Synopsis: When James and Lily died, and your brother was sent to Azkaban, Remus was the only person you had left. Until he left too. What happens when he returns after the events of Sirius's escape, only to find out you have a son? A son that's his.
WC: 2k
Warnings: lots of italics, probably grammatical mistakes, kiss(es), might be ooc idk, child (?), fem reader, italics are flashbacks ( idk), love (ew), reader takes remus back, attempted kissing, reader gets uncomfortable.
A/n: I spent wayy too long on this chapter, I have no clue when the next part is coming, if it even will. Thank you all so much for being patient with me all throughout, I last updated this series over a year ago, and started it with not many clear ideas except a few tid-bits on the notes app. Thank you all so much for your support, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm oddly, quite fond of it.
Series masterlist, Main masterlist, Navigation
You hate Remus Lupin.
You hate his imperfect nose.
You hate his knobby knees.
You hate his crooked teeth.
You hate his acne clad face.
You hate his scarred hands.
You hate his stupid mullet.
You hate his tilted smile.
You hate his stupid eyes that he always rolls.
You hate it. You hate him.
But you can't help but think.
You think of him. You think of him being yours.
You think of his imperfect nose, buried in a book as he ignores the mischief of his friends.
You think of his knobby knees scraping on the carpet as he kneels down to ask you what's wrong.
You think of his crooked teeth that peek through when he tries to suppress his smile.
You think of his acne scars you'd want to kiss and connect like constellations with your fingers.
You think of his scarred hands that are oh so gentle on your face.
You think of his stupid hair that you'd run your fingers through.
You think of his tilted smile that seems to light up a room.
you think of his goddamned eyes and how they'd roll back when-
"You're staring at the window like it murdered your family." Lily's voice shakes you out of your trance.
You can't help but retort with a snarky comment.
"Would be nice if it did." Lily chuckles at that before her face resumes its curious glow.
"What were you thinking?" She laments.
"About how much i hate Lupin" it was half the truth. Everyone at Hogwarts knew you "hated" him. When I say "hated" they knew exactly how much you pinned over him.
" Please, we all know you don't hate him. You should just shag and get it over with" that makes your face warm as a laugh bubbles out of your throat.
"Shag? Lupin? Never."
Lies.
The crisp air of the winter morning seems to jolt Remus awake as he stands with his arms folded over the railing.
Sleep, it never came to him easy, his lycanthrophy paired with the constant chronic pain that pestered him was what led to his insomnia.
To say he hasn't been able to sleep well the past 13 years, would be an understatement.
But now, after talking to his child, his son, his flesh and blood, that he didn't know he had.
Sleep comes even more seldom.
Footsteps echo behind him, they're familiar.
Moving in a rhythm perhaps only Remus himself could recognise.
“What is it, Pads..?” He finds himself speaking before he can think.
He can hear air leaving Sirius's nose as he huffs a laugh.
The wind howls louder, seemingly cutting through the tension that had resided over the pair.
“Here to tell me how shitty I was?” a smile stretches across his face, yet his words don't imply the same.
“You know better than anyone, i wouldn't”
Sirius rests his hands on the railing, next To his best friend. The cold picks his skin and he winces ever so slightly before continuing.
“What is it? Did you sleep at all last night?”
Sirius knew Remus had the tendency to lock himself in solitude, think over things in silence and forget that he has a life.
Sirius also knew that he couldn’t do it alone.
Remus’s mouth opens, yet no words come out. He lets out a huff and his mouth closes once again.
A sigh accompanies the tapping of Sirius’s fingers. His question was left unanswered.
“She named him after my brother…”
He introduces something new, something to pave the way for the “elephant in the room”
“...he’s a good kid, from what I can tell. Like you, have you seen the number of books he has in this room alone? Godric, that kid is spoiled”
Remus’s brows furrow at that, Sirius isn't here to talk about books or Regulus's likeness. He knows that he ought to receive a lecture. But what could he do but wait as Sirius gathered his thoughts.
“Just say it, what you came here for. You’re not one to beat around the bush are you?”
Remus feels his face get warm, a tingle that spreads through his nose and cheeks. He wants to cry. Cry like a little kid, sob in his lover's arms.
And yet you’re so far away.
Perhaps it is shame that flows through him, or guilt, maybe hatred. That he doesn’t know.
Sirius’s next words feel cautious, yet they’re the most someone has understood Remus without his own words.
"He may be your kid, moony. But you're not his father yet."
Remus’s eyes widened at that, the bitter truth that he hoped would never reach his ears.
But he’s right, Remus was no father, merely a stranger, an old professor, a coward.
Sirius would know, he had grown up with a father that never felt like one.
Those feelings have long been forgotten though, as now he walks past his father's portrait in the hall with a smug smirk on his face, seemingly proud of himself for having tarnished the family name.
Remus heaves a sigh, blinks back tears and nods.
The wind continues to howl, that it never stops.
“Regulus come downstairs, everyone is waiting!”
Your voice echoes through the staircase, all the children were already at the table, awaiting breakfast.
Begrudging footsteps follow the warning call as Regulus, still angry, follows the Weasley twins downstairs.
“Thank you, boys” you offer to the twins before turning to your son.
His eyes are wide, red. He had been crying, you conclude.
You reckon yours aren't in much better condition either. After what happened last night, the thoughts of being a bad mother plagued you more than you’d like to admit.
He stares at you for a moment, then silently sits at the far end of the table.
Remus and Sirius shuffle down the stairs after, you give them a reprimanding look that Sirius immediately ignores and goes to talk to his nephew. Leaving you and Remus in the hallway.
“Breakfast is ready, go sit down, I'll get you a plate.”
You feel your face flush, memories of you crying in your husband's arms flood your mind.
It hurts, you conclude.
Your son doesn’t want to speak to you, perhaps rightfully so, you don’t want to talk to your husband, yet you yearn for him and there seems to be a fine line between forgiveness and closure.
You toe the line, from which side you do not know, but it hurts.
Yes, it hurts.
Breakfast ends with a discussion of the order's responsibilities. They still leave you somewhat out of the loop, to them you're a host, in Sirius's childhood home. Nothing more.
Remus's figure floats into your view, his auburn hair blocking your vision.
His eyes travel searchingly across the room, everyone shuffling out as the meeting comes to an end.
You stare at him, knowing he has something to say. Him biting his lip and tapping his fingers gives that much away.
“Well?”
You initiate, trying to let your stubbornness subside as you hold his gaze.
His mouth opens decisively, a sigh follows after.
“Can we talk?”
You feel your eyes widen, and before you can respond he gets up and walks towards the living room, presumably expecting you to follow.
You do so with little to no hesitation.
The fire crackles with glowing embers, ease as you settle on the plush of the living room sofa.
Remus’s figure occupying an armchair directly across as you wait for him to talk.
“I talked to Regulus”
He says, his words Hurried, like you'd leave the moment he brought up the topic.
Giving out a moment of thought you replied sharply.
“I told you, Lupin, do as you please-”
“Don't call me that.”
He cuts you off, an old habit of his, you recall.
A scoff escapes your lips before you can register.what he says. A witty reply following suit.
“It's your name.”
Your brows furrow In what you can only assume is anger, You wouldn't dare feel anything else for the man.
“Not to you…”
He pauses, taking a breath.
“…Dove”
At that you feel yourself grow hot, embarrassment flowing through your blood, making you sigh before standing up. The couch squeaks, as your footsteps echo across the polished marble floors.
“oh! please do call me that, doesn’t bother me at all”
An eye roll accompanies your words, laced with sarcasm.
And although Remus cannot see your face he imagines it to be just that. Sassy.
A sad smile tugs at his lips as he too gets up, following at your heels.
He joins you by the open window, the wind has subsided to a calmer flow.
He maintains a rather respectful distance as he too, leans over the railing, a mirror image of your stance.
A moment of vulnerability, you realise. Something you never thought you'd have again.
You wonder if you'd forgive him. You think of Regulus, his eyes when he knew the truth.
How much you've been through these 12 years.
How much you've grown.
“What do you want me to call you then, dove?”
You look up to him at that, disdain evident on your face. It melts away at his smile. How genuine it is makes you laugh.
“Y/n would be nice” you hold his gaze while you reply.
Defeated he nods, as the both of you look over at the horizon once again.
The sun is setting now, casting a golden glow over the two of you.
“Y/n…”
His velvety voice catches your attention. You turn your head to him, only to see him not looking at you. You’re sure he’s seen your movement though, as he takes it as his que to continue.
Nothing. Nothing could brace you for the words that were to follow.
“I love you.” Your eyes widen. He continues.
"I have never been able to forgive myself, I left you and I was a terrible person– am a terrible person but– I love you, Please give me another chance."
Your eyes flicker away from him, thinking of a way to phrase your thoughts.
Remus's eyes are downcast, taking your silence as rejection, ire even.
Taking a deep breath, you move forward, taking his hand in yours.
"Remus...You've done something so, so unforgivable. You left me remus, I hated you for it, hated myself for it...." you almost don't recognise your voice as you speak.
As he opens his mouth to respond, you give his hand a squeeze, showing that you're still talking.
"...but to you...? I would give a thousand chances."
You can almost hear it, the rhythmic palpitations of your heart, how they speed up as his hands squeeze yours back, and speed up even more as he leans forward.
Your instincts force you to take a step back. Remus, though cautious, fails to get the memo.
"Dove...I- I promise, I will make it up to you. I will, just wait"
Your heart still yearns for him, his solemn touch, his wrinkly smile, his broken laugh.
He can see the love you hold for him in his eyes, or so he thinks.
In a movement as swift as a fox, Remus swoops forward and almost presses his lips to yours.
Almost.
You let out a choked noise and back away, putting distance between the two of you.
For good.
"Remus, can-"
He panics for a moment, it's reflected in his eyes.
"I- Uhm- sorry. I don't know- actually, i wasn't- You know...thinking"
A hum from you is what he gets in return.
"Can we- can we take it slow?"
You ask cautiously, still catching your breath.
"Yeah, yeah of course. I should've asked, I'm so- so- sorry. God i fucked up already huh?"
Remus replied, a pathetic chuckle at the end of his sentence.
"Uhm...it's okay, really."
In a world of boys he's a gentleman.
“D- Uh, Y/n..I had to ask…uhm..is regulus a…is he? Uh like me?”
You try to connect the dots, you always had a knack for finishing his sentences.
“A lycanthrope? Remus?”
All Remus musters us is a nod, his eyes are glassy, there’s the smallest glimmer of hope in them.
A shrug follows his movement, unable to provide a clear answer.
Your heart breaks for the man. Yet you still hate him.
I have a lot of AUs for the cabs but one of my favorites is called Timewarp Zé.
In it, while down in Acapulco on spring break, José falls off a cliff and dies.
Well...
Not Really..What actually happens is a lot weirder
José, in a one in a million, billion, accident falls through a rip in time and space. He then spends the next 19 years dealing with the bullshit that comes from that one in a million, billion accident.
You know, I bet you'd look much cuter if you smiled. Why don't you try it sometime?
Taissa Farmiga as Annie | The Twilight Zone - Episode 7: Not All Men (2019)
there’s been a time when t.w.z. audio path was so much simpler than it is now.
not only a (small) mixer within this frame clouds the whole wiring thing, but with paths that can be mixed together, what really happens is mostly beyond what a static drawing can explain.
to complicate the drawing just a tad more, after about 45 years since i started playing i’ve finally discovered why the only distortion i can stand is someone else’s, and i’ve always only despised distortion onto my guitars or basses: i can’t take it as a whole with the instrument feed, i can only mix it in, and partially, in a very modest quantity, containing maybe even the fiercest and nasty-est distortion, but only mixed it with plenty of clean signal.
which results in the lehle parallel m just acting as the strymon riverdrive’s blend control, while it’s the darkglass bk7 ultra that comes stock with such blend (and taught me why i never liked distortion on my own voice).
despite boxes not being precisely framed as in the past (because of the wiring, like in real life), the beauty of an audio path diagram like this is, you’ll find you way around it when you’re designing sound, your own signature.
Synopsis: When James and lily died, and your brother was sent to Azkaban, Remus was the only person you have left. Until he left too. What happens when he returns after the events of Sirius's escape, only to find out you have a son? A son that's his.
WC: 817 words
Warnings: lots of italics, probably grammatical mistakes, kiss(es), might be ooc idk, child (?), fem reader, italics are flashbacks ( idk), love (ew), [ look at series masterlist for all content warnings]
A/n: bear with me on this one, it's rather short but it's to jumpstart the series so i can write the rest of the parts. If you like this, please reblog and comment! <3
Series Masterlist, Main Masterlist, Navigation
"When did you say they were arriving again?"
Your voice echoes through the walls of the kitchen at 12 Grimmauld place. you wipe down the kitchen counters as another smaller, more meek voice replies.
"Mum we talked about this" That's your son. Regulus.
After the event of your brother passing, you wanted to honour his name. Such a beautiful name it was. No matter how cruel the people to name him were.
"I know ,I just worry, what if they get lost? maybe they couldn't find the place? what if they got caught- " Your rambling was interrupted by your son once again.
"MUM! nothing is going to happen. Besides, he's your brother. And he has lived here before. You know him." Regulus reasoned, and frankly his reasoning was logical. you were just...paranoid.
You did however, leave out the fact that what truly made you nervous was Remus.
"Well i haven't for the past 14 years, Regulus." you replied, snappy, referring to sirius. Your impatience was nearly rivaling that of your son.
"when is it arrivingggg?" a voice full of exasperation nearly whines as the screeching sound of trolly wheels comes to a halt.
An eleven year old regulus rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet as he (claimed to) patiently wait for hogwarts express to make it's way into the platform.
A thirty three year old you bent down to brush away his untamed curls, sighing as you did so.
"It will arrive soon enough, dove. Calm down."
Your voice tried to reason but little regulus's patience was waning. You had never seen a kid be so excited at the thought of going off to boarding school. But you suppose watching his older brother Harry would have embedded him with some form of excitement for the school.
You would be lying if you said you weren’t just as excited. It was your son’s first day at school. Big boy wizarding school.You were excited to see your boy go to the place you first knew as home, meet your former professors, roam the halls that you did, and make friends.
You did not, however, expect his first friend to be Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy and your dearest cousin. In a way the two were cousins, they just didn’t know it yet.
That summer, when regulus came back from Hogwarts, he had a plethora of stories to tell you. His rant began with his new friends, Draco, Blaise, Pansy and Theo, and ended with his defense against the dark arts professor, Remus Lupin.
Needless to say all colour drained from your face at the mention of him. Remus Lupin…how do you even begin to describe remus lupin?
Remus is pretty.
He is pretty like the sunrise in winter, when the sky is faded out and it's warm. Thats what you think as you sit on the roof of potter manor. Chatting, with hands occupied by, what you think is, beer in plastic cups. You felt giddy, perhaps it was the alcohol in your system. Or the gentle brush of his hand on your clothed thigh. You felt…in love. Somewhere along the way your innocent schoolgirl crush had become something more. You hoped it had been so for him as well.
“Dove…”
His velvety voice catches your attention. You turn your head to him, only to see him still facing the sun. You’re sure he’s seen your movement though, as he takes it as his que to continue.
Nothing. Nothing could brace you for the words that were to follow.
“I fancy you.” Your eyes widen.He continues.
“I have for some time now… I think you fancy me too? Not to- I- uhm–”
“I do.” you find yourself speaking.
That was your first of many kisses to come.
Just then, the sound of the doorbell catches your attention.
“That must be them” your son says, in a rather ‘i told you so’ tone.
You rush to wipe your hands on the kitchen towel and head for the door.
Taking a deep breath to brace yourself for what’s probably Remus Lupin on the other side of the door, you pull it open with a creak.
Your eyes immediately find his.
And for a moment, you're fourteen again. Staring at the brown haired bloke across kings cross station, as he laughs with your brother. Mesmerized by his eyes, his nose, his lips, his scars. You knew that face all too well.
You blink and you're back at the doorway. Staring at those brown eyes, those eyes you knew...all too well.
