RPF is mandatory. Context: before this they had spent like 15 minutes discussing their dating experiences and that they decide to stay single because of the work/life balance.
Oh also ig here's a sketch i did a while back after reading @anonymous-dentist s fic weird science (cool fic, yall should read it, it has peak pangkey shenanigans)
do you ever think that maybe trzam feels a little off kilter that on teh realm pangi never needs her. shes so used to pangi depending on her that its a little strange that he doesnt here? do you ever think she might be worried about ruining what she thinks is his "perfect life" on the realm but pangi just wants to make sure she is ok.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lukey’s voice was soft, humming as he moved around. Pangi recognizes the song but can’t pinpoint it. “I’ll be there, just tell me where.”
or pangi is drunk and thinking too much
1,400k words
i fall back into my angsty roots
-
The street was slick with water, a fading smell from the rain overthrowing whatever else was around. Pangi’s shoes were an inch away from a puddle, threatening his heels. It was big enough that his head was visible from where he sat. The night with the asphalt made it hard to see his features, failing street lamps helping a bit. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
An abandoned wine bottle rested by his feet, nudging his foot with every slight wind. He imagines the glass would be freezing against his ankles. The lingering taste still coats his lips, warmth burning his stomach. He wonders if Lukey would’ve liked it.
Sighing into the air, Pangi ignores the scratching behind his eyes, staring at the stars. He felt miserable. His head wouldn’t stop pulsing, swirls of something trying to get through, something too big for his chest, his mouth. The cars felt far as they drove by, the wind forcing him back into reality, no matter how much he really doesn’t want to be.
Lukey was somewhere in his work building, burying his nose in some bullshit book. He always forces his emotions away and covers them with his work, no matter what he tells Pangi. He won’t budge unless Pangi starts the conversation, and right now, right this second, he doesn’t know if he could utter a word if a gun was to his head.
Glaring at his knees, Pangi’s fingers itched for the annoying bottle by his feet. It would be so easy to hold the neck, slam it down, cherish the shards flying around him. It would be cathartic, destructive, like its broken pieces could solve the pain in his chest.
God, this sucked.
Another car whizzed by, blaring some pop song that he only could understand one word of. He thinks he’s heard it. It must be popular on the radio, not like Pangi would know anymore. Lukey always controlled what music they listened to; it was always indie and whatever “the sounds of enjoying life” is. He’d squeak at the first beat of a song, like he already knew what it was, like every beat of the song was ingrained in his psyche. Pangi tried not to think about how he’d smile wide and dumbly, so open, so ready to sing his heart out to every lyric, no matter how much he was giggling.
Pangi pressed his palms onto his eyes, the shake in his breathing becoming too prominent to ignore. He bit his tongue, inhaling deeper and deeper, begging for whatever noise stuck in his throat would go away. The stupid bottle knocked against his shoe again. He’s not sure how strong he is anymore.
He felt nauseous, his heart beating against his ribs, this raw energy breaking against his skin. He was sure it was ripping through his body, begging to be released, begging to be put somewhere. Pangi pressed his head against his knees.
He misses Lukey.
A jolt of anger forced a noise out of him, quiet and violent. He bit his tongue harder. It wasn’t fair how everything was so overwhelming, so annoyingly present. It wasn’t fair that Lukey was Lukey. It wasn’t fair how he could giggle and Pangi would find the world worth his energy. How just being next to him made him so happy. How he makes him so happy.
Pangi licks his lips, the faint taste of the wine lingering. He hates how he wishes Lukey could taste it off him. Pulling his knees up, he keeps his head in between them, trying to muffle the sob. He misses him. He misses him so much.
The tears are unfortunately sobering him, the sobs being ripped from him, painful and violent. He’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or pent up emotions, but whatever it was, it hurt. It felt like everything was crumpling up like a piece of paper, a second away from being lit on fire. Pangi could hardly breathe.
He’s not sure when he grabbed his phone, nor him pulling Lukey’s contact up, but the rings are entering his brain too slowly for him to stop it. He continues crying, his stomach twisting in how hard he’s hacking, everything built up clawing out his body. He needs him. He needs to talk to him. He needs to hear his voice.
“Pangi?”
Lukey sounded far away and he wasn’t sure if it was because of proximity or how hard he was crying. He barely was able to cough up a hello, his body thrashing to breathe. He wants him to be with him. He’s the safest he ever is when he’s with Lukey.
“Pangi, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Lukey,” he chokes out before another rack of sobs. He presses his head so hard against his body that he’s scared his neck will snap.
“Honey, where are you?”
Pangi hears paper rustling, loud screeching of something against an object. He tries to think of where he is, louder cries rippling through. Lukey is shushing him.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lukey’s voice was soft, humming as he moved around. Pangi recognizes the song but can’t pinpoint it. “I’ll be there, just tell me where.”
Heaving, Pangi lifted his head, blinking away his tears as he tries to grasp the world again. “My house,” he coughs, trembling from the rush of cold on his cheeks. “I’m at my house.”
“Thank you, honey,” Lukey continues to hum, distinct and loud in Pangi’s ears. He knows this song, he knows it. It’s something Lukey showed him a week ago, a month at max. “I’ll be right there.”
“Don’t go.”
Sniffling, Pangi tightened into a ball, hands shaking in tune with his lungs.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Lukey’s smile was audible.
“Thank you,” concentrating back on the humming, Pangi hums along, his cracking from the tears. He hears Lukey chuckle, humming louder, more deliberate.
They continue through the song, Pangi being lulled as Lukey whispers the lyrics. He faintly notices the song is repeating before a pair of footsteps stop beside him. Pangi is clinging to his phone still, eyes glued shut, waiting for more humming like it’s his lifeline.
“Pangi?”
Lukey was crouched in front of him, his lab goggles hanging from the collar of his shirt, lab coat barely buttoned fully. Pangi could barely make out his features with how thick his eyelashes were. A whimper left his lips before Lukey surrounded him with his warmth, holding onto him like he’s the universe, his universe.
Despite it being a few days, the skin of his neck still felt like home, the tickles of stray hair pressed hotly against his cheeks. Pangi sniffles, cringing at the wet marks he’ll leave. Lukey just holds him tighter.
“I’m so sorry,” Pangi whispers, grasping at Lukey’s coat, forcing them as close as he could. He missed him so much. “I’m so, so, so sorry.”
Scratching his scalp, Lukey shushed him, pulling him further into his arms. Pangi was still crying, quieter, but Lukey was kissing his hair. He was kissing his hair and cradling his head, acting like he could fit Pangi into his chest. “I’m here, love.”
“I’m so sorry–”
“I know, I know,” lifting his head up, Pangi was guided to look at Lukey. He was smiling with his stupid gentle smile, his eyes filled with so much care and love that Pangi wanted to throw up from the emotions.
“I didn’t wanna mess us up–”
“I know.”
“I promise I’ve been trying–”
Lukey rubbed the tears of Pangi’s cheeks, holding his face like it was delicate, like it would crack into a million pieces. Leaning in, he kissed Pangi, holding their lips in a seal of softness. He could taste the saltiness of his own tears, slipping between the cracks of their lips. Lukey still continued, pressing kisses from the corner of his mouth, up to his cheekbones, to right under his eyes.
“I’m happy you’ve been trying,” kissing his nose, “and I’m happy you trusted me,” the divet next to lips, “and I’m so, so grateful I can have you in my arms again.”
Putting their foreheads against each other, Pangi felt his breath shake as he held Lukey’s hands. He swallowed down a hiccup.
“I love you.”
Squeezing his face, Lukey kissed him, clinging to him as if he would disintegrate. Pangi could feel his pulse speed up from his wrist against his neck. He was fairly sure Lukey wouldn’t say it back, but hope still swirled in his gut. He’s not sure if it was lingering intoxication or euphoria of having Lukey back.
Backing away from his face, Lukey took a moment to stare into Pangi’s eyes. They were so bright from the streetlamps, shining with something Pangi has seen millions of times. Smiling, Lukey pecked his lips again, whispering against his lips, almost too quiet to hear. The only confirmation being the feeling of his breath against his lips.
