“shattered lungs” ~ ch. 1
It was a stuffy summer night. The crickets were chirping up a storm outside, and so were the birds. They cried into the night air, and the soft breeze carried each sound with ease. The clanking of metal in the basement was distinct, even from where Louis was sitting; he assumed that Willy was at it with his tools again. A distraction, maybe - it was the same thing with his music. Sighing, he glanced skyward; the stars were appended to a crescent moon, and it was beautiful, to say the least.
That wasn’t his main focus, though.
He was in the courtyard, sitting at one of the many picnic tables. He had his arms crossed upon the table, chin resting upon his hands as he mulled over his thoughts. An anxious fire lit itself within as he thought of what could go down that night, and with what he was about to do, he doubted he’d make it out of Clementine’s room in one piece.
He had to apologize - fuck, that wouldn’t even cover it for what he caused; for what he couldn’t undo. Tears blurred his vision, a knot forming in his throat as he tried to gulp down bile. He let his head fall onto the table, grasping at his dreads with trembling fingers.
He couldn’t look at her; he didn’t try to. He stepped past the gate and into the courtyard, hands stiffened at his sides as he tried to formulate words. The groaning of Clementine’s crutches could be heard as she came closer. He felt the intensity of her fiery gaze; she could hear her snarl as she continued to pry.
“Answer me right fucking now, or I swear to god-“
“He’s dead,” Louis uttered, looking at her feet with wide, tearful eyes. His weapon fell to the ground beside him, and the chair leg rolled a few inches away from the impact. Even when Clementine’s sharp gasp pierced the air, Louis recommenced, “he’s dead. I’m - Clementine, I’m so, so-“
“No,” Clementine muttered. Louis finally looked up at her; her horror became evident. He’d imagine that her anguish was like a tsunami, and it was exactly that; it washed over her and pushed her down onto her knees, crutches long forgotten beside her. Tears spilled onto her cheeks, streaking through all of the dirt and grime. She whimpered, and covered her mouth with her hands; they visibly trembled. “No,” she choked out, “no, no, no, n-no.. what do you mean he’s dead? How-“
“I’m sorry,” Louis collapsed with her, falling under the influence of his own sorrowful tide. He reached out to Clementine, wrapping his hands around her wrists, then her forearms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling her into his chest, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”
That wasn’t an explanation. That wasn’t what she had wanted.
“You told me that you’d protect him,” she croaked, grasping and pulling at her hair, “you told me that he was safe with you, and you.. you just- you didn’t even fucking bring his body back!”
Clementine suddenly cried out and pushed him away from her; her expression was angrier than he’d ever seen. She was never like that around him; never hostile, never indifferent or ungracious. Her eyebrows were furrowed, eyes wide and unblinking; tears stained her face and her clothes. It was disturbing. He recoiled in an instant, choking on air as her amber eyes burnt him to ash. She glared at him, and he stared right back.
She was lost at sea, left without the one she needed the most - and it was all because of him. That much was clear; she blamed him. It was an accident, he knew it was, he hadn’t seen the danger nearby.. he hadn’t seen the man nor his pistol, and because of his blindness, Clementine’s child was forced into death’s chilling embrace.
“Tell me,” Clementine hissed, “tell me how he.. he went.”
Louis shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut; he had to tell her. AJ’s life was taken by a man who wanted the game that their traps had caught. He wanted a fucking rabbit, and so to get his hands on the rabbit, he fucking shot a child. Her child.
“He.. he was shot. A man shot him.”
Louis could clearly remember a boy’s corpse laying upon the forest floor, blood spewing from a bullet hole in his head. It had stained the dirt and had trickled onto the leaves.
He remembered the sound of a gun being reloaded, and Louis had booked it out of there, too terrified of being shot himself by the stranger; he had been selfish. He was selfish, and now, Clementine had nothing to bury - there would only be dirt, dead flowers, and a makeshift tombstone.
Clementine bowed her head and wailed.
Louis lifted his head off of the table and breathed; he inhaled and exhaled slowly, unwilling to let go of reality so easily. He knew that it has been weeks since he came back without AJ by his side; since Clementine’s cries became engraved in his mind. It’s been so long since Louis actually got to see the side of Clementine that he loved. He wanted her back.. he wanted their relationship back, but that was something that he probably wouldn’t ever be able to fix.
The Clementine that Louis knew wasn’t there anymore, having been replaced by a shell of who she once was; she became more stoic and cold. Her benign humor was no more; quiet andempty she was, confined to her grief and her pain. Laughter was a rarity for her, and when she did laugh, it was a hollow sound; fake, and so forced - the same thing went for her small smiles. Her gentleness was substituted by stiff, wary movements and rough touches. Her lack of motivation to do anything urged the group to work harder than before. They were struggling to hold up the fort without her guidance.
The thing that really set Louis off, however, was Clementine’s eyes - her gorgeous, stunning and captivating amber eyes. They lost their shine.
Perhaps, Louis messed things up - god, he knew he messed things up. He really fucking did. He wasn’t the one who killed AJ, but he.. he knew that Clementine blamed him; dammit, he didn’t even fucking bring AJ’s body back. He knew that when he lost AJ, he lost her - maybe things would never be the same, but he really wanted to get her to feel some sort of joy again.
He wanted her to remember what hope was, and thathope wasn’t truly lost. Things weren’t going to be the same without AJ, and recovery was, well, a timely process; he knew that Clementine would never move on from AJ’s death. He just wanted to try and make it easier for her.
Louis bit his bottom lip and slowly stood. His bones ached in protest - sleep was probably what his body needed, but he didn’t care. He needed to figure this out.
He needed to get Clementine back.
requested by: @randomfandom-bs
