Intro.
I am troubled right now. I do feel that I am not utilizing my greatest potential. It is hard and I do need help in this matter. Fear do keep me from seeking help from others. I am scared that one day, this fear will consume me.
My academics are not in great shape right now. I will having my final examinations within the next two weeks. As an engineering student, it is very bizarre for me to write something for me. I need to pass all my subjects this term. I really love my course right now. I will not shift to another college or course. General subjects are the only ones that prevent me to achieve my goal. Speaking of that, what is my goal?
Goal is specified as the desired result. I really don't know where am I heading to. Is to a viper pit or a crappy work. Since so far my credentials do suck, it looks like I'll end up somewhere between the two. The word "desired" before "goal" keeps me wondering if I can still pull off something wonderful out of what I have and earned now. People do see me successful. Sometimes, I do ask myself if I am too kind for this treacherous world. My passive personality doesn't mean that I do not care for my future. I am annoyed that my family do not trust my judgement. Am I that unpredictable?
University life isn't easy as it seems. We do have very fast transition. Frequently, I can't manage my time between academics, family, friends, and those crappy classmates. At least, I know how those bullshit coursemates operate. Now, I partially know how to pretend that I do care for them.
There are more bullshit in student organisations. No one do really cares for the student governments. Because of very fast-faced academic calendar, students don't give a damn for those elections and plebiscite votes. Student government elections are always crap because in our school, political parties control the organization. Good thing, I did not and will not join those political parties. People do lack interest on those things because we have more stuffs that needs our precious attention.
I'm also not doing well in socializing. I am afraid to open up to others because it will make me vulnerable. Love is not my priority now. As always, people say that time will come but in reality, it is just a feel good reason not to seek or identify it.
