Storytime with Parli! ♥
So tonight, I was at the grocery store. I had just grabbed a shopping cart, walked beyond the security gate and entered the retail floor all while talking on the phone to my mom. It's been snowing, so I have one of my hoodies on. It's an older jacket so the hoodie pocket is torn wide open, but I still use the damn thing because it's very warm since it has fleece stitched into the inner lining.
So I look like an excellent mark, right? I'm this tiny little lady, (5'1"!) that has just walked into a busy, overstimulating grocery store while the rest of my attention is being stolen by talking on the phone with my mom. Even better is I'm wearing my fucked up hoodie and my wallet is kind of sticking out of my hoodie pocket. It's practically daring to fall out of my jacket, or better yet, be straight-up stolen right off of my person.
As I'm walking further into the store, talking to my mom, from out of nowhere, I suddenly feel this presence practically engulf me from behind. The hairs on my neck were standing at attention, and before I can turn around and bark at the person who was invading my personal space, I feel his hand reaching into my hoodie pocket.
This motherfucker, who came out of virtually fucking nowhere, attempted to pickpocket me. I say "attempted" to, because he failed to take my wallet off my person, but the motherfucker absolutely took my knuckles to his teeth!
My mom said she heard a lot of muffling over the phone at this point. She said she heard me suddenly sound like I was standing far away from the phone, and bark "excuse me!!" in a really mad voice, before she heard a whompf! sound. I'm gonna be honest, I don't know where the hell this asshole came from, because I have zero memory of him coming into the store behind me, at least nobody followed me through the front doors from the parking lot. At first he wasn't there, and then suddenly he was.
I hit him pretty fucking good. I know I caught him in the mouth, because when I reeled my hand back, my knuckle was bleeding and I think I caught him in the teeth when I felt him reach into my pocket. Unfortunately, the jackass ran off, and by the time I got to talk to the cops, we were all sure there was no way he would get caught tonight. The police let me take some toilet paper from the grocery store bathroom and hold it against the cut on my hand while they took my statement. I gave them my information and they let me continue grocery shopping when the decided that they would talk to the store manager and see if they could get access to the security cameras and the footage that was recorded. They told me they'd call me if they needed anything else from me or if they found the guy or whatever.
So, once I was free to go, I finished my shopping, got home, cleaned up and bandaged my hand, put my groceries away and like the chronically-online piece of shit that I am, I got onto Discord and vented the story to my buddies in one of the private servers I run.
The following discussion was just too good for me not to share. It definitely put a smile on my face after the shitty evening I had. Oh, and no. Nothing was stolen from me, thank goodness! I caught the little bastard just in time! ♥