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a friend and me have become so attached to the idea of being matching wizards we ordered fabric and were gonna make wizard hats and cloaks and wear them to school occasionally

#txttxt #my healt h is so bad rn im really struggling bc i caught some weird virus thats making me unable to eat and it sucks !!!!!!!!!!!!#its been almost an entire week and im so weak at this point #but im having a lot of fun on a . mental basis #with my friends and just also by interacting with people i dont know #which is really new to me bc im generally kinda shy and introverted #and im also *** ******* way more than usual which i think is helping #also my friends gave me the coolest late-celebration bday gifts #one of them knitted me a skimask like what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ily #and another one was travelling through finland in summer and got me moomin things #and i also got a cactus !!!!!!!!!!#its phallic #i love my friends

what kind of state am I in that this made my day? This made my day. I feel sad. Thinking about connection to my physical existence. I want my body to be loved more and I want to connect with it. I am gradually accepting that i need other people involved with my physical body, I can’t connect with it alone, I’ve tried but I need others to care about my body in MORE than a ‘treating your illness’ way. bodies are a community entities and die without attention and touch. I’m no longer thinking about dads comment btw I’m just spinning out adjacent thoughts. I’m so desperate to connect. All I do is treat my body like business, like deals and catch-22 transactions to be coldly managed, weighing my options up. Everything is just management. I need intentional hands on me for non-management purpose, and I need a gentle awareness, acknowledgement that my body is here and accepted and seen, not as a terrible thing to put up with or a transaction for pain. I use my own gentle hands but I only have two and they hurt. Need hug

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#i love my bf so much i have to start writing poetry or something #im going to lose my mind otherwise #txttxt #x

being sick in a way that leaves me unable to go outside really puts into perspective that i just took the ability to go out and walk down the street for absolutely granted and im so mad ? once i get better AND I WILL im going to enjoy every second i can spend outside

#like i always liked it but i never looked at it as something special #and i think i will now #i feel like this is putting my entire life into perspective and i never want to take stuff for granted again #txttxt #how much longer until this goes away im so mad #its been almost a month now and i feel like its really really slowly getting better #but at the same time im scared im just imagining that it is lol #bc its hard to tellif youre improving when its so gradual that you dont really have authentic memories anymore of how u felt #say two weeks ago #but i think its better !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 #like i spent days too weak to really stand and get up and now i can walk around the house #and a few days ago when i was trying to walk around the yard it made me physically nauseous and i had to stop but now i can take the stairs #and its fine

tumblr is the only place i feel ok putting my drawings rn bc i know maybe 4 ppl will see them

#idk it feels so scary being exposed i feel like i lost all my confidence as an artist and my style is changing a lot and im losing myself #a bit maybe idk loool #txttxt

aaa

#doing amounts of gay kissing u cant even comprehend . you WISH you were me #txttxt #i have a pass to be annoying about this

im so HAPPY i pitched my animation idea to my team for a school project and they loved it and they just said they think i should be art director for the project im gonna CRY

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i miss when autumn existed its almost october and theres still summer weather

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