Another snippet into the travels of Mr. Mystery and Splotch! Now with a new friend! @chocolatinasworld you thought you were safe from my writing? Absolutely not.
I hope everyone enjoys Andy! He belongs to Tina!!
and Splotch belongs to @liz-the-box
Most of the time spent traveling through Rifts was guess work. He was at least a little better off than most. Mr. Mystery had learned how to follow the Paths from the Rift Chasers that had taken him in after he escaped the Nightmare Realm.
There were some constants though, and as he and Splotch made their way through the town of where ever the most recent portal had taken them, he saw a familiar building.
"Oh thank fuck," he threw his head back and sighed loudly.
"Ooooh," Splotch crowed, "that's another for the swear jar!"
"We don't even have a jar!" (He really needed to remember that this kid could hear, even after several months spent traveling together he found himself forgetting that little detail).
"P'shaw! That's quitter talk. I have the Jar of the Mind," she had her fingers pressed to her temples like she was some kind of telepath. "And the Jar needs a coin. Or else!"
"Or else what?" He should've known better than to challenge Splotch like that, because she took that as prime opportunity to jump on him. She was lighter than any twelve year old (at least he thinks she's twelve, Splotch certainly didn't know and he didn't think that was her fault) had a right to be and hung herself off his arm that he had held out away from his body.
He gave her an unimpressed look as she dangled.
She gave him one right back. (Oddly enough, it reminded him of Alex when he crossed his arms and argued with Shermie). Splotch dropped to the ground and had her hands on her hips, looking every bit disgruntled.
"Fine," he sighed, and gently poked her forehead, "Clink. There, happy now?"
"Coin accepted!" She held her arms above her head and cheered. Sometimes he wondered how or why she even still stuck with him. Splotch for her part, mental jar happily clinking away in her head, was humming her own tunes as she followed him. She liked that he never complained about that (every so often the stray thought in a familiar voice would say "ugh, could you stop humming for like a minute — I'm trying to read!" that thought hurt a lot, she didn't like it when it popped up).
"Where are we going?" Splotch asked for what was probably the fifth time.
"See that building down there?" Splotch looked just beyond where he was pointing.
"The one with the tacky sign over it?"
"Don't let the owner hear ya say that, but that's where we're goin', shouldn't be more than eh…twenty minute walk give or take traffic."
Splotch looked left and right and then spared a glance behind him, "What traffic?" The area they were walking through was pretty desolate. They had mostly been walking past farms, Mr. Mystery liberated some corn, Splotch liberated a few cows, it had been fun!
"That's just what the traffic wants ya t' think before it gets ya." Splotch nodded, accepting his weird old man wisdom. (She didn't actually know how old he was, when she last asked, he just said 'old enough to drink'. Mr. Mystery was cryptic like that).
He was right though, they arrived at the building in twenty minutes. (Splotch thought it was weird that it was here, because she could have sworn the place hadn't existed before).
The lady at the door was probably the baddest bitch the town would ever know. Towering at a perfect seven feet with shoulders sculpted to kill.
"You're so tall! You look like a giraffe!"
The lady was looking down on her like a goddess from the heavens, "and you're built like a baked bean."
"A baked!?" Splotch squeaked, "A baked bean!?" Mr. Mystery was taking the very mature approach of pointing and laughing.
"I always though I was more like a pinto bean," Splotch said pitifully.
"I like her," the giantess declared.
"If ya liked everyone, Andy would fire ya Diana," Mr. Mystery said.
"You're lucky I like you, now go on and get before I throw you outta here like I did on Waquwar. Shoo. Andy is expecting you," Diana gave Mr. Mystery before saying to Splotch, "and if he gives you trouble, you just come on out and get me."
(Splotch tried really hard not to fall the tiniest bit in love with Diana as she followed after Mr. Mystery).
As soon as they entered they were greeted by a loud voice booming, "Why if it isn't the man of mystery himself! Get over here! I got a bottle of chicha with your name on it!"
Mr. Mystery laughed, "How the hell did you get your hands on something like that?" He pulled Splotch in front of him and pushed them through the rowdy crowd to get to the bar. There was only one open seat available so Splotch immediately claimed it as hers, scrambling up the tall bar stool.
She was met by the puzzled expression of the bartender, "I'm gonna need to see ID."
Splotch, without a moments hesitation, pulled a card out of her pocket and slipped it across the bar conspiratorially.
Her Royal Highness of Highnessess: Splotcharonita
Age: nunya (rude to ask a lady!)
I can do what I want - signed and approved for by Big Goverment
The bartender looked down at the card then at her at least three times before his face cracked into a wide grin, decorating his eyes with crows feet. "I'm not going to serve you any alcohol but that was a nice try at least, your highness."
The bartender then looked back to Mr. Mystery who was not so conspicuously shoving the patron to Splotch's left off his stool.
"Since when do your drawings get up and walk around?"
"The only walkin' around my drawings do is when I put 'em on peoples legs," Mr. Mystery said, "Splotch this is Andy, best bartender in the galaxy."
"Really! How did you two meet!" Splotch hadn't yet talked to anyone else who had known Mr. Mystery (the guards at the prison they met at didn't count).
"Oh, it's a funny story actually! See-"
"Ah she don't need to know any of that, Guaro. Diana said you'd been expecting me?"
"Of course, of course, always down to business with you Mr. Mystery," Andy sighed, "Ceshri is looking for you, said they could really use your help."
Mr. Mystery blinked, "Ceshri? You sure?"
"You know any other bird brain-ed Rift Chaser that would specifically ask after you? Unless you made an enemy with someone with the same name, which I gotta say would be a hell of a coincidence."
Splotch tugged on Mr. Mystery's sleeve to get his attention (she had quickly learned that just trailing after him saying his name over and over again never worked. Sometimes she thought maybe he found her too annoying, and one day she'd wake up and he'd be gone, finally done with her). "Who's Ceshri?"
"Friend o' mine, I owe them a lot. If they're looking fer me, then that'll be our next stop."
"Did I ever tell you how I met Ceshri? It was oh, some decades ago, I don't remember, but they came in with four others who I knew were just looking for trouble, so I says to my cook in the back to keep an eye out -this was before I hired Diana of course, she's a tough beaut, really saved my ass on more than one occasion, but before her we just kinda let everyone in and hoped for the best- and my cook…he's a good guy. Not nearly as tough as Diana, but really who can be as tough as her! Anyways, he's keeping an eye out for me when BAM! They start a karaoke competition! Right there in the middle of my bar! Oh it was hilarious, one minute I'm praying for my hide and the cook's thinking we aren't going to get out of this without less than three shiners when really, they were trying out for Galaxy's Next Number One Idol!"
Mr. Mystery took his chance to discreetly reach down to the bar, fishing for that bottle of chicha, but without missing a beat, Andy pushes him back, making him fall on top of the poor soul he already knocked over to steal the seat.
"Ow! You know, Guaro, my back isn't getting any younger," Mr. Mystery grumbles from the floor.
"Were they good singers?" Splotch asks completely ignoring her fallen companion (he deserved it).
"Oh by the Eyes of the Great Watcher, NO," Andy just about doubles over laughing, "but they were a riot and a half. If you get to meet Ceshri just mention the Numa Numa to them, it'll be so funny, I promise."
"Mr. Mystery you alright down there? My boys haven't swept yet so you might wanna get up before you catch something."
"Or get stepped on!" Splotch added helpfully. There's a lot of grumbling coming from the floor before Mr. Mystery finally pops back up.
"One of these days I won't get back up," he grumbles.
"You're barely 37, quit your whining."
That earns him a suspicious squint, "How'd you know that?"
Andy shrugs, "you got 37 year old looking bones, how should I know. Anyway, if you're going to be in town mind giving me a touch up? I'll let you and your little stowaway sleep in the guest room and Margarite will cook you up whatever we have. Free of charge."
It was a good offer, one he really couldn't refuse, "Sounds good to me then. I could use a shower."
"You could use three," says Splotch.
"I could dip you in paint thinner Roseart."
"You could but you like me too much!"
Andy smiles and wipes down their spots at the bar, "I can take you up now if you want, get a head start on that rest your old bones so desperately need."
Just as they get up, there's a loud BANG, a thundering crash and a shouted cheer behind them. "Andy," Mr. Mystery says slowly, "when did you add a fighting ring in here?"
"I wondered when you'd notice that! I got the idea from a new regular of mine, she's a hoot and a half lemme tell you, it's really been a boon to the business! And! Less fights funny enough. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. All that time wasted on fighting people myself when I could've let them do it for me."
"CAN I JOIN!!?? I wanna fight that guy," Splotch pointed at a large man CHIN tattooed on his chin (unsurprising), "he's been looking at me funny, I just know it. I can feel it in my shoes."
"In your shoes specifically?" Andy asks.
"I think it's your bones. You feel it in yer bones."
"Well that's dumb. I can't feel my bones," Splotch says like it's obvious.
"Uh-huh," Mr. Mystery drawls, "either way, yer not starting a fight. Lead the way Guaro, yer bar won't let us find the door to the upstairs without ya." He scruffs Splotch, seeing that mischievous glint in her eye, he wasn't going to take any chances.
Andy gives him a knowing look, his eyes sparkling, "Sometimes I wonder how you know," and he leads them though a door that hadn't been there until his hand brushed against the paneling.
Splotch splutters indignantly the whole way, yelling about the injustices of it all before she's thrown onto a nice plush bed.
"Make yourself comfy, it'll be a long night."
"Butt head," Splotch sticks her tongue out at him, but like always, he doesn't say anything back. Almost like he didn't hear her.
