#trigger warning: epilepsy

[glassrunner]

[victoria8719]

I finished a romance book the other day where the FMC had epilepsy and I’ve never felt so stunned to literally see my inner thoughts about my own epilepsy just plastered in a book

[sanandalight]

Daily Teachings of the Masters, June 4, 2020

What if everything has been set up for your advancement? What if there were no errors at all? Simply experience. Simply opportunities to choose the power of love.

[rhodochrosite-love]

VIVID CLOWN BELOW please be warned, intense colors

[aryastarkofwinterfell]

Kylo Ren | Ben Solo in Star Wars: The Last Jedi

[sassycassie-s-writing]

Here For You

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): Avengers - Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Rating: PG-13 (just for seizures and epilepsy)

Original Idea: @emmaelizabeth2014 asked “If you are taking requests can you do one where the reader has epilepsy and Tom Holland or Peter Parker and [the reader] are in a relationship and he helps them through a rough time and is supportive? Thank you!”

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) I don’t have epilepsy. I don’t know anyone who does. I don’t claim to know a lot about it. But I did my best to do some research so that I could portray it as accurately as possible without misrepresenting it. ** Not sure if this is exactly what you wanted, but I hope I did alright! Under the Keep Reading option is a few bits of information from one of the websites I looked at in case anyone wants to know more.

^^^^^

“Okay,” Peter mutters under his breath, peering at his phone screen. “Abnormal electrical activity in the brain. I can... I can handle that. I’m Spider-Man. I can handle anything.” He’s lying to himself and he knows it.

But he has to be there for you. He has to. It’s, like, basically required to be a good boyfriend. And doggone it he’s going to be the best boyfriend.

Or so he tells himself to boost his confidence. So far he’s felt like a so-so boyfriend at best. Being Spider-Man takes a lot of time. Time that means he’s blown off two dates since you two became official, and the second one was the reschedule of the first one.

Honestly, he’s semi-surprised you’re still with him.

But you and he agreed: no more secrets. He told you he’s Spider-Man, and you told him about your condition.

Epilepsy.

Up until recently, you’d hidden it well from him. You owned two medical ID tags that explained your disease: a bracelet and a necklace. Sometimes you wore both, just to be safe (like the time Peter took you to a crowded concert in Central Park), but most often you just wore one. The necklace. You’d keep it tucked down your shirt so Peter didn’t notice it was there. You took your prescriptions and showed up to all of your doctor’s appointments on time.

He’d had no idea.

Up until he came out to you as Spider-Man. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us,” he had said. “Secrets damage relationships. So here it goes: I’m Spider-Man.”

That was when you told him about you and showed him your ID and explained what it meant.

And he totally understood---except that he didn’t have any idea what it meant. He knew epilepsy involved seizures so any date idea involving strobe lights was out of the question, but other than that, he didn’t know much.

“A commonly used definition of epilepsy heretofore has been two unprovoked seizures more than 24 hours apart,” he reads aloud from the article he was looking over. He cracks his knuckles. “Okay. I got this.” He types more into his screen, looking up symptoms and what to do if those symptoms manifested. He looks up what to do in the event of someone seizing.

“You’re turning into a hypochondriac,” Ned remarks upon peering over Peter’s shoulder. “Won’t your powers keep you from getting something like that?”

“I’m not looking it up because I think I have epilepsy,” Peter retorts. “Someone... we know... has epilepsy. And I just want to make sure... I know what to do in an emergency.” Peter’s eyes are on you across the room but Ned doesn’t notice. He looks around the cafeteria curiously.

“Who?”

“Not telling. They trusted it to me and if they haven’t told you that means it’s none of your business.”

Ned drops it.

^^^^^

You approach your boyfriend and his best friend at your lunch table. Ned is sitting next to Peter and Michelle is down the table just a bit, reading a book and ignoring the world---as per usual. You give her a grin when she glances up at you.

You sit across from Peter. He loops his ankle around yours under the table and smiles. “Hey,” he greets.

“Hi,” you reply, giving him a soft smile in return. Ned looks between you two, at your lovestruck expressions, and rolls his eyes, turning his attention to his lunch.

You can’t help but snicker to yourself upon noticing, before focusing on Peter.

“What’s up?” you ask. “Anything happening?”

Peter shoots a glance down the table at Michelle. Both of you knew she’d figured out that Peter was Spider-Man (something about “very observant” crosses your mind), but you still try to keep it down anyway. “Nothing. I mean, nothing world-ending. Everyday life isn’t that bad,” he says.

You nod. You think you’re nodding thoughtfully, but Peter sees it differently.

^^^^^

Peter watches your eyes unfocus and you nod absently.

“Babe?” he asks, nudging your foot under the table. “You okay?”

You don’t reply.

He shoots out of his seat and catches you as you list dangerously to the side. Ned blinks in surprise---he’d barely seen Peter move before the latter has you held tightly in his arms. “MJ, give me a hand with the door, will you?” he asks. She nods and pops to her feet, leading Peter, carrying you, out the door of the cafeteria.

^^^^^

The next thing you’re aware of, you’re lying on your back in the nurse’s office on her gurney.

You groan, a headache from the blinding fluorescent lights irritating your eyes, and rub your face with one hand. The other is being held down by something. “What happened?” you ask. “Did I have a seizure?”

Peter is sitting next to the gurney, holding your hand. “Not exactly?” he says, a question of confusion in his voice. “Your brain, like, completely checked out. You were still awake but your brain shut off. You fazed out and started to fall over. I caught you and brought you here because I thought it’d be better to be out of everyone’s eye. You twitched a little but it wasn’t like a movie or a TV show seizure.”

“That’s a type of epileptic seizure*,” the nurse says from her desk. “Are you feeling better now?” She looks at you.

You nod. “I guess,” you reply.

“So, what’s up?” Peter asks quietly. “I thought you said you haven’t had any seizures in a while.”

“I haven’t,” you reply. “Because of my medication. I might just need to up the dosage. I’m going to the doctor in a couple days for a checkup anyway so I’ll talk to her then.”

Peter nodded. He got off the chair he’d been sitting in and placed a gentle kiss on your hairline. “Okay,” he says. You can tell he still doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, but he’s trying. You can see it in the concern on his face. You reach up and set your hand on the side of his face and smile. He smiles back and gives you another kiss, this one on the tip of your nose. He never kisses you on the lips without asking first.

You sigh a little and turn your gaze away, not telling him the whole truth. You suspect this seizure was because of the all-nighter you pulled last night to finish a beast of an essay for the school’s resident dictator of an English teacher.

You know that you and he promised to stop keeping secrets, but it’s really not a secret. Not really. Not yet. You’ll tell him in a couple days when he’s less likely to freak out. You don’t need his overwhelmed, anxiety-induced rants or pacing up-and-down right now.

^^^^^

You went to the doctor, got your prescription changed a bit---upped the dosage, just as you’d figured and told Peter---and everything seemed to be okay. You hadn’t seized since the first time Peter took you to the nurse.

But then...

^^^^^

AP testing came around earlier than everyone wanted. Every AP student in the school was having mild breakdowns, some in the hallways, some in the middle of class. One girl passed out of dehydration in the middle of the AP English Literature test but recovered within ten minutes and finished the test on time.

You wish you could have been her.

Instead, you have your worst seizure yet in the middle of the AP English Language exam.***

You sit there, quietly doing your test, when the warning signs began. Black spots begin to appear in your vision. A dizzy cloud settles over your head. The dizziness is accompanied by a lightheaded feeling---like running a mile and then playing a tuba.

Your fist clenches around your pencil, snapping it clean in half before letting it go. The crack causes every eye in the room to look at you. After noting the source of the noise wasn’t anything dangerous, most of them go back to their own exams.

Right as your entire body goes stiff and you fall off your chair, eyes rolling into the back of your head and passing out.

^^^^^

Peter jumps off his chair, knocking it over, and rushes over to you. He slides on his knees next to you as you start shaking. You are completely unconscious. “You broke routine, didn’t you?” he whispers as every kid in the exam room continues staring. He guesses you’d stayed up too late studying and/or hadn’t had time for breakfast that morning.

His hand catches your wrist before a lash of your arm could smack the leg of the table where you’ve been taking your AP Exam.

The AP proctor, the AP English teacher, rushes over. “What’s happening?” he demands.

Peter looks up at him, still trying to keep you from hurting yourself while not crushing you with his strength. “Epileptic seizure,” he explains, tugging your Med ID necklace out from the collar of your shirt. “It should pass. If it’s not over in five minutes we need to go to the hospital.” He pauses. “Surely someone told you that one of your students has epilepsy. Seems dangerous to not inform the teachers.”

^^^^^

You come to in the nurse’s office.

Again.

Almost immediately, Peter’s arms are around you. “You’re alive!” he whispers dramatically before retreating to his chair and clinging to your hand so tightly you squeak. He loosens his grip. “Sorry babe.” He kisses the back of each of your fingers that he’s holding.

“What happened this time?” you ask. “I don’t remember... I went stiff and started falling but... that’s it.”

Peter bites his lip, like he doesn’t want to tell you. “Nurse Rinkman said that it was a clonic-tonic seizure,” he says after a moment. “You fell out of your chair and started shaking. Mr. Gregory didn’t want to let me take you out of the exam room but literally every single kid in the room started shouting at him for it and I just left before he could do anything about it. I’m sure they’ll let you retake the exam because of extenuating circumstances.”

“What about you?” you ask.

Peter, still holding your hand, rests his chin on top of both of his hands. He shrugs. “Hopefully they’ll let me retake it too. If not, I’m not too worried. The Lang exam counts for a humanities credit, not an English credit, for most colleges.” He smiles at you softly. “I’d much rather be here for you.”

You give him a weak smile back, still feeling exhausted. “Thank you, Pete. I love you.”

“Love you too,” he replies. He gets to his feet and peers over your face. “May I?”

“Of course,” you say.

He presses a tender kiss to your lips. You get a brief taste of his coconut-y lip balm.

^^^^^

Peter stays with you the rest of the day. He stays with you when your parents come and pick you up. He sits in your room the rest of the day while you rest. That really took a lot out of you and you just want to sleep.

So you do. You doze on and off, listening to him whispering to your parents. You notice he’s gone when you wake up for a moment, but he’s returning when you wake up again---this time with a mischievous grin on his face and two cartons of ice cream in his hands as he climbs in through the window.

“These are for when you’re feeling better,” he whispers, kissing the corner of your eye and nuzzling the side of your head, in your hair, with his nose, which is scrunched up with his little smile.

You grin, more awake now and already feeling much better. “Thank you, Peter. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.”

He pushes some of your hair out of your face gently. “You are most welcome, baby. I love you. And I’ll always be here for you.” He sits on the edge of your bed and wraps his arms softly around your shoulders, careful not to hurt you. You hug him back.

After a few moments of hugging, he looks at your face. “Are you feeling up for ice cream yet?”

“I think so.”

“Well, if you decide not to, I’ll just stick them in the freezer.”

You pull a face. “Let’s give it a try, Pete. As long as you’re here.”

“I’ll always be here,” he vows.

* Focal seizures with impaired awareness. Once called complex partial seizures, these seizures involve a change or loss of consciousness or awareness. During a complex partial seizure, you may stare into space and not respond normally to your environment or perform repetitive movements, such as hand rubbing, chewing, swallowing or walking in circles.

** Other ideas borrowed from this fic because it came to mind when I got this request and I had trouble finding descriptions of seizures from an epileptic’s point-of-view.

*** Tonic-clonic seizures. Tonic-clonic seizures, previously known as grand mal seizures, are the most dramatic type of epileptic seizure and can cause an abrupt loss of consciousness, body stiffening and shaking, and sometimes loss of bladder control or biting your tongue.

[glassrunner]

I’ve got this secret I can’t tell anybody Behind my smile is shadow

[glassrunner]