I did something very wrong, and I am deeply sorry for doing it.
I did not want to ever go public with this, because I did not want drama for anyone involved. But I was recently informed by someone else (I will not reveal their name, as I do not want them to be attacked or harassed for telling me) of this post that has made it public and is tagged "drama".
A couple of corrections:
These will seem like small things, I know, but in today's world of rampant inaccuracy, misinformation, and false information, every bit of accuracy counts
First, this:
I was in my TWENTIES, not my thirties. I am exactly thirty at the moment I am typing this. There is a pretty significant difference between how people in their twenties and people in their thirties think and act, I've seen it a lot in RL and online.
Second, they refer to me in places as a "guy" and have used "he/him/his" in reference to me. I am and always have been a woman with "she/her" (The use of "they/them" is absolutely fine)
Third,
The word in question was never used for that OC. It did occur on the sideblog, but was removed quite some time ago.
A bit more information
There are some things that have changed and come up since this happened that I either did not address (or if I did, I did a bad job/it was unclear) at this time or that I did not realize/had not come to terms with
First, at this time, the word in question was still very widely used in the small town where I live (a place that still uses the r slur a lot even today). The use of the word in question here has pretty much stopped in the years since this occurred. At the time, this wide use is why I suggested at one point it might be a regional thing.
Second, I have some emotional abuse related issues that I had not acknowledged at this time that very likely contributed to my actions here (this is NOT an excuse for it, just an important piece of information). I had ways of acting that I now understand were related to emotional abuse in RL that I came here to escape from and that I had not at this time recognized as being such. I do still have trouble with some of these issues, but they are not nearly as bad as they were at this time.
With all of that said...
There is no good reason to act in the ways that I did toward this person (or anyone). I have never forgotten this, in fact it has often haunted me especially as I came to regret these actions and realize that yes, I was wrong on all counts here. For whatever it's worth to anyone. I do deeply regret my actions here (have never repeated them) and if given the chance, I absolutely would do things very differently. And should the same situation arise again, I WILL do it differently. I am not the same person that I was when this happened, and I hope people will recognize that.
I will accept any and all hate/harassment/whatever that people see fit to give me over this, but I DO NOT want ANY negativity directed at this person. Furthermore, anyone saying anything to them claiming to be me or to represent me is acting on their own and without my knowledge (I would very much like to know if someone is doing this).
I do not have any real control over how people will react to this, so all I can do is tell anyone reading this to not be assholes to them. If you need to be mean for whatever reason, do it in my inbox. I am hereby relinquishing my rights to block and report anyone for harassment related to this (I still reserve that right for unrelated stuff). I will not defend myself as there is nothing to defend here. I don't want vindication or validation or anything like that.
The only thing I want is for this to be OVER.
