being open with someone about something I consider vulnerable, and I'm horrible at being vulnerable in a certain way– I think. It'd be an achievement I think, if they could get something that isn't a front. I tell them something, and then they tell me something else because it's not "open" enough for them, and they keep digging and I just– well, I'd probably avoid if it's not someone I have any interest or care for, but there's a lot of things someone can leverage when I am attached in some way, I think. I think being forced to just not avoid something is something that would be horrible for me, or at least so directly. I'm thinking about being praised after, but it's still double-edged in a way. It's a bit of a mockery, and they're very aware at how painful this is for me, so they take no issue with bringing the things I mentioned up again when I'm not expecting it, or just actively avoiding it rather than passively. Then I'm wondering if they'd do anything to push me to engage with it, still. Of course, I still want praise, and it would feel wonderful having that, along with a few other things, but it'd just me fighting with myself because I'm just innately solitary and it goes against everything that I am, amongst other influences that exemplifies it all ... There's also an added bonus of having my words used against me, in a way.

[brines-cavern]

Sometimes I think about someone making me stay up and talk about what's going on in my head while my meds have kicked in– mostly because I tend to just blurt things out when I've taken them, and they make me incredibly tired, which lowers my capability of thinking clearly. Though, a lot of this is me wanting this so I can maybe stop overthinking– but, it's still fun to think about with or without that part too.

Oh, and the idea of being pushed beyond what I can actually handle just sounds nice too. I don't really know what'd happen, but I'd imagine maybe shutting down– or the part of my brain that has immense control issues and perception issues takes a break so I just have nothing to hold me back.

[brines-cavern]

I was thinking about masochism, and I think mine is more in an all-encompassing way? It isn't just based or linked in fantasy, but just daily life– even really small aspects of it. It isn't necessarily relevant as to whether or not I'll actually enjoy it in whatever way I want because, I'm going to find comfort and joy in it at some point or another. I also just don't think that's the most important point to address either. I think I'm picky with who I let hurt me, but I think beyond that– it's just anything and it doesn't matter much if I like it or not because that's not the point of masochism to me? It's finding enjoyment in pain, but I think my brain has an ability to turn many things into something I can enjoy it find comfort in– the pain and such still exists besides it the whole time, though. If it just felt only good, then I don't think I'd go for it anyways, if that makes sense? There's still discomfort and anxiety and paranoia– but hopefully here, I can at least control how that's happening a little bit more.

[brines-cavern]

Sometimes I want to be praised and coveted like a really special object you've had for a really long time. You'd make sure it's still there, and that it's in a good condition, then leave and think nothing of it beyond the fact that you still have it, and it's still yours. Other times– I'd want it to be in a living being way, and that I'm good for listening and staying, or just being degraded about it too.

[s1llyfreakx3]

I don't have trauma... yet *evil grin slowly descending into maniacal laughter*