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Aug 13, 2016

Teen Wolf Season 1 Episode 9

Thoughts as I watch the ninth episode. Note that I already know some of the things that happen. Obviously spoilers, not just for this episode, but later ones as well. It’s best not to read unless you’re caught up, because I know things all the way up to the most recent season. Anything in italics is either sarcasm or a really, really dumb joke. This is super long, by the way, and not just because of tumblr’s automatic double spacing. This makes the most sense if you watch the episode as you read, or read it after you just watched the episode.

All episode reviews for Teen Wolf can be found here.

Queue integrated recap. My comments on the previous episode can be found here, so enough about that.

We have that one snarky teacher that always seems to say things that are relevant in some way packing up and going from his classroom late at night.

I googled his name, just to check. It’s Mr. Harris. Well, Mr. Harris, it’s no good for anyone to be out this late in Beacon Hills, regardless of profession.

He picks up a piece of paper that was sitting on his desk. It was a list of different names ending in Harris. Only the very last name on the list, which, I think it says, “Adrian R. Harris”, doesn’t have an x marked beside it. I wonder who left it there. And why.

There’s a strange growling in the corner of the room. Mr. Harris says, “Please don’t kill me.” “Do you know who wrote that list?” a demonic voice asks. “Laura. Laura Hale.” Damn. That’s Derek’s sister, isn’t it?

“Do you know why she was looking for you? I know why. Turn around and I’ll show you... Look at me! Look at what you’ve done!” This must be the foreshadowing that reveals that Peter is the Alpha. Does this mean that Mr. Harris had something to do with the Hale house fire?

“Get down!” A voice (which I am pretty sure belongs to Derek) cries and grabs Mr. Harris so that he doesn’t get hit in the back of the head with a chair.

Yep. That was Derek. Interestingly enough, as soon as Derek arrives, the Alpha leaves. So, Mr. Harris knows about the supernatural. It explains why he comforted Jackson after the Alpha attacked the video rental store.

Police immidely arrive after. Oh, so this must have been a trap to get Derek in trouble.

We then cut to a scene of Derek managing to run in front of the police cars that are chasing him. I know he’s a werewolf, and that’s the only reason why he’s managing to stay in front of the car, but that just looks so bad ass.

"Running?” “For fucks sake. Yes, he’s running. How many times to I have to tell you?” - Totally Chris Argent

“If he’s on foot, then who the hell is driving his car?” We are shown Scott driving Derek’s car. Wait, I thought Scott didn’t have a licence and that’s why he takes the bike. Does he take the bike because he doesn’t have a car or is this a severe case of an illegal speed chase?

The release dogs to chase after Derek. If you couldn’t catch him with cars, then there’s no fucking way you’re going to catch him with dogs. Just saying.

Derek snarls with his wolf face and the dogs run away from him, whimpering. Wait, how is Derek going to explain what the police officers just heard? Derek criticizes Scott for not thinking logically when he activates his wolf powers, and yet he pulls shit like stabbing human Jackson with his nails, running just ahead of a police car, and scaring off some dogs with his wolf growl. Hypocrisy at its finest.

Teen Wolf strikes again with some seriously strange music. What the hell even is this?

No, you’re not going to die. Regardless of the action Scott decides to take, they want Season 1 to be character development rather than character death, so you’ll survive this.

“They’re gone.” Don’t speak too soon...

What caused that explosion, though? Chris Argent? Probably.

Dere ee is.

Wait, didn’t he just reload a crossbow? Also, where was he hiding that huge ass gun? That obviously has a lot of weight, so it shouldn’t take Chris Argent less than three seconds to pick it up and start shooting it at the car. Unless it just looks chunky and is mostly hollow on the inside? I don’t know very much about guns, so I can’t be sure.

“Yeah. Because someone made me the most wanted fugitive in the entire state!” “Can we just get past that?” No. Because you, Scott, had the option of saying that you didn’t know who it was and you chose to pin it on Derek, who has done nothing but try to help you this entire time. Ungrateful asshole. (p. 3)

AAA STOP LOOKING AWAY FROM THE ROAD, SCOTT.

“Some kind of symbol.” Oh. That’s the Argent family symbol, right?

“It’s easy. Just say, ‘Hey. Allison. I need to borrow your necklace.’” If only it were that easy. What kind of excuse are you going to make for borrowing the necklace? She’s going to want to know. If you were a girl, you could at least make the excuse of wanting to wear it for the day. And even if you do ask, there’s always a chance of her saying no, regardless of the reason.

For once, Scott actually shows concern about other people overhearing them about the supernatural stuff.

“That’s why you ease back into it.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But seriously, that is a classic manipulation (read: TRICKSTER) tactic there. I’m not shocked that the nogitsune chose Stiles as his host. Questionable morals + trickster tactics + no one would ever hurt Stiles = PERFECT HOST FOR EVIL TRICKSTER SPIRIT.

I would know, seeing as my icon suggests, I also happen to be a trickster.

I’m not a fox, but I know a good bartering chip when I see one.

“You’re thinking about her in the shower, now, aren’t you?” “Yeah.” “Stay focused, okay?” Frikin horndog.

Or hornwolf? Would that be more appropriate?

“What did you say it was that scratched you?” “Buhdlkfkhf just. Some kind of animal.” Animals do a lot more of actual scratching rather than impaling with claws in a precise manner. But. Okay.

Also, if the injuries start glowing, what are you going to say to this doctor?

“You had troubles sleeping lately?” Does this guy know about the supernatural? Or is he just asking because it’s standard procedure?

“...I’ve been having dreams.” “Dreams? Or nightmares?” We need to keep an eye on this doctor, I think.

He mentions a house fire and hearing people scream. So, did Derek transmit these memories on purpose or by accident? That is the million dollar question.

How many times can one blink in a shot. Let’s see...

6:21-6:31

He blinked about fourteen times within the span of approximately ten seconds.

Why?

“What does this have to do with anything?” For once, Jackson complains for a good reason.

“Nothing. I hope.” And he pulls out tweezers. Sir, what are you planning on doing with those...?

“Taking a closer look.” At what? It’s not like the claws got jammed into him or anything.

“In order to do that, I might have to dig a little deeper.” #PrayForJackson2k11

OH GOD WHAT IS THAT!

It looks like the medical science version of a Swiss army knife Jesus Christ.

“What are those?” WHAT ARE THOOOSE.

*Jackson clearly flinches in pain* “That didn’t hurt, did it?” “No. It was just... cold.” Hmhm. Yep. Sure.

“Hey! Hey! Stop! It hurts.” “Just hold still.” His wound is bleeding. It just closed and now it’s probably going to scar. Asshole. (p. 1)

Oh god what the hell.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHAT IS THAT THING COMING OUT OF THE BACK OF HIS NECK OH GOD.

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS SOME KIND OF FREAKY DREAM/HALLUCINATION THING.

Derek? I didn’t know you’re a qualified doctor.

Oh thank god it was.

The doctor is normal then...

Or is he?

How does being stabbed by werewolf claws cause Aconite poisoning? That’s incredibly counter-intuitive, and also doubles by making no sense. This makes as much sense as burning the wolfsbane and putting it into your injury to heal it, because that works in universe somehow.

Wait, if burning wolfsbane reverses wolfsbane poisoning, then would burning sections of Derek’s claws and putting those into the wounds stop the transformation from human to Kanima? #thingstothinkabout

Well, I mean, even if it did work, I don’t think Derek would appreciate an impromptu manicure of his wolf claws. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Wait, do all werewolf claws have aconite in them?

Just use your computer at home. Lazy ass.

“Aren’t you a friend of Scott’s?” “Yeah. Yeah. Always. We hang out all the time. I love Scott he’s my best friend. We give each other claw manicures and everything.” - Totally Jackson

I can’t believe she fell for that.

I hope she checks the internet history. I wounder what Jackson found. Perhaps he’s finally admitting to himself that just maybe the supernatural is real. Is he going to pack up some wolfsbane and use it on Scott? Just to see what happens? We’ll have to see.

“I know what you are McCall.” “A special snowflake main character.” - Totally Jackson

Uh oh. Jackson is threatening to hurt Allison. “And she’s going to find out about it, too.”

“Did he say it out loud? The word? Werewolf.” You know, if you act paranoid about people overhearing you talking about werewolves in the hallway, people are actually going to realize that you’re not talking about some fictional characters. That’s always the best excuse for covering up weird things. Just tell anyone who’s sticking out a snooping ear that you’re talking about some characters from a TV show or you’re talking about a roleplay session. They’ll think that you and your friend are huge nerds and stop listening. That way, they’ll never know the truth.

Unless they’re your huge nerd friends that like that sort of thing. In which case, use an excuse you know they don’t care about, like Twilight, or...

Twilight.

Yeah.

Or some obscure book about ghosts.

They’ll think you’re weird, but whatever. It saves you from telling the truth that is too strange.

Unless they like that kind of stuff too, which...

Okay you’re fucked I can’t help you.

Just make up a story about roleplay with a friend that will always have your back.

Or just say you did it on Omegle.

Or say you were reading a really weird article online, or you were chatting with your friend that lives in another country.

That might work.

Don’t ask me why I have excuses ready for that sort of thing.

It’s a secret.

“Yeah, but who’s going to believe that you’re a werewolf?” “Allison’s dad.” “...Shit.”

Part One of Operation: Get Banged By Allison (But Not By A Gun) (Hopefully)

Remind her of why you were dating in the first place.

Who took those pictures of them, anyway? I significantly remember seeing these montages without them taking photos of their time together. So, who took the photos? How did they end up on Scott’s phone?

Now you’re telling me that not only can Scott’s butt text, but also take photographs? Damn. I need a butt like that.

“Why did you send me these photographs?” It’s Operation Get Banged or Get Hanged. Which one do you think Scott would choose, Allison?

Thank God. I am so glad that didn’t work on Allison.

Operation Necklace or Deathklace Part One Failed.

New Operation: Theft Or Be Bereft.

Basically the same, except for the fact there’s less relationships and nooses. I can’t promise any less guns. Or death. The Argent house might as well be made of guns. And death also.

The sexual tension between Scott and Jackson reaches new heights as they stare at each other from across the room.

“He’s watching us.” *Stiles looks over* Jackson: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Why is there a closeup on him biting the apple? Forbidden fruit symbolism??? Gay?? It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Get it right.

“You can hear me, can’t you?” “What’s wrong?” Jackson: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

He has those ninja cat skills.

Is he going to just appear right behind or off the the side, or has he just spontaneously vanished from existence as all werewolves tend to. Is he using the friction from static electricity to climb walls and hang from roof rafters and shit?

“I knew there was no way you got that good at lacrosse, which means your a cheater.”

If Jackson is still talking, shouldn’t Scott be able to have pinpointed him by now?

He’s starting to spontaneously crush the water bottle. Looks like those werewolf hormones still haven’t relaxed since the full moon rolled around. Still feeling like a lunatic, Scott?

Honestly though, who would pay for a water bottle that tiny? Just get a normal sized one. (Or maybe this school tries to be cheap with the tiny water bottles I don’t know.)

"And I’m going to get my hands all over that tight little body.” *throws up* Dude you nasty.

“You can’t let him get to you. You can’t let him have this kind of power over you, okay.” Stiles is starting to sound like those motivational quotes you see all over Instagram if you follow those fitness or health blogs.

Oh, how dare he tip his lunch tray ever so slightly. He didn’t even spill anything, but this is an act of treason.

Wait, if he can crush his oddly tiny water bottle in his hands without turning any heads, then why does the lunch tray bother literally everyone in the cafeteria? How did they even hear that? I mean, I would understand if he threw the lunch tray, but he didn’t.

Also, why was the lunch tray tip loud enough for literally everyone to hear it in a noisy school cafeteria?

Also, why did it take Scott that long to locate where Jackson’s voice is coming from? I thought he was a werewolf using his werewolf hearing.

Bats would do a better job of finding Jackson and they can barely see.

“I have an unfair advantage. You see these cheekbones? They’re aerodynamically suited for swimming in water.” Jackson doesn’t know what aerodynamic means, despite the fact that he is in high school. Aerodynamic means that it reduces drag from air, not water. That would be “reduces drag from hydrodynamics ” instead.

Oh god. Scott’s going through her bag to see if the necklace is in there. What is someone notices you? The cringe is real.

Also, why are you looking in her bag without knowing for sure that it’s in there? You’re risking a lot based on only an assumption.

Also, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d keep the very important family heirloom necklace at home rather than bring it around at school, taking special care to keep it as far away as possible from the school’s pool. You’d have to wait until the pool is drained to get it back easily.

Are you honestly telling me that NO ONE saw Scott looking through Allison’s bag during that time? NO ONE at all? Really?

“If it was a joke, then I would have put ‘haha’ at the end. As you can see, there isn’t any ‘haha’.” Okay, I do admit that while this guy is an asshole (p. 2), he’s still funny.

“I’m dropping some of the dead weight in my life. And you’re about the deadest... Actually, I’m dumping you.” Damn son. You could have at least let her off easy.

But nothing is ever easy with Jackson, is it? He always has to make everything difficult for both himself and everyone around him.

Is it normal for werewolves to just appear in other people’s rooms? Just how long was Derek standing there, waiting until Stiles came home? Just trade phone numbers and text or call when you need to tell him something, jeez.

Aww, Stiles and his dad, man. Sheriff Stilinski looks so proud of his son. These feels are just too reals.

Derek tries to threaten Stiles, but Stiles just shuts him down no problem. “Yeah that’s right. My house, my rules, buddy.”

Derek and Stiles have an interesting dynamic.

“Scott didn’t send the text for Allison to meet him there.” “So?” “So it wasn’t Scott.” Yeah it was. Well, he wasn’t aware, but it was his butt that texted for him.

Wait, Scott somehow (sneaked? snuck? snaked? snaked.) snaked his way all the way up Allison’s room, which is on the second floor of her house, no less, without being spotted in broad daylight. Really?

“How did you know I could do that?” “I looked at your arrest report.” But what did Danny get arrested for? I need these deets.

“I was thirteen and they dropped the charges.” If he looked at the arrest report, he would have already known that. No need to tell him.

Also, that still doesn’t tell me why he got arrested.

“My cousin... Miguel.” I like how Derek looks up from his book slightly and is then like ‘Whatever. Fuck it. Close enough.’ and goes back to his book.

“Is that blood on his shirt?” “Yeah. Miguel has... terrible nosebleeds.” Unless he’s an anime character, I don’t think that the blood would reach that low on his shirt.

Hell, even if he was an anime character, the blood somehow never actually gets on the floor or on people’s shirts. Where does it go?

I guess that’s a question for a different series.

I love how you can clearly see the, “Are you shitting me? You’re interrupting my book for this?” all over his face, but he gets up and changes his shirt anyway.

Well, at least the book explains what he does while waiting for teenage boys to return to their bedrooms. Reads a book to pass the time.

“This. No fit.” “Then try something else on.” I guess he doesn’t want to wear anything with colour on it. It’s probably one of the only black shirts Stiles has in Season One.

I love how pissy Derek looks in the orange and blue striped shirt. He looks more like he’d rather rip it to pieces then wear it.

“That’s not really his colour...” Then Derek takes it off. *casually eyes him*

Scott, this is no time for angst over the fact that Allison still has the receipt for your first date this is a heist! Stop wasting time before someone comes home and creates pointless tension.

Okay. You got the necklace man. Mission accomplished. Now get the hell out of there.

Now’s not the time to Google that Scott. I’m warning you.

Fucking finally.

It was sent from Melissa’s computer? In all seriousness, I thought the sender of the text was Derek, but he clearly didn’t, since he didn’t know about it. It couldn’t have been Peter, because he was still traumatizing teenagers for fun. It wasn’t Melissa, because she isn’t evil. So, did Peter have an accomplice?

“Scott.” <Inception BWAAAAAAH>

Okay, so it wasn’t the real Inception bwah, but it was pretty close. (Shut up, Auto Correct; “bwah” is, in fact, a real word.)

That smile is of a man who just caught and killed an canary using only his mouth... If that makes any sense.

Does he honestly not know that Scott and Allison broke up or is he just pretending not to know?

Also, you seriously can’t be telling me that Chris Argent, werewolf hunter missed Scott jumping down from the roof literally seconds before he started talking.

Also, isn’t the window to Allison’s room out to the back door and not the front? Scott clearly jumped out of the window rather than crawling on top of the roof in the last shot, so don’t tell me that’s why he did.

Why does Chris look so happy that Allison and Scott broke up? Did he really hate Scott that much?

Ah, who am I kidding. He probably did and still does.

“So, I just have one question for you. How do you know Derek Hale?” “Who?” Are you telling me that Derek Hale is Teen Wolf’s Fouseytube and Scott represents LeafyIsHere fans?

Allison is wearing all black? Did she somehow become Goth overnight?

Oh. Her shoes are white. Nevermind.

Ah yes. Just go into a random, abandoned looking house in the middle of a forest, without telling anyone where you are or what you’re doing. Nothing stupid about doing that.

Why are you even here, Kate? Were you hoping to piss Derek off some more or something?

Why does Kate suddenly have a southern accent? Did she always have one?

“I just don’t understand why he did it.” “...That would do some pretty interesting things to your head, don’t you think?” Is she implying that Derek became criminally insane after the fire? That’s not how mental illnesses work.

“You don’t have to be psychotic to be a killer.” Oh hey. Just like you, right Kate?

(Just kidding. She’s fucking crazy.)

“And even then, sometimes... You can surprise yourself.” I bet she’s speaking from experience.

“I felt like I needed someone to save me... I never want to feel that again. I hate that feeling.” Ah. So this is where she becomes officially Allison the hunter rather than Allison the regular human.

Are we going to have a training montage set to You’re The Best by Joe Esposito? Because I think that would be fitting right about now.

Of course we don’t. We just get Kate being creepy again. Oh, sorry. I mean, being herself.

Teen Wolf just can’t get enough of that obvious symbolism by making it so that Kate’s face is shaded in darkness while Allison’s is in light.

After, having Allison’s face in shadow as well.

“Isn’t talking to alleged murderer Derek Hale just a little disconcerting?” “It’s not like I’m the only one who knows him.” “But you’re the one who’s talking to him.” Well, I mean, it’s not for the reasons you think he is, but yeah. You can’t argue with that.

“Why are you talking to me as if I’ve done something wrong?” Freaking out in response to his question is just going to make you look more suspicious.

“Have you?” See?

“You don’t have to be afraid of me.” *laughs for a billion years*

Unless, of course, he’s going to pull a, “You need to be afraid of ___ instead.”

“I’m just afraid for my daughter’s safety.” “Would you believe me if I said that’s all I think about?” Don’t fall for it Allison! (I know she falls for it eventually, but. You know. I can pretend I don’t know.)

(For the sake of my sanity.)

“Every single thing I did was to make sure that she was safe.” Then Allison looks as though she never considered that before. Why the hell did you think he just threw himself out there to face a murderer??? For fun???

Wait, did he just exit the back door, or did Allison come in through the back door? I’m pretty sure that the front door leads to the living room where they’re sitting... Does anyone know from the top of their head?

I love how, when Derek yanks Stiles’ arm that Stiles is in pain, even though that angle logically shouldn’t hurt. He must have a very tight grip on Stiles’ arm.

Derek: *fucking smashes Stiles’ head on the steering wheel* Stiles: What the hell was that for? Derek: You know what that was for! Gooo!

Was it the shirt thing?

I think it was the shirt thing.

Is Jackson seriously going to go out of his way to have himself become a werewolf, despite the fact that his body is already clearly rejecting even the claw marks from a beta werewolf? Or maybe he just doesn’t know that his freaky hallucinations are being caused by the claws. It’s probably that. Or maybe he thinks getting the bite will get rid of his hallucinations?

Or, the most likely option is the fact that he wants to be on the same playing field as Scott, possible consequences be damned.

“There’s others... werewolf hunters.” “You’ve got to be kidding me.” It’s actually incredibly likely to be a real thing, if you think about it.

“Them?” “What? No.” That lie was so bad it might as well have an “Authentic Bullshit” label on it.

“Her name! Idiot! Do you know what Argent means in French?” And then Scott does a “Do I look like a speak on Frenches?” face.

“Yeah, well he’s not here, either.” “What?” “He’s gone, Derek.” “That means it’s him! Stiles get out right now! He’s the Alpha!”

*dramatic camera turn* DERE EE IS!

“You must be Stiles.” That must be his version of, “Surprise, Motherfucker.”

Also, the way he says it makes it seem as though Derek has actually talked to Peter about Stiles. Shipping goggles -> ON.

“What are you doing here? Visiting hours are over.” “Oh my god! I’m going to die!” Then I proceeded to die laughing when Derek elbowed the nurse in the face. That was, by far, the best entrance I’ve seen for a character into a scene in a long time.

“That’s not nice. She’s my nurse.” “She’s a psychotic bitch helping you kill people.” *starts laughing again*

“Now get out of the way.” “Oh. Damn.” He just ducks down? Where are you going Stiles? Why did you take the route of dropping to the floor instead of walking around Derek and away as fast as possible? Someone is going to step on you.

I love the way Stiles awkwardly flails across the floor instead of standing up and walking away like a logical person would.

“My mind and personality were literally burned out of me.” Oh. So he turned crazy after the fire. Then that excludes the possibility of hunters attacking the Hale family as having a reason other than being dicks. Which really sucks.

Then there’s a fight scene. Hey, do you think that if you sped this up and played the Chicken Dance song over it, perhaps it could be funny?

Dragging yourself right on top on shattered glass is a brilliant idea, Derek. Keep doing that.

Maybe he just can’t get up, or doesn’t trust himself to after that hit to the head.

Now the Sheriff and Mr. Harris are talking about how he got drunk and the Hale fire. But, why? Why are they talking about that now when the event happened about six years ago? Also, why did Kate Argent even follow the directions of a drunk chemistry teacher in the first place?

“This girl is a murderer.” And now Scott has the necklace. Things are about to get interesting.

Why is he just allowing Derek to crawl away this far?

“Well, I was going to let you crawl away for dramatic effect, but...” Oh. One of my questions was actually answered for once. Nice.

Okay, but why did he flip then mirror, and then heal himself? For dramatic effect? Again?

“When you look this good, why wait?” How narcissistic.

“You have to give me a chance to explain... after all, we’re family.” I can imagine Kate saying the exact same thing if Allison ever finds out about what she did.

“Now this is what I like to see. Rivals turned allies.” Both Scott’s and Jackson’s faces seem to say “That will never happen. Not even in a million years.”

“Well how about this, smart ass: no A in Econ if no win on the field. Sound good?” Okay. Maybe I think Coach is acceptable. Only a little bit, though.

“How about you give me what I want. In three days. Seventy-two hours.” You may think that’s reasonable, but it’s really not.

“What if I can’t?” “Oh, come on, McCall. That’s not a winning attitude.” And to think Coach called Scott a smart ass.

Sheriff Stilinski’s smile drops when he doesn’t see Stiles.

Oh no, they’re starting the game without Stiles! He’d better hurry.

“That’s Jackson.” “Holy hotness.” He’s underage you filthy wench!

“You are sick.” I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.

“Can you get turned by a scratch?” “If the claws go deep enough.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But, with that logic, his wound would have already healed if he were actually a werewolf.

And, with that, my episode review for Wolf’s Bane is complete. I notice that I now have three followers, so I hope this is the kind of content is the reason you’ve been sticking around for. Even though none of you are Teen Wolf blogs (or have any Teen Wolf content on your blogs, at all), I hope you all have found this interesting and/or funny regardless.

I’ll see you next time for Season One, Episode Ten: “Co-Captain”.

#Teen Wolf #Teen Wolf Season 1 #TW #TW 1x09 #1x09 #Wolf's Bane

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