#traumadumping

[mothofmyth]

Tommy's reactions in the bar scene when Buck told him about Maddie getting kidnapped... imagine this poor man getting caught up on all of Buck's trauma.

Just... Buck definitely does not think before dropping bombs on his poor boyfriend. Why would he? Everyone he knows was either there for it or already knows about it from each other for the most part!

So, occasionally, he just drops some ridiculous fucking lore on poor unsuspecting Tommy without a second thought.

I just feel like Buck talks to his therapist about his actual issues with his trauma, and he feels like he's too much if he talks about the stuff with weight with his friends, but he'll still just casually say shit in conversation with a light tone as if it's normal.

One day over breakfast (once they've gotten over the whole ex-fiancée/himbo thing) Tommy's joking about a terrible date with Abby and Buck's like "oh yeah, we had some rough ones. Like when Patricia had an episode and I wound up riding a hot air balloon back to work. Or the time I choked on bread and she had to give me an emergency tracheotomy right there in the restaurant." And Tommy's just. Gobsmacked.

They're chatting about their younger years and Tommy's making jokes about the time he and his friend smoked a blunt made with oregano instead of weed because they got duped, and Buck's laughing and tats his tit with getting roofied in Peru and the laced brownies sent to the 118. (The Peru roofies didn't happen in canon, if you were concerned)

Tommy's boasting about being a great babysitter when they're asked to take Jee for an evening, and he says "I haven't lost a child in a shopping mall yet!" as a joke, and Buck's conceding "Okay fine but it was one time and you try keeping hold of an 8 year old in a tsunami" and Tommy is horrified and "Evan say more right now".

They're watching some crime drama and making fun of the ridiculousness and inaccuracies and Tommy's like "That is not how blood spatter works when someone gets shot. You're telling me there's no exit wound but somehow the blood still sprayed out the back of his shoulder?" And Buck's laughing along like "Yeah, when Eddie got shot in front of me it didn't look like that at all! Sure, I was tackled to the ground pretty soon after and definitely in shock the whole time but I remember that much!" And Tommy's like "Babe, do you want me to change the channel oh my God that sounds traumatic" and Buck's looking at him with confused puppy head tilt like he has no idea why Tommy's asking him this.

They're working out together and Tommy's hand slips off one of the machines and he accidentally catches Buck in the jaw and he's immediately up and apologising with big wet eyes and gentle hovering hands like "Oh God I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Evan what can I do how can I fix this I'm so sorry I would never hit you on purpose holy shit I'm a terrible person I'm so sorry" and Buck's laughing it off like "Chimney punched me harder than that when Maddie made me lie to him about her whereabouts for months when she ran off and tried to kill herself that one time, but you can kiss it better if you want" with absolutely zero self awareness.

Buck's complimenting Tommy's cooking like "I would do literally anything for your chicken noodle soup, Babe" and Tommy's blushing and brushing him off like "I think 'anything' is a bit far fetched, but if you really want to suck me off for another bowl, maybe I could be persuaded" and Buck's saying "I jumped off the roof and broke my own arm so my mom would heat a can of Campbell's for me, don't think I wouldn't do something more drastic for yours" so flippantly and Tommy's wide eyed and weakly begging "Please don't hurt yourself in the name of soup Evan"

Tommy's joking about needing a set of Jee's kiddy-reins for Buck when he wanders off a little too far at the zoo and Buck's grumbling "You get kidnapped and held hostage one time" and Tommy's asking "You what???" and Buck's replying "He just wanted to give his heart to his son, but they wouldn't let him because he was on death row! It was more Eddie getting kidnapped than me anyway, I wasn't even in the ambulance when he killed himself, I was with the other guy." "You were what?" "Athena caught my convict while he was dragging me through the hospital at gunpoint, and I only got pistol-whipped like once!" "Evan... please..."

Tommy's staring lovingly at his partner and telling him he's one in a million, and Buck's like "Actually according to the National Weather Service I'm roughly one in 15300, since I got struck by lightning that one time"

Tommy sees Buck grinning at his phone and jokingly asks "Not cheating on me I hope" and Buck's making jokes about the catfish and getting slapped by one of the catfish victims, and Tommy's already slightly horrified, but Buck's fully not noticing as he laughs "Are you gonna use my thumb to unlock my phone while I sleep just to make sure? I did it to Chimney once, when Maddie got kidnapped that one time. Athena got so mad at me but we did find her before she bled out in the snow so clearly it's effective. Then again, I can think of much more exciting things you could do to me in my sleep than just peeking at my phone." And Tommy's not even registering the flirtation because. What?

I just love the idea of Buck thoughtlessly telling people, especially people who love him and weren't there, his absolutely fucking crazy lore.

Ooh, bonus if he tells Maddie or Bobby or Athena things that he thought they knew about (because they were there but they weren't there, like they were in LA and in his life but somehow never actually heard the story).

Hanging out with Maddie and Chimney and Josh again for poker night and he's losing spectacularly and he turns to joke with Chimney like "Man, she's beating me harder than those guys in the rodeo bar on Main and third" and Chimney snorts and chokes on his beer while Maddie and Josh gape in horror and concern. (This one is not from canon if you were worried you missed something).

He's talking with Karen about therapy after the lab explosion and she's joking about wanting to be her therapist's favourite and trying to 'win' at therapy and the such and Buck's laughing along and saying "So long as you don't sleep with your therapist you're doing better than me when I started" and her and Athena go bug-eyed.

Chimney's apologising for punching him in the face that one time and Buck's trying to lighten the mood like "Everyone ends up wanting to hit me at some point. I think Hen is the only one on the team who hasn't injured me at this point. Unless you count Ravi. Pretty sure Bobby gave me a concussion when he slammed me into the wall. Totally deserved, I stuck my nose where it didn't belong." It does not lighten the mood.

They're at family dinner post-Gerrard and Buck's bantering about some of the shit Gerrard pulled in Bobby's absence, maybe even casually dropping how the man made biphobic and homophobic comments and uncomfortable jokes about Buck on some of their golfing weekends or whatever other trips poor Buck got dragged on. And Bobby in particular is giving the Patented Peepaw Side-Eye.

Omg and grown up May staring at her sort-of-step-brother in equal parts horror and awe when he casually drops the whole tsunami thing.

There are just so many ridiculously traumatic things that have happened in that show and I want Buck to carelessly throw around silly little anecdotes (deeply traumatic memories) with people he loves, expecting a laugh and instead receiving love and concern and further evidence that they do indeed care about his wellbeing.

Please tell me your ideas for Buck's Accidental Trauma Reveals, canon or otherwise. I love this concept so much.

[lavideenrose]

[chaoskirin]

The Internet and "Traumadumping."

The internet has done so much harm to the concept of friendship and what does and doesn't constitute "toxic" behavior.

On the other hand, the relative anonymity emboldens people to do things that they wouldn't normally do to people's faces. It's a really bad combination, and sometimes in the name of protecting their own peace, people attack others who genuinely need help and support.

The problem is, there's literally no way to tell the difference. Someone who serially abuses people uses some the exact same beats as someone in crisis or distress. There's so much on the internet that point-blank labels these behaviors as "toxic," and when those posts have a lot of notes, some people stop thinking critically about them and just take them as fact.

People who end their own life do factually exist in alarming numbers. But because there are also people who threaten suicide as a means to get attention, all people in crisis are labeled as attention-seekers and dismissed.

You also have to consider compassion fatigue. Most people who are faced with a friend in crisis will do their best for that person once, twice, ten times. But eventually they reach a limit where, again, they have to protect their own peace. Unfortunately, due to the nature of people in crisis versus people seeking attention, you don't know which people are actually telling the truth until long after you've expended the emotional energy to be there for them.

It is always OK to say "I'm really sorry, I can't be there for you right now," and it's really important that you start doing this right away. If you want to legit be there for a good friend when shit gets real, you cannot allow people you barely know to pour their issues on you--whether or not they're legitimately in crisis.

What you CAN do, if you still want to help, is have resources ready for them, and you can present them in a kind way. If someone's having a hard time with their family, you can be like "holy shit, that sounds rough. Look, I can't emotionally be your sounding board right now, but I have a couple things that can help. I've used them before myself. Here, let me get a link for you, and you can let me know how it goes after."

That is clearly setting a boundary and sounds less dismissive to a person in legit crisis than "You need to talk to a therapist."

It's so easy to get yourself completely saturated in someone else's crisis on the internet because it's usually text-based, and people have less of a filter when they're typing.

But what I really want people to stop doing is automatically labeling everyone that's "traumadumping" as problematic. They very well could be, but if you say that to someone who is ACTUALLY HAVING A CRISIS and then make a post about how problematic they are, and here's all these receipts, and you should all block them right away, well, that definitely can't help.

On the internet, those types of posts and callouts do so much more harm than word of mouth would do in real life. Often, those types of callout posts get thousands of views and shares, where the same kind of verbal callout might reach ten people.

If you tell someone "I can't do this right now" and they cross your boundary repeatedly, you can gently warn them that you set a boundary and they are crossing it, and if they continue, you will have to block them. Then, follow through. If you say "I can't talk about this," don't let them get you to talk about it.

If more people did this, then it would be less rewarding to abusive people to rope people into these long, emotionally draining conversations.

As a side note, even if you consider yourself "everyone's friend" and "a good listener" you have to learn how to fucking do this. Please. For your own mental health, you CANNOT be a good listener for people you barely know. You HAVE to set boundaries. YOUR personality cannot revolve around emotional fatigue.

I know this post is all over the place, but there is a balance between taking care of yourself and labeling every negative conversation ever as "traumadumping."

[bunniboiz]

[official-rolli-und-rita]

Hate being in Germany. "Nein, hier können sie nicht mit karte zahlen, sie müssen die 13.52€ in 1cent stücken abzählen wie ein totaler depp wärend alle ungeduldig in der schlange warten" du zahlst gleich mit deinem leben du bastard

[steence]

❌ "i don't wanna trauma dump"

✅ "i don't have time to explain my dark and tragic backstory"

[totallynotdead]

if your friends are 'traumadumping' and it annoys you, you can, like, tell them. you can use your words and verbalize that and tell them. you have that ability :) to say 'i'm overwhelmned, can we change topics.' that's you! you can do that! people sharing their issues isn't a moral failing or a burden! <3

if your friend disrespects the boundary you set (using your words, like an adult!) then you have a different problem. what you're describing is someone who doesn't listen when you say no, which is completely different from 'sharing trauma bad,' and i promise you the latter is what a whole generation of online queers have internalized

[duerede]

In my observation most of the uses of 'traumadumping' just covers normal non-abusive non-invasive but perhaps socially unacceptable behavior. Yes the lords and ladies at the downtown abbey dinner party might not like that you mention a messy divorce, a neglectful parent, a painful illness, but guess what! you don't have to care. It is the social order that is wrong.