Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back: When Trust Gets Tested
When Trust Takes a Hit
As I sit here this morning reflecting on last night, I find myself feeling frustrated, disappointed, and honestly a little sad.
As the mother of two daughters in recovery, trust has been one of the hardest things to rebuild over the years. Recovery isn't just about the person struggling with addiction. It affects the entire family. It affects how we communicate, how we worry, and how we learn to trust again.
Last night, I found marijuana in a vehicle that did not belong to the person who left it there. Let me be clear, I am not against marijuana. In fact, I believe it can be a more natural alternative to some prescription medications that often come with long lists of side effects and complications.
My issue wasn't the marijuana itself.
My issue was the lack of respect, the poor decision-making, and the fact that it was left in someone else's vehicle without permission.
Of course, no one admitted ownership, which only added to the frustration.
My husband was upset. I was upset. But as often happens, I was the one left dealing with the emotions, the conversations, and the disappointment that followed.
The hardest part isn't the marijuana.
The hardest part is feeling like we've spent years working to rebuild trust only to have something happen that knocks us backward. Sometimes it feels like we take two steps forward and three steps back.
That's the reality many loved ones of people in recovery face. We celebrate progress. We cheer for growth. We acknowledge the hard work that recovery requires. But when trust is damaged, even in small ways, it can reopen old wounds and old fears.
Because trust isn't rebuilt through big promises.
Trust is rebuilt through consistent actions over time.
As a result, there will be more rules regarding our vehicles moving forward. Not because we want to control anyone, but because boundaries help protect relationships. Boundaries are not punishments. They are tools that help rebuild trust and maintain respect.
Today, I am reminding myself that one setback does not erase years of progress. It doesn't erase recovery. It doesn't erase growth.
But it does remind me that healing is rarely a straight path.
For those of you who love someone in recovery, have you ever felt this way? Have you ever found yourself discouraged after thinking things were finally getting better?
If so, know that you're not alone.
Sometimes loving someone through recovery means learning how to hold both hope and disappointment at the same time.
And some days, that's harder than people realize.
— Ilana Hurst Founder, Executive Director & Educator Healing Pathways Community Recovery Support for Loved Ones
