I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry but I want you to be too
I want to look down on you while you gasp and cry and feel the pain you caused me
and I think my therapist would say that that doesn't make me a bad person but I think it does
Because you can articulate the pain I caused you and I can't do that to mine I can just feel it but oh god I caused that hurt and I'm so sorry so sorry so sorry
Are you that girl that got assaulted at a charity event? Maybe you should reply to people so no one says the state or details
Please please stop sending me articles and details. It's very triggering and as a disabled person it's ten fold. i have had a panic attack because you keep flooding me and my personal. I don't care about you calling me fat or insulting my appearance but my sa in childhood is absolutely vividly disgusting. my disabilities have messed with sleep and my rp speeds.But I am trying to just have fun. I usually ignore you but I am begging you to please stop and part of me wants you to see how other people find this disgusting as I do. i really really want to fix it. I don't know why you are so upset with me. As far as I know, I am okay with everyone. Haven't even been blocked
so um, i had a panic attack last night. it had kind of been building all day and came crashing down the moment I was alone and though that I wrote this. enjoy i guess
This had to be the worst feeling. Your chest was so tight it hurt, like your lungs were trying to suffocate you. Your head hurt like you’d been hanging upside down on the monkey bars for half an hour. You were miserable, yet Sid slept peacefully.
All you could do was lay there, breathing manually, doing everything you could to will away the shaky panicked feeling that had a vice grip on your body. You focused on the soft sheets Sid insisted you had on the bed, the heat radiating from his side, and his breathing. No matter what you did, you felt your body begin to trembling. Feeling tears start to run down the side of your face, you sat up, scrubbing them away; forcing a deep breath, it burned. You continued to shake harder until the bed shook under you. You prayed Sid would sleep through this; he had a game tomorrow.
That wish decimated with the light on his side of the room clicking on. You heard him move behind you, given your back was facing him as you tried to ground yourself by putting your feet on the carpeted floor.
"Hey" His voice was sleep wrecked, the letters of the word running together in one drawn-out sound.
"Sweetheart, hey" He sounded more coherent this time, the bed shifted, and you felt him move closer until he touched you. His hand rested between your shoulder blades. It was warm and grounding in a way and somehow made you shake harder. Then he said your name, and it broke you. You sobbed and folded in on yourself, holding yourself like you afraid you’d fall apart like some sort of Lego man.
"Hey, hey, it's just me, come on," he tried to soothe wrapping his long muscular arms around you pulling you across the bed to his warm broad bare torso. He was warm, smelling like the charcoal soap you’d gotten him for Christmas, the ends of his hair were still damp from the shower he'd taken before bed.
He turned, pressing your chest into his, the rest of your body laid out carelessly next to him. He cradled the back of your head, leaving you to tuck your nose into his neck just below his ear. He rubbed at your back through the shirt you’d stolen from his side of the closet, rocking just slightly, doing his best to soothe you though he had no idea the mess he had awoken to.
"You're okay, baby, just try to breathe for me," he spoke softly, his voice deep and rumbling through his chest.
You moved to clutch onto him, your freezing fingertips brushing his warm, still tan-ish skin, forcing a shiver through his body. Sid moved kissing your shoulder, then turned his head to kiss your neck as you heaved another sob that shook your whole frame.
He let you cry, soaking his skin with tears and spit and snot that at any other given time would have been disgusting. You clung to him like he was air and you was suffocating. Through it all, Sid just held you. Murmuring about being okay and that you should try to take a breath when you were ready, constantly reminding you that he was there and not leaving.
Eventually, you pulled away; Sid looked at you. You were sure your face was swollen, your cheeks burned, and you sniffled as he reached out slowly to cup your face and brush a few tears away. No matter how hard he tried to hide his concern, his big brown eyes gave him away. A pit in your stomach opened, knowing the worry you had caused.
"There's my girl" was all he said, brushing his thumb delicately over your cheek brushing away a few stray tears.
"How about you take a deep breath for me?" He suggested.
You swallowed thickly then nodded.
"I'll do it with you," he promised, and you nodded.
Simultaneously you breathed in, through your noses, then out of your mouths. Sid looked pleased as you moved your hand to wrap your fingers around his wrist, feeling the pulse under his skin to give your something more to hold onto.
"That's good, bub," he smiled softly, just the corners of his mouth ticking up.
You took a few more breaths together till you finally felt yourself coming back a little more; the only invasion was exhaustion.
"If I get up will you be okay for a few seconds?" he asked.
You mustered a nod.
"I'm just going to go to the bathroom and get you a washcloth, so your eyes aren't puffy when you get up, okay" he explained slowly.
"Okay," the word felt gummy and sticky in your mouth. Sid slowly got out of bed then moved quick; you heard the water turn on then off a few seconds later, and the closer he got to our bed, you felt yourself getting shaky once more.
"See, I'm back," he said, crawling back into the same spot, immediately touching you again, knowing that was what you needed.
"Do you want to do it, or should I?" he asked, glancing at the damp, dark blue washcloth in his hand.
"Can you?" you asked; the same gummy feeling came with your words; it made your stomach hurt.
Sid moved and sat up a little, brushing the warm, soft cloth over your face cleaning up the dried tears, and brushing over your eyelids. When he was done, he tossed it; the fabric landed with a wet slap somewhere either on the bathroom floor or the sink.
"Feeling better?" he asked, reaching for the water he kept on his nightstand.
You nodded, grabbing the hand that rested in his lap lacing your fingers before using your unoccupied hand to trace over his fingers.
"Can you drink some of this for me before we try to get some sleep" he handed you the glass, and once it rested in your fingers, it shook. Sid reached back out and helped you move it to your lips taking a few healthy gulps before he took the now half-empty glass setting it back down with a heavy thud.
"Come on" he moved and held the blankets open for you to crawl under and nestle up against his warm body, the majority of the king bed gone to waste. Sid turned the light off and wrapped his thick body around you. His arms wrapping around your body, one hand tucking between your ribs and the mattress as you matched your breathing with his.
"Next time, please wake me up, my love," he hummed, pressing his lips to the back of your shoulder.
Me, staring at my gross food in a golden carrol on the verge of a panic attack because there’s too many people here that I do not know and who keep trying to talk to me:
No fue hasta que desapareció de las proximidades de la casa de los Nott que empezó a sufrir un ataque de pánico. Apareció en un sitio desconocido, un lote baldío donde el silencio surcaba el ambiente, su respiración agitada la única que escuchaba. El terror empezó a trepar sobre él, la ansiedad inmovilizándolo por instantes. Sus palmas se giraron de poco en poco hacia él, dedos manchados de rojo visibles gracias a la iluminación de la calle. Sus ojos ascendieron lentamente para contemplar el horizonte, para enfrentar la oscuridad, y no sólo la que le rodeaba, también la interna. De un jalón tiró el cuchillo y la pequeña hacha que escondía en su chaqueta, de otro se deshizo de la misma. Su respiración se agitó, su corazón aceleró el ritmo, toda su anatomía vibraba y la intranquilidad se apoderó de su sistema. Sangre, sangre por todas partes, en su pantalón, en su camiseta, en sus zapatos... Sangre. Era un asesino. Era un asesino. Comenzó a caminar, pronto internándose en un vecindario, sin conocimiento de a donde iba. Avanzaba a pesar de los ojos curiosos y angustiados a su alrededor, sin prestar atención a la gente. Caminó y caminó y caminó... Sin percepción de su ubicación, sin entendimiento de su destino, hasta que a unos metros un particular rostro surgió en la penumbra. Frenó de inmediato el andar y sus ojos se conectaron con los contrarios, el terror puro presente en las pupilas de Jonathan y su cuerpo temblando de arriba a abajo. ——— ( @tibcrixs )
So I just had a panic attack because I saw one of my old friends (she has caused me a lot of anxiety in the past) and I really haven’t had a proper panic attack in months. So I had kinda forgot how it felt and now I understand why. It’s horrible! Now after it I just feel empty and drained of all emotions. I’m not happy nor sad, just neutral.
