"What If" Live Piano Version, 2026 Clipped from an Asylum Inner Circle Livestream
Original Official YT Link
RMH
trying on a metaphor

Andulka

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

★
untitled

bliss lane
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

oozey mess
ojovivo
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Not today Justin
Keni
YOU ARE THE REASON

pixel skylines
sheepfilms
Sade Olutola

Kiana Khansmith

Origami Around
Game of Thrones Daily

seen from Poland
seen from Canada

seen from Canada

seen from France

seen from Suriname
seen from United States

seen from Austria

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from Greece
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Poland

seen from United States
seen from Colombia
seen from Brazil
seen from United States

seen from Ireland

seen from Ireland
seen from Canada
@emilieautumnarchives
"What If" Live Piano Version, 2026 Clipped from an Asylum Inner Circle Livestream
Original Official YT Link
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ We're going back underground...
Sent: April 1, 2026 Also posted as a Blog
Dearest _, friend and fellow Inmate,
Tomorrow, we're going back to the dark musical underground where all of this began...and I'd be hono(u)red if you'd come with me.
This is your invitation to join me for a live conversation over on VonPod, the YouTube podcast exploring the music of the underground, hosted by one of my earliest supporters, Kevin Vonesper.
Date: Thursday, April 2nd Time: 9 P.M., ET Place: VonPod Note: Visit the channel now and click the "Notifications" bell so you don't miss it!
Several years ago, Kevin and his team filmed one of my NY tour dates, and this remains some of the most precious footage I've seen. Being truly indie and self-funded (i.e. no label or corporate money making things happen), I've never hired a film crew to document any of my shows—thus, the story of "me" and the Asylum world was spread by people like Kevin and other indie documentarians.
And this is why—while I rarely accept interviews—I felt called to speak with Kevin on his podcast. It feels a meaningful opportunity to acknowledge how we all came together and how the Plague truly spread, bonding below ground over music and story that was barely known to the world above (which was in fact part of the magic).
As the upcoming "Girls Will Be Girls" single contains a love letter to the first and forever Ratties, this seemed the perfect moment to go live with an old friend and supporter and say thank you, to Kevin, to all the Plague Rats who came to that wild show years ago, and...to you, right here, right now.
Oh! And the interview will be streaming live from Striped Stocking Studio! You'll get to see inside the room where the Inmates of the Asylum Inner Circle gather every week, go deep behind-the-scenes with me, and, just perhaps, the harpsichord may be brought to life...
Thank you for reading, dear friend. See you tomorrow, striped stockings and all.
P.S. While you're waiting for tomorrow night, here's a glimpse of what's been going on in the studio...and what I played on loop as I sat in the GYN waiting room yesterday.
LINK
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ Why the gates close this Friday
Sent: April 7, 2026 Also posted as a Blog
Dearest friend and fellow Inmate,
While I was down with the Plague last month, something happened inside the Circle that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.
Our newest Inmate, Greta—who had only just arrived behind the striped walls—stepped forward to lead an Asylum Oracle Group Reading in my place.
She had every reason not to. She was new. The room was full of people who had been here far longer.
And yet, she drew out insights and personal revelations from her fellow Inmates, giving the whole experience a trajectory—a sense of genuine progress and transformation.
In a larger room, Greta might have spent months quietly watching from the corridors before anyone knew she was there.
Here, she had a place from the moment she arrived. And she felt safe enough to see a spotlight and step into it.
That is what the Asylum Inner Circle has become.
It is a place of intentional intimacy. I want to know every Inmate by name. And I want them to know that they are seen as individuals whose presence is felt by me and by one another—that their participation changes the taste of the tea, the key of the song, the volume of the laughter in our live gatherings. (We laugh a lot.)
And because I want to protect that, the Circle will move to a new rhythm beginning in May:
The gates will open on the first of each month, and close again after the first week.
The current gates close this Friday, April 11.
If you're not yet inside the walls, the stripes will remain parted until then.
And if you are already inside the walls—thank you. Thank you for sharing yourself, supporting your fellow Inmates, and growing together. Thank you for making our Ward a place worth protecting.
[CLAIM YOUR KEY BUTTON]
P.S. Sometimes the only thing needed to bridge the past and the future is a key change.
LINK
NEWSLETTER: ☕ How a vintage teacup ended up in a song
Sent: March 25, 2026 Also posted as a Blog.
Dearest _, friend and fellow Inmate,
I've been down with the Plague for a couple of weeks—hence the lack of letters—but during that time, a vintage teacup became immortal. Here's how it happened…
A box arrived at Asylum HQ and was couriered over to me. Inside, a set of the most beautiful vintage teacups—a gift from Bishop, one of the Founding Inmates of the Asylum Inner Circle.
Crawling out of bed to put a cup to good use (Earl Grey, to be precise) and determined to host the Circle's scheduled "In Solitary, Together" event—where I work on music live in Striped Stocking Studio whilst Inmates work on their own projects simultaneously and we all inspire each other—I found that I couldn't stop coughing. Nor could the studio computer.
Rebooting the beast for the third time, I felt myself a disappointment to everyone watching. I sipped from Bishop's teacup and sat with that feeling of insufficiency for a moment before the obvious question arrived: what can we do with what we have, instead of waiting for everything to be perfect and shiny?
So, still on camera, I picked up the ever-present field-recording device I use for sound design and set to tapping on the teacup with a tiny silver spoon—another gift, from a Plague Rat several years prior.
The "tings" and "dings" issuing forth alerted me immediately that they desired nothing more than to be incorporated into the finally-opened "Girls Will Be Girls" session. Once imported, they began to take shape—and transform into what they always were: the shimmering synth that would underscore the lyric "and now I'm seeing stars."
By the final moment of what ended up being a 4-hour live work session, I was nearly falling off my chair, but I was also deliriously excited. One of the Asylum's most beloved bits of iconography, the teacup, was forever part of our sonic heritage, and, even if the casual Spotify listener wouldn't know, I would know, everyone in that room would know, and this was all that mattered.
I wanted to show this process clearly, so back in bed I went through it again—demonstrating how anything can become music if its true value is recognized, and how, in the end, the teacup became a synth became the sound of stars became immortal.
LINK
If you're inside the Circle, log in to watch the full session—and to see what becomes of a pair of sampled striped stockings and an industrial drum kit made entirely out of spoons.
If you haven't yet claimed your Key, learn what your journey within its walls looks like.
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ You weren't supposed to hear this
Sent: April 14, 2026 Also posted as a Blog
Dearest friend and fellow Inmate,
Today, I humbly present a mish-mash of questionable delights.
While generally competent at keeping secrets, I am currently of the mind that "you can't take it with you" and "dopamine is a necessity"—and so we shall live as though this moment is all there is. Thus, I am spoiling the secret of the secret "Girls Will Be Girls" b-sides being built today. Only for you, naturally. The video is private.
LINK
Fun fact, while we're here: recording humming is considerably trickier than I had assumed. I was certain I'd done it before, but I cannot have—surely I would have remembered the not-insignificant horror of hearing the nasal quality a microphone picks up when one is attempting to sound "intimate" and "charming." I'm still working on this in Striped Stocking Studio now, and will report back when I've sorted out why it just sounds...creepy.
Next, a random thought: I believe we can all agree that certain days feel like a nightmare. But a nightmare is still a dream. And if this life is a dream—which I am, it turns out, in very good company in suspecting—then the nightmare framing is simply a lens through which we look at the dream. So, is it the experience or the lens that causes the suffering? Because if I were to look at an ordinary Tuesday through the "nightmare" lens, I could certainly find a way to make that my reality.
Finally, I left an Inner Circle Tea Party live video chat room open all night and woke to find Inmates with bed-head having coffee in there this morning. This confirmed my long-held suspicion that connection is everything.
Thank you for letting me connect with you today. I hope you are as tickled by the wheezing accordion in the video above as I am (only the second time I've used one...and extra biscuits if you can name the first!).
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ The gates of the Asylum Inner Circle are open
Sent: May 1, 2026 Also posted as a Blog, "The Gates Are Open"
Dearest friend and fellow Inmate,
The gates of the Asylum Inner Circle creaked this morning, then a great rumbling was heard, then the clicking of a thousand tiny claws, and at last, the towering iron bars swung wide. They will stand open for a single week—on May 8th, they close again until June 1st.
But this time, the welcoming of new Inmates feels...different.
When the Inner Circle first opened, we were all stepping through the gates together. The Ward was new. The cells were still being lit. The first doors were still being found.
Now, to say the Ward has a life of its own would be a theatrical understatement.
There are gatherings nearly every day, studio livestreams, Inmates hosting events, songs being built, creative growth at every turn—and a truly unique world that has developed its own language, its own built-in support system, and its own peculiar brand of joy.
And if you're about to claim your Key to the Circle, I don't want you to feel lost for a moment. So, for those entering now, I’m offering something I never have before:
Each new Inmate who enters during this week’s opening will be invited to a private Welcome Tea Party with me, just the two of us. Together, we'll choose your first doors, help you meet your first friends inside the Ward, and begin your story within these striped walls with me as your guide.
[CLAIM YOUR KEY BUTTON]
And if you are already inside the walls—I’ll see you tomorrow, live from Striped Stocking Studio. The British Bakeoff version of Girls Will Be Girls isn’t going to orchestrate itself.
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ What If?
Sent: May 8, 2026 Also posted as a Blog
Dearest friend and fellow Inmate,
In nine days, on the 17th of May, the first ever Anatomy of a Song shall be held inside Striped Stocking Studio—a new live series in the Asylum Inner Circle in which I take a song the Inmates have chosen and surgically open it up, dissect the music and lyrics, and answer anything you ever wanted to know about it.
Weeks ago, I posted the question: Which song shall we dissect first?
Many titles went into the teapot, and a vote was held. The song the Inmates chose could not have surprised me more.
"What If"
I can explain neither to you nor to myself why the idea of speaking openly about this very, very old song gives me proverbial butterflies. Perhaps because it is one of the first songs I ever wrote, as an isolated young teen; perhaps because it is the reason I began to sing at all; or perhaps because I am simply mystified—I had no idea how many of you knew this song, let alone how much it mattered to you, and so I have no idea what I am going to be asked to talk about. I feel oddly, unexpectedly naked, suspecting that my answers will be less answers and more a series of confessions.
Dear friend, tell me you have not also lived this: what you thought people wanted from you was not at all what they wanted—and the thing they did want has been sleeping inside a self you thought you had safely (if sadly) buried. And did you too say to yourself, "This will cost me something"?
The gates of the Inner Circle close tonight, and will not reopen until the 1st of June. For those who have not already claimed their cells and would like to be in the candlelit studio on the 17th—to listen to the song together, to speak to me about it live, to sit amongst the Inmates that night—this is the last evening to enter before then: Join us. A waitlist will open tomorrow for those who miss the hour.
For now, it seems I have a song to relearn...
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ For your paws only: "What If," live at the piano
Sent: May 28, 2026 Also posted as a Blog
Dearest friend and fellow Inmate,
Last week, I sang "What If," one of the first songs I ever wrote, for the first time in several years. And I sang it in front of other people. And my palms were sweating. And I almost cried. Twice. Then I yelled and scared myself and didn't know if I should keep going. I kept going. Then everyone cried. And my wings grew back.
This celebration of emotional dysregulation was all part of the Anatomy of a Song event series in the Asylum Inner Circle where Inmates vote on a song to take to surgery, we open it up, dissect it, stitch it back together, and sing it, and then everyone needs a nap. (June is "Shalott"!)
While the 3-hour event included the aforementioned vocal performance plus Q&As and stories from Inmates about their own histories with the song, we began with nothing but the piano. Watching the playback, this piano performance might have been the most striking moment for me. In those opening arpeggios, I swear I felt the small voice within each of us—the child that tearfully asked, "what if I don't know who I am?"—being answered.
I know my answer now.
And I hope that, if you watch this piano version that I'm sharing privately only with those who receive this Asylum Letter, you might know your answer too.
LINK
Wings don't just take time to grow back.
They take an Asylum filled with fellow Inmates like you, reading this now.
There were no Inmates when "What If" was born. But there would have been no re-birth without you.
P.S. The gates of the Asylum Inner Circle are closed until June 1st, but the Waitlist is open. Sir Edward is polishing the new keys...
P.P.S. If you're already in the Circle, log in for the entire video replay: "What If" Anatomy
P.P.P.S. This is the moment I started tearing apart my own lyrics.
someone in the Inner Circle please convince EA to release a high res version of this photo, I'll give you my firstborn if she does
Emilie Autumn on VonPod
Date: April 2, 2026
This interview is far too long to make a transcript, but here the cliffnotes:
EA will "always" live in the Asylum.
Girls Will be Girls will be released "this month" (April 2026).
EA has arthritis in her knees from performing.
About Opheliac, FLAG, and being shackled to record labels:
EA talks about The End Records and how she had to spend "a hell of a lot of money to get... 'Fight Like A Girl' from that label because I felt that that was not a good fit..." (I thought she misspoke here, but she intentionally mentions FLAG, not Opheliac.)
EA has never sold her Masters.
EA: "And sometimes you...just make it happen and sell your costumes and you get your record back."
Opheliac 20th Anniversary:
EA has no plans for anything, but that may change because it keeps getting mentioned.
Music Stems:
EA's Opheliac hard drives are in her closet. She doesn't have a way to open them (at present) with her current set up, but she believes they're functional.
EA does not have the stems for 4 O'clock or Unlaced (the album). She has to rebuild things like 4 O'clock from scratch for the musical.
About TAFWVG Changes:
EA talks about some of the changes that were "made against her will" when she was signed with a literary agent in NYC. The agent came to her with a plan to make The Asylum... a YA Novel for mass release, which was why some of the more mature elements were removed and ages were lowered.
About the Musical:
Delayed due to an ongoing film project EA is working on.
COVID put a hard stop on a lot of the things that were getting scheduled, like workshops. (Even though workshops were planned after COVID hit?)
EA claims the musical will go to London.
A musical playlist exists on YouTube, but she thinks it's private. (Maybe? There's already a playlist that's public. I think she misspoke.)
"Time for Tea" probably won't make it into the musical.
The score has electronic backing tracks and symphonic orchestra portions. EA would like a full orchestra for the musical, but she's aware of the reality that it probably won't happen.
EA is "the lead role for the beginning."
She's worried about understudies being able to sing in the range she's written [for Emilie and Emily]. She acknowledges that she's not a Broadway singer -- the concern comes from a place of her range being weird and untrained, not her somehow being "too good" to replicate.
The Rats are an "ancient greek chorus."
EA has recently been given opportunities to "put this on now" but it wasn't with the right people.
EA acknowledges that she'll have to collaborate for the musical, despite admitting to not working well with people. She notes Scenic Design specifically.
Design isn't currently aimed towards realism.
EA does not want to direct the musical.
Most roles are double cast: Dr. Sharp / Stockill; Emilie / Emily; Head Nurse / Madame Mournington
The musical has a different ending than the book(s).
About 4 O'clock and Trisol:
"Garish light of day" was not an intentional Phantom reference.
4 O'clock was written in a "house in the woods" in Germany.
She was very new to the label (Trisol) and they wanted to make sure she had "sections" in record stores, which required a minimum of 5 CDs for an artist. That was the driving force for the Trisol re-releases, including A Bit O' This & That, Enchant, 4 o'Clock, Laced/Unlaced, etc.
She had no keyboard when she recorded it. She just picked out the notes one-by-one on her laptop.
Future projects:
There are non-Asylum projects in the works.
EA and Marc are co-starring and co-directing a new film. EA is scoring and orchestrating the film, which is not a musical, but very "music-driven." Filming is "coming up."
EA wants puppetry over CGI.
Opheliac lore:
EA had been diagnosed with "extreme clinical depression" but had not gotten her bipolar diagnosis before her suicide attempt.
EA was 25 when she wrote and recorded Opheliac. She was 27 when she attempted suicide / was committed.
EA credits the difference in her performing style with her asylum stay, but reaffirms that Opheliac was written before she was committed.
NEWSLETTER: ☕ How a vintage teacup ended up in a song.
Sent: March 24 or 25, 2026 Cross-posted as a Blog.
Dearest _, friend and fellow Inmate,
A box arrived at Asylum HQ and was couriered over to me. Inside, a set of the most beautiful vintage teacups—a gift from Bishop, one of the Founding Inmates of the Asylum Inner Circle.
Crawling out of bed to put a cup to good use (Earl Grey, to be precise) and determined to host the Circle's scheduled "In Solitary, Together" event—where I work on music live in Striped Stocking Studio whilst Inmates work on their own projects simultaneously and we all inspire each other—I found that I couldn't stop coughing. Nor could the studio computer.
Rebooting the beast for the third time, I felt myself a disappointment to everyone watching. I sipped from Bishop's teacup and sat with that feeling of insufficiency for a moment before the obvious question arrived: what can we do with what we have, instead of waiting for everything to be perfect and shiny?
So, still on camera, I picked up the ever-present field-recording device I use for sound design and set to tapping on the teacup with a tiny silver spoon—another gift, from a Plague Rat several years prior.
The "tings" and "dings" issuing forth alerted me immediately that they desired nothing more than to be incorporated into the finally-opened "Girls Will Be Girls" session. Once imported, they began to take shape—and transform into what they always were: the shimmering synth that would underscore the lyric "and now I'm seeing stars."
By the final moment of what ended up being a 4-hour live work session, I was nearly falling off my chair, but I was also deliriously excited. One of the Asylum's most beloved bits of iconography, the teacup, was forever part of our sonic heritage, and, even if the casual Spotify listener wouldn't know, I would know, everyone in that room would know, and this was all that mattered.
I wanted to show this process clearly, so back in bed I went through it again—demonstrating how anything can become music if its true value is recognized, and how, in the end, the teacup became a synth became the sound of stars became immortal.
If you're inside the Circle, log in to watch the full session—and to see what becomes of a pair of sampled striped stockings and an industrial drum kit made entirely out of spoons. If you haven't yet claimed your Key, learn what your journey within its walls looks like.
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ We're going back underground...
Sent: April 1, 2026 Cross-posted as a Blog on the same day.
Dearest _, friend and fellow Inmate,
Tomorrow, we're going back to the dark musical underground where all of this began...and I'd be hono(u)red if you'd come with me.
This is your invitation to join me for a live conversation over on VonPod, the YouTube podcast exploring the music of the underground, hosted by one of my earliest supporters, Kevin Vonesper.
Date: Thursday, April 2nd Time: 9 P.M., ET Place: VonPod Note: Visit the channel now and click the "Notifications" bell so you don't miss it!
Several years ago, Kevin and his team filmed one of my NY tour dates, and this remains some of the most precious footage I've seen. Being truly indie and self-funded (i.e. no label or corporate money making things happen), I've never hired a film crew to document any of my shows—thus, the story of "me" and the Asylum world was spread by people like Kevin and other indie documentarians.
And this is why—while I rarely accept interviews—I felt called to speak with Kevin on his podcast. It feels a meaningful opportunity to acknowledge how we all came together and how the Plague truly spread, bonding below ground over music and story that was barely known to the world above (which was in fact part of the magic).
As the upcoming "Girls Will Be Girls" single contains a love letter to the first and forever Ratties, this seemed the perfect moment to go live with an old friend and supporter and say thank you, to Kevin, to all the Plague Rats who came to that wild show years ago, and...to you, right here, right now.
Oh! And the interview will be streaming live from Striped Stocking Studio! You'll get to see inside the room where the Inmates of the Asylum Inner Circle gather every week, go deep behind-the-scenes with me, and, just perhaps, the harpsichord may be brought to life...
Thank you for reading, dear friend. See you tomorrow, striped stockings and all.
P.S. While you're waiting for tomorrow night, here's a glimpse of what's been going on in the studio...and what I played on loop as I sat in the GYN waiting room yesterday.
(LINK)
Stark Raving Sane: I've Never Shown This Before
Posted: February 18, 2026
--
Dearest Plague Rats,
Last week, inside the Asylum Inner Circle, we spent two hours in Striped Stocking Studio building the instrumental for the new single, “Girls Will Be Girls.”
This week, the vocal goes in.
And the vocal is where this song becomes…not what you thought it would be.
The voice on this track needs to sound innocent—genuinely, disarmingly sweet at first, almost not my voice at all—while hiding something underneath the striped stockings that isn’t sweet in the slightest. Something that makes you lean in hard before you realize what you've agreed to, and by then the anesthetic is already pulling you under.
I've never done a vocal like this. How does one accomplish such a magic trick?
Comping takes. I sang this song dozens of times, and to create the final vocal, I’ve got to choose the takes that flip the intention from purity to threat on just the right syllable.
Breath decisions. Every breath you hear in a finished vocal is a choice. Some stay because the line needs air; others are cut because the line doesn’t deserve it.
Layering & Harmonies. A single voice says one thing. Two voices, carefully placed, can say something else entirely.
This Sunday, Feb. 22, I’m continuing the live studio session inside the Asylum Inner Circle—making these and many more vocal decisions in real time.
I have never done anything like this before. Ever.
If you’d like to be inside this very intimate experience, the door is here. Already in the Founders’ Ward? Log in—the studio will be open.
Last time, we ended by playing the full instrumental straight through — harpsichords, violins, 80s synths, all of it.
This time?
Girls will be girls.
NEWSLETTER: 🗝️ Live-Streaming today from Striped Stocking Studio
Sent: February 11, 2026 Also posted as a Blog.
Dearest _, friend and fellow Inmate,
A small crisis occurred in the studio this week.
"Girls Will Be Girls" needs a harpsichord—of course it does, it's a love letter to the original Plague Rats, many of whom found me through the songs that featured the instrument in the first place. And there was only one harpsichord sample I ever loved, the same one I've used since Opheliac, the one that became the sound of...me.
So I opened up my DAW and launched the plugin with my harpsichord sample. And it no longer works.
Discontinued. Incompatible with my current software. Gone in the way that digital things go—not with a dramatic death, but with an update that forgot to bring it along.
I won't pretend I handled this gracefully. There was a moment (hour) of genuine panic at the idea that I could never play that exact sound again—the one that opened "Opheliac" on German goth radio, the entire groundwork of "The Art of Suicide," the one that made an entire demographic think, "Wtf is this? Do I like it? I might..." You don't replace something like that. You just don't.
Except, apparently, you do. After tearing through every harpsichord sample library money could buy, I landed on one called Berlin Harpsichords. It sounds almost exactly like my original—only slightly better, which I say with both relief and the faintest sense of betrayal.
And then I realized. Berlin. One of the first cities I ever performed in when Opheliac came out and that harpsichord sound met my audience for the first time.
And is this not worthy of a love letter?
Today, Feb. 12th at 3pm EST, I'll finally be recording my new harpsichord, building synths, and programming drums for this song, all live-streamed in The Asylum Inner Circle direct from Striped Stocking Studio.
The Inmates will be working alongside me—a session we call "In Solitary, Together." I work, you work, tea is shared, progress is made, distracting stories are periodically told, and no one feels alone. You can even mute me when I inevitably spend too long crafting the perfect 80s snare.
If you'd like to be in that room, I'll leave the door open a crack.
And if you're already an Inner Circle member, just log in here!
See you in the studio.
Inside the Mind of Emilie Autumn, Kerrang! Magazine (03/06/2010)
Source: Scans (below), Back Issues Archive
EA's scan and transcription are below the cut. Trigger warnings for... everything, really.
Introducing Emilie Autumn, Kerrang! Magazine (January 2010)
Sources: EAOnline, Wayback Machine; Kerrang Comments, Wayback Machine Note: I haven't been able to source the issue for this, but I think it's an early 2010 issue based on when the photo was taken and the mention of concerts in England "later this month". The Key Tour had three dates in January of 2010. The "six years ago" comment about her commitment isn't a reliable date - in 2010, there was no known date for her asylum stay, only fan speculation. After a lot of digging, I finally found people talking about her feature in Issue 1243, even though she's not listed in the blurb.
-
"Every fucking song is about me killing myself," says Emilie Autumn when asked to explain the concept behind her album Opheliac. And she says this unflinchingly with a smile "If I didn't joke about the horrors I've gone through, I probably wouldn't survive," she adds.
Six years ago, Emilie was admitted to a Los Angelese psychiatric ward after attempting suicide. The classically trained former child prodigy says she's never really been the same since.
"Once you're in the asylum, you never really get out," she explains. "Everything changes: your voice, how you write, the way you think and you can never go back."
Previously gaining notoriety as Courtney Love's violinist and also lending her talents to Smashing Pumpkins' frontman Billy Corgan's 2005 solo album, The Future Embrace, Emilie is now ready to step things up a gear and claim the spotlight for herself with her forthcoming album.
"My life beings when this is released," she says, "Everything else has just been a rehearsal."
Onstage, Emilie and The Bloody Crumpets - her assorted crew of musicians, circus performers, burlesque dancers and other misfits - enact an all singing, all dancing, interactive vaudevillian romp with metal-shredding and industrial electronics. It's gothic yet fun, classical yet metal, humourous yet serious, with fire-breathing, food fights, stilt-walking and knife-throwing accompanying the morbid, brutally honest music.
"We look like Victorian Spice Girls," she says, proudly. "If you want to see sexy ladies in corsets, this could be for you!"
British fans will soon get to sample the goods themselves, when Emilie and her gang arrive her later this month fora run of high anticipated dates.
"Everybody from four to 40 years old want sot be an inmate at the asylum now," she grins. "We get metalheads, goths and classical geeks and we throw cupcakes at them all. Our show are definitely not what you'd call boring!"
Emilie Autumn - The Dose, Issue 2 (April 2007)
Source: The Internet Archive
You've given up your status of independent artist and signed with Trisol to release Opheliac, your debut album. You've previously argued a lot for your independency, how come you've changed and what reasons did the label bring up to make you change your mind? What do they say about your albums that you still offer for download?
EMILIE: Actually, I haven't given anything up at all. What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that Trisol is not only an independent label, they are the ultimate indie label in that they truly do embody the indie ethics I've been passionate about from the start. I'm referring of course to areas like artistic freedom, musical non-interference, and glorifying the artist's role in every area, ultimately making the artist the boss of their own career, which is precisely what I've always been fighting for. There is another misconception that I received a great sum of money work with Trisol, thereby "selling out," etc.
The truth of course is that no money was even exchanged, the deal not being a conventional record deal but rather a licensing deal, one that combines partners and doesn't mean anybody owns anybody else. There is virtually no difference in what I do or the music I make, the only difference is that people can now buy my albums at more outlets in more corners of the globe. I don't think this goes in any way against anything I have ever said or fought for as I retain all the rights to my work and still maintain my own record label, Traitor, as well as my previous releases (because "Opheliac" is not my debut in fact, I've been around for quite some time). As for downloadable albums I've offered in the past, they re still there for download, right where they were four years ago.
For the sake of those readers who just got to know you from your latest ER could you please make a quick tour of your phases ai releases and a brief history with it?
EMILIE: I'll try…l began with a classical violin record when I was 17, then went on to record my first vocal EP selections from the album that was to become Enchant. Enchant was really my debut as a singer, apart from singing backup for Courtney Love. I was in one of my manic moments of "look at me, I can do all these different styles, and I don't care if you get it or not," and I loved it. That being done I released a few singles in between touring and really lived a bit of life and faced some things I never thought I'd have the face, the result being Opheliac, my current album. I made Opheliac for myself in an attic and I didn't have a clue who would be listening when it was ready, and to be honest. I didn't care. I needed to make it, and so I did, because that's what artists do. That the album has blown up especially in Europe is a shock to me, I appreciate it, but I didn't expect it. That success led me to release an EP from the album featuring live recordings, b-sides, and tons of brilliant remixes by ASP, "Metalocalypse's" Brendon Small, Angelspit, Velvet Acid Christ, Dope Stars Inc., and Spiritual Front. Just after the EP, which was released in January 2007, it occurred to me that I was about to go on tour and hit the stages all over the world primarily a singer (albeit with a violin and a harpsichord and that if I wanted to really show what I could do with the fiddle, the two months before the tour were really my only chance to make that happen. So, that is how the current release, t double disc hardcover book set "Laced/Unlaced" came about, half classical, half violindustrial, all violin madness.
How come you've changed from being a fairy to a more aggressive femme fatale? How did your fans react to that?
EMILIE: I think that the longtime fans who have kept track of my artistic development have found that there was in fact no break in anything but rather a gradual evolution from a young girl who was desperately trying to find hope and beauty in this world through music to a young woman who has lived through hell and back and isn't denying it anymore. I'm making music for me, and I'm doing it for my own survival. Opheliac was a life or death project and I'm out for blood. I can't pretend to be any different than I am, and I certainly won't pretend to have lived a different life so that someone can feel warm and fuzzy. Just as the fairy wings were a metaphor for what I was, Opheliac is a metaphor for what I am now. I still have wings, but they are tiny little bloody angel wings fresh from the grave. You don't go in and out of madhouses and come out sounding quite the same. You just don't.
Your Liar/Dead EP features quite a few remixer bands, like ASP, Angelspit, Velvet Acid Christ and Dope Stars Inc. How did you meet up these guys, did you select them yourself?
EMILIE: Most are close friends or label mates, others are rising bands I admired and wanted to showcase, Angelspit for example. They're fantastic and they did a brilliant job. I'm so proud of the work everyone contributed to this project, really.
You've just released Laced/Unlaced, a DCD featuring your violin-only works. Please tell us about how it sprung into being!
EMILIE: As I mentioned earlier it was really a second decision… I knew that I wanted, at some point, to make this record showing my violinistic development from where I came from in the classical world, to the crazy metal.
I looked at my schedule and said, ok, I can gather up my archived classical recordings, many unheard ever before, and I can compose and record a second disc of my violindustrial material before I go on the road or not for a very long time, because things are getting very busy very fast and it's now or never.
Of course, I needed to make something very special, a glimpse into this world where this material is created, and where I live. So we went to the Asylum with cameras and shot a hardcover photo book to accompany the CDs filled with shots from inside the Asylum, and sheet music from the album, drawings of leeches, and so on. I wanted people to be able to come inside and experience this material with me, both the old and the new. I think I owe it to the instrument I've spent my life practicing 8-10 hours a day. I'm a singer now, but this is where I came from.
What other instruments did you master besides the violin and are there any more you'd love to?
EMILIE: I play the violin (baroque, modern, and electric), viola, viola da gamba, harpsichord and piano, but I secretly dream of mastering the pennywhistle.
You seem to be fascinated by the Japanese Gothic Lolita type of fashion. How did you first encounter this style and what exactly do you fancy in it?
EMILIE: What I love about Lolita style is its basically what I was already doing on my own in my own strange way, and I began to see how two completely different trains can end up at the same spot, and that's the thing that fascinated me. What do I mean by this? The first time I ever heard of Lolita fashion in Japan was when I was at a club some years ago in one of my classic baroque-punk outfits of corset with short frilly skirt and flowers everywhere, and this girl came up to me and asked if I was a Gothic Lolita. When I researched the style, I found it adorable and definitely fascinating, most of all for the reason that the Japanese Loli's in their way were glorifying and adopting and reinventing western historical costume and culture, and that is essentially what I do every day. So it was the fun of seeing how this very interesting culture a world away was so different and yet dressing in the same baroque and Victorian styles that I'd been wearing for years. It's all about adopting and reinventing and I'm a fan of all street scenes that do that, Loli, punk, goth, all of it. It's all beautiful and necessary.
Which GL style do you prefer? Frilly & baroque? Elegant aristocrat? Punkish and wild?
EMILIE: I myself make my own clothes and as such usually come up with something that is not either of these three categories, but as I've got every Gothic Lolita Bible, I can definitely say that Frilly Baroque Lolita is my personal fave, mainly because it takes the most bravery to wear it and as it is the most perverse, it requires a great sense of humour to pull it off in public. I feel that all clothes should require a sense of humor or they're not even worth putting on. My closet is presently filled with crinolines and tattered skirts covered in blood, so it definitely requires some humor on the pa of both the wearer and the observer.
What's your favourite gothloli brand?
EMILIE: That's difficult…of course I love Baby, The Stars Shine Bright and Angelic Pretty, but H. Naoto is more like the clothes I make, and of course Moi-meme-Moitie rules and not just because Mana is my label mate on Trisol.
Is Gothic Lolita Fashion getting more widely popular in the US or is it still a thing for the anime/J-rock chicks?
EMILIE: It is still very exclusive, I think largely because of the difficulty in obtaining t clothes from overseas, so the girls (and boys) who really take the fashion to the next level usually make it themselves, which I wholeheartedly applaud. I think however that any fashion that is impossible to wear on the job is never going to become anything more than cult fashion in a society where everybody's got to work. And that is precisely why I've gotten myself a fake job as a musician where I can wear anything I want.
On your MySpace page you included "Malice Mizer, Moi Dix Mois, All J-Rock" amongst your influences. Do you plan to incorprate J-rock influences to your music or will you just stick with its fashion aspect?
EMILIE: I never had a plan to incorporate either, I admire the fashion and the music just as I admire Baroque fashion and music, and I think that's where the similarities come in, but my music and dress has been a direct development of my childhood working in costume houses and studying history, and I've been developing it for years. I'm into harpsichords because I'm a music history nerd and a period performance specialist and that's what we play. Malice Mizer is one of my very favorite bands because they've also found the beauty in these dusty old relics and really owned them and brought them to life in this very dark exciting way. I admire them and Moi Dix Mois very much for this, it's original and brilliant and I'm honored to be on the same label with both. I love all J-rock with or without harpsichords though, because it's got amazing energy and freshness, which is something popular music in the Western world hasn't had since the eighties.
As a performer: open air/festival, club gig or the orchestra pit?
EMILIE: Club gig, definitely. Intimate salon would be my ideal, surpassed only by dressing room concerts.
Don't you lack purely orchestral work?
EMILIE: Hell no.
You're mastering your instruments with strong confidence. How much time do you spend practicing and is there any challenge which can propel you onwards? Have you been accused from the "professionals" that you're using your talent for the unproper genre?
EMILIE: I don't spend nearly as much time practicing as I used to, because I've paid my dues and done my 10 hours a day not excepting holidays and my fingers pretty well know what they're supposed to do by now. When I practice now, it's to invent new techniques, to develop new acrobatic styles of fingering, or to further the practice of the electric fiddle as a legit rod goddess instrument, a status it does not yet have for the simple reason that most fiddlers turn to the rock scene or playing in a band because they're not terribly good and can't deal with the pressures of being a classical violinist.
So, rock kind of gets the dregs of fiddler pool, in much the same way as violists do, as it's a well known joke/reality that nobody sets out to be a violist, it's something you do when you're not terribly brilliant at the violin. . Sad, but also true as the day is long and a hi diddly ho. I'm a massive violin snob, and I can't stand top see the instrument played badly, but I also know that on the other hand that other violin snobs (because we all are) are looking at me and going, "yeah right, look at her, do you honestly think she knows what she's doing?" And that's why I knew that "Laced/Unlaced" was so important. As for "professionals" thinking I'm misusing my supposed talent, I got over their approval years ago and now avoid it like the plague. If you look at the pathetic state of the classical music industry and it's failing profits, you'll see that their approval amounts to nothing less than a kiss of death.
As a partyface: priceless VIP parties, a subtle pub or moshpit & roll?
EMILIE: Moshpit all the way. Ive done all three varieties and can't say I'm stopping any of them but my particular fondness is for metal shows. That's real energy, and those are some fucking passionate fans. That's a show. That's what I want to see. People charging the stage and tearing their clothes off with no concern for their personal safety or well-being. Fuck VIR I can have champagne anytime.
What would you do if you weren't allowed to make music? "I would surely die in an instant" is not an option. :)
EMILIE: Well, since you've ruled out my first choice, I would write mystery novels and bake cupcakes in the kitchen of my Devonshire hand-fed guide-leech farm for the blind.
Which bands or performers would you recommend to your fans? Please don't refrain from mentioning contemporary classics!
EMILIE: Ha! You know me and penchant for antiques too well! I'm mad about Dragonforce at the moment, and of course Arch Enemy and Children of Bodom I've loved for a while now and highly recommend to anybody who likes a smack in the face every once in a while. Back in my own industrial genre, you probably already know the Dope Stars Inc. are bloody amazing and definitely on the world domination plan, and of course ASP makes killer music which you can hear a hint of in the insane duet remix they did for me of "Liar." If you don't know these guys, you really should, and also check out Cannibal Corpse and honest-to-god live recordings from the Edwardian music halls, because they're better than chocolate. As for classics, three words and the rest is up to you: Violet. Gordon. Woodhouse.
Gloomy Sunday is a song you re sin g a movie clip. Its original version is Hungarian, straight from 1933. People occasionally mention a suicide spree that's allegedly connected to it - what's sure, though,that il composer, Rezso Seres, ended his life with his own hands. How did you came to know this track, which version was your introduction to it and what does it mean to you so that you're referring to it in your track Art of Suicide?
EMILIE: I first heard the Paul Whiteman version, which I believe was the earliest or second earliest English recording. I was incredibly affected by the song and it's bravery in dealing with difficult subject matter in the way that so many others have been, but also by it's story of banning and the demand that a second ending be written to replace the first one, the second one being rather trite and insultingly silly, wrapping the whole song up as though it were a nitwit's dream rather than a suicide. Whiteman recorded the original version, with suicide ending intact. Later on, other were forced to record the song only with the second ending added on because of the morbid nature of the first one. When I reference this in "The Art of Suicide," it is in the lyric at the very end which says "life is not like Gloomy Sunday with a second ending when the people are disturbed…". This is followed by "well they should be disturbed because there's a lesson that ought to be learned." I believe that in all suicides there is a lesson that ought to be learned and brushing over it or glamorizing it as the Victorian painters did or making something simple which is in fact very complex is a mistake that continues to this day.
Could you please elaborate a bit about The Asylum, what it consists of and how do you plan to expand it in the future?
EMILIE: Certainly. The Asylum is where I live. There are many branches and wings and I find that where ever I go, I am always still there. The story of the Asylum is too lengthy to be told here in its entirety, but I can summarize that the Asylum is a living, breathing entity, it grows ind changes shape along with its inhabitants, and for me, it is the only place I feel safe. It began life as a Insane Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, but along the way, the girls revolted and all of the doctors who were torturing and performing medical tests upon them were murdered by their hands. They still live there, as do I, and many of my closest girlfriends and Bloody Crumpets, but we have owned it and made it our haven. The Asylum is about taking back what's yours and turning your prison into your sanctuary. If you want to see what it looks like, you will have to get the "Laced/Unlaced" photo book because it takes you closer than anyone's ever been before.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Emilie, do you have any final messages for The Dose readers?
EMILIE: The pleasure is entirely mine. I'd simply like to advise the dear readers not to drink hydrogen peroxide if they wish not to burn a whole in their esophagus because it truly does ruin one's afternoon.
And the very last one: what do you fill those green tea mochi with? They did look divine indeed!
EMILIE: Oh! With red adzuki bean paste of course! You simply boil the adzukis with water and sugar and there you have it! My cooking obsession is where my true allegiance to Japan lies! Hurrah!