Positives In the Face of Negativity
aI love a lot even if negative thoughts overwhelm the subconscious
The first thing that even pops into my mind when it crosses my thoughts is Micheal. Though that’s a storm I refuse to bare on a sober mind.
His issues overtake mine and make me a puppet when I let them.
My interests are what folks never ask ‘bout.
Color; Navy blue. The color of sadness on a cold Sunday. The ocean and it’s unforgiving face. The color of my mama’s jacket as she took me to the park when I was young; carefree as we picked different plants for remedies.
Food; Peanut butter and jelly. Takes me back to my childhood. The taste of sugar rotting out my teeth and mind as I could look into my pop’s eyes and find only love filling them.
My favorite object in the whole world is the dark green jacket Given owned before he passed on. Not surprisingly it reminds me of him. I hold it close to my chest and in a sense he’s still there hugging me. I took it when I left the kids. But with Micheal I don’t need it as much.
Music surrounds my soul and fills it. For songs I can’t exactly pick one. I have so many just that bring me back. Though; here are a few notable mentions
Elle King - I told you I was mean - The attitude fits how I try to act. Mean despite the pain that swells every time I am. Part of me wants to be a good mother while the other wants to tear my kids to shreds. Conflicting and confusing? Yeah I know.
Paul Anka - Put your head on my shoulders - The first song my fella and I danced to alone and in peace. We ruled the world that day.
Bernadette Carol - Laughing on The Outside - A general explanation of my ‘Stonewall Jackson’ persona. If I don’t look hurt, then I can’t be hurt.