On Vandalism & Fan Entitlement (aka “Sharpie Bus” Incident)
Posted: March 8, 2011
Archived from Wayward Victorian Confessions, circa 2013
[Admin Note: I added paragraph breaks to make Tumblr play nice.]
The Best Way To Start Your Day: Noticing this message in Sharpie written across your tour bus, “I waited 5 years to see you and all I wanted was my violin signed.”
Allow me to share some details with those moderately interested. We arrive in El Paso, Texas on the morning of the 6th. We spend the whole day preparing the set, the stage, ourselves, rehearsing, soundchecking, etc. 2 hours before the show, I give an hour-long VIP session where I play a violin recital, meet Plague Rats, tell (bad) jokes, sign posters, CDs, and body parts, and pose for pictures with every living breathing thing I can wrap my arms around, one of which freaked the fuck out and started yelling “FUCK YOU!!!” at me as we were being photographed, at which I had to call for security. Then, it’s back to the bus for us all to get ready in a panic, because our venue has no dressing room, i.e. backstage. 1 hour later, and we board the stage to perform a sweaty and physically/emotionally draining show just exceeding 2 hours in length. After the show, we rush through the crowd to get to our tour bus so that our small crew can break down the stage as soon as possible and load the trailer in time to get us on the road to the next city in time for tomorrow’s show to do the same thing all over again. Fans are waiting outside the bus as the girls and I are inside changing and taking “showers” with baby wipes, and they sometimes pound on the door, but we expect this by now.
Our amazing tour manager, Melissa, who tries to take care of every fan and aids me in my desire to give everyone everything they want all the fucking time, comes to the bus to see that we are alright and meets a “Plague Rat” just outside our door. The girl wants her violin signed. I am touched by this — I always am. Melissa comes in to ask me if I will sign it. I tell her that of course I will as soon as we are changed and ready to meet the girl. Melissa plans to bring her on the bus, which is something we never, ever do, but the girl seems sweet. Melissa asks the girl to wait with her violin outside the bus until she comes back and tells her that I’m ready.
You’ll never guess what happens next, because I sure couldn’t have.
Contessa and Maggots are sitting on the couch on one side of the bus, changing out of their costumes. Veronica is sitting on the couch on the other side doing the same. The window behind Tessa and Maggots is open just a crack to let some air in, but that’s not all, because, right behind their heads, a long, sharp object is shoved through the window, making stabbing motions and flailing around, just barely missing the backs of their skulls. As far as they know, It could be a gun, a knife, any number of things. VV sees it first — it’s a fucking violin bow. She screams and pulls the girls away from the window, Contessa screams as she is nearly stabbed, and Maggots is just trying to calm them down and make sure nobody is hurt. I am in my bunk, asking what the fuck just happened. The girls are terrified, and I want to kill somebody for this outrageous breach of the tiny personal space we have while on the road and attacking my girls. One of my crew comes to the bus and we inform him of the shit that just went down. He can’t even believe it. I ask him if this girl with her violin (and bow apparently) is still waiting outside our bus. He looks out and says that she is. I ask him to let her know that she needs to step away immediately, because no one will be signing anything tonight. She was as good as on the bus, her violin was as good as signed, and all she had to do was wait until we were changed, but this wasn’t enough for her, and she had to come up to our window, find an open crack, and shove her bow inside, and now, she needs to leave. It’s over. She ruined it. Good night.
So, when Melissa comes to me first thing this morning with the new the aforementioned message was scrawled in permanent ink all along the side of our bus that night (which I now need to pay to have removed because this bus is rented — I do not own this), I ask myself again why I even bother. To this girl, and to other “fans” such as this, of which there are, sadly, MANY, thank you for once again reminding me that you are entitled to everything, I am obligated to give you everything, that my personal space is nothing, that your petty wishes are all that matters and that, if they are not fulfilled to the last detail, my personal property, or that which I rent, may be destroyed in an act of obviously justified revenge. Thanks for making me, once again, consider just saying “Fuck this,” and going home. And thanks for ruining it for everybody else, whom I now will not trust within a mile of my bus, my girls, myself, or anything I hold dear (or have to pay for). So, for any true Plague Rats or simply decent human beings who see such acts as this being committed, you know what to do. To any who see this girl posting about the cruelty of myself and my crew for not allowing her fucking violin to be signed, you know what to do.
But the true tragedy of my morning? That my gluten free oatmeal just exploded all over the bus microwave. Now THAT sucks…
