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change
verb, changed, chang·ing, noun–verb (used with object) to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of
(something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone
i have had this post for a while now in my draft box but never got to publish it and i'm not going to because things have changed - as they always do. the firs should have been about change in behavior but right now it seems such a trivial topic.
starting from x-mas time to new years eve people think of how to change their lives for better. Why not think like that every day? what is so significant about this day of 31.12. Yes, the calendar start over. Yes, you're having a blast. i believe in magical thing and fait and a lot of stuff but to believe that you can make a life changing decision only once a year when you're drunk is just an excuse to not make them at all.
something about this year that makes me wanna cry when thinking about the 2012. is it the fact that 2011 was so rocking that you want to repeated it all over again or the fact that you year was so full of opportunities that you had to choose witch one to take or it might be this feeling of emptiness inside you. not the dark emptiness - more of the feeling that you don't know what is going to happen, you don't have a clue what to expect. call it the numb black hole. there are going to be people telling me, "that's the exciting part!". it is and it's not at the same time. i know that i will still be in uni, i will have my AIESEC project, i will go to London in January, Lisbon in February, i will get a job for the summer in UK - i make them. i'm just don't know if there are going to be the opportunities i got this year that helped get me a job in UK. as i'm talking about the cultural capital year that boosted my knowledge in a lot of thing, put me in situations that i didn't know i cope with, made me accept new thing, made me fail in some of those etc. i can make a lot of things for myself but what i want to know is that there is a high chance of the coincidence that can change your life - the magical things.
the greatest change of this year would be the departure of Francois. "who is this Francois guys? " you might ask. in his case using the word 'awesome' is needed as he is the most awesomest person who was born of awesome. specifically Trumm-It (http://www.tallinn2011.ee/?id=380) drum teacher. this singel transaction puts a question mark on so many things - who is the next teacher? when is the next time i'm going to play the drum? when will i see my orchestra mates? how will it all work out? will we be playing the same rhythms? etc. i just so hard to say good-bye to a person who you saw every week for 2 years, you learned so many thing (not only rhythms), you had so much fun with and now you don't when you are going to see him again, learn from him again. i'm so happy to have gotten to know him that he is going back home to his family just the numb black hole makes it so hard to say good-bye. as i think of things to write makes me wanna cry again - i need to stop thinking about it right now.
quote that i'll never get tiered for repeating was said by Aivar Haller: "The only thing that will never change is that everything changes." But when that change occurs then there is nothing more left that letting go of the old and saying hello to the new ones.
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