Everything has a Reason.
Sleepless nights, intensive studying and worrying is finally over. The Lightning Pitch is already done. I am proud to say that we got to the Top 10 in the final round. However, something disappointed me.
I am a kind of person who loves challenges and changes. I am a perfectionist woman. I easily got vexed when I give someone the things he needed to do but he can't do it properly than I am. I'm not boastful nor arrogant but as what I've said, I am a perfectionist woman. I don't want to disappoint others. I want to do everything for that thing no matter what it takes.
In the Pitching competition a while ago, my heart was devastated because we didn't make it to the Top 3. I dunno but it just breaks my heart. I've been praying and hoping even before to stand in front of the crowd, having a pitch or whatsoever presentation and sharing the knowledge I had. I want to be a CEO of a company, a sales representative, a manager, a supervisor, a private secretary of the boss and so on. I really love talking in front. I don't have that much confidence in myself but the passion and the dream takes away all the anxiousness and unworthiness inside me.
Before the thesis started, I randomly said to myself and to my group mates, "One day, we will be standing in front of the crowd. Representing the school for the BITS competition. Our capstone project will soon be made into a reality." God heard me even though I didn't pray for it because I just said it teasingly. I honestly know that they are scared of that. This is it. We had all the chances we could have. But to my disappointments and frustrations, I suddenly asked myself "Are we worthy not to win the pitch?" I know we're not. I know our Capstone Project has the market and potential to rise in the industry. Our competitors also had that potential and market and I definitely know, they are very much qualified to win but ours is much into technopreneurship than theirs.
If and only if the our pitcher had only discussed the exact and specific details of our system, I guess we can be one of the winners. If and only if they included me in any of the plans ahead, we can anticipate the things that are very much essential to the competition. I am a perfectionist woman. I want the best. I want to win. I know I can do better than our pitcher but the sad thing is, they didn't trust my abilities. Watching him speaking in front unpreparedly, makes me want to cry in frustration. I wanna grab the microphone and exchange places with him. I want it to be a perfect pitch. It shattered all hopes and chances that God gave us.
Right now, I am really sad because of the results of the pitch. But happy as well because God surprised me of a text message from my dad. I texted mom and dad that we are included in the Top 10 Finalist of the Lightning Pitch. When the competition ended, I checked my phone and saw dad's reply. He said, "Keep up your good work nak, we are proud of you and we are praying for you..God Bless you.. we love you.." His text message really puts a big mark on my heart. It made me to tears. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to say. I am frustrated that time. I am disappointed as well but as I read his text message, I stucked to realization that everything in life has a purpose. We may have all the chances we can have. We may have all the abilities we can possess but without the permission of God, we cannot pursue our plans, our hopes and our dreams. I am now proud that we fail to bring home the bacon. I am not being sarcastic but I am proud because even if we lose, I felt the moral support of my father that has been my longing since I was a child.
The event was really awesome. It made me ponder, learn new things and experience extreme surprises that is much important than my wants in life.
-jounalicious