Twisted Wonderland
📜 Folk Lore of the Fae Realms
Collected from survivors, cowards, grandmothers, and people who definitely should not have stayed out past dusk
“If a fae tells you it’s just a story, it’s already too late.”
I. The Rule of Names (Or: Why You Should Lie to Fae Children)
It is said among humans that fae do not steal your name unless you give it freely.
This is incorrect.
What is true is this:
If a fae asks your name politely, it is already too late.
If a fae child asks your name excitedly, it is DEFINITELY too late.
Folklore Account:
A merchant once answered honestly when asked his name by a small horned child.
The child smiled and said:
“Oh! That’s a nice one. I’ll give it back when I’m done.”
The merchant returned home successful. But:
His wife could not remember him.
His dog would not come.
Mirrors refused to reflect him.
Three years later, the child returned and said:
“Here! I got bored.”
The merchant collapsed into himself like a paper doll unfolding.
Lesson: Lie. Always lie. Use fake names. Use insults. Use vegetables. Fae respect creativity.
II. Do Not Accept Food (Except When You Already Have)
Everyone knows you should not eat fae food.
What fewer know: If you are already starving, you must eat it immediately.
Explanation:
Fae food does not nourish the body. It nourishes the promise that you will return.
If you eat it while full, it binds you. If you eat it while starving, it saves you—but at a cost.
Folklore Account:
A lost knight ate fae bread after three days without food.
He survived.
But from then on:
He could only eat at twilight.
He cried when the moon waned.
He aged backward once a year.
He lived long. He lived wrong.
III. Why the Woods Rearrange Themselves
Children are told the woods move when you aren’t looking.
Adults know better.
They move because the fae are bored.
Recorded Incident:
A fae noble once lost a chess match and said:
“Fine. I’ll walk home the long way.”
The forest rearranged itself for three days.
Roads looped.
Rivers changed direction.
Entire villages woke up facing the wrong cardinal direction.
The noble arrived home refreshed.
Fact: If you are lost in fae woods and hear laughter— The woods are not angry.
They are entertained.
IV. The Borrowed Baby Myth (They Gave It Back Wrong)
Humans believe fae steal children.
The fae say:
“No, no. We borrow them.”
Truth (According to Old Midwives):
Fae take children who cry too much, laugh too little, or stare at nothing.
They return them quickly.
But changed.
Returned children may:
Speak fluently before walking
Refuse iron
Weep at bells
Know when someone is about to die
One child famously returned said to her mother:
“You’re warmer than the other one.”
She lived a good life. She never slept through the night again.
V. The Queen Who Eats Promises
There is an old tale of a fae queen who does not eat flesh or magic.
She eats broken vows.
How It Works:
When someone breaks a promise within her domain, she grows stronger.
When a promise is kept at great cost, she weakens.
This is why fae are obsessed with contracts.
Folklore Warning:
If a fae insists on a deal, it is not for fairness.
It is for nutrition.
VI. Why You Should Never Thank a Fae
Gratitude implies debt.
Debt implies ownership.
Incident:
A traveler thanked a fae healer sincerely.
The healer paused and said:
“Oh. That’s heavy.”
From then on:
The traveler’s luck improved dramatically.
But every good thing required him to return favors.
He lived prosperously but never freely.
When he died, the fae attended his funeral and said:
“Paid in full.”
VII. The Fae Who Laugh at Funerals
It is considered deeply rude among fae to cry for the dead.
They laugh.
Not because death is funny— But because it is temporary.
Folklore Truth:
Some fae remember who you were before you were born.
When they laugh at funerals, they are laughing at:
The surprise
The drama
The inevitability of meeting again
This is why humans feel watched at graves.
You are.
VIII. The Small Ones Are the Worst
Never trust:
Small fae
Old fae
Friendly fae
Silent fae
Especially not small ones.
Old Saying:
“Big fae kill you. Small fae keep you.”
Incident:
A tiny bat-winged fae once guided travelers safely for weeks.
At the border, he waved and said:
“Thanks for the stories! I’ll treasure them.”
None of the travelers could remember their childhood afterward.
IX. Iron Isn’t Poison—It’s an Insult
Iron does not burn fae.
It reminds them they are not welcome.
That hurts worse.
Fact:
Wearing iron near a fae is like:
Spitting in their home
Calling their mother mundane
Saying their magic is temporary
If a fae still helps you while you wear iron?
They are either:
Very kind
Very curious
Planning something educational
X. The Truth No Fae Will Confirm
There is one last piece of folklore.
It says:
Fae love deeply.
Fae remember forever.
Fae forgive slowly.
And if a fae chooses you—
Not as prey. Not as entertainment. Not as a lesson.
But as theirs—
Then even the stories stop warning you.
Because you are no longer a cautionary tale.
You are a secret.
Closing Line (Found Scratched Into a Tree Near Briar Valley):
“If the fae are watching you, behave. If they stop watching you—run.”