Aug 18, 2021
today was very bad again but I did laundry and watched the mummy (1999) and neither made me feel better but I least I did something?
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today was very bad again but I did laundry and watched the mummy (1999) and neither made me feel better but I least I did something?
Asexual Demiromantic Demiboy Name Association of Astor for anon
name meaning: hawk
hi sorry for disappearing, I’ve been sad again lately and v stressed out. Needed a break from writing bc my thesis is giving me major burnout, and I just am having issues with my art again bc like… all of u friends are so fucking good at art and I can’t help but compare mine to yours and then I’m like “why do they even interact with me? I am nowhere near their level???” and then I spiral a bit. also the semester starts on Wednesday and first and second years are all new to campus so it’s a chaotic mess. but yeah. I’ll be doodling in class so I’ll hopefully post some of those soon.
anyways. hope you’re all doing alright 🥺✌🏽 see you in two days for Halloween fest sign ups!
today’s therapy lesson: i deserve to have good friends but also i am not a common problem behind every situation that causes people to leave and uhhhh yeah this one is gonna take a while to believe
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currently hiding from my problems by curling up under a pile of blankets
just a mini personal rant, pls continue scrolling :)
I hate when people say if you go into things optimistically then it’ll all work out bc I did everything my therapist suggested to do before a bday party I had to go to and it turned out to be a nightmare, just having to interact with people who were maybe once my friends but now are one big group and sit there quietly as they all spoke about inside jokes and things they did earlier that day, and the few times I tried joining in I’d be cut off by someone louder so I just stopped talking unless spoken to directly. and it was so loud and everyone was drinking while I technically shouldn’t so I got overwhelmed very fast. and when I left I said goodbye to the bday person and I was near tears and almost began to cry bc they asked if they could “embarrass me in front of everyone” (just meaning have everyone say goodbye) but the whole point was I wanted to leave without anyone noticing and yeah so I left and sat on the sidewalk curb outside my house crying for ten minutes. and then made pasta.
and now today I wake up to learn the super for our house turned the water off to fix something downstairs and now that it’s back on, our shower is running water despite being turned off. and I’m still sleeping off a sleeping pill I took last night and I just have no energy to talk to people today otherwise I’ll break and I don’t know what to do. I’m just so tired I want one good day to happen.