#travis wolfe

[tiredgirlvent]

[neighborhood-goblin]

Wolfe: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Ted, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

[neighborhood-goblin]

@subrosasteath I cannot get over the idea of Wolfe like sitting Marty and Louie down and being like “Boys you have to be careful when you start dating people because we deal with a lot of confidential stuff on Cryptos so you have to be very secretive with your girlfriends.” And he gets v offended when the boys just cannot stop laughing throughout his entire speech and at the end, Louie just pats Wolfe on the back and is like “Yeah dude you don’t have to worry about any of that lmaooo.”

[neighborhood-goblin]

Wolfe: We call that a traumatic event

Wolfe, turning to Ana: Not a “bruh moment”

Wolfe, turning to Ted: Or a “major L”

Wolfe, turning to Sylvia: Or an “oof lmao”

[neighborhood-goblin]

Wolfe, walking into the kitchen at two am: 

Luther, sitting on the kitchen counter with a bowl of ice cream:

The Mokele Mbembes sitting next to him:

[neighborhood-goblin]

Wolfe: Settle down and have kids they said.

Marty, from the kitchen: PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

Luther: IT’S TOO BIG TO SMOTHER!! GET THE ANTI FLAMETHROWER!!

Grace: It’s called a fire extinguisher. A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!

[Glass shatters, something explodes, someone screams]

Wolfe: It’ll be fun they said

[neighborhood-goblin]

Luther: Fuck, I want to die

Wolfe: language

Luther: Heckity heck, I crave death

[neighborhood-goblin]

Wolfe: My kid’s snacks are organic.

Sylvia: My kid eats whatever he likes.

Luther’s Parents: Our kid eats candy off the floor