#ultimate steaming shitbag

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Wait question because I’m having a brain blank

Do we have like, canonical evidence before ROTS that says that Obi Wan doesn’t really like Palpatine? Because yeah I know he says he doesn’t like politicians, but fanfic and meta make a deal about how Obi Wan just disdainfully tolerates Palpatine specifically because he might not be able to figure out the Sith angle, but he knows a Fake Bitch when he sees one

And I REALLY hope there’s canon backing for it because it’s one of the funniest things about the prequels that I really enjoy.

Just, the idea of Obi Wan and Sidious like, politely smiling at each other over Anakin’s head all :) :) :) :) as he basks in having two of his favorite people around, but both of them are like at least remotely aware that the other cannot stand their ass.

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Satine Kryze 🤝 Sheev Palpatine

Having exactly NOTHING in common except for a similar end of their name so that whenever I bring up ship names involving them I always end up giving at least one person I’m talking to a heart attack

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ON “DAVEGATE”

Ohhhhhh BOY so I was behind on the Mando docuseries so I had been staying out of all the “Davegate” stuff cuz I didn’t know context or what exactly Filoni said and I just saw the second ep where he says the thing about the overarching theme of SW and....... ohhhhh boy, yeah, now I get why some people were like hmmmmmm about what he said 😂

Like uhhhhhh I’m very sorry mr. Dave I understand you have been working with SW for a Very long time and all, but how did you get “Anakin has daddy issues” as the theme of the prequels and Star Wars in general?!?!??

I mean, I’m just a humble fan, but I’ve never seen ANY portrayals of Anakin in SW media that imply he’s looking for a father or needs a father to make things better like? It never seemed to bother him, if anything, I feel like his past as a slave and working under Watto and dealing with the other adult racers and stuff makes him more disagreeable to the idea of a firm paternal authority figure telling him what to do. Like I agree with Dave that Qui Gon would have taken a more parental role with Anakin and that Obi Wan didn’t take a parental role at all, but I DEFINITELY don’t agree that it necessarily would have made things better or basically anything else on Dave’s (imho) ice-cold take on Obi Wan and how much he really cares

I mean, Anakin’s complicated relationship with authority in general is a whole ‘nother discussion on how while he simultaneously chafes against authority and is all about his own independence, but at the same time gravitates toward confident, intelligent, authoritative figures who he knows he can rely on to make difficult decisions and trusts to make the world make sense— or at least make sense the way he thinks it should be (and yes here I mean Obi Wan, Padmé, and Palpatine, in different ways). He’s a pleaser at heart, he wants to make the people he cares about happy with him because if he’s received validation from one he respects that means he’s done something Good because these authority figures he approves of are the examples of right and good in his world, so that means he’s fine to follow their direction because he trusts them.

Anakin did find a father figure in the prequels and as Dave said, it’s not Obi Wan (and that’s NOT a bad thing), the problem is it’s fucking Palpatine. Qui Gon was the wise, experienced older man who first saw potential in him and praised him. Yeah he might have started to see him as a father figure, maybe, we don’t have enough time. It’s enough for him to get to like the idea tho and start making a box in his head for “people who make the world make sense”= “people like Qui Gon”. Then, with Qui Gon dead, Anakin still has that now empty spot in his mind and immediately comes across another wise, experienced older man who first saw potential in him and praised him. Of course he’s gonna latch onto Palps as a new sort of father figure, because who else does he have? Obi Wan?

Nah, Obi Wan, he kinda recognizes as another who’s a little scared, a little lost, a little uncertain soul like himself. He’s gonna see Obi Wan as someone different because “you’re like me, you’re figuring this out as you go too”. Obi Wan doesnt become his father figure because right away there’s too much similarity between them, it puts them onto more of an equal level, they’re more a team figuring stuff out and rolling with the punches. He respects Obi Wan immensely and considers him another one of those people he would follow, but Obi Wan hasn’t gained his respect through insta-father impression, Obi Wan has gained his respect because Anakin has seen Obi Wan grow and mature along with his own apprenticeship, he’s watched Obi Wan be tested and prove himself time after time again. Anakin looks up to and respects Obi Wan and his authority because he knows Obi Wan, and knows just exactly how good he is. Obi Wan isn’t Anakin’s father. He’s his example, his challenge he’s always striving to meet, his hopeful equal, and arguably who he sees as his better half as much as he’s frustrated by him sometimes.

Anakin has plenty of authority figures in his life willing and offering to guide him, he doesn’t suffer from the lack of a father, and that’s not why he makes the choices he does. Anakin HAS a father figure throughout the prequels, that father figure just happens to be a fucking Sith Lord who guides him the wrong way.

If Qui Gon survived, I think Anakin would have turned out differently because Qui Gon would have filled that father figure role Palpatine had had, and that would have influenced him differently as well as the loss of Obi Wan as his Master would have. Does that make him “better” or less likely to fall? No, because Darth Sidious ABSOLUTELY would have still forced his way into Anakin’s life regardless. Anakin has a big heart, all it would take would be one time for Sheevy to make an impact on him and then suddenly Palps is right back corrupting him again, and I don’t think Qui Gon’s presence alone could stop it. In fact, it might make things worse as Obi Wan might not be as involved in Anakin’s life in this scenario, and Obi Wan played a HUGE role in keeping Anakin in the Light, or should I say making Anakin want to stay in the Light becaus HIS FALL WAS HIS OWN FUCKING CHOICE AND FAULT, NOT THE ORDER’S.

So yeah that was my spiel on Anakin tryna debunk the “daddy issues” theory, sorry Dave, I just can’t agree.

I don’t even have the energy to explain just why I’m like “uhhhhh nO?” about Dave’s take regarding the Jedi Order vs Qui Gon or his take on Obi Wan’s feelings regarding Anakin and why I highkey disagree, but other ppl have made better posts on that regardless lol

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Okay, part two to a question asked by an anon in this post!

My theory is basically that while The Clone Wars as a TV show has Obi Wan and Anakin as narrative foils, the Prequel Trilogy does not show them as being foils.  In fact, I argue that in the movies. Obi Wan’s narrative foil is mostly Sidious.  Anakin’s foil?  Could be argued as maybe Obi Wan in Attack of the Clones, but they’re definitely not foils in the first movie, I don’t think Anakin even really has a foil in The Phantom Menace because Anakin is only a supporting character in The Phantom Menace.  The leads of TPM are very much Qui Gon and Padmé, and everyone else is kinda along for the ride.  But in Revenge of the Sith?  Nah, still not Obi Wan.  I’d say Anakin’s foil in ROTS is Mace Windu.  And then throughout the OT, Anakin’s pretty clear foil is Luke

But anon asked specifically about my Obi Wan and Sidious theory, so here’s an in depth of that:

Foils are meant to act as “opposites” to each other.  It doesn’t have to be the protagonist and the antagonist, just two people with similar plotlines who go about approaching the same situation in different ways and highlight each other’s differences through their actions.

In TPM, we could also say Obi Wan’s foil is Qui Gon, as they represent the Jedi anxious to follow the rules and doesn’t have much to say about the little desert boy and then the Jedi more laid back who likes to create his own and thinks the kid is Space Jesus.  However, I would still say that Obi Wan and Sidious are more foils, because they play the same role in the story-- in support to Qui Gon for Obi Wan, and to both Padmé and Maul for Sidious.  It’s funny to remember, but in the first movie?  Neither Obi Wan nor Sidious had any real vested interest in Anakin until after Qui Gon died.  Sidious wasn’t after Quigs and Pads because of Anakin.  He was after them because he needed Padmé to sign Naboo over to the Trade Federation and also get Valorum out so he could get in.  Padmé was his goal.  Same with Obi Wan.  Yeah, he thought Anakin was a cute enough kid, but the entire movie was him going “uh yeah that’s nice Qui Gon, but don’t we have a job to do?  The Queen??  Hello???”  Obi Wan was focused on Padmé too because that was the assignment.  Also, both Sidious and Obi Wan spend the movie looking for recognition, Sidious from the Senate as Chancellor, and Obi Wan from his Master in general.  They both also kinda hover in the background while Qui Gon and Maul take up the scenes as hero and villain, but by the end of the film, both the “main hero” and the “main villain” are dead (yes i know not really but TCW!Maul is a whole ’nother basket of rabid opossums), and Obi Wan and Sidious are the ones highlighted around the funeral pyre.

AOTC is the biggest place where one could make an argument for Anakin and Obi Wan as narrative foils; again, like Obi Wan and Qui Gon in the last movie, they represent two Jedi, one who’s focused to Duty, Order, and His Mission, and the other is doubting his place in the order, breaking the rules, falling in love, committing mass murder, etc.  Together, they fight Geonosian lizard monsters.  Sidious actually doesn’t have a huge part in this movie, he’s mostly in the background, but his influence is there.  Throughout the entire movie, Anakin brings up two different ideologies when he’s confused about Padmé, about his mother, about the Tuskens.  There’s Obi Wan’s Jedi teachings he’s constantly berating himself on, then there’s the “sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me” teachings the plot tells us comes from Old Grampa Palpy.  We know that Palps is the one to assign Anakin to Padmé’s protection, while Obi Wan is the one to be like “uhhhh Mace, not that I would have any reason to know this as a fact, but I know this as a fact that if you send a young horny guy with no impulse control on a bodyguard mission with a hot politician chick, Things Will Not Go Well.”  Even now, we see the emergences of Obi Wan being the one to try and keep Anakin on the side of Light and Goodness, while Sidious and his whisperings are coaxing him towards the Dark.

Then there’s ROTS.  Probs the most blatant here.  The entire movie is Anakin as a confused mess, running to Sidious with his Padmé problems because he’s worried, terrified to tell Obi Wan about anything because he’s worried, the movie starting out with Anakin loving and respecting Obi Wan as his Master, and ending it with him openly replacing him with Sidious as his Master, Padmé disliking and working against Sidious and telling Anakin so while growing closer and more trusting of Obi Wan.  Obi Wan and Sidious represent Anakin’s very struggle to choose the Light or the Dark in this film.  Obi Wan is there when Anakin Skywalker dies, and Sidious is there for the birth of Darth Vader.

So yeah, Obi Wan and Anakin are never really foils in the movies.  Obi Wan’s foils are mostly Sidious with maybe a bit of Qui Gon and a bit of Anakin.

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Star Wars Characters in an Avatar: The Last Airbender AU

So I’ve been thinking of this for a while. The way I’m doing it, only Force-Sensitives will be benders cuz that feels right

PREQUELS

Anakin Skywalker: Earthbender. Well, actually he’d be the Avatar and his best skill would be firebending, but Anakin grows up in the Earth Kingdom in this AU in that desert where he races sandships and wins by sandbending. He also figures out metalbending cuz he’s a nerd and still good with metals and mechanics.

Obi Wan Kenobi: Firebender. NO WAIT LISTEN. Firebender!Obi is a hill I will die on because ik he might SEEM more like water or air or even earth, the guy in ATLA who Obi Wan mirrors the closest is Uncle Iroh. They both are distinguished war generals former war generals who ended up outcasts because the government they served was no longer what they stood for and their loved ones got hurt/killed. Both are the Wise Old Mentor who guide the troubled young men whose fathers brutally maimed them. Both are fucking deadly when they want to be and only grow stronger with age. The only difference is that Obi Wan gets along with Mark Hamill while Iroh.... Does Not. Obes is a firebender because he knows how to control it. Also, if Anakin goes evil in this AU, y’all KNOW the Mustafar fight in this would have to be an Agni Kai. Speaking of, another firebender story Obi Wan matches is Roku (yes he’s the avatar but again, was born Fire) whose friendship fallout with Firelord Sozin is VERY similar to Obi Wan and Anakin’s mess, right down to someone’s wife dying because of their BS.

Padmé Amidala: Earth Kingdom. She also leads the Kyoshi Warriors cuz c’mon Pads and her royal handmaidens are basically MADE for that right down to the facepaint. She serves the Earth King, and is a diplomat between nations

Ahsoka Tano: Waterbender. Ooooooh I debated this for a while whether she should be water, air, or fire, but ultimately chose water cuz Ahsoka gives off big Korra vibes. She’s from the Southern Water Tribe, probably figured out bloodbending but flat out refuses, more of a fighter than a healer, WILL freeze your ass Elsa-style.

Qui Gon Jinn: Airbender. Yeah so no one wiped out the airbenders in this AU, he’s the go-with-the-flow type and has the same tendency to pick up weird animals. It was between air earth and water for him but I figured he was too stubborn for water and too idealistic for earth. Definitely uses his height to wield a big airending staff around and can knock like twenty ppl over at once. Figures out energybending but only to really make his plants grow xD

Satine Kryze: Water Tribe. Ooooooh y’all Satine was the one I had the most difficulty with because ugh basically ALL freaking Mandalorians are fiery hotheads and Satine the most fiery of them all so putting her as the nonbending pacifist leader of a bunch of firebenders is VERY tempting because that would make an interesting story. However, I ultimately chose Water Tribe, the Northern Water Tribe in particular because Satine feels a lot like Princess Yue. Very put-upon leader who’s facing enemies from the outside as well as arguments within her own advisors, just wants the best for her people, ultimately willing to die for her beliefs and her people when some asshole outsider comes in and attacks, traumatizes her boyfriend when she does die and the fandom tends to poke gentle fun at her boyfriend for it afterwards. Also, Bo Katan and her Nite Owls feel a lot like the water tribe wolf warriors to me.

Palpatine: Firebender/Earth King. Yes this makes sense because although Sidious HAS to be a firebender because lightningbending, he also has to be able to screw over Padmé and Anakin. So, he’s a firebender who manages to manipulate his way into the Earth Kingdom and take control of the throne and Ba Sing Se. May or may not still hold power in Fire Nation and talk them into invading everyone anyway or not, but he’s def evil.

Yoda: SWAMPBENDER. Bahaha ok so I know that the swampbenders all kinda fell under waterbender status, right? But yea waterbender would work really well for Yoda, but you KNOW he lives in the swamp as a cretin alllll the time in this AU and trolls everyone else and likes splashing them in the face. Yoda could also def be an airbender

Count Dooku: Earthbender. Dooku is solid, tall, works with the earth, and I think Form 2 kinda looks the most “grounded”, shall I say, of all the forms. Just the way he moves and his stubbornness definitely say earthbender to me, though he could also def be fire

Mace Windu: Firebender. The way in canon he’s all about self-control and knowing how to work with the darker side of you and the rage that’s there, yea, Mace would be a smokin’ (haha) firebender

Maul: Firebender (dammit there’s too many Fire Nation in this AU see this is another reason why I put Satine in water). Maul’s all about the fiery anger, again would really work well for a faceoff against fire!Obi Wan in this AU, Maul to me really looks like a tragic, worst-case scenario never-redeemed!Zuko. So basically Azula lol which ALSO works very well for the S7 Maul vs. water!Ahsoka fight echoing the final Azula and Katara fight

Ventress: Airbender. No, not just because she’s bald and has tats xD. Ventress would make very good use of the air glider AND the airbender ability to create a bubble around someone and suffocate them. (Airbenders can’t be pacifists in this AU otherwise the only people who could go there would be Satine and the Organas lol). She fights in almost a dancer, flying around sort a way that’s similar to what Aang does, and I could also see her whapping someone with an airstaff.

Jango Fett/Boba Fett/The clones: Earth/Fire. Ok so idk how clones would exist in this universe so I’m just gonna say Jango gets around and has a LOT of kids. Jango seems a lot like a down to earth get ‘er done kind of guy, he’s got the heavy hitting kind of play the Earth Kingdom likes. Boba would be much more of a Fire Nation emigrant. The clones I’d say are mostly Earth Kingdom in personality if I had to pick with a smidge of water and some fire of their own.

Bail Organa: Fire Nation. Bail is the one who lives in the Fire Nation and refuses to really play any way besides fairly. Also good for if he and Breha raise Leia because Reasons

Bonus! Hondo Ohnaka: Air Nomad. Hondo has no bending abilities, but he flies around on a flying bison named Melch and Causes Problems. He harasses Fire Nation blimps and Earth Kingdom trading routes and dive bombs the Water Tribe and is just the Horrible Goose of the ATLA!SW world.

ORIGINAL TRILOGY REBELS AND ROGUE ONE COMING UP NEXT

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Someone with photoshop skills edit the new The Rise of Skywalker poster Palpy face into The Great Gatsby book cover I have a mighty need