HOW I WOULD REWRITE HAZBIN HOTEL (IN A GOOD SHOW)
Okay, so I recently started imagining how I could rewrite Hazbin Hotel, and... surprise surprise, I realized that if they completely eliminated Lucifer and used a little cleverness, we'd have an EPIC season finale. But let's take it one step at a time. Here's how I would have rewritten Hazbin Hotel: I'll start by saying that this will be a rewrite based AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE on Viv's work, so I'll try to maintain the narrative structure she offers as best I can. That's to prove to the people that say that we had what we had due to the limited time and number of episodes that no, it's not like that: this is the lack of talent of Viv's writing.
I'm leaving the first four episodes exactly as they are. Sure, they have a lot to improve, but let's reiterate, we're trying to be as close to Viv's work as possible. And those episodes are fine: they're simple, they introduce the characters and their personalities well, and even if only a little, they give us insight into plots that we could easily explore in season two. In the first episode, we get a good introduction to Adam, in the second to Pentious, in the third to the overlords, and in the fourth we get a good analysis of Angel and Husk. Good. We like it.
Episode 5: Well, I'm completely DELETING this one. Not because I don't like Lucifer, on the contrary (maybe I'll do a post where I'll explain why I think he is one of the best representation of the Sin of Pride), but because right now he's completely useless: Lucifer adds nothing to the plot, there's no explanation for the conflict with his daughter, and Charlie never tries to point out to him that he's in the wrong and is responsible for the condition of the sinners. Their conflict could be interesting if explored further, but it wasn't (and it should be obvious, you can't start and resolve it in one episode, Viv!). All Lucifer does is steal an entire episode and therefore time that could have been used for something completely different. Therefore, I'm completely abandoning Lucifer (we can still keep him for season two, where we can explore his conflict with Charlie much better) and rewriting the story, pretending he doesn't exist (and considering what kind of character he is, is not even that strange. Even with the battle of the hotel ongoing, he probably wouldn't have noticed unless Charlie called him). So, how does that change things?
Here's the new version: Charlie is still desperate, but this time she doesn't have her father to connect her with Heaven. However, there's another angel in the room: Vaggie, who, instead of just standing there like a decorative ornament, decides to take the initiative. So, secretly, Vaggie goes to the heavenly embassy and contacts the person she believes is the only seraph willing to listen to her, namely Emily, and, playing it a bit, proposes the idea of redemption without letting her know she's a fallen angel. Emily is enthusiastic about it and organizes the process herself, not Sera (which makes sense: Sera had no damn reason to go along with Lucifer, especially considering she WANTS the Extermination to remain a secret. What was the point of her risking a 10,000-year-old secret just to do a favor for Lucifer? Emily, on the other hand, knows nothing, and being the Seraphim of Joy, she has good reason to want redemption. And so we avoided another plot hole). So the next day, Charlie and Vaggie are taken to Heaven (so in this version they go in episode 5, not 6), Emily welcomes them, and while this is happening, Lute notices them and runs to tell Adam. And here we find not the idiot Adam, but the Adam we met in episode 1: someone who, yes, is a little childish, but who has a plan to track down the dead angel's killer. We discover that Adam had planned the 6-months Extermination to put the demons under pressure while he was spying on them, and thanks to this, he discovered Carmilla is the killer. When Lute reaches him, we find him intent on explaining the plan of attack to his soldiers, which involves destroying Carmilla Factories; in this moment, we also better understand Adam's relationship with the other Exorcists, who, remember, from canon we already know they admire him. Basically, we show how much he cares for them even in his stupid and childish way. Lute reveals to Adam that Vaggie and Charlie are in Heaven, and he, after protesting to Sera and getting pissed off, decides to use Vaggie and threaten her just as he does in canon (and here we also see her backstory). The episode ends with Adam leaving and Vaggie quite desperate.
Episode 6: Since we have so much more time this time, the trial can really be handled properly. The episode opens with Adam rethinking his version of events regarding what happened with Vaggie: we learn not only that he was telling the truth when he called her one of his best girls, but also that he doesn't know what Vaggie was actually guilty of, having simply believed Lute when she told him she was a traitor, and it's shown that he's a bit hurt by this anyway. We also see flashbacks of Vaggie herself, showing how much she admired Adam and how she feels he betrayed her. This lays the groundwork for a nice mentor-mentee relationship that will come in handy later. The trial begins, and all that Angel stuff happens; but this time Adam brings Molly, his sister, to the stand, who recounts the horrible things Angel did in his life. Charlie finds herself cornered (also because Vaggie in this version is truly working against her, as she's scared of Adam), but Emily steps in to help her. Speaking to Molly, Emily is capable to bring out also the good things Angel has done, and gets her to admit that even though she was hurt by him, she's still willing to forgive him if he's truly changed. Thus begins her and Charlie's song, in which Adam, in a fit of rage, ends up confessing to the Extermination and, finally, to make her suffer, reveals that Vaggie is an angel. Sera announces the trial is over, and Adam, wanting revenge, tells Charlie that they've changed their plans: they'll now attack the hotel first, and then Carmilla Factories.
Episode 7: it begins more or less the same way as canon, with Charlie crying in despair and Alastor convincing her to make a deal with him. At that point, Vaggie goes to Carmilla (and this time with a valid reason. Carmilla doesn't help them because "Oh, I like you, so I'll put myself, my daughters, and all of Hell in danger because we danced together", but rather "If you lose, then Adam will come and kill me, so I'm forced to help you". And another plot hole is solved), while Charlie goes to Rosie. On the way, Charlie doesn't complain like a spoiled child like she does in canon, but rather tells Alastor how she's now conflicted, because she's realized that bringing sinners to their victims might not be good for them. Alastor, in turn, shows depth here, and instead of mocking her, he plays a bit of a father figure (thus laying the groundwork for the beef with Lucifer that we might see in season two, which in canon episode 5 is completely random), and advises her to be strong and stand firm on her principles, perhaps even telling her a few anecdotes from his life as a human. Anyway, Charlie meets Rosie, convinces the cannibals, and everyone returns to the hotel to get ready. Note: there's no reconciliation between Charlie and Vaggie, but Charlie in this version AVOIDS Vaggie, not loathing her like she does in canon. You'll see why soon enough.
Episode 8: we've reached the battle. In this case, my suggestion is to sacrifice comical and senseless gags for one reason only: the fight with Adam. This time, they don't leave Alastor to face him alone like an idiot, but Charlie, knowing how dangerous Adam is, faces him herself, accompanied by Alastor, Vaggie, and, why not, maybe even Carmilla and Zestial, who have come to lend a hand. They use some tactic, knowing he's stronger (by the way, Alastor is humiliated anyway, because we like to see him humiliated), and it ends with Charlie and Adam both falling to the ground. Adam is the first to get up, and seeing his soldiers around him dying at the hands of the cannibals, he gets pissed and starts cursing Charlie, accusing her of being selfish and judging others only based on her desires, and accusing her of pushing Vaggie away as soon as she discovered she was an angel, to prove that she only cares about appearances. But Charlie here reveals that she always knew Vaggie was an angel, and that she waited to talk about it because she didn't know how, and that the reason she pushed Vaggie away is because she herself doesn't feel worthy of her, given that she forced her to fight against her own old comrades (yes, I know, it's a little corny, but it still makes a lot more sense than Charlie finding Vaggie IN AN EXORCIST'S UNIFORM and not understanding the truth. Another plot hole solved). Charlie also confesses how she views sinners, and most importantly, that she understands Adam's motivations, but that she must defend her people just as he must defend his. Adam, at this point, sees himself in Charlie, both as he was on Earth and as he was in Heaven, and this affects him deeply. Now we have two scenarios: in the first, Adam still refuses to accept this and Niffty kills him from behind, as in canon. In the second, much more interesting, Adam, after seeing himself in Charlie, looks to the bodies of his girls again (and remember, in this version we saw how much he cares for them), and feeling responsible for that, he himself orders the retreat even though he could win, passing off his decision as a tactic because "all the demons saw us, so if we attack Pentagram City, they'll retaliate with angelic weapons, so we'd better go home and think of a real battle plan". The battle then ends, Charlie and Vaggie make up, the final song plays, and that's it.
So, that's my version. Can you imagine what three-dimensional characters we could have had if we had just taken the wasted time on a pointless episode and used it wisely? This way, we have the foundation for an excellent second season, from the relationship between Vaggie and her mentor Adam, to Charlie who has now much more mature, to Adam who now has doubts, and so on. Not to mention that no character would have been left flat (well... maybe Niffty, but she is basically the crazy gremlin), but we would have great depth on Vaggie, growth for Charlie, depth for Adam, and yes, even a little depth for Alastor. We would also have mantained the focus on each character that went on from episode 1: episode 5 would have been focused on Vaggie, episode 6 on Charlie, episode 7 a mix of Alastor and Charlie, and episode 8 on Adam again, closing the circle from episode 1, armonizing the structure of the series instead of brutally breaking it from the half. And all this, let's remember, not by adding new time or episodes, but just by eliminating a single, completely unnecessary character: LUCIFER. I don't think there's anything else to add.
